what if i tagged billie in every one of these do you think she would hate me

You Understand, Right? (Part 14): When It’s Family

Characters: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader / Friend!Reader, Sam Winchester x Sister!Reader / Friend!Reader

Length: 1554+ words

TW: Descriptions of injuries

A/N: Please don’t kill me ahahaha

Feedback is appreciated (AND SO ARE YOU)!

SERIES MASTERLIST


Sam took a deep breath, albeit it was a bit shaky. He took the blood of out of the freezer, picking up a few more supplies along the way before making his way back to the dungeon. He brought up the first injection, releasing all the air before pressing it gently in Y/N’s veins on her wrist.

The shriek that came out of her mouth echoed through the dungeon, and Sam had to physically hold back his wince. It lasted no longer than 5 seconds, but it feel like an eternity to the guilt-ridden Winchester. “This is all your fault, Sammy,” she whispered, out of breath, and head lolling to the side. “All your fault.”

“Shut up,” he muttered weakly. Y/N, and the demon didn’t have to say anything. He knows this was his fault. It was his fault that his baby sister was sitting in front of him as a demon. It wasn’t Dean’s fault. It wasn’t her fault. It was his.

If he was less selfish, and realized just how much Dean and her sacrificed for him, none of them would be in his predicament. Lost in his thoughts, Sam didn’t hear his older brother opening the dungeon doors with Castiel following closely behind him.

“Selfish,” Y/N echoed his thoughts. “You’re selfish, Sam. You made your younger sister sacrifice so much for you- you kept taking and taking-”

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I decided to answer this question from @conspiracyranting in the form of a text post so that I could add it to the Onision tag, and because it’s a subject that I’ve been planning to cover for a while. And the answer to your question is: yes, absolutely. You nailed it. In this case - at least while we’re talking about Onision - I do think that you used the right term when you described his reaction as “narcissistic rage”. I think I may have even argued exactly the same point in one of my previous posts.

Before I continue, however, I first want to define what the term ‘narcissistic rage’ means from a psychological standpoint.

Narcissistic rage is a reaction to narcissistic injury, which is a perceived threat to a narcissist’s self-esteem or self-worth. Narcissistic injury occurs when a narcissist feels that their hidden, ‘true self’ has been revealed. This may be the case when the narcissist has a “fall from grace”, such as when their hidden behaviors or motivations are revealed, or when their importance is brought into question. Narcissistic injury is a cause of distress and can lead to a dysregulation of behaviors, as seen in narcissistic rage.

To the narcissist, the rage is directed towards the person that they feel has slighted them; to other people, the rage is incoherent and unjust. This rage impairs their cognition, therefore impairing their judgment. During the rage, they are prone to shouting, fact distortion, and making groundless accusations.

(Source)

And, as you pointed out, Blaire White’s criticism of Onision’s videos, opinions, appearance, actions, behavior, and “logic” triggered a narcissistic rage in him, because she dealt a heavy blow to his ego by doing so - she questioned his perception of himself as perfect. This is also why he spends so much time debasing his exes and arguing with his critics (rather than creating quality content), producing thirty minute-long response videos to even the most minor of allegations being levied against him: his ego just cannot let it go. In his eyes, he has been slighted; he must level out the playing field again by getting revenge. (Sadly, his fans - who lack objectivity, and are mostly too young to understand the concept or value of skepticism, due process, and researching both sides of the story before forming an opinion - lap this up, and readily reflect his anger because they idolize him. The reason why his responses are generally so disproportionate to the criticism is because of the enormity of his fan base - he gets a ton of attention and admiration from teenage girls for making those videos, not to mention that sweet, sweet ad revenue.)

However, despite the fact that he will defend himself against anyone who criticizes him in any way, anybody who watches his videos can spot this pattern: he especially hates being criticized by women. And, as you and many other YouTubers, anti-O’s, and casual observers have astutely noted, he seems to be particularly triggered by Blaire White. I personally haven’t seen the videos that she’s made about him (although I did see her do a livestream about him with MrRepzion and two other YouTubers back in December, so I AM somewhat familiar with her viewpoint and speaking style), so I can’t say for sure what exactly about her triggers him so much. Is it the fact that she’s transgender? Is it because she reminds him of somebody else? Is it the actual content of her arguments? Is it something else? I have no idea. But nonetheless, it is extremely obvious to even the most casual observer that something about her damages his ego more than any other YouTuber who has ever criticized him over the years, regardless of gender. Even his own fans noticed the toxicity with which he spews insults at her. His video about her (”She Lied To You…”) was so vitriolic that I actually have trouble watching it. The words he spits at her, the absolutely unhinged, unbridled hatred and rage that flashes in his eyes as he calls her a dumb bimbo cunt to his 1.9 million-strong audience of 15-year-old girls - it’s not the type of average, reasonable, justifiable anger that we all see and experience on a daily basis. (Frankly, it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up to witness. There’s just something so incredibly dark and unsettling about Onision that just his facial expressions alone make my stomach churn. Every atom in my body intuitively screams “There is something very wrong with this man” whenever I see his face.) If he felt about me the way that he feels about Blaire White, I would be terrified to live with him.

That said, Blaire White is by no means the only person who has triggered him into a narcissistic rage before. In Onision’s world - the world in which he is an omnipotent, omniscient, all-powerful, universally admired and envied god - simply disagreeing with him can trigger this. And for the people who are close to him - the people who get wrapped up in his circle, like Lainey, Billie, Sarah, or even platonic friends like Cyr - the simple act of expressing their own authentic self in his presence, without his permission or input, is threatening to him, because it challenges his grandiose view of himself as having complete power and control over the people in his life. Any display of individuality is intimidating. To him, his “loved” ones are just another tool that he can use to get what he wants - power, control, attention, praise, admiration, and codependency… in other words, narcissistic supply. We see this every time a woman leaves him, and he feels the need to take his power back by insulting, slandering, and degrading them on social media (see: humiliating Adrienne by revealing the number of sexual partners she’s had, implying that she’s such a whore that he had to get STD tests because of her, and making fun of her vaginal hygiene; revealing to his followers that Billie had been raped and had an abortion, accusing her of being a druggie loser and high school dropout, etc). We see this every time he gets in an argument with Cyr, or Shane, or one of his other YouTube “friends” whenever they express a difference of opinion, and he feels the need to equalize the field again by insulting them and playing the victim (”I let you stay in my house for free, gave you food and equipment, allowed you - a much smaller YouTuber - to piggyback off my fame, and this is how you repay me? By refusing to vote for Hillary Clinton/being acquainted with somebody that I dislike/satirizing me/disagreeing with me in any way?”). He even does this when much more popular YouTubers that he’s not even friends with say something that he disagrees with - for example, when he felt slighted by Andy Biersack, and the whole fiasco with Dan Howell. (Wisely, in these cases, his retaliation was minimal because of the fact that they are so much more beloved and cherished by their respective fanbases than he is (which I’m sure he’s puzzled over and genuinely does not understand). He knows that he can’t pick on them like he can pick on smaller YouTubers like Jaclyn Glen or Blaire White, or reviled YouTubers like LeafyIsHere or Keemstar - there would be too much backlash from his own fanbase, and he would end up creating drama that he wouldn’t be able to recover from.)

Aaaanyway. I went on a bit of a tangent there. But basically what I was trying to say was that yes, I think you’re right: what you’re seeing in Onision’s response to Blaire White is compete, unadulterated rage triggered by a narcissistic injury to his ego. Bingo.

**If anybody is interested in the subject of narcissistic rage, I highly recommend the videos of Sam Vaknin - they’re very informative, and he’s an incredibly intelligent, well-read, and eloquent speaker, one of the world’s leading experts on the subject of narcissistic personality disorder (as well as a sufferer himself). Click here to watch his video about narcissistic rage.

Post 5x15: Felicity confronts Oliver

Hey guys. So I really couldn’t get 5x15 out of my head and I really needed to vent. I can’t believe that this episode is what inspired me to write my first fanfic, but it’s a one-shot with Felicity saying everything. Everything.I hope you guys don’t mind me tagging some of you but I really need to see what you guys think! Thank you so much.

Tagging under the cut :)



“About that; I wanted to talk to you, about before” she said reluctantly.

She wanted him to know.

“About what?” Oliver says. A moment of silence follows and then, he takes a deep breath. “Susan.”

“Are you two..”

“Yeah. We’re okay. And I just wanted to say thanks.”

“No. I don’t need a thank you for something like that. It was partly my fault and Thea’s and it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I should’ve fixed it before you even asked me. What I wanted to say was, I hope you don’t come to me with something like that again. It was a one-time thing.”

“I don’t understand Felicity. You don’t want me coming to you if I need help?”

“No, it’s not that. I’d just really like you to keep all your relationship problems to yourself. I really don’t want to be involved.”

“Why? Susan is my girlfriend and she got discredited when she didn’t deserve it. I can’t come to you with something like that? I trust her.”

“You trust her with that secret?” Suddenly, she chortles and understands everything.

“Never mind, forget I asked.” She realizes a stray tear escaped her eye and quickly turns away to wipe it away. She couldn’t look at him.

“Okay, what is going on Felicity?! You don’t approve of me and Susan? Is that what this is? You’re not the only one! Yes, I trust her and we’ve been doing great. I really care about her. She’s a reporter and yes we may have had problems, but we’re in a relationship. I had to give her the benefit of the doubt.”

At that, she snaps her eyes shut at the grief and mourning that electrified her body.

Wow. He would never understand. Did he not just realize what he just said? I guess he never would really understand what he did to me.

With the newfound resolve and the anger coursing through her, she turned around.

“And where was that trust when it came to me?” She snaps.

“Felicity-”

“No. This is where I talk and you listen. I’m saying it all and you will just listen. Do you know how broken I felt last year? You have a son. Did you think for one second that I would not support you? Or that I would tell the nearest psycho another one of your secrets? It was unbelievable. I thought I was having a nightmare. I felt embarrassed. And thrown aside. The worst part was, I was the only one that didn’t know. Thea, Laurel, John, who else. And me? When were you going to tell me? What was so wrong with me that you couldn’t tell me you had a son?” She wiped the tears pouring out relentlessly but still stood strong. She glanced from the floor to Oliver and saw him staring at her intently with red eyes.

“Felicity-”

“No. I’m not finished yet. We can’t just have love without trust. You never truly loved me-

Don’t. Don’t for a second think that I didn’t love you. That I don’t-“

"Stop, Oliver. I’m still not done talking. I loved you with everything in me. Mind and soul. How do you think I felt when you lied by omission? I felt like an idiot. That day, when I left the ring and walked out, I just couldn’t stop hating myself. I thought we were it. But what you kept from me, it quite literally destroyed me. I tried to think like you and just theorize. What was it with me that you had to keep from me that you had a son? You met my dad. Was it one of those ‘like father, like daughter’ cliches? Or did I do something specifically that made you suspicious of the trust you had for me? I couldn’t find anything. I just accepted it. You don’t trust me. All of it was just a facade. You were in some kind of blind bliss with me and when reality hit, you pulled back. But, you just pulled back from me.

Then when I found Billy over the summer, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. All of it was still there. What if he didn’t trust me like you didn’t? So I waited, and now, he’s gone too. And now, here we are. Oliver and Susan. Wouldn’t you feel utterly self-conscious if your ex-fiance trusts a woman he’s known for a few months with his alter ego and acts of vigilantism, but didn’t trust his soon-to-be wife with a secret that literally everyone else knows? I guess I can’t compare to her. Then again, I couldn’t compare to anyone. So, excuse me if I ask you to not flaunt your relationship to a person it didn’t work out with.

How great is it Oliver? I hope you don’t mind me asking. You clearly aren’t willing to let her go. You’d even go through the embarrassment I feel to get her back. I know I asked you to let me go, but seeing you fight for her, and then when I look back to see what you’ve done for me, I’m just speechless. I’m so very sorry I wasn’t the one. That summer, we were together every night. Fighting crime, with the rest of the team fighting their own battles. And not once did you give me a reason for why you didn’t trust me. And now, here you are, building trust with someone who tried to expose you as the Green Arrow and even admitted it! What did I ever do to break your trust in me?

I’m sorry. As morbid as it sounds, I don’t want to see you doing the right thing. Especially with her. Because then I just think, why couldn’t he trust me with that certainty? And I don’t have an answer. 

And a year later, neither do you.

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Last week was crazy busy, but since I’m on break this week this is gonna be a long post! I’ve put a ‘read more’ break so it won’t clog up people’s dashes. Enjoy!

Also, just a reminder that I’ve changed my URL from ‘treasurecastiel’ to this current one. Please tag accordingly!

There are so many great fics out there that need to be recognized! If you find something you like on this list, be sure to show it the appreciation it deserves with likes, reblogs, and messages to the author! I hope you can find something to enjoy, and remember that if you’d like me to see your work, be sure to tag me in it!

Just a reminder that no all/mostly smut fics will be added. If they’re part of a series I will link non-smut parts.

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Arrow Mid-Season Finale LiveBlog

GUYS!! It’s finally here!! The episode where we find out who Prometheus is!!! I don’t think I have ever been so amped for a villain reveal or read so many crazy theories! Maybe on will be correct or they’re were all wildly wrong. BUT WE’RE ABOUT TO FIND OUT!!!!

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Out Of The Cold (Part 2)

A/N: Hello, darlings! Thank you all so much for your kind words on the first part! I’m glad the ending was a big surprise for you, it was meant to be. ;) As promised here’s the second part! Also, I decided there will be a third and final part as I was writing this one. A lot happened in this one and it just didn’t feel right to squeeze it all in. Enjoy!! :)

Tag list! Let me know if I forgot you and if I did, I’m sorry!! kneekeyta, tinakegg, irish-girl-84, myfinnnelsonpls, courtkismet, endemictoearth, anglophileyoungblood, areyousad8118, celestev31, anitavalija, im-a-seriesholic, ducky17, scumothaearff, hewittgolightly, rafaellabnery, @dontneedamoralcompass, ninjarunningzico, @mirandasmadeofstone, happyfrasers, mallyallyandra, fizzezlikecherrycola, losingpudge, raernundo

It was the kind of cold that cut through the layers right to the core of the bone. Finn was leaning against the brick wall outside of Billy Goats, hugging his leather jacket as close to his body as he could. He could see little puffs of air coming out of his mouth and his nose and he knew he should be waiting inside, common sense told him that, but Rae was still on the phone with Zack and that’s the last conversation he expected to be involved in tonight. 

“Hey, babe,” she had answered his call with. Babe. Like he was worthy of a pet name from her. Finn didn’t like Zack and it had nothing to do with Rae. Okay, maybe it had a lot to do with Rae but even before the two of them started whatever it was they were, Zack always rubbed Finn the wrong way. Whether it was his try too hard car, or his excessive use of Axe body spray, or the fact that he shouted everything he said, he and Finn were never going to be friends. So the first time Rae told Finn she fancied him he was slightly more than a little taken aback. 

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This ain't reblogging and I'm actually pissed now so

@anti-feminism-pro-cats and everyone else who decided to get all offended and shit without even bothering to see WHY I’m saying what I’m saying and just wanna assume I’m up here trying to be an asshole:

Go ahead and unfollow bro, no fucks given. This has nothing to do with how strong I am or not, it’s that every 5 seconds someone on this site is crying suicide over the tiniest thing, and then tumblr has a fit for a while until it’s no longer trendy and they all move on to the next. Which is fucking disgusting to watch how y'all treat this like a hot new trend, like vultures who just wanna seem oh so caring. Sorry, i call bullshit, yall say whatever the fuck needs to be said at the time because it’s “what you’re spost to say”, therefore its FORCED, GENERIC, AND FAKE. That to me is fucking sick, that people on this site can become over- night sensations by saying they’ll kill themselves. I will not be a part of the mob who fucking pats people on the back for that, I’m not gonna sit here and become a bleeding heart for the same old shit over and over, it’s called being desensatized and oh boy am I. Like fucking newsflash, everyone on this damn site is apparently suicidal, SO HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU HELPING ANYONE BY TURNING THE IDEA INTO SOMETHING WE SHOULD FLOCK TO WITH OPEN ARMS? DO YOU SEE THE MESSAGE YOU SEND EVERY FUCKING TIME THIS HAPPENS? THATS WHY IT KEEPS HAPPENING? YOU PEOPLE MAKE IT SEEM LIKE SOMETHING COOL, TO BE “SO LOVED BY TUMBLR” THAT YOU CAN GET ANONS TO TELL YOU YOURE SPECIAL WHENEVER SHIT DOESNT GO YOUR WAY. I DONT CARE, IVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS SHIT. I said the SITUATION is dramatic. I didn’t bash the kid at all, unless you consider “he’s doing the panic attack thing now” as some shit when it’s quite literally just what’s happening. How is this different from everything fucking else? Oh, Zamii drew something and got met with hate she no deserve. Oh, this person made #selfieweek a thing and now they’re getting hate they no deserve. Oh this person fucking farted and got met with hate they no deserve. THAT IS FUCKING TUMBLR IN A NUTSHELL, and yes you people look fucking desperate to seem so caring when you’re sitting there making a fucking spectacle out of someone’s possible suicide, I see y'all blowing that tag up. You can honestly think whatever the fuck you want about me, go right ahead, but don’t come at me sideways about some shit just because I’m not over here sobbing my eyes out about it like you are. I’m tired of people trending on here because they threatened suicide, I will not contribute to that sort of message uncritically, you do not get to become a star for something like that and I won’t pretend overwise. Fuck off if you have a problem with it. Do you even know the kid? But you gonna act like you go way back to 1st grade right? You people are so twisted up in “being helpful” that you can’t see when you’re doing the opposite. Fuck off, don’t assume to know shit about why I said this, has nothing to do with “being strong” and everything to do with what’s wrong with tumblr culture, THE ENTIRE POINT OF THIS BLOG SO IF YOU’RE ONLY NOW UNDERSTANDING THAT THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE FOLLOWED IN THE FIRST PLACE? You can try and comfort someone without making it a fucking show for us all to watch, and that’s why the fuck I won’t get behind this. Another fucking crusade over fictional characters? 3 words lazily slapped on a t- shirt in ms paint? You’re kidding me. I’m literally unable to sit here and cry about it like y'all seem to want to do all the time, I JUST GOT DONE DOING IT FOR SOMEONE ELSE. AND RIGHT BEFORE THAT, SOMEONE ELSE. I’M SORRY, I DON’T HAVE IT IN ME TO DO IT EVERYDAY and yknow what, if you think this is the first time that I’ve said something like this, then you ain’t paying attention. I quite literally say it every time a story like this goes big, I DON’T think this is a good way to handle the situation, it looks like a publicity stunt and worse it looks like one that works, I do not want some shit like that circulating in some kids head cause “oh my god I could get a hashtag if I kill myself?” Big suicide scandals temporarily spike the rate of suicide, esp when y'all sit up here making hashtags trend, fan art, tagging everyone you know to spam “nice messages” like for fucks sake, no, I won’t do it. Fuck you, don’t pretend to know a fucking thing about me if I ain’t say the shit myself. Reading in between some lines that ain’t even there, I ain’t say shit about being strong so please, fuck right off for this bullshit assumption. Don’t pretend to know my motivations, would have been easier to just fucking ask me, right? “As strong as me” you stupid fuck I’ve been fighting off the desire to die for weeks now, just got done carving up my damn thighs like oh boy, yes im so fucking strong, yes you nailed it, how did you know? You actually don’t know a fucking thing about me or what I’m going through so how about you don’t talk on some shit you know nothing about, don’t fucking insult me just because we don’t see eye to eye on this. Go back to pretending to care about suicidal people with your little hashtags, cause some shit like this is exactly what I fucking mean. The kid cries about it and you all come running, CAUSE IT’S TRENDING, but then you wanna say some shit like this about me just because I don’t broadcast it for the world? Yeah buddy, you’re really showing how much you care about this…or is it you only care because it’s popular? Fucking seems so. Go fuck yourself, don’t pretend to know a thing about my life or what I’m going through. Which, funnily enough, I made a huge post about the day after thanksgiving? Where’s my parade of love and support? Oh right. I didn’t make it a fucking huge dramatic scene so I don’t get one. But you care right? Lmfao, shut your fucking mouth and get the fuck outa here with this mess. -Billy