what i'm getting from this is that kurt is not impressed

The Dinosaurs Will Turn to Dust

 *shows up to my own fic 15 minutes late with starbucks, wearing sunglasses*


i’m so sorry this is late!! one of my coworkers had to go back east because her mom’s in the icu so i’ve been working overtime lately…hopefully she’ll be back soon and my hours will kinda normalize.

okay, disclaimer: i have no idea how fast drugs would show up in a urine test. that, i am happy to say, i have never had to find out. having said that, i figured most drugs absorb into the bloodstream fairly quickly, and since your body is constantly filtering your blood to remove toxins which are then expelled through urine, a few hours would be leeway enough. let’s just pretend i know what i’m talking about. 

on the other hand, i’m actually kind of happy with an ending?? for the first time in forever?? *closes eyes and crosses fingers*

(i’m gonna try and get this crossposted on AO3 soon, when i have the time and the motivation hyoop)


part one here / part two here / part three here / part four here / part five here / part six here / part seven here

Originally posted by ayeohwesterburg


Veronica was hanging upside down on the monkey bars at the park by her house, giggling as she felt the blood rush to her head.

“I haven’t done this in forever,” she laughed, and JD smiled at her, one eyebrow arched.

“You look ridiculous,” he told her, and she grinned.

“I know,” she replied. “It’s fun. You should join me.”

“I don’t think so,” JD teased. “I’d spill our slushies.”

Veronica rolled her eyes, sitting up so she was on top of the monkey bars and grabbing onto them for support as her world blurred for a second.

“Ah, yes,” she said, “we can’t have that.”

She jumped lightly to the ground, leaning up to kiss JD as she took her slushie from his hand.

“Hey, don’t knock it,” he breathed, and she smiled.

“Of course not,” she chuckled, kissing him again briefly before pulling away and making her way over to the grass. She collapsed onto the ground, staring up at the sky as she saw JD sit next to her.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” Veronica sighed, letting her happy smile fade away. “I guess I just have to accept the fact that my social life is ruined and do my best to protect Martha from the worst of the fallout.”

“Don’t say that,” JD replied, frowning slightly. “We’ll figure out how to make them stop. Our love is God, babe.”

Veronica wrinkled her nose and squinted up at JD.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, confused. He shrugged and took a sip of his slushie.

“Nevermind,” he said, and Veronica decided to let it slide as she sat up and took a long drink of her own slushie, wincing at the now-familiar pain of the brainfreeze.

JD laughed at her, pulling her into his lap.

“You’re adorable,” he told her, and she scoffed quietly, eyes dancing.

“No, you’ve got it wrong, babe,” she said, casually intertwining their free hands. “You’re the adorable one here.”

“Hey,” he protested, chuckling as he kissed her nose. “I’ll have you know, someone once called me a Baudelaire-quoting badass, and she looked smart so I think I believe her.”

Veronica grinned, resting her head on his shoulder.

“I love you,” she said, and felt him kiss the top of her head.

“I worship you,” he breathed, and Veronica felt her heart soar.

They spent the rest of the day talking and laughing, and as they made their way to Veronica’s house from the park, she could have sworn her feet didn’t touch the ground at all as she held JD’s hand.

Veronica fell asleep quickly, nestled securely in JD’s arms. She didn’t wake as he slipped out the window and walked to the payphone down the block, dialing a number he hadn’t used in years.

“Hey,” he said as the voice on the other end greeted him. “What’s the going price for steroids these days?”


Veronica woke the next morning to JD humming as he read a thick book, sitting in the chair at her desk.

“I could wake up like this every morning,” Veronica greeted, sitting up and rubbing her eyes as JD grinned, dropped the book on the desk, and made his way over to press a gentle kiss to her lips.

“I thought of the perfect way to get revenge on Kurt and Ram,” he said happily, and Veronica smiled.

“Oh yeah?”

He held up two bottles. Veronica took one and read the label, furrowing her brow.

“What’s…methandrostenolone?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Steroids,” JD said casually, and Veronica’s eyes went wide.

“JD, do you have any idea how much trouble they would get in for this? They could go to prison,” she hissed, and he shook his head with a fond smile.

“Relax,” he said. “The label’s fake. Those pills are just your common garden-variety ibuprofen. We’ll plant these in their gym bags, make it look like they’re taking drugs, but everything will come back clean, and they’ll be the laughingstock of the whole school.”

Veronica blinked as a smile spread across her face.

“You’re a genius,” she said, leaning up to kiss him once more.


Veronica straightened her skirt anxiously and knocked on the door of the locker room, knowing that Kurt and Ram were the only two in there.

Kurt swung the door open, squinting at Veronica.

“What do you want?” he asked, and Veronica held up two mugs full of green smoothie.

“Well, I wanted to thank you,” she said sweetly, “you know, for showing me such a good time at the party, and I know you guys like protein shakes, so I made these for you. It seemed fitting that I help you keep your…manly physiques.”

Kurt raised his eyebrows, but Ram had made his way to the door and grabbed a mug.

“Hell yeah,” he grinned, grabbing one mug and downing the whole thing in one go.

Over his shoulder, Veronica saw JD, who had entered quietly through the other door, slip one bottle of pills into each boy’s bag.

“Oooh,” she said, looking back at the two jocks. “That was impressive…but I bet Kurt can’t do that.”

Kurt’s chest puffed up angrily, and he snatched the other mug and threw it back even faster than Ram had. Veronica pretended to swoon.

JD gave her a thumbs-up and slipped out of sight, and Veronica smiled at the two boys in front of her.

“Well, I’d better be going,” she said, “but hey, maybe we should spend some…quality time together later.”

Kurt and Ram nodded, and Veronica forced a giggle, stepping back to let the door swing shut.

“Later,” she cooed, and the door shut. She heard one of them tell the other to “punch it in” and rolled her eyes, turning around and making her way out to the football field to meet up with JD.

While she had been distracting the two of them, he had gone to the football coach and faked concern for the two, telling the coach he suspected drug use, before sneaking into the locker room to plant the bottles.

She grinned as she saw him, relief and happiness spreading through her whole body.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” she giggled, and JD grinned.

“I can,” he said. “I can’t wait to see their faces when they realize what we’ve done.”

They sat on the football field for a while, talking as they watched the clouds.

Almost three hours had passed when a siren whooped from the parking lot, and Veronica craned her head to watch as two uniformed officers made their way into the locker room, followed by a man holding two plastic cups and some paperwork.

“What’s he doing?” she asked, and JD hummed, turning his head to look at the man.

“Oh, those are drug tests,” he said. “Looks like the instant-result kind too. They’ll know in seconds if it’s positive or negative.”

Veronica waited anxiously as five minutes ticked past.

The door burst open again, and Veronica squeezed JD’s hand as Kurt and Ram were led out in handcuffs by the two police officers, followed by the coach and the drug-test man.

“Wait, what?” Veronica gasped, watching as the drug-test man said something to the coach. Kurt and Ram were unceremoniously helped into the back of the police cruiser, and it drove off.

She heard JD laugh, and whipped her head around to look at him. He looked back with a gleam in his eye that scared her.

“What the fuck did you do?” she demanded, and he bared his teeth in a chilling approximation of a smile.

“Don’t worry, Veronica,” he soothed gleefully, a hint of hysteria dancing in his tone. “They won’t be able to hurt you for a long time.”

“You lied to me?” she screeched, not caring who heard. “Those drugs were real?”

“Of course they were,” he laughed, and Veronica shuddered at the manic glint in his eyes.

“This will ruin their reputations,” Veronica cried. “They’re going to have a drug conviction now, and they’re…wait, how did the drugs even get in their systems?”

“I made those smoothies,” JD chuckled. “Easy enough to slip a few ground-up pills into it.”

Veronica’s jaw dropped, and she could only stare. He rolled his eyes.

“This is a good thing,” he reassured her. “Now they won’t be able to hurt you anymore. Our love is God, Veronica.”

He pulled her into a hug, and she let him hold her, not knowing how he’d react if she pushed him away like she so desperately wanted to. She wanted to rage and cry and scream, but she stayed silent and motionless.

“Our love is God,” JD repeated, squeezing her arm.

“Our love is God,” she echoed back, and felt him laugh as she fought back the urge to scream.

When You Fall

Summary: Same support group AU Klaine (prompt by anon), PG, 5k+ words. Kurt and Blaine meet at Elliott’s LGBTQ+ support group. Maybe Kurt is exactly the person Blaine needed to talk to about his past. And maybe Blaine can help Kurt get over his trust issues in return.

Warnings: Characters talk about bullying, violence, non-supportive parents and death of parents (mostly canon occurrences).

Notes: It’s so cheesy that you might smell like cheese afterwards. I am so sorry (a little… or maybe not at all). I apologize for clearly having no clue what support groups actually do most of the time. I included first-hand experience from theatre and yoga classes to make it more realistic. ;) Also, if anyone wants to talk more character meta, please, hit me up with an ask, I LOVE talking meta.

FF | AO3

When Elliott had told Kurt he was going to start a support group for LGBTQ+ students at NYADA, Kurt hadn’t been sure if many people would be interested in joining. But to his surprise, at their first meeting, eleven people showed up – not even counting Kurt, Dani and Santana. And the group kept growing. Rachel had promised to come to support them but she could only manage to do so a few times because her Broadway schedule kept her too busy.

Well, okay, Santana was only there because Dani nicely asked her to. And then bribed her with sex, Kurt supposed, because asking Santana nicely never had gotten him anywhere. Then again, he wasn’t Santana’s girlfriend.

It was easy to see that Elliott’s yoga retreat had provided him with some inspiration. The support group wasn’t just a safe place for discussion and exchange. He included breathing and trust exercises, some methods that Kurt had definitely seen teachers use in his acting classes before, and even music. Kurt jokingly told Elliott he should start teaching in kindergarten but Elliott knew just as much as Kurt that NYADA had been needing a support group.

People had issues to talk about. It was nice to see that they weren’t alone with their problems. Kurt certainly felt like he was starting to get more comfortable in his skin. Some of their group members even started dating.

After a while, Kurt somehow became the co-leader of the group. He took over when Elliott couldn’t make it or when the group needed two instructors.

The group had been in session for a whole semester and they did a lot of advertising for their first meeting of the new term. The turn-out was great: fifteen newbies. Kurt got them started with a quick overview of what they were going to do in their first session.

As usual, they started with some breathing exercises and moved onto the discussion round. After introductions, a few of the old members shared their stories for the new ones.

“Okay, do any of the new members want to share anything with us?” Elliott asked.

Some did. One girl, Alicia, told everyone how she came out as trans to her parents. Patrick shared the story of his disastrous first date. And then Blaine raised his hand.

He had caught Kurt’s eye earlier during introductions. He was a freshman at NYADA, majoring in vocal performance and theatre, just like Kurt. He made Kurt smile when he said that he loved musical theatre but had a burning passion for pop music and felt like most new artists were really underrated. There weren’t many people who would dare to say something like that at a school like NYADA.

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anonymous asked:

Hi if it's okay to prompt you, would you mind writing a Klaine AU where Cooper is Kurt's teacher in HS/College and Kurt somehow meets Blaine without making the connection and then cuteness/embarassment.. I'm very vague, kinda relying on your brilliant mind tbh sorry ;)

I hope this is what you had in mind nonnie ^^

“… And if you don’t point, what happens Mr. Hummel?”

Kurt is shaken from his daydreaming by Mr. Anderson calling out his name.

Namely, a daydream about their wedding plans. Kurt is on plan #21.

It involves doves. And glitter.

Thankfully for his academic career, Mr. Anderson, as handsome as he may be, is not very original in his Introduction to acting class.

“The audience won’t be able to understand our emotions, sir,” he replies, managing to look focused and like his notes are not variations of the different ways to hyphenate Hummel and Anderson.

Alphabetical can suck it, Hummel-Anderson sounds better.

“Very good, Kurt.”

Kurt is beaming before he can remind himself that he should not reveal his feelings so openly.

Then again, he wasn’t pointing at Mr. Cooper Anderson or at himself, so he feels pretty safe.

For now.

Must practice his poker face.

Keep reading

Okay.  Alright, here’s my thing about it.  Here it is, no holds barred.

Carmen Tibideaux’s instruction is awful.  She gives terrible advice and is a completely unhelpful music teacher.  My friends and I who have majored in music often watch the NYADA scenes from behind our fingers because so much of what she and the other teachers say are the opposites of what you should actually do, and our worst nightmares are that people might watch Glee and think that this is remotely what an actual musical education is like.  On a grand aggregate, I would even go as far as to say that Will Schuester teaches music and performance better than Carmen does.  That’s how bad she is at doing her job.

Let’s start from the top:

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Three Days in an Elevator

Because the word on the street is that it took Darren and Chris three days to film all the elevator scenes in “The Hurt Locker Part 2”and naturally my brain wanted to fill in those blanks. 5.2K [AO3]
For Jen because I love her a lot <3

Day 1, Hour 1

“What do you think it says about our characters that we somehow manage to get locked in what is so obviously not an elevator? Personally, I’d always thought Blaine was a little smarter than that, but maybe that’s just my own ego talking, I don’t know.” Darren asks Chris.

They are sitting on the floor in the “elevator” that isn’t, waiting while the crew adjusts the lighting to the specifications necessary for the scene. It appears to be a difficult thing to get just right because they’ve been sitting on the floor waiting to start the scene for at least twenty minutes. Not that Darren minds, especially when the only thing on his schedule for today is rehearsing and filming with Chris. No songs, no crazy costumes, no dance steps to fumble through, not even much in the way of a script or lines to learn. He’s been told that’s because the writers wanted what Kurt and Blaine do in the elevator to seem spontaneous. Darren’s not sure if that’s the truth or if the writers are just burnt out and couldn’t come up with anything, but he doesn’t mind either way. He’s loved improv ever since those early days at University of Michigan doing shows with all his best friends. And he can’t imagine a better scene partner to improv with than Chris, whose witticisms and barbs fly so fast and furious, most people miss half of them.

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Words I can’t say out loud (Blindspot Fanfic)

First-ever fanfic… be gentle, please. :)

Loosely based on the 1x15 blurb that has Jane going AWOL to keep the team safe.

“It’s time.” 

Jane nodded at Oscar and started setting charges. On the other side of the room, he did the same, working quickly and efficiently along the wall. They needed to bring the floor down, to expose the state-of-the-art laboratory being built beneath the cellar of the old school building. A laboratory that was slated to continue experimenting on soldiers, subjecting them to various chemical cocktails that would enable them to perform at super-human levels for days on end. Jane shuddered at the thought and went back to setting the timers in front of her.

A burst of distant gunfire made her jump. “What was that?”

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Cooper's Pepperoni

Inspired by this because it’s just adorable

Kurt is still holding the phone, and he doesn’t believe that it just happened.

It cannot be real.

This isn’t his life.

Well, all things considered, this is exactly his life, why is he surprised.

After talking with his father, he felt emotionally drained, he felt like comfort food.

All he wanted was pizza so he called his favorite pizza place and made his order because he doesn’t even need to look at the menu to know what kind of pizza he wants–medium size, thin crust, double cheese, no origano, ham and mushrooms on one side and pepperoni (the one that gave its name to the place, Kurt believes) and spicy merguez on the other.


Anyway, Kurt placed his order like usual, asking if he could also get a tub of home-made ice cream.

And then his brain must have gone offline.

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Yo Ho Ho

So this post happened and I had to write Klaine as pirates as written by Santana in a ridiculous romance novel. 

I’m sorry. 

Captain Kork E. Hornswoggle stood on the quarter deck of his schooner, his mainsail raised proudly, a telescope held erect in his grip. Kork’s alabaster skin glowed in the sunlight shimmering off of the waves as he searched the vast cerulean ocean from top to bottom.

“As empty as always,” Kork said, a sigh escaping his dainty, lady-like lips. Where was his adventure? His thrills and chills on the high seas? He didn’t become a swishy, swashbuckling pirate to spend his days polishing his own sword in his private chambers.

Kork shoved his telescope back in his circulation-restricting extremely tight leather pants and turned to dash off and find some rum to drown his sorrows.

Suddenly! A man landed in front of him. Kork stumbled back, hand flying to his broad yet completely hairless chest, grasping the many, many billowing ruffles of his shirt. “Why you’re—“

The man bowed. “Bubbles ‘Lazy Eye’ Anderson at your service.” He was small yet swarthy, also wearing inhumanly tight pants and a shirt several sizes too small, with a hard shellack of dark hair. Kork had heard legends that bullets would ricochet right off it. Still, he was very attractive.

“Well, shiver my timbers,” Kork said.

“I was hoping to find somewhere to bury my treasure,” Bubbles replied.

Finally some excitement, Kork thought, heat rushing to his throbbing manhood. As Bubbles “Lazy Eye” Anderson swaggered around, clearly enjoying being the center of attention, Kork knew exactly what booty he wanted to plunder.

“Okay, Santana, seriously? This is terrible.” 

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anonymous asked:

posted a joke ad in the classifieds but someone actually responded - sounds fun and I want it for klaine :)

Kurt Hummel has a couple of guilty pleasures.

Not so guilty, because he’s at a point in his life where he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what people think of him, but the saying goes as it does.

He always eats cheesecakes when he feels like the world is against him.

He likes to cuddles with his pillow.

“Real Housewives” are a gift to mankind to unplug from the harshness of the world.

And he loves, loves, reading the classified advertisements in the Brooklyn Downtown Star.

It’s just like his reality TV show: it’s addicting, and Kurt loves getting a glimpse of those people’s lives.

Rachel, Santana and Mercedes can say that it’s pathetic all they want–at least he’s not hurting anybody while he waits for his life to begin.

Yes, he is using those feelings for his audition for an Off-off-Broadway, all-male Tangled musical.

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Subway Rides (Oh, You Keep Me Wondering)

Character(s) | Pairing: Santana L. & Brittany P. | Brittana

Summary: AU. Brittany takes the subway every day. She often sees a brunette with long, black hair and amazing clothes. Brittany wonders if she likes girls, but her gaydar has never been her strong suit.

Previous Chapters: 

01 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 10 11 | 12 | Interlude

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anonymous asked:

Hi beautiful person, happy 2015 ! would love to see this au ofr klaine please if you don't mind "we're in a karaoke bar with separate groups of friends and we are dragged on stage to sing a duet together even if we don't know each other, then hit it off bla bla bla" thank you !!

Oh God I’m sorry I’m so late with this !

I hope you’ll like it nonetheless !!

“It’s our turn, you pompous piece of–”


Kurt is barely out of the restroom that he already has to break a dispute between Santana and a tall guy who does look a pompous piece of ass.

“What the Hell is going on?”

Santana crosses her arms over her chest, and Kurt spots two guys trying to pull PPOA away, not to avail.

Well, he spots one of the two guys–cute and dapper. Preppy without the layer of contempt on PPOA’s face.

“We signed up for the next round at the mic,” Santana explains, “but Mr. Nick At Night here tried to bribe the MC to get ahead.”

“Did he now,” Kurt turns to glare at the guy, who doesn’t look apologetic at all.

“Frankly, I think we can do without West Side Story or Priscilla Queen of the Desert,” he replies, sneering at them both.

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