"I wonder what I said..."
Okay, so, my rogue recently bought an ice short sword. Whilst in a battle, though, she stabbed a fire-being thing, which negated both the power of the monster and my sword. So, Minster shatters. Yay! Sword shatters. Not yay.
Me: “Well that was a waste of gold.”
“DM: “The hilt is still getting really, really cold in your hand.”
Me: “Huh, I should probably put it down.”
DM: “It’s starting to burn your hand with cold, so maybe.”
So she puts down the hilt, and the little gem in it starts to crack and shatter and out pops a tiny ice elemental, which we ended up giving water and stuff to grow it to a bigger size while trying to talk to it.
The necromancer tries to use an ice spell to make friends.
Me: “Are you trying to steal the elemental?!”
Necro: “Yeah, kinda.”
Me: “I paid for that sword, if that elemental is going to make friends with anyone, it’ll be me!”
Necro: “Awww, but-”
ME: “You have your zombies, now go away!”
Everyone else gives up on communication with it, but I paid for that fuckin’ sword, I’m not giving up yet.
DM: “The elemental continues to look at you, making gust sounds and whistling.”
Me: “Uh, I’ll start whistling back! Let’s hope I don’t accidentally offend it.”
DM: “Roll bluff.”
DM: “It makes a high pitched whistle at you and begins moving forward.”
Me: “Lets see how this one backfires. I whistle some more. I probably insulted its mother by accident or something.”
DM: It gets to you and touches the base of your pants, melts and the water begins traveling up your body.“
Me: "UM, Ice elemental I am flattered but taken! Oh fuck did I seduce the elemental? My girlfriend is gonna be so pissed.”
DM:“It goes up your body to your chain shirt, and freezes again, giving you another point of armor and a resistance to cold.”
Me: “Oh. That’s cool! Now I can make ice puns.”
Everyone Else: “Oh shit, no, not more puns.”
And I’m guessing I’ll never find out what was said in that conversation with the ice elemental.