what i had before i had you

anonymous asked:

how did you find your style? were you like 'I like this so this is what I'm gonna write about'? do you ever shift from it?

i just write about what interests me, that’s all, and some topics come up multiple times: mythology, gay, feminism, gay, fandom… gay

I know what you are now.  I think I knew before, but, you know, after I sent that kid to the hospital, years ago, they said I had an anger problem, but that’s not true.  I was angry because of something else.  Something I’d lost.  Trying so hard since not to be angry.  Got me all defenseless, and I lost more, and more, and more… that’s not getting better.  I want to be angry.  When I ran home from college, on the bus I had this dream, or maybe I saw it out the window, last leaf on the tree finally blown off.  I’m so scared, all the time, and the fear *hurts*.  Feeling like everything is over, was over long before I got here, so long, hiding, or trying to outrun this.  I get it.  This won’t stop until I die, but when I die, I want it to hurt.  When my friends leave, when I have to let go, when this entire town is wiped off the map, I want it to hurt.  Bad.  I want to lose.  I want to get beaten up.  I want to hold on.  Until I’m thrown off and everything ends.  And you know what?  Until that happens, I want to hope again and I want it to hurt.  Because that means it meant something.  It means I am… something, at least.  Heh.  Pretty amazing to be something, at least. […] I know this won’t save me in the end, but I don’t need it to save me forever, I just need it to save me now.
—  Mae Borowski, Night in the Woods
I know what you are now.
I think I knew before,
You know.
After I sent that kid to the hospital
Years ago,
They said I had an anger problem,
But that’s not true.
I was angry because of something else.
Something I’d lost
Trying so hard since not to be angry
Got me all defenseless.
And I lost more, and more, and more…
That’s not getting better
I want to be angry
When I ran home, from college,
On the bus I had this dream
Or maybe I saw it out the window
Lost leaf on the tree
Finally blowin’ off
I’m so scared
All the time
And the fear *hurts*!
Feeling like everything is over
Was over long before I got here
So long, hiding
Or trying to outrun this
I get it.
This won’t stop
Until I die.
But when I die
I want it to hurt
When my friends leave
When I have to let go
When this entrie town is wiped off the map
I want it to hurt. Bad.
I want to lose
I want to get beaten up
I want to hold on
Until I’m thrown off
And everything ends
And you know what?
Until that happens
I want to hope again
And I want it to hurt.
Because that means it meant something
It means I am…something, at least
Heh heh ha heheheh heh
Pretty amazing to be something, at least
You know I can’t understand you, right?
Oh shut up already!
I know this won’t save me in the end
But I don’t need it to save me forever
I just need it to save me now
So if you’re gonna kill me right here
Then do it
If not…
—  Mae (Night in the Woods)

serpentine-judge  asked:

Roderick@Kreilanna "That thing stuck with you; it been giving you any trouble? I've had to deal with one of them before, and I couldn't imagine people would take kindly to one just spending it's days."

“Not all Pokemon are the same. Just like every Legendary is not the same, rebirth or no. His Mother was torturing him, and I had the power to pull him into my soul rather than let him spend eternity within her madness.”

He’s the one putting up with my soul, not the other way around. I don’t know what Giratina you may have known, but he is nothing like the stories would make his kind out to be.”

“The Madness that drove him to insanity was all fabricated by Rhea!

The final songfic is complete! The requested song was I don’t want to miss a thing by Aerosmith

Josuke yawned, arching his back and stretching his arms, before settling back down into his bed. You were no longer by his side but the warmth that still lingered indicated that you hadn’t been gone for very long. He smiled sleepily, running a hand through his unkempt hair as he thought about the events that had occurred last night.

You two, along with your friends, had hit up a
local karaoke bar where everyone had proceeded to make a spectacle of themself, some more than others. Koichi had mustered the courage to go up and sing a love song, Yukako had never blushed so hard before. Rohan had adamantly refused and threatened the use of Heaven’s Door on anyone who attempted to get him to perform. Josuke, on the other hand, took to it with a gusto, singing his heart out. At one point he had Okuyasu join him on stage for a duet, the two performing the most ridiculous and exaggerated dance moves to everyone’s delight (except Rohan who made a face of utter disgust). After a rather beautiful solo from Yukako, Josuke had gone up once more, this time loudly proclaiming his love for you via song for everyone to hear.

A vivid red had stained your cheeks, spreading across your whole face to reach up to your hairline and you couldn’t take your eyes off your boyfriend. At the end he had leapt off the stage and strode towards you, leaning across the table to croon the final line before pressing his lips against yours. He would have remained in that position for more than a few seconds if a certain mangaka hadn’t pointedly kicked the table, jostling the drinks and Josuke who was forced to pull back before he lost his balance. After a brief argument, which only ended thanks to Koichi’s influence, things had continued and the night ended on a high note. Returning home, the two of you had immediately gone to bed, and you fell asleep the moment your head hit the pillow.

Josuke, on the other hand, remained wide awake, too busy admiring your peaceful expression and committing it to memory to allow sleep to claim him. Honestly, he couldn’t believe how lucky he was to be dating you. You were everything he could hope for and more so he treasured each and every moment he spent with you as deeply as if it was the last.

Hearing you call his name, Josuke ended his reminiscing and finally got up out of bed, following the sound of your voice to the kitchen. Still in your pajamas, you stood at the counter adding the final touches to the breakfast you had prepared. Josuke walked up behind you and slid his hands around your waist as he perched his chin on your shoulder. Tilting his head so that his face was buried in your neck, he spoke up, “smells good babe, I can’t wait to taste it.”

You snorted and twisted out of his grip to carry the plates over to the table, asking him, “are you talking about me or the food you dork?”

Slipping into a seat at the table he grinned up at you, “why not both?”

Smacking his shoulder in playful retribution, you leaned down to kiss him, and when you pulled back he followed, stealing another quick kiss before you both sat down.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Our Love

Pairing: Saeran Choi / Mc (you)

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Summary: Saeran and Mc discuss their love and what they mean to each other.

                Saeran and Mc were cuddled up on their couch, which was the only thing they currently had in their new home. They were listening to the pitter-patter of the rain against their roof as they held each other. Saeran had been rubbing soothing circles on Mc’s back when he suddenly stopped. Mc, who had been running her fingers through Saeran’s hair, looked up at him, “What’s wrong?”

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anonymous asked:

Royal Au; Iwaizume is knight to protect oikawa, but he falls in love with the princess that oikawa is suppose to marry, but the princess and iwaizume are secretly together already, since they were teenagers. "Hajime, Can we just run away from this? I know Oikawa is in love with a servant from my castle, and I am in love with you." Hajime is holding her close. "If what you are saying is true, oikawa doesn't love you, but a servant. I will leave my position for you. Because I believehe willrunaway

I took a few liberties on this, hope that’s okay, Anon! But I was super excited when I got this! Also, I felt like the ending was rushed, but I have a test in like 10 minutes, so yeah!

“Be rational,” the words felt choked coming from his throat, “running away isn’t an option.”

Iwaizumi had thought his life had been easily laid out before him. His father was the head knight to the king and Iwaizumi was to be the same to the prince. Oikawa and he had spent their childhood together, separated by status and teachings, but connected with the fate of taking over after their fathers. These were roles that they hadn’t picked, they were handed to them, expected of them, and they had risen to the standard.

Oikawa knew the law, knew how to speak with the people, knew how to strategize politically and economically. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, knew his duty. He knew the sword and how to lay down his life for the greater good. He knew how to sacrifice. And that was something he had to constantly remind himself from the very moment he had her.

She was the princess of the neighboring land, the one whose fate was decided long before her birth just like their own. And when she had stepped into that courtroom, Iwaizumi was captivated. The idea of breathing the same air as her seemed blasphemous and when her poised eyes fell on him he felt unworthy in every way to the lingering gaze. And it was in that moment that he knew his true purpose in his role, felt it tearing out his heart when it was agreed upon that her and Oikawa would marry when they both became of age. The purpose of his life was not his own, but that of the prince and kingdom that he served.

That duty hadn’t stopped him from indulging and, surprising, it hadn’t stopped her either. It was the same summer that the princess and the knight started their love affair behind closed doors. Longing glances were exchanged and heated kisses were desperately shared every chance that arose. By the next summer when they had visited her in her own land, Iwaizumi knew that he had betrayed his entire purpose for living, but he didn’t care. Because her body was so soft against him, her gasping breaths drove him over the edge, and her small, satisfied smile was his entire world.

And while they lived in their own land of oblivion, one fact remained. She was not destined to be his.

Iwaizumi had to learn not to hate his prince and best friend for the happiness that he was going to obtain and Iwaizumi would never hold. Oikawa hadn’t asked for this, it was simply the way of the world. And his heart ached more upon hearing his friend mutter how he wished he could love the one he was to marry. But he couldn’t, because he didn’t love her, his heart was elsewhere. Just as hers was.

They were all struggling against the tides of their duties and their desires. And now… now they were edging on the day they would surely loath for the remainder of their small unfortunate lives.

“I can’t marry him, Hajime,” she had sobbed against his chest, hands clinging at the fabric that was to be her wedding gown, knuckles white, “he’s not you!” The break in her voice shattered his heart. And he wished he could’ve said something - anything - that would’ve removed those tears from those beautiful eyes, but he couldn’t. His will was not his own. He was to do as he was bred to do.

Oikawa would marry the love of his life. And he would step aside, watching from the sidelines, longing for something that could never be.

A week before the wedding was to take place, she had come to him in the dead of night, breath shaky and hands trembling, an almost manic look taking over her eyes. The proposal of running away came from those unhappily smiling lips, searching for any solution that would end in their ideal ending. He wouldn’t deny that he hadn’t thought of it, but… to run away, to abandon everything would be traitorous.

“I am being rational,” she shot back, hands shoving against his chest, “and I would rather die than marry someone that isn’t the man I love!” His jaw clenched at her words, but he didn’t say anything. That was something he didn’t want to think about. He couldn’t imagine a world without her even if he wasn’t with her. “Besides, Oikawa’s said he doesn’t want this either. He loves someone else.”

“The kingdom will–”

“Screw the kingdom! For once in your life be selfish!”

He stopped. Had he not been selfish this entire time? Indulging in a love that he knew was doomed to fail because he couldn’t think about his world without it? And he had drowned so deeply. Where had it gotten him? Heartbroken and a lost purpose.

But with her, those were revitalized. His purpose had an ending, one that he longed for. His hands reached for hers then, breath leaving him shakily. “Then let’s go,” he breathed, watching the light return to her eyes. They left that night, the wedding dress left untouched in her room and the smallest note left under Oikawa’s door with an apology and a wish to choose his own happy ending. Because their lives were too short to have others control them, they deserved more, they deserved their bliss.

sweetpeachwitch  asked:

Hi ! I adopt an elf spirit (he's coming friday !) and i wanted to know if i had to do special things before he arrive (like a mermaid need constantly water). Also do you know some things about elf spirit ? I search on tumblr but i didn't find anything witchy :( I hope you have a lovely day ~ 💛

It really depends on the type of elf and the elf himself! They are very wide-ranged as far as likes and dislikes, so that may be a good question for the conjurer, or if I had a little info on what type of elf he is that may help? Super generalized though, I have found they like books, plants, food (cookies & biscuits are a fav), walks in nature, walks in general, dried flowers, oats/oatmeal (this may just be the ones i work with idk if thats universal), herbs, tea, berries, interesting rocks, nuts and most importantly… spending time with you. You’ll have to work with your companion to find out his likes and dislikes because they are all different, but that may be a good place to start, offering wise?

anonymous asked:

this isnt meant as a rude comment or anything, but werent you biromatic asexual before? what made you realize you werent ace? <3

in the beginning of my current relationship I was worried about my feelings and confused. I felt sexually attracted to wes (after about 5 months of friendship/talking) but it wasn’t a feeling I was familiar with or understood before. I still continued to pursue a relationship because it felt like it was right to do. After like 3-4 weeks I just felt confused and shaken and clashed by my feelings I wanted to do so many sexual things I had feelings and urges I never knew I had lol. I had never felt kinky before or like so motivated to be sexual and it felt good and right but since I had always been so different I didn’t really understand. Basically I had like a mental crisis one night thinking about all of this and confronting my feelings and just coming out right and confronting my new found horniness. Lol. I would probably identify myself just demisexual, from now on. Thanks for asking!

“And I want you to seduce me,” she said. “Everywhere we go.”

“Seduce you?” He echoed.

“Yes,” she nodded.

He looked like he was trying not to laugh. It was a new expression on him, one that she hadn’t seen before. She decided that she liked it. “How would you like to be seduced?” He asked.

She couldn’t help the blush that spread across her face and ears, but she held her head high and tried to sound confident.

“Oh, I’m not picky,” she shrugged, “I just want you to use your imagination. Whatever’s in your head.”

He looked at her.

“You’re in my head.”

An awareness struck her of just how much he meant what he said. She felt the evidence of how profoundly they had changed each other – how they had carved themselves into the fabric of their beings, how they had become irreplaceable in each other’s lives. She saw it through their bond, and through his words, and through his eyes.

He told her that he loved her with that look.

Chapter 53, A Collision of Stars by dustoftheancients

I commissioned this gorgeous image after reading chapter 53 of one of the best fanfics out there. I envisioned a future where Rey and Kylo are hopefully trying to seduce each other after the conclusion of the story. ;) Thank to @dustoftheancients for creating such a wonderfully developed and suspenseful work that I wish I would have stumbled upon sooner. And this piece would not have been possible without @panda-capuccino and her inspiring artistry.


My fave mom-son relationships in this series tbh


How many others did you love before me?
I loved five others before you: Who, What, When, Where, Why. You’re the sixth.
Sixth, so which one am I then?
You’re none of them because you’re all of them.

Jealous - Jughead Jones

Anonymous said:

Hi! Could I possibly get a Jughead imagine where he’s really close to the reader, they practically seem like they’re in a relationship. But he gets jealous when the reader gets asked out on a date by a guy she used to have a crush on and she accepts. (mainly because she had never been on an official date before and she thinks it’ll be nice.)

Originally posted by fyeahriverdale

I’m sorry it’s so short but I promise it’s real sweet!!!

Y/F/C/N - Your First Crush Name

It was pointless really, to argue with Jughead. He was so stubborn, he would just roll his eyes at whatever you had said and change the subject. This very thing happened when you mentioned that Y/F/C/N had shyly asked you out on a date. You were expecting a, “Be safe and use protection,” line, but what you got was pure anger.

“Why him, Y/N, I thought you had better taste!” You felt your face flush at his words as you looked around the near-empty diner to see if anyone heard. “What’s wrong with you, Jughead,” you whispered, “I just thought it would be nice!” He cocked an eyebrow at you, staring into your face. “Nice? You’re expecting nice from Y/F/C/N?!” You almost couldn’t believe him, if it wasn’t for your strong friendship you wouldn’t have been prepared for this type of reaction. You leaned over the table, peering into his eyes, “Why do you even care?”

“Are you serious Y/N?!” His voice was in a whisper, but you could still hear the hostility. “I care because you’re, you’re my friend,” the hesitation in his voice almost broke your heart. You thought of all the times you’d hang out with Jughead; in school where you would assuredly squeeze his hand when Reggie and his friends would walk past. The numerous times you stayed over at his house, luring yourselves to sleep by talking about everything and anything. One morning, you woke up before him and saw that, during the night, you had moved closer to him and his arm was wrapped around your waist. You felt tears stinging in your eyes as you thought of it all, because at the current moment, it felt like all of those good times were in your head.

“You sure, Jughead? That didn’t sound very convincing,” You pushed away from the table and out of the booth. You walked out of the diner and didn’t look back.

As it turned out, Jughead was right. Y/F/C/N was a jerk, not even remotely nice. The date itself started out okay, but when you arrived at the restaurant, their attitude changed. They acted as if they didn’t even want to be there. Towards the end of the date, they came clean and said that they only asked you out because of a bet with their friends. “Date the freak’s counterpart, that was the deal.” After that, you just stormed out, leaving them in the dust. Now, you were walking home, through the narrow streets of Riverdale. The night sky was covered in stars, not a cloud in sight. It reminded you of the time you and Jughead snuck up on his roof and made up fake constellations.

“That one is obviously Archie’s eyebrow,” Jughead said, pointing up at the sky. You had let out a giggle, “It is!” He turned to you and smiled, staring into your eyes. It grew quiet all of the sudden and the tension built further. “I could say something really stupid right now,” Jughead whispered, his voice weak as if he were nervous. You swallowed, still staring into his blue eyes. “Then say it,” you whispered back, “your kind of stupid is my favorite.” He smiled once more, mouth opening to say something when he was interrupted by his mom yelling. “What are you two doing up there?!”

You smiled at the memory, feeling your heart sink in your chest. You needed to talk to him, if not over the phone tonight, then at school tomorrow. You turned on the small bit of sidewalk that lead up to your house and almost started to laugh. You had auto piloted to Jughead’s house. You walked up the steps of the porch to the door and before you could even knock, it opened. Jughead stood in the doorway, staring at your face. You didn’t saw a word and you leaned in and wrapped your arms around his torso. He placed his arms at your waist, pulling you inside and out of the cold. Neither of you said a word as you walked quietly up to his room. You shed your jacket and placed it on his chair, walking over to his bed to lay down. He carefully shut his door, trying hard not to make a sound and walked over to you. He climbed on his bed, laying on his side to face you. You just stared at each other for a while, until Jughead spoke up. “It didn’t go well?” He asked and you just smiled. “What do you think?” He brushed some hair out of your face and he could see the hurt in your eyes.

“What’s wrong?”  he whispered, and you just shook your head. “I should’ve listened to you, I wasted my first date on that nincompoop.” He let out a breathy chuckle and then he face grew serious. “That was your first date?” You nodded, but he just stared at you. “That only justifies how jealous I was,” he whispered and you raised your eyebrow at him.

“Jealous?” You asked, scooting close to him. He rolled his eyes, “I mean, come on Y/N, you’re it.” You let out a fake, quiet laugh and rolled your eyes. Jughead suddenly sat up, “You don’t believe it?” You sat up alongside him and shook your head, “Whatever it is, I’m not it. It sounds like unimaginable greatness.”

“That’s what you are,” he said, trying to keep quiet, “you’re great, but the best part is…” He leaned towards you, staring into your eyes, “…you’re real.”

It grew quiet as your cheeks blushed when Jughead reached a hand up to your face. Your faces shifted closer until your foreheads rested against each other. You closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself down. “Let me take you on a real first date,” Jughead whispered and you felt your heart flutter. You opened your eyes to find his darting between your gaze and your lips. “Yes,” you whispered back, and you leaned in, brushing your lips to his. He pressed towards you, kissing you for the first time. He had been wanting to do this all along you realized, and that night on the roof was as close as he got until right now. You pulled away, a smile gracing your lips, as well as his. “You were so jealous.”

Enough is Enough

Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,067

Warnings: slight panic attack, language, asshole Dean 

Request: Can I request an imagine where the reader lives with the brothers at the bunker & Dean is always a jerk to her & then one day she has a panic attack & then fluff ensues…

Summary: Reader has lived & hunted with the boys for 3 years & usually puts up with Dean being a dick pretty well. One night, she can’t take anymore and has a panic attack.

A/N: Enjoy!! Feedback greatly appreciated!! And thank you to @mamapeterson for just reading over this before I posted it lol wasn’t too confident on it tbh but I hope y’all like it!!

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Just Beg Me To Stay

A/N: It’s been a rough week and I just really need to write something so this is what came out…it’ll probs be 2 parts… I also haven’t written something legit in what feels like forever so please bear with me :) 

Dean x Reader

Warnings: angst, swearing

Word Count 900+

“Y/N! Pick up your goddamn phone or I swear –“ you could hear the deep shaky breath he took before continuing, “please just pick up, we need to talk.” The voicemail ended with a harsh curse before abruptly going silent. It had been one of many voicemails that Dean had left you, progressively growing more and more desperate the farther you drove away from Lebanon.

One minute you were wrapped in Dean’s arms with a silly grin on your face and the next thing you knew, your duffel, stuffed with your possessions, was thrown into the backseat of your red ’67 Chevelle and you gunned it the hell out of there.

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When I asked him about reports that he had killed over one hundred people, he actually chuckled and shook his head at the naïveté of nonmurderers: “They have no idea what it takes to do one, what it takes out of you.”

I asked him if the figure of thirty-five, which I’d seen in other accounts, was correct. He paused, stared at me, and scanned his censor to decide whether to admit such a detail - because that was where he had always drawn the line before. he had freely implied everything, but never admitted one detail, like some superstitious child’s idea of what could be held against him.

He finally nodded and mumbled, “Yes.” 

Ted’s conversation with Polly Nelson on January 22, 1989.