what has senior year done to me

Infatuation - part 10


Originally posted by findingdooly

You woke up in a strange room. You immediately felt the neck pain and major headache you had developed. Looking around the room, you saw you were placed in a large empty room. This wasn’t an apartment, it was too large to be an apartment. You were guessing it’s a house. The only thing lit in the room was a small lamp. You felt your hands tied behind your back; you turned your head only to find Jaebum tied with you. Back to back tied together. You gasped and called out to JB.
“JB, please help.” you nudged him against your back.
You shook yourself to offer a shock to Jaebum, so he would wake up.
After some time, Jaebum finally became conscious.
“Where am I?” he asked in a low whisper, talking to himself.
“Jaebum turn around!”
He looked behind his back to find you tied up against him.
He raised his eyebrows with a surprised look, but you were all interrupted when the doors whipped open.
Ashley stepped in.

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anonymous asked:

Just going through your check please stuff, as one does, and I thought I should tell you why you're wrong about literal ray of sunshine Kent Parson. He's really not as awful as you're making him out to be. Jack loved him and deserved to be with him. What does Bitty offer him, food? Come on. Jack could do way better.

Who wants to help field this one? You may believe Kent to be innocent and a ~lovable sunshine flower child~ or whatever but he is still at the end of the day a mentally abusive person. He tries guilt tripping Jack, makes fun of his friends (and therein all the progress he’s made since the incident), and let’s go back a bit. Dropped Jack like a dirty tissue. He came around during Jack’s senior year (using one of Bitty’s lines no less, which leads me to believe he HAS seen Bits’ videos), and what has he done? Attempted to manipulate Jack once again for his own gain. He isn’t innocent by any stretch. There’s a reason he gets under Bitty’s skin. And rightfully so.

I wouldn’t be as angry at a character as I am with Purseman if I had not in a similar situation once. I know the signs of an abusive person (in Jack’s case, just because it’s not physical doesn’t make it any less valid) and I’m not here for your piece of shit fave.

I never wanted to be the type of blogger

Who disappears from their blog without any word or notice. 

As a blogger who genuinely cares for her followers and mutuals, I always thought it was respectful to let those who enjoy their blog know when they’d be going and when they expected to return. However, I feel as though I left without a word and I found myself to be exactly the type of blogger I didn’t want to be.

I’m sorry to those of you who have sent me anonymous confessions that I haven’t replied to. I’m sorry to those of you who have sent me messages saying hello or asking how I’ve been who I also haven’t replied to.

Maybe I’m being too sentimental, but through my 4+ years on tumblr, I’ve learned to adore and appreciate this site for various reasons. One of my biggest reasons for logging on almost every day in the past was to help you guys. I loved when my inbox became flooded with messages from anons who came to me in order to seek advice. I loved how you guys were willing to share with me some things that were objectively very personal. I felt honored to be able to converse with you both on and off anon. I felt like the big sister I’ve always wanted to be (I’m the baby of my family). I was really blessed by the honesty that many of you approached me with, but I was especially blessed with the words of encouragement you guys would send me (posts I would tag as “nice anon”). My blog really became the “safe place” that I had hoped it to become. So many of you in the past have told me that the title of my blog fit the feel that it gave and I agreed. You guys helped my blog feel safe enough for me to share personal stories and to express my feelings, whether they were happy or sad. Sometimes posts became like forums and you guys would help each other out, offering advice or giving direction. It was a great thing to witness.

But like with most blogs, there comes a point where life gets in the way and we as bloggers take a step back to reevaluate and prioritize things. I realized that I began putting the needs of those who came to my inbox with their problems before my own real-life problems. The act of helping those, even if it was through the computer, felt so good and gave me a distraction from dealing with some of the things that I was dealing with in real life.

So I distanced myself. I weaned myself from logging onto tumblr as frequently and immersed myself in different projects and assignments. In fact, it felt a bit liberating to do so because it helped me focus on my studies and on other aspects of life/life obstacles.

This is the summer of my DAT (dental admissions test). This is a test I failed to take last year because of personal issues. This summer I’m going to take it. I’m stressed. I’m underperforming, but I’m still determined to go through it. So much rides on this score and it can help ultimately determine if I get a call for dental school interviews and of course whether I get accepted or not.

Life is so ambiguous and is often times scary because of it. I think that’s a huge reason why people tend to quit what they’re doing halfway or fail to start things because they let that fear control their lives. Will I get into dental school my first round? Who knows. Am I scared of possible rejection? You bet I am. Am I scared of people talking about me and thinking that I’m “dumb” because I didn’t get accepted? Definitely. But am I still going to try? Absolutely.  

Those of you who have been following me for a long time should know that I struggled in school (particularly in the sciences). I had to work harder than my peers just to get mediocre scores. However, that hard work has paid off and has taught me so much. It’s really highlighted the tenacity I hold inside to get things done even when I find them difficult.

This last spring quarter I got all A’s in my classes and was finally able to make it on the Dean’s list of my school, which is a list only students with a GPA of 3.8 – 4.0 for that quarter are on. I was able to do this while also working three different jobs and being in several on campus clubs.

I got voted as vice president for PSI CHI, a honors society in psychology where only the top 15% of the class get officiated and only those with leadership qualities obtain positions.

I finished my first TA job for a class called introduction to dentistry where I was the only TA for one of the largest intro to dent classes.

I was on top of things and finished my dental school application early on.

I received a scholarship in psychology for outstanding performance. This helped lower my tuition by a great amount.

My relationship with my dad has gotten a lot better because I never gave up on him.

Those are only few of the things that I’ve recently accomplished. This fall I’ll be entering my senior year of college (I’m almost done. I can’t believe it!) I’m excited to see what the future holds for me, but I’m also scared as well. I have no idea how well I’ll do on this test. I have no idea if I’ll get a call for an interview or an email for acceptance. I don’t know what people will say about me if I fail to get those. I just don’t know. But many things in life are ambiguous. Someone once told me that, “The world is neither black or white, only shades of grey,” and I would have to say that I completely agree.

Everyone goes through obstacles, the important thing is how we deal with them and how we let them affect us. If we don’t accept these obstacles as learning experiences then by the time the next obstacle comes, you could feel just as scared and hopeless rather than feeling secure because you’ve dealt with this before.

For now all we can do is be brave and try. Try our best at what we’re doing and see what happens. I strive to become someone who is able to deal with all of life’s various outcomes, especially the negative ones. Although there are so many times I want to run away and hide, I know that I’m strong enough to deal with the things I fear (i.e. failure) if I let myself go through the experience with a positive outlook and learn from it. I hope you guys will allow yourselves to do the same.

These are only some of the things I’ve been dealing with and managing. I hope that it’s cleared up some reasons for my absence on this site. Most of you probably didn’t even notice the absence and that’s perfectly fine. Maybe it’s more for my sake that I’m making this post :-) I still plan on keeping this blog (this isn’t a goodbye!) My appearances will probably just be more sporadic if anything. Thank you always for the support and for reading this far. I hope you will all be well.  


– your friend, Annie 

aka forever and always humanseoul

hey y’all I’m here to recommend a youtube channel that I love to bits, run by a man named Checkers Prefect. He’s a 50-ish gamer who makes lots of Fallout 4 and Skyrim videos. He has really long-running, really mellow ongoing playthroughs of both, here and here. I’ve been marathoning his Skyrim one because I super needed to calm down yesterday. He semi-roleplays as Checkers the Khajiit, even using Khajiit speech patterns, and keeps up a stream of quiet, wry commentary.

He also does bedtime videos which he’s switched over to calling ASMR, which, I guess is true but he didn’t need to say it. They’re just peaceful nighttime walks through Skyrim, Oblivion, Fallout 4, and New Vegas. The vibe is kind of like guided meditation, obviously not done by a professional, but the Skyrim ones were so good for me mid-senior year when I couldn’t get myself to sleep. Those are over here.

He has a few other let’s plays, though I believe he’s said those won’t last as long. I haven’t watched all his game analysis/dev type stuff, but he has interesting insights in some rambly videos and a few edited ones, like how a car can be the most dangerous thing in Fallout here (rambly), and what immersion is here (edited).

He’s very wonderful, and, as he says, very mellow and soft-spoken. He strives to make a kind and supportive community and so far he’s winning. He’s just, he’s lovely, please check out his channel here!

anonymous asked:

my friends and i are rly worried about this one close friend we have, she has had head lice since primary school and we are currently in senior year yet she still hasn't done anything about it, she acts like is not even there, hugging and laying her head o everyone's shoulders, my friends and i are mad bc of her ignorance about it but are too scared to tell her abt it bc she has a very "don't tell me what to do" personality and her parents don't really take care of her :(

Thats terrible jesus I dont kno what to tell u dude,. Obviously u cant force her to do anything but she needs to know how gross it is and how its affecting ur friendship. She’s putting you guys in danger of catching them too and she may not realise how selfish she’s being. At her age now she definitely doesnt need her parents to help her get rid of them she can do it herself or u guys can help her if you’re up to it.

Self-promotion is so hard.

I’ve got anxiety induced nausea. Isn’t that something? It has to be done though.

Yesterday I contacted my local paper. My senior year of high school they published a full page spread on my NaNoWriMo novel. I had hoped that they would be interested in doing a follow-up piece on my first published book. They were, and they weren’t. I’ve got an author profile secured as soon as the book cover is finished (in the next two weeks, get excited for that) but it’s not going to be an article like it was the first time. Ok. Exposure is exposure, and I will take what I can claw down to me.

Today I contacted one of my favorite high school teachers. He was such a fantastic person. It was in his class that I got to participate in NaNoWriMo, and I also took part in several of his short plays at the local college. I was the mouth from “Not I,” by Samuel Beckett once, which was just such a strange and fun experience. My hope is that he will be able to help me get my novel into the school library, and my dream is that he will invite me to speak to one of his classes on the publishing process, since November is right around the corner. I don’t know what he’ll say. I’m ready to be disappointed, but I’m hopeful.

My next step is contacting local bookstores.

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anonymous asked:

Hey man i know ur not active much on here anymore but i hope youre doing good. Tumblrs a hellhole and its probably good to be away from it but i miss ur blog! If you ever see this i hope you have a good day✨

hey dude i really appreciate that. i reinstalled the app like a week ago so i could read something and ive found myself compulsively opening it all the time like i used to which i hate. im deleting it after i post this. i don’t like the way i came across on here these past few years, but that probably has more to do with me growing up and everything. as for right now, being a senior is strange, and i feel like an overgrown kid. but i know the work i need to do to get what i want, and i’m proud of myself for the work i’ve already done. so in short, i am doing better. thanks for sending this. i love you, take care.

Surely, this is what all serious profs do...

Originally posted by m48patton

So I’m teaching college seniors this year, and we’re reading all this amazing, serious (and sometimes depressing) work about social justice movements.

To help make the homework less heinous, I put students into MLPFIM-themed reading groups:

  • unicorns
  • pegasuses
  • earth ponies.

During the semester, each student has to help co-teach a class with me, and they graduate to… alicorns! When they’re done presenting, I give them a Twilight Sparkle sticker.

One of my students (who’s presenting tomorrow) is so pumped about her “graduation” that she titled her presentation notes Alicorn Day. So of course I had to spend a full half hour searching for the right Princess Twilight Sparkle gif to surprise her with in class.

💙 MORE sisterhood bonding ice breaker games! 💙

After bid day - or anytime you want to get to know your sisters better - play some bonding ice breaker games! When members reveal more about themselves it strengthens the ties that bind the chapter together. Ideal for retreats, meetings, sisterhood socials and more.

💙   6 Seeking Sisterhood Closeness Games: 💙 

  • Why My Sorority: Gather the sisters in a large circle and pass around a bowl with sorority questions inside. Each sister must answer one question about her chapter experience. Tailor your insightful questions to your sisterhood, your new members class, or your grads for senior send off. Sample Questions: 
  1. “I become a XYZ member because…”
  2. “The best chapter project I ever worked on was…”
  3. “Being a XYZ has taught me that…”
  4. “When people ask me about XYZ, I tell them…”
  5. “For our sorority this year, I plan to…”
  6. “My most meaningful chapter memory is…”
  • I Have Never: Divide the chapter into smaller groups of 6-10 girls sitting in a circle. Everyone starts with a pile of candy. Going around the circle, each sister finishes the sentence “I have never…” Everyone who HAS done what the sister speaking has never done gives that girl one of their candies. For example, the first girl says “I have never eaten snails.” All the other girls who HAVE eaten escargot give the speaker a piece of candy. Play until one person has all the candy. This is a fun way to learn things you might otherwise not know about your sisters! 
  • Me Too: Divide the chapter into smaller groups of 4-6 girls sitting in a circle. Everyone in the group gets 10 pieces of candy or gum. The first person states something unique that she HAS done, for example “I have traveled to China”. Every girl who has done the same thing, puts a piece of candy/gum in the center of the circle. Then the second member states something like “I have been on TV.” All other TV stars must put a piece of candy/gum in the middle. Play until one person runs out of sweets. 
  • Giving Greek Thanks: This game is especially ideal for a day or weekend retreat. Label an envelope with each sister’s name and leave them on a conference table or place where everyone will see them. Distribute paper and pens to the membership and talk about all the “thankless jobs” within the chapter and how much it means for sisters to be appreciated. Ask each girl to leave a note in another sister’s envelope during the retreat thanking her for a job well done in the sorority. Ideally each member writes a short note for each other sister (depending on the size of your chapter.) These thanks can be anonymous if you wish. Variations: 
  1. Make the notes about encouragement or inspiration instead of thanks.  
  2. Instead of using envelopes, make a photo poster board for each sister and have members write their comments on each poster front and back. 
  • Animal Line-Up: Tell the chapter to silently think of their favorite animal. Then tell the group to arrange themselves in one long line from largest to smallest animal without talking! They are allowed to make hand gestures and animal noises, but no speaking. For example, the girl who loves elephants should end up at the head of the line, and the sister who adores mice at the tail end. After everyone has lined up, have a leader go down the line asking for the name of each animal and see if the sizes are accurately in order. 
  • Sorority Shout Out: This quick energizer is a great way to kick off a retreat or meeting. Round 1: Ask the room full of sisters to think of three benefits they receive from the sorority. Then have all the girls stand up and walk around the room shouting out their three blessings ~ ALL at the same time. Round 2: Ask the sisters to think about three ways they give to the sorority. Again all at once, they should walk around the room and loudly exclaim their chapter contributions. Round 3: Finally, ask the girls to think about what are three things they can do before graduating to make the chapter even better. Everyone walks around shouting out their future visions in unison with commitment and pride! 
My journey to Prelims: an admonition to never give up

Yesterday my teacher gave me permission to move up to Prelims.  This probably has you thinking “so what, that happens to lots of people”, but let me tell you my story first.

I started dancing with a recreational class in the summer of 2000.  I was 13 and had never danced or done sports or anything active, really, but as soon as I learned my first steps, I knew I was in love.  I continued learning beginner dances and ceilis and then joined a CLRG school two years later.  I began competing that fall and rocketed through the grades, and by my senior year of high school, I had qualified for prelims.  I was so excited to finally dance in a championship–it was like my wildest dreams were coming true.

Shortly after that I decided to switch schools.  The transfer went horribly wrong, since the paperwork wasn’t sent in for many months after I switched, so my ban started very late and I lost all of 2005 competitively.  The next year I competed a few times in Prizewinner with my new steps, but by then life and school was starting to get in the way, and I stopped dancing.

For years afterward, I agonized over my decision to quit.  I should have pushed through it, I told myself.  I regretted never dancing in champs or at an Oireachtas tremendously.  I bounced around from activity to activity, trying to find something to fill that void in my life, until after a particularly unfruitful tennis lesson I thought to myself “I’ll never find anything I like as much as I like dance–WAIT A MINUTE, you dummy, just go dance again!”

I started back at my original school four years ago now, beginning with the adult ceili class, just trying to get moving again.  I have found an incredible family at this school, who pushed me, encouraged me, and always took my dream of doing champs seriously.

So here I am, qualifying again for Prelims, ten years after the first time.  I’ll be 28 by the time I do my first Oireachtas, and by all accounts I shouldn’t even be at this stage.  Between gaining weight thanks to depression and a busted thyroid, breaking my foot earlier this year, the insane way Irish dancing has evolved over the past decade, and all the craziness that goes along with adult life, it’s truly mind-boggling that I’ve gotten this far.

I will be so relieved once I compete in Champs for the first time in 25 days, because I will finally be able to stop saying “what if”.  “If I had never stopped dancing” won’t matter anymore.  I’ll be able to say I DID IT, I finally competed in a prelim and I did something I’ve been waiting my whole adult life to do.  Although I plan on putting a lot of work in, I honestly don’t care if I get last for the rest of the year (including at the O’s).  Just showing up is an accomplishment in itself.

I may not be a world medal holder, but I just want to say this: never give up on your dreams.  People, including yourself and your own negativity, may tell you it’s impractical, or stupid, or a waste of time.  Unless that person is a doctor telling you it’s dangerous, don’t listen to them.  Push through and surprise everyone–even yourself.

hey hey hey everyone, i need your help! i am making a zine (for what is essentially my senior project) and i need YOU!

so here is the deal - 
i am illustrating pieces of advice for adolescents, as my project for the last 3 years has been an exploration of youth. i am compiling the advice and stories and consolations of those who have experienced, firsthand, the trials of being a teenager.
this is very open-ended, tell me about the most important thing(s) you learned in high school - not just that you should have joined more clubs or done your work on time - but about discovering what makes you happy, sad, tired, anything. about heartbreak, about joy, about that house party where you cried, about being ~in love~, or not being in love. tell me about that thing that happened last summer that you can’t forget about, tell me why, send me the text that you have saved on your phone from two years ago. give me some words, sentences, poems, stories, somethings (which you have written of course) that represent the important things that have happened to you or near you or within you somewhere between your first day of freshman year and being handed your diploma. tell me what mattered, what matters.

if i use your words, i will mail you a print of my drawings/illustrations that will accompany it, along with another drawing and little surprises. and of course you will receive credit for your writing in my pieces and in the overall zine. we will be in private contact of course so that i can get your mailing address, etc. 

please email what you’ve got to say to srwestart@gmail.com (within the next week or so probably) and we will be in contact! feel totally free to message me/email me with any questions or comments or whatever, i’d be very happy to talk with you! and finally, even if you are not sure what to say but you know/have followers who might, i would be so appreciative if you reblogged this!!! 

The thing about control is that the more you have, the more you want
And eventually you stop caring what you have to take from the people around you to get it
The things about being out of control is that you start to believe that its what you want because that’s the only form of it you can get and you get addicted to it
My mom is 59 years old and she has been so out of control her whole life that the only vacation she has ever known is a power trip and she takes them almost every day
I am adopted and what I’ve learned bout family from the people I’ve lived with has pushed me farther away from a sense of belonging than its ever done to try and make me feel like a part of something
I do not feel at home in my own house
My dad fought stage four cancer for 15 months before passing on my freshman year of high school when I was 13
I turned 17 a few months ago and I am a senior now and have warred with myself for five years and only recently have I won enough control over myself to actually be happy
I have never seen my problems as a big enough deal to validate what I have felt but now that I actually accomplished something my mom is trying to take it away
I run track for my high school because I used to love it and it felt more like a family than the people I live with
My dad always taught me to never give up so I never have and to get back up as soon as you fall down but lately I can’t stand track so much I’m not fighting my legs to keep me up anymore
Falling seems like the only option
I signed an intent letter with a college to keep my mom off my back but its breaking anyways
My feet are caught on the ledge of a major relapse
I can’t do this
I tried to tell my mom of this but all she told me was
Deal with it
I hate my job and I am unhappy and that is what you re going to do too because it is what we need”
This is not tough love
For years its felt like all you do is hurt me, mom when will you realize that not all wounds bleed?…
She never learned control
She thinks she has some because she can tell me and my brother what to do but control doesn’t start with others it starts with yourself
I understand trying to be a good single parent but forcing your child to be miserable because you are and you think that’s whats best because you “care about us” is not teaching us or gaining you any control it is teaching self-destruction
And pulling yourself out of that is something I have already learned to do that I’m thinking she never will
I hope my brother learns the same
When I said I needed to quit track my mom told me “do this for your dad”
I have tried my whole life to be just like him when I was kid i would step in his footprints in the sand when he’d take me to the beach
I’ve tried to keep my feet in them through the years and make him proud but just like at the beach they’ve been washed away and will never come back I have lost sight of what being like him means
I have heard the words “you are just like your father” so many times because I am sarcastic and am too stubborn to give up or ask for help or show weakness but I am not him
I will never be him
I will never be as strong or smart or determined I don’t know if I will have the will to stand up through what he did
It has been only 3 years since he passed but my image of him has become so distorted that I don’t know if he is even what I want to be anymore
My mom uses him as an excuse and I do not remember if what I know of him is real anymore
She has told me so many times “your father wouldn’t have wanted this” and I am so confused on what he was actually like now it almost brings me to tears that I can’t say,
“No he wouldn’t”
And know it was true.
But I realized my life isn’t about what other people want it is about what I want
I never met my biological family but I have met my real family
It is the friends I have chosen and learned to trust who have offered more support than the person who tried so desperately to have something of her own but never quite got it
I did not learn how to love by being around love I learned it from being alone and then finally finding it when I stopped searching for answers to why I was so empty
I was numb for a long time
I will not let myself fall I have learned that sometimes leaving does not mean giving up it means moving on
Quitting track will not be falling down and refusing to get up if it is what is tripping me
I was out of control my whole life and I learned to be addicted to it
I never sought control but I pulled myself out of such darkness control came out with me, we have grown together
Its something I am still learning
But I know now what I want and I have found family in my friends
And I will do what I need to do for me
And I will continue to be happy
—  On Control and Tough Love, a.m.c (01.07.15)

Honestly, I don’t even know how to begin to explain how amazing Friday night was. I can’t put into words how thankful I am for what 5sos-official has done for me.

Since I was 10 years old, I’ve dreamed of being a musician. Life was tough and music was the first thing that I found a love and passion for entirely on my own. I was 12 when my dad got me my first guitar, and I was 14 when I began to learn how to play it. Before I knew it, I was a senior in high school, and I was being forced to decide what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. The only thing that I knew could make me happy for a lifetime was music, but I’m nothing special as a musician. I don’t have an amazing voice, and I’m really insecure about my guitar playing. Everyone kept telling me I need to dream of something realistic. Music can’t make you rich. After graduation, I didn’t sign up for college because I had no idea what to study. The only thing I knew was music but again, I’m nothing special and I would never survive that industry. So I waited. I was so close to giving up on my dreams.

Then, my friend showed me a new band she figured I’d like. Honestly, I had heard of them before but I assumed they were a boy band as they were touring with one direction. (Don’t get me wrong - I do love one direction, but they are not my regular taste in music) Considering my favorite band is All Time Low and Alex Gaskarth kept tweeting them, I listened to them and heard the pop punk influence, and instantly fell in love.

It shocked me to learn that ¾ of the guys were younger than me. They were all just 4 regular boys from Australia chasing their dreams - just like me - and now they’re friends with the musicians they grew up idolizing. That’s when it hit me - I had a chance. I didn’t have to give up. I wouldn’t.

Fast forward to August (?) of 2014. 5SOS announces a tour and they have a stop in my town - Seattle.
I got off work for the day that tickets were released and bought two of the best possible tickets available - soundcheck, and spots in general admission.
After that it was all about patience.

When the ROWYSO tour started, everyone freaked out because the boys brought a fan on stage to play guitar. It killed me. I couldn’t imagine playing guitar on stage with my favorite band. (Insert “I am not worthy” gif from Wayne’s world)

The year strolled by. I finally started classes at a local community college because I wanted to get my basic credits out of the way while I was young. For my class, I wrote my final paper about the gender gap in the music business and for it I was able to interview a music producer who I met in LA when I went down there for the first time in September 2014 to see 5OS. It was through that that I knew I wanted to be a producer.

Fast forward again. The show is a week away and 5sos has still been inviting fans on stage during the show. I couldn’t let myself go to the show without trying as hard as I possibly could to get on that stage (legally, of course.) I decided to make a sign that said “MICHAEL, PICK ME.”

On Wednesday night, me and my best friend stayed at another friends house because she was chosen to be an insider. Thursday we got downtown at 11am, and we found their actual hotel at 2pm. After a bit of casual walking around and waiting, we went into the hotel lobby. My mom and I had been in there before without staying in the hotel so I was confident if we were casual we could stay. My insider friend, Amy, then decided she was going to walk up the stairs to the front desk. Me and Nikki (best friend) sat on the couches downstairs to wait for her. But, as she was walking up the stairs she passes by two guys - one of them was a huge older guy, and the other was younger, tan, tall, with shaggy sandy blonde hair. AND THATS WHEN I REALIZED IT WAS ASHTON AND I WENT INTO SHOCK. I said his name softly - loud enough for him to hear but not to start a scene - and he looked around like he heard it but didn’t want to make eye contact with me. I don’t think it was rude of him, it was understandable because I was in the hotel, invading his privacy, his alone time. Then I look back at Amy, and freaking Calum walks by her. Idk what to do so me and Nikki are just awkwardly standing by the couches - when Nikki begins coughing and having an asthma attack. (Not because she saw them - because she was having troubles breathing before. I had wandered off from the two to check the other hotel that ended up actually being theirs, so when I called them and said their bus was there they both ran 7 blocks up hill.) the boys walked into the bar/restaurant and sat a bit away. Because Nikki couldn’t breath, she went to the bar and asked for a water. The girl gave her and Amy a glass but then the security guards were onto us and the hotel security got us and wanted us to leave. We explained the situation with Nikki and how she needed water so he said he’d bring us some and we went outside. He brought them smart waters which is freakin awesome because $$$$ but then again the hotel is also $$$$$$$$$$$$ so it’s not like it did any damage. Anyway after that he showed us the area that they had roped off and some fans were in there. He said that’s where we should be cause the guys will meet fans there. We ended up staying there until 2am and the guys never came out. However, Bryana came in a taxi at 1:30 and she was so wonderful and beautiful and sweet and I love her wow. Anyway point of this is we were downtown waiting to meet them for 15 hours and didn’t get to so we were all really down.


Because we were exhausted from the day before, we got to the venue at 1pm. We were gonna go to their hotel early but decided not to. We also figured so many people were at the needle trying to meet them we wouldn’t even bother. And of course they met people ha ha smh

We got food. Me and Nikki went to soundcheck and it was wonderful. We made some great friends. You know how the story goes..
Our tickets were for general admission and we got pink wristbands which meant we were on Michael’s side. While waiting for them to let us in (soundcheck kids got in first, before the doors opened) I got to chat with girls who would be in Michael’s pit so when we got down there we were all friends. I asked them if they would help me when michael picked someone to get onstage and they all agreed bc FAM. So the show starts and it’s wonderful and amazing and hey violet is adorable and 5sos can’t spell hair gel and I love them. A few years ago I went to an arcade and won this stuffed banana and when I went to LA I wanted to try to throw it on stage for them but I couldn’t. So I brought it to this show and threw it and it MISSED THE STAGE AND FELL ON THE FLOOR I ALMOST CRIED.

Anyway they played rejects and I knew that was when they’d pick a fan. I thought they did it before the song so when they didn’t I got depressed and figured they were either going to do it during a different song or not going to do it at all, but then, before the last chorus, they stopped. Here’s how the conversation went~
Michael: I have an idea Luke: well I also have an idea Michael: oh..well.. What’s your idea? Luke: I think we should bring a fan onstage to play this song with us Michael: that’s a great idea!

Instantly I put my sign up and turned the lights on for it to flash. The lights in the stadium were turned down and michael and Luke were given big flashlights. They were shining them all over the crowd, looking around my side, (they were saying things too about who they should pick) and when they walked to calum’s side I got flashbacks of when I saw ATL and they brought people on stage for time bomb and I wasn’t one of them, and one of the girls didn’t know the freaking lyrics and it made me so mad omg. I was gonna be so heart broken if I was going to end up watching someone get on stage who didn’t even know how to play guitar. They kept looking around and I noticed the camera man was looking at me and I was on the big screen. Then Luke walked over to Mikes side and was shining his flashlight towards me, and said “hey, this girl has a sign. Should we bring her up?” And michael came over and shined his light at me too so I couldn’t see anything other than two bright lights and all I could hear was people yelling and finally I realized they picked me when someone said “ITS YOU! THEY PICKED YOU!!” And then a bodyguard came over and pulled me out of the pit. I put my backpack down and one of the security guards said I couldn’t bring my phone on stage so I gave it to him.

Then I looked up at the stage and realized that was it. I was going to do it. I walked up and looked at the crowd and it was PACKED to say the least. The arena was filled to the ceiling. Strangely it didn’t bother me though, and I didn’t even think about the people. I was more scared performing at my last dance competition in front of 50 people than I was to be on stage with 4 of my inspirations in front of +15,000 people in the key arena. It was oddly comfortable.

This is where things get kinda blurry in my memory. Michael and Luke were looking at me so I walked over to the catwalk where they were standing. I stood by Michael and glanced over at Luke who was just staring at me and that’s when it hit me - it was real. Michael asked my name and if I played guitar and I said yeah, he looked like he was waiting for me to say more so I said I’ve been playing for 6 years. That’s when he was like ok wow that’s longer than me. He handed me his guitar and I put the strap around me while Luke teased that I was probably better than Michael (I didn’t hear it, luckily. If I did then I would’ve been much more nervous bc no way in hell am I better than Michael) lemme just say, Michael wears his guitar LOW. It felt like it was at my ankles. Before I started playing Michael switched it so that I was playing rhythm (thank u mikey) and then he strummed a bit and handed me the pick. Him and Luke walked away and I honestly kinda panicked in my mind. It was like at the end of the Lizzie McGuire movie when Lizzie and Isabella are singing a duet and then Isabella leaves and Lizzie is like WTF M8. In my head I was panicking bc the guitar was so low and my wrists are weak so I thought I would be crappy. I ended up lifting the guitar onto my leg a bit which made it kinda hard to play so all I did was play a little chord progression. Ashton started drumming along and I think Calum started playing too, but I couldn’t hear ANYTHING that I was playing. Ashton stopped so I stopped and Michael came over and said I was a rock goddess and something else idk. I handed him his guitar and tried to hand him his pick but he was like “you can have that” and then I went to walk back and Luke opened his arms for a hug and I hugged him and said thank you so much (Now rewatching videos I think he said something back but I was in a daze and didn’t notice. I’m gonna assume he said you’re welcome or something idk) then I walked back to michael and hugged him and said thank you to him and then I got off the stage and I went back to the barricade and they let me back in where I was. Everyone was telling me I did really good and that’s when I broke down and sobbed into Nikki’s shoulder and then continued watching the show and kdjsjdaiidiajna.

And then here’s a lovely conversation they had before playing SKH
Luke: You may have noticed that we released a new song not too long ago. And what I wanna do - what we wanna do is play that song right now. How do you feel about that? Michael: What would you do if I just said right now I didn’t wanna play it? Luke: wut Michael: what would you do if I was just like, nope, I’m not gonna do it Calum: I would believe you if you said you didn’t know how to play it. Luke: michael says no Michael: I don’t know how to play it. I’m just gonna play - Luke: (points at me) Let’s get Haleigh back up. She’ll play and this is where I freeze up and realize he’s talking about me Calum: (giggles his widdle giggle) Michael: yeah let’s get Haleigh back up
also towards the end of the show, the camera guy picked up my banana and put it by Michael’s mic stand so yAY :’)))))))

After the show, everyone in the pit came up and told me if they got pics and got my number to send them. Some girls told me I was awesome and when I was walking out everyone was looking at me bc they recognized me IT WAS SUCH A WEIRD FEELING. Lots of girls came up and said I did really great and some asked for selfies and some even asked for hugs bc I hugged Luke and Michael. I went to where the busses were bc I was meeting my friend darby there and people were asking me if I was the one that went on stage and they asked for my twitter and stuff.

When I got on Twitter it was blowing up. All these update accounts were tweeting about me. I was getting texts from friends who were not only at the show, but Internet friends and friends I met in California freaking out bc they saw me on their timeline. On Twitter everyone was being so nice, complimenting me and saying I was so good. On Instagram my friend tagged me in an update accounts picture and the comments OMG. Girl were like “SHE SLAYED” “SHES SO GOOD” one girl even said “of course they picked the girl with major talent. I’m convinced they talked before the show” which I take as a huge compliment.

So here’s the thing. I’ve ALWAYS been insecure about my guitar playing. I don’t like playing in front of people who are really good bc I suck. I’ve never ever jammed with anyone (by that I mean I play guitar while someone else plays a different instrument.) hell, my ex had a band room and he played drums and he tried to get me to jam with him but I never did because I was too nervous. But I got on stage in front of tens of thousands of people, and I jammed with one of my favorite bands - the band that I nearly gave up on ever getting the opportunity to meet. It felt so natural. It was everything I ever dreamed of since I was a child.
I feel like all I’ve done for my parents recently is disappoint them. I didn’t get to walk at my graduation. I didn’t start school until 2 years after graduation. I’ve been working at the same frozen yogurt shop for 4 years now because I’m too afraid of change. Recently very sensitive to anxiety attacks. And meanwhile my older sister is a missionary, going to school to become a part of the ministry and getting straight A’s, spending a month in a small, poor town in Costa Rica on a mission trip with my room mate. All my dad seems to post about on Facebook is pictures of my sister in other countries, and he constantly talks about how proud he is of her. He says he’s proud of me, but nothing specific - just like, proud that I don’t do drugs or anything. But that night my dad posted on Facebook about me and how insanely proud he is and how he could never do it. My mom and sister did the same. 5SOS finally gave me a reason to make my family proud of me. I’ve felt so irrelevant lately but that moment completely proved it wrong. Again, I can’t begin to explain how grateful I am to have been given this incredible opportunity.

(sorry this was so long but yeah I had to try to put it all into words so enjoy this wall of text)

My latest post about petitioning to start an Adopt a Junior program has already gotten a response after a few minutes of being up, so I thought that it’s probably best to start this now. The directions for what to do are explained in the picture above. DO NOT DELETE THIS TEXT WHEN YOU REBLOG OR I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PAIR YOU UP WITH ANOTHER APPBLR. THIS WILL NOT SHOW UP ON YOUR BLOG

quick note: don’t worry if your name isn’t showing up on someone else’s reblog of this post. the easiest way for me to organize this is for me to get everyone’s individual notification and add you to my master post. just add you’re name wherever – you’ll end up on the list! 

if you’re a mobile user, reply to this post with either “junior” or “senior”


Seniors, when you are assigned to a Junior, make an effort to introduce yourself. I’m going to make the matches as best as I can based on what each blog looks like/similar interests/etc, so get talking! The best way to provide good advice is to build friendships. How you choose to communicate is up to you, but it may be helpful to exchange gmails, facebooks, main blogs, etc. Be there for your Junior, and reach out if you see them struggling. 

Juniors, do not be afraid to start asking your Senior questions right away! The sooner you get started on your essays and resumés, the better off you’re going to be when it comes to actually applying in the fall. Your Senior has been there and done that already, and the CommonApp prompts won’t be changing next year, so START NOW! Your Senior will probably wear lots of hats over the summer and fall semester depending on what you need: they will be your backbone, mental support, editorial team. If for some reason things are not working out between you and your Senior, send me a message. I am more than willing to be your Senior or find you someone! 


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What She Has Done for My Soul

The night of TOSCA’s Christmas concert arrives. Morse dresses smartly in his best dress suit with a red tie for the occasion. He greets his fellow choir members and stands with the other tenors in the back row. He flips through his music fussily, looking for the first song. 

“You’re more tense than usual, Morse,” says his neighbor, Michael. “What’s gotten into you? You’re never nervous.”

Morse clears his throat, adjusting his tie. “My fiancee’s in the audience.”

Michael, who is approximately ten years his senior, raises his eyebrows. “Well. Congratulations, Morse. Remind me I owe you a drink at the after-party.”

Morse blushes. “Thanks, Michael.”

The conductor taps his stick on his music stand, and the choir members straighten to attention. Morse finds himself standing impossibly straighter, hoping the soft lighting makes him look good. He wants to impress Norah. 

The choir begins by singing “Silent Night” in Latin; a TOSCA tradition. Morse hopes Norah is enjoying it.

Pinkie Promise

Since adiwriting asked so nicely


Blaine doesn’t open his eyes and sighs into the phone.


“Yes, Sam.”

“You’re back in Ohio, dude!”

“I missed you too.”

Sam stays silent for a moment. “I won’t ask you how you’re doing, because that would be dumb.”

Blaine has never been so grateful for his friend, but he remains silent, because he just doesn’t know what to say.

“You know what you need?”

“Oh, Sam, no fanfiction or ice c–”

“Some Evans Love Fest!”

Keep reading

Well, the damage is done.

Now it’s going to take me another year to grow it all back. I suppose this time I may just keep it fun.
At least most of what was chopped off will be donated to a worthy cause. So that’s a blessing. Yay! =]
Hope you guys have a great night. Crazy weekend around here. I get to see the munchkins (my brother’s girls), but it’s also my eldest niece’s senior prom. I have no idea where the time has gone or how I got old. Lol! Anyway, I’m excited about both. It’s going to be busy between ballgames, prom, practices, soccer. Ugh! How do you all manage the madness?
Well, I’m off for now… cake in the over I need to go deal with. Wish me luck.
Goodnight! xo