Mistake or not
Hi! This is the second part of Mistake. Hope you enjoy! There probably will be more parts than What I had originally thought so yeh. In this one there is:
There might be more but these are what I could think of XD
Lance will admit he was not doing alright. He couldn’t find the energy to actually move or walk out of his room, to that adding that he didn’t want to face the other paladins. He did try to, its not like he didn’t, he would stand infront of his door where he knew the others were at the other side and contemplate if he should or shouldn’t go out and face them. He had decided that he wouldn’t, at least not until he felt better. There still was that fucking painful clench in his heart and he had already clawed at his chest so much that it had scratching wounds that had covered his hands, chest and abdomen with blood, which forced him to have to spend quite some time in the bathroom taking care if that.
He had lost track of time and hadn’t stopped crying. Whenever he though his body couldn’t create more tears he was proven wrong. Hunk’s words were in a loop in his mind. He just couldn’t believe that Hunk would think of him that way. The thought that now he didn’t have Hunk to rely on was too overwhelming.
He did ponder on using the pills to end his torture, but just when he was about to pop all of the pills into his mouth he had hesitated.
He started to think how would the others react to this. Allura, Coran and Hunk worried him the most.
Allura has already expressed her deep care for Lance. She had claimed that he was her little brother, and would drag him to her room so they had what she had called sibling time. That surely had helped him with his conflicts but didn’t exactly do the trick since she was usually busy with planning strategies and dealing with where to go next and all.
Coran was the uncle he didn’t really have. His Papa was an only child and his mother had two sisters. Just like how his mother treated him differently, they did as well. In all honesty he was under his mother’s care so she didn’t have problems with the law. Coran would actually guide him when he was stuck, no wonder he was a royal advisor. Whenever Lance needed to talk about his feelings and Hunk couldn’t help him Coran would always be willing to help him. Sometimes he even reminded Lance of his Papa because of how willing he was to leave everything he was doing to listen to Lance.
And Hunk. Honestly he worried Lance more than the others.
He remembers when he tried to kill himself after his father died. He had just started at the garrison and had fallen into what Hunk called a death pit, it was just like this one right now. Obviously it’s all foggy and blurry with missing pieces because he was dying, but one thing stood in his mind and has never left. It was Hunk. Hunk had been so scared and the way he begged and wailed for Lance to not die replayed fresh in his mind. That made him feel angry at himself. He had gotten so angry that he had thrown the pills across the room causing them to scatter everywhere.
Hunk hurt him yet he still cared. He wanted to hate Hunk, wanted to be angry at him, but he just couldn’t. Hunk was such an important person to him that Lance couldn’t help it. Who knows maybe he has a platonic crush on Hunk or something but he didn’t really care. Hunk has been a constant in his life, he was used to having him there to hold him and comfort him and now that Hunk was the one that hurt him he didn’t know how to deal with his emotions.
So he decided to atleast find comfort in Blue. He had decided to let Blue back into his mind after the commotion. She had turned into her organic form and had been begging and pleading at Lance to let her in for almost three days in a row, he knew she was scratching at his door to let him know she was there and wanted to go in so he let her in. When he opened the door just a little for her to slip in he was greeted by a glimpse of the others making him close the door again immediately after she slipped in.
He would snuggle in her warmth and love. He would take as much as he could even if that malicious thought that Blue was too good for him still bugged his mind. He decided to chase it off, for her.
He knew the others were outside his door, he also knew Pidge had hacked into his helmet giving he heard her cheering and wooping when she succeeded. He guessed it was to see what he was up to.
Lance had moved to sit against the door now, Blue bringing him his pillows and blankets and together they made their own den against the door. He would listen to all the others outside the door murmured to him through the door, he would listen to every single apology and attempt to get him to atleast speak. He didn’t answer though, he just leaned back against the door and listen while caressing Blue’s fur. He had decided to keep the helmet against his chest along with his jacket giving the slightest bit of comfort he could to the team through the hacked helmet. He knew already why Pidge Hacked it, they were using it as a stethoscope and were listening to his pulse. He didn’t mind as long as it brought them comfort.
Lance knew he shouldn’t be thinking for ways to comfort the rest of the team right outside the door when he couldn’t even breath without feeling like his ribs were going to crush his lungs and heart, when his head felt like it was being split open because of the raging head ache he had, when he had to breath through his mouth because his nose was clogged up, when his eyes were puffy and swollen, and his once smooth and healthy lips are now chapped from so much crying, but he couldn’t help feeling worst at the thought that they were hurting because of him, he hurt them. He hurt the people he has come to care the most in this fucking war.
He was leaning against the door once again staring at the wall infront of him while caressing Blue’s fur. He frowned when he felt something big and warm press against the door.
“Lance?” Came Hunk’s voice making him freeze in his spot and his breath get caught in his throat. Lance gulped trying to get rid of the lump forming in his throat and his eyes started to tear up instantly. He hugged the helmet and jacket tightly against his chest biting his chapped bottom lip harshly, starting to taste an irony flavor in his tongue, probably having just sunk his teeth into his lip.
“Lance… look… I know that I fucked it up I mean… I almost grew up with you and I know how much people have judged you and have compared you to others. I also know how much you’ve always been compared to Keith and always having been told mean things a-and I-I…” Lance gasped lightly as tears ran down his face. At this Blue snarled lowly before curling unto Lance’s lap.
“Shit, Hunk stop, I don’t think now is the time. Blue just snarled at us” came Pidge’s voice muffled by the door. “His heart rate is picking up a lot man”
“Hunk, wait for him to approach us, he might not be ready for this talk, and I doubt that you’re in any state to talk to him.You need to be patient Hunk.” Shiro added, his soothing voice helping Lance start to calm a little before Hunk started to talk again.
“No! I have waited But I need to try and fix this! I-I… Lance, I’m so fucking sorry. I have no excuse for what I did. You have no obligation of forgiving me. You don’t even have to! Just… Don’t fall back into that death pit please. W-When your father died I found you almost dead. I-I would never be able to live with your death in my conscience. Please Just… lets talk it out please Lance” At this point Hunk was sobbing against the door. Lance himself was sobbing uncontrollably using his hand to cover his mouth. He tried desperately to calm down because his breathing was too agitated. Lance knew he was not okay, and Hunk speaking so desperately was like the first day all over again.
“Hunk get away from there right now! Christ Listen to his heart beat! Get the fuck away!” Came Keith’s voice before there was struggling against the door. Lance couldn’t register anything else that was happening after that. He was too busy gasping for air as tears cascaded down his cheeks, his vision was tunneled, pulsing in and out with the rhythm of his heart beat which was blaring on his ears preventing him to listen anything else. His hands trembled where they gripped on the jacket and the helmet in his lap.
“My cub, you need to calm down, I am here for you. Please take deep breaths” came Blue’s soothing voice before her warm comforting presence flooded his mind, instantly starting to work on calming him down. He gasped for air, a ragged cry ripping through his throat before he felt himself be pulled into Blue’s soft fur by huge lion paws on his shoulders. He obeyed trying to take deep breaths, breathing in Blue’s comforting scent. He sobbed and burried his face into her fur as she kept reassuring him in his mind.
After what felt like an eternity he was slumped against Blue too exhausted to move. He felt completely drained in every single way, emotionally, mentally and physically. Blue had taken into her mission to lap at his cheeks trying to get rid of the tears that had slowed considerably, her purr rumbling through their bodies making his eyes get droppy.
“That’s it my cub. Rest. I will stay here by your side, I will shower you with my love. I will protect you and care for you” Blue said, sloftly and carefully pushing him back against the pillows and blankets.
“Blue?” He mumbled looking at the lioness who hummed looking at him with caring yellow eyes" why would you do so much for me? I do not deserve you. A mistake is never something worth caring for"
Blue sighed and laid down against him starting to softly lick his hair in an attempt to groom him even though she had already forced him to shower. She honestly made him feel like her cub sometimes"my cub, I will always love you. You are no mistake. Mistakes do not exist. Everything happens for a purpose.“ She purred carefully pulling a blanket to cover Lance.
“But… what purpose would I have? I mean, I have nothing to offer, I-” Lance started before Blue cut him off.
“Lance, my lovely cub, you have so much to offer yet you speak so lowly of yourself. You’re such an amazing being, so selfless and dedicated. Don’t believe what others say about you. I know my cub, it’s easier said than done, but now you have me by your side. I will help you forever, even if you ever stop being my paladin, you will always be my lovely cub” she purred laying her head on his chest with a lionish warm smile.
“But… Blue I-hmph!”
“None of that, don’t ruin this moment with words sweet cheeks” she said taking her paw from Lance’s face as she had silenced him with it. The genuine laugh that rumbled through Lance’s body made her swell with pride and happiness as she had successfully made her cub feel better.
“And that Blue?” He chuckled as she gave him a shrug
“Learned from the best, now rest my cub, I will be here with you” she purred happily curling against Lance and licking his cheek, softly humming on his mind a soothing lullaby to coax him to sleep. Maybe he could trust blue on this one. He smiled letting exhaustion take over his body and mind.
Mistake or not, he now knew that for Blue, he was more than just her paladin.