While I feel better than I did on thursday, I’m still sick. This morning I showered, changed my bedding, and went downstairs to do a load of laundry and started feeling lightheaded. So I’ll rest more today (not that I’ll put up a fight considering I’ve been spending most evenings & weekends in bed even when not sick). I have a horrible cough - one that feels like it rattles your brain when you cough. Yuck.
I haven’t been to ww in 3 weeks. My scale this morning shows I’m up 4 pounds from what I had lost. Which I think is a true representation because even though I’ve been sick I’ve still had an appetite so I don’t think it’s falsely up (or down?).
I’ve been spending my sick time reading another tumblr’s blog from the beginning. I’ve been doing lots of thinking of where I’m at and where I want to be. Why don’t I want it more? Why am I unwilling and/or unable to change? What are some small changes I could make? Would using a fitbit help me? Should I try no sugar? Would that really be something I could do in the long run? Etc etc etc…
I had the worst night’s sleep last night. It was easily 1 before I fell asleep & was up a few times once I fell asleep. I didn’t even take a nap yesterday.I’ve been doing a writing exercise my therapist recommended & somewhere along the way have felt my life’s purpose is to make other people happy. Does that sound messed up to anyone else? Just me? Also - this one is perplexing me - abandonment issues? One last thing - I have wasted so much food I’ve gotten at the grocery store the last few weeks (last 2 times I’ve gone). Maybe I’ll try to do some meal planning & go to the store tomorrow.