what defines who we really are

Reblog if you have used dude as a non gender specific term.

My mom often corrects me and my sister when we call each other dude, which really shouldn’t matter, but she’s making a big deal out of it anyways. And as someone who often doesn’t conform to what the defined box of what a girl is, it kinda hurts to be shoved back into place by one of the people who is supposed to accept me. So she told me to construct a survey and here’s part of it. Reblog if you’ve used dude (or other things like bro or man)as a non gender specific term before.

feelbending  asked:

Thomas I hope you're okay with all the current drama, I personally believe that you did nothing wrong at all. You're always making sure you're inclusive and doing the right thing, sorry your fandom's exploded :(

Hey!! Yeah, I’m doing fine!! Please don’t worry, these sorts of things happen sometimes and it gets very hard to address and handle all at once! I have made mistakes though, so please don’t feel like you have to defend all that I do, that’s not your responsibility, and I’ve been doing what I can to make sure things were addressed!

There was a piece of art of myself that was posted a while back that I put under a Read More and tagged nsfw because it was, and it was revealed later, after the artists’ bio was updated, that they were not of appropriate age, and that was a complete mistake on my part to make sure! I’ve always made a point to clarify, if people asked me, that if they were to do any nsfw art of me and submit it, that they should be of appropriate age to be doing so. My tumblr started as a personal blog and I thought tagging things appropriately would be enough, but this occurrence absolutely made me rethink how my blog was laid out and how much more consideration I needed to be putting into my blog and who was viewing it, so I made a public apology for it yesterday (in the #TSask) and decided to restructure my blog in order to make sure this never happens again. Posts I deemed too questionable, I have removed and if they ever go up again, they would be going up on a sideblog of some kind. I absolutely appreciate those who brought this up to me. I should have been the one to catch it, and I need to be far more vigilant about what I post from here on out!

There was also the post I responded to about why I felt it right to include asexuals and aromantics of any combination in the community. I’ve been having many really awesome and respectful conversations with people on both sides of this argument and its been really good, for me and I think for a lot of them, to gain understanding on where we’re both coming from. I am so grateful to those who came to me and got to discuss with me incredibly important things to remember and respect: the early struggles of the trans and gay community, the Stonewall Riots, the travesties and systemic oppression that still happen around the world today that need to be fought. We also got to discuss issues like arranged marriages that affect people on all areas of the spectrum. We talked about different demographics of the community and where they would like to stand or not stand. And the importance of limited resources made available to people of the community were discussed with me as well. I’ve been so absolutely grateful to those of you who came to me and are still coming to me to talk through these things, because I don’t claim to know everything, and many of the discussions were ended wonderfully respectfully. In the end, obviously, I have no, or maybe just really little, say in what defines the community. In what I say, I am absolutely making no attempt to prioritize people over another, because there are some extreme things that need to be fought. I can only be in control of myself and who I deem to be valid and who I would like to offer my support. I truly am trying to put myself in everyone’s shoes and see where they’re coming from. And I am so grateful so many of you came to me so respectfully to talk! That’s amazing! That, I think, is the most optimal form of discussion for people on both sides. I don’t like seeing anyone on either side attacking each other, and it’s so devastating to see so much of it. 

I truly hope this helps bring clarity for those of you who were confused or looking for an update! The internet can be a confusing place and the truth can be mangled, but I am doing everything I can to make sure I amend for any bad decisions and hear you all out as best as I can. I’m only human, and I truly do care about you and where you’re all coming from, so I hope you can all bear with me! 

you said. if it is meant to be. fate will bring us back together. for a second i wonder if you are really that naive. if you really believe fate works like that. as if it lives in the sky staring down at us. as if it has five fingers and spends its time placing us like pieces of chess. as if it is not the choices we make. who taught you that. tell me. who convinced you. you’ve been given a heart and a mind that isn’t yours to use. that your actions do not define what will become of you. i want to scream and shout it’s us you fool. we’re the only ones that can bring us back together. but instead i sit quietly. smiling softly through quivering lips thinking. isn’t it such a tragic thing. when you can see it so clearly but the other person doesn’t.
—  rupi kaur

My self esteem has taken a huge hit since I cut off all my hair and I’m honestly so glad. I have been shattered. I got rid of something I was known for to an extent. I used my hair as a safety net. I let it define me. I relied on it a lot and I got a ton of attention for it. All the people flipping out over it telling me to grow it back just proves what a big deal it was and still is. I am forced to look at myself as a human being and decide who I am. I’m redefining myself. Some people are saying I’m being dramatic and it’s just hair or that I talk about it too much but I think it just shows how much people don’t understand. My appearance is such a huge part of my identity and it’s wrong. It’s harmful to me. I feel so much pressure to look perfect every day and if I don’t I feel like I don’t matter or I’m letting everyone down. Obviously that is so dramatic and not true at all but it’s such a weak spot for me. When people say things like “sorry you look better with long hair” or “you were prettier before” it can hurt me so bad if it’s at the wrong moment. I am so detached most of the time it really doesn’t affect me but if someone catches me in a weak moment it can get to me and bring me down. I’m tired of seeing myself for my outer shell. I’m tired of feeling scared people don’t love me anymore. As if the entire world loved me before anyway omg 🙄😑 the people who are telling me I’m not pretty anymore never loved me to begin with and I don’t want their approval or anything from them really. I need to stop caring about people who don’t know me. Everyone close to me has been SO supportive and encouraging and it’s been so fun. When I’m calm and comfortable and I look at my hair, my natural reaction is pure happiness. There is no fear, no doubt, no questions. I love my hair! If I wanna grow it out later I will but right now I do love it and want to keep it for a while. I only think about growing it out when the desire to please people starts to creep back in. Thoughts of growing it out come from a place of fear and that sucks. This entire new chapter has been about ditching fear and it genuinely has been so positive. There is the negative undercurrent of fear, yes, but it doesn’t negate the good. I want this to stop. People can and will say whatever they want but I’m doing my part to cut off all negativity. My self esteem is more important than random insensitive strangers on the internet who prefer long-haired women. There are so many accounts you can look at if you want some rapunzel chick. I can’t live for other people. Again, it’s not that they don’t love me anymore, it’s that they never did. The people that know me are so supportive because they know it’s not that big of a deal and that I am SO MUCH MORE THAN MY HAIR. But I need to remind myself of that!!!! And it’s time I show that to the world too. I have so much to share, so much I’ve created and so much that I think about and I intend to put that into the world this year. I am actually finding myself for the first time outside of my appearance. I’m seeing myself in a new light. Of course I’ve always been aware of the fact that I’m more than my looks, I consciously understand that but I can actually FEEL it now. I didn’t truly believe it before. I guess what I hope you guys can take away from this is that if people are defining you by something superficial or if YOU are, challenge that. You are more than what people say about you, what you look like, your circumstances, really anything external. You’re so much more. We have to get in touch with our value as humans, feel it, believe it, live it and SHARE it with the world. Confidence comes from knowing you are full of light and goodness and that no one can change that. I’m only sharing myself with safe people, people who know and understand me. I’m going to continue to be myself to the fullest and put myself out there but I’m no longer giving weight to what people think of my appearance. Of course it’s hard but I welcome the challenge. If I like it, that’s all that matters. My happiness is important and so is yours. So anyway I just wanted to update you guys on my life and let you know that recently I’ve been struggling with this but I’m working through it. If it seems like I’m always dealing with something, it’s because I am hahaha. That’s life when you’re in touch with your feelings, it’s not bad! It’s more challenging but WAY more fulfilling at the end of the day. I love feeling my feelings and acknowledging them and dealing with them, I didn’t always do that and my life was nowhere near as good as it is now. Overall I’m happy and very optimistic, I’m working on myself, my relationships, my music and my health and this year is already turning out to be one of the best yet, despite some bumps. Love you guys and hope this helps you understand me a little more 💜

EDIT: I wanna add on to the first thought that I’m glad my self esteem has been shattered. I wrote this in between takes while shooting a cover today and I forgot to finish that idea. I’m glad I’ve been shattered because I was building myself on a flimsy foundation. My infrastructure was so shaky and flawed, I was doing okay but I needed to be rebuilt. Those pieces of me that were clinging to other people’s opinions and approval needed to crumble so I could rebuild into a better, stronger version of myself. This is a theme in my life. Every few years, whatever pieces of me start to go in a bad direction are eventually destroyed and then I rebuild into a better version of myself haha
I know.

Can we take a second to talk about the I love you. I know. interchange in Empire?

I get in a lot of arguments with my guy friends about this. Bless them - I mean really - because they think they are being progressive. And its actually kind of heart warming to see. But, usually, the people who think Han is an asshole for saying I know instead of I love you, too chalk his behavior up to some kind of toxic masculinity. Han won’t say he loves her because he refuses to be vulnerable. Han is too arrogant to admit he has a weakness. Han is aggressive. Han is downright cruel at times. 

And… okay. I guess I can see where they’re coming from. But, to me, that is a really shallow interpretation of his character. 

I guess what I, and I think many people who ship Han/Leia, see in that interchange is that Han’s response isn’t motivated by his own feelings. His response has nothing to do with what’s he’s thinking or how he feels. 

It’s about validating how Leia feels. 

Which, honesty, I think she needed more at that moment than a mirrored declaration. 

Leia sacrifices everything for the cause. Her strength to put the rebellion before her personal interest is incredible. It’s her defining characteristic. It’s what we all know and love about her.

It’s also what she knows and loves about herself. By Empire, Leia has lost almost everything of any personal value to her. She’s lost her family. Her home. Her friends. Her position in the Senate. All she has is her own sense of identity. The only thing she can use to define herself anymore is her core values. 

Can you imagine how difficult it would be to let anything compromise that? 

Admitting that she has feelings for Han would be admitting that she has room in her heart for anything other than the cause. It would be admitting that her life is not solely defined by the rebellion that her family died for. It would be admitting that behind her emotionless, rational, militaristic persona is actually just a twenty-two year old girl with feelings, longings, and desires that are entirely selfish. 

Han knows this about her. 

Ultimately, it’s why Leia loves him. Because even Luke, her own twin with whom she shares a connection in the force, at times fails to see her as anything other than the princess. 

But somehow this dirty, cocky, smart ass, nerf herder is the one person who has ever managed to look into her soul and see past every single wall she has built around herself. 

Han knows her. She has never had to tell him anything. She has never had to pour her heart out to him. She has never had to make herself vulnerable in front of him. And yet, he still knows. 

I guess many people see that scene and they see a cocky smart ass being clever and evasive instead of sincere when he says I know

But that’s not what his eyes say. 

His eyes say…

I know you love me. 

I’ve known you love me for a long time. 

It hasn’t scared me away. 

It hasn’t made me think less of you. 

It hasn’t made me see you as weak. 

You’ve screamed at me, hit me, threatened me, insulted me, and done everything to push me away, but I still know that you love me.

And I know you know that I love you, too.

Because it’s taken an invasion of a base, a broken down hyperdrive, a giant cave dwelling slug monster, Boba Fett, a carbonite chamber, and Darth fucking Vader himself to actually make me leave you. 

And I know that you will do everything in your power to bring me back. 

bananannabeth  asked:

hey fee, what's going on?? i havent properly been on tumblr in like a week and a half or read tdp because uni is taking up all my time but i just saw your post and??? omg??? what??? im really sorry and i hope youre okay (i know that sounds shallow but like.. as okay as you can be when people are obviously being idiots)

usually i wouldn’t answer this publicly but like i am genuinely shocked by the vitriol being targeted at lesbians right now and like it’s the most thinly veiled attacks i’ve ever seen, people are barely even bothering to try and disguise what this is really about (read: “shut up you evil dykes we’re sick of listening to you complain about lesbian issues and we want to be left alone”). it’s gone like way beyond the realm of fandom discourse at this point.

an overview of what happened:

  • the dark prophecy was released a few weeks ago (so, spoilers for that, but it’s really not a big spoiler and i kept it quite vague and tbh y’all should probably read this anyway because like i said, it’s gone way beyond the realm of fandom discourse at this point).
  • it contains an older lesbian couple, who had to leave the hunters of artemis because they fell in love and wanted to be together. upon meeting them, one of the characters mentions that they thought it was only men the hunters of artemis swore off of, but the apollo corrects them and says it’s actually all romance.
  • (it’s worth mentioning that apollo says this bitterly. as in: he doesn’t approve or agree. and not for nothing, i might be projecting, but it sounds a lot less like “i’m a god with an overactive sex drive and my sister’s such a PRUDE” and a lot more like “i’m bisexual and i feel uncomfortable with this rule”)
  • this lesbian couple is upset about leaving the hunters. they wouldn’t have done so if they hadn’t had to, they say it was their family, but they had to leave because they loved each other more.
  • apollo mentions that they parted on good terms with artemis, because “she let you live” (good terms, those). the hunters visit them sometimes. artemis does not.
  • so, it is now canon that the hunters of artemis do not condone love between lesbian couples, and lesbian and bi girls who fall in love are no longer welcome in the hunt.
this doesn’t sit well with me, or several other lesbians and bi girls (or apollo, or the lesbian couple themselves, it seems like).
for several reasons:
  • grouping in heterosexual love in the exact same category as lesbian love is homophobic. it’s not a discussion of “equality” but rather an acknowledgement that lesbian love as it exists in the world today is socially taboo and forbidden, and thus banning lesbian love has the potential to do much, much more damage than banning heterosexual love.
  • implying that all romance, and in this case specifically lesbian romance, is against a code of honor, is homophobic. there’s just no way around this. actively being uncomfortable with lesbians in love for no other reason than the fact that they’re in love carries massively homophobic connotations with it. it just does. sneering at all romance doesn’t negate this problem. lesbians can be hurt in ways that straight girls cannot. sneering at their romance is homophobic, because as much as we all might hate it, the world is homophobic and banning lesbian romance absolutely does reinforce this system of homophobia. it does. (this is like, oppression basics, u guys. if u pretend oppression isn’t there, ur siding with the oppressor. “i don’t see differences in sexuality and hate all romance equally” = “i do not acknowledge that some of you need different precautions and protections because you are systematically oppressed in ways that others are not”). we are not all socially equal. we’re not starting on the same playing field. heterosexual love is not a social taboo, lesbian love is, case in point: it hurts lesbians much worse to ban their love than it does straight people. not to mention that it’s triggering for people who have been in spaces that actually did ban lesbianism (hi, me, it wasn’t a fun time, and i don’t appreciate the hunters having any resemblance to my hellish private school experience).
  • artemis is evidently quite hostile towards lesbians..for being lesbians. like, loving women is what makes you a lesbian, and if that bothers her so much that they can’t even be around her and be together…i mean, what can we conclude about her? shunning all love, in this case, specifically lesbian love, and apparently not even having it off the table that she might decide to kill them, is homophobic. it doesn’t work like “oh well she’s uncomfortable with all love in general.” you can’t hide bigotry by widening the radius of people you hate. you will never be able to disguise homophobia by also hating straight people. if anything, that’s even more homophobic, because it lumps us right in under a massive group of “people who fall in love” which…includes straight people, who systematically oppress us. not a fan of being compared to my oppressors. certainly not a fan of being banished alongside them.
  • it’s very important to note that plenty of lesbians feel this is a complete misrepresentation of artemis and the hunt, and are quite upset that someone they identified with apparently hates them. (and she does. artemis wants nothing to do with lesbians who are in love, refuses to allow them to be in love and also in her hunt, gave them an ultimatum between her and each other, would consider murdering them).
  • like, we’re not working off nothing, here. artemis has ABSOLUTELY historically been associated with lesbianism. i’m not pulling this out of my ass, okay. lesbian themes are present in tons of artemis’ myths, her “loving women” is mentioned in virtually everything ever written about her. granted, it’s never specified to be romantic or sexual, but keep in mind the time that these myths were being recorded and who was doing the recording (read: men who thought lesbianism wasn’t real). many hellenic wlw follow artemis today precisely for this reason. separating artemis from lesbianism is Not The Best Move rick’s ever had lmao.
  • the oath specifically says no men in titan’s curse. it absolutely does. if you assumed this also meant no romance at all, that’s on you and your heteronormative thinking, bud. but it reads “I, [name], pledge myself to the goddess Artemis. I turn my back on the company of men, accept eternal maidenhood, and join the hunt.”
  • pledging “eternal maidenhood” means “i’ll be a virgin” in children’s book speak. if you don’t believe me, notice how they refer to athena as a “maiden” goddess, but really mean “she can’t naturally conceive children [because she’s celibate].” they don’t mean “she’s single,” they mean “she doesn’t have sex.” maiden is a nicer term, but it means virgin: [adjective 1. (of a woman, especially an older one) unmarried. synonyms: unmarried, spinster, unwed, unwedded, single, husbandless, celibate.] we’re all familiar with the concept that you’re only allowed to have sex after you’re married to a man, right? well, that’s the assumptions this word was created under. don’t play dumb and try and say maidenhood means being eternally single; we all know what it really means and why the term exists. it doesn’t say wifeless, or even spouseless, it says husbandless. nobody was thinking about lesbians when they defined that word and rick wasn’t thinking about lesbians when he wrote the oath. thus: artemis is a virgin goddess who accepts virgins who pledge a vow of eternal virginity. that makes sense, because atemis is indeed a virgin goddess (literally the goddess of virginity) and some of her worst myths involve her kicking out hunters for “losing their virginity.” that’s got it’s own set of problems.
  • and yes, i am aware that artemis also explains the hunters “foreswear romantic love forever.” yeah, i got it. but she says this sentence in clarification to percy’s question—artemis says they’re immortal unless they break their oath. percy asks what oath. artemis says “to foreswear romantic love forever.” and as i just explained, the oath does not say that. she might’ve specified romantic love, but like, can we not play dumb here? it’s heteronormative. nuns also take a chastity pledge, but do we expect that this applies to gay nuns? no, we really don’t. like, don’t lie and say you were some enlightened ten year old being who read this line and thought “oh, thanks for clarifying artemis, i was wondering about lesbians.”
  • there’s like, an actual reason that artemis and her hunters swear off men: they’re dangerous. when she initially began her hunt, her mission was to rescue girls from being sold off to husbands they didn’t want to marry, or escaping abusive situations with their betrotheds and fathers (zoe nightshade, anyone?). i don’t see….when or why that turned into “all romance is distracting and inherently bad.” it’s not really very sensical. romance and sex were never the evils facing the hunt, it was the patriarchy.
  • in short: the hunt has become a hot fucking mess and lesbians (and bi girls but seeing as we’re specifically talking within the context of lesbian love it’s really implied that anyone who has the potential to experience that is part of the discussion) are upset. rick deserves a certain amount of blame for this.

now, see, the problem here that people can’t seem to get through their heads is that we’ve got a right to be upset about this. we are allowed to be upset about confronting homophobia in a character most of us liked and identified with.

  • and us complaining about that, explaining it, and pointing it out is…not “starting discourse”, however much you may think we’re crazy sjw dykes. i’m really not here in general for how any time someone is critical of a piece of media for valid reasons they’re immediately starting “wank” and “discourse.” it’s a misuse of the terms. discourse doesn’t mean “people have an opinion on why their marginalized group was represented badly” and wank doesn’t mean “we think this is homophobic” and you calling it that is a pathetic excuse to ignore what we’re saying. which is not to mention how incredibly transparent it is—discourse goes on in this fandom all the time. literally all the time. i’ve never seen anyone complain half as much about “fandom discourse” before as i have this past week.
  • and then there’s people derailing the conversation by making it about aroace erasure. first of all, it’s possible to like, talk about multiple things at the same time and there’s no reason why us discussing lesbians should have any bearing on aroace representation. second of all…. the hunters are like, not… technically even aroace? taking a vow of chastity and swearing off men is now equivalent to being aroace? does nobody see a problem with that? i’m stunned that people weren’t angry about that, to be honest, since it’s not exactly Controversial or New to say that asexuality does not equal celibacy and aromanticism does not equal an… eternal no romance pledge or whatever the fuck the oath even means anymore. like, cool, i understand you might be more inclined to take the oath if you didn’t experience sexual or romantic attraction, but that’s still a far cry from saying all of the hunters are aro and ace (and that’s. clearly not true. because some of them break their oaths. or join because they’ve been scorned by men they’ve fallen in love with).
  • which like, not to mention that they’re pretty hideous representation for you in general if they literally kill people who wind up falling in love? like, that’s your holy grail of representation? “you must have parted on good terms, she let you live” like okayyyy so you mean artemis’ typical course of action in dealing with girls who fall in love is to murder them? the fuck is wrong with yall 
  • people are actually offering this up as a benchmark for why artemis isn’t homophobic. she murders hunters who fall in love with men, but she let the lesbians live. like. this is the benchmark for lesbian allyship now, apparently. holy hell, people.
  • but sure, yeah, artemis, aroace patron goddess, who murders hunters that fall in love and refuses to offer protection to lesbians because they also fall in love, and calls love a “distraction” and thus pretends she’s the Enlightened One who isn’t sullied by romance. good one, guys. if that’s what you’re celebrating, and furthermore, if that’s the representation i’m “erasing” by talking about lesphobic issues, not only are you homophobic but like you’re just a plain old misogynist lmao. i don’t condone literally killing girls for falling in love and i certainly fucking thought it would go without saying that you people don’t condone that either, but apparently not! fucking hell.
  • which, anyway, even working under the assumption that it was good aroace representation, to accuse lesbians of erasure for being critical of how lesbianism is portrayed in a book? as if we were the ones who decided to include an ex-hunters lesbian couple? but we’re the ones who are guilty of the erasure for..what..talking about it? being angry? saying it’s homophobic? being upset that lesbians aren’t allowed in the hunt?
  • like, look, if artemis was presented in canon as someone who doesn’t experience attraction and started a convent for other girls who don’t, well that would be different, wouldn’t it? but she’s not presented that way. she’s apparently the patron to all women, so long as they don’t date men. zoe nightshade says she’ll accept anyone who takes the oath, no matter their species, and definitely regardless of their sexuality as well (because at the very least, zoe, the literal lieutenant, most definitely had other reasons for joining than being aroace, as did thalia, the current lieutenant, and emmie and jo are obviously not aroace yet still took the oath once, and annabeth even thought about taking the oath). it’s not, and never has been, about lack of romantic attraction. it’s about eternally swearing off all romance and banning love because love is bad.
  • i guess we all should’ve known this considering silena is all up in arms about the hunters telling her “love is worthless” in ttc, but damn call me stupid for daring to hope that as rick began to confront the rampant heteronormativity in his books we might have this patched up, too.
  • pro tip for like literally anything ever: if a marginalized group speaks up and says “hey that’s hurting us” you change your goddamn rules so it’s not anymore. like, for fucks sake, think about this in literally any other context but “lesbians are infiltrating artemis’ precious aroace safe space with their romance” and you’ll realize what condescending, homophobic fucks y’all are behaving like right now.
  • on another note: i have expressly explained this before, many times (there’s a link to one of them earlier in this post, and here’s another one), but it apparently bears repeating because nobody seems to understand: virginity is bullshit. it’s bullshit. it’s oppressive, invasive, creepy, misogynistic bullshit. will you stop pulling out this tired old argument that lesbians being allowed in the hunt somehow makes them invalidated? the idea that romance is distracting is stupid and ridiculous and condescending as fuck. the idea that your sexual history is anybody’s business but your own is disgusting. there’s no reason lesbians shouldn’t be able to be together in the hunters. there’s really not. there is a reason men are not allowed, and the reason is it’s a women’s space, to literally protect women from men.
  • this new information about the hunters cheapens the whole goddamn thing. like aside from being homophobic, it’s just plain sexist, now, too—we don’t swear off men because we’re making a statement about our lives in relation to the patriarchy, oh no!! we’re making a statement against romance. romance is bad. that’s the problem. who cares about protecting women from men? certainly not us, because we’ll kill you if you get abused by them! better keep your v card honey, or i’ll turn you into a bear!
  • and that brings me to the whole other subset of people trying to derail the conversation by making it about..rick hate? lol what? that rick is our ally and we should be grateful and he’s not perfect and he’s learning??? yeah, okay, i’m sure the answer to this is for all of us to just never talk about it at all? we’re not allowed to critique our own goddamn representation? how the fuck is he supposed to learn if you just try and smother everyone who tries to critique him by saying “HE’S A GOOD ALLY WHO IS STILL LEARNING!” like…cool? and i’m teaching him that i don’t approve of any of this, and i think it was a really underhanded way to represent us, not to mention still has gaping flaws in it?
  • like, yeah, whatever, i get it, artemis has her hideous flaws in greek myths as well. poseidon’s a rapist, hades’ is an abusive stalker, zeus is a megalomaniac serial rapist, but it’s not as though those were the characters rick chose to make look this bad, now was it? nope, it was artemis. he didn’t have to do that.
  • and even if he did, honestly, at the end of the day…who cares? it doesn’t matter who first created artemis this way. the fact of the matter is that in the series, she is, and that’s homophobic. it doesn’t negate the fact that we’re reeling from encountering homophobia from the hunters. it certainly doesn’t give anyone a license to tell us to shut up and get over it and stop talking and stop blaming rick. it’s homophobic. we’re allowed to talk about it, and be upset about it. let us fucking be.
  • of course the most hilarious thing is that this wouldn’t have even turned into “discourse” in the first place if y’all had just shut your fucking mouths and listened to us. instead, you started arguing, spreading around passive aggressive posts calling us too angry and telling us to chill out, sent us anon hate, blocked us, unfollowed us, and started complaining about all the other things i listed that are just fundamentally missing the point.
Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Lay their head against your collar bone and know that they are safe. You are the center, you will hold.

Taurus: Wisdom is more important than knowledge. Ask yourself, do you really know what wisdom is?

Gemini: She has something evil and boneless hiding down her throat. Don’t worry, we all do.

Cancer: Shes not wearing pants to distract you. 

Leo: Even if you’re shit at it, if you don’t cook you don’t eat.

Virgo: But if you define yourself by them, and they define themselves by you, then who is flying the plane!?

Libra: Frustration always leads to regret. Apologize, and offer to un-burn their house.

Scorpio: You can’t distract yourself forever. Not many people would have taken that as a challenge.

Sagittarius: Fear not, there is pulled pork aplenty for those with the courage to seek it.

Capricorn: Know your own immaturity. Rush nothing. Also identity theft is illegal.

Aquarius: Don’t let others choose your friends for you. How else are you going to build that harem?

Pisces: If your friends lit themselves on fire to keep you warm you would tell them to stop wouldn’t you? Keep a bucket nearby.

The “asexuals do not belong in LGBT+ spaces” position, tends to overlook what LGBT+ spaces actually physically look like, what they provide for the community, and why they’re often – in reality –  inclusive to a great number of people. 

The importance of inclusive spaces is perhaps more visible in smaller cities and towns, especially in schools, community centers, and colleges within those smaller cities and towns where the visible LGBT+ population is lower. 

We (asexuals) are often asked to “create our own spaces.” However, this is challenging. We’re small in number. We’re physically distanced from one another. We’re not always well equipped to build a thriving community. 

…and these are challenges faced by LGBT+ people within smaller areas. So, pooling resources and joining several smaller communities together into one larger one is a wise choice. It makes the community stronger. 

You have more people to create educational materials. You have more people to contribute to food banks and shelters. You have more people to run fundraisers and awareness campaigns. You have more people to join group meetings. 

You have more people to provide social emotional supports. You build more connections with local business and service providers. You can disseminate research materials and historical resources easier. 

It just makes sense, and that’s generally what I’ve seen from local LGBT+ spaces such as community centers, school clubs, youth centers, faith organizations, and so on. They serve people based on their need. 

If the need is there, they provide. Obviously, some asexual people are in need of resources. LGBT+ organizations who are well equipped to provide resources have chosen to do so for asexual people in need. 

Furthermore, asexual people aren’t taking what they don’t need and denying resources to other people in the LGBT+ community. Asexual people have been involved in supporting LGBT+ spaces. 

Now, this does not mean that spaces that are exclusive to specific groups are not necessary. They absolutely are necessary, because people should have the opportunity to speak on and prioritize their issues with people just like them. 

It’s also critical to know when and when not to speak on certain issues, which is always going to be a critical issue in community spaces regardless of who is actually included and who is not included. 

There are going to be issues that impact one community, that do not impact another. There are going to be overlapping issues as well. The point of a community space though is to come to a common understanding. 

The point is to support one another and provide for those who are in need, in the face of a cis/heterosexist ideology which has had a huge negative impact on many different identities. 

The point is not to further define what is considered an acceptable sexual or gender identity, and the degree to which you must suffer in order to truly deserve help from a community. That’s not the point at all.

I would love to have a thriving asexual community where we could build up our resources and support one another, but we don’t really have that right now due to various physical limitations and ongoing internal/external conflicts.  

There’s no shame or harm in using resources and to exist in spaces that LGBT+ people have welcomed us to use and be a part of. It’s reasonable to do when you’re the only asexual person in your town you know and you need help. 

So, villainizing asexual people for using resources and being a part of a community they have been invited to be a part of doesn’t make sense and it doesn’t consider the realities of LGBT+ organizations. 

you said. if it is meant to be. fate will bring us back together. for a second i wonder if you are really that naive. if you really believe fate works like that. as if it lives in the sky staring down at us. as if it has five fingers and spends time placing us like pieces of chess. as if it is not the choices we make. who taught you that. tell me. who convinced you. you’ve been given a heart and a mind that isn’t yours to use. that your actions do not define what will become of you. i want to scream and shout it’s us you fool. we’re the only ones that can bring us back together. but instead i sit quietly. smiling softly through quivering lips thinking. isn’t it such a tragic thing. when you can see it so clearly but the other person doesn’t.
—  Rupi Kaur, Buch: Milk and Honey

anonymous asked:

Hello! I've been following you guys since I was a teenager (when you guys also would have been teenagers!) and I remember you wrote a post once on whether you were sure the animation industry is what God really had in mind for you, or something like that. Well, I suppose I'm going through the same thought process now. The industry seems like an impenetrable fortress at the moment. What I want to know is, what's it really like on the other side? Are you happy?

We’re so sorry this took forever to answer! We’ve been so busy that we haven’t had the energy to write an answer for those more thought provoking messages.

You’re right! There was a post or two with those concerns in mind. Don’t know where it is now, but it’s somewhere in the archives.

Any Christian who knows how important it is to walk with Christ also knows the importance of being the best you can be for Him and others; to truly show His love and compassion. But the question always seems to be for the Christian , “Is this where He wants me to be? What area of work would best be fit for my growth as a Christian?”  There’s this mentality that the entertainment industry is not exactly the first place a Christian should be offering their skills to. They should be in the Church, or going on Missions or other jobs that appear to be a more hands on effort for reaching the message of Christ and “using our abilities for Him”. Sure, it’s encouraged, but God would just be counter productive if he only used His children to be confined to areas of the Church . God will find the most resourceful way to use you for His Glory because He is a creative God who will NOT limit the use of our abilities. Sometimes that means going into the belly of the beast. Give it some time and lots of prayer. The thing is, you never know where you’re going to end up, but when you know you’re in the right place, you will have peace about it!

It’s no hidden secret that the majority of people who work in the entertainment industry are not very keen on Christians in particular, despite it containing people who claim to be accepting of people who have different in beliefs. We know we’ve had a few experiences where people would send us rude comments, messages, or just go out of their way to ignore us simply because we have God in our profile. And this has happened with a few people in animation as well. We haven’t even actively said anything thing to anyone except put a three latter name in our bio. And it usually never fails that we lose followers on social media even after some kind of post that mentions anything in the slightest bit about God. Not to say that people on the other end haven’t experienced negativity from Christians who were un-Christ like in their execution of their differing beliefs either, but more or less, we are very few in this industry. And if there are more Christians actively working in the industry, sometimes they don’t want to risk their career and connections because of their belief, so they keep God more under wraps.  

So what is it like? It’s been fine, but sometimes it feels lonely. But we have met a few that we can comfortably have conversations with regarding God. But we have also come to know and care about those who don’t know God, and have become what we would consider our friends. We can just simply show our love and pray for them that they may find God. Use your abilities that will be portrayed positively. It doesn’t have to be that you need to be drawing pictures of Jesus or walk around with a Bible in tow everywhere you go. But your actions and sometimes your answers to certain situations can really be a defining trait that people will make the connection with if people know about your faith in God.  We believe God is leading us somewhere. And He is leading you somewhere too. This is just one pit-stop to another destination in our life. He has the master plan. And it’s not always easy, but God will be there to guide you in your steps and lead you where He knows it’s best for you. Trust us, we did a lot of praying too and had doubts as well.

As for being happy? Well, we’re doing pretty okay! Happy is kind of a broad term for  something that seems like we need to experience 24/7. Because like any human, we’re not always happy. We have our rough days, days of doubt, anxiety, sadness, frustration, confusion, etc. But we can have Joy and seek Peace knowing the God is with us and that we can rely on Him .


One of our favorite verses because in times of uncertainty, there is Hope. We just need to trust. 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (New King James version)

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

anonymous asked:

Pastel!Dan and punk!Phil please? Maybe Dan introducing Phil to his parents and being like "We put up with your clothes but not this!" Just some homophobic parents and some really sweet Phil.

Title: Work In Progress

Summary: pastel!Dan is dating punk!Phil and finally comes out to his parents, but they aren’t exactly supportive, but Phil is there to comfort Dan.

Pairing: phan

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1,638

Trigger Warnings: homophobia

-

Keep reading

Hellsing & Vulnerability: Alt. How Sad is Alucard?

Gentlemen… I am a nerd.

Case in point: during my lunch breaks, instead of surfing Facebook—something I save for the comfort of my couch—I am on the TED talks website. Nothing makes my day like learning something new; I would take infinite college courses if they didn’t cost a dime, no matter how stressful the workload would be. Give me a lecture on anthropology or ancient history and I am happy as a lark.

Recently, my lunchtime lecture was given by self-proclaimed researcher-storyteller Brené Brown. It was entitled “The Power of Vulnerability”, and I highly recommend you view it [link here], if you’re interested in human nature like I am. Anyway, so I’m sitting there, half-reclined with the door to my classroom locked and fully engrossed in both the video and the sandwich in my hand, when it hits me. I’ve heard of inspiration washing over people like a wave, but when I get it, it’s like an arrow straight to my brain: sudden, unexpected, and I can’t think of much else afterwards.  

My brain sent a single thought through my head, one that made me stop chewing and run it through two or three times to make sure I’d heard it right: Alucard’s greatest fear is vulnerability.

Emotionally, that is.

Well, wait, I countered myself, taking another bite of my sandwich. Who isn’t afraid of vulnerability? It’s sort of a given: we don’t want to let anyone else—who can do harm—into the deepest, most secretive part of our souls. But then, as I thought more, I realized that although we as humans try to hide it, vulnerability also has a little habit of sneaking through.

Humans, as a species, are amazing. My favorite thing to learn about is universal experience. For example, all nations seem to have the odd occurrence where a child’s father tells corny jokes that often fall flat, but are funny because they fall flat. But dad jokes aside, universal experience bleeds into vulnerability like pink on a white dress. You don’t have to know someone’s language to know that they’re smiling because they’re happy, or covering their eyes and cowering because they’re afraid. Body language, facial expression, the look in their eyes—it all goes without saying, no matter who you are or where you’re from. Isn’t that amazing???!

(Clears throat) Since I was supposed to be talking about Hellsing, I’ll use an example from the manga/OVA. Also—do I even have to mention spoilers at this point? It should be assumed, but even so: spoilers!

The scene I’m thinking about is not Alucard, but rather his master. When Walter shows up on the streets of London, dressed in conveniently found leather and sporting some impressive age reducing cream, everyone is astounded. Seras gasps dramatically, Alucard smiles like he always does, the Iscariots go “No, no, don’t step there!” collectively. But what always got me was Integra’s reaction. Not immediately, though she does kind of waste her nicotine on the bloody ground, but afterwards, when Alucard asks her what he’s supposed to do—kind of. That one page became one of my absolute favorites in the manga, and it’s an excellent jumping point for our talk about vulnerability.

See, Hirano didn’t have to say “Oh, she’s super sad. That was her butler and kind of her second dad and now he’s thrown their relationship away to fight another dick also dressed up in leather”. He didn’t need to say it. She says it all without a word in edgewise about it: clenched fists, watery eyes, a tightness in her stance that suggests fighting back tears… she’s in despair. When you see a panel like this, it’s all too easy to remember that she’s a young 20+ woman who just lost the last person she could theoretically call family.

Heartbreaking, but what’s my point? Think about it. She was in the middle of a war, her house is on fire, vampires are trying to bite her, she was unofficially kidnapped and held hostage by a bunch of weirdos working for the Vatican, and she remains calm and cool. Her breaking point only comes when something cuts her to the core, something that she can’t deal with without instantly having to fight against the tears that would show everyone—enemies included— “hey, I’m hurting emotionally, I really need comfort and reassurance.”  

POINT #1: Vulnerability shows when a person feels a pain so great that it strikes a chord within their soul. Remember it, bookmark it: it’ll come back up later.

Another big thing, that I didn’t really think about until Mrs. Brown touched on it, was that the only people who don’t feel shame are the ones who lack the ability to connect empathetically with others. Now, I know you just read that and thought “Wait, weren’t we talking about vulnerability?”, but trust me on this. It’s just another point I’m making.

Now, let me ask you this: What is the defining term between the words psychopath and sociopath? Most people put them on the same lines, but there’s a major, major difference. That term is conscience. Psychopaths lack a conscience. They feel no sense of right or wrong about what they do. They can’t connect with others. Sociopaths, according to experts, have a weak conscience. They feel guilt or remorse, but it’s not strong enough to guide their hand like it might be in the average person’s mind.  

Now, Mrs. Brown found in her research that the underlying cause for shame, for people saying ‘I’m not ___ enough, I don’t deserve love or happiness” is excruciating vulnerability. The people who were ashamed of themselves were also afraid to let their inner selves show to the world. And the only people who don’t feel shame are psychopaths, who lack empathetical connections with others.

Point #2: Sociopaths can feel shame; therefore, they can feel vulnerable. You can probably see where I’m going at this point, right?

Last point: Mrs. Brown, in her findings, talked about something called “numbing vulnerability”. She talked about how humans will try to numb the emotions that they don’t like or agree with, the ones that cause them pain or go against what they consider their morality. Think of monks and nuns giving up pleasures for devotion, that sort of thing. But humans can’t just numb things that make them suffer. When they do, it starts numbing other things, too. You can get rid of shame, of guilt, disappointment, but at what cost? Joy, gratitude, happiness.

POINT #3: Those who chose to fight against vulnerability, become miserable.

Think of the London Blitz, or as I call it: manga catharsis. Everyone—Iscariot, Hellsing, Millennium: they all blew up, shot a man or two, got their emotions out, and if they lived they went on with their lives. SAY THAT I’M WRONG. Out of all the people that could have cried their eyes out there, which one of them did? (looks at camera like the office) Which one of them had a complete screaming, crying meltdown and showed a surprising amount of true vulnerability to a dying man as well as like, fifty other people who were just kind of hanging back and watching it all play out?

It wasn’t Seras, I’ll tell you that much. T_T;

Let’s take our three main points and apply them to the 600-year-old… uh… guy.

Point 1: Why did he have that fit in the first place? Catharsis, I tell you! Anyway, he was angry at Anderson for becoming a… plant thing dude. Ugly. He was mad at Anderson for turning ugly. (coughs) But if we take that point into thought, Anderson’s ugliness—okay, the nail loophole—cut him so deeply that it struck a chord within him, and he couldn’t help but rant and rave against what had happened. And, we can assume that unlike Integra, it went so deeply that he couldn’t stop the tears in time. Why? Because—and this is a bit of conjecture, but I think I can safely say—what Anderson did hit on a source of deep shame for Alucard, shame that he hadn’t been strong enough, brave enough, whatever enough to stay a human and instead became a vampire.

Summation: Alucard has the ability to feel emotions, and these can be forceful enough to provoke a reaction from him.

Point 2: Alucard is, I believe, a sociopath. Prevalent more in the manga, and subtle in the anime/OVA, he does appear to have the ability to connect with others. In the manga, he’s seen joking around with Walter, teaming up with Seras to tease Integra, getting along with Pip in a business-like way, and you can even go so far to say that he has an—albeit unhealthy—connection with both Anderson and the Major. Of course, it’s sometimes possible for people to fake these connections, but I don’t think that’s the case BECAUSE of his breakdown in London.

As stated earlier, to feel shame and vulnerability, to be burdened with emotional pain, is a sign of someone who has morality and can form relationships. Now, that’s not saying he’s a good guy—not at all. As a sociopath, any emotion he feels that gets in the way of his ultimate goal is easily ignored. He might feel guilt, shame, pain, or remorse for his actions, but he simply chooses to do it anyway and probably doesn’t bother to consider it more than a minute or two.

Another example is his and Seras’s little spat in the hotel room. She argues that the people he killed are humans, innocent of anything other than following orders. He shouts at her, yanking her up by the collar and yelling in her face. Then, when she starts to cry, he puts her back down and is more subdued. Now, there’s two ways I look at this: firstly, his expression when he sees her tears. He looks, in the OVA at least, almost shocked that she’s crying, and then seems to rethink his actions. Now, he wasn’t rethinking the killing, per say, but instead he felt something about making her cry. This leads back into the ability to make connections. He felt—bad?—about her tears, so he promptly stopped the offending action and reformed his behavior to something more acceptable: a quieter tone, placing her back on the floor, backing away to give her space. A psychopath wouldn’t care that he’d made her cry, having no emotional connection to her. But Alucard cared enough to stop the behavior, which means that he cared enough about her to at least think “I should not be doing this to this person. Let’s stop and do something else.”

Summation: Per the clinical definition of a sociopath, Alucard has the ability to both make meaningful connections with others. Whether he makes those connections or not is up to him.

Point 3: Throughout the manga/OVA, a close observer can see Alucard fighting against himself—and his emotions. When he dreams about his demise at the hands of van Helsing, he cries in his sleep. However, upon waking he is apathetic about the experience, dismissing it as “a dream; it was nothing”. He feels disgust and anger when a guard kills himself, rather than let Alucard rip him apart while alive. He speaks out against monsters “like me[himself]”, pleading with Anderson to stay human even if it costs him his life. He demeans himself at different times, often in soliloquy or as an undertone to a sentence.

This provokes the question: Does Alucard consider himself worthy of happiness? The answer is probably no, he does not. He shows himself to be very self-critical of his past choices, although he accepts all of them for what they are. However, instead of learning from his past and starting over a new leaf, he remains on the same path of death and destruction. One can assume that he might feel trapped by his own actions, unable to rise up and overcome to begin life anew. This might be why he waits for someone to kill him—a punishment that would, ultimately, free him. This would be a miserable, endless existence, one of self-loathing and an eternal feeling that he is, and always will be, beyond any sort of redemption.

Summation: Alucard’s shame and constant fighting against his own emotions has caused him to turn bitter against the world, as his existence is a cold, bleak realm of misery.

Now for the (deep, echoing voice)

 REALM OF OPINIONS:

If all of the above is true, and can be said about Alucard, here is what I think. Alucard would view his vulnerability as something weak and useless, to be despised and ignored for as long as possible. In short, I think that he would consider vulnerability to be something wholly

human

, and that as a monster he has neither need nor inclination for exposing that side to others. As a human, he was taken at a young age and abused, which set the foundations for what would have otherwise been a happy, healthy adulthood. Surely as a prisoner of the sultan, any weakness would have been mortifying to show to his captors. Even now, as a servant to the Hellsing Organization and British Empire, he would feel it better to hide any emotion that he truly felt behind a mask, so that they could have no ammunition to use against him if the time arose. This does not, however, stop him from at the very least forming a social bond with a few select people, even if they remain outside the field of acquaintances. It is shown through the manga, anime, and OVA that although he walks with both feet in the lawless side of existence, he has the ability to be polite, civilized, work with others, be a teacher, understand the implications of his actions, tease others, even laugh and cry. Despite hating the human part of himself, it is still a core element of his being. I leave you now with questions and thoughts: you are more than welcome to continue the discussion in the comments, PM me, reblog, etc. In fact, if you liked this read, please reblog it so that others can see as well! If Alucard can feel vulnerable, what other situations might he willingly/unwillingly show it? Men are automatically expected by society to be more aloof and emotionless than women, though it is not the case in the slightest. How might this also play a factor in Alucard’s psyche? Is this another part of the reason he loathes himself?If he were ever willing to step back and take a look at himself, or even go to therapy, how would that affect his behavior? As a sociopath, would he make a willing change, or would therapy only further complicate things?


I also want to do a talk that’s more about my fanfiction side of things, which will be coming up VERY soon. I hope you enjoyed! Please let me know what you think! I leave you now, with a quote from the TED Talk that Mrs. Brown gave, that I think sums it up nicely.


But there’s another way, and I’ll leave you with this. This is what I have found: To let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen … to love with our whole hearts, even though there’s no guarantee — and that’s really hard, and I can tell you as a parent, that’s excruciatingly difficult — to practice gratitude and joy in those moments of terror, when we’re wondering, “Can I love you this much? Can I believe in this this passionately? Can I be this fierce about this?” just to be able to stop and, instead of catastrophizing what might happen, to say, “I’m just so grateful, because to feel this vulnerable means I’m alive." 

PLL 7x17 Driving Miss Crazy - Thoughts

- LOVED the episode. Entertaining from start to finish! Look, we all knew that “answers every week” is bullshit. I say this every week, but we’ve waited so many years, so we can wait 3 more weeks. So let’s just set aside the fact that we get no answers and just appreciate the fast pace and lack of fillers. I’m glad that the build up to the almighty answers-episode is fun. Season 7 really is the best season to date in my opinion.

- This episode should’ve been called Mona Mania, instead of that season 3 episode! She owned this episode. I won’t even list everything she did that justifies her walking around town with a crown on her head. You know all the reasons. Just every Mona scene was so damn entertaining.

- NO ALI!!! Instant success!!! It felt like a good old season 4 episode. I say this a lot but Ali still feels like the outsider to the group. The dynamics just work better with Spencer, Hanna, Aria and Emily. I love those 4 together. Ali still doesn’t fit in the group, in my eyes. I might feel like that because we had 4 whole seasons with just the 4 of them so I’m too used to it and I never adapted to the change properly when she came back in 5A. No hate on Sasha, but I’m just not a fan of Ali’s character, I’ve always thought they ruined her once she came back from the dead. This episode just had great vibes without her, just like 713.

- Hastings drama was on point. Nolan is doing an amazing job playing Peter.

- We did it! Another thing this Tumblr community guessed right: Aria was filing a police report against Ezra during the time she found out he was writing a book. It’s a shame they’re not going further and doing the abortion story, but I still like this.

- MARY!! Welcome back. I actually feel sorry for her. I think she’s the most misunderstood character ever in PLL history.

- I did really enjoy the plot twist that Peter and Jessica were planning to kill Mary but she intercepted and killed Jessica. Self defence. I never saw that coming. It doesn’t change the final outcome that Mary killed Jessica, but it’s a nice additional layer to the overall story to show just how complex this mystery is. I appreciated and enjoyed that unnecessary layer. 

- Ezra pisses me off SO MUCH. He’s so blind. He’s so stupid. Just like last week, he thinks everything is about him. “You still don’t trust me because I wrote a book?” UMMMM NO???? Two weeks ago (PLL timeline) Hanna was abducted and EVERYONE, including Ezra, got a message from someone named AD, and the twin of a dead woman rocked up in town. Why has Ezra forgotten all of this??? Does he think AD just packed up and went home?? Does he think Hanna’s abduction was just a prank gone wrong and that all the messages about ‘find Hanna before it’s too late’ was just for fun? He saw ‘Hanna’ hanging from ropes in the bell tower, and he thinks the thing bothering Aria is trust issues from 6 years ago? Open your eyes Ezra. Someone is messing with your fiancé again. Not everything is about you.

- On a positive note I did appreciate his comments about regret with the book situation. I know that was very sincere. But get a hold of reality. Aria’s change of mood is not about you, ffs. 

- Did that shirt from Radley belong to Spencer’s twin? Idk, just something to think about.

- The fact that AD is trying to break apart the Hastings house feels like AD has a vendetta against the Hastings. Perhaps, Twincer is angry they adopted Spencer but not herself? Revenge?

- Spencer’s numberplate was CHD. I know we shouldn’t be looking into this stuff because not once have these had meaning, but, I couldn’t help but think back to Charles DiLaurentis.

- Thank god the musical number was short. I mean, I enjoyed it, and Janel can sing, but it did feel a bit random and out of nowhere. Perhaps that’s because I was so immersed in the episode and enjoying it so much, that when that came on, the pace was ruined out of nowhere. But judging it for what it is, standalone, it was cool! I don’t understand Lucy’s comments that all the girls were in it? Were they, and I just didn’t see them? haha

- I’m surprised Spencer hasn’t pieced together that Aria is doing this. The earring… bringing dinner then leaving? I don’t know about you guys but not once in my entire life have I driven to my friends house to drop off dinner for them and then leave? That’s just weird. Some might say it’s a polite gesture… and it is, but it’s weirdly polite. No one does that?? “Hey I brought you dinner! Ok I’m going now!” wtf?

- Can Marco just arrest them already!? They’re dwindling on this story for too long. Too much talking, not enough action.

- The episode felt incomplete. I don’t like how they’re dragging on a few storylines into the next episode, such as Aria’s reward (we know it was her files… but I wanted to actually read them in detail) and the doctor’s ID. Those storylines were the stories of THIS episode. Episode 17 was about THOSE things - they should’ve got total resolution, to define the episode and say “episode 17 revolved around these things”. I was just waiting for them to say Wren’s name (in regards to the doctor who did the procedure). And it never came. This episode should’ve had just one more reveal of sorts. And I don’t like that they didn’t just reveal things then and there. Oh and also the puzzle pieces… I thought with 2 more pieces, we’d get a better idea of what the pieces are forming. But no. So that was a tiny bit disappointing, that Aria did all that work and she/we still didn’t really get much out of it.

- That ending confirmed for me that Mona is not AD. It’s too obvious. I know CeCe was obvious because they literally showed her in a hoodie… but this is different. This is too close to the finale. I don’t believe Mona is AD. Instead, Mona wants to win the liars’ trust back so she’s working to solve the game, rather than administer the game to them. Also she is saving their assess by taking the shovels/potential evidence - it’s good not bad. Unfortunately this all comes back to Mona dying in the finale. She’ll get way too close to AD’s identity, and then AD will kill her. Thankfully, the girls will pickup where Mona left off and end it themselves. Then, they’ll realise they couldn’t have done it without Mona. So sad, but it’s a great story arc especially for a series finale.

- Caleb’s talk about Hanna to Ashley was adorable. That was a really well done scene. I loved their tent scene with the rings and Hanna bringing the bottle because she anticipated Caleb would say “yes I meant those words”. We all know the writers chose a tent because that’s where they spent their first night - I like that attention to detail. Terrible song choice… oh my gosh. Why not just use the same song as 1x19 (I think that was the episode?) Nostalgia always sells.

- Overall, my second favourite episode this season! 8.5/10. I really did like it. Again, I’ve gotten over the fact that we don’t get answers every episode. It was a lie, yes, but I’m not going to sit here and whinge when the answers are just 3 weeks away anyway. I’m just taking the episodes for what they are, disregarding all comments from writers, and I’m loving the ride. Fast paced, good writing, amazing mystery/story. Decent romance too - coming from someone who only watches for mystery, they’re doing well. I honestly would’ve rated this a 10/10 episode if they just went that extra mile and revealed the doctor’s name (Wren), showed us Aria’s reward properly AND give us insight into what the puzzle pieces are forming. The episode felt incomplete that they started stories this episode and never resolved them completely. But nonetheless, it was amazing. No Ali definitely contributed to that ;) 8.5 might seem high for an episode with no answers, but I was entertained from start to finish, no fillers, decent romance, really good mystery… can’t say much bad other than it feeling incomplete. This was an episode of PLL doing what it does best. IF ONLY THEY JUST GAVE A LITTLE BIT MORE IN THE FINAL MINUTES.

EDIT: SORRY I MEAN DONOR - NOT DOCTOR. It’s 2.30am right now, and I just finished watching the episode. I was going to watch it in the morning but I stayed up to get this post out - I always get messages asking when my thoughts post will be up!

7 Thoughts On Singleness: Is Something Wrong With Me?

Anonymous asked:

I’m 27 years old and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’ve only dated once but that didn’t go so well. I’ve prayed and I’ve prayed and I’ve asked God for my significant other but honestly sometimes I feel as if God doesn’t hear me. Which then causes my heart turmoil especially when I see other girls getting married and dating all the time. It just makes me feel like there is something wrong with me or I maybe I’m unworthy of someone else. I just really need some peace in this area or my life.

 

Hey dear sister, I know this is an especially painful season for you right now, but please allow me the grace to share a few thoughts with you.

 

1) Singleness is not a season of waiting.

I’ve said this before, but: You’re not waiting for a man.  A man is not the focal point of anything.  Jesus is the focal point of everything.

A Western culture indoctrinated in romanticism would lead us to believe that “singles” are simply biding their time, waiting for some significant other to save us from the throes of loneliness.  And I know that the latest pop song or chick flick or young adult novel has awakened some weird feelings in you, and it would even be nice to have someone. 

But relationships are hard work, celibacy is hard work, and life is hard work.  There’s really no such thing as waiting for a spouse: your life has launched into being, and there’s work to do.  If God is your priority, then a man who comes along who can even catch up to you would be dang lucky to have you. 

 

2) Singleness doesn’t define your value, ever.

What exactly is “singleness”?  I wish we would stop defining things by the absence of something else.  Being single doesn’t mean you’re somehow “incomplete” until someone else completes you.  Let’s pause to consider that even the idea of singleness is false at its best, and oppression at its worst.

In the first century, Apostle Paul wrote 1 Corinthians 7 specifically to address single people.  To paraphrase, he said, “If you want to get married, good.  If you want to stay single, good, and it could be better.” To you, this might sound ordinary.  But at the time, it was a loaded bombshell. This was actually an entirely revolutionary view of sexuality that had been previously unheard of.

During Paul’s life, the Emperor of the Roman Empire was actually charging a fee for the unmarried because it was considered bad for the economy and the family (never mind that Caesar was already bad for both).  Being married with a family was considered the gold status of society, and a single person could only have been a widow or prostitute; there was no middle ground.

So Paul comes along, and moved by the Spirit of God, completely wrecked the whole idea of family and marriage and singles.  He legitimized singleness as an absolutely acceptable life-choice, but more than that, said it can often be better for carrying out God’s mission on earth (1 Cor. 7:29-35).  Paul himself was single, which itself would’ve been quite a scandal.

 

3) Please don’t allow singleness to rush you into being not-single.

Take as long as it takes.  In the same passage (1 Cor. 7), Paul is urging us to not rush into relationships.  Not only is rushing this unwise because we could shortcut God’s growth in our lives, but we could end up getting into a string of bad relationships or making other poor judgment calls when we’re clouded by the impatience to be with someone. Again, relationships are hard work.  Pursuing anything goes beyond our idealistic hologram picture into a gritty, sweaty, pulsing reality that requires our everything.

God might or might not send someone to you tomorrow: but so long as you’re pursuing God, you might hardly notice.  That’s a good thing.  Find Christ, you find yourself, and maybe you’ll find someone else.

 

4) Your season of un-attached life, or the “gift of singleness,” is a unique season like no other.

There is a very particular way that God works through us when we’re not married or attached somehow, and it’s downright impossible for God to do those things any other way.  I’m not trying to diminish one status or the other, but there are pros and cons to both which cannot overlap.  I’m about to be married soon, but my married friend tells me the other day, “Use your remaining time wisely.  Have a lot of solitude.  Take long drives.  Read as much as you can.  Once you’re married, that’s it.  It’s good, but so is your time right now.”

 

5) It might simply be that others are intimidated by you.

It could just be that your godliness is thinning out the dating pool. That’s a good thing, too.

When I was single and I went after the lady who is my fiance now, I have to tell you that I was totally intimidated by her.  She was godly, she was a strong career woman, and she didn’t flirt back easily.  Compared to her, I was a scrub, and I knew I couldn’t really pursue her unless I got it together.  It could be very possible that other men see you as super-awesome, and as with most men, we’re just trying to get confident enough to make a move.

 

6) It’s okay for ladies to give a hint.

Do you see a dude you like? Ask him out for coffee.
Do you really, really want to meet someone?
It’s okay to be in situations where you meet people.
Are you kind of shy or new to the whole thing?
It’s okay to ask a friend for help. It’s okay to pray together.

 

7) Before relational intimacy with others, we first need relational intimacy with God.

My friend, again: I know this is a very tough time.  Anything I’ve stated here is not a magic formula or silver bullet that will suddenly wash away the nights alone.  I don’t mean to minimize anything you’re feeling, because I do believe most of us are called to be married, and singleness can be a tough time. 

So I want to encourage you to continue to seek after God and trust Him.  That’s probably the predicable pastor-ish thing to say, yet no one can give you the validation, affirmation, and approval that God gives you.  If we squeeze that from a spouse, we will crush them and crush ourselves. Before we can rightly estimate people in our lives, we must first hold an accurate picture of God and who He is, so that our foundation would be deepened to the very bottom of our roots. 

But more than simply seeing God as a vehicle to fill us, He is also the center of all things, the one who in Himself is worthy of all our affection.  He is the pure beauty we’ve been seeking in all our relational ties; He is the only love who knows us exactly as we are, the very depth of our ugliness, yet He continues to pursue us and press in.  I know that you know this.  Sometimes it feels like a pithy consolation prize, like “Yes I know God is God, but I want a date."  I just know that the more I press into Jesus, the more I understand that he became ugly so we might become beautiful, he was single his whole life and calls us his bride, he stayed on a cross to absorb all the ways we have failed: such a costly love puts all others in their place.  My situation might hurt me or maim me, and life is never easy, but we have one who stands with us always, who gives me a value and dignity apart from whatever I’m going through or have done, and in this, I am never truly alone.  Each day, even with my tiny frail faith, this is enough. Trust Him, bask in Him, know His glory. You are absolutely loved by Him, as if you were the only one that ever was.

"You are significant without a significant other.”

– Shauna Niequist

– J.S.

 

This post is now part of my book on dating here!

titoramus  asked:

I feel as if modern feminism has lost its roots and now glorifies fat, unhealthy, whore-mongering "women" who riot because they didn't get their exact way. What are your thoughts? Thank you.

Are you really asking me why we’re a bunch of fat, whiny, sluts?

I don’t think feminism glorifies being unhealthy. I would never tell someone it’s awesome to eat nothing but French fries and doughnuts everyday. What feminists want is women of any size (because some people, no matter how active or how healthy they eat, are going to be heavier) to be respected. We don’t want them to be insulted, marginalized, or treated like they’re a sub-human because of their jean size.

I’m also not sure what you mean by “whoremongering” because Webster’s defines that as: “a person who has dealings with prostitutes, especially a sexually promiscuous man.”
What I assume you mean is women who choose to have sex when they want with who they want (like a man does). That I don’t see an issue with. Everyone has their own standards when it comes to sex which include who, how, frequency, and timing.
Everyone, men and women, are entitled to that.

Confused why you wrote “women”. As if we’re not really women because you disapprove of us?

I’m going to guess your last point about us rioting because we didn’t get our way is in reference to The Women’s March.
By saying “not getting our way” you make women (who marched to have rights over our reproductive health and our physical safety) sound like kids who didn’t get to watch the movie they wanted before bedtime.
Women are watching their rights and their safety being chipped away at bit by bit by Republican legislators. States may not be able to overturn Roe v Wade, but they can pass laws that make it nearly impossible for abortion clinics or Planned Parenthood to remain open. Laws like this pertaining to regulating our health and our physical safety are being passed all over the country. That along with the election of a vagina-grabbing misogynist makes us fearful and it makes us mad. In response we exercise our Constitutional right to assemble and to speak against it.

I didn’t answer this ask as soon as I got it because I honestly couldn’t tell if you were being sincere in asking me this question in the way you did. If you are being sincere you should take a moment to reflect on how you asked this and realize how demeaning you sound towards me and women like me. It’s honestly for the very words you chose in this question (whore, fat, “women”) that I feel we need feminism still.

You said. if it is meant to be. fate will bring us back together. for a second i wonder if you are really that naive. if you really believe fate works like that. as if it lives in the sky staring down at us. as if it has five fingers and spends its time placing us like pieces of chess. as if it is not the choices we make. who taught you that. tell me. who convinced you. you’ve been given a heart and a mind that isn’t yours to use. that your actions do not define what will become of you. i want to scream and shout it’s us you fool. we’re the only ones that can bring us back together. but instead i sit quietly. smiling softly through quivering lips thinking. isn’t it such a tragic thing. when you can see it so clearly but the other person doesn’t.
—  Kaur, Rupi. “Milk and Honey.”

Castiel’s Last Letter to Dean

Dear Dean,
I was thinking about shells today. I saw a woman with a shirt that had them, and I remembered the beach, and you, and this box. I went back and read through all the letters, and for the first time, in a long time, I wasn’t sad about it – not in the same way.


I’ve been so tired lately. I’m so tired of being angry, and sad, because that wasn’t the point. I’m sad because I’ll never get to tell you certain things again. I’m sad about that, but I’m not sad like I was when you left. I think I held onto that too long. I confused it with loving you, and those aren’t the same. Being sad about the things I miss isn’t loving you. It never was. Loving you was so much bigger than that. .

I don’t think I can stop loving you. I think it’s a part of me now, and it’s never leaving. It makes me who I am, and I used to think this crippled me, but I don’t think it does anymore. Loving you has given you back to me. I’ve missed you. The old you. You never really came home, and I understand that now, and I know it wasn’t your fault or mine or anyone’s. It was just circumstances we couldn’t avoid, but I’ve realized that just because we ended the way we did doesn’t define what we were before.

To have those memories back is such a precious thing. To have that part of you back with me – it’s unimaginable. I was thinking about shells, and I was thinking about that day at the beach and I can remember sitting on the blanket looking at the water, and you asked me what I was thinking.
I was thinking about how afraid I was that I was never going to love you as much as I did then. That the moment was going to get washed out, that I would never be able to experience what it was like to know that I loved you as much as I did again…

I’m sorry that things didn’t work out the way we wanted them to. I’m sorry – I’m sorry we weren’t as equipped to deal with the hand we got. The fact that we didn’t get to do the little plans hurts more than the big ones, sometimes. It wouldn’t have mattered about a house or the island. Sometimes I stop myself at work and realize I’m never going to sit in Van’s noodle house with you, and I don’t know exactly – I’m so terrible at letters, Dean. I’m glad you never had to read them when you were in Vietnam, they were all so terrible and boring and wordy.

I think –

I think that, the point of it all, is that the moment at the beach? I had never really understood who I was until then. That’s who I am. That person, and there, right there, next to me, that was you. That’s who you are.
It’s so wonderful to know that I didn’t lose you. That we were always right where we were supposed to be the whole time. This whole time I thought I’d lost you, and there you were…

Memories are good that way. I can remember us, and I can keep living. I can keep going and always know right where to find you when I miss you.

I miss you all the time.

I want you to realize this someday. All of that about us. You don’t – you don’t have to be guilty, and I know you are, and I understand why everything happened the way it did. It just happened. We just – it just happened, Dean, and it’s alright. I’m alright.

I’ll be okay.

Once, you told me it didn’t seem right to say goodbye. Not really.
I thought I’d have to – I thought I’d have to let go of everything I loved about you, but I don’t, and you were right, and wouldn’t you be pleased with yourself to know.

The truth of it has never been clearer to me, my darling.

And you are, always, my darling.

Yours,
Cas

See you then


I was bored. This happened. Enjoy?


I’m terribly sorry..

Made with SoundCloud

Hey, so what if you don’t have the biggest booty. Or the most rigged abs. I sure as heck don’t! You’re still the same, most amazing person that you are, regardless of what you look like.
____________________________________________

I’ve had so many people come to me expressing the discontentment they feel about their bodies because they do not look like a complete supermodel. But truly, your physical characteristics do not define you as a person, at all. Do what feels right to you, and let your body take care of the rest! Focus on healthy habits and unconditional love, NOT the number on the scale! Really, REALLY try to remember this, because being in the society that we are today, sometimes it gets difficult to unconditionally accept ourselves and everything that we are.

season3hiatus  asked:

S4 just can't be the end. Now, I am not saying Sherlock is a romance story (tho it is, it is!) but it's rather unusual,and in a way heartbreaking, to have all your characters emotionally unfulfilled at the end of your story: Sherlock - romantic entanglements would fulfill you (where they at at the end?); John - I wanted more, and still do (didn't get his more); Lestrade - she's not the one Sherlock said (clearly isn't going to last); Molly - let's not even go there; 1/2

2/2 and what ever happened with Mycroft and Lady Smallwood? All the characters are, in a way, alone in the end, and it’s just sad. As a writer, what do you think of ending a story like this?

HEYO!

I think it’s unfinished, radically so. 

Two options: they meant to leave it unfinished, or:

It is not, in fact, over. 

As a writer, as someone who has studied craft and struggled with endings (we all do, we all do), I can tell you this: how you finish a story determines what that story is really about. That is what defines the world you’ve created and, to a large extent, you. 

If this is the end, this unfinished, clumsy horror movie / Bond pastiche, it is gross, particularly in light of tld. I’m sure I wasn’t alone in thinking, with that embrace, oh wow! They’re setting it up. They’re finally bringing John and Sherlock back together in a way that really matters. They’ve almost said what they need to say. They’ve even neatly laid out the few things they really need to take off the table. Now John’s been shot! Well well well, garridebs, here we go!

I hated tfp on first viewing. Now, I think it’s a subtextual beauty (and garridebs from top to bottom), if confusing, like the rest of s4. Still: unfinished. They need to bring it all the way home. 

Surely the thing they meant to leave us with was not “you, hey you, you audience, you, you don’t deserve closure. You don’t deserve an actual episode of Sherlock as the last episode of Sherlock. Let’s raise more questions than we answer, when we already had a ton of questions that needed answering. Oh, and here, have a resolution to a plot point that literally nobody cares about and that we raised a few episodes ago. Not the one thing we’ve been pounding on since the beginning. p.s. fuck you for caring.” That’s what the ending says right now. 

I would not leave it like that. I don’t think anyone in their right mind would.

And that is precisely why I agree with you, 100%: this just can’t be the end.