what collective

She can go to Hell

“3 wishes”, she articulated. “I trust you know the drill? Can’t wish for more wishes, or to be God, etc. That’s about the size of it.”

I nodded. “I understand, but one thing I want to make clear: I don’t want to find out there’s some crazy side effect, or hidden curse for all eternity or some shit. I want the things I wish for to benefit me, NOT to somehow turn around and hurt me. You promise that’s how this works?”

She cocked her head quizzically, as toddlers do when confronted with a conundrum. “Well of course, dear boy. Contrary to what you may think, I’m not out to get you. I have no reason to want to harm you. You have literally no risk in this endeavor.”

My gut tightened nervously.

“Satisfied?” she asked me with an impatient sigh, like a tired old tutor who has been teaching math for decades.

“Ok, I’m sold.” I grasped the pen and signed the contract before I waivered again.

For my first wish, I elected to have a weekly paycheck bigger than anyone else’s on earth. Rather than have a lump sum of cash, and risk spending it on a stupid island or being robbed, now I was guaranteed to be wealthy for the rest of my life.

Next, I took a cultured approach: fine art! I wished for an entire house full of famous pieces. My own showcase of literally priceless paintings.

Finally, I made sure to cover my ass for all eternity. “Heaven! I shouted joyously. I want to spend my afterlife enjoying limitless ecstasy & fulfillment forever.”

Smiling broadly, she signed her portion of the now-completed contract. "You’ve made some marvelous selections, child. You will indeed be satisfied, now & forevermore.”

She tore off my copy, folded it, sealed it with wax, & slipped the document into a stately leather pouch.

Her eyes met mine, for a consummating moment filled with irrevocability, and then she gave final instructions:

“And now, our collections agency will set about obtaining your desires! Unfortunately it’s not like Aladdin, you understand. These things cannot be contrived from thin air,” she winked.

I didn’t hide my worried tone, “Whoa, Collections Agency? What the fuck does that mean? You told me I had nothing to worry about!”

“Of course not, dear boy”, she assured me. “We must simply go about the business of collecting what is rightfully yours.”

“The money, we will procure from various banks around the world, and of course those places can spare it.”

“The art, we will replace what we take from museums, with replicas. Not a soul can tell the difference, behind the security glass.”

“And as for your eternal life in heaven, you will certainly be getting that as well! Though you didn’t earn it with your actions, tisk tisk” she slapped her tongue.

“That’s why we had you list a character reference on the contract; you chose well! Your lovely daughter has lived a very honorable life.”

anonymous asked:

i have a weird thing about how noses in art look but literally the way you draw them is my favorite i love the way they look they're really adorable???? srry this is really random have a nice day

WOAH THANK YOU???? Noses are a really huge part of my art style I’m so glad you like them! Have a great day nose-anon.

thelonelybrilliance  asked:

Your opinion on enemies-to-lovers, the ideal man, baby names (boy and girl), and who Natasha Romanoff should be with.

What a great collection!

Enemies-to-lovers: a great trope, I love it. I think it needs to be carefully and sensitively handled because it’s easy to go wrong with this, both in destroying characters’ agencies and/or just not really working? It’s a hard landing to stick but when a writer gets it right, it’s so gooooooood. I love the way the inherent drama in it. Good love stories need conflict to work, and no, I don’t love stupid misunderstandings either but you have to something that’s standing in their way, either within them or without, or you don’t have a story. 

Enemies-to-lovers places the conflict directly inside both of their hearts and the way two people could work their way out of hating each other and wanting to kill each other to falling in love is fascinating to me, because it’s about personal transformation and the ability to change drastically. It’s also about the literal transformation of hate into love and that’s beautiful. We all need more of it. :D

The ideal man: funny, smart, kind, fiercely loving but not possessive, supportive, unselfish, interested in bettering himself and growing in virtue, humble. So Jake Peralta basically. (I’m kidding but also I’m not. This is the power of Jake Peralta.)

Baby names: boy- William, Andrew, Kenneth (for some reason????) girl- Emma, Emily, Catherine, Ella!!

Natasha Romanoff’s love interest: oh gosh. GOOD ONE. I don’t know! She has potential with a lot of people. I low-key ship her with Steve, because I mean there is a lot of love there (plus I love Scarlett and Chris together re: The Nanny Diaries.) I used to really love her with Clint (I love love that’s friendship and teasing and shared experiences) but turns out Clint had a wife and kids which was…shocking but not completely in a bad way. I feel like she had potential with Bruce but I didn’t love how they handled it. I like to watch people fall in love not have it announced that they are. Also I sort of love BuckyNat because I just do. I can see it. This is one of those times when I don’t have one opinion just a lot of minor ones. 

anonymous asked:

can I just say that I love you like seriously

you can say that

you know what I love like seriously? These porcelain seals I’ve been looking at on ebay 

jazzin

snazzin

hello

lads

this last one scares me and I feel almost unnerving levels of affinity for her

does anybody remember that one game???????? where the baseball man cleanses his hoolahoops???????????????

3

Max’s expression towards Kim has a 98% chance of being shippy.

Dark Cupid / Dislocœur


Bonus:

He hates seeing him go, but he loves watching him leave.

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