Long Post about Asian Parenting and Society.
One day, probably a year ago, I was talking to my boyfriend via Skype. We stopped talking for a while because he was talking to his mom on the phone. I was watching him the whole time (what else can I do right?) and it baffled me how he was so laid-back with her.
It was weird to hear something like, “well, mum. I must say that that is fucked up but what the hell can I do? It’s bullshit, I know.”
He’s American but mixed, his mom is a typical white mom.
What I don’t get is (and I mentioned to him so many times), Asians and most probably other ethnicity and race will never be able to pull that off. But since we are an anti Asian racism blog, I’ll explain more about Asian parents.
They are strict, yes, but it’s way more than that.
In Asian countries, we have a social status that can’t be altered regardless of time and cultural changes. Older people would usually be respected and we will have different ways to address them in our native languages. You can’t talk to your parents/uncles/aunts/grandparents/etc the way my boyfriend did with his mom.
I would probably be slapped or it could turn into an argument.
Not that I shame the way my boyfriend’s way of talking, it’s just an example of how different cultures are to different people in different countries.
Asian parents own you, they really do and it’s messed up. They want you to be doctors or lawyers so they can impress our relatives which doesn’t have any business meddling with our lives. They tell you that you’re fat or not fair enough for their expectations. They will threaten you in various ways if your grade is not “up to standard”. They do this and they are our parents.
Back in high school, my friend was punished by her mom because she came home at 8 pm instead of 6.
What’s the punishment? She was slapped and yelled at.
Because in Asia, there was this sort of acceptance in society that you only worth something when you follow the system.
You own a house and car before 35 years old? A successful member of society.
You are not married although you’re over 25 and a woman? There must be something wrong with you.
You express negative feelings or have mental illness ? That’s a weakness.
Racism/homophobia/bigotry/sexism/etc often comes from parents and society. Yes, I admit. There are many Asians who are not yet accepting with all those things I mentioned above.
“Women are supposedly submissive and be a stay at home mom, parents are always right, men have to be a reliable source of income, religions have to bashed each other, gays are a joke, trans are not real human beings and blah blah blah”
These thoughts are in core of most older generation’s (and unfortunately some younger ones’) mindset.
This is the reason why I combine parenting and society in this post because this is where the pressure comes from, this is why some countries can’t develop, this is why you shouldn’t belittle us Asians.
We are fighting this stereotype every single second of our lives and we have enough internal struggle to fuck ourselves up without the help of other non-Asian bugging through it, so please understand that this is not about any of you.
This is about us.
We are everywhere yet we are treated as if we don’t matter.
If you are reading this, please do not push your kids too hard, don’t mock your silent cousin, don’t frown at the fact that the person you used to know has changed into something that you don’t agree with.
We are here and we are significant.