what are you doing here ho bag

Horoscopes by Gil Hizon - Week of April 2-8, 2017

Look, queen…

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

Okay, so you’re like, on a different wavelength than the rest of us this week. This is usually the time (for some reason) where bitches are running around frantic with the amount of overwhelming shit they have to do, but you’re all like, “Spring Break, WOOOOOO!” Look, queen, we want you to keep going with that, but maybe don’t be so fucking overt about it. Some of us have to work.
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TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

So a big change is set to happen in your life within a few months, and if it was any other bitch, the normal reaction would be a huge freakout. But not you. You’re a fucking sea of calm. I mean more power to you, but this mode is making others uncomfortable. In looking at chu, these other hos may think that you just don’t give a rats ass how your big change could affect them. Look queen, it’s not your nature to cater to the other gurls, but at least just let them know that you care about what’s coming.
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GEMINI (May 21 – June 21)

People recognize and respect your ability to formulate theories and your willingness to keep an open mind. But sometimes, bitches just want to know what you really think without you referencing all these fancy fucking anecdotes you keep in your mental arsenal. Look, queen, hos are overwhelmed right now. When they ask you a question, be direct. B. E. Direct.
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CANCER (June 22 – July 22)

Sometimes, the more you plan your week, the more disappointed you get when things take fucking longer than expected. It’s stressful enough to have a pile of shit to do without time being a factor. Look, queen, this week is just gonna be a shitshow. The earlier you recognize and anticipate that, the more you’ll be able to accept and be at peace with the universe when the barista screws up your Starbucks.
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LEO (July 23 – August 22)

Oh, gurl, why are you even going there? And by “there,” I mean that dark place that contains all your neuroses, apprehensions and regrets about bad memories from distant past. Look queen, if you’re trying to harness your tolerance for bad shit because you think something horrible is about to happen, this is not the way to go. Huddling up on your own is not a good idea right now. You need to be among the bitches who love and accept yo ass. #textthem
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VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

Here are just some of the things that annoy you: inefficiency, business e-mails on a Sunday, and people who walk their dogs without leashes (it’s careless, selfish, with a dash of lazy). Look queen, I’ll be the first one to tell a ho to wait at least 24 hours before speaking up when bitches do these things, but sometimes, you just gotta let someone have it, right on the muthafucking spot.
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LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

You need to be careful what you’re promising other bitches. You may think you have something in the bag, but have you looked in there lately? Look, queen, there is no need to make any big proclamations about the future right now because any ho within hearing distance may start making life-altering adjustments to their routine all willy-nilly. The least you can do is wait a few fucking days. 
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SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Look, queen, existing in two planes is not usually your gig (that’s more of a PISCES thing), but not this week. Get ready for a tug of war between your default intense nature which usually anchors you to the ground, and your awakened exploratory instincts that are more apt to search for new experiences to find meaning, even if it’s at a clearance bin at cRoss Dress For Less. As far as internal conflicts go, it’s better than a post-Chipotle experience.
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SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

Thanks to a rut in one of your key relationships, your zodiac sign isn’t the only thing that has “SAG” in it. Could it be that maybe you’ve waited too long as far as even attempting to make any repairs in this partnership? Look, queen, if there’s even a nugget of anything that is worth saving in this union, I fucking urge you to get thee to fixing that shit. Immediately, if not sooner.
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CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

The minute some bitch gets all emotional on you this week, you’re out. You are a firm believer that there is a place and time for catering to other hos “outbursts,” and your business vicinity ain’t it. Look, queen, I know that you’re focused on rolling up your sleeves and getting shit done but you also have to recognize that this person in front of you may not just be some employee.
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AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

You’ve been on-the-go so much, that you’ve grown accustomed to always trying to get shit done. The idea of rest is so fucking alien to you now that you’ve trained yourself to sleeping only four hours a night. Look queen, that shit adds up. Instead of being so worried about the countless duties you have to do, why not sit back, relax and celebrate what you have accomplished?
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PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

So you do this thing where, when you’re critiquing others, you like to bookend that shit with unnecessary piles of praise and encouragement. We think that you do this as a way to pad the blow. Look, queen, I’m not saying that you should stop that shit. All I’m saying is that we can see what you’re doing. We’re onto you, gurl, thanks to our PISCES Opinion Filter, now available in all colors of the fucking rainbow.
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(DISCLAIMER for all entries: This is all a shitshow!)

For more Horoscopes By Gil Hizon, click here, gurl!

Stupid- Miles Wood

Originally posted by adamhenriques

Ok did ANY of you see that fight last night? Omg it was so fantastic I love the Devils! Anyway got another request for the AMAZING Miles Wood! Enjoy guys!

Warning: None

Anon Request: I loved the Miles Wood imagine! Could you do another one with him where you two are dating and you get into an argument before he leaves for a week and you don’t talk while he’s away, and when he gets home from the trip he thinks you left him but you didn’t? Thanks!!

~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/~/

              “I don’t get why you’re so upset with me, Miles! I’m the one that should be pissed with you!”

              “You have no right to be mad! She’s an ex!”

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Where Do Broken Hearts Go?-8

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7)

Requested by @homra-the-red-clan

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of a brutal beating resulting in a miscarriage!  You’ve been warned, please read with caution!

Tig x Ava (OFC), Happy X Ava


Clay struggled to breathe, he crawled across the floor to his phone he knew he needed help. He heard the rumble of several bikes riding up to the cabin, he turned his head at the sound of boots.

Chibs, Rat, and Quinn rushed inside, seeing Clay laying on the floor. Chibs knelt at his side, checking his wounds, “Go get my medic back! Call Juice to come out with the van! Have Tara come with com.”

Rat ran out side to get the back, Quinn pulled out his phone. Chibs grabbed his medic bag, and started to try to stabilize Clay until Tara could get there. “Who did this Clay?” 

Clay closed his eyes, refusing to answer. He needed time to think of a way to cover up the things they’d done to Ava. “I don’t know.” 


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A Vulnerable's Comfort

Originally posted by k-popsquad

Member(s): Jaebum
Word Count: 2957
Genre: Angst-ish
Summary: It’s a long lost love story. It only began and ended because of a dare. But was there really something more that you couldn’t forget? Was it really just all because of a dare?

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My Dorm! (BTS X SVT)
  • Y/N: Who is at the door so damn early? Just leave me alone! It's a weekend! Let me sleep in!
  • *RING RING RING*
  • Y/N: OH MY GOSH! I'm coming I'm coming! Calm your horses!
  • *Opens Door*
  • Rapmon: Hi there! Are you Y/N?
  • *Closes door*
  • Rapmon: Hellooo?
  • Y/N: ...Hello? I'm Y/N. Why are you here Namjoon?
  • Scoups: Hey there! Nice to meet you! I'm Scoups!
  • Y/N: HOLD UP! SEVENTEEN AND BTS IS AT MY DOOR? WHAT IS GOING ON?
  • *Ring Ring Ring*
  • Y/N: Can you wait for a second? My phone is ringing.
  • Bestie: Hey girl! Do you see hawt men at your door right now?
  • Y/N: I do! What the hell did you do?
  • Bestie: A friend of a friend needed a place for some of their distant friends a room. I knew you had a big house and lots of room open, so why the hell not? I forgot to tell you about it till now.
  • Y/N: SO WHY THE HELL IS IT BTS AND SEVENTEEN?
  • Bestie: I don't know who they are. Anyways, enjoy. I have to go to swim practice.
  • Y/N: WAIT WAIT WAIT! DON- And she left.
  • Scoups: Are we bothering you? You see our hotels are fully booked and we need a place to stay.
  • Rapmon: Same here.
  • Y/N: I only have enough rooms for one group. But please, come in for a bit. It's hot outside.
  • V: Phew! I was wondering how long we needed to wait!
  • Dino: It's so nice and cool in here!
  • Joshua: Thanks for letting us in. You have such a beautiful house.
  • Jimin: Um Can I get some water please?
  • Y/N: For now just sit down. I'll get some drinks right away.
  • *In the kitchen*
  • Y/N: HOLD CRAP! SVT AND BTS IN MY HOUSE! AM I ALIVE? I LOVE THESE GROUPS SO MUCH!
  • Mingyu: Can I help you with that?
  • Y/N: OH MY GOSH! Don't scare me like that! And yes please.
  • Mingyu: I'm sorry for bothering you like this.
  • Y/N: It's not much. The only thing is, I don't know if I have enough rooms for all of you guys.
  • Mingyu: I'm sure we can work something out.
  • Y/N: Drinks are here guys!
  • Jin: Y/N! Just the girl we are looking for!
  • Jeonghan: The two of us came up with a plan to work out this whole 2 groups in one house issue.
  • Y/N: Okay...Tell me...
  • Scoups: We decided that we will have a week to win your heart, and you will decide which group you like the best. That group will be able to stay in your house for a week. Is that okay with you?
  • Y/N: Where are you guys going to stay for a week then?
  • Rapmon: Don't worry about it. We will figure it out.
  • Y/N: Whatever. *Sigh* I'm going back to my room if you don't mind.
  • *Walks up to Room*
  • V: OOOO! LOOK AT ALL OF THE SEVENTEEN POSTERS!
  • Dino: And LOOK AT oh ho...NONE OF THE BTS MERCH!
  • Jimin: We are at a disadvantage.
  • Hoshi: We got this in da bag.
  • Y/N: ALL OF YOU GET OUT OF MY ROOM! NOW!
  • *Shuts Door*
  • Y/N: That was embarrassing... Never again... *Rolls on Bed & Looks @ side* OH MY GOSH! SUGA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
  • Suga: I'm sleepy. Don't bother me, I'm going to nap.
  • *Rolls to other side*
  • Y/N: Jeonghan... Why you here?
  • Jeonghan: Same as him. Night.
  • Y/N: What the hell am I going to do? Good night...
  • Y/N: (Thinking) Hmm? Is someone kissing me? Who is it?
"Let's Do a Revolution!" a play in one act by Stan Polson.

[Meeting of Communist Leaders]

Stalin: “Dudes, this is going to sound like an unlikely coincidence, but hear me out. All the enemies of the revolution are people I didn’t like in high school.”

Bukharin: “And some you liked.”

Stalin: “Naw.”

Trotsky: “There are pictures of you hanging out in the yearbook.”

Stalin: “Check again.”

Lenin: “Under no circumstances is Stalin to be allowed to lead the yearbook committee.”

Hoxha: “Yeah yeah yeah, listen. Yall are being seriously lax on your bunker technology research. Kennedy announced a ten year plan to put a bunker on the moon.”

Lenin: “I don’t think that’s…”

Hoxha: “All I’m saying is, yall ain’t riding my bunker coattails. Don’t come knocking on my bunkers expecting to get in. I ain’t the brick house pig.”

Mao Tse-tung: “We’re not starting a bunker arms race. Just spread out really thin.”

Kim Il-sung: “That’s not…”

Ho Chi Minh: “We can’t…”

Fidel Castro: “I don’t know if…”

Bernie Sanders: “Hey, sorry I’m late! Hope I didn’t miss the best 0.1% of the top 3% of the meeting!”

Everyone: “Who let you in here?”

Mikhail Gorbachev: “Guys, he’s fine. I can vouch for him.”

Everyone: “Who let YOU in here?”

Stalin [chipping ice for margaritas]: “Hey, Leon! A little help?”

Trotsky: “I’m, uh… I’ll go get us some real margaritas.”

Stalin: “What, in Mexico?”

Trotsky: “Yeah.”

Stalin: “Where in Mexico?”

Trotsky: “I, uh…”

Lenin: “Under no circumstances is Stalin to know where the good margaritas are.”

Castro: “Let’s do shots! Bunker Busters, coming up!”

Hoxha: “No! Let’s have Irish Car Bombs.”

James Connolly: “I got this.”

Muammar Gaddafi: “Sorry I’m late! I was picking up the group shirts.”

Everyone: “Those look ridiculous.”

Castro: “I dunno, I like ‘em.”

Kim Il-sung: “Anybody else hungry? Wanna order some Chinese take out? Ah, shit… forgot my wallet.”

Mao [audible groan]: “I can cover you.”

Lenin: “Alright, alright. Let’s call this meeting to order.”

Rosa Luxemburg: “I object!”

Lenin: “Ok, well um… I guess Rosa is making a motion to…”

Kropotkin: “Motions are tyranny.”

Lenin: “Ok, so I guess, uh, we can add that to the agenda.”

Bakunin: “No agendas.”

Gorbachev [slips the anarchists Nintendo Gameboys with Tetris]: “Please go on, Comrade Lenin.”

Lenin: “Right, so first order of business. Western aggression. Thoughts? Concerns?”

Everyone: “Yes! Absolutely! We must…”

Bernie Sanders: “Hey, what’s wrong with western aggression!?!?”

Stalin: “It’s fine. Leave it. Next item.”

Sanders: “Universal healthcare!”

Lenin: “We were unanimous on that like ten meetings ago. You really have to read the minutes, man.”

Stalin: “Gulags!”

Everyone [skeptical glances]

Stalin: “We can put them in bunkers.”

Hoxha: “Sold. I second the motion.”

Ho Chi Minh: “What are they for?”

Stalin: “Like, for prisoners and stuff.”

Ho Chi Minh: “Oh, oh right. We call them John McCaineries. That’s where we keep American pilots we shoot down.”

Stalin: “Whoa, check out Ho over here! Big Minh on campus, shooting down Americans!”

Castro: “Ballsy. I like it!”

Pol Pot: “I’m sorry, I’m a little lost. What’s a prisoner?”

Lenin: “You know what a prisoner is, Pol. It’s somebody you arrest for obstructing the revolution.”

Kim Il-sung: “Oh, is that who we’re supposed to arrest?”

Pol Pot: “Wait, wait, wait. Slow down. What does 'arrest’ mean?”

Castro: “To put in jail.”

Stalin: “To put in gulag.”

Mao: “To take in for reeducation.”

Kim Il-sung: “To put in labor ca…” [looks around] “I mean, to put in jail. Right. That’s what I was… I’m with you fellas.”

Luxemburg: “A true revolution doesn’t jail people.”

Pol Pot: “Yeah, see–that’s more what I was thinking.”

Luxemburg: “Such a self-defeating practice.”

Pol Pot: “Truly a terrible idea. I’m opposed to jails.”

Luxemburg: “Finally, someone sensible.”

Bakunin: “I feel like you two might be talking past one another.”

Eugene Debs [enters carrying brown bags]: “Yall order take-out?”

Stalin: “Eugene! Hell yeah! The party’s here now!”

Debs: “I can’t stay. Wish I could, but I got a bunch more stops.”

Bakunin: “Ah, man. You should blow that off. Hang out.”

Debs: “Some of us have real jobs.”

Bernie Sanders: “And those who do deserve a living wage, am I right? Up top!”

Everyone [groaning]

Sanders: “What’s wrong with a minimum wage increase? I thought you guys were socialists!”

Stalin [aside, to Ho Chi Minh]: “See, that’s what we were saying about gulags.”

Lenin: “Ok, well let’s take a recess for lunch.”

Luxemburg: “The concept of recess is predicated upon involuntary labor.”

Lenin: “God, I hate you so much.”

[Everyone freezes in tableau. Marx & Engels enter from opposite sides of the stage and address the audience.]

Marx: “Thesis. Antithesis. Synthesis.”

Engels [translating]: “We must find a way to merge together in a great Communist Voltron.”

Marx: “Revolutionary praxis.”

Engels [translating]: “The important thing isn’t the theorizing or the endless meetings or even necessarily finding consensus. It’s getting out there and doing the actual work.”

Marx: “Dictatorship of the proletariat.”

Engels [translating]: “You can always hang the revisionists afterward.”

Stalin [unfreezes, gives a thumbs up]

FIN

Arthur had had a nickname in high school.

Despite his immaculate attendance, his outstanding academic record, and his involvement in volunteer work, his peers had simply known him as the Erotic Ambassador.

The reasoning behind this was that he was an exchange student and he’d been caught once with a boy’s mag in his maths book. Still, it earned him the nickname regardless, and he lived with that fact for a good three years, ready to tear apart anyone who dared call him it to his face if only to maintain appearances.

Yet that didn’t make it not true.

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