what are you doing bruce wayne

The first time Damian gets kidnapped as Bruce Wayne's son

Thugs over video feed: “Okay man, just remember you have 24 hours to deliver the money or else the kid dies 

Bruce: "All right, but first I just want to talk to him please I need to know my little baby is okay *wipes away very convincing Fake Tear™* 

*camera pans to Damian, who’s tied to a chair but seems totally chill with the situation and even gives an evil grin when he sees Bruce* 

Bruce (yelling dramatically): "OH NO MY DARLING CHILD ARE YOU OKAY??”

Bruce (furiously whispering): “Don’t you dare hurt them do you hear me young man" 

"DID YOU GET BOO BOOS?? DO YOU HAVE ANY BROKEN BONES?? OH MY GOD DID THEY TOUCH YOU DID THEY STEAL YOUR INNOCENCE REMEMBER NO MEANS NO DAMIAN YOU NEED TO FIGHT BACK AND STAY STRONG UNTIL WE COME RESCUE YOU OKAY" 

"If you try to fight back at all I swear to god you’re grounded for a month when you get back" 

"WHAT KIND OF MONSTER COULD KIDNAP A CHILD YOU HEARTLESS FIENDS CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S JUST A BOY" 

"Please don’t kill them" 

  • batman comics: batman is super sad because his parents are dead, and is either angsting with his alternative universe father, dramatically looking off into the night after parents are mentioned in any capacity, or staring up at a large portrait of them
  • me: [barely awake, drooling, 'kill me now' written on forehead]
  • batman comics: "jason was the best", batman calls robin "kiddo" and "smart pup", family portraits, batman taking his kid to a baseball game, batman taking his other kid to a rock concert, "i think of dick and tim and my life seems that much richer", batman grieves for his lost children deeply
  • me: [tears streaming down my face, cheering, nothing but praise, howls endlessly]

I live for Bruce totally brushing off shit-bag reporters who try to bring up his parent’s to get a reaction from him for their story.

“Mr Wayne? What do you think your parents would say about this fundraiser, if they were still alive? Do you think they’d be proud of you?”

“They would probably say that the line for the desserts is looking particularly short right now” and he just…. walks away and grabs some ice cream. There he goes

Batfam: Batboys on vacations.

Expectations:

- Being on the airport 2 hours earlier.

-Not having problem with the security.

- Looking good on swimsuit.

-Not causing troubles.

-Playing with Dami on the pool.

-Going out all the time to fancy dinners.

-Not getting lost.

-Bruce having a nice week because he can trust his sons.

Reality:

-Probably arriving 10 minutes earlier.

-“I’m the son of Batman why I can’t bring Batcow with me?”

-Jason Todd faking his identy because he’s officially dead.

-“This is my cousin Pedro from Mexico” Dick trying to protect Jason.

- Damian wondering why he’s there when he could be at home with Titus.

-“He’s such a cutie boy” old ladies with Damian probably.

-What do you mean with I can’t bring my guns? Jason Todd 2k17.

-Dick flirting with every.single.girl.

-Timmy not having 91726262618 coffees per day. Juat 1 or 2.

- “SO YOU LEFT DAMIAN BY HIMSELF NEAR CROCODILES?” Bruce Wayne 2k17.

- “I’m the son of Batman why I can’t bring my new Tiger with me?”

-Bruce calling Alfred because he need a lot of help.

- “You little shit” Jason Todd such a good brother.

-Tim having more sleep hours.

- “Feels good to be back to Goth… holy shit where’s Damian?”

Them finding out you are pregnant with their child

PETER PARKER

Originally posted by spiderholland

  • actually melts
  • “Are you for real!?”
  • you show him the pregnancy test
  • And you assuring him that he will be a great father
  • “Peter, we are not naming our child Tony”
  • “I’m just saying-”
  • “No.”
  • Deciding to tell Aunt May
  • She is really happy and supportive 
  • “I mean, the making process was fun ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ”

STEVE ROGERS 

Originally posted by talkinboutmyimagination

  • will not stop smiling
  • “Are you even listening to me?”
  • Not even a single worry
  • And when you get insecure as a mother, he will be there to tell you that you are just fine
  • The Avengers freaked out, but Tony just smirked
  • “I heard you that night”
  • You got to paint the baby room together
  • “It was the most fun I've ever had”
  • “It’s because I was there”
  • Everything went smoothly as if you planned it

BRUCE WAYNE 

Originally posted by itsyourboystiffyliveat

  • As if he didn’t have enough kids at the manor
  • “Oh shit”
  • You’d be in tears because you were scared that something will go wrong trough out the process 
  • But of course, he was there to help you cheer up
  • ALFRED BOUGHT YOU NINETEEN TESTS, SO YOU CAN MAKE SURE THAT IT WAS ACTUALLY TRUE
  • HE ACTUALLY STARTED JUMPING AROUND
  • “I will take care of it as if it was mine, Miss [Y/N]”
  • “I think I'll be fine Alf.”
  • You wanted to make sure the child didn’t find out about the bat
  • it ended up as the sixth robin…

BARRY ALLEN

Originally posted by fireworkofdec

  • As if you weren’t freaking out to tell him
  • he seemed angry to you for some reason (that wasn’t true ofc)
  • but that quickly escalated to a tight hug
  • “I’ll make sure this child lives the best life possible”
  • you had to go furniture shopping together 
  • You were both so happy when you saw the decorated room after so much work went over it
  • You imagined the small child running around
  • After it was born, you both tried to get time and take care of it
  • you would read her/him stories to bed
  • all your insecurities flew away

TONY STARK

Originally posted by varied-marvels

  • O boi
  • How did that happen  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • IT’S NOT LIKE YOU HAVE SEX EVERY WEEK OR ANYTHING  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • you tried to be serious, but Tony wasn’t at all
  • he just kept smiling and giggling like the giggly bitch he is
  • but you still love him
  • “Okay so….what are you doing”
  • “I’m planning the-”
  • “NONONONONONONONO YOU ARE NOT TURNING MY CHILD INTO A ROBOT”

(NOT MY GIFS)

Alfred “sass to deal with this” Pennyworth

Bruce “yes these are all my children” Wayne

Dick “I am like the mom of the friends” Grayson

Jason “I died once and will remind you often” Todd

Tim “I am too tired for this” Drake

Barbara “badass and smart” Gordon

Stephanie “don’t tell me what to do” Brown

Cassandra “you don’t stand a chance” Cain

Harper “I dare you to” Row

Kate “don’t doubt me cause I will kick your butt” Kane

Duke “I can do this” Thomas

Damian “I prefer animals over people” Wayne

Things I love from the new Justice League trailer

•Aquaman dropping what looks like an unconscious Bruce on a table and proceeding to grab a bottle of liquor, “its on him”
•Barry Allen “you’re the Batman?”
•Diana’s hair flip though
•(while getting into batmobile) Barry “what are you’re superpowers again?” Bruce “im rich”
•(Bruce getting into the batwing like a bad ass) “my turn” oh damn
•Queen fucking Mera and the Atlantians(silently praying Kaldur makes an appearance)
•that small scene of Barry talking to his dad in jail
•Diana landing in front of Aquaman and Cyborg
•that small step back Aquaman does when she lands
•"shall we?“ (Chills and squealing)
•Gordon to Batman "it’s good to see you playing well with others again” AGAIN!! Do you know what that could mean!!!!!
•Aquaman “dressed like a bat I dig it.” Bruce turns to Gordon “may be temporary”
•Aquaman riding on the batmobile “yeah!!”, Bruce smirking like damn right

Hair

Jason raised an eyebrow as Alfred adjusted the hair clippers and chose a guard.

“Since when do butlers cut hair?” he asked warily, leaning his thin, 12 year old frame back in the kitchen chair. His hair hung in his eyes when he bent forward but that didn’t mean he was gonna let just anyone chop it off.

“Since Master Bruce developed a paranoid nature,” Alfred replied easily, plugging the clippers in. “Since I tried to take him to a barbershop at age fourteen and he said, and I quote, ‘If you think I’m going to let some stranger near my head with scissors, I’ll throw myself out of the car and shave my head myself.’”

“That sounds dramatic,” Jason said, feeling oddly reassured.

“As is our way of life in the Manor,” Alfred said, sounding a little forlorn. “Come. I won’t nick your ears.”

“What if you do?”

“I shall fling myself from the rooftop in recompense,” Alfred said, turning the clippers on.

“And you wonder where he gets it,” Jason muttered.

“What was that?”

“Oh, nothing.”

Jason: I think we have a name problem B.

Bruce: what do you mean?

Jason: You yell Robin and five people still answer. One hasn’t been it in years.

Dick in the background: Hey!

Jason: Two people answer to Harper.

Roy: I ain’t part of this group. I just come for the food.

Tim: Don’t forget Alfred the cat and then Alfred Pennyworth.

Alfred: I was here first sirs.

Damian: Alfred is an honorable name?

Jason: point name problem.

Bruce: how do you plan to fix it.

Jason: simple everyone gets new names. Dick is not allowed to pick them.

like what do you want to bet that at least once when Jason was Robin, he made Bruce laugh in front of the Justice League by standing behind Hal and mimicking everything he did while pouting stoically. 

meanwhile Hal feared for his mortal soul because Batman was looking right at him and laughing. 

and what do you want to bet that he’s even WORSE about it whenever they run into Hal now? 

Jason prancing around on a rooftop behind him providing running commentary through the comm

“In brightest day, in blackest night, something something i hate yellow GREEN LANTERN!” 

The only thing scarier than having the Bat laugh at you is having him and a gaggle of Batlings quietly start laughing one by one and then composing themselves, only to repeat the cycle

Misunderstanding

Prompt: HI HI HI HI! Can I request a batmom in which after something dangerous goes down and BATMAN saves her she kisses BATMAN and the next day all the papers have “ Y/N WAYNE CHEATING ON BRUCE WAYNE WITH BATMAN?!?” And then they all have to answer questions on the “affair” and then they have a press conference where Bruce forgives her for the affair

———-

You cling to your husband as he carries you out of the warehouse. Riddler is tied up inside, the boys took care of that while Bruce untied you.

“Are you alright, Y/N?”

You nod, your face buried in the Batman armor. “’m fine”

“Let me see, sweetheart” he whispers. Setting you gently on a bench, his cape flares behind him when he crouches down, “You’re alright now. I promise”

You nod again, this time leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to Batman’s lips. Unbeknown to the two of you, someone had snapped a photo of that kiss.

The next morning you’re woken up by a series of kisses being trailed down your spine, “Mmm, babe, no. I’m asleep”

Bruce’s throaty chuckle sounds by your ear, “Obviously not, love. How’s your cheek?”

“Fine, a little sore, but nothing too bad”

“Good. I know Riddler isn’t the most dangerous villain in Gotham, but he still managed to get you”

You curl up, nuzzling into Bruce’s chest, “I don’t wanna get up”

“Neither do I, but the boys are all here, and they want to see you. They won’t admit it, but you scared them last night”

“Alright, I need a shower, and then we can head down”

Bruce gives you a smirk, “We can always share, save the water”

“You don’t need to save water! You’re a billionaire!”

The two of you finally manage to get downstairs an hour later.

“Good morning, Ummi.”

“Morning, Dami. Morning, boys”

Tim looks nervous when he glances at you and Bruce, “Mom, you might want to come look at this”

He holds out the newspaper article, and the first thing that catches your eye is the title, ‘Y/N WAYNE CHEATING ON BRUCE WAYNE WITH BATMAN?!?’ A grainy picture is beside the title, it isn’t clear enough to show you actually kissing Batman, but both of your faces are close enough for people to assume.

Bruce glances over your shoulder at the paper, and promptly bursts into laughter. You whirl around, “That’s not funny!!”

“Sweetheart, it’s hilarious. We’re going to have to set up an interview to explain this”

“I’m gonna have to apologize for kissing ‘Batman’ aren’t I?”

Jason chuckles, “Looks like it, Mom. That’ll be funny”

You smack Jason with the newspaper, “Hush, you. God, this is a nightmare! “

Bruce leans down, his forehead gently pressing against yours, “Don’t worry … I forgive you for cheating on me”

Everyone’s silent for a minute and then they burst into laughter, “That’s not funny!!”

“Hey!” He holds up his hands innocently, “I’m not the one caught kissing a vigilante”

Bruce ends up scheduling an interview with Vicki Vale two days after the news article was released. The two of you are sitting across from the Gotham Gazette reporter.

“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me, Mr. and Mrs. Wayne. I’m sure all of our readers and the viewers here” she gestures to the camera crew who are filming everything live, “are eager to know what happened”

“Of course”

“The first question I have is for Mrs. Wayne. How long have you been having an affair with the Batman?”

You straighten up, “I am not having an affair with Batman. I kissed Batman on the cheek, perhaps relatively close to his lips, in order to show my gratitude. He had rescued me from the Riddler the night the picture.”

“So you claim that you aren’t having an affair? Mr. Wayne, do you believe her?”

“Of course I do. It is well known that my company sponsors Batman, I have met him multiple times. He explained what happened that night when I contacted him, it is one of the reasons I agreed to this interview.”

“Mrs. Wayne, how did you explain yourself to Mr. Wayne? Do your children know about this scandal?”

“My children were actually the ones to show up the news article, so of course they know. I’m positive that they are all watching this interview right now. As for explaining what happened to my husband, he knew that a kiss on the cheek means nothing. Bruce knows that I love him, and I know that he loves me.”

“I will admit, for a split second I feared for my marriage. However, once everything was explained to me I apologized for jumping to conclusions.”

Vicki Vale raises an eyebrow, “So, Mr. Wayne, you apologized, but did Mrs. Wayne apologize for causing this scandal?”

“I did, actually. I apologized to my family for making them go through this nonsense, but to satisfy everyone I will apologize again.” You turn in your chair, facing Bruce, “I’m sorry for causing such a confusion for everyone. What happened a few nights ago was not what everyone thought it was. I would never have an affair with batman … if I was going to have an affair with a hero it would be with Superman”

After that you quickly walk off-stage, trying to reign in your laughter at Bruce’s face. You know the next time you see Clark you’re going to have to apologize, but for now, you’re going to enjoy what you just said.