what am i doing someone KO me

anonymous asked:

do you have a ko-fi page?


I didn’t know what was a ko-fi page so I had to check and when I found out I felt so emotional! I never thought someone would ever want to support me. I edit and do any online content for us fans to appreciate it. I love editing SouMako even if it’s a pain to mask everything and even with the reposts I am always so happy to see people enjoying it! 

I created a ko-fi page but I don’t want you guys to feel pressure to give me anything. If you ever do please tell me so that I can do something for you to return that amazing gesture. 


Here is my Ko-fi page if you ever want to support me: https://ko-fi.com/jinbeizaki

anonymous asked:

I love your writing, whenever you post something I am litterally blessed

Originally posted by anime-worldwide

Whhaa!! Thank you so much! :D Gosh I don’t think I’ll ever get used to people saying they like my writing it’s such an honor holy crap ;W; but still thank you hun!!

- Ghost

What about the bottle?!

Somewhat recently, I played a game with a bard, a rogue (that was also a very young girl), two fighters (one not really in the story), and myself, a healer/alchemist.
Early on in the game, after rolling very high in perception, I found a secret room with a chest. That chest contained a decent-sized glass bottle, which I took with me.
Later on, I still had the bottle and our group found a river… beneath a very tall, sheer cliff. We wanted to see if the running liquid was just regular water we could drink, so we needed to send someone down and collect some for us to investigate. As no one wanted to jump down and hurt themselves, our bard had the idea of playing a spell of levitation to lower someone to the “water” so they could scoop some up and then make it back up.

Soren (fighter): I volunteer to go down! Ko (me), give me your bottle!

Me: But I want to go to! I can perfectly handle myself. It's my bottle after all.

DM: Hmm… Well, Soren volunteered first, so we’ll just have him go.

Me: Okay… I just wish I could go. I bet Soren’s gonna fuck up.

Soren: Whatever. *grabs bottle from me, prepared to go down*

Me (mumbling to myself): Why my glass bottle? I liked it…

Bard (whose character name I forgot): I’ll lower him down with my angelic voice and wonderful ukulele! *sings extremely off-key*

DM: That didn’t sound very good. Soren is levitated until about half-way down… and the spell breaks.

Bard and Soren simultaneously: WHAT?

DM: Soren falls into the water, which is full of rocks and drops. Hey Soren, roll to see if you notice them and if you can avoid them.

Soren: *gets horrible rolls*

DM: *chuckling* Soren hits his head on two rocks, falling unconscious. Then, he falls down a drop, and hits another rock. After that, he washes up on a small stone ledge at the water’s edge. He lays there, bleeding out with very little health left, unable to do anything.

Bard: Oh shit, we gotta go save him!

Me: I will! Man, I told you I should’ve gone in the first place!

Shadow (rogue, the little girl): No, I will. I have a weapon!

DM: She jumps down into the water, I guess. Roll to see if you make it through without nearly killing yourself, unlike Soren.

Shadow: *rolls very good*

DM: She makes it down with only a few scratches.

Shadow: What do I do now? How am I supposed to save him?

DM: Umm… well… neither of you have any potions or healing magic, so… Soren’s screwed until someone can come get you.

Bard: You should go down, Ko. They need your help.


*no response*

DM: Roll, like they did.

Me: *rolls nat 20 + 3*

Bard: Y'know, we should’ve sent Ko down in the first place.

Me: OH. MY. GOD.

Me: Well… I swim over to the two people lying on the river bank.

DM: Are you going to heal Soren?

Me (to Soren): Before I heal you, give me my bottle.

DM: He’s unconscious, remember?

Me: Damn. I slap Soren across the face in an attempt to get him to wake up.

DM: He wakes up.


Soren: What?

Me: The bottle I gave you. Wait, no. The bottle you took from me.

Soren: Can you at least heal me first, I’m dying!

Me: No.

Soren: Here, lemme check my pockets, I know I put it in here-

DM: Wait. You did have a pretty bumpy ride… Are you sure the bottle is fully intact?

Soren: What?

DM: It’s in pieces. All throughout the river.

Soren: NO!


DM: Just heal him now.

Me: Fuck you.

Future Guy ;


Let me be real here. I am a girl. I was born a girl. Pero I don’t feel being it. Yes, you have read it right. I’m sure of it. Bata palang talaga, iba na yung pag-sense ko sa mga bagay bagay so I couldn’t say na I chose to be like this kasi una palang sa lahat, hindi ko naman talaga ‘to ginusto at kailanman, hindi ko gugustuhin maging ganto kasi it is so hard not to feel being what you really are and to like someone you can never have. Just the thought of it hurts, just so you know.

I am not complaining. I never complained. Pero I ask God all the time why do I have to feel such things. Am I destined to be like this or what. And also, it is not that I don’t want to be a girl, if there is a chance lang talaga na I could be a guy, I will take the chance kasi deep inside of me, I really want to be one.

I want to be a guy. Gusto ko talaga maging lalaki, at seryoso ako doon. Gusto ko ako yung nanliligaw. Gusto ko ako yung mas nahihirapan. Gusto ko ako yung palaging sumusuyo at nage-effort. Gusto ko magkaron ng chance na masabihan ang isang babae na, “Ipapakilala na kita sa parents ko. At sa ayaw mo man at sa gusto, magpapakilala at magpapakilala narin ako sa parents mo bilang manliligaw mo”. I want to be a guy and if ever na maging lalaki nga ako, I will never ever hurt any girl kasi in the life I have right now, I have so many girl bestfriends who cried in front of me just because of guys who are manlolokos and seeing them like that breaks my heart into million pieces. If only I could be a guy, I would be matino. I will be friends with them parin and will never ever hurt them. I will treat them right and will always remind them their worth. Based on what I have seen and heard, I already have the idea of how much it hurts to be a victim of a heartbreaker. And I don’t want my loved ones to feel how hurting it is. I don’t want to disappoint my parents. And being a heartbreaker will never be cool in my eyes though it looks good in the eyes of the others. I will be a man of God and will always ask our Lord if it is the right thing to do for I will dedicate my life to him. There are lots of things that I really want  to do but I couldn’t do kasi nga babae ako and only guys are allowed to do that. There are lots of kind of pormas I want to have pero hindi ko magawang magkaroon kasi nga babae ako. And it makes me sad na the things that I am longing to do and to have is not just appropriate for me.

Trust me, it sucks every time to see a girl who is so worthy to be treated right but is not for there are lots of guys who are not thinking so hard before doing things and has no concern at any action they do at all, they don’t care if makaka-hurt ba sila or hindi. If only I could be a guy, I would take over those guys’ place and will start treating the girl so right and will make every nanlokong guy realize kung ano sinayang nila.

May mga nanligaw na sakin. And I can say na ang swerte swerte ko sakanila. They are sweet na, mababait pa. Plus they have the looks. Pero hindi ko lang talaga magawang magustuhan sila. I find it very hard to be in love with them. Hindi ako maarte, sadyang hindi ko lang talaga feel makipag-in a relationship kasi bata pa ako and I know they are not the one, I can feel it naman. And besides, iba talaga gusto ko. So ayun, it always ends up on me, thanking them for choosing me dahil sa dinami rami ng babae dito sa mundo, ako pa. And explaining them we just can’t be you know what it is… for so many reasons.

I am not a lesbian. I keep on telling myself. I don’t want to become one and I will never be one. I respect them, all of the LGBTs. And I’m so amazed with the bravery and courage they have for them to be able to face and tell the world what they really are, I salute them. I know how hard it is to be in their place, I pray for them to have the strength to humbly accept all of the possible criticisms the cruel part of the society could possibly throw at them. I know what I want and I know that what I want is not what God wants for me so I have to put all of those things out of the way and start on facing the reality that no matter what I do, I will never have them for they are really not for me. I love God more than I love myself. And I am willing to change everything I have in me just to satisfy him. I live to satisfy him. And I trust in him, I believe he has better plans for me than I have for myself. So all of my plans, all of the things that I really want, siguro next time ko nalang kayo tutuparin. Sa next life ko nalang, kung meron man.

The time came na napagod na ako sa kakaasa sa bagay na alam kong kahit kailan, hindi naman mangyayari so instead of pushing myself harder to those things, I closed my eyes and prayed nalang tutal pagod narin naman ako, mahirap rin magplano ng mga bagay bagay na alam mo sa sarili mo na, kailanman, hinding hindi matutupad. I prayed to God and asked him to have a deal with me na I will turn back to him, and will start walking in the right path with him but in return, he will make every thing be so worth it. There will be no pagsisisi na sana sinunod ko nalang kung ano talaga yung gusto ko instead of doing what is right. And one of the part of the deal is, I, meeting the right guy for me who will make me feel na I did the right choice. I heard no answer but I felt him saying, “I definitely will, baby girl”. And pag nangyari nga talaga yun, which I believe na mangyayari nga. I will let myself be a message to everyone nga talaga.

So for my future guy, I just want you to know how bored I am right now kaya naisipan kong isulat ‘to. When the right time comes, at nakilala na nga kita, I will let you read this:

           Future guy, whoever you are, and whatever kind of person you are… you, yourself, is the answer to all of my questions, you are an answered prayer of mine. I’ve been waiting for you for so long. God and I had a deal. I promised him that I will do what is right and what is appropriate for me, and in return, he will give me a guy, who is you, in the right time. You are my reward. And I can’t wait to meet you for I definitely will take a lot of stolen pictures of you and post it on instagram with the caption of “My reward”. HUHUHU ANG CUTE jk ew.

You are his promise to me. I know every moment that I will take just to stare at you right in the eyes will be all worth it kasi looking at you is also like looking at God’s promise. You are God’s gift. You are a promise that I can see, I can smell and I can touch. Maraming luha na ang pumatak sa mga mata ko bago pa man kita makilala, marami na akong napagdaanan. Marami na ring life lesson ang natutunan ko kaya don’t you worry, hindi ko papasakitin ang ulo mo. I will use all of the lesson I learnt from the past to become a better person.

I am not that much demanding, hindi kita papahirapan. I will not force you to talk to me every minute. Talk to me if you just feel like doing it lang. Pero syempre duh, it’s much better if we will always talk so we’ll know each other more. What I meant is that I wont demand you to send me very sweet and long messages. Tutal I’m not so into that rin naman. Just make sure nalang na lahat ng sasabihin mo, totoo at talagang feel mo sabihin. Maayos man ang pagkakacompose o hindi, okay na ako doon. I will not send you links of other guy profiles too para lang masabi sayo na “sana ganito ka rin huhu, tignan mo ang sweet. gayahin mo sila” kasi I AM NOT THAT KIND OF PERSON. I will not compare other guys to you kasi I know how nakaka-imbyerna it is to be compared. Sinagot kita, at pag sinagot kita, ibig sabihin okay ako at kuntento na sa kung anong meron ka so yep, I don’t have to look at what other guys have kasi super contented na ako sa kung anong meron ka. And besides, you are not a robot. Malaki ka na, kung ano yung mga gusto mong gawin at kung ano yung mga gusto mong sabihin, ayun ang gawin at sabihin mo, hahayaan kita dun; Ayoko ng relationship na scripted. Madali naman ako maka-appreciate ng mga bagay bagay so don’t pressure yourself so much in making me happy. Just have the will to make me happy, magiging masaya na ako.

I am not that strict. Hindi naman ako ganon ka-KJ. I will not tell you what to do’s. I will let you live your life pero expect na I will stop you from doing things na alam kong hindi good for you. From the time na maging tayo, responsibility na rin kita. So there, I have to make sure na my other half is doing just fine and is away from all of the harms that he could possibly have. I will not put so much bakod on you rin. I will let you go out with your squad pero I will remind you all the time to always know your limits. If ever na mag-cheat ka well then, okay. I know God will make a way para malayo ako sa cheaters like you so bye, you’ll lose me na forever. Enjoy life without me nalang kasi ako, I definitely will enjoy my life with or without you.

I know na there will be cases na mahihirapan tayo. Mapapatanong to ourselves if keri pa ba or deins. Pero please, let’s be strong. Let’s put God in the center of the both of us para kahit anong challenges pa yan, makaya natin pareho. Pero I will let you know this: if you wanna go, I will not beg you to stay. I will just simply ask you if there are still ways for me to make you stay and if there is none, fine. I will respect what you want and will let you go. If you need time and space lang for you to be able to think and see things clearer, I will also give you what you want. And if in case na ayaw mo na nga talaga, well, okay. It will make me sad. It will give me so much pain. But it will never make me beg just for you to stay. It is not me, not wanting you so much but it is me, who knows self worth and is aware that I don’t deserve someone who doesn’t truly love me and don’t see my true worth for him to just leave like that. Maybe you’re not the right guy for me, and di rin ako yung para sa’yo. Maybe we are not for each other, you probably deserve someone better so panigurado, ako rin.

I promise to always be the most understanding person I could ever be. I will never let you feel alone. And on us, there will be no feminism. Everything will be equal. Kapag mali ako, mali ako. At kapag mali ka, patay ka sakin jk haha. I will be the girl na I want to have pag naging lalaki ako. I will be the girl na magpapakita sa lahat ng nang-basted sa’yo kung ano yung sinayang nila. I will also show you na hindi ka nagkamali na sa dinami rami ng babae sa mundo, ako yung niligawan mo. We will study hard together. Ipapasa natin lahat ng exams natin and we will show to our parents na what we have will never be a great distraction in achieving our goals and reaching our dreams but a great another motivator para maabot ang mga bagay na pinapangarap natin. I will help you to see light in your dark days. And will never be one of the people who criticizes you. I will always make you realize how good you are as a person even though you commit mistakes sometimes. Hindi lang naman dapat puro babae ang ma-treat ng right sa relationship, hindi ba. You guys have feelings too. Alam ko na gusto nyo rin yung naa-appreciate kayo at nat-trato ng maayos dapat hindi lang puro kaming mga babae. Kaya here I go, mi amore. We will see and feel life together. We will worship him together. I will always be by your side, ready to listen how in love you are to your girl celebrity crush and by that, mai-in love narin ako sakanya huhu jk babae na talaga ako. Please be ready ha for we will have a lot of adventures together. G lang ako sa lahat. Magh-hiking tayo then pag nasa tuktok na, maghuhulugan tayo para cool. Tapos isa satin mahuhulog at mababagok, mababalita tayo sa tv patrol at mab-bash tayo sa internet, oh diba ang cool nga.

Hindi ako nagmamadali. So there you go, take your time. Enjoy your youth. Pero I hope you know your limits. I hope you’re aware of everything that you are doing. Sana behave ka lang. I also hope you’re a good boy pero if not, okay lang wait for me nalang kasi I will make you one sa ayaw mo man at sa gusto hahahahah charing. See you soon! Sana wag muna kita makilala ngayon kasi aaral muna ako. Mahirap mag-ipon ng pang-hiking pag galing lang sa allowance yung money so next time na talaga pag may work na HAHA. STUDY HARD OKAY! I am making myself the right person na while waiting for you, my right one. I hope, you too. Ingat sa mga batang nakaputi ha, nagunguha sila ng van, pagala gala sila ngayon.

// Hindi ako hopeless romantic. Hindi ako nage-expect na mala-wattpad kind of guy ka, hindi ako ganon (I’m not a wattpad reader anyway). Hindi ako yung tipo ng tao na humihiling na magkaron ng mala-bad boy yung datingan pero good inside or yung tipo ng tao na gusto nung mga taong every minute kung mag-long message sakanya tapos pag hindi ka nag-reply in just 15 seconds, magagalit na, hindi ako ganon. Hindi rin ako humihiling ng kasing gwapings ni Kym Vergara or Angelo Upshur though ang pogi talaga nila ahaha. Poging boyfriend is kadalasang sakit sa ulo so… yun. Ang gusto ko lang is yung taong may sense. Christ centered. Malakas sense of humor. Maganda yung mindset sa buhay. Family Oriented. At yung may pangarap sa buhay, ahehe.

((photo is super dating dati pa. napag-tripan lang namin ng other girl friends ko na mag-picture na mukang lalaki ahaha because we’re curious how we’ll look like))