anonymous asked:

hi! this is a bit of a strange question but i was wondering: how do you deal with fandom frustration? when you love fandom content but frequently feel frustrated by a large portion of the fan base? i'm a fandom baby in a lot of ways and sometimes though i feel like a jerk, it's so hard not to let other people overpower my experience. i love hearing your thoughts on everything in general, but. if you have the time i'd love to hear your thoughts on this as well. hope you have a nice day. :)

hmm! this is a great question and one I’m not 100% sure of how to answer, because for the most part I have had very positive fandom experiences. but when it comes to making your fandom experience as relaxed & fun as possible, here are my tips:

1) accept right now and forever that everyone does fandom differently, and everyone is in fandom for different reasons and to get different things out of it. it doesn’t matter if people don’t ship what you ship. it doesn’t matter if they write stories of which the summary makes you recoil in horror. they are not doing this at you. accept that you are going to do you, and everyone else is going to do themselves, and unless their shit spills over into your personal space (see point 3)) then there is literally no point in trying to control the fannish experience that anyone else is having. fandom’s a large space! there’s room for everyone! 

so the thing to do is:

2) CURATE YOUR FANNISH EXPERIENCE. I’ve been doing this since ye olde days of livejournal and do it even more intensely now. essentially: find the people you like, and the parts of fandom you like, and carve out your own corners where you can hang with like-minded people. you don’t have to be right in the thick of it, reading everything, interacting with everything and everyone. you don’t have to track all the tags which are crammed full of stuff that annoys you. you can take it slowly, and be discerning.

if you want to read meta, find the people who write it and follow them. ditto art. learn to embrace ao3’s excellent search function, and to use a tumblr blacklist. if you want to read fic and are bemoaning the fact that none of it is quite what you want: write your own! enthuse about your ideas on tumblr! leave prompts on kinkmemes! befriend some writers! I have to admit I am still pretty lost when it comes making friends on tumblr because the etiquette is bizarre and variable, but hey: the messaging system exists, askboxes exist, comments on ao3 exist. sure, different people have different levels of openness to making new bosom friends, but nobody minds being engaged. we’re in fandom to be fannish, together. 

3) if people are being jerks in your space, block ‘em. ignore ‘em. delete ‘em. I am not even remotely internet famous enough to be at risk of being deluged by trolls, but on the rare occasions that I’ve engaged in good faith and subsequently decided that I was being concern-trolled, I’ve noped cheerfully out of there. the few accusatory or unpleasant anon (because they’re always anon!) messages that have landed in my inbox, I’ve deleted without batting an eye. sometimes I share it with a friend via chat or email and we have a laugh about it, and that helps settle any residual hurt or irritation that I might feel. I’m a grown fucking woman. I keep a calm sympathetic face while being shouted at, cried on, confided in, manipulated, and projected onto, for a living. and I have zero qualms about policing the boundaries of the spaces I’ve carved out for myself–the fun, creative, relaxing, incredible places–in fandom.

4) manage your entitlement. just remind yourself every so often that nobody owes you the next chapter of that story, or the exact piece of art you want to see, or the paragraph-long comment, or the attention you crave, or the whole-hearted agreement you seek. remember that everyone has their own lives, and you’re never seeing the full picture. be gracious. be kind. try to resist the urge to snipe and snark and finger-point and complain in public; I enjoy a bit of fandom bitching as much as the next person, but I inflict it all on my friends, in chat.

5) the flipside of this is: show appreciation of the things you like. comment on that story. reblog that art with a furious tag spiral of capslock (creators LOVE tag spirals). put together a rec list–this is also a great way to show people what kind of things you like, so people who share your tastes know who to gravitate towards.

if you are frequently frustrated by a large portion of the fanbase, anon, then ask yourself: are you reading the comments? ie. are you making yourself engage with parts of fandom where people have THE WRONG OPINIONS and are writing your beloved characters THE WRONG WAY? if so: just scroll past. don’t read it. unless you really enjoy an argument, don’t feel obliged to reblog it with a detailed explanation of why they’re wrong: you’re gonna frustrate yourself and, yes, maybe end up looking like a jerk. just shrug and move on. maybe this isn’t the corner for you.

I have been following my own advice in this regard for almost 14 years. I’ve kept a handful of enduring and awesome friends from most of the major fandoms I’ve been part of, and I’m still making new ones, and I’ve (mostly) managed to avoid wank. I write what I like, and I read what I like, and I try to communicate generously and enthusiastically with people who are creating the things that I enjoy.

tl;dr - seek out the things that make you feel good, and follow them. weed out the things that make you feel bad, and ignore them. it’s fandom. it can be as serious or unserious as you like, but it IS supposed to be fun.

myth-or-echo  asked:

I see you answering a lot of angry asks lately. I somehow missed the controversy they're talking about, but from your responses to the angry asks I just wanted to say it sounds like you're doing a good job learning from it, and also I'm glad to see you're back. You're hilarious. And I missed your corgi.

I get a ton of nice messages. Many more than the negative ones. However answering the nice ones publicly often seems boring or less compelling so I try to just respond to those privately as my energy allows. I don’t want people to get the idea that all I get are negative messages constantly. Sorry if anyone got that impression. 

I tend to air out the negative ones because it helps me deal with them. I can respond, publish, and after it is sent out into the world I get a sort of catharsis. The content of the message no longer festers inside me, creating a toxic mix of emotions that end up exacerbating my depression. This works for me, but it may not have the same effect on others. I’ve had one artist friend completely give up on tumblr because she couldn’t find an effective way to drown out the loud minority. And that makes me sad, but I respect her decision. 

I’ve made 2 major snafus in my tumblr career. 

A few years ago I was trying to explain how it’s hard for women to escape being harassed. It follows them around like a dark cloud. My best friend and I had discussed it shortly before and her stories of day to day life constantly dealing with unwanted attention from men really opened my eyes. But when speaking about it I got a little carried away. In a moment of sheer stupidity I ended up victim blaming a young man who shared his experience. I knew it was wrong the moment I hit publish and in a panic I tried to delete what I had said. Someone had screencapped it though, and there was no way to undo what I had said. 

I shouldn’t have deleted it in the first place. I should have owned up to it right away and apologized on the spot. I did my best to apologize to the young man. I publicly apologized to everyone as best I could. And I vowed to never victim blame any gender ever again. A promise I feel like I have kept. But it made some people pretty mad and even years later I guess they check my tumblr and send me messages telling me how terrible I am. I do wish we could move past this and come to some sort of resolution, but if them sending me angry messages once a year is my punishment, so be it. It’s really not that awful considering the stupid thing I said. I do think people who say I deserve to be sick and they are glad I am stuck in a bed take it too far. I wouldn’t wish my medical situation on anyone. 

My other mistake I feel was more of a misunderstanding. You might have heard of the famous M&M’s quote that got passed around like wildfire. It was a short blurb from a much longer post that someone turned into a graphic and published without any context. It made it seem like I told women to think of all men as monsters. My intention was actually to inform men that many women feel in order to be safe, they have to think of all men as dangerous in order to protect themselves. I didn’t say this was right or wrong. I just implied that this was a thing that was happening, largely due to a growing toxic rape culture. Women in my life would tell me they grip their keys between their fingers as they walked to their car at night. If a man approached they might try walking on the other side of the street. They would be super careful about their drinks in bars. Stuff like that. Should women fear all men by default in order to feel safe? I understand why some might, but I never really said that was the preferred solution to this problem. I just said it was happening as we speak and maybe we should deal with it. It was a complicated topic that was boiled down into a TL;DR of disastrous proportions. 

To make matters worse, my out of context quote was then changed to Skittles and the GOP used it to encourage people to fear muslims. People got SUPER angry at me then. That’s when the death threats started pouring in. People wishing I was dead. Telling me if I never existed then people wouldn’t fear muslims as much. Which I feel is probably a bit overboard. The GOP has no problems making idiots fear muslims. My little quote was not that integral to their “fear muslims” strategy. 

That’s a hard one to apologize for. While I am sorry it was perverted to do bad things, I’m not sure how much of that is my fault. I think having a discussion on the topic I originally spoke of was important, but I’m not sure the fallout from what happened was worth it. I suppose I just wish people could hate me for that without telling me I deserve to be sick or that I should die or that I should never have existed. 

PSA: Stop demonizing all white people straight people and men on tumblr

This is gonna be long. And if anyone’s reading this you’re probably gonna get mad (but if the shoe doesn’t fit you really don’t have to be) but what I’m trying to say is actually really simple.

Stop demonizing all white people. Stop demonizing all straight people. Stop demonizing all men.

When I started tumblr last year I was under the impression that the people on this website for the most part pride themselves on being unconditionally loving, accepting, and in the pursuit of a more peaceful society. But slowly and more frequently I started to see more and more posts like this:

Exterminate all the straights

Stop dating white people

White people need to shut up

Men are disgusting

Straight people need to die

These are actual things I’ve seen actual people say on tumblr. Even more alarming than this alone, these types of comments typically get a lot of support from other people. And I can’t understand why some of the same people who are posting about feminism, Black Lives Matter, and lgbtq+ issues can turn around and post such hateful things to another group of human beings.

It seems to me that, not only is spreading this blind hate doing absolutely nothing to help the world become a better place for minority groups, but it is completely hypocritical and counterproductive.

The easiest thing for me to do is use myself as an example. I’m black in America. And I do not hate all white people nor make broad assumptions about them. This is because, while there are many white people who have and still are contributing to the maltreatment of my people, I’m fully aware that not all white people are bad. 

I’m also fully aware that there are people out there who hate me just because I’m black. There are people out there who want me dead just because I’m black. There are people out there who will make negative assumptions about me based on the sole fact that I am a black girl. 

But you know what? I don’t hate all white people anyway. Because hating all white people is no better than someone hating me because I’m black. 

Making hateful comments toward a group of people just because they belong to said group is never acceptable. It’s discrimination. And it’s no better than what a lot of men, straight people, and white people are saying about you.

If anyone’s reading this and they saw my example, they’d probably say to themselves ‘It sounds like himitsuno is trying to make an argument for reverse racism.’ But the definition of racism was never confined to one route. Racism is not a one way street. Hispanics who discriminate against black people are racists. Black people who discriminate against other black people are racists. If you’re discriminating against anyone for the color of their skin alone you are a racist. Period, no fine print necessary. 

You’re not excluded from the fundamental definition of racism just because you’re part of a minority group. And likewise, making hate comments toward straight people/men/white people is not acceptable just because they are the majority. You can’t advocate for love and acceptance while simultaneously slandering a separate subgroup of human beings. 

If you want to live in a more loving society you should behave as such. Because if you’re hating other people for belonging to a certain group, then you are ideologically no better than the same people you’re against.

There’s a mob mentality here on tumblr where if anyone says something defending these majority groups they are automatically evil. I never thought that, on a site as progressive as tumblr is supposed to be, saying that white people straight people and men should still be treated with respect would be something anger provoking.

This isn’t high school. Stop bullying people just because you think you can.

the signs according to ME, based on what I've absorbed from tumblr even though I don't pay attention to 75% of the zodiac and might not be able to even name them all from memory
  • taurus: the impression I get is they're similar to aries in that they’re angry and stubborn? but the difference is that while aries will clock you in the jaw, taurus will hold a grudge for the rest of your born days. your born days, not theirs, because they’re going to outlive you out of spite
  • gemini: is what I think comes next? anyway apparently geminis are very social and bubbly and they're people persons (people people?), but also they’re supposed to be all two-faced and gossipy, because twins. which is very mean to say about twins.
  • cancer: no offense to anyone who is a cancer, but my Least Favorite Human that I've ever met is a cancer, so my perception is tainted. cancers cry a lot. all the time. about everything.
  • leo: you know, I honestly don't know what is associated with leo, besides... lion. so therefore, leos are brave. you might belong in august, where dwell the brave of heart. their daring, nerve, and chivalry set leos apart. congrats you're gryffindor now
  • virgo: or is it libra comes first? I think it's virgo. um, anyway, virgo is my moon sign. I respect virgo. the general sense I get is that they're very... anal and particular and organized? their lists are color-coded and have subheadings?
  • libra: or possibly virgo, depending on whether or not I switched the order. BUT YEAH SO, LIBRA, SCALES. ALL ABOUT THAT FAIRNESS AND JUSTICE. common room is next to the kitchen.
  • scorpio: uuuuuuuGHHHHHHHHHHHH I'M SO FED UPPPPPPP I am a scorpio but I don't WANNA BE a scorpio I'm so TIRED of everything being nothing but femme fatale tropes and byronic hero nonsense I'M NOT MYSTERIOUS!!! are people even mysterious in real life? also please stop talking about how sexually charged and passionate I am. please don't do this. you're making this uncomfortable for everyone and I wanna exchange my sign for something else
  • sagittarius: the sense I get is that sagittarius is best personified by a weird kid at summer camp who hardcore believes in aliens and whose knees are full of band-aids
  • capricorn: does capricorn come next? I don't honestly even know. I don't know anything about capricorns. they're represented by a goat though, so that automatically makes them better than every other sign. A MERMAID GOAT, NO LESS. listen, idk what capricorns are like, but I'm trading my star sign. I WANNA BE A MERMAID GOAT. I WANNA BE A MERMAID GOAT MORE THAN ANYTHING.
  • aquarius: the only thing I know about aquarius is that song in Hair
  • pisces: fish. has lots of emotions, but is pretty chill and creative? bunks with sagittarius at summer camp, but personally prefers cryptids to aliens

jannock-jess  asked:

Tumblr Mom, I keep seeing posts about Hunger Pangs and I'm so torn because, I'm like super ace and don't have any interest in erotica??? But I am super interested in your writing and the characters and the plot?? So I guess my question is what is your rough estimate of what the plot-to-sexytimes ratio is going to be? (I'll probably wind up buying it either way just because I love your writing lol)

oh! Oh you don’t know! I’m also writing the book without smut for those who don’t want to read that :)

It will likely come out a few months after the initial book comes out because well, I am not just printing the book sans sex scenes, I’m replacing them with what I suppose in fanfic would be termed “missing moments” so all the soft fluff and character moments authors get told to cut out of their work because it bogs down the narrative.

It’s still quite heavy on displays of physical affection, but there’s no actual sex and the scenes that would normally lead up to sex have been changed to reflect that. So much less handsy in the sense of “I can’t keep my hands off you, I must have you!” and more “why can’t I stop touching this idiot, look how cute they are, oh gosh their hair is doing the thing, I can’t believe I’m spending eternity with this asshole, I love them.”

It’s been a lot of fun to do in tandem and I hope it will be just as much enjoyed.

But to answer your question, the erotica version of the manuscript is very heavy on sex scenes, I’m not sure how many but there’s entire chapters dedicated to just scenes. I have been told however by some friends who also identify as ace that they don’t mind the sex scenes because I tend to write heavily toward the emotional side of things, and they’re able to enjoy the very obvious love and care the characters have for each other. Even if one of them is tied up.

So, for whatever that’s worth, thank you for being interested in my work. I really, god, really hope it lives up to expectations, I’m so nervous you have no idea.

12x14 watching notes

this show normally never makes me cry except that 1 episode in season 7, but god dammit Berens got me TWICE I’m disowning him

Keep reading

elennemigo  asked:

I'm not good at thinking prompts, so here's your first sentence: "What do you want me to say!?" hehe Thank you!

As later requested by message, this has an argument, angst, and (sort of) confession! And since it’s kind of hard to be super clear with only 5 sentences, I’ll just explain up front that this is supposed to be set post TLD. ❤️ 

“What do you want me to say?!” Sherlock asked desperately.

Molly laughing humorlessly on his couch, clutched the throw blanket around her bare chest in the early morning light. “That it meant something! I mean, my God, if I’ve just spent the night with a newly recovering drug addict who can barely forgive himself for even being alive, at the very least I’d like to think that I wasn’t the only idiot who felt something!”

“I can’t say any of the things you want me to!” he growled, raking fingers through his hair in frustration. 

Molly gaped in horror, but before she could say anything else, he sighed and crossing the room to join her on the couch again and cradle her face as if he were holding on for dear life. 

“I can’t because what this meant and what I felt,” he explained carefully while watching the tears pool in her sweet brown eyes, “are words I am simply…not ready to speak.”

Bullying in Social Justice

All uses of “you” and “they” are general. It took me 8 tries to say everything without going nonverbal in the middle because I’m terrified of the reaction this will get. But it really needs to be said and I tried to state it in as mature a form as possible. 

Nothing about this post is tone policing nor is it calling all SJW’s hypocrites. It’s only speaking to people who use social justice to be hateful and spiteful.

* * * TW for brief mention of suicide baiting behavior in a hypothetical sense. * * *


* * * Before you get all “shut up, white girl, you’re not a minority” at me: yes I am. I’m autistic. I deal with ableism a lot. I am not an anti-SJW nor do I have a problem with social justice warriors who bring issues to light to help educate people about them. It’s possible to be angry and fight oppression without using the same cruel behavior and bigotry we fight against. The worst thing you can do when fighting your enemy is to become them.  * * *


“Social justice is not a platform or a justification for bullying.

Social justice is supposed to be about bringing issues to light that may not normally get any attention at all, so when you go attacking somebody for saying a word that you think is one of the -isms or -phobias or discrimination, and you don’t educate them, you’re not doing anything but being a bully.

When you pull from someone’s Twitter– like a tweet from five years ago– and use that to justify calling them out and just basically trying to turn a community against them, you’re being a bully.

Because, sometimes, people who made a really bad tweet five years ago learned from it and got better and don’t do that anymore, but that crap is going to follow them if you keep digging it up. Now if they’re going around still being offensive, that’s one thing. Yeah, bring it to people’s attention that this person is toxic.

But, if they’ve changed– if it’s like me– I have got an internet web trail of crap behind me from pre-2012 all the way to 1997, maybe. There’s dirt where I was a complete tool, but I learned from it and I’ve changed. And by the time I joined Tumblr, I’ve probably built up kind of a somewhat "good reputation”.

But social justice warriors hold you to this standard of perfection that’s impossible, and I see them assume bad faith in everything, and they see offense in everything, and it bothers me. They’re trying to fight oppression and all that, and that’s great, but when your ‘fighting oppression’ involves telling people to kill themselves because they made a joke that came out wrong and they didn’t mean it to, or if they (social justice warriors) assume that somebody who uses a word they don’t realize is a slur is a -phobic or an -ist or discriminatory, nobody learns anything.

So, social justice is not a platform or justification for bullying, but I see it all the time. And when I see that, I don’t see social justice warriors– which I am one, you know. I do believe in social justice, but not to the point of, like, everything is offensive.

But when I see social justice warriors out there bullying and calling it social justice, all I see is hypocrisy.“

I’m so terrified of the hate this might incite from people, but I had to express what I have seen going on around the web for the past 3 years since I joined Tumblr. 

I don’t pretend I’m a perfect angel who hasn’t made mistakes, because I’ve got some fancy shmancy screw-ups myself and I learned from them. 

I have a lot of respect for people who have to put up with and face oppression every day. You have a right to be angry. Anger is allowed and should be felt, but use it wisely to further your cause.

All I can really say is you might want to step back and take inventory on yourself if you find this post hits a nerve.

anointedqueendale  asked:

I love the Abe and Akashi bond as well as Ren and Akashi. I just want to see more of their interaction, because you just do it so well! If you could write some about them or even just Rakuzan and Akashi, because they are always a delight, I'd just die. Also you are definitely the reason I ship KiKasa. <3

Between school and baseball practice, Abe and Mihashi don’t really have a lot of time to go on dates. Which is really OK since they spend about 70% of their time together anyway (the remaining 30% being when they are in their separate classes and their brief hours of sleep between training and classes). It didn’t even really occur to Abe that dates were things that needed to happen until the other members of the baseball club started ragging on him for being a crappy boyfriend.

“Of course you have to go on dates! It’s called dating isn’t it?” Sakaeguchi asks

“I bet Abe doesn’t know how,” Mizutani says.

“Shut up, we never have the time!” Abe insists. “Hanai, back me up here, do you go on dates?”

“No, we, err—” Hanai starts.

“We make out a lot between classes and after practice, mostly in the locker rooms!” Tajima says cheerfully, slapping Hanai on the back.

Hanai turns red and then most of the team switches to ragging on him, leaving Abe to wonder if maybe he’s going about his relationship the wrong way.


So somewhere down the line, the double dates start to happen, and it’s really the only time they get the chance to actually date, in the conventional sense of the word, with outings in public and food and various other couple related activities. And Abe considers this to be a win all around, because Mihashi likes seeing Furihata, and Akashi tends to pay for everything when they’re all together, and this way Abe doesn’t have to put too much thought into what exactly couples are supposed to do because Akashi had already made all the plans.

The downside to the double dates, is that sometimes Mihashi starts talking to Furihata and sometimes their talking takes up the majority of the date, to the point where sometimes Abe feels like they are on a double date, but Abe is not Mihashi’s date.

Which leaves some kind of disturbing implications about who is Abe’s date.


Since they’re often thrown together when Mihashi and Furihata start talking, Abe ends up sitting awkwardly next to Akashi Seijuurou a lot. They don’t usually talk a whole lot, and that’s not terrible, Abe doesn’t mind the not talking and he doesn’t think Akashi does either.

Seeing Furihata and Mihashi together, he sometimes wonders if he’s doing things wrong. Because Mihashi doesn’t talk as easily and cheerfully with him, and it’s the unsettling sort of feeling he gets sometimes still when Mihashi talks to Tajima, or Sakaeguchi. It’s not jealousy exactly, but the unshakeable feeling that he’s still not getting it right.

“Do you,” Abe starts, wondering if it’s a pointless question but feeling like maybe it needs to be asked, “Do you ever think that maybe Furihata would be better off with someone who understood him better?”

As soon as he asks the question he knows it’s dumb. Akashi doesn’t strike him as the kind of person who would be insecure about things like that. And really, he should have just said, I sometimes think Mihashi would be better off with someone who understood him better, because that’s what he really meant.

But Akashi surprises him.

“Yes, all the time.”

Abe has to stare at him disbelievingly for about ten seconds because he said that which such declarative confidence that it makes it really hard to believe him.

“I am not human,” Akashi clarifies, “I did not have a normal childhood. I have often thought many times that Furihata might be better off with someone who relates to him better than it is possible for me to ever understand. But in the end, I am confident that I want what is absolutely the best for Furihata, and that no one could ever want that as much as I do, so in the end that means I am best for Furihata.”

Abe thinks through this logic and then nods. Yes, that’s it. He doesn’t always understand Mihashi, but no one could possibly think more about Mihashi’s well-being than he does, so that’s fine.

A/N: Hahaha, Abe and Akashi definitely win the prize for “most random and unexpected bros” in this entire series. I really would not have pegged those two to be friends, but it’s a lot of fun! Thank you, @anointedqueendale (sorry you had to wait so long! Glad you also like KiKasa!) and @yasdnil69 for indulging me on this strange broship I have created!

Carisi-centric thoughts on Ep 19x06

I’m here! So sorry for posting this late, this week got away from me!

(also, I’ve spent quite a bit of time writing my 19x06 episode tag, because I gotta strike while the iron’s hot! :D)

(also also, I’ll reply to your comments and asks tomorrow because I’m wiped out and I need to sleep! I’m so so sorry, I remain the worst when it comes to time management)

Overall Thoughts

This episode was very promising, with a relatively fresh case, but the execution was somewhat choppy. It started off well, with that tour of the rehab facility that was clearly too good to be true, but in a wonderfully unsettling way, as opposed to an obvious SVU way (if that makes sense), and all the solid guest stars really gave life to the stilted lines.

I was also very pleasantly surprised by the insurance angle, because it was an interesting twist on the usual motive. Instead of a perverted sicko who exploits young girls, we had a money-hungry monster who both exploited young girls and knew how to game the system. Plus, we also got a different kind of abuse of special victims which wasn’t exclusively physical/sexual.

But then the case was resolved via murder. Poetic justice, one might say, but I would call it “a cop-out, the one time Barba would have something fun to do in court”. Mentioning the RICO charges and the Romeo & Juliet laws vis-à-vis coersion was almost annoying. Why bring up multiple interesting legal topics and then do nothing with any of them?

That said, I liked the episode overall. I wish the case had been better explored, and it did get a little too convoluted by the end, but it was different enough that it kept my interest.

The Rolivia Corner

I love their new dynamic. I don’t love how Amanda’s new job is to constantly trail after Liv and ask “are you okay?” (at least not without Liv reciprocating, once in a while), but I love this new trust between them. In the previous seasons, if Amanda pulled a stunt like this, Liv would be like “next time I’ll have your badge”. This time, Liv was more appropriately mad as a superior, but she didn’t hold it against Amanda. But I did laugh when they made it seem like Liv just invented the concept of “inevitable discovery” to legitimize evidence which was illegally gathered. Like we haven’t seen this on every other procedural ever (including SVU itself).

But seriously, I do love seeing Liv confiding in a friend. That said, “addicted pregnant woman” is a subject which could have also resonated with Amanda. She was a gambling addict and she got pregnant and she turned her life around. Is Amanda even still a mother? I mean, as Liv and Amanda bond, maybe they could also talk about Jesse (or Queen Kim!), not just Noah and Liv’s issues with the new grandmother.

Sonny and Continuity

Sonny’s still Catholic! Jesus yay! And he still looks amazing in blue!

The Barisi Corner

I will never not love watching Barba tease Sonny. There’s a hilarious resignation there, almost like Barba feels compelled to do it, because it’s their thing. And we also got Classic Carisi, looking up to Barba and idolizing him and thinking Barba can pull a rabbit out of his hat.

That said, and as funny as “what are you, a bat?” was (AN INSTANT CLASSIC, AND A WORTHY ADDITION TO THE BARISI HALL OF FAME, RIGHT NEXT TO ‘BOOYAH, FORDHAM LAW’ AND OMG I LOVe them ok I’ll stop), I don’t know if that moment was a nod to continuity, or if it was just the writers not knowing how to advance the Barisi relationship and going back to the basics.

Then again, the basics are pretty fun :D

Either way, I’m glad were getting the classic “Barba and Carisi have a special relationship” dynamic again. Barba doesn’t tease anybody else, and Sonny doesn’t kiss anybody else’s ass. That’s something they share, something that’s unique to their relationship. Barba has moved on from being the snarky sidekick, maturing to a more mellow individual, except when it comes to teasing Sonny like he’s doing a standup routine, looking for the next joke. And Sonny has moved on from being the green rookie, maturing to a more confident individual, except when it comes to kissing Barba’s ass like he’s still an eager law student, bringing his professor an apple. That’s the one thing that hasn’t changed about them, even as everything else has.

Also, on a meta level, I always felt the Barba/Carisi (platonic) interactions have significantly stood out from all the other dynamics on SVU, just because of the broader humor and their natural rapport. Sonny is more developed, so he has relatively well-drawn individual relationships with pretty much all the other characters, but Barba doesn’t have that with any other character except Liv. The Barba/Carisi dynamic allows us to see a different side to Barba, and Sonny specifically is the reason. That’s the only time Barba is allowed to be fun, when he’s with Sonny or talking about Sonny. I think we need to see that, as viewers, as opposed to just watching a sweet, sad, supportive Barba in BFF mode, weeping as Liv talks about her problems.

Sonny is the only character who brings out Barba’s sass well-naturedly (well he and Rita who’s Rita?). Usually Barba directs his sass at the perps or the defense attorneys, and there’s a bite there. But when Barba teases Sonny, there’s a fondness there, and that’s sweet to watch.

Also, as always, Peter and Raul are hilarious, individually and together, and every single of their interactions is gold. Sonny’s “what?” face was the highlight of the entire episode.*


Stray Thoughts

Lux? Are the SVU writers watching Lucifer, like I am? Can they look for some pointers on how to write a good show? :D

Must Liv be physically present at every crime scene? Even when it’s not even the primary crime scene, and it’s just a dead body somebody ditched randomly? Why use that contrivance to have her leave Noah in the middle of the night? Liv, girl, you’re a Lieutenant! That’s exactly the sort of stuff you’re supposed to leave behind when you get promoted!

I liked the Narcotics guy. He had flair. And I also liked his rapport with Fin. I kinda wished we were watching that show. Fin working Narcotics with this dude who had an actual personality, busting perps on the street. That scene, and the scene where they caught the first dealer, they sparked (because of Fin). The rest… not so much.

Brooke Shields and Mariska Hargitay are both so gorgeous and compelling. I wish their scenes were less tedious, because they’re actually doing some nice acting.

Sonny’s face after Liv’s “I’m the bitch” speech? Same.

I was that girl asking Sonny “where do you live, in a hole?” Like, for all we know, that’s exactly where Sonny lives.

Did that social worker say “the software’s a little glitchy” and then go on to smack the mouse against the desk? I love SVU.

Liv: “Was someone else raped?

Amanda: “Do the insurance companies count?”

me: fuck no

*wait I lied. Best part of the entire episode was Ice-T hearing the rehab guy’s bullshit and saying “That’s beautiful!”

What’s My Line?

The Definition of Reality Series, pt 3 (ao3)

pt 1, The Legend of Kent Parson’s Sex Hair (tumblr) (ao3)

pt 2, You’re My Open Road (tumblr) (ao3)

Four months after the road trip, Swoops and Kent are having a last hurrah in Kent’s bed before preseason starts and they have to start sneaking around again.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hey I'm re-submitting this with Akashi, Midorima, Kuroko, Himuro and Kagami being looked after by their s/o when they're ill. (I'm so sorry about last time my tumblr glitched and said your ask box was still open gomennasai *covers face*)

Lol you’re okay anon! I’m glad you could catch the box when it was open ^^ but I do think it might’ve been my fault as well because I sometimes forget to change both the ask box message as well as in my blog. Anyways, here you go! And, as always, I must apologize for being so late >.<

Kuroko Tetsuya - Kuroko was sound asleep when you walked into the room. The poor boy was coughing up a storm when you left earlier to go prepare some soup for him. You walked up to his bedside and sat down next to him, holding onto his warm hand.

“Please get better soon, Kuroko…” you whispered to him.

Kuroko shifted in his bed, letting out very soft noises. His eyes and cheeks twitched briefly until he settled down.

“_______….” he said, half asleep and half awake. He coughed a couple of times.

“Yes, Kuroko…?” you asked, leaning forward.

“…it’s cold without you,” he said with a troubled expression.

You frowned, contemplating what to do with that statement. You sighed and got up, walked around the bed to the side that was vacant, and slipped inside the covers. You knew this was a bad idea because he was extremely sick but Kuroko’s vulnerable and concerned expression when he said that made your heart melt.

Kuroko turned, his eyes fluttering open slightly in order to locate where you were, and he put his arm on your waist, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

“Thank you.”

Kagami Taiga - “Say ahhh…” you gestured to Kagami while holding the thermometer. He looked at you with your mouth open for sake of demonstration, and reluctantly opened his own. You placed the thermometer underneath his tongue and then ruffled his hair. “Good boy.”

Kagami scowled at your actions. “Why are you treating me like a child?”

“Because you look just as vulnerable as any child right now~” You cooed, smiling brightly at him.

When the thermometer beeped, you took it out of his mouth and looked at the temperature, frowning. “You’re heating up…” You pulled off his blankets, surprising him. Your hands went to the buttons on his shirt and began to undo them.

“What they hell are you doing?!” A very flustered Kagami yelled at you.

“You’re dressed to the toe with such a high fever…you need to cool down a bit,” you said as you unbuttoned the last button and pulled apart his shirt, gazing down on his sweat-glistening abdomen and chest. “Oh wow, this is actually more erotic than I had anticipated…”

“T-That’s why-” Kagami pulled the blanket over him again, “you shouldn’t do things like that! Just because I’m sick doesn’t mean you can do whatever the heck you want with me!”

You frowned and got up from the side of his bed. “Oh really? Then let’s see how you manage to take care of yourself alone.” You walked out of his room and shut the door behind you, just to spite him. Kagami, thinking you were joking, pouted to himself. However, when you hadn’t come back after five minutes, he grew uncomfortable.


Midorima Shintarou - “Shintarou!” you yelled at the green-haired boy when you saw him up out of bed and watching the TV from inside the kitchen. “What are you doing here?!”

Midorima sniffled and pushed his glasses upwards, attempting to ignore you. When you yelled his name out once more, he sighed. “Can’t you see? Oha-asa is broadcasting today’s fortunes.”

You walked up to him and whacked his arm with a book. “You’re supposed to be in bed getting rest. You’re sick, remember?”

Midorima scowled and turned away from your angry face. “I’ve told you already, _____-chan. I am not sick. At least, not enough to disable me to a bed. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must go out and buy clothespins,” Midorima said as he viewed his lucky item on the screen.

When Midorima began to walk away from you, you grabbed his arm, causing him to jerk backwards. He glared at you. “You’re not leaving this house. No. Not until you’re better.”

“For the last time, _____-chan, I’m not sic-” On cue, he sneezed twice in a row. You raised an eyebrow at him with an amused look on your face. “That is insufficient evidence to say I am si-” He sneezed again.

You pulled on his arm. He stumbled the first few steps but then reluctantly followed you. “I’ll go out and get you whatever the hell it is you want but you have to promise me you’ll stay in bed, alright?”

Midorima felt somewhat nostalgic because you reminded him of his mother who used to take care of him when he was sick as a little kid. Of course, he never told you this, but instead just grudgingly agreed.


Himuro Tatsuya - Only the lords could explain as to why your boyfriend, even when down with a nasty cold, looked so irresistibly attractive. You smiled while setting down the hot bowl of chicken noodle soup when you saw him sleeping soundly. Leaning over, you brushed his silky black hair from his face, watching as some strands slivered from between your fingers.

Himuro groaned softly and opened his eyes, looking directly at you. You withdrew your hand and smiled at him. “Are you awake now?”

Himuro attempted to sit up when you urged for him to lie down. He protested and sat up anyway. “I made you soup,” you said while reaching for the tray on the bedside table and putting the bowl on it. You set the tray on his lap. Himuro smiled from the warmth radiating from the warm food. He smiled at you and mouthed a “thank you” (the poor boy had lost his voice too). Himuro winced from body pains as he moved his arm and you quickly got up to ask if he was okay. Obviously, he would nod and give you a considerate look.

You tied your hair back in a ponytail and took the soup spoon from his hand gently. He tilted his head at you like a little puppy being curious of something it’s seen for the first time. You dipped the spoon in the soup, blew on it to cool it down, then carefully brought it to Himuro’s lips. He was hesitant and confused at first, but eventually gulped it down. Your face was close to his because you were wary of spilling. Himuro leaned forward slightly and gave you a peck on the lips, causing you to blush.

“What if I get sick?!” You whacked his arm, causing him to groan in response.

He frowned at you as if to say “after just one little kiss?”

Akashi Seijuro - Akashi, cheeks as red as his crimson hair, reached for the glass on the bedside table while shivering like a newborn lamb. The expression on his face was so naive and vulnerable. He seemed like a child struggling to take care of himself on his own. When he finally lifted the glass of water and attempted to bring it to his lips, he sneezed, spilling almost all the water onto his bed sheets. He let out an exasperated sigh and shot you a glare when he heard you giggling on the chair next to his bed.

“Sei, you are very sick, no matter what you say,” you said while pulling out multiple tissues from the tissue box and handing them to your boyfriend.

He pressed the tissues down onto the damp blankets and then used one to blow his nose, “I am not sick. It’s just…a slight cold. I will recover almost immediately, as I always have,” he said, sniffling.

You got up out of your chair and pressed your hand against his forehead. He looked up at you with those striking eyes, almost as if to distract you from all the concerns you had. Biting your lip, you nodded. “Yeah, no… you’re staying in bed today. Don’t even think about getting up,” you said, throwing a blanket over his head.

Akashi pulled the blanket down his face so that only his eyes could be seen. He grabbed your wrist and you could sense he was smirking. “Then, will you warm me up by climbing in here with me? I might leave if there’s no one to supervise me.”

You blushed at his words and tried to shake off the grasp he had on your wrist. “Then you would get me sick too!”

The next morning, he was the one taking care of you.

sxltyshima  asked:

Hi!! I've just reread your D:M fic for the 7th time (sorry that sounds a little stalkerish but it's amazing), and I was wondering if you could write a little something on the interactions between Midorima and his little sister? We never really see much of their relationship, but I think it's really cute how a tsundere like him could love his sister so much!! Thank you and your writing is really amazing! I'm always checking for updates!! <3

She gives him a plastic pink ribbon when they meet. “For Oha Asa,” she says shyly, and it’s the first real indication that Midorima has that Dr. Kishitani actually had been talking about him to his daughter.

(He already had a plastic ribbon. He’d bought it at the daisho before the move. But he surreptitiously throws that one away, because this one is clearly better).


“I am not very good with children,” Midorima had said in the car, as Kishitani drove him to what would be his new home.

“Naoko is looking forward to meeting you,” Kishitani said reassuringly. “She’s very shy, but I promise you, she’s very excited.”

That wasn’t quite what Midorima meant. He meant, Children are very fragile and breakable and I don’t know how to talk to them because they’re like creatures from another planet and I can’t understand their experiences.

“Just talk to her like you would talk to anyone else,” Kishitani said.

Which was no help at all. Midorima has never been good at talking to anyone else.


She sits up straight when he sits up straight. He doesn’t think he’s supposed to notice, but he was trained to notice everything. She quietly adjusts her hold on her chopsticks to match how he holds his chopsticks. She starts adding “nodayo” when she talks and he feels guilty about that. She listens to Oha Asa every morning.

Don’t, he wants to say. Don’t be like me. I’m not someone you should be like. I’m not a good model at all.


“Which one is your favorite?” he asks, and she looks surprised and then happy and then shy, like she wasn’t expecting him to ask for her opinion.

“I like Sailor Mercury,” she says, “Because she is so elegant and smart.” He nods and this seems to embolden her to continue, “Ayumi-chan likes Sailor Jupiter because she’s tough. Ayumi-chan is tough too, so that makes sense. Ayumi-chan could probably beat up anyone, if she wanted.”

“That sounds like a useful skill,” Midorima says. He’s heard a lot about “Ayumi-chan” and is given to understand her opinion matters a lot to Naoko.


What he likes most is that she seems to understand he doesn’t like being touched. She will sit very close to him on the couch with just enough space between them and he appreciates that. She giggles when he braids her hair with his abilities and seems to think that’s better than if he’d done it with his hands.

“Is it OK if I call you Onii-sama?” she asks, and he hasn’t known her long but he thinks it must have taken a lot for her to ask the question.

“Do you… want a big brother?” he is trying to say, are you sure you want me for a big brother?

“Very much!” she nods emphatically. “Ayumi-chan has a big brother and I always wanted one too.”

“Why?” he asks, because he certainly wouldn’t want older siblings.

“So, you can do big brother things! Like braid my hair, and protect me—”

“Do you need protection?” he asks sharply, because he’s only known for a few weeks now but he’s already certain that if anyone has hurt this child he will end them.

“Well, no, but you could, right?”

“Right,” Midorima relaxes. “Yes. I could do that.” And he will. He’s sure he will. He clears his throat and says, “Yes, that would be…acceptable.”

A/N: Thanks friends!! @sxltyshima and @allebooklover I was very glad you asked! I am always up for siblings feels (although, I am sorry for how long this took, @sxltyshima. You had a very long wait, sorry friend!!) Thank you both!!

I don’t ship something because I think their potential relationship is realistic, a good example or even healthy. I ship something because it intrigues me in some way, whether that is because it’s cute, it’s funny, it’s a coping thing, or even because I find it hot (*gasp* all soccer moms cover ur kids ears this woman is sexual!1!). 

Whichever reason I have, you are have no say in what I am supposed to like and what not, because it has nothing to do with you or anyone else. It’s what I like. Not you. And unless I’m being annoying as fuck and I’m literally shoving my ship in your face when I know you don’t enjoy it, you. can’t. tell. me. what. to. like.

What matters is what I do to people, and I’d much rather be friends with someone who is into controversial stuff and is nice, than having to deal with any of you micro-managing piss babies in real life because you’re probably a living example of a party pooper. 

dracarys--stormborn  asked:

I know I'm kinda late but how do you feel about the TVD finale and what they did to Stefan? Especially when they said that Damon's better than him? Also, Stef had more chemistry with Elena while she was unconscious than any Delena scene lol.

So, as you all know by now I didn’t actually watch the finale, but I read about what happened on Tumblr and I saw a couple of gif sets, so I do have a couple of thoughts about the finale.

- About what they did to Stefan: I’m not going to lie, I would’ve preferred it if Stefan and Elena would’ve been allowed to ride off into the sunset together because they’re the only couple that made sense as endgame all along, literally the only couple. But since it was made abundantly clear that wasn’t going to happen, I’m actually quite happy with how it turned out. Because not only did Stefan do what he always does, which is stepping up and keeping those he loves safe, he also found peace, and not just peace, oh no, he was reunited with his very best friend and I kind of found that heartwarming. It wasn’t the happy ending I hoped for when I started watching, but under the given circumstances, I really think it was the best ending possible for us Stefan stans.

- About what he said about Damon: I’m not even mad, the show has been using other characters to prop up Damon through dialogue for years now. Stefan always excused Damon’s behavior, he always made it seem like something Damon was not, he always gave Damon credit even though he never deserves it, he has been pushing Elena back to Stefan since season five, so what Stefan said in the finale didn’t get to me because, well, it was big fat bullshit but it was nothing new.

- About the DE scenes: first of all, let me just say how happy I am they didn’t even get a conversation. Like, they hugged, they kissed, they held hands, and that’s it. I was prepared for something much, much, much worse. And then there’s the painful, hilarious lack of chemistry between them. Because not only did Ian choose to kiss Nina’s chin instead of her lips (no amount of slowmotion and over the top lighting and fancy camera angles can hide that, dear TVD crew), he also couldn’t even be bothered to not look constipated when he held her hand. Like, those scenes were so bad it still makes me laugh and it’s been weeks. xD 

- About Katherine’s “comeback”: I only have one thing to say: what were the writers thinking??????

- About endgames: when it comes to endgames, I have to say I found SE to come out looking best. Not only because of the fact that DE didn’t even spend the afterlife together (we’re supposed to believe they’re ‘epic soulmates’ but it was like Elena just lived her life as best as she could because she owed Stefan that and then she bailed as soon as she died xD) but also because of that final SE scene, the physicality, the chemistry. Yes, sure, the dialogue was about Caroline and Damon, but just look at that scene. Mute the scene and look at it, and it’s our beautiful SE endgame. Nina and Paul brought their A game one last time and it is something to be grateful for. Over the course of eight seasons, SE got the best lines, the best scenes, the best chemistry, SE actually had it all and the series finale reconfirmed that. They’re endgame, guys. Maybe not ‘technically’, but they looked and felt like the real endgame couple. Plus, that scene of Elena writing in her diary near his grave… Like, the diaries were something that connected them and when they got together, they didn’t need them anymore because they had each other to talk to instead, and as soon as they were apart, they started writing in those diaries again. Stefan was always the one Elena could truly be herself with, and now that he died, she dug up her diary and wrote in it while looking at the crypt where he was buried and there’s something morbidly poetic about it. It’s SE, it has always been SE. (I also have to add I loved that Elena left her necklace on his grave or whatever, because if Kevin did one thing right in that final episode, it was making sure everyone knew that necklace was always meant to be an SE symbol, he righted JP’s wrong with that and it’s awesome because now DE is actually literally left with nothing. Think about it.)

- And last but not least, about me being petty: and this is me being really petty, but can I just say how hilarious it is that Stefan chose to die rather than spending a single day married to Caroline? xD

anonymous asked:

"Thank you for existing. 💗 Send this to 10 people who you think deserve a sweet and kind message in their inbox 💕" as a prompt

“What the hell am I supposed to do with this?” Seung-Gil questions his Tumblr mobile app. He gets chain messages all the time, annoying spam comments on his YouTube page and god, he doesn’t want to even count how many stupid articles his family spreads on Facebook touting them as absolute. But this?


What the hell is he supposed to do with this?

His first instinct is to just delete it. He gets dozens of messages from being a prominent YouTube personality anyways; it’s plausible that asks like these would be lost among the usual loud squeeing and people begging for him to follow their mediocre fan blogs. But Phichit has been nagging him that he seems unapproachable and it’s a good thing to interact with fans and build up a friendly rapport. It’s easy for Phichit to say something like that. Phichit Chulanont is the sun, the moon and the stars wrapped up in a twenty-two year old Thai man’s body, exuding confidence and personality and helpful makeup advice. Meanwhile, Seung-Gil is the grouchy ass that lives with him and works the camera fifty percent of the time. The other fifty percent is when Phichit mans the camera to film Seung-Gil doing covers or original compositions on his Yamaha keyboard. He’s sure his fanbase is comprised of people that love Phichit, and people that love Seung-Gil’s looks.

Phichit comes in through the front door to their apartment while Seung-Gil deliberates, small brown package in his hands. “My new brushes are here! Time for an unboxing video!” Phichit cheers. Seung-Gil grunts in response, thumb over the trash can icon. “Whatcha doing?” Phichit asks, cause he’s always been a nosy shit like that. He strides over to the couch, plops down next to Seung-Gil, and takes the phone out of Seung-Gil’s hands to scroll through his messages. Seung-Gil wants to say that Phichit can do that sort of thing because he’s Phichit and Phichit is the type of person that does what he wants and will gladly pull you along for the ride. He doesn’t say anything, not even when Phichit’s eyes glance over at him curious and Seung-Gil suddenly finds it hard to swallow.

“I got a chain message just like this a few days ago,” he comments. Seung-Gil grunts, feeling his lungs squeeze as Phichit gets comfortable against his side. 

“Yeah,” he continues, either blissfully ignorant of how stiff Seung-Gil is or is reveling in Seung-Gil’s awkwardness. “Actually, I think this one is the message that I passed onto you.”

“Why did you send it anonymous if it was you?”

“Because that spoils the fun!” Phichit pouts and it’s very annoying and very cute at the same time. Seung-Gil hates how Phichit can be like that sometimes. It’s frustrating, mentally and sexually. 

“Don’t send me anymore. It clogs up my inbox,” Seung-Gil complains.

“Were you going to delete it?”

“Since I know it was you, yeah. I’m deleting it.”

“Oh come on. They’re nice! It’s brightening someone’s day by leaving a nice ask in their inbox!”

You’re already brighter than a fucking supernova, I don’t need an ask from you to have a bright day, is what Seung-Gil wants to say. He just scoffs and clicks his tongue instead.

“In what way is it nice to have a message copy and pasted without any sort of personalization?”

Phichit thinks for a second. “…Well, when you put it like that.” He huffs. “Fine then, delete it if you want. I’m going to get the camera to do the unboxing.” He places the brushes on their coffee table and rises to his feet, betraying in no way that he’s upset by the way that he walks. Five seconds later, Seung-Gil realizes that was a pretty dickish thing to say and face palms. 

They do the unboxing video, then make a dinner comprised of boxed macaroni and cheese that has more cheese than noodles. Phichit talks about video ideas while Seung-Gil listens and nods his head and offers up some opinions even though he doesn’t know shit about makeup. He’s learning though. Just so he can help Phichit if needed. Not for any other reason. Nope.

When they go to bed, Phichit says goodnight from his bedroom door with a smile on his lips. Seung-Gil says goodnight back, and retreats to his bed where he edits his videos for a few quiet minutes, then opens up Tumblr on his phone and goes to Phichit’s ask box.

Phichit gets an ask notification at around three in the morning that reads:

I appreciate everything you do. You are a pleasure to see and talk to. I like it when you smile. I like your voice. Thanks for existing. 💘

The message is very short and blunt. It also puts the stupidest of smiles on Phichit’s face.

anonymous asked:

(this ask is supposed to be anonymous but tumblr mobile is unclear... please don't answer it if you can see my url) Long time admirer, first time writing... So I've been doing a lot of introspection recently and think I might be trans (trans woman specifically) but I'm really not sure. Do you have any advice for someone who's questioning on how to work out whether or not they're actually trans?

Oh god, I feel so terrible that this got forgotten. I had intended to get to this when I had a moment back when I had a job… then things got bad for me.. anyhoo, lets see…

The hardest part about being trans is that no two trans folk quite come to the realization the same way. There are similar aspects, overlapping experiences, but nothing that can give a specific ‘you are trans’ absolute answer feel.

I mean, when you are homosexual, it’s pretty easy to figure out overall (understand, I am grading on a curve here, it’s not flat easy’, just ‘pretty’ easy). You as yourself “Am I attracted to the opposite sex? No, okay. Am I attracted to the same sex? Yes, cool.’ pretty cut and dry. The discovery can be difficult, coming out harder, but really, there is a bottom line

For a trans person, there are a lot more elements at play here. It’s not a single aspect of your life that is effected, it’s everything. This is not a sexual preference, this is your very identity we are talking here. And there are a lot of different ‘levels’ to it. You can be trans Non-binary, Trans but just having the right pronoun is enough, and you could be full on, absolute Trans, born in the wrong body sort of thing.

There are a lot of different aspects, like, how you like to dress, how you like to express yourself, how much your body feels wrong, or just not right.

And there are no wrong answers here.

The first step is asking. Feeling out what is right for you. Who YOU are.

There is a bottom line, at least to an extent, for Trans folk: Ultimately, what do I want to be?

I have had many troubles with all of this. it took me until I was 33 to realize my truth of gender. It taken me the bulk of a year and a half before I stepped out of my house as myself, and even then, it’s really hard to put in the effort to do it. My heart want to be surrounded by the right look, the right flesh, the right voice… And it’s hard to even put in the effort to look even a little feminine because of how I look physically.

on top of that, my dysphoria (that feeling of being in the wrong body) wasn’t always that strong. Sometimes you don’t even feel it at all. And that makes things even harder. LIke, for some, dysphoria could be so strong that it can cause severe depression, like the to 11, staring into the dark abyss level stuff here. Others, me included at times, don’t feel dysphoria about the wrong body, but more that when you are actually refered to by the right name, the right gender, treated the right way, that it fills us with a warm right feeling. a less ‘wrong body’ and more ‘not in the correct one’ feeling. Spiting hairs, I know, but an important difference.

And, like me, it can bounce back and forth and all around. I made a post last night about some dark feelings, in that I mentioned a day of pure disassociation, and I remember pretty clearly the feelings going into that morning. My dysphoria is mostly at worst a sort of buzzing ‘princess trapped in a mask’ feeling, light, frustrating, but a buzzing. but that day, it rose like a crashing wave and wrecked me.

So, nothing is easy, nothing is clear cut.

My best suggestion is, let yourself explore. As to be refered to in a certain gender or fashion, maybe even try some role play or something, find outlets for your exploration is what I’m saying. And don’t be afraid to be wrong. Maybe you are a Trans woman, but closer to nb, and like to be a guy still now and then. There are folks like that known as ‘gender fluid’

It’s why a lot of cis folk are so frustrated, because for them, we might as well be Changlings. And their ridged outlooks have a hard time being flexible.

So, I encourage you, explore, ask yourself what your bottom line is, what do you feel like.

for me, I ask myself: If someone gave me a magic pill right now and said ‘with this you can become a woman, but you can never go back’, what would I do?

My answer has always been “I would swallow it and never look back.”

No matter my feelings, my expression, my path, or my options now or in the future; this is my truth.

I am Anita Barton, Assigned Male at Brith, a Trans Woman. Pleased to meet you.


sorry went all over board there. XD

But yeah, just explore and find yourself. And if your irl life is too dangerous, that is alright, find your safe place, even if it’s just online.

*sends hugs and minis and good vibes*

anonymous asked:

i rewatched the episode and read the comments like a shmuck and i think i understand and share your hatred of Waitress girl

(Question asker, you didn’t ask for the long and probably controversial rant you’re about to get. I apologize in advance.)

You know, Cute Waitress and I have gone on a fascinating journey. Because when I watched the episode, I had exactly 2 thoughts about her: “Maybe that’s the girl they’re gonna use to get Bonquisha jealous” and “Okay, never mind.” (There might’ve been a brief moment of “Who the hell pinches a 10-year-old’s cheeks?” but otherwise she made no impression on me at all.)

And then I hopped on this here Tumblr machine, which took me on a rollercoaster ride that more or less went like this:

  • Yeah, she is cute! *likelikelikelikereblog*
  • I mean … she’s okay, I guess. She was barely a character and she didn’t interact with David at all, and she was basically just a plot device for Tabii to ruin everything, but she’s still very cute.
  • I fucking hate this bitch and never want to see her again.

So … a journey.

I realize that it might sound kinda hypocritical for me, the most insane shipper in the history of insane ships, to bitch about excessive and insane shipping, but hear me out. (Or don’t, of course. But I’m gonna ramble anyway.)

I just … she doesn’t even have a name, guys. She and David speak zero times, he looks at her exactly never, and while she is cute and appears to be sweet and sunny … well, of course she does, she’s a waitress! That’s her job.

And some of this absolutely comes from me being salty about the fact that Gwenvid still isn’t really a thing, but I feel like I can be cut a modicum of slack, when somehow 19 episodes of near-constant interaction and an obviously established, interesting, dynamic relationship doesn’t have the raw, sizzling chemistry of … nothing. No thing. No interaction, and I feel like I cannot state that enough: they do not speak. There are no steamy looks shared. There is no indication David is actually aware she exists in any way, shape, or form. I checked.

And here’s where I go in a direction that probably won’t be popular? I’ll hide it under a cut because some people are trying to avoid fandom drama and controversy in their Tumblr experience and I don’t wanna bum y’all out:

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anonymous asked:

I converted a few months ago, I'm gay, and I didn't realize how difficult and lonely it would be. When my SS teacher talks about the "gay agenda" and how "Satan works through gay people," I can't take it. I don't feel like I belong. But I just converted, and I'm in a new ward. I haven't gone in weeks b/c it's too difficult. I know I sound spineless. But idk how to say that I can't go anymore, no one knows I'm gay. But I can't just never talk to anyone from my home ward again. Am I a bad person?

First, nothing you said makes you a bad person. Not a single word of it! In fact, just the opposite. I can tell you’re sincere, conscientious, and hurting–that suggests a warm, caring person trying to do the right thing.

I’m glad you found me. There’s a wonderful community of queer Mormons on Tumblr, try doing a search for #Queerstake. In a way, you don’t have to be quite so alone anymore.

There’s some really wonderful things about this church. And many of the teachings are hopeful and powerful. Unfortunately it has a history of homophobic teachings (as do most churches). And while the rhetoric has softened, the restrictions haven’t. This church is still fumbling its way forward in regards to queer individuals.

I don’t consider you spineless. Especially if you aren’t telling others that you’re gay, that would make it difficult to explain what it is you’re having issues with at church. Avoidance is an acceptable strategy. 

You don’t have to go back. The Gospel is supposed to be “good news,” but if that’s not what you find, and the stress of it outweighs the good, you’re free to make a choice that works for you. You can opt to try again when you move away from your current ward

I understand the awkwardness that will happen when you run into someone from your former ward. They may not even ask about your new ward. You choose what you want to reveal about your decision to stop attending. Spend some time thinking about how you would answer questions from them. There are ways to turn the conversation, or to state the issue in very general terms. 

As your ward is new to you, perhaps you’re not familiar with a lot of the members, there may be some allies among them. I sometimes go on Facebook groups like Mama Dragons, Affirmation, USGA, or others (try searching for “lds lgbt” and numerous groups pop up). I look to see if there’s people in those groups who go to church with me.

If you choose to go back, and your heart ever tells you that something doesn’t feel right, don’t ignore it. In those situations, here’s 3 questions I ask:
1) Does this sound like me, do I resemble that remark?
2) Is this consistent with the God I know?
3) Does it fit with the two greatest commandments–love God and love one another?
It’s surprising how many things will strike out on all 3 questions. 

I wish you all the best. While not a convert, I have felt the things you describe. It’s not easy. You’re always welcome to contact me again, anonymous or otherwise. And I’m sure the same is true for anyone you find in Queerstake.

Kiss the Cook

@freshmangotea said - domestic elams attempting to make dinner. I’ve got to say, I’ve never worked with the trio before and am sort of half in love with them.

Eliza’s feet were thudding faintly, her blue pumps dangling in one hand. There were days, few and far between though they were, when she regretted her promotion. Certainly, her voice traveled farther across the table with the board than on the floor of the group home, but she missed seeing the kids every day. Mostly, she regretted losing the easy kinship with them she’d so painstakingly built. Other times, she just missed her tennis shoes.

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