shiela i read your post from a while ago about skin bleaching and how you dont do it anymore but sometimes still feel insecurities about your tone and i was wondering what you do to feel better about it if you dont go back to bleaching
Okay so, first off, guessing that your asking cause it’s what your going through right now, no worries. It’s perfectly normal to have insecurities!! People don’t say this enough and I think they should. It is okay to be insecure. Its okay to doubt. Its NORMAL. Don’t feel bad about yourself and then feel bad for FEEELING BAD about yourself. Lots of times I would get super insecurity and then hate myself for even being insecure.
It’s a stupid, awful, vicious cycle. We as human are going to have insecurities. And they don’t always go way. Mine still haven’t and I’m not sure they ever will.
Some things I do when I feel super insecure, specifically about the tone and color of my skin, is focus on things I do like– and honestly if theres nothing there – I focus on the things I can control.
Because my nsecurity of my skin color isn’t something I can control. I used to think I could with bleach. But its obvious after now that was a lie. And for others that might be their weight, or their nose, or their height or whatever it is they cant ACTUALLY control. Not right away. Or ever.
So I focus on things I can control. I CAN contol my hair. So back when I was really depressed about my skin I bleached all my hair, I cut it, I dyed it, etc. It was preoccupying and I didnt mind my hair goiing through all that cause it was at least some FORM of change. It helped me feel in control. It helped me feel good to see something change. It was almost liek I was tricking my brain into thinking I had made a change even when the thing I wanted to change didnt.
I still do this, when I feel insecure. But I do it buy maybe going shopping for new lipstick or makeup. Or I go clothes shopping. Buy myself things that do flatter me.
My skin tone might bug me but I look fly as hell in this new dress. Etc etc.
And if money’s tight, sometimes I do shopping dates. I go and try on expensive clothes at the mall, shit i seriously cannot afford, take pictures, look awesome, and then go “okay im done.” Cause I prove to myself that I might not feel like it, but I deserve to wear an 800 dollar dress if only for a few minutes to prove I can.
And when aesthetics fails and your sick of yourself, thats when you put your focus outward. If I get depressed so much with my face and body I turn to skills. I taught myself how to lockpick. I looked up tutorials for photoshop. I learned the differences between wide angle lenses and telephoto lenses in cinema. On one terrible bout of depression I ended up learning everything I could about the different types of engines cars have and how they work and how to change you car oil yourself to save 60 bucks.
I know that all sounds dumb or firovilous. But its honestly distracting.
And there’s something nice about waking up and thinking to yourself.
“I hate this stupid fucking face and body, but ain’t nobody out there who can swindle me into paying for an oil change when I can do it myself.”
If you can’t change the aspect you hate, empower yourself to understand that the value of that aspect doesn’t matter. Because in the end that insecurity isn’t stronger then your own self dependece and worth and knowledge and all the ther things that make up you!