what a perfectly stupid time we would have

anonymous asked:

shiela i read your post from a while ago about skin bleaching and how you dont do it anymore but sometimes still feel insecurities about your tone and i was wondering what you do to feel better about it if you dont go back to bleaching

Heya nonnie. 

Okay so, first off, guessing that your asking cause it’s what your going through right now, no worries. It’s perfectly normal to have insecurities!! People don’t say this enough and I think they should. It is okay to be insecure. Its okay to doubt. Its NORMAL. Don’t feel bad about yourself and then feel bad for FEEELING BAD about yourself. Lots of times I would get super insecurity and then hate myself for even being insecure. 

It’s a stupid, awful, vicious cycle. We as human are going to have insecurities. And they don’t always go way. Mine still haven’t and I’m not sure they ever will. 


Some things I do when I feel super insecure, specifically about the tone and color of my skin, is focus on things I do like– and honestly if theres nothing there – I focus on the things I can control.

Because my nsecurity of my skin color isn’t something I can control. I used to think I could with bleach. But its obvious after now that was a lie. And for others that might be their weight, or their nose, or their height or whatever it is they cant ACTUALLY control. Not right away. Or ever. 

So I focus on things I can control. I CAN contol my hair. So back when I was really depressed about my skin I bleached all my hair, I cut it, I dyed it, etc. It was preoccupying and I didnt mind my hair goiing through all that cause it was at least some FORM of change. It helped me feel in control. It helped me feel good to see something change. It was almost liek I was tricking my brain into thinking I had made a change even when the thing I wanted to change didnt. 

I still do this, when I feel insecure. But I do it buy maybe going shopping for new lipstick or makeup. Or I go clothes shopping. Buy myself things that do flatter me. 

My skin tone might bug me but I look fly as hell in this new dress. Etc etc. 

And if money’s tight, sometimes I do shopping dates. I go and try on expensive clothes at the mall, shit i seriously cannot afford, take pictures, look awesome, and then go “okay im done.” Cause I prove to myself that I might not feel like it, but I deserve to wear an 800 dollar dress if only for a few minutes to prove I can. 

And when aesthetics fails and your sick of yourself, thats when you put your focus outward. If I get depressed so much with my face and body I turn to skills. I taught myself how to lockpick. I looked up tutorials for photoshop. I learned the differences between wide angle lenses and telephoto lenses in cinema. On one terrible bout of depression I ended up learning everything I could about the different types of engines cars have and how they work and how to change you car oil yourself to save 60 bucks. 

I know that all sounds dumb or firovilous. But its honestly distracting. 

And there’s something nice about waking up and thinking to yourself. 

“I hate this stupid fucking face and body, but ain’t nobody out there who can swindle me into paying for an oil change when I can do it myself.” 

If you can’t change the aspect you hate, empower yourself to understand that the value of that aspect doesn’t matter. Because in the end that insecurity isn’t stronger then your own self dependece and worth and knowledge and all the ther things that make up you! 

We Fell


Characters: Matthew X Reader

Plot: Reader has started acting on Criminal Minds as Spencer Reid’s love interest but didn’t know prior to her and Matthew’s meeting. How will Matthew react when he sees her again?

Rating: N

Dedication: To Beth, My amazing friend! I love you so much and I hope you love this <3

Part 1

Today was my first day of acting alongside Matthew. Matthew, the one I had spent all day with yesterday after bumping into him, Matthew. How would he react when he saw me again? It had only been what, a day? The palms of my hands were clammy and my knees trembled at the worry running through my head. I pulled up outside of the studios, just before the barrier that I had to drive in through. “Name?” The security guard asked, walking towards me with a clip board in his hand. “Beth, Beth Keys (Insert Y/N)” I replied and he skimmed the list of names. “Ah Yes! I hope you have a lovely day miss Keys” he replied and I smiled, “Thank you, and you!” 

I drove in and found a space right next to the entrance. The car park was pretty much empty, with another 3 or 4 cars parked elsewhere. I climbed out of my car and grabbed my bag, locking it behind me as I walked towards the door. The information I had received stated that I had to look for “Set 4: CM.” I walked along the corridor that seemed to last forever until I reached a door that read what I wanted. As I turned the door handle, it swung forward and someone walked into me. “Sorry baby girl, I should’ve been looking where I was going” I heard a voice say, and I instantly knew it was Shemar. “It’s fine Shemar! Hi, I’m Beth” I said, holding my hand out to shake his. “Hey love, are you one of the new actresses?” He asked and I nodded, “Well you best get going, we start filming in an hour and you need to get into your costume and have your makeup done!” I smiled and nodded, passing by him. 

The first person I needed to find was Virgil to confirm that I was here. I walked up to a man wearing a headset, “Hi, I’m looking for Mr Williams?” I said and he smiled, “I am him, you must be Beth!” He replied and I nodded, “Nice to meet you Beth. Please go to makeup and get ready” he said and I nodded again, walking to makeup. I sat for the makeup artist as she started applying the many layers of muck to my face. After 40 minutes, my makeup and hair was done and now I was ready to get dressed. I looked at my outfit. 

I felt confident. I looked good, and hopefully Matthew would think so. I turned around and saw Matthew walk past, all dressed in his Spencer Reid attire, making me shoot round and face the opposite direction. I could see in the mirror that he walked straight past and I let out a deep sigh. I had learned my scenes and I knew when I had to be on. “Scene 3, on!” I heard a man shout. This was it. I was faced with Matthew again. I wasn’t on until half way through. I stood behind the door watching Matthew, Shemar, Paget and AJ talking inside the Bullpen. “ACTION!” the man shouted again and everyone turned silent. I re-read my script and I was on just after Matthews line, discussing the UNSUB. 

I heard Matthew’s line draw to a halt and I walked in, holding the books I was given and with my head down playing the part. I pushed the door and walked to the group and gulped. AJ was now away from everyone and the first person I needed to talk to was Paget or in this case, Emily. “Ah Hello, you must be Charlotte. I’m Emily!” She said and held her hand out. I looked up and shook her hand. Matthew and Shemar were talking so he still didn’t know I was there, “I’ll take you to meet the rest of the team.” We walked to Matthew and Shemar and I gulped. My nerves were taking over again. “Spence, Derek, This is Charlotte. She is the newest member of the team” She said and Matthew looked at me, his face automatically dropping like he had seen a ghost. He went along with the script and lit up again, introducing himself. The scene seemed to go on forever, until the director shouted, “CUT!”

I ran. I didn’t know where to, but I ran. I ran away from Matthew. I ran from everyone. I knew he would be disappointed. I knew he wouldn’t want to see me. How could I be so stupid?


Beth was here. Why was she here? She must have been one of the new actresses, perhaps my love interest? After the director yelled to finish the scene, she ran. Why would she run? I wanted her to be here. I had truly missed her, even though we had only spent yesterday with each other. We had only met yesterday! Was I falling for her? But how? I needed to find her.


“Beth! Beth!” I could hear Matthew shouting and I turned around to be faced straight in front of him. I sighed, “Yes?” “Why did you run?” He asked and I put my head down, shrinking into my shoulders. “I was so excited when I got the call last night that I would be here. I would get to see you again. I thought you would’ve been happy to have seen me, but when you saw me I knew I was wrong” I said and shook my head, “How could I be so stupid? Why would you have wanted to have seen me? All I am is a fan! I’m a nobo-” I didn’t get to finish my sentence before I was met with Matthew’s lips against mine. It felt right. His lips fit perfectly against mine, almost like a puzzle piece against its pair. His hands were placed on my hips, him pulling me closer. Our lips molded together, moving in time, until we pulled away for a breathe. “What was that for?” I asked, breathless. He looked at me and smiled, “You talk to much.”

“Of course I wanted to see you, I was just shocked that it was so soon. I like you, a lot. Go on a date with me, please?” He asked and I bit my lip, “Sure thing, Mr Gubler” I replied and he smiled, “I like it when you call me that but please, call me Matthew”

Was I falling for him? Was he falling for me? This was going to be a long ride…

Hold on (never turn back) part 2



The last two weeks had been blissful. Taylor didn’t have much work to do, apart from a few meetings and fittings, so had been coming to the gym with me and to the studio. She usually just sat on the sofa at the studio writing lyrics for her own music, reading, or just watching us create tracks.

This week was the week of the BRITs in London, so we had travelled over on the weekend so we had time to get over the jet lag and also enjoy being in London. We had such a nice time last summer, somehow getting away with barely being spotted, and now it was wintery everything looked different. Whenever Taylor was in the UK she didn’t have time to just chill and sightsee, so this was a good chance.

At the same time as the last two weeks being great I could tell that the BRITS were a scary concept for Taylor. She was nominated for Best International Female and I was up for Best British Video again. Neither of us really expected to win but it was nice to go anyways, partly because it was always a nice affair, but especially because it was where we first time we got to talk so held good memories for us. Taylor flip flopped between being excited about walking the red carpet together and absolutely terrified by the concept. After her minor initial panic (induced by me…) she talked through the whole thing with her mum, who of course told her it would be fine, and then with Tree, to check that it wouldn’t be a publicist’s nightmare.

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ordinarilygraceful  asked:

Prompt time! When it comes to wedding planning, even though they agreed on a small, elegant wedding, Sherlock is more of a bridezilla than Molly.

I´m sorry this turned out so short, but here you go! I hope you like it and thank you very much for this awesome prompt :)

“Molly, you have to see this!" 

Molly sighed as Sherlock pushed the magazine into her hands, pointing excitedly. It was a picture of a castle, apparently french. It was a marvellous stone structure with towers rising high into the sky and the hilltop which it stood on was covered in bright green grass. Despite of its happy surroundings, the castle itself looked grim, the stone was dark and looked more like a shadow upon the land. 

"Its beautiful.” Molly admitted.


Molly looked at him questionably, not seeing his purpose.

“What if I told you it would go very well with this?”

He produced a picture from the inside of his blue blazer. He had a habit of carrying it around with him, just as a reminder of the coming event. Honestly, Molly found his devotion to the wedding very moving and flattering, but also a little tiring at times.

It was a picture of Molly in her wedding dress. A lace, old fashioned delicate thing. It was a picture from when she tried it on for the first time. The exquisite dress was fitted perfectly over her subtle curves and her happy expression and shy eyes made her look even more radiant. She looked so purely Molly.

“Do you mean we should travel here? On our honeymoon?”

He smirked and shook his head.

“What? You mean we should get married here?”

“Yes exactly! You did say it was beautiful.”

Molly raised her brows. 

“You do realise the cost of this and the fact that we would have to fly everyone down to France?”

“Molly I´m not stupid! I´m a consulting detective! The trip has already been planned down to the last detail!” He exclaimed, deeply offended. “And besides, Mycroft owes me a favour and the french owe him.”

Molly frowned at him sceptically. A castle, really? She had asked for a small wedding, but Sherlock was determined to make the most of it. He had already convinced her that they were in need of horses, the best classical band in all of England and for some unknown reason, an elephant and a snake. His puppy eyes could win any argument and once again he was flashing the same eyes and pouting lips. 

She bit her lip, not knowing exactly what to do. She glanced at the stunning castle again. It really was beautiful, the contrast of the spectre was truly breathtaking. 

“Listen,” She demanded, determined to take charge of the situation. “I´ll marry you in this castle if you get rid of all that other…..frill.”

“It´s not frill!”

“You know what I mean Sherlock.”

He breathed in deeply, taking the decision very seriously. The frustrated man brought his hands to his hair as he thought the options through carefully. Molly couldn’t help but smile at the distressed expression on his face. He took the magazine and picture from Molly and held them up in front of his face. 

His expression lightened immediately and he smiled happily, as he always did when he viewed the picture of his soon to be wife. 

“Of course.” He lowered his hands to look at his pathologist instead. He smiled warmly and pulled her into a tight embrace.

“I´m being stupid.” He mumbled and kissed her hair. He held her and rocked gently side to side, gently humming an unknown tune. Molly relaxed against her head against his chest and breathed in the smell of his cologne. Her eyes were almost drooping, the hypnotic sound of his voice and the warmth making her drowsy.

“I´m keeping the snake.” He whispered.


[Beware: Spoilers of ASOS]

It’s a little bit too soon to know how the show is going to show us who is the responsible for Joffrey’s death but after having a look at some tags I’ve sen that a lot of people who have read the books are forgetting something incredibly important and I fear that the writters may forget it too: Olenna wasn’t alone.

Certainly she had plenty of reasons to want Joffrey dead. She has proved to be a great player of the game and she has done it wonderfully. Margaery’s safety was paramount for her so she did everything she could to know what kind of person Joffrey was. Once she knew the ugly truth she didn’t step back. She wasn’t worried about her granddaughter’s safety anymore bacause once Margaery was queen, Joffrey was no longer needed. Olenna is the one who straightens the necklace in the show and the hair net in the books.

She is part of that scheme and nobody suspects her but we keep on forgetting the ultimate player. The one who whatever he does, makes certain his hands are clean. Petyr leads Sansa leaving the note telling her to go to the godswood. Ser Dontos was Petyr’s employee. He helps Olenna realize Joffrey is dangerous. He didn’t attend the wedding yet he knew who had straightened out Sansa’s hairnet. Littlefinger ends up being like the wind: you can’t see him but you can feel him. He is far from King’s Landing so he is the last person in which one would think, even Sansa says that. He has no apparent reason to want Joffrey dead.

“My Lord, I… I do not understand… Joffrey gave you Harrenhal, made you Lord Paramount of the Trident… why…”

“Why should I wish him dead?” Littlefinger shrugged “I had no motive. Besides, I am a thousand leages away in the Vale. Always keep your foes confused. If they are never certain who you are or what you want, they cannot know what you are like to do next. Somethimes, the way to baffle them is to make moves that have no purpose or even seem to work against you”

We will never know how much did Olena know about the plan. Maybe she only wanted to protect Margaery and make her queen and she didn’t care about Sansa’s safety. Maybe she didn’t have anything against Sansa but she was willing to let her pay the consequences in case somebody pointed at the poor girl. Maybe she was not worried at all because she already knew that Petyr would come “to the rescue”. We will never know, but what we know is that this is not the first time Littlefinges does something like this and that, added to the fact that Olena Tyrell is far from being stupid give us a perfectly intricate scheme.

Littlefinger only needed someone to pin the murder on: Tyrion was the perfect option. He knows what people want, who they are and how to move them. That is why he knew that Tyrion would be perfect. Joffrey openly despised him and didn’t hesitate to humilliate his uncle in public and Petyr just took advantage of that:

“You can lead a king to water, but with Joff one had to splash it about before he realized he could drink it. When I told him about my little surprise, His Grace said, ‘Why would I want some ugly dwarfs at my feast? I hate dwarfs’. I had to take him by the shoulder and whisper, 'Not as much as your uncle will’ ”

And he already knew that Cersei wasn’t Tyrion biggest fan because c'mon, who doesn’t

“She thinks herself sly, but in truth she is utterly predictable”

So it was painfuly evident that everybody would blame Tyrion for Joffrey’s death. Cersei would immediately point at him and that would give him enough time to take Sansa out of there.

Olenna Tyrell wins: her granddaughter is safe and about to marry a kinder king and even easier to manipulate.

Petyr Baelish wins: he keeps going with the game and now Sansa is within his reach.

Neat, isn’t it?

10/10* would recommend

*Except for Sansa Stark and House Lannister ofc

A Rant About Arrow Baby Mama Drama

Hello Arrow and most likely Olicity peeps. I just really wanted to write this post because I just …because I wanted to.

Anyway let me preface this post by saying that I love Felicity Smoak. She is my absolute favorite character on Arrow. I love Oliver Queen, too, but if someone said to me, “hey Mindy who’s your favorite Arrow character?” I would absolutely, 100%, unequivocally say Felicity Smoak. While Felicity is my favorite character I also understand that Oliver’s story, feelings, etc., will always supersede anyone else’s. While I love Felicity she is, alas, just a secondary character to Oliver Queen’s story (albeit a very important and vital one don’t get it twisted).

Now on to the reason for this post: Oliver Queen’s baby mama drama. Want to read more? Check it out under the cut! (PS this is a rant so don’t expect rainbows, sunshine and puppies okay!) ALSO strap in this is gonna get wordy.

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Steven Universe & Uncle Grandpa Crossover?

You know, I’m a bit disappointed. SU and UG have literally nothing in common. And this isn’t just from the point of view of an adult. (I’m not an adult anyways, I can’t even drive. Not that I want to.) I have many little cousins who I told this information to, and they started bawling immediately. (Admittedly mostly only my SU loving cousins.) The viewers for these two cartoons are vastly different. My UG loving cousins said that they like the humour and randomness and pick-me-ups, basically, and my SU loving cousins enjoyed the plot and the intense family bond and emotional moments and well thought out character development. And the ages are also quite different, because SU is usually watched by more mature children, lest it wouldn’t be fully understandable, and UG is more for the children who love comedy that comes out of everywhere constantly, 24/7. And not only that, but the animation doesn’t work well with each other at all. If anything, it makes me cringe at the thought of them even trying to put it together. I mean, seriously?

I’m planning to babysit my cousins so we can watch this together. I hope I’m wrong with my assumptions, but in all honestly, I truly doubt I’ll enjoy this episode. Hopefully they’ll be able to incorporate both of the shows’ personal appealing features with each other. However, if they just make the episode with SU doing nothing but being completely random with strange humour and sudden laughable things like UG, or UG suddenly having massive plot points and character development and real tragic backstories that touch the heartstrings in ways indescribable, I won’t be happy.

You know what I’ve been dreaming about seeing? Steven Universe and Gravity Falls.

You probably think I’m joking, but let’s be honest here. Mabel, Dipper, and Steven all coming together and meeting each other? Especially Mabel and Steven.

They would be so awesome together. Not to mention Dipper would have so many questions. Maybe he’d even start writing in his own sort of journal about Crystal Gems. Course, that would be too much of a major plot point, and it wouldn’t be allowed to happen. 

And to be honest, both of the art styles are beautiful and would look great together. Imagine, Steven as a GF character? Or Mabel and Dipper as a SU character? They’d fit right in. 

And you know what, both of these shows are so well thought out and developed, and they both attract almost the same sort of audience. Because I’m going to be serious with you, my mother has cried watching both of these shows. I made my mother cry watching these as payback for saying cartoons are stupid. Imagine if I showed her Uncle Grandpa. We all know what would have happened if I was stupid enough to do that.

(It’s too bad that they are unable to collaborate, considering SU and GF are on separate channels.)

Uncle Grandpa would do much better with maybe Regular Show, or Clarence, or even the Amazing World of Gumball. In fact, the animation for the Amazing World of Gumball and Uncle Grandpa would have worked perfectly with each other, and the humour could coexist perfectly as well. But not with Steven Universe…

Just, no. I get it if they were worried that the audience needed some down time from the majorly dense and overwhelming episodes recently, but this is just not the way to do it, in my honest opinion. Steven is enough to make the audience happy. His humour is perfect the way it is. I’m very unhappy with this, and I hope to dear lord that they prove me wrong on every single one of my assumptions… (And that Uncle Grandpa’s voice doesn’t annoy me as much as it usually does.)

Cameron/Nash imagine part 11

I woke up next day to a sleepy face on my right side, it was Cameron, how did he get in her, I was so sure I locked the door, or not..
I smiled to myself when I saw him, he was completely relaxed and a heavy per drawing, oh he was so cute when he’s sleeping.
I carefully took my hand against his cheek, it looked as if he felt something because he grainy his nose and opened his eyes and looked deep into mine.

”Good morning beautiful”, he said, oh he called me beautiful, it’s the second time he said it to me.

The first time was when he saw me after nine years, I had therefore also lost weight, little here and there, my hair was now longer, and I would not forget my breasts size D 75, I had no breasts in 4 grade at that time..
”Goodmorning Cam, how did you even get in her?” i said and looked into his beautiful brown eyes ,they sparkle like diamonds, ”through the door what else?” he said and took my waist and pulled me right into him, i hit my arms around him and put my face on his chest, I could feel his heart beating.

Cameron kissed my forehead, I didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. ”You smell so good (Y/N)”,” WOW seriously I haven’t showered in like two days, and then you say I smell good”, ”wow you will probably not survive, do we need to find your tombstone now or what?” he said, laughing,” now we’re talking about taking a shower, I think I would take a bath”,” Nooo (Y/N) I want to cuddle with you,” you can do that later” I said, and went out of his grip, but he just grabbed my waist again and threw me down on the bed.

”Cam stop it, I smell”,” stop, you don’t smell at all” I didn’t answer him for Cam caught my lips to his, our lips fits perfectly, but I could not kiss him more, yes i was totally crazy about Cameron but I could not be with him, we live so far away from each other, and I’m one of those people who gets very jealous, yes I know it is a very stupid reason.

”What’s wrong, is it me?”,” no no Cam it’s not you, it’s me”,” You still like Nash you would rather have him than me, right?”

”Cameron now stop bringing Nash on the track all the time it’s fucking annoying and if you didn’t hear what I said before, I would like to say it again, the problem is not you, but me.

”How can it be your fault (Y/N)?”,” I’m just under your standard” I said, shy,”Hahaha (Y/N) you are so much more than standard for me, you are so beautiful can’t you even see it?” I shook my head, he then took both his hands and placed them on my cheeks and kissed me deeply, I could not ignore him anymore I just had to have him now, I had completely forgotten what it was like to kiss Cam, it was sweet, he tasted so good, omg.

He massaged my tongue, I would reciprocate but he just kept massaging it, he’s probably done this many times, I thought, but I pushed away, Cameron took a hand from my cheek and then down to my ass, and and squeezed hard, and a low moan from my lips which were parted in pleasure.

I could tell he liked it when i moaned by the way his body tensed up, and how he pulled me closer to him, Cameron lips brushed behind my ear. His touch was electrifying, and sent my emotions tumbling, i wouldn’t stop him, everything about him made me want more of him.
 I stopped our little game and stood up, he quickly took my hand and placed it on his chest and said,” Would you like to be my girlfriend (Y/N)?” fuck..

Part 12?