what a long title

I Like It When You Do That (Isaac Lahey)

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

Summary: However this ends, he’s a fool if he does nothing or a fool if he gives into the sweetness of temptation.

Author’s Note: I’m glad I’m finally done with this story. I had debated on a while on how far to take this. But I’m glad that I decided to push the envelope and go all the way with the smut. Enjoy!

Nights like this were always innocent.

They would curl up under the covers of her bed and watch movies until they both fell asleep. Suspicions never rose when they spent hours together behind her bedroom door; often times it wouldn’t open until the early hours of the morning and it was time for Isaac to leave so he could head home to get ready for school. It was entirely innocent…until it wasn’t. Her parents should have expected that it would turn out that way eventually.

The night starts out like every other one. They had watched two movies and thirty minutes into the third (some French film remake with an obscenely long title), she was sound asleep. The movie was a thriller; it was on the subtler side but the heroine was hot and that kept his attention mostly.

Then there was a sex scene. Of course there was a sex scene. Not that he was complaining too much. The guy okay looking, but seeing the actress naked, enjoying being eaten out, being thrust into from behind—the whole scene made his cock twinge with desire.

Isaac feels a shift beside him. Looking down, he sees [Name] burrowing herself further into the covers of her bed. Lying on her side with one arm tucked under the pillow and her legs pulled towards her stomach, she looked like an angel. She looked so peaceful (and not his girl) and there was a desire in his blood to touch her. It should never have been a thought that entered his mind. It was wrong. She was his friend and asleep, and he was turned on by a movie. He should have just gone to bathroom to jack off. Isaac licks his lips as his eyes travel across her sleeping form.

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Second Chances

Words: 10.1k

Genre: Fluff / Soulmate AU

Warnings: slight description of a panic attack, swearing

Description:  Soulmate AU in which you get to see colours when you kiss your soulmate. Dan has a particularity.

Read on AO3 / @florallylester made a moodboard for this and I’m crying

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Sometimes, words fail him. They dance on the tip of his tongue, but they’re not always voiced. But when that happens, he remembers; actions speak louder than words.

That’s why he always makes sure to walk on the side of the pavement closest to the car and puddles.

That’s why he always holds the umbrella slightly over to the other side, making sure the other man isn’t hit by the rain, even if that means he arrives home drenched.

That’s why he always makes enough coffee for two in the morning, even if he’s in a rush to leave.

That’s why he leaves small notes around their house, reminding his partner that he cherishes him more than anything else, and that they’re also out of milk.

That’s why he makes sure to take the longer route home every once in a while, just stop by his partners favourite bakery and buy them a cake big enough for two. 

That’s why he makes sure to make sure there’s always a blanket over his partner when he falls asleep at their desk after a long day.

That’s why he makes sure there’s always a fresh bouquet of flowers by the window every Sunday morning.

But, there are instances where his words come out. Those three little words are spoken aloud, and he swears he wouldn’t trade the other man’s smile for anything else in the world.

analysing panic! at the disco lyrics:

  • basically insightful puns at every turn
  • lol who needs titles that make sense
  • sex????
  • what does that word mean
  • let me just google it
  • oh right
  • that’s great I can use that in my next essay
  • how can eyes be moon sized 
  • doOrs„
  • more sex….I think….
  • wait hang on why am I crying
Tales of Zestiria + Titles
Reaction to You Saying Something Dirty, but Being too Innocent to Know What it Means. . .

Anonymous said: okay, so i had this ridiculous conversation with my friend, she always says dirty things but is too innocent minded to know what the alternative could mean. so could you do that for mx and exo. where their innocent girlfriend says something dirty, but then is like , “what? whats wrong? what did i say?” thanks sorry if its so detailed… lol

Reaction to You Saying Something Dirty, but Being Too Innocent to Know What it Means… (this is a long ass title)

[Monsta X Reaction Coming Soon…]

A/N guys,,, i’m back. it’s been too long, and i feel so guilty for that,,, but here’s a reaction to make up for it. please forgive me,, everything is okay so thank you j-j-jackson-ah for the supportive message,,, gash i didn’t know you guys cared like that. everything is okay,, my grandma is in assisted living,, life happens,, shes a sweet old lady and she’s staying strong. <3

Kai Eonni ~


You would be sitting at a dinner table, deciding to have a relaxing night out with the boys. You had suddenly said something, not really thinking before saying it. There was a silence throughout the group, some trying to figure out if you meant to say that, others wondering if the innocent persona you emanate was just a show all along. Suho would quickly cover it up, and if he has enough time would ‘shhh’ you before you got the whole ill phrased sentence out, knowing that you didn’t mean for it to come out like that. He would quickly try to make an excuse for you to the other members, knowing what was going through their heads at that time. As you ask, “What? What’s wrong? What did I say?” Suho would refuse to explain to you, however, if you keep asking for him to tell you, he would give in and say, “I’ll tell you when we get home Jagi. But don’t worry about it for now. Okay?”

Originally posted by suhomysuho


This would be what he lives for. This has happened before, and every time he would find this so amusing. However, whenever you ask for him to explain what you said, he would refuse and just ask that you never change. He finds it so sweet and cute, and he doesn’t want to ruin it by explaining the meaning of the dirty things you’re saying. He would then mock you by patting the top of your head like a kid in a loving way trying to keep a straight face while saying, “When you become more mature I’ll explain, but until then, no.”

Originally posted by jonginssoo


This would shock Puppy-Channie. He would find this hilarious and would jokingly ask, “Babe, have you been holding out on me this whole time?” However, he would know that you were too innocent and meant the latter meaning. This has happened many times and he would always tease you before explaining what the other meaning is. He would enjoy watching your face change into an expression of shock as you quickly rush to explain you didn’t mean that. He would always tease you, wrapping his long arm around your shoulder and say, “But did you really not mean that? Or are you trying to give me hint?” Like the little ass he is. However, the moments this tall ridiculous giant really lives for are when you slip up in front of the other members, especially the other little ass Baekhyun so they can bully you together. And don’t think that Chanyeol isn’t sending a text to Baekhyun when Baek isn’t there to witness it first hand, ‘cause the moment you mess up, Chanyeol is sending that shit faster than lightning – like a mom sending a video of their child walking for the first time to the husband.

Originally posted by starboychanyeol


This would shock little cinnamon roll. He would feel sympathetic, especially if it was in front of others, because he knows you don’t mean it in that way. However, you would catch on that you said something questionable when you see the face Xiu-Xiu makes *cue gif* He would try to reassure you that he knew what you really meant, but there are those times when you get so fed up with his and especially the other member’s dirty minds, but all sweet-mittens-Xiu would be able to say is, “I’m sorry Jagi, but… We’re men, we can’t help it if our brains are wired to 98% of the time to think sexually.”

Originally posted by exosgoldentrash


He wouldn’t notice. And if you were with the other members, he still wouldn’t notice, and you two would need the other members to explain it to both of you. He would probably do the same thing, say one thing, but it be taken by other people around you guys as something dirty and sexy. The best part would be you two talking about something and then Lay says one thing that sounds dirty and you reply with something else that sounds even dirtier and you two don’t notice –having completely serious faces, talking in a fairly serious tone as well – but Baekhyun and Chanyeol were sitting there waiting for this moment, their phone cameras on and rolling, ready and catching the golden moment for laughs later in the very near future when the rest of the members come home and they share it with them.

*Lay learning the alternate meaning of what he said*

Originally posted by yixingcanbeagif2


Chen would have a hoot about this. This would be his daily dose of entertainment, and the best part for him is that it was his girlfriend. He would also find this as a good way to get you all hot-and-bothered while teaching you new things about ‘activities’ you can do in bed. Chen would see this as a win-win for both sides, being a win for you ‘cause you’re learning and a win for him because his girlfriend is leaning new sexy things and also he gets a laugh out of it. He’s a gorgeous sexy beast that knows how to use his time to his benefit, let’s just end it on that.

Originally posted by k-krazeh


He would approach this situation with more maturity out of all of these morons. Of course he would let a chuckle out, I mean, who doesn’t laugh at unplanned dirty jokes from the most unexpected of people? He would quietly lean over and whisper into your ear, “You might want to rephrase that Jagiya…” Giving you a heads up when he sees you look confused as to why the other members are trying – but failing – to hold in their laughter.

Originally posted by sunkai


Hysterical laughs, that’s all you’ll be able to hear after you let out a poorly constructed phrase. He would need a moment to get himself together as you sit there confused as to what you said that was so funny. He would be willing to explain the other meaning, but would ask you a few times, “Are you sure you want to know?” just to be sure you’re 100% ready to hear what he and the other members heard. After when you get flustered, Baekhyun would cuddle you close as he gushes over you, “Awww, my Jagiya is too cute and innocent for this world! I can’t handle your cuteness Jagi!”

Originally posted by ethereal-baek


This would also come as a shock to Luhan. He liked the innocent side of you, giving him the feeling of responsibility to care for you – a feeling he likes. However, he wouldn’t hate this either, it would be cute, and he would get a laugh out of it, however, when you ask him to explain what you said, he would refuse, saying, “No, you’re too innocent minded, and I like you like that.” Giving you a kiss on the forehead to show his affection and unconditional love for you.

Originally posted by callmeminseok


The moment that phrase leaves your mouth, expect Tao to give you that ‘What the fuck?’ expression. He would have those days where he acts dramatic about it and rests his forehead on his hand, needing to take a break from the world and all it’s throwing at him in that moment. Though those reactions would be rare, most of the time he would tell you to rephrase what you said, then remind you that you need to think about what you say so you don’t come off as a pervert to people who don’t know the real you – meaning the innocent you. He would always feel bad for his harsh responses though and would silently apologize by giving you extra affection later.

Originally posted by key-tao


This would shock Sehun. Probably into silence to be honest. He wouldn’t know where this came from and would be questioning the relationship – not whether you should break up, but wondering if you were one of those girls where you act like an innocent lady in the streets but become a freak in the sheet. ‘Cause to be honest, Sehunnie-Poo isn’t sure if he’s ready for that kind of Fifty Shades of Grey relationship just yet. After all, he is still just barely older than a toddler, lezz be honest, we’re counting in male-maturity years after all. He didn’t think that was where the relationship was heading. He would ask if you knew what you just said, in a fairly serious manner, and when you give him a blank stare back, he would sigh in relief and realize your innocent mind was as close to a dirty mind as you would get. He would then tell you to be careful about what you say to who.

Originally posted by markleesdoft


He would find this cute and very endearing. He would always cover up for you when out with other people, just to help you from getting flustered, however when you two are alone and you slip up, Kris would tease you about it. Loving you blushed cheeks and rush to fix what you said, sometimes only making it worse, giving him more of a laugh. He would always pamper you afterwards though, trying to get you to forgive him when he pushed you too far and got you upset with him.

Originally posted by irpsychotic

i can admit that i search for something holy in the most grotesque of places but there’s something so pretty about the way buildings collapse. in the dark, graffiti looks like stained glass. saints hide among the rubble. i’m telling you, there are places in this town where time doesn’t exist.

his eyes are glossy in the glow of the neon red vacancy sign and he asks me what i regret the most. my tongue sinks down to my stomach. shame has gathered underneath my nails like dirt for years now. i put my hands in my pockets.

i was pure once but now my sanctity is just a phantom limb - an ache where there was something, and now nothing. i lost my halo a long time ago but when i miss it, i look at the yellow rings around my bruises, and if i squint just right, it’s like it was never gone.

i ignore how the wind is screaming for me to be silent and i admit to him that there have been times where i have been feral and unflinching, and i couldn’t stop my hands from destroying everything they touch, and yes, times where i had killed beautiful things just to look at them longer. and yes, if you were to cut me open, the devil would spill out.

because i have learned that hell was never a place hidden in earth’s core, safe from my prying hands. when i was young, my small fingers always found their way to the top of the stove when no one was looking. hell is everywhere, it is patiently waiting in all the tiny, squalid places that god can’t reach. like a popcorn kernel wedged between your teeth and gums.

i have smothered him but i don’t think he noticed. i watch his eyes flicker like street lamps in the rear view mirror. i stare at the dark there and hope i was imagining that there was ever a light to begin with. god, if you can hear me, how can i be forgiven for something i haven’t even done yet?


What the title says. I just got back from a long hiatus, and I need blogs to follow. I just really need to see a lot of them on my dashboard to meditate on them and then cry…because. So, if you blog about any of them, please like or reblog this post so I could follow you guys. (I’d prefer it if you guys reblog this, so that this post would reach more people.) Maybe fangirl about them, too, if that’s cool with you?

  • Orange is the New Black
  • Madeline Brewer
  • DC’s Legends of Tomorrow
  • Sara Lance
  • Caity Lotz
  • Riverdale

That’s pretty much it! Thanks!

Hold the Line

…It’s been 83 years and this isn’t any of the things I was supposed to be working on and it wound up being like 4k fuckin WHOOPS. Enjoy this Highly Predictable Scenario.


“Hanzo, get up…! You have to get up! Oh shit, oh shit shit shit…”

Crouched behind cover, you desperately shook the man, calling his name. Your eye squinted against the blood trickling into it – or was it from? Prepositions were irrelevant, you decided, but the sting of the blood hardly mattered weighed against the prone form of the archer beside you. He was whole, wholly – hopefully – uninjured (Oh god, please, don’t let him be hurt), but definitely unconscious.

You knew going in that the mission would be a hellstorm, but you never in all horrific possibilities expected Hanzo to flee his sniper’s perch – overwhelmed , probably. Talon wasn’t stupid (entirely), they knew who their threats were and it made sense to go after Hanzo, especially after he’d launched his Dragons into their numbers twice already. Still, to see him fleeing

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title: in these moments, i give myself (my heart) to you

  • day 2: traveling, victor - competition

summary: they skate and they live and they love, and the skating season passes by


for all that it’s weird and frustrating, being away from yuuri and training again, and despite his initial misgivings about continuing his competitive career, victor can’t really help the excitement that builds with every passing day.

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Enigma’s Plot Bunnies → Margaux Lefebvre

Abandoned as a child, Margaux used to live in the woods beyond the quiet village of Villeneuve. Whenever she ventured into town, the only people who didn’t look down their noses at the orphan were the chaplain, the local artist, and the other indigent beggar, Agathe, the pair of paupers often sharing their scraps. Stealing food to survive became second nature, but everyone gets caught eventually and Margaux would’ve been arrested had Père Robert not stepped in. The chaplain often found himself sheltering the wild girl and wished he could help her, but no one in Villeneuve was willing or able to take her in. As such, after compensating the victim of her theft, he offered her a bargain: she could make the church her home and he would teach her to read, write, and raise her to be a valued member of society, but she had to be baptized and devote herself to living an honest Catholic life; no more stealing, he emphasized. It had been an easy decision.

Growing up with a chaplain as a guardian instilled a devout faith and morality in Margaux. She helped Père Robert by passing out bibles during mass, assisting him in ceremonies as needed, and even learned to play that irksome organ to lead the villagers in their hymns. But no matter how hard she tried, most of the villagers remembered her as nothing more than a thief and it showed in their treatment. This fact was never more clear then when it came time for Margaux to learn a trade. If she’d had a family, she would’ve been trained in their craft but, as she had none, she had to find a way to make a living on her own. It was easier said than done as none of the dressmakers or seamstresses would accept her as their apprentice. Nor would the wig maker, the tavern keeper, the baker, or even the candlestick maker. Just as she’d resigned herself to joining the nunnery in Paris, Maurice approached her with an idea. Belle had told him of her friends love of music, so why not make music boxes with him?

As the years passed, Margaux flourished as an artist under Maurice’s kind tutelage. Not only did she get to create beautiful pieces of art, but it gave her enough funds to help keep a roof over her and Père Robert’s heads and food in their stomachs. Margaux took the name “Lefebvre”, craftsman, and found herself appreciative of her lot in life but not content. She could have all the coin in the world and food aplenty, but it didn’t matter when Margaux lacked the one thing she truly wanted: a family. Who were they? Where were they? Why had they abandoned her? Questions that had plagued her for most of her life. When she and Maurice traveled to the market one fine day to sell their wares, Margaux had no idea the answers she’d sought were so close. She could swear she’d been inside the strange castle before, but that was impossible. Entirely impossible…

anonymous asked:

My English teacher straight up told me TO MY FACE that she didn't like writing styles that are written "like a novel" right after she told the whole class that my writing style is "long and very descriptive" so guess what my essay title just went from "Freedom of Speech" to "The weaponization of the American Constitutions first amendment and how it affects the multitudes of minority groups who reside here." Have fun reading the Parisian sewer system: constitutional addition hope you enjoy bitch

LMAO why does an ENGLISH teacher of all people complain about an elaborate style? Shouldn’t she be happy to read something a bit different? I mean maybe the message behind it was “It takes me ages to grade and for it to get to the point” because if there’s one think teachers lack, it’s time x)


Nigeru wa Haji da ga Yaku ni Tatsu / We Got Married as a Job (2016)

Bless this show. Seriously bless this show. Despite my initial reservations I was completely won over. Aragaki Yui’s acting (for once) did not make me sigh in despair. But that is only the tip of all that’s great about this drama. Chemistry between the leads is one important thing (and made me grin like an idiot all throughout), but the writing is on a whole other level all together. 

I’m not sure how closely the drama followed the manga (so I don’t know who is the one to applaud here) but irregardless, the writing was excellent. The clever ‘daydreams’ that borrow from well known reality, variety, game shows as well as PC games never got old. I almost fell off my chair laughing when the Sanada Maru theme song started playing and the couple strategised complete with visuals - just like in the taiga drama. 

The characters were all quirky in one way or another, yet felt like honest portrayals of people that you and I would know in real life. In that vein, though Hiramasa and Mikuri’s relationship is so out of this world, it’s one of the most healthy and honest portrayals of a romantic relationship (and marriage in particular), that I’ve ever seen. We see the two leads grow and become more vulnerable and open, while continuing to hold on to their personalities. They had to mature, but in maturing they didn’t need to change the core of what makes them who they are. The way it plays out is all a little shy and a little distant (and distinctly Japanese in nature), yet it’s one of the rare times I’ve watched a show and thought, yes! This is what a normal relationship looks like! 

That’s not to say that dramas should show only healthy relationships. No, that’s not the point of TV at all. But in an industry saturated with shows where young people are taught to idolise violence and selfishness as ‘he’s secretly just into you’, and where women are shown to become bumbling idiots when in love, this show just a breath of fresh air ok? 

Despite the show’s pacing slowing down considerably in the last few episodes, nothing felt particularly convoluted or unnecessary. Such a satisfying drama. 

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me! - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I'd make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That's why we don't need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of... ...9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it's just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as... Honey! - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins. - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that. What's the difference? You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off in 27 million years. So you'll just work us to death? We'll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! "What's the difference?" How can you say that? One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make. I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We're bees. We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I've never seen them this close. They know what it's like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don't come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don't know. Their day's not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We're going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you're interested in? - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn't right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny. You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo! Let's open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"! I'm so proud. - We're starting work today! - Today's the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal... - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What's available? Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on. I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey's always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry? Barry! All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine... What happened to you? Where are you? - I'm going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted. It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy's in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That's awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let's move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I'm out! I can't believe I'm out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It's got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It's a little bit of magic. That's amazing. Why do we do that? That's pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I'm picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don't we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You're reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don't know, but I'm loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It's a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama's little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don't think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you're about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There's a bee in the car! - Do something! - I'm driving! - Hi, bee. - He's back here! He's going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don't move, he won't sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow... the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Oan't fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don't need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This... Drapes! That is diabolical. It's fantastic. It's got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What's number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don't go for that... ...kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn't talk to them. They're out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they're flabbergasted, can't believe what I say. There's the sun. Maybe that's a way out. I don't remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don't kill him! You know I'm allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I'm just saying all life has value. You don't know what he's capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I'm not scared of him. It's an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It's a bee law. You're not supposed to talk to a human. I can't believe I'm doing this. I've got to. Oh, I can't do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can't. How should I start it? "You like jazz?" No, that's no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I'm sorry. - You're talking. - Yes, I know. You're talking! I'm so sorry. No, it's OK. It's fine. I know I'm dreaming. But I don't recall going to bed. Well, I'm sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you're a bee! I am. And I'm not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn't for you... I had to thank you. It's just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I'm talking with a bee. - Yeah. I'm talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I'm grateful. I'll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. "Mama, Dada, honey." You pick it up. - That's very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn't laugh, we'd cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway... Oan I... ...get you something? - Like what? I don't know. I mean... I don't know. Ooffee? I don't want to put you out. It's no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It's just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don't be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn't. - Have some. - No, I can't. - Oome on! I'm trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don't help. You look great! I don't know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, "Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?" Is that a bee joke? That's the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don't know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can't do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look... There's my hive right there. See it? You're in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I'm right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It's like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I'll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it's no trouble. Sorry I couldn't finish it. If I did, I'd be up the rest of my life. Are you...? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then... I guess I'll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again... for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but... Anyway... This can't possibly work. He's all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can't believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don't. - How'd you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I'm glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your "experience." Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well... - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I'm not attracted to spiders. I know it's the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can't get by that face. So who is she? She's... human. No, no. That's a bee law. You wouldn't break a bee law. - Her name's Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She's so nice. And she's a florist! Oh, no! You're dating a human florist! We're not dating. You're flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin' stripey! And that's not what they eat. That's what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It's bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up... Sit down! ...really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We're us. There's us and there's them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There's no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He's in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It's been three days! Why aren't you working? I've got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You're barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father's talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I'm talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I'll catch up. Don't be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We're still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn't respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don't listen! I'm not listening to this. Sorry, I've gotta go. - Where are you going? - I'm meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can't decide? Bye. I just hope she's Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that's every florist's dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I've got one. How come you don't fly everywhere? It's exhausting. Why don't you run everywhere? It's faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That's insane! You don't have that? We have Hivo, but it's a disease. It's a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It's usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It's a bug. He's not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic 'N' Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You've really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I'll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don't have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it's hard to make it! There's heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It's organic. - It's our-ganic! It's just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don't know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You've taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it's on sale?! I'm getting to the bottom of this. I'm getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I'll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You're busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you'll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who's your supplier? I don't understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You're too late! It's ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they're on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You're not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I'm going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I'm going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It's your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I'm Oarl Kasell. But don't kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they're getting it. I mean, that honey's ours. - Bees hang tight. - We're all jammed in. It's a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you're out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don't want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood's about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I'd catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it's pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee's got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That's the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. "They make the honey, and we make the money"? Oh, my! What's going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn't last too long. Do you know you're in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes! That's a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There's hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That's a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That's a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He's been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn't stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it's true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That's a killer. There's only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive's only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I'm Bob Bumble. - And I'm Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we'll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we're talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, "I'm a kid from the hive. I can't do this"? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I'm from, we'd never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It's a common name. Next week... He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots... Next week... Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They're scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She's 81. Honey, her backhand's a joke! I'm not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I'm helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we're really busy working. But it's our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting... - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you're three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that's had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit's a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I'm done with the humans, they won't be able to say, "Honey, I'm home," without paying a royalty! It's an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It's pretty big, isn't it? I can't believe how many humans don't work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What's the matter? - I don't know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn't the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you're representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson... you're representing all the bees of the world? I'm kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we're ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man's divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn't some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there's no trickery here. I'm just an ordinary bee. Honey's pretty important to me. It's important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we're the little guys! I'm hoping that, after this is all over, you'll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he'd dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don't imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn't hear you. - No. - No. Because you don't free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They're very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How'd you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that's enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you've never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven't. No, you haven't. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I'm feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say... Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That's not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you're devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that's ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn't. But is this what it's come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don't have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn't a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn't someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You're all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury's on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I'm a florist. Right. Well, here's to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn't think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but... the battery. I didn't want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There's a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you're quite a tennis player. I'm not much for the game myself. The ball's a little grabby. That's where I usually sit. Right... there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn't really a special skill. You think I don't see what you're doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That's just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I'm going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I've just about had it with your little mind games. - What's that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that's a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can't seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I'm wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I've got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You're bluffing. - Am I? Surf's up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don't even like honey! I don't eat it! We need to talk! He's just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I've met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you're one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night... My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I'm sorry about all that. I know it's got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn't overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he's considered one of the best lawyers... Yeah. Layton, you've gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it's gonna be all over. Don't worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don't like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I'll ask you what I think we'd all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We're friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute... Are you her little... ...bedbug? I've seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn't your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but... - So those aren't your real parents! - Oh, Barry... - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You're an illegitimate bee, aren't you, Benson? He's denouncing bees! Don't y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I'm going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don't! It's what he wants! Oh, I'm hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can't treat them like equals! They're striped savages! Stinging's the only thing they know! It's their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can't feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I... I blew the whole case, didn't I? It doesn't matter. What matters is you're alive. You could have died. I'd be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there's a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can't explain it. It was all... All adrenaline and then... and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I'm sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We're just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don't know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn't sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don't check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don't smoke. Right. Bees don't smoke. Bees don't smoke! But some bees are smoking. That's it! That's our case! It is? It's not over? Get dressed. I've gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you've done step correctly, you're ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it's interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don't make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about... Your Honor, haven't these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court's valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I'm afraid I'm going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery's motion. But you can't! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It's a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn't hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, "Smoking or non?" Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He's playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I'm OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won't have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You'll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery's right? - What do you mean? We've been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we'll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We're all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He'll have nauseous for a few hours, then he'll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames... But it's just a prance-about stage name! ...unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan't breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there's gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We've never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We're shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn't believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What's going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They're home. They don't know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn't? It's the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now... Now I can't. I don't understand why they're not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They're doing nothing. It's amazing. Honey really changes people. You don't have any idea what's going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They're all wilting. Doesn't look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I'm gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn't think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It's notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That's our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course... The human species? So if there's no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn't it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I'll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry... sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They've moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It's the last chance I'll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I'm sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can't do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That's why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I've ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I've made it worse. Actually, it's completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it's greater than my previous ideas combined. I don't want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they've got back here with what we've got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They've got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It's real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I'm the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I'm getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let's see what this baby'll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic... ...without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there's no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It's part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we're lucky, we'll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It's got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we'll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They'll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I'd like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I'm in a real situation. - What'd you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don't freak out! My entire species... What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I'm an attorney! - Who's an attorney? Don't move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One's bald, one's in a boat, they're both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one's flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What's your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I'm a florist from New York. Where's the pilot? He's unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who's that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It's got giant wings, huge engines. I can't fly a plane. - Why not? Isn't John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We're headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory... That's Barry! ...is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There's a bee on that plane. I'm quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They've done enough damage. But isn't he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn't be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small... Haven't we heard this a million times? "The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense." - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We're going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That's why I want to get bees back to working together. That's the bee way! We're not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn't so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we're not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let's get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I'd do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don't have to yell. I'm not yelling! We're in a lot of trouble. It's very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It's not a tone. I'm panicking! I can't do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it's my turn. How is the plane flying? I don't know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let's drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can't see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It's all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I'm feeling something. - What? - I don't know. It's strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We're going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That's it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I'm aiming at the flower! That's a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This's the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don't be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we're not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We're the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we're gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We're bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You've earned this. Yeah! I'm a Pollen Jock! And it's a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That's our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now's the time. I got a feeling we'll be working late tonight! Here's your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who's next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don't forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it's all me. And I don't see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I'm sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I'm late. He's a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can't get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You're a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who's next? All right, scramble, jocks! It's time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let's just stop for a second. Hold it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. Oan we stop here? I'm not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys.I had virtually no rehearsal for that.

the entire bee movie script because of the stupid text post asking if it could fit in the title thing. i have so many regrets

heart scope

He thinks a lot about all the things he will forget, the sound of Remus’s croaky morning voice at breakfast, his mums favourite skirt, how he sits three rows back from the front in Transfiguration because then McGonagall can’t reach out and smack him with her wand from the front.

It’s a horrible feeling, this forgetting. Once he overhears Evangeline Watts talking about her Grandfather and this muggle illness he has which makes him slowly forget everything in his life, whether it matters or not. He’s awake for the entire night later imagining what it would feel like to lose things like that, as if memories were water in cupped hands.

He falls asleep the next day in class and Evans tips half her water bottle down the back of his jumper to wake him up. He yells and gets a detention from Slughorn for swearing while Snape smirks underneath his curtain of grease. He calls him a waste of space later while everyone laughs and Snape burns, cheeks hot and hollow. He doesn’t even know why he hates him so much, probably the muggle hating and pure blood mania. Yup, definitely the muggle hating and pure blood mania.  

The thing is, Evans is apparently oblivious to the muggle hating and pure blood mania, so she hates his guts for calling her best friend worthless even though he is.  It shouldn’t matter that she doesn’t like him, a lot of people don’t like him, it’s just that he likes her. And it’s not love, because he’s fifteen and an asshole still but he likes her a lot more than he’s willing to admit to Sirius even while drunk on the firewhiskey they stole from the teacher’s lounge.

She’s smart, except for the whole ‘friends with Snivellus’ thing; she’s really sarcastic and wears huge black combat boots underneath her robes with tiny red flowers doodles on the foot. Her friends are loud and they love her in that weird way that girls do, absolutely and while laughing. She writes everything down in this purple notebook with grass stains on the cover. Her hair is to her shoulders and it twists when she laughs, she’s the only person in the entire school who has ever called Sirius an: ‘expired sack of dragon shit’ and walked away without looking back to gage reaction.

He provokes her in class just so she’ll twist in her seat and ruin him with her mouth, showing all her teeth when she calls him a dick for the thirteenth time that day and it’s not even noon. Sirius thinks he’s mad but he doesn’t care, Evans is so goddamn interesting and he wants to talk to her until he can figure out why.

Over Christmas break he goes home and misses school like a toothache, he wants to walk into class and slide across desks until McGonagall walks in and gives him detention. School is where he can hang out with his mates every day and learn stuff and run around during full moons. They go back and he and Peter paint a banner that says ‘WELCOME TO OUR HUMBLE SCHOOL, PLEASE PAY A THREE GALLEON ENTRY FEE AT DOOR.’ They make 87 galleons and a toothpick before a teacher catches on. He gets detention for two weeks and hexes Snape’s legs together when he catches him laughing.

He’s not a violent person, but Snape deserves all the shit he gets and Evans throws her wand at him later in the common room but he’d do it again. He’s not a bad person, he isn’t, but Snape makes him want to punch a wall on account of him being a bigoted arsehole. Whatever, this whole thing should be over soon anyway.

He turns is his muggle studies homework late because Sirius stole it to try and prove to Moony that he could: ‘make Prongs slowly lose his mind while he looks for it’. As payback he tells him he pissed in his morning cornflakes and Sirius spits them up all over a stack of toast looking horrified. Peter and Remus laugh so hard they get cramps. He loves his mates, they’re shitty and irritating and funny and losers and if he didn’t have them he’d probably have ceased to exist a long time ago.

Over Christmas she gets a huge white cat which is utterly feral, Sirius starts calling it a polar bear behind her back until everyone is calling it that. Its real name is Ophelia because it’s her mum’s favourite character in some muggle play and it’s the fattest animal that has ever existed, once Marlene and Mary have to lather a door in butter just to pry it through. Lily loves it still and wraps it in scarfs when it’s cold. She’s barking mad and he tells her so but she says she just ‘doesn’t give a shit’ which makes him laugh.

In Charms they have to say the best thing they got for Christmas because Flitwick had only planned for half the lesson, Sirius says a headache and Remus says some new boots. Pete got some orange leg warmers which are awful, Marlene McKinnon refused to say anything because she ‘hates Christmas and all the joy it stands for’, Avery had ‘to many to pick from’, Jane Ruvesh announces she got dumped and then runs out crying while Lyle Parrish looks uncomfortable.

Mary was given a new set of hair curling potions and Evans says her stupid cat, which makes everyone groan and then makes everyone flinch back when she glares at them for groaning. Snape says under his breath that he got a bath towel and James leaves class avoiding his eyes. It’s one thing to give shit to a guy who’s a shit, but it’s another to give shit to a guy after you’ve just found out the best thing he got for Christmas was a bath towel.

There are other Slytherins to fight with anyway, Mulciber who grinds his teeth when Mary walks past and runs his fingers along her arm, Remus throws him against the wall and then Sirius is lazily cursing someone who tries to intervene and then it’s all gone to hell anyway. He punches anyone in sight and curses anyone dumb enough to not move out of his way and then it’s to Dumbledore’s to get a detention again. Fighting does nothing, he knows that, but he’s got to feel like he’s doing something.

He’s partnered with Evans in detention to scrub the fourth floor corridor. He asks her what she did and she says “I punched Markham Finch in the dick for saying that Ophelia isn’t so much an animal as she is a block of fat with legs”. His hand slips into his soapy bucket he’s laughing so hard, leaning against the wall and watching her grin at the soaking floor. She scrubs the left side and he does the right, they don’t speak much because even though he laughed and she didn’t hit him for it, it didn’t mean she still didn’t hate him quite a bit.

His mother writes, Lily buys a new pen for the purple notebook and he plays Quidditch, they win and Pete smuggles in firewhiskey for the party. It’s loud and Sophie Mallory’s homework gets ripped but the music is thumping so no one can hear her yelling. Lily does half a strip tease on the table before passing out into Remus’s arms and being dragged to bed by Marlene. James makes out with Rosaline Patel under the boys staircase and Sirius gives a speech about the muggle feminist movement on the table while pissed because he actually read Sophie Mallory’s homework and was the one who accidentally ripped it while waving it under Remus’s nose.

Once her Transfiguration book goes missing (cue the joke about the cat eating it for a light snack) and she’s pacing up and down the common room while Mary is all ‘you can borrow mine’ and Marlene is saying ‘just drop out’ and then Evangeline hits her for being negative. He charms the name off the front of his and slips it to her at breakfast when she’s talking to Dominic, she looks around and asks whose it is but he faces front and eats his toast without saying anything. “Well, um, thank you! Mysterious book giver!” she calls when leaving the hall and he’d probably give her both kidneys if she asked.

During muggle studies they learn about muggle physics and some guy’s law that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Basically everything you do will affect something else, whether it is a person or a place and he doesn’t know why this so hitting him so hard now. Everything he’s ever done has affected some other person with a brain and a favourite colour and a next door neighbour they’ve probably said hello to in the rain. Why, he thinks, is this the first time he’s ever noticed that.

Lily gets sick and isn’t in lessons for a week, which makes him notice that he notices an awful lot when she isn’t there and he finally resolves to just try and bloody get over it. He doesn’t know how, but he’s going to because this crush has gone on long enough and ignoring it has done nothing but give him a semi in the middle of Charms. She walks into Herbology on her first day back, sneezes, and passes out against the glass. His heart stops to scrape along the barrel of ribs and he ditches his next three classes in the bathroom, smoking to cover the fact that his hands are shaking until he hears from Jimmy Ivis that she’s okay. This entire thing has gotten out of hand.

She’s in class again three days later and he sees her, sitting there next to Marlene and writing in that purple notebook, and he lets out a breath he didn’t even know he’d been holding. He doodle’s her name on the back of his textbook the whole way though the lesson and she hugs Snape in the corridor and his gut is twisting and he hates this, he doesn’t want to be this guy. He hates these guys and without realising he has become one entirely on fucking accident.

This is how it happens: there is exams, and he is cocky, and Snape is Snape and she is far too loyal. Maybe if it wasn’t sunny they wouldn’t have gone outside, maybe if he’d done badly on the exam he wouldn’t have left, maybe if he wasn’t an asshole it wouldn’t have happened.

But it did. And when he thinks about it, her face and the way he saw the exact moment that all of the blood poured out of her heart, he buries his head in his pillow and all at once wishes that he could forget the entirety of his life if only to never have to live through that moment again.

A week later, Sophie Mallory, the one who did her muggle studies assignment on the feminist movement and who smiled with chip on her bottom tooth because she flew into a wall during second year Quidditch, is found in the attic of the potions room after some student complained that blood was leaking into his potion from the ceiling. She’d been lying there half naked for the entire night, passed out with ‘DIRTY’ carved into every inch of her skin with a cursed knife so you could almost see the bone. When he hears, he goes to the bathroom and throws up, chest heaving and heart rearranging itself inside his ribs.

After that everything is completely different, because this couldn’t be fixed by punching Avery in the jaw. No more fighting, no more using this… thing that’s happening as an excuse to get into it with the Slytherins. No more hiding behind being noble so he can get in fights with people he just doesn’t like. What was something that seemed to happen to other people is suddenly happening to girls he’s known since he was eleven, who did their muggle studies projects on the feminist movement and chipped their tooth during second year Quidditch.

The holidays happen in a blur, and then it’s back to school, sitting in the back and biting his tongue when Snape answers questions in class. He avoids Lily, sneaks around her and misses her like she was his arm. But this is what he’s doing right now, because Snape is all over her and all she wants is for the both of them to leave her alone. All James wants is for her to be happy and all Snape wants is for her to be his.

It starts slowly; she borrows a quill from him to finish her History of Magic Essay. He silently gives her his telescope when she forgets hers for Astronomy. She gently points out that he’s spelt Jupiter’s third moon wrong on his Divination Star Chart. They don’t talk still, but she snickers into her hand when he makes a deer pun in class and he can’t stop smiling for the rest of the lesson.

They’re partnered up for Herbology, and it’s the most uncomfortable ten minutes of his life as they both silently try to clip the Vicious-Visper-Vine, which steams when handled. The silence is digging into his teeth as he scrambles around for something, anything to say, that doesn’t sound terrible.

“You’re not going to faint again are you?” he asks and fuck, he was aiming for something not terrible.


She looks at him, surprised. “You- um, you remember that?”

He looks back at her, the plant beginning to snake around his hand. “’Course I remember that, you got a bruise the size of my ego, which, as we’ve established, could crush several people under its weight.”

She laughs at this, and then the god damn vine has found a hole in his glove and his left hand is burning so much it might as well be on fire. She takes him up the hospital wing and eats the food Madam Pomfrey brings him at lunch while trying to say ‘Vicious-Visper-Vine’ five times fast. He laughs so hard that Pomfrey sends her away and she grins at him from the window for seven minutes trying to get him to laugh so he can get kicked out as well. It works to.

He yells “VICIOUS-VESPER-VINE-VICIOUS-VESPER-VINE-VICIOUS-VESPER-VINE-VICIOUS-VESPER-VINE- VICIOUS-VESPER-VINE HA SUCK IT EVANS” down the hall the next time he sees her, and she grins and raises her middle finger in the air so high that Minnie sees it and gives her a detention. Then she turns to him and snaps “ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU POTTER AND I’LL GIVE YOU A DENTENTION AS WELL” so he shouts “ONE MORE WORD” and gets his twenty-first detention in a month while Evans giggles herself to death against the wall.

In detention they have to catalogue all the library books and she finds all the ones with swearwords and reads them aloud while sitting in the table. In Defence they’re put together and she blocks his jelly legs like it’s nothing, then turns his hair into a hoard of ants. She sits across from his at breakfast and makes fun of how much milk he puts on his cornflakes so he takes all the honey off the table and hides it so she can’t put any on her toast. The next week he finds his bed dripping in honey with her sitting on Sirius’s bed, wearing a shit-eating grin the size of Brighton. They’ve become friends while he wasn’t looking and he doesn’t really know what to do with that.

Her cat gets something in its paw and while he’s holding it down she tries to get it out. It scratches her neck and she uses a cushion to stem the blood while still fighting with the cat. She’s honestly insane. She tells him that Ophelia is named for a character in the play Hamlet, so he orders a copy and finishes it in three weeks while not understanding a single thing. What he does grasp however, after asking Remus to read it to, is that Ophelia dies by drowning, which is completely ironic.

“How do you figure?” she asks, throwing a balled up piece of paper while lying flat on his bed

“Because you named your cat after someone that drowned. Your cat. When cats hate water.”


She turns to him, stares, and then starts laughing so hard she rolls off his bed and onto the floor. And then he’s laughing because she is, and he really just can’t help himself. She asks him why he does Divination at all and he says because he and Sirius put on a huge act of predicting Sirius’s imminent death at the end of every class, complete with Sirius fainting into his arms with horror and paying Moony three galleons to make the lights flicker. The next Tuesday just before Sirius is due to faint he sees her sitting on the roof outside the window, and he’s so surprised he forgets to catch Sirius, who falls into a bunch of candles almost fulfils the prediction.

He notices that purple notebook of hers, how she pulls it out during classes and while sitting on the floor with her friends. He wonders what she writes in there, if she draws pictures of if it’s a diary. The grass stains, he realises, come from her going to lie down in the grass outside while using a muggle pen to write with. He’s never seen one before in his life, and she shows him how it writes without any ink as he imagines all of the fantastic pranks he could pull on Sirius. He tells her this, and they scheme together, leaning against a tree and eventually falling asleep, with her legs over his and head against his shoulder. That is, until Minnie is hovering over them in her tartan dressing gown and kicking him in the leg, yelling about it being two in the morning, but whatever. Worth it.

She and her friends throw bread rolls they stole from lunch at him while he’s doing Quidditch practise. Soon, this becomes a thing and Sirius, Remus and Peter have all joined in, saying it’s ‘bludger practise’ and ‘for the good of the game’. He catches five in his mouth in a row once and she charms his robes to flash ‘BIG MOUTH’ on the butt. He can’t stop thinking about that detention an age ago, when they scrubbed the fourth floor corridor in silence and how she had hated him.

He can’t even imagine doing that now, being in a room with Lily and not talking would be walking past a black hole and not getting sucked in. There is just so much he wants to tell her, about pranks and how he is allergic to strawberries and that one time he fell off the roof and broke his jaw when he was eight. He wants to learn everything about her, if she likes chocolate or vanilla, what her favourite song when she was five, how did the first pet she had die, would she go to space if she could, how she knew she was a wizard.

(vanilla, ‘if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands’, it was a frog and she sprayed it with the families hose so hard it fell off a ledge,  hell yes, because flowers didn’t die once she picked them)

In the month till the Quidditch final he loses his mind, practising every day and slipping out of conversations to go over strategy in his head. He can’t lose this, expectations piled so high that he wonders if his broom will be able to take the weight. “Relax James,” she says at breakfast, while they’re walking the halls, in the common room, “Everything will be fine.” Her voice sort of, quiets that part of his brain a little. It often plays on loops as he tries to fall asleep.

Then all at once, it is too much again. He’s pacing the common room at three .a.m., scared out of his mind that he’s going to let everybody down.  It’s too hard and he’s going to fail and oh no oh no oh no but then she’s there, holding his face and saying shhh James, it’s okay. James, look at me, alright? Just look at me. And he is. Oh god he is.

They play the game, and they win, and there is a party, and everyone is drunk, and it is madness. They spill out into the castle with Sirius roaring ‘WE MURDERED THEM’ while running up and down the halls topless, making three girls faint and Remus roll his eyes before (after three more drinks) joining in. He’s happy, because he did it and because everyone else is. That’s the best thing about Quidditch, besides flying, it makes everyone delirious. He stops Marlene from going upstairs with Lyle Parrish because she’ll regret it in the morning and Mary is found trying to convince a suit of armour to go stargazing with her at around three.

He notices she isn’t there because he always notices. He finds her on the pitch, after wandering around empty classrooms for an hour. She’s looking up at the sky, with her purple notebook in one hand and the other tracing shapes on her knee. It’s cold, and he runs out to her, standing the middle of the field like a post. “Congratulations” she says and he can’t stop looking at her. He can see her through the dark, glowing right through her t-shirt.

“Yeah.” He swallows because he’s had a few and so has she and it’s foggy and she’s still looking at the sky and he wants to do something but he doesn’t know what. He’s thinking of pulling out a cigarette just so his hands stop shaking and all at once he’s fifteen again, pacing the bathroom and thinking of her until his brain wants to bleed out. She’s looking at him now, really looking, and then she’s on the ground scribbling in the goddamn purple notebook with the grass stains

“Why are you always writing in that thing?” he says because he can see her combat boots with the flowers on the toe sticking out from under her palepale legs like a dream.

She shuts it and stands upright again, head tilted to him and voice unwavering. “Because I never want to forget.” She says and he can see her breath in front of him. Her combat boots look just the same as they did two years ago when he was fifteen and she tipped water down the back of his jumper and it wasn’t love then but it is now. It is now.

Jungkook in my dream last night

Idk what’s with jungkook and his suddenly urge to show up in my dream and leaving me dumbfounded , but he appeared again. We were college students this time and my university somehow changed. I was exploring the new buildings and jungkook was like a classmate /friend but not someone I’d hang out with often. There was a hidden floor high up in The building where ppl would study /hang out or have fun .Not to lie , this was the coolest place of all campus , it was like a “fake” library . There was tons of books, but no one really studied there haha. I met jungkook in the hallway next to that place and he was Talking to Jeon Somi in korean lol all I understood from jungkook was : “ all of this was in the past , come on! ” . Somi was my friend as well and it was such a natural scene lol But it was so weird to see jungkook talking informally to Somi, high key calling her “Somi-ah”. Seems like being the “oppa” makes him feel rather comfortable in some cases ;) 😂😂😂 I felt proud of my son 😭 Fast forward , I ended up dragging jungkook with me in the hidden library and he was speaking English so fluently like ???????!!!! I showed him a few cute books from childhood (because yes these kind of books were there haha ) and I casually asked him what’s the next song he’s planning to cover. He gave me some super long title song , I don’t even remember what it was , and apparently the artist who sings it is “Lindt” and Like??!! THAT’S A BRAND OF CHOCOLATE JUNGKOOK???! IT CAN’T BE THE ARTIST OF A SONG LOL. Even in the dream , I asked him to repeat it like 3 times 😂 and then he slowly walked away and the last thing he told me before leaving was : “ You should sing more often , it’s fun . See you next time👋” and then in my brain i was like ??? How tf does he know this shit ???? #kookilluminati And then HE JUST DISAPPEARED AND JDDJJXDKK

Originally posted by askmeifimadalek