what a life i lead

anonymous asked:

About the post you reblogged (Steven universe is the opposite of eating pussy) actually the first time my gf and I had sex we watched Steven universe first and then I ate her out so idk what kind of life you lead

I check my inbox for the first time in a week and it’s good to see that you’re all still lying to me

yesterday my roommate found and subsequently lost a cockroach in our dorm and then left me alone to deal with it

so i googled some shit and fucking macgver’d the hell out of a roach trap with a salsa jar, some soda, and a packet of KY lube

when brett got home at like 2am i was fuckin hellishly explaining in precise detail how the trap worked (i was very very sleep deprived) as the roach would be able to climb up the paper towel wrapped around the outside of the jar to satisfy his lust for soda, but once he got in there’d be no escape as he would be unable to scale my lubricated glass jar walls. i guaranteed (a little hastily) that this would catch him overnight with 100% certainty

this morning when i got out of bed my first and only thought was to go check and see if i got him and it was in that moment i stopped and kinda felt like i hit the pinnacle of college lifestyle. what the fuck was i doing. like what kind of life was i leading where i am getting up at 8 in the morning out of pure exhilaration like a fucking child on christmas morning checking if santa came and left presents under the tree except i’m going to check the garbage salsa jar to see if theres a well lubricated roach slurpin on my soda. what life am i living where that end result would be the highlight of my day, would feel like an achievement

anyways the roach isnt in the jar and im disappointed

To anyone who says “[Character] is [insert]sexual and everything else is wrong because I said so! uwuwu”

To anyone who says “[Character] is obviously [insert gender identity here], so if you’re viewing them differently, you’re the worst uwuwuwu”

To anyone who harrasses others and/or talks shit about them because they headcanon something differently and thus, want to invalidate these people’s opinions in any way.


“So, Ji Ho, as always will choose the path toward her happiness.

And I, for as long as we are married, will not hinder that decision.

The only thing I can promise is that.”

~Because This is My First Life~

Harry Styles vs Niall Horan
  • Niall: I forget you're not here when I close my eyes. Do you still think of me sometimes? (Too much to ask)
  • Harry: Woke up alone in this hotel room. Played with myself, where were you? (From the dining table)
  • Harry: Tell me something I don't already know. (ESNY)
  • Niall: And I tell you things you've never heard before. (Flicker)
  • Harry: Understand I'm talking to the walls. (ESNY)
  • Niall: Asking questions to the ceiling. (Flicker)
  • Harry: I just left your bedroom. (Meet me in the hallway)
  • Niall: He closed the door. (Mirrors)
  • Niall: I lead a selfish life, cause it's what I need. (You and me)
  • Harry: I'm selfish, I know. (Woman)

I love fan fiction!! They are the main reason for me to visit any fandom!!
Today is fanfic writer appreciation day, which should be everyday, because who doesn’t read fan fiction every day!!!! Who isn’t on tumblr everyday following and waiting for updates and responses or anything from their fav authors!!!

Send them love!! Be nice to them!!!  Everyone is happy to be noticed in a positive way. Leave your shyness and anxiety behind for this one good thing!! Flail and stutter and be dumb and awkward with them!! When your intentions are honest and positive you can’t say anything wrong!!! 11 out of 10 will flail and stutter right back at you.

They all have a good heart to open up to us through words and stories!!! That takes so much blood and courage!! Respect that!!!
And many writers are troubled with thousands of issues, adult stuff, low self-esteem and anxiety and so on, because they are humans and care about too many things. So give them an ego-boost every now and then!!! Everyone benefits from happy writers!!

Keep reading

y’all i’m living for Because This is My First Life


Function pairs: the stereotype and the goal

Te with lower Fi: 

Stereotype: Te: I MUST CONTROL AND WIN AT EVERYTHING AT ALL COSTS MUAHAHAHAHAHA. Fi: (whispers) But what about morals?

Goal: Te: I have a lot of goals and ways to work towards those goals, and I act based on logic and external standards of achievement. Fi: That’s great! Remember that there are also internal standards of achievement, and that acknowledgement of your own needs is not counter to your goals even if it slows your progress a little.

Fi with lower Te:

Stereotype: Fi: I GOTS TO BE ME AND IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT YOU DON’T GET IT. Te: um maybe do stuff sometimes? If you want to.

Goal: Fi: I have a firm belief in what is important to me and I want to live consistently with that. Te: As well you should. However, you will need to show others why your position is important and why you’re worth listening to in a logical way sometimes. Be prepared to do so.

Fe with lower Ti:

Stereotype: Fe: I love everyone! I hope they love me! I’m happy if they’re happy! Feelings! Ti: (doesn’t exist)

Goal: Fe: I want to engage with people meaningfully and make sure our group dynamics are working out well for everyone. Ti: Did someone say optimization? I can consider people’s likes and dislikes and find a solution that is best suited to bring about agreement.

Ti with lower Fe:

Stereotype: Ti: EVERYTHING IS BLUEPRINTS and I have analyzed all of the deep web time to get started on some elaborate unsolved cryptid puzzles. Fe: How do I people and outside?

Goal: Ti: I want things to make logical sense and to be able to apply the systems I developed to everything. Fe: That’s great! People don’t always work in a predictable way. Perhaps you can think of them in terms of something like chaos theory, and engage with them to make sure your systems are understandable to others.

Ne with lower Si:

Stereotype: Ne: hahhahaha monkeys and biscuits! I’m such a random nerd lol! Si: (narrator voice) But their randomness was only hiding…a haunted past.

Goal: Ne: I have a lot of ideas! Everything gives me ideas and I want to explore them all and see what concepts will develop from each path - it’s impossible to choose! Si: We can get an idea of how things are likely to turn out from our past experience, so that might help you decide which possibilities are likely to yield more interesting paths to follow.

Si with lower Ne: 

Stereotype: Si: I’ve memorized the law spreadsheets and it’s 5 pm sharp so it’s time to go home to my 2.5 picket fences. Consistent is the life I lead. Ne: BUT WHAT IF SOMETHING EXPLODES? I DON’T KNOW WHAT, JUST SOMETHING?!

Goal: Si: I like to approach things with caution and understand how they are likely to play out. To do this I plan, using my past experience to guide my current actions. Ne: Sometimes, though, you inevitably find yourself in an unfamiliar scenario, and I can help either link a past experience that at first glance doesn’t seem related but can guide you here, or help you handle the unfamiliarity if it’s truly new.

Se with lower Ni: 

Stereotype: Se: SEX AND DRUGS AND ROCK N’ ROLL AND SKYDIVING!!!!!! Ni: too bad death is inevitable at all times.

Goal: Se: I don’t want to commit to just one thing when the world is constantly changing - I want to make sure I’m able to fully engage with everything as it happens and appreciate the richness of the experience. Ni: And when you do need to plan for the long term more, I can draw an abstract conclusion from all of those rich experiences and guide you.

Ni with lower Se: 

Stereotype: Ni: I see the future. I see dead people? Maybe. It’s all connected. Se: I am a clumsy, beautiful woman in a romantic comedy! Sometimes I forget to eat because I’m thinking so hard!

Goal: Ni: I have a vision of how things are supposed to be. I like things to unfold as I expect them and I plan to ensure this happens. Se: But occasionally, things don’t occur as you’d expect, and this can be either good or bad. If it’s good I can help you say yes to something you wouldn’t have otherwise done - it could change your perspective! And if it’s bad I can give you the tools to respond quickly.

anonymous asked:

Some Jumin x MC anniversary fluff head canons

a|n y’all know how lovely of a request this is and thank you for giving me such fluffy material to write. here you go!! happy reading!!

Jumin and MC’s Anniversary

  • so it’s not new information to us how much Jumin loves and values you
  • and it’s not new that the man happens to love giving gifts to you every single chance he got, thinking that the gifts were pieces of you he has to find and acquire
  • Jumin is the kind of husband that does not only worship you through the sheets but as well as every ground you walk on
  • he would make sure you’re happy and contented while married to him
  • but one thing that is most likely to disrupt your happy ever after is the fact that he spends 60% of his time at the company working
  • and what’s heart quenching was the fact that, as time dragged on, that 60% gradually grew to an astounding 80%
  • in short, he’d leave you at home and work for days - not just inside the country but outside as well ( he’d be calling but sometimes hearing his voice ain’t enough smh )
  • yes, god, you understand why he have to leave
  • why he always end up leaving
  • but is it really just enough to understand?
  • were you given any choice? no. that’s right. none.
  • one night without him by your side as you lay on the massive bed alone even got you thinking ‘what if i married a different man?’
  • ‘what would my life be like if i ended up not marrying him?’
  • ‘what if i chose to lead a simple life without all these luxuries?’
  • you knew you could do without all the extravagant living
  • you and him in a simple home would suffice enough
  • but no, he had to leave, to work and to slowly destroy your marriage so that you two can live a life without worrying about expenditures
  • there were nights where you couldn’t help but stifle a soft sob as you hugged the usual pillows he uses on rare occasions that he’s home
  • it was so sad that the 80% now turned into very rare occasions
  • you’d be falling asleep without him and waking up next to a used side of the bed, his smell on the sheets the only lingering evidence that he was there
  • he’d be gone for various business trips for weeks and would only be home for a few hours
  • the feeling of loneliness, desertion and discontentment grew bigger and without control until it was finally almost your first anniversary
  • you wanted to complain or at least tell him you’re not happy with this set-up but every time he gets home on those rare occasions, you would bite back your tongue from complaining as you get hit by the fact that Jumin is dead tired
  • he always looked tired lately
  • but he would look at you with love and appreciation on his eyes
  • it’s hard, isn’t it? marrying an extremely successful business man
  • and of course, you just have to understand
  • “Honey.” his deep baritone broke your daydreaming as he walked to you while fixing his tie, one early morning - he had been home the previous night and waited for you to wake up
  • “Uhm … Do you know what today is?” you asked, hopeful that at least he remembered
  • he furrowed his brows as he looked at you questioningly - not a clue about what you were talking about, “Hm? Is there something special about today?”
  • you were expecting him to say anything about today but he just had to forget that today is your anniversary
  • “Ah. No, not really. Don’t mind me.” you tried to sound relaxed and happy even if you’d be lying in front of his face about how you feel
  • something that Jumin is not particularly fond of
  • your lips were trembling and all you could do is bite it to prevent you from lashing out about him forgetting what today was
  • “Alright. Though, I’d be gone again for days …” he drawled, his hands now cupping your face as you tried to lean in to the touch, enjoying the warmth of his touch
  • you were kind of expecting him to greet you, really, not this
  • you fluttered your eyes towards his face, carefully memorizing the features you adored - every nook and cranny of the face of the man who captured your heart
  • “I’m sorry …” he said, his voice now small and sad, his thumb now caressing your cheek, “As much as I hate leaving you, my love …”
  • “Mhmm. It’s fine.” you casually said, suppressing the restrain on your voice, “I understand.” you have no other choice.
  • “Don’t look at me that way …” he breathed, his eyes now burning with desire, anger and helplessness, “It makes it harder for me to leave, as hard as it already is.”
  • “… I’m sorry. You should do what you should do, alright?” you said, wrapping your arms around his waist, pulling him closer and god he smelled so wonderful. just like after shave and sandalwood.
  • you felt him heave a sigh as he planted a kiss on your temple, his arms now wrapped around you, pulling you closer
  • “Just a little more …” you heard him say, his voice calm and soothing as he ran his hand up and down your back, “I promise,”
  • although you didn’t understand why he said that, you slightly nodded your head as a sign of understanding
  • Yes. You have to understand. You need to.
  • “Go. I’ll be right here, okay? Go or you’ll be late. It won’t look good on your records, Mr. Director.” you laughed as he tightened his hold on you even more
  • you felt your heart tug at the gesture - yes, you truly love this man with all of your heart, no question at that … but sometimes it just gets really hard and lonely
  • he released you from his hold and planted a small, lingering kiss on your lips, then he locked his eyes with yours, his deep metallic sets were hypnotizing
  • “Wait for me.”
  • and then he was gone
  • once his presence completely disappeared, you felt your heart sank as you sat down on the bed, reality dousing you with the cold truth
  • you’re all alone again
  • you let out a small sob, your tears racing down from your eyes one by one
  • it felt like a lid has been lifted off of you due to that conversation
  • A little more? A little more when? A little more when loneliness finally ate you alive?
  • you wiped your tears as you briskly walked towards the closet
  • once you opened it, your eyes landed on a custom suitcase Jumin got you last year for christmas
  • you felt fresh batch of tears fall down as you pulled the suitcase out, your decision finally setting
  • you have been preparing for this day - you need a break
  • Sometimes, love just ain’t enough.
  • just as you were about to finish packing, a ring on your phone interrupted you
  • you picked it up and was surprised to see that it was Jaehee
  • “Good morning, Mrs. Han.” her voice sounded happy as she teased you
  • if these were like any normal day, you would have felt your face blush … but the heaviness of reality was stopping you
  • Mrs. Han …
  • “MC? Are you there? Did I dial the wrong number …” she inquired again, the last of her words more like a whisper
  • you cleared your throat before answering, “Yes? Jaehee?” you answered while releasing a half-assed chuckle, “Good morning to you too …”
  • “Oh. There you are. You sound a bit odd. Are you alright?” she queried with a worry laced tone
  • you assured her that you are and that there was nothing wrong
  • you both chatted a bit when Jaehee finally turned a bit serious
  • on the call, she instructed you to go get dressed immediately and invited you to take a walk with her
  • even though you were a bit puzzled with the sudden invitation, you gingerly got yourself ready and wore the best white dress you could find just as she instructed you to do so
  • but you were surprised to see Jumin’s bodyguards lined up outside the room when you went out
  • they were all holding a piece of stemmed red rose on their hands
  • you bit back an amused chuckle as they all smiled at you while handing you the flower together with a wish of congratulations so cute
  • your gaze flicked down and you nearly gasped when you saw a small path made by parallel-arranged candles and rose petals
  • curiously, you followed the path while tightly holding all the roses the bodyguards gave you - now, the flowers looked like a bouquet of reds on your hands
  • you noticed that the path was leading you to your massive balcony
  • and when you finally reached the entrance
  • you gasped, your heart pounding hard, seemingly wanting to jump out of your chest
  • for there he was, the man you love the most, the reason of your joy and sorrow, standing beside a carefully arranged table for two with rustic tabletop decor with candles, wearing a white tuxedo and the most handsome smile on the entire universe
  • he looked divine
  • “Ah. I see that you got my flowers …” he drawled and grinned handsomely, taking all his time in the world while walking towards you
  • oh how you wished for time to fast forward
  • He’s here! was what your mind screamed, your eyes now swelling up while your legs suddenly became wobbly
  • “H-Honey, I …” you sobbed as he finally reached you and pulled you in a tight hug
  • “Hush. Don’t let me be the reason for your tears.” he said as his other hand rubbed your back while his other was resting on the side of your waist, “I know what you’ve been feeling … And as much as it hurts me, I am aware of my shortcomings. It’s my fault you’re feeling that way … though I’ve promised you happiness with me. For that, I’m very sorry.”
  • you cried even more, your emotions scattering all over the place
  • “What can I do to stop the pain, love?” he asked, his voice low and husky, “Hm. I believe I told you to just wait a little more, yes?”
  • you gently nodded as you tightened your hold against him, pulling him closer towards your body which made Jumin release a blithe laughter
  • “The time has come to where I finally fulfill my vows for you at our wedding …” he uttered as you felt him plant a small kiss on your head, “I’m going to spend the rest of my life by your side from now on … without fail.”
  • you knotted your brows questioningly as you lifted up your head to look at him only to find him smiling softly at you
  • you felt his thumb wipe a tear that rolled down your cheek, both of his hands now cupping and caressing the side of your face
  • “I withdrew from my post.” he professed, his smile becoming boyishly wide, “And it’s finally effective starting today.”
  • your eyes widened at the news - he did what now?
  • “H-huh?” you gaped at him while he only produced a soft, breathy chuckle as an answer
  • “Happy Anniversary.”
Hiraeth | Pt.3

pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 | pt.5 | pt.6 | pt.7 | pt.8 | pt.9 |

Words: 5,392.

Genre: Zombie apocalypse au, angst.

Summary: A world full of dwindling hope and lost loves and yet you and Jungkook are all the other needs to feel at home.

A/N: Inspired by The Last of Us.

Keep reading

You & Me (lyrics)

I got a young heart and it’s wild and free
I don’t know where it starts, but it ends with you and me
It’s a hard road as far as I can see
I don’t know where I’m going, but I get back to you and me

‘Cause we’re two kids tryna start a fight
No matter where we go, yeah we’ll be alright
All I’m asking for is a bit of patience, please
‘Cause I know what’s to come and it’s coming for you and me

Time’s never been on our side, so won’t you wait for me
I lead a selfish life ‘cause that’s what I need
What do I have to do to make you believe
It’s all for you and me

From a distance, I can hear you cry
Don’t you worry darlin’, don’t lose sleep tonight
I can promise, yeah, I can guarantee
That at the end of the road, I see you with me

Time’s never been on our side, so won’t you wait for me
I lead a selfish life ‘cause that’s what I need
What do I have to do to make you believe
It’s all for you and me

When I look down the line
At the man I wanna be
I’ve always known from the start 
That it ends with you and me