what a dahl

Author-Themed Asks

-Jane Austen: Who was your first love?
-Ray Bradbury: What is your favorite book?
-Charles Darwin: What is your favorite animal?
-Alice Walker: What is your favorite color?
-Kurt Vonnegut: What is your favorite breakfast cereal?
-J.D. Salinger: What was your least favorite subject in school?
-J.K. Rowling: What is your favorite magic creature?
-Neil Gaiman: What religion are you?
-Oscar Wilde: What is your vice?
-Julia Child: What is the best meal you’ve ever eaten?
-Stephen King: What was your last Halloween costume?
-Harper Lee: Who was your childhood best friend?
-Brothers Grimm: What is your favorite fairytale?
-F. Scott Fitzgerald: What is the best party you ever attended?
-George R. R. Martin: Summer or winter?
-Mark Twain: What was your favorite thing to do as a kid?
-Edgar Allan Poe: What scares you the most?
-Herman Melville: Beach or mountains?
-Roald Dahl: What is your favorite candy?
-Jack Kerouac: Where do you want to travel?

What about a young Roald Dahl? We all know him for his children books but during world war 2 he was a spy for the british in America and he had to convince the americans to help the allies and go to war. Well, while he was spying…he slept with basically all the 45+, rich, influential, married women of the east coast.

With that look, i can understand them to be honest

Horoscopes by Gil Hizon - Week of April 30 - May 6, 2017

You better learn how to tuck, because this week’s emotional rollercoaster is gonna be speeedy, queen!

TAURUS (April 20 – May 20)

Underneath that peppy facade lurks a deep-seated emotional trauma that has moved centerstage in your heart of hearts during this crucial time in your life. The pain is so great that talking about it with other bitches might cause your psyche more harm. We respect this decision of yours, and more power to you, gurl, but know that at some point, that shit’s gotta come out.

GEMINI (May 21 – June 21)

When bitches accuse you of being scatterbrained this week, it’s not something that you can just brush off and claim that they just don’t understand ju. It will be because there is some T to what they’re saying. You are juggling a lot of personas this week – more than your default of 2 – and it may take some time to find a comfortable rhythm that can service all identities. It’s doable, tho!

CANCER (June 22 – July 22)

You are crabbier than usual this week, pun fucking intended, and if EVEN YOU can’t handle this emotional turmoil, then the rest of us are fucked. What you have to understand, dahling, is that this shit will take time. The most important thing you can do right now is to be patient with yourself and how you’re dealing with it all. Contrary to popular belief, you have more time than you think.

LEO (July 23 – August 22)

So, you have like this set plan for the week, right? That’s cute and all, but bitch, yous gonna need a contingency plan because not errbody’s gonna be hip to your itinerary, no matter how sickening it is. And here’s the thing, queen. The more you cling onto your schedule for dear life, the more miserable you’ll feel when it all goes to shit. If you can be more open like you are at 3am at some random trick’s doorstep after a night out on boystown, then the more you can handle the shitshow.

VIRGO (August 23 – September 22)

You’ve been stepping back a bit because major shifts are happening on the astral plane, but you’re doing this all wrong, gurl! The thing is, you’re not the only queen who’s refraining from the usual hustle, and if no one else is taking action, this means the pathways are open wide for you to take advantage of. Better untuck quick, and come up with a strategic plan of attack.

LIBRA (September 23 – October 22)

If there’s ever a time for you to stay in your lane, than this week is it, my darling. Comparing your progress to that of others will only make you paranoid, nitpicking what has gone wrong in your life and blaming others for your so-called misfortunes. And gurl, that shit is all a waste of your fucking time. The more you put your focus on being fierce, the faster your ascension will be.

SCORPIO (October 23 – November 21)

Okay, gurl, so like, there’s just waaayyy too much input from social media about your recent escapades and postings about the shit that matters to you. And at some point, you’re gonna have to clear out all the din and really listen to your own opinions about your own opinions, you know what I’m saying? It won’t hurt to turn off all the noise so much so that you can hear the beating of your own heart.

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)

The worst way for you to get anybody to sign up for your cause is to fucking guilt them into being on board. Bitches don’t wanna HAVE TO DO SOMETHING because of some sense of personal obligation. I always say, there are more people out there who believe in your cause – they may not be close acquaintances of yours but they would subscribe to your agenda and they’re a lot easier to find and convince than you may think. Point blank, stop wasting time on your so-called friends who just don’t give a shit.

CAPRICORN (December 22 – January 19)

When your ex shows up at your doorstep, you’re gonna have to turn the ho away. Yeah, bitch, I know it sounds cruel, but if you so much as let an atomic particle of this queen in your house, then it’ll be that much easier for hurr to manipulate yo ass. Remember, you don’t have the best control of your emotions right now. But you still have the physical coordination to shut the door on hurr fucking face.

AQUARIUS (January 20 – February 18)

When something like really emotional happens, you tend to shy away from the situation and rely on the mental realms to help you get through the shitshow. Well, your usual defense mechanismz/machinations won’t work this time, bitch! Not all the brain olympics in the world can detract you from what’s really at stake here. This is a matter of the heart and not of your big ass mind.

PISCES (February 19 – March 20)

See, like, when shit hits the fan, we can always rely on you to be sprawled on your thrift store couch, smoking a joint and being like, “it’s all good, man.” And that moment where we’re all wondering if you’re being inspirational or just plain lazy, is enough to distract us from the shitshow in front of us. That alone, is why you’re a crucial part of our clique.

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)

The time for ambiguity is OVAH, queen! This is the week where you start drawing the muthafucking lines. There is no room for gray anymore. Things are so crucial right now that any dilly dally in beliefs is sure to set yo ass back. Nobody’s got time for that! The great thing about being so stalwart in your conviction is that it has the power to inspire others to do the same damn thing. Kudos, bitch!

(DISCLAIMER for all entries: This is all a shitshow!)

For more Horoscopes By Gil Hizon, click here, gurl!

Unhappy Trial of Style, mortals!

The Great Nyehehe is said to be the most evil, powerful, and fashionable being in all the universe, and that-

“And who says that?”

Shut up. And that shall be proven yet again today, mortals, when The Great Nyehehe asserts himself as the most stylish and sinister being in the universe!! You mismatched morons cannot even hope to begin of dreaming of ever achieving even an iota of a chance of being anywhere near as fashionable as The Great Nyehehe!! Nyehehe!!

“Yes, well, hello dahlings. I’ve taken it as a sort of challenge to make this spaz look spiffy this Trial of Style! I’ve certainly got my work cut out for me.”

What was that, mortal?

“Nothing, dahling. Just, go speak with the etheral inside to sign up for the contest, won’t you?“

“Yes, dahling! Give it to me! Get those photos! You’re a star! You’re a star!”

Yes, show off your evil side! Oh, ha! Who am I kidding? All your sides are your evil sides! Hoho!

“Now, give us a silly one! No? No silly ones? Well, whatever. Oh, great picture! That’s a good one, too. Oh… sorry, sorry! Yes, that’s an evil picture. It was a mistake, dear, please don’t throw stuff at the judges. No, just put that dow-”

“What do you think of this participant, Aetheris?”

“I think we need to get this tacky twit out of here before he knocks out one of the contestants! A fine moustache, though. Expertly twirled, Natasia.”

Bah!! Those mortal fools must have been bind to not have seen The Great Nyehehe’s fiendish fashion sense!! Well, he knows what to do!! He’ll vow revenge for their impudence!! How dare they!?!

“Oh, pish posh! Those elftrash don’t know anything about fashion. Did you see what she was wearing? Pfft. How Silvermoon’s standards have fallen! And to think they were the fashion capital of the world!”

Fashion… capital… of the world, you say, mortal? Nyeh? Is that right?

“Oh? Have you never been to Silvermoon? Oh, well, it’s a wonderful place, and their boots are simply to die for! Oh, but with I suppose you unfortunately couldn’t visit in today’s current political scene, I suppose…. Oh! But what a city! Why, I remember when I was a younger Gnome, me and… *yada yada yda*”

Silvermoon, eh? Well, The Great Nyehehe will show them who’s!! They’ll rue the day they ever sowed a stupid scarf!! Bah!!

No. So, I was going for, I think, for Adam Driver. They gave me like a Star Trek scene – or like something from Pride and Prejudice. It was one of those films. With films that top secret, they don’t give you the actual lines. So they give you a scene from Pride and Prejudice, but then they tell you you’re auditioning for the baddie. If you’re me, you then put some ridiculous voice on.

That was really a hilarious moment. Because it was Nina Gold, who I have to thank a lot because she’s cast me in several films. And she was just sitting there and I was trying again and again with different versions of my kind of “koohh paaaah” [Darth Vader breathing sound] voice. And after like ten shots she’s like, “You got anything else?” I was like, “No.”