anonymous asked:

Do you know what the first big movie novelisation was? Were they ever a big cultural force or just something that existed but no one really cared about?

Before I go into the history of the novelization (and its cousin, the comic adaptation), let me give a couple of recommendations of a few that are better than the movie itself or are just worth reading: Peter David’s novelization of Return of Swamp Thing turned a just-okay so-so movie I forgot the instant I left the theater into something very beautiful, poignant, charming and wonderful. It was all little tweaks, tiny little nudges that made individual moments that fell flat turn into something that worked. It’s amazing how few changes he made to make this story the best possible version of itself, though there were some things the novelization had that made it brilliant and surreal and even experimental, like for instance, Peter David made Alan Moore, Swamp Thing writer, an actual character in the story itself, a clerk at a motel who makes creepy and cryptic foreshadowing comments all through the story.

The novelization of the “meh” Jaws rip-off Orca by Arthur Herzog is a great book because it a tight thriller that gets us right into the head of the orca whale who wants to kill the whaler who murdered his family. Scenes that were maudlin are very moving in prose, with a whale mourning her dead baby and mate, and the hunter is even more tragic when we get into his head and see his remorse. It was like the whale started to represent his guilt. By contrast, the only part of the movie I remember is when the killer whale sets fire to an entire town. 

The novelization of the Flash Gordon movie is extraordinary because it contains explicit sex scenes. The talk is that it was based on an extremely horny early script for the film where it was a European scifi sexploitation romp like Barbarella or Lexx. Hahahaha, can you just imagine being some eleven year old who bought Flash Gordon because he liked the cool space movie only to find a chapter with a blowjob scene in a seraglio?

The whole idea behind Buckaroo Banzai: Across the Eighth Dimension is that it’s actually part 7 of a long running movie series that doesn’t exist, so there are lots of “hey, look, it’s him!” cameos to people we never saw before and tons of lore that just sat in the background. Buckaroo Banzai is a test I use to see if someone’s sense of humor is compatible with mine. So it stands to reason that the novelization, which is more information rich, is a delight for fans of the series. It’s like the only expanded universe product for something that never got an expanded universe. It has details like the fact that Pecos (briefly mentioned as being in Tibet in the film) is actually one of the few Hong Kong Cavaliers to be a woman, and she was in Tibet searching for Buckaroo’s archenemy Hanoi Xan. 

While I wouldn’t say that the novelization of Star Trek: the Motion Picture is better than the movie, exactly, it was written by Gene Roddenberry himself, and had one especially weird fourth wall breaking passage that seemed to be a shout out to the slash-writers, where Captain Kirk says “hey, I don’t know where this idea comes from, but I am super-straight, you guys, seriously. I am only attracted to women.” The novelization also was interesting in that we learned a bit more about Lieutenant Ilea’s empathic powers, which are fundamentally non-visual and we only got a vague sense of in the film. She received emotional signals very much like Deanna Troi later would, and she was not only a receiving empath but a projecting one: we learned that Mr. Sulu, from a less sexually evolved race than Deltans, couldn’t stop picture her naked. 

Finally, getting back to Peter David again, who is like the Phillip K. Dick or Michelangelo of this medium, his novelization of Spider-Man 3 is better than the movie. Moments that fail in the book work there. 

As for the history of the novelization, you have to try to imagine a world where you can’t see a movie whenever you want to. You can only see it when it’s in theaters for a few weeks or when it comes on TV years later. Therefore, novelizations and comic adaptations are designed to replicate the experience of going to the theater. In that sense, they’re almost a relic, technologically speaking, of a time before video and on demand. Fun fact: in the late 1970s, Marvel Comics had a ton of cash problems, and the only thing keeping the lights on was the money made by movie adaptations of things like Logan’s Run.  

Novelizations are extremely old: they go back to the 1920s, and one interesting example is the 1925 Tod Browning film London After Midnight, a horror film that no copies of exist at all and is a “lost film,” but because of the novelization (and a ton of still images during production), we nonetheless know what the plot of the movie is pretty well, to the point that the London After Midnight vampire is almost as iconic as other monsters, despite the fact no one has seen the actual film in decades.

To directly answer your question, the first big book novelization was actually for King Kong in 1933 by Delos Lovelace, which came out the year the movie did. The public went mad for King Kong and the book sold in the millions. It cemented the idea that the novelization is a pretty standard tie-in for a film release, and it’s the most important tie in novel ever written.

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Many of your problems are because of the cursed baleen whale that you nearly killed during your time in the Navy.

Taurus: All Tauruses will receive a coupon for one (1) free stroke of luck, redeemable at any trader Joe’s.

Gemini: Your teacher can’t actually see other humans, she’s just pretending.

Cancer: It feeds.

Leo: You are hunting the future to death.

Virgo: Wash yourself in the lake under cover of night. If the moon is right, it will give you the reset you desire. Can’t tell you what moon is the right moon though, I’m a stars guy.

Libra: Acknowledge that the people in your life are multifaceted, reminesce on times passed as you elbow drop them in the jaw.

Scorpio: A spelling mistake tomorrow will lead to headaches and severe bowel misplacement.

Saggatarius: You have lost something. The moon alights on what you seek.

Capricorn: The stars are saying you’re a gold digger, they cannot agree if you are messing with a broke or not though.

Aquarius: Purify your body! Drink as much green tea as you can physically fit into your tiny mouth. Vomit.

Picses: Although painful, the crystalline horns sprouting from your temples are quite fashionable.


“I could have killed you.”
“Or I could have killed you,” Percy said.
Jason shrugged. “If there’d been an ocean in Kansas, maybe.”
“I don’t need an ocean—”
“Boys,” Annabeth interrupted, “I’m sure you both would’ve been wonderful at killing each other.”

a surprise gift for @colestclairs


Life on earth, as magnificent and versatile as it is, is seemingly tame compared to the weird and wonderful creatures that once existed. All categories of life have reached unimaginable sizes, here are just a selection of prehistoric record breakers!

The biggest shark known to have existed, ruling over the oceans as recently as up to a million years ago. A length of almost 20 metres and weighing in at an estimated 48 tonnes, Megalodon could deliver a crucifying bite of up to 110,000N. It is no surprise that the Megalodon was dubbed the “whale killing shark”.

Our early ancestors would have been quite familiar with Megatherium as they existed up to 8000 years ago, they were in fact the largest sloths to have existed. Sloths have a reputation as being lazy, slow and docile, but Megatherium was a 6 metre long, 4 tonne monster with a killer instinct and knife-like claws. Megatherium’s discovery came before that of the dinosaurs. Skeletons of these prehistoric beasts were a delight to the Victorian public and paved the way for the science of palaeontology.

Literally meaning “large turtle”, Archelon certainly was just that. Existing during the cretaceous, the time of the dinosaurs, Archelon could reach 4.5 metres long and may have lived to over 100 years old. Archelon could not compete with other cretaceous beings in speed and agility, but its blade-like beak was able to slice through flesh and crush though the toughest ammonite shells. Unfortunately Archelon appears to have been a popular snack for other marine dwellers, skeletons are frequently missing flippers or heads and covered in slashes.

When the dinosaurs reign ended, a new era saw the rise of new super-predators, one was Titanoboa, the largest snake ever with a body up to 13 metres long, standing a metre off the ground and weighing up to 2500 pounds. Titanoboa was 30% longer than even todays largest species. Scientists believe this humongous snake hunted like its modern relatives, the boa constrictors, by winding around prey and suffocating them.

Owner of the largest antlers of any animal, up to 3 metres wide, the Irish Elk gets its name from its frequent discoveries in Irish peat bogs. Existing up to 10,000 years ago, these would have been a common sight in grasslands for our ancestors. Many fossils indicate the animals died of starvation which is why the antlers are thought to have been part of elaborate mating contests between males, often resulting in one being fatally injured and unable to feed itself.

A distant relative of the elephants and mammoths, Deinotherium was more sinister, its name translates to “terrible beast”, they would have most likely caused trouble for our ancient ancestors around 1.5 million years ago. Deinotherium is actually considered to be the second largest land mammal of all time, behind Paraceratherium and is iconic in appearance due to its sharp, downward facing tusks.

Known as the short faced bear, they were the biggest bears on record and one of the largest mammal carnivores to have existed. Whilst their skull was short, they were packed with piercing teeth that could deliver a bone crushing bite. Existing up to 11,000 years ago, out ancestors would have stayed well clear of this 900 kilogram predator, with slender limbs and knife-like claws, Arctodus was deadly.

One of the most infamous fossil discoveries in history, Sarcosuchus was the largest crocodile to walk the Earth up to 112 million years ago, this was a crocodile capable of killing dinosaurs. Sarcosuchus was twice as long as a saltwater crocodile, that’s 11-12 metres long and could reach over 8 tonnes. Its jaw was packed full of 66 teeth either side of its jaw and would have clamped down on prey that wandered too near.

One of the largest lifeforms that has ever stood on the Earth, Argentinosaurus could grow up to 30 metres long with its hind limbs standing 4.5 metres off the ground. They existed between 97-94 million years ago and at adulthood would have been virtually indestructible to predators. Its weight is estimated at a staggering 80-100 tonnes. There hasn’t been another land mammal on the same scale as Argentinosaurus since and it’s unlikely there ever will be.

The largest discovered therapod ever, a group that includes Allosaurus and Tryrannosaurus. Spinosaurus remained an enigma to scientists for decades, the only discovered specimen was sadly destroyed during World War 2 and was not rediscovered until the 21st century. Spinosaurus is thought to have reached up to 16 metres long and weighed in around 12 tonnes, that is almost double the weight of a T-rex!

anonymous asked:

I don't know if you've heard about the Alaska native teen who killed a whale. If you have, I would appreciate to hear your thoughts on the topic. But you don't have to reply if you don't feel like it.

I looked it up and I assume this is what you are talking about:


Alright, if you follow my blog you know that I love whales and that I stand against whaling. Now my thoughts on this are… Everyone leave this teen alone.

Whales out there are facing a scary amount of problems that may endanger the survival of many species. But what this teen and other natives like him are doing is not one of those problems. This is called Aboriginal Subsistence Whaling. Some native communities around the world are allowed to hunt a specific amount of whales every year. Because of their beliefs and ways of life, whaling is fundamental to their nutrition. 

You could say the sea is their home (their lands have already been taken from them, so rather than their home, the sea is everything they have left) and they know how to respect it and protect it. They cause way less harm to it than we do. I cause more harm to whales when I eat yogurt than they do with their whaling. These people do not hunt calves or pregnant whales, they only kill a very limited amount of whales and it’s mostly bowhead whales. Bowheads are listed as a species of ‘least concern’ on the IUCN Red List of Threatened Species.

Then once the whale has been killed nothing of it is wasted and an entire community may survive thanks to it. They do not hunt out of greed, they don’t hunt for money and they do not hunt for fun. They hunt to survive. This sort of subsistence will not put at risk the existence of whales. So let them keep doing what they do.

Apparently some people are suggesting they become vegetarian. But have we not imposed enough changes on them? I don’t think we have the right to change their way of life, a way of life that, unlike ours, actually values nature.  

To sum it all up, harassing this 17-year-old is not how we protect whales. He and his community are not a threat to the conservation of marine life. When it comes to whaling, the problem we need to address are the powerful governments making money out of commercial whaling, which is illegal, exploitative and truly dangerous for whales. 

I’m sorry this probably looks like an incoherent blob of angry thoughts. I’m not mad at you, anon. Actually thanks for bringing this up. I hope my English didn’t make these thoughts incomprehensible. 

Endangered Whale Deaths Show Dangers of Ocean Drilling, Blasting
North Atlantic right whales are dying and Trump’s oil exploration plans could make things worse
By Kristen Monsell

The mass die-off of North Atlantic right whales this summer is a terrible tragedy for a critically endangered species with fewer than 500 individuals remaining.

It’s also a warning: We have to take better care of our oceans before it’s too late. And that starts with resisting the Trump administration’s push for more oil exploration and drilling in the Atlantic.

Scientists are still investigating the causes of these 15 whale deaths, but initial findings are that ship strikes or entanglement in fishing gear killed many of the whales.

Whatever killed these whales, we know that they and other marine mammals will be harmed by five different proposals to use seismic airgun blasts to search for oil in the Atlantic, which could receive their final permits any day now.

The proposals, to which the Trump administration gave initial approval just as these dead whales started washing up on East Coast beaches, is part of the administration’s push to expand offshore oil drilling. Seismic testing involves deafening airgun blasts every 10–12 seconds, 24 hours a day, for almost a year.

These blasts are 100,000 times louder than a jet engine. Federal studies show they would harm marine mammals millions of times and kill or injury an estimated nine more North Atlantic right whales, which scientists say were at serious risk of spiraling toward extinction even before the recent mass die-off…

Alas! alas! small things come at the end of great things; a tooth triumphs over a mass. The Nile rat kills the crocodile, the swordfish kills the whale, the book will kill the edifice, I’m Frollo and I’ll kill you.

@staff @support @greeningz
Here’s a little lecture from Undyne about this here advertisement, I’ll be typing up what she says as I’m afraid she will break my keyboard if I let her type this.

Hello humans! Today you are gonna get a lesson on fish, get ready to learn! First of all, the strong amazing warrior of a fish you see in the above image is a frilled shark. And no, Greeningz, it’s not a dangerous sea creature. They spend most of their lives below 50 meters (160 feet), and have been caught as deep as 1570 meters. If you don’t have gills like me, you’d never be able to swim down deep enough to see where they normally live. They only come to the surface when sick, dying, or caught by fishing nets. It’s maximum length is 2 m (6.6 feet), around the height of Papyrus. Even if you did encounter a frilled shark, it’s not dangerous. It only eats boney fish and mainly cephalopods, mostly squids. It has tiny needle like teeth meant for snagging soft squids, and a very weak bite for its size. If it tried to bite a human, it could very well lose a lot of its teeth and risk it’s jaws being broken. It’s not like me with my chompers (editors note: Undyne is gnashing her teeth and almost bit my webcam in half. I don’t have the guts to explain this isn’t being a recorded video).

Anyway, this shark is not dangerous at all, unlike humans. I love anime and know Alphys wants to take me there, but I’ve heard bad things about “Japan”. Did you know that in the oceans bordering it, the humans capture frilled sharks, and turn it into fish meal? It’s a better fate than some of the other sharks, in Ass-eye-ah (editors note: I think she is trying to say Asia, all those years underground have done a number on the geography education of monsters) fishermen grab sharks and cut off the fins, and throw the still living sharks back into the water to bleed out. They don’t take the rest of the shark, because their fins are worth more, because they are sold to make a special soup supposed to have magic powers. I get it, you humans want to have food that gives magical power buffs like some monster food gives, but it doesn’t work that way, and being cruel to sharks won’t help. Let’s not even get into what they do to the whales and dolphins.

sharks kill less than 10 humans a year. Most are cases of mistaken identity, but humans kill over 100 million sharks a year. Entire species driven to extinction. Typical humans, as a monster, I know how it feels when humans don’t understand and are scared of something, so they let bullies and people with uncaring destructive souls massacre an entire species and wipe it out, and justify it by claiming it’s just the way it’s been for a long time and that it’s to make places safer for humans. You want to know the most dangerous sea creature on the planet? The one that kills countless others, and is responsible for killing more humans at sea than all the other sea creatures put together?

Its humans. You have been killing each other at sea ever since you could make boats. I have been told that the flag I found was not about skeletons and humans, the skull and crossbones apparently means death, which doesn’t make sense because Papyrus and Sans wouldn’t kill a fly, right? Human pirates would use this flag to warn other ships to stay away, and they would kill people and steal from other ships. Today, people at sea still kill each other because of greed and hatred.

I’m listening to Alphys and trying to use science and education to change you humans and make you more empathetic, but if you keep fearmongering about sharks and killing them, and keep destroying the ocean, I’m going to handle this my way. I’m going to become a pirate. I already have an eyepatch and I can get that bird that carries you over a little gap in Waterfall to sit on my shoulder like a parrot. I’ll take the royal guard and Papyrus as my crew, and I’ll go hunt down these humans that kill sharks and whales and dolphins, and these people that encourage such genocide of wildlife, and I’ll give you HUMANS a REAL DANGEROUS SEA CREATURE to FEAR! NGAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

(Editors note: please stop finning sharks, she is scaring me)

anonymous asked:

truck shepherd's episode is easily the funniest

uhhhhhm, excuse me??? i think we can all agree the wii sports resort episode of monster factory is the end all, be all of mcelroy content

  • “oh my god, dr. zaius??”
  • “it looks like they made a live action alvin and the chipmunks and everybody hated it”
  • “he looks like a pervert tennis star”
  • “a wild, sexy dick cheney”
  • “he’s not here to beat turbovicki in sports, of course he couldn’t he’s 500 years old”
  • “maybe he likes blue because maybe dick cheney’s like a big sonic the hedgehog cosplayer”
  • “baby it’s COLE outside”
  • “look at the dog shaking that festive little tuches”
  • “i miss my arm bones. i’m vice president rayman”
  • KOBE
  • KOBE
  • KOBE
  • KOBE
  • KOBE
  • KOBE
  • *golf ball goes into the ocean* “aw i fucked it all up…killed a whale”
  • “i don’t need to be told how to wake board i’m dick fucking cheney”

Reminder that a wild Orca called Granny died this week (well most likely she’s missing presumed dead) at the grand old age of 105. Tilikum died at 35. Captivity kills.

evan hansen headcanon!!

this is the good bean son evan hansen

yes the boy has made some mistakes but he is ultimately a pure bean child.

also a relatable child

evab honseen:

-sleeps very early and wakes up very early

-he tries to live life according to a list alana made for him; it doesn’t work much

-if he wakes up before dawn, he either calls or starts talking to connor (he stays over lots)

-he has lucky charms for breakfast

-hes convinced that if he eats 16239 clover mallows, they’ll turn into trees

-he literally has a tally chart in his kitchen counting

-he’s at 1178 so far

-connor tried to make lucky charms for hin this one time

-connor almost burnt the whole house down

-the murphys had to pay for the damage (much to heidi’s dismay)

-heidi doesn’t want connor near the kitchen anymore,,,,

-evan takes a warm bath for 30 minutes, usually at 5:30 because school starts at 7

-one time when he had an extra minute he was lowkey panicing because he thought he was killing the whales

-connor had to come over to calm him down

-this was also the first time connor saw evan in a birthday suit

-this was very awkward and they didn’t talk for the whole day after this

-but jared would never stop talking about it

-dammit jared

-evan goes to school earlier than everyone else

-he likes to go to the library and look at tree encyclopedias

-he drives to school and is a very LEgAL driver

-he’s learnt to slam on the break

-before he even turns the key

-im not sorry

-i am very sorry

Some random and unfounded predictions for Hiveswap

Hiveswap’s coming out tomorrow! To celebrate this, I created this blog dedicated solely to Hiveswap and Homestuck. I figured I’d kick off the shenanigans with a bunch of spontaneous predictions I have zero evidence for!

  • Jude’s treehouse will turn out to be ridiculously well fortified, and he’ll stay up there for the entire game.
  • The troll who works at the train station will turn out to be the most important character in Hiveswap.
  • The game will provide an option to customize the fetch modus, and no reasonable option will be given.
  • The whale killed by Eridan in the comic will turn out to have been Cridea’s lusus.
  • The canon fantrolls will be killed off seconds after their introduction (but not many). No effort will be made to reconcile this with their deaths in the comic.
  • The game will take place during the Summoner’s revolution, which both Xefros and Dammek will be part of. The Summoner will appear in the game, as will Darkleer, the Handmaid, the Grand Highblood, and the Condesce.
  • One of Cridea’s memes will include a passing reference to “you can’t escape the miles” that nobody (including Cridea) will understand.
  • A surprise twist will reveal that Dammek is a human disguised as a troll, and a later surprise twist will reveal that Dammek is a cherub disguised as a human disguised as a troll.
  • In a scene that nobody asked for, Joey will fight a cuttlefish and lose.

It’s likely that none of this will happen. But nonetheless, I’ll publish an update on this post once I’ve played the game!