Thanks to everybody who reached out yesterday in response to my post about things not being so great; Mrs. RRR and I are going through a rough patch. It sucks.
There’s been no big transgression or anything like that. Instead things have gradually been building - or rather gradually been festering. Small resentments on both sides. I find myself shrinking and she resents the burdens.
Sometimes I feel I’ve lost every ounce of mojo I ever had. I’ve lost touch with who I am - or was, or whatever. I feel empty. I am empty. And how can you expect someone to love or live with that? You cannot.
I have so much work to do it’s terrifying. Should I be fighting to save us or for me? Maybe in fighting for me I save us. Does that make sense?
I believe it’s worth fighting for us and I believe it’s possible. It’s going to be hard and uncomfortable. But there’s still love and laughter in this house and between the two of us and so there’s hope.
On a somewhat related note, I’ll be offline for the rest of my vacation.
One week and one day ago, on T and I’s 7 year anniversary, I ran a half marathon.
I didn’t get a medal. Or a finisher’s shirt. Or any stranger’s recognition of completing this great feat.
But I did run. Without training as much as I should have, and knowing the Portland Marathon doesn’t allow transfers from the full to the half, I ran as much of the full as I could with an ITB injury and the foresight to keep my body out of serious injury.
It was bright and sunny, the low-lying clouds parting sporadically to shine on the course. This being the first race I’ve run by myself, I kept reminding myself to “run my own race” and enjoy the process. And for the most part, I did. Mostly because I thrive on the high-fives of cheerleaders and pirates (yep, you read that right). Obviously.
At mile 11.5, the wonderful and lovely rockstar Michelle (westcoastrunner) met up with me and ran .5 with me. It truly was the highlight of my run. (Michelle, you freaking ROCK, woman. I love you.)
My amazing husband was standing at my “finish line”, smiling and cheering me over the lady timing mat of my race. A van drove me back to the finish area, where I was lost in a sea of over 10,000 bedazzled runners continuously crossing the official race finish line. It was truly an amazing day.
To be honest, the lack of a medal and finisher’s shirt bothered me at first. As shallow as it may seem, those things are an outward symbol of a personal achievement. I wanted to proudly display to the world that is accomplished something great, because I had.
Then, all of a sudden, it hit me.
I ran 13.1 miles and celebrated 7 incredible years with the love of my life on the same day. And no lack of a medal can ever take that away from me.
This morning’s 2.62 miles was my first run in 2 weeks after coming down with a death plague (or more realistically Bronchitis). I’m still dealing with the after effects of that, the most notable symptoms being coughing and inability to breathe properly. Though my breathing has definitely improved in the past week.
After running the first 0.9 miles, I got stopped at a light and took a moment to catch my breath. I wasn’t running particularly fast, about an 11:30. But I started feeling light headed while waiting for the light so I opted to walk a bit. Then I ran a bit. And walked a bit. And ran a bit. This went on for the remainder of the run and my avg pace ended up being a 12:05.
I had to go back 6 months to find an avg pace that slow. But I finished and that’s all that really matters. I thought of Michelle and Rook and the countless other runners who weren’t given the opportunity to finish. I thought about this amazing community that welcomes anyone who has ever laced up a pair of sneakers, no questions asked. I thought about how much running has done for me, never asking for anything in return.
I ran into my roommate on the stairs as I was coming home and she asked me how it went. I told her I knew one thing for sure, I was definitely NOT bringing my running gear to California. That this run showed me I’m still not ready yet. But then as I cooled down and thought about it a bit more, I decided that’s exactly why I AM going to bring my running gear to California. I just ran 2.62 miles. I am ready. Am I back to 100%? No, but I’m ready. Just because I’m not where I want to be, doesn’t give me the right to give up trying.
So I’m packing my gear and plan to do at least 1 if not 2 runs while I’m out there. They won’t be pretty, but I’m not going to get any better just sitting on my ass. My goal is to run 8 miles a week from Saturday and get back on track for BK Half training. And it all starts today!
The Road to the Boston Marathon (and possibly a recap)
Okay. The time has come. I am finally ready to write a recap. I guess I was just waiting to make sure that I finished. ;-)
Because I can never seem to be at a loss for words and this will be picture and word heavy, I am putting in a break. Standard disclaimer: sorry for those on your phones. So, so sorry. But, something like this just doesn’t deserve brevity. So, if you are not on your phone, I encourage you to click on through. It is SUPER long, though. So, find yourself a cup of coffee, a comfy chair and settle in for the evening - it may be novel-like. Maybe a novella. It’s worth it though. Go ahead, you know you want to.
What a great day! I was lucky enough to get a bib from my sister’s friend at the last minute to run the half marathon. We knew a few of our friends would be running but I had no idea just how many of our running friends would be there on Sunday. On our way to the potty we ran into Michelle aka westcoastrunner and her friend Mary who was running her very first half marathon!! Yippee! I sure wish we had taken a picture together as that was about all we would see of them…maybe next time you’re in Cali or when we are in PDX. After that I found my sister’s friend and then my sister and got my bib and timing chip and without much time we headed to the start line where we saw our Galloway group, the first running group Robb and I joined back in 2011. It was so lovely to see these ladies as I often reminisce about the great long runs we had as the miles just seemed to fly by when I ran with them. Miss those days! We then found our way into a corral and were the last ones before they pulled the tape for the next corral to go. So I’m running along and then I run into Becky, a friend from high school who i reconnected with a few years back at some local running races. We chatted for a few minutes and then I was on my way. The course was flat and I felt great. Soon enough I hear my name shouted out and it was Michelle!! So nice to hear a Cheer for me!! It didn’t stop there. More and more friends and my sis too shouted out my name as we ran by each other as we had a few out and backs along the course. Saw Vera, our running coach from Galloway too. Just before that I was stopped along the bridge to take a picture and another runner was kind enough to offer to take my picture. So nice of her!! Soon after that I saw my Sole Runners, Stacey and Brian. Another running group we belong too. What a nice surprise to see them. So I’m plugging along and have about a mile and half to go and some of the fastest marathoners are now passing the half marathoners. It kind of got me pumped to finish strong and I did despite some hamstring tightness. I knew I was on PR pace so I kept plugging away just to see how much of a PR I could get. This is where having music for me just makes it all come together. Half a mile to go or so said our friend Rafael, but it was actually less than that for which I was grateful. Again I hear my name called out and it’s Shari from MIM (Moms in Motion) We met last year at Malibu Creek State Park, where I offered to take a group photo at the Mash site. I was nicknamed Ragnar girl (the shirt I was wearing) for a few months till we knew each other’s name ;-) Well the MIM’s were out in full force cheering on their moms and all the runners! It was awesome! I then see hubby and he’s got his camera ready to take my picture as I near the finish line. So nice to see his smile. I cross the finish and he’s already found me and gives me a hug and kiss and says Congrats on the PR babe!! I grabbed a few things to eat and then we waited for my sister and any of our friends who hadn’t finished already to cross. We missed westcoastrunner unfortunately but saw my sister cross. I took a pic but she’d kill me if I posted as it’s not that flattering. Anyway a few more friends came through and finally we said it’s time to get some grub and get ourselves home. I couldn’t have asked for a better day; fun reunions, supportive and cheering friends, a short and sweet tumblr meet up, an awesome sister, pretty decent weather and a wonderful hubby at the finish. I’m a lucky girl.
All in all the race organizers did a good job. The start area was not too crowded and had lots of porta potties, which is a plus. Corral system seemed to work spreading out the runners at the start. The course itself offered nice views and adequate aid stations. Volunteers were awesome as always and a police force doing their best with traffic control to keep the drivers from getting frustrated and protecting us at the same time. Oh and a great after party at the beach, which we did not stay for but looked like it would be fun to check out. Plus the beach…what more could you want.
Oh and the stats: PR by 7 minutes :-)
Distance:13.17 miTime:2:22:37Avg Pace:10:50 min/miElevation Gain:58 ftCalories:1,478 C
Remember how I was mentioning that the finish line photo was going to be epic? Well, there it is. Cropped me right out and didn’t give me a finish line photo (or is it just that I never finished? Hmmm….). These two awesome people look great though.
Tonight on my way home tonight I started scrolling through Tumblr on my phone. I hadn’t refreshed it so I was looking at posts from this morning, which I didn’t realize because I was half paying attention to a conversation further down the bus, and because I was thinking about the awful events of the day.
Until I got to a post …
“Good Luck Boston Marathoners! …”
It was one of many such posts. I had been kicking myself this morning for starting work without posting something similar to cheer on some awesome tumblrs who were running today.
Doesn’t this morning seem so very far far away?
I’m so happy to see the posts from y'all up north in and around Boston saying you’re OK. I felt sick to my stomach today fearing the worst but praying for good news. So reading posts from each of you was a small but cherished point of light in an otherwise dark afternoon.
Tonight I’ll pray for those affected, those killed or wounded, and their families. Tomorrow I’ll run my miles for Boston.
Good night Tumblrs. Take care of yourselves. You are much loved.
Christmas In Portland - Multnomah Falls Columbia River Gorge National Scenic Area - Tumblr Meetup
Working backwards still to post more of the last week. Well it was difficult to pick just a few photos to share of the magnificent hike I did with westcoastrunner & kiddo and my dear hubby robbsadventure! It was rainy to start but if you let rain stop you then you would never get out and explore the world. I have to say I’m in love with this area. It’s just gorgeous. The start of the hike features a view of Multnomah Falls as well as the Multnomah Falls Lodge, Tourist Information Center and the Gift Shop. You start on an asphalt path and then before long you are traversing a series of 11switchbacks totaling about a mile. The path changes to a typical trail path instead of asphalt as we continue to climb our loop. There are breathtaking views in every direction. We were constantly stopping to take pictures. I took about 90! Along the way we are seeing moss covered rocks and trees, rivers/creeks of varying size, numerous fallen trees and branches and of course a few waterfalls.
I was soaked and my hands were pretty numb by the time we were done. Luckily when we were finished hiking we were able to get warm in the Lodge and have a nice lunch before we headed back to the folks house. I could go on but I’ll keep it short and sweet. I can’t wait to go back!!
Soaring Wings Half Marathon 2013 is DONE in 1:52:25!!!
What a beautiful day for a race…a tiny bit cold at the start, but it ended up be absolutely perfect. I ran into my friend and colleague Kristin who also plays cello in the symphony. We lined up together…she didn’t have a specific pace goal, and in the back of my mind I was shooting for sub 2 (although I hadn’t really trained specifically for it) so we decided to at least start off running together.
We ended up not parting ways for the entire race. We just clicked. If she hadn’t been there running with me I definitely would not have made the time I did. This ended up being a PR of over 13 minutes for me and my first ever sub 2:00 half marathon finish. The hills (especially the final one at mile 12) were not friendly.
Since this turned into a hospital blog in July and August and a little bit of September… I think I need to switch gears back weight loss.
I had the intention of weighing in this morning but I had to be at work early and I’m not the best morning person. I got dressed, looked at the scale and was like, yeah I’m not getting undressed.
I’m not hiding from the scale, I know where the number is. Lowest number since high school might I add.
I am now going to weigh in Friday Mornings. Changing it up a bit!
I’m also going to take the idea from Shortmom and Michelle and do the Six in Six Plan. Six percent of my body weight in Six Weeks. I just did some preliminary math and it seems a little aggressive, about 2.5 pounds per week. We’ll see how it goes. Losing weight is losing weight.
If When it goes well, it’ll put me under 230 pounds by October 26th. That could will be a little crazy pretty freakin’ awesome! :)
Just about ready to make that long trek via the T to Newton to meet @westcoastrunner and @rookcanrun to join them in doing what they and so many others were not able to do on April 15. It’s time to help them take care of some unfinished business…right onto Hereford and left onto Boylston.
Have not posted my crushes in a while but really felt the need to do so today. So many interesting people, each doing their own thing and inspiring others along the way. I would also like to add an honorary mention to katie-girl-wanders who always knows how to make me smile and sends me so many messages of support as well!
lindsaydoeslife - so happy you are feeling happy again. Proud of you for not backing down and completing your Half over the weekend!
joshbuildshealth - another year older, some new goals and an increase in posts again - nice!
westcoastrunner - another year older, a season of celebration and looking and feeling better than ever before!
runningwithpump - I dont know how kids have a chance to heckle this guy when he goes by - he runs so fast it has to look like a very bright flash (with those new cool shoes)
ashamedtosay - Mom to Eight, fights against cancer for those who can not, takes amazing photos and is from Chicago!
snapthistiger - a true gentleman, lover of animals and a real animal in the gym - snap is a classy dude
dare2tri - double runs, crying over zombies and is now taking a few days break!
thereluctantrunner - she will never, ever ever run another Marathon but she did give 20 miles hell over the weekend!
proj3ctmoi - sticking to your goals even with your husband back and eating all of the delicious things around you is a huge accomplishment - you are so strong!!!