wesley*

Tipsy Review by request {TVD 1x28 nope, 1x18}

1.       Legit though I think the DE thing would’ve worked better if they just made Elena a sociopath.  

2.       Also who gives a shit about DE right now when Stefan is doing fucking pull ups, omg those ARMS though.

3.       And now push ups. Omg.

4.       “I haven’t hunted a human in way too long” but Damon, you kill them for sport. Shut the fuck up.

5.       Guys, guys, I don’t think you appreciate Stefan’s arms in this episode. But like why is he in a wifebeat though? Why can’t he just be topless. They did this on purpose and it’s mean.

6.       Tispy Zal is a little thirsty. I recognize that.

7.       You know in 1x19 Damon is all like I’m glad Stefan fed because he’s finally accepting who he is but I legit just think Damon liked having the moral high ground.

8.       Jeremy cut your hair. Why do we wait an entire season for this to happen?

9.       Oh Bonnie returns this episode. Finally.

10.   Elena, when Matt tells you his mom was about to strangle Caroline if she cooked more lasagne, this is when you, as a friend, say that Caroline is just trying to show empathy the only way she knows how, not just go “ah.”

11.   I like how everyone in the council paints John as an extremist and a jackass when he’s the only on who is actually on task.

12.   “Why does she hate you?” “We used to sleep together.” Legit, TVD, what fucking uncle says that to his nephew? Like.

13.   I fucking love that Elena rubs Stefan’s shoulders when she asks how he’s doing.

14.   And the way Stefan says “I missed you too.” Paul does this thing with Stefan where it starts off lighthearted and then he subtly gets more intense and gives Elena that stare (and I had an entire gifset on that stare) and suddenly Elena is on her back.

15.   “Ah just like I remembered.” “Stop messing around.” Elena, would you not be like um, excuse me? When were you were?

16.   I meant here. When you were here. No. When were you here. Lol. You guys asked for a tipsy review, I’m just saying.

17.   Damon, legit stop rifling through a teen girl’s underwear drawer.

18.   I remember everyone saying how much tension there was between Damon and Elena in this scene and it’s literally Damon invading Elena’s space and Elena shrinking backwards and trying to talk about Stefan without being derailed.

19.   Also Elena and Damon have a conversation about how deep down Stefan is like Damon or has a Damon in him because he’s a vampire so yet again, it’s proof that Elena is more like Stefan as a vampire because she has the exact same conversation with Damon about her nature. If Damon is literally justsupposed to be representative of vampirism personified — I somehow think that was redundant but whatever — if he’s essentially all of the base parts of vampirism period then it’s not unique if Elena can relate to him when it comes to the base parts of her vampirism because he’s that representative for everyone.

20.   Jesus, I hope that made sense.

21.   Hey, see how Stefan is spiralling out of control? Maybe he should call Lexi to help him through it. Oh that’s right he can’t because Damon was an asshole and killed her. On his birthday. An eternity of misery, dude took that oath to heart.

22.   Omg only 13 minutes have gone by, I should stop talking.

23.   Or writing.

24.   This is all gibberish anyway.

25.   I like Elena’s jacket when she’s taking that walk with Jeremy.

26.   Lol Stefan stole that drink like a boss.

27.   Tyler  and Matt, walking from one side of the room to the other side with a bottle doesn’t make you invisible, at least go to a different  room.

28.   No one notices that a 17 year old boy (Stefan) is just drinking?

29.   Stefan, honey, I love you, I love how you dance with Elena but what are you doing with Kelly? You’re dancing like a grandpa.

30.   “Do you know what your brother’s been up to?” “I’ve been too preoccupied with yours.” Damon and Elena talk like in-laws.

31.   Why would John tell Damon he knows Damon is a vampire? Why not just kill Damon?

32.   What’sherface, Kelly, that actress, Miranda something? I think? Either way, she’s always the same person in everything I’ve seen her in. Kelly is basically Julie Cooper from The OC and even in Entourage when she plays a version of herself she’s another version of Julie Cooper, so I have to wonder, is she JUST Julie Cooper? Like is that who she is?

33.   Kelly, Tyler just spoke about how he was a trash boyfriend to your dead daughter so you take that as an opportunity to kiss him? Girl, I know you’re a mess but do you have to be that much of a mess?

34.   Although I do like the line “It’s like I don’t deserve to miss her.”

35.   “I don’t have anyone to talk to.” “I don’t have anyone to talk to either.” Lol, both of you legit have Matt, stop playing.

36.   Also Tyler and Kelly making out in PUBLIC and NO ONE is scandalized that the mother of the dead girl is making out with the dead girl’s boyfriend? FUCKING DETAILS, TVD.

37.   Also Tyler legit made out with Matt’s mom and then choked Matt. Like he’s a TRASH friend.

38.   I get that his werewolf gene agitates his aggression and I’m on board with that and they do a good job of them being like YO, TYLER, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH YOU but Tyler is also just a dick in season 1 so the combination is thoroughly unfavourable.

39.   I think I might be sobering up a little. Maybe.

40.   LOL I love how Damon is like “Do you wanna hear about how I killed Uncle John Gilbert?” and the way Stefan says, “What?” Paul plays drunk subtly but it’s done very well.

41.   It’s interesting, I like Matt and Stefan as friends (even though nothing comes from it) but it would’ve been cool for Tyler and Stefan to sort of bond this season too over Tyler having rage he can’t control and Stefan having a monster in him that he tries so hard to control. I dunno

42.   What is it about John that he can just show up and be a part of the council like nothing, go to the founder’s party and ring that bell? Like why is he heralded? It can’t just be because he’s a Gilbert.

43.   Here is the thing, the show is making it seem like it’s such a huge deal that John knew Isobel who is Elena’s birth mother who is Alaric’s ex-wife but, like, so what? He knows that vampires exist simply by being in the council, so why would it matter at this point in time that he would know Isobel? LIKE WHO CARES?

44.   It also makes no sense that Alaric would team up with Damon to kill John. Alaric, are you not also a hunter? Should you not be a part of the council? Your sudden allegiance to Damon makes literally no sense.

45.   I do kind of love that Stefan shows up to Elena’s house to let her know what’s going on with him instead of just trying to shrug it off alone because they rely on one another now J

46.   And when he hugs her. “I love you so much.” Man, I feel that shit in my BONES. And the way Elena hugs him, like trying her best to take away all of his doubt and agitation. That earnestness, man.

47.   Seriously, if Damon’s endgame was to apparently get Stefan to face his true nature and help him then he would’ve said it by now instead of continuously tempting him to drink blood by leaving glasses around the room and walking away, it’s a fucking power play.

48. Bonnie did not return this episode. That was 121. Ugh.

OK! I am DONE J Hope you enjoyed my semi-coherent review!

She would find that love again - one day. And it would be deep and unrelenting and unexpected, the beginning and the end and eternity, the kind that could change history, change the world.
—  Queen of Shadows by Sarah J. Maas