It’s not something you’ve ever placed on me, I need you to understand that. It’s what I’ve placed on myself since I first met you. I never wanted to let you down, Diana. I want to be better than I am. I want to be the man you believe I can be. I always want to be better than I am. And as much as I’d like to say that’s all about me…it’s only half the truth. Because it’s about you, too. It’s about me wanting to be that man for you.
Anonymous said to kpopgroupsreact: Bts reaction when theres a new trainee who’s beautiful and have potentional and don’t know them?
Rap Monster: He would probably try to act cool and approach you right away. If you were a rapper he’d offer to help you out.
“If there’s anything you want to work on or need help with just ask. That’s what sunbaes are for.”
Jin: I can imagine Jin being more inclined towards the less forward approach. He’d probably glance over at you a lot whenever you were in the practice room, and wait for moments where you were close enough and the situation was right so that he could start chatting you up.
When is she going to walk over?
Suga: He probably wouldn’t approach you right away, instead I think Suga would be the type to slyly and discreetly try to get closer to you.
When discussing plans for a new song he’d probably slip in something about you.
“So um, that new trainee I think we can use her in the next project. She’s got a nice tone, it’ll match well with the vocal line. It’ll be good exposure for her too…what was her name again?” Trying very hard to be natural, ft. Jimin.
J-Hope: You’d catch his eye while practicing a BTS choreo and he’d be really impressed. He’s a nice person in general but he’d be extra nice to you and offer to help you out with dancing if you wanted.
Maybe she’d like an album too, I should put one aside for her. The one where my signature looks the nicest.
Jimin: When he noticed you practicing he’d be pretty impressed, and although a little shy he’d try and act cooler while practicing. During breaks when you were near enough he’d probably try acting all indifferent while addressing you.
“So you’re the new trainee huh?” (OMG Jimin, stahp. We all know you’ll turn squishy in less than 2.5 seconds.)
V: Taehyung would be extra extra. He’s a social little alien so he’d have no problem approaching you first without any reservations and chatting you up. Be prepared for a lot of flirting!
“I haven’t seen you around before, what’s your name?”
Jungkook: He’d most definitely be too shy to approach you on his own. Especially since he thinks you’re really beautiful and talented, so you’re extra intimidating. Although for him, girls are intimidating in general. He’d probably try being discreet about his interest in you, maybe asking the staff or waiting for an opportunity to arise on its own and secretly wishing you’d just approach him first.
“So um,” slides up close to the vocal trainer, “that new trainee, who is she?”
Trainer: “Why, you interested?”
“Ah…no just curious, she’s got a good voice so…ahem…excuse me.” Runs away.
Your hands were shaking furiously. They’d made you feel worthless, undeserving, like a failure. And you punished yourself for hating them. You should be grateful for all your parents had done for you, but here you were hating them. You punished yourself for hating them, but you punished yourself for loving them after EVERYTHING they’d done to you. You were stuck in this everlasting cycle, where no matter what, you made yourself the problem. They always spoke to you like they were the victim. Like you were stupid and disrespectful. So you questioned whether you really were unreasonable with them, and that led to more self-punishment. You ran your hands into your hair and grasped firmly, tightly, bordering in painful. You were seeking pain at this point. Anything real to keep you grounded while your mental state crumbled away. You sat in the couch and kept your hands in your hair, head between your knees as you tried to control your breathing. You clench your fists tightly until your nails start to pinch your palms. You just needed him. He knew what it was like, being made to feel like nothing. He’d opened up to you, and maybe it was about time you did the same. Your arms were tensed as you wandered up the stairs. He was in the bedroom flicking through maps and documents. You relaxed at the sight of him. It wasn’t that you didn’t trust Rafe, it was just that you’d never had a strong enough reason to cry in front of him.
You wrapped your arms around his waist and rested your head on his back.
‘Hey.’ He said in an absent-minded greeting. You hum in response. ‘You’d think…’ He released a map from his fingers and it floated back onto the desk surface slowly, 'after all these hours I’d have made some sort of progress.’ You bit your lip, the emptiness in the pit of your stomach pushing tears out your eyes, and you swallowed over and over, and held your breath to stop the noises and sobs from escaping. You kept completely still, but your arms instinctively clung tighter to him.
'Yeah, you’d think.’ You tried to sound upbeat, sarcastic even, but an unexpected crack in your voice betrays you. You mentally scold yourself.
'Y/N?’ He turned his head to get a better look at you. And it made you crack. You barked out a cry, tears spilling and sinking into the fabric of his shirt. Rafe immediately dropped the papers and turned around. You withdrew your arms and held them uselessly in front of you while your body shook with sobs. Rafe was stunned still, hands on your shoulders as he tried to think of what to do. He’d never seen you cry before; it was a totally new side to him. One that he hadn’t hoped to see, but he had wondered why you hadn’t cried like this before. He stammered, mouth opening and closing.
You slowed your breathing, burying the heels of your palms in your eyes.
'It’s okay,’ you smiled through the shaky breaths, 'you don’t have to say anything I just- ugh, it’s nothing I swear.’ You let out a laugh to reassure him. When you meet his eyes with your puffy red ones, tears dripping off your top lashes onto your cheeks, he looks positively petrified. Then you instantly regret crying in front of him. He struggled to get a hold on his emotions as it was, much less other people’s. Or yours.
'Uh…’ He swallowed. He was panicked. He wasn’t expecting to deal with an explosion of emotion just now. So you just hugged him, letting him know he didn’t need to say anything, just be there. He sat next to you on the edge of the bed.
'What’s wrong?’ Rafe mumbled. It made your heart ache for him.
'I didn’t mean to jump this on you.’ You smile again.
'You smile an awful lot when you cry.’
'Sorry, sir.’ You quip back at him, smiling sadly.
'I’m sorry I’m the worst person for this.’ He rubs your back with one hand, the other draped lazily over his knee.
'Rafe you’re the best person for this right now. Has it ever occurred to you that you’re the first person I’ve cried in front of for like… A year. I refuse to cry in front of people. I built up such a positive reputation for myself, that I’m worried if people see me cry it’ll poison that. And people won’t come to me for help. I want to help people, but if people see I have problems, they often pity me instead of letting me help them with whatever they have going on. I’m not saying people have to come to me, but… I dunno. I shut myself up for people, but that doesn’t mean I condone it. I shut myself up because I don’t want other people to shut themselves up. It’s hypocritical but it works.’
'You’ve never done that for me, right?’
'What do you mean?’
'You’ve never shut away your problems for me, right? When I opened up to you, tell me you didn’t used to cry alone because you were scared I wouldn’t be open with you. Tell me you’ve never hidden yourself away for my benefit.’
He let his head drop forward.
'I’m sorry.’ You said in unison, and he pulled you into his lap.
'Never again.’ You promise, nuzzling into his neck and placing soft kisses there. You fell back with him and laid there in comfortable silence, kissing his neck in the most comforting way while he stroked your hair. He’d fetched you a box of tissues, and as you lay with him, you clutched a tear soaked sheet.
'Why were you crying?’ Rafe finally asks, and you curl into his side, stroking his chest.
'I held it in too long.’
'But what triggered it?’
'Bad people. We’ll talk about it later I just wanna lay with you.’ You mutter against him. A lump rose in Rafe’s throat. He was glad you weren’t watching him. He wanted to crush you to him and hug you so tightly. It was something about the way you said it. Just the way you had kissed his neck without any other motive. The way you didn’t want to talk, rather just have him there was enough. It made his stomach swoop and it boggled his mind.
Your head shot up at that, looking him dead in the eye as he laid on his back. 'Why would you say that?’
He sat himself up, brows furrowed.
'Because if I had asked you what was wrong you wouldn’t have built it up. I would’ve been more approachable. I know how unapproachable I am, I don’t want that for you.’ His face was stern. You looked at him in disbelief. You weren’t offended, you were… Almost horrified at how quickly he blamed himself for something that wasn’t on him. It was never on him.
You held up the tissue in your hand.
'Do you know why this happened?’
'Because I didn’t ask you? Because I wasn’t good enough? How many reasons do you want, I got hundreds-’
'And how many of them don’t blame you? Rafe this was never your fault. Ever. This is me. This is all on me and my shit. I held it all in by myself, does that sound like your fault?’ He shook his head. 'I kept a secret from you, does that sound like your fault?’ He shook his head again.
'No. No buts. I hid myself away, but when I let it out, and I came to see you, you were there for me, brilliantly, perfectly. You were what I needed - who I needed - when I needed it. I’m not blaming myself for pity points, Rafe. I’m blaming myself because I am the one to blame. And not only that, I’m blaming myself because you need to understand that not everything bad that happens to me, is your fault. Not everything bad that happens to you is your fault, and not everything bad that that may happen in this relationship is your fault. Please, please understand that. Blame yourself when it’s due. And if you don’t know who to blame, blame the sky or something, or the guy down the road, but never yourself.’ You leant down to kiss him, slow and passionate and filled with affection. You pulled back. 'But… If you blame the guy down the road don’t kill him or anything. That… That’d be bad…’ You smiled, looking at his lips, his nose, the shape of his face and how his cheekbones were chiselled so finely. And at your reflection in his eyes and how you belonged there.
'I love you so much, Rafe.’ Rafe wouldn’t let your lips be away from his for another moment. He pulled you down and under, appreciating every divot and inch of you, because you’d lifted such a heavy weight from him, and if he didn’t cling to you now he’d float away.
'I love you,’ he said, 'I love you, I love you, I love you,’ the shape of your collarbones were made for his lips, the shapes of your fingers were meant for his fingers, everything about you fit him so perfectly, everybody else just looked crooked. He’d mapped every part of you to the point he couldn’t get lost, and it made him feel safe. And he made it his mission, his purpose, to appreciate every acre of you.
My wifi has been a piece of shit lately, haven’t uploaded much D: hope this makes up for it :3 MWAH