werent even good but still loved them

ONE MORE CHANCE

(requested by anon)

Kai Parker x Reader
word count : 4 998
summary : Reader has feelings for Kai and tells him but he rejects her which leads her to become a vampire and turn off her humanity just as Kai comes back a new person after the merge.
* gif by shelleyhenign

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“You don’t get it , do you?” said Kai with a little hint of amusement in his voice.”I dont feel emotions , I don’t care or feel anything. Emotions are nothing but a distraction plus I don’t even like you and even if those things werent true - you and me still would never happen. You are just not good enough for me. Why would I chose a human ?”

Kai’s words kept echoing in her mind. Having the person you have feelings for turn you down was not something unheard in human history , but doing it the way Kai had done it – her feelings had gotten hurt so badly she wanted it all gone. All the love she felt for him , all the pain - absolutely everything. Her friends didnt know about her feelings for Kai or about what had happened and Y/N didnt plan on letting them know either meaning compelling it away wasn’t an option. So that left her with option number 3 because clearly moving on wasnt going so well either. Becoming a vampire hadn’t been on her bucket list , but it was her only option and she could already hear the lectures from Elena and Caroline. They’d say how lucky she is to be still a human and be able to have a future , kids and a family. But those things just didnt matter to her if she couldnt have them with the person she loved. Kai wasn’t going to change - he will always be the same , so there was no point in waiting for the impossible either. He will always say whatever pops into his head , not caring what his words or actions do to the people around him simply because he had no emotions. Why should she remain a human ?


It had been a few days since Christmas and the siphoner had been safely tucked in into Alaric’s apartment on Whitmore campus until Jo was ready to do the merge. All her friends were taking shifts guarding him just in case and that day it was her turn. Y/N sat on the couch , glancing at him every few minutes refusing to go anywhere near him. There was a part of her that was 100% sure she’d pull out that tube from his arm and let him go. What she felt for him was so strong that even after he hurt her , she’d still free him and cross her friends. What the hell was wrong with her ?!
   "Hey Y/N. How is our comatose patient?” asked Damon handing her a cup with coffee. “He hasn’t caused any trouble , has he ?”
   "Comatose and no.” she said blankly, taking a sip from her coffee. What kind of a trouble can he cause if he is being unconscious ?
   "Whats wrong ?”
   "Nothing. What makes you think something is wrong ?” she wondered , trying to sound as normal as possible. Damon knew her too well not to pick up on her tells not to mention the way he was studying her face made her feel a little nervous.
   "Because I know you and short answers are not what you do.” said her best friend , lightly rubbing her shoulders. “Usually you dont shut up. Sometimes you are even more annoying than him.”
Y/N sighed. “I was just thinking how all my friends are supernaturals and wont age while I will turn into a wrinkled sag in a few short years. Its depressing. And of course there is that time at the corn maze when my human friends were all dying and I couldn’t do anything to help.”
   "You know if you want me to , I’ll turn you. Even though after that Elena and Caroline will bite my head off.“ said Damon sitting on the couch next to her.
Y/N started laughing. “They would wouldn’t they?”
   "Yeah. Look Y/N ,  there was a reason we tried to find the cure for Elena.“ he said calmly. “Being a vampire is not all that is cracked out to be and if you make that choice there is no going back.”
   "I’ve already made the choice Damon. I want this.“ she said serious. “You , Stefan , Elena , Caroline — you guys are not just my friends , you are my family. I love you all more than I can put into words and I cant imagine ever being without any of you. I want us to be together forever.”
Damon tucked up his sleeve and bit his wrist. “Well , if you are absolutely sure.”
   "I am.“ she replied taking his wrist , feeling his blood trickle down her throat for a few moments until she let go. He wiped away some of it from her chin with his thumb , still having doubts about what he had to do next. Y/N was his best friend , one of the few who can put up with him and were always willing to defend him even when he makes huge mistakes. What if turning her into one of them was one of those ?
   "Promise me , you will explain to Elena thats what you wanted and I didn’t push you into anything?”
   "You got it.“ she smiled. “Um … could you do it painlessly ?”
   "Of course , but I have to ask again - are you sure , really really sure ?“
Y/N nodded and a few seconds later Damon broke her neck , letting her lay down on the couch. He went to the kitchen to get a blood bag from the fridge to be ready for her when she wakes up , but somehow he couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong and she hadn’t been completely honest about her reasons. When he came back Tyler was in the room , pulling out the tube with the sedative from Kai’s arm. Not too long after , Tyler was the one laying on the ground unsconcious and the young siphoner regained consciousness. On their way out of the house he stopped pointing at Y/N and glancing at the blood bag on the coffee table.
   "What is she doing here ?” he asked curious. “Is she sleeping ? Awwh look how cute she is now that she is not talking. I might even like her now.”
Kai took a step towards her but Damon pulled him away before the siphoner had figured out Y/N wasn’t breathing and had put two and two together.
   "Y/N? She was keeping an eye on you and you bored her to death.“ said Damon dragging Kai out the door. “Come on creeper. You want to do the merge , you have a deal to uphold."Not too long after that Y/N woke up , finding a blood bag on the coffee table waiting for her. The girl grabbed it without hesitation and completed the transition noticing Kai wasn’t where he was supposed to be and that this wasn’t the only thing that was off in that moment.
    "Tyler?” she said getting up and running towards him, checking for pulse. “Oh my God wh-what happened ?!”
Her eyes followed the tube in his neck and she pulled it out sitting on the ground next to her lifelong friend. What had happened after Damon had snapped her neck ? Damon. Y/N’s eyes widened and she reached for her phone in her pocket dialling her friend when Tyler groaned and started to wake up.
    “Hey , are you okay ? What happened ?”
    “I’m going to kill him.”
    “Him ? Who ? Kai ?”
    “No. Damon.”
Y/N looked at him with confusion in her eyes. “Damon ? Wha-”
    “I have to go. I’m sorry Y/N , thank you for pulling that tube out but I have to go now or Liv –”
    “Y-yeah of course.”
Y/N sat on the floor running her fingers through her hair , watching Tyler run out of the apartment when her phone buzzed - DAMON.
    “What the hell did you do ?” she said answering the phone.
    “Saved Liz’s life.” he said as if it was obvious. “I take it you completed the transition?”
    “Yes ? Why ?” she wondered.
    “Because we have a psychotic siphoner out on the loose. Kai gave me the slip.” he sighed. “Come over at the hospital. I’ll explain everything.”

THE NEXT DAY

After the merge with Luke , Kai had found himself in a situation he had never thought he’d be in. During the merge with his brother he had absorbed not only his ability to do magic but quite a few other things including his empathy. He had spent the entire night after the merge trying to figure out how to process all the emotional pain he felt. Every bad thing he had ever done came back into his mind and her regretted , if not all , at least most of them. Kai had no idea what was happening to him or why there was water pooling in his eyes while he kept writing it all down , including a letter to his twin Jo because for some reason he couldn’t find her. Afterwards he went to Damon to ask for help to deliver the letter to his sister.
Kai talked for a while with Damon and Elena and then someone else he had been wanting to see showed up , as if he had wished for it to happen - Y/N , the only person who had shown him some kindness among the Mystic Falls gang. About a week ago she had told him she has feelings for him and he had said some really hurtful things to her and he wanted to make it right.
Y/N stopped right at the door when she saw he was there. Kai couldn’t help but smile a little seeing her there though there was something different about her and he couldn’t understand what it was. Her hair had a blue strand mixed with her curls and her outfit nearly knocked him over. Last time they had met Y/N had looked hot , now she looked beyond hot wearing a slightly baggy ripped jeans with sneakers and a plain top.
   "Oh hey Y/N. I’m so glad you are here.“ he said getting up from the table. "I wanted to talk to you.”
   "Yeah. No , sorry. I have exams to study for.“ she said with a blank expression. "Can I go grab some of — you know ? Downstairs ?”
   "Why ? Did you get tired of – ?“
   "Y/N, please , I have to tell you something. I am s-” he blinked and she was gone. Kai turned around towards Damon and Elena with a look of confusion on his eyes. “Where did she go ? What – What did you do to her ?”
   "Haven’t done a thing. Y/N just doesn’t like you. None of us do. Haven’t you taken the hint already?“ said Damon.
No. That wasn’t it. Y/N might not have told her friends about the feelings she has for him , but Kai knew this girl couldn’t hate him. It just wasn’t who she was - he had gotten a good sense of her. Y/N was too good for her own good , too kind and too forgiving. Something was wrong.
   "The blood bag. You turned her.” thought Kai out loud. Why did he feel like his entire world has crashed and burned right this moment? “Why would you do that to her ? Was she hurt or something ?”
    “Because she asked me to.” said Damon. “Though that backfired. I should’ve seen it coming -”
    “Backfired ? What do you mean by that ?” interrupted Kai. “Damon. Tell me now or I am not going to help you.”
Damon took a sip from his bourbon. “Y/N turned off her humanity and turned into one of the biggest problems I’ve ever had.” said the vampire. “One thing I can’t figure out is why she’d do this right after she turned.”
Kai gulped. He knew exactly why - because of him. Another rush of guilt pulled him under at the realisation. There had to be a way for him to fix this and he was going to fix it , no questions about it , but first —
    “Where is the Ascendant ?”

A FEW DAYS LATER


Y/N was at the rave at Whitmore, having fun with Caroline who had just turned off her humanity too because of her mother’s death. Both of them had fun dancing and feeding , though Caroline had invoked a rule - no victims so they don’t attract attention. Y/N didn’t care much about that , or about anything really. Only thing she seemed to care about blood.
    “That guy keeps checking you out.” said Caroline pointing at one of the guys , not too far away from them. “He hadn’t taken his eyes off you the entire night.”
    “Maybe he is looking at you.”
    “No , no. It’s definitely you.”
    “Well then , I better go meet him.”
Y/N turned towards her friend with a smile and purple / black veins flashing under her eyes. Slowly she made her way through the crowd until she got to the guy. Her hands automatically hooked around his neck and they started dancing to the beat , almost in perfect sync and then out of the blue he kissed her. It felt weird not feeling a thing while making out with a hot guy like him, well almost nothing until Y/N’s vampirism kicked in feeling his blood pulsating in his veins.
    “You are not going to make a sound.” she compelled him , sinking her fangs into his neck the next moment. Not too long it felt as if every blood vessel in her head was exploding and she backed away from the guy , having her neck snapped a split second later.A couple of days later  Kai convinced Damon to bring him over to Bonnie who had found her way out of the Prison World , so he can apologise to her and after that hadn’t gone well he had started losing hope anyone would ever forgive him for anything. Right before the vampire had pulled him away , Kai had spotted Y/N in the crowd , ditching Damon straight away to get to her. Y/N had looked hot before but now wearing those black boots and those tight black skinny jeans with a white top with a skull like print on it , she looked even hotter. Quite literally taking his breath away the way she jumped up to the beat with a blue strand in her hair dancing around her shoulders. Last thing he wanted to do was cause her anymore pain but he had no other option if he wanted to grab her and find a way to turn her humanity back on — and maybe find a way to reverse her vampirism turning her back into a human.
After her body started to drop , he caught her and carried her to his car and then to his apartment , putting a boundary spell around it before cloaking himself and sneaking into Alaric’s apartment to ‘borrow’ some of his vervain supply.

A few hours later Y/N woke up tied to a chair with vervain ropes. Her surroundings were unfamiliar but she got an idea where she was when a familiar face popped right in front of her. Of course. Who else would be stupid enough to get the drop on her ? Under other circumstances she probably would’ve rejoiced to have Kai standing barely a metre away from her but not in this moment. There wasn’t a trace of emotion left in her.
  “What the - ” she wondered , struggling to get herself free, groaning in pain more and more each time as the vervain stung on her skin.
   "Hi.“ grinned Kai. "If you keep struggling , you will only get yourself hurt , Y/N. I just want us to talk , that’s all and then I will let you go.”
   "Charming. Do you always tie up the girls you want to talk to ? Or do you do that just to the ones you know can’t stand you?“
  "I tried talking to you the other day , remember? You ran off before I had said a word to you.” he said blankly. “So , you are a vampire now. Why would you do that to yourself?”
   "I had my reasons which do not concern you.“ she replied continuing to struggle against the vervain ropes.  Y/N had been a vampire for a few days but already hated vervain more than she thought possible. Kai had tied her ankles to the legs of the chair too making sure she couldn’t move even if she wanted to.
   "Did you do it because of what I said ?” he asked.
   "So full of yourself.“ she said a little amused. "Not everything happens because of you Parker. Why don’t you let me go and we can maybe go grab a bite somewhere ?”
   "Not letting you go until you turn that switch back on.“
   "Funny. Why have you taken that upon yourself ? Did Damon roped you into saving his best friend from ‘the biggest mistake she had ever done’ ?” she asked blankly. Seeing Kai like that was different - maybe because she was different or maybe because he had merged and according to the billion messages Damon had left her - he had feelings now. His eyes were filled with worry , sadness and regret. He looked almost broken.
   "I care about you thats why.“
   "You care about me ? Do you even hear yourself ?!” she said incredulous. “I dont feel emotions , I don’t care or feel anything. Your words , not mine.”
Kai got up from his chair , going to pour himself some coffee and Y/N used his distraction to pull on the ropes again with all her strength ignoring the pain from the vervain. A few seconds later she was free and quickly she ran towards the door , opening it and bouncing right off it the next moment.
   "What the hell?!“ she wondered , her hands hitting the invisible barrier over and over , pointlessly trying to get through it. Y/N sighed and turned towards him. Kai was  grinning at her while taking a sip from his coffee as if he hadn’t done a thing. A boundary spell. Should’ve known. she thought to herself.
   "You are not going anywhere sweetheart. Not until we talk and you turn that humanity switch back on.”
   "I’d rather kill you than talk to you or see you or be in the same room as you.“ she said through gritted teeth , whooshing herself towards him until their bodies were barely an inch from each other. "Let me leave now , or I you die.”
   "You won’t kill me.“ he said calmly.
   "Owhh ? Are you counting on my feelings for you to kick in at some point? Because they won’t. They no longer exist and as far as I am concerned neither do you.” she said with a mocking look on her face , seconds before purple black veins flashed under her eyes and her teeth sank into his neck.
Kai dropped his coffee on the ground , trying to push her off. Truth to be told he had been expecting that maybe seeing him would get her to flip the switch back on. He had heard multiple times that love is the strongest force there is and blah blah even though he didn’t understand any of it and he hadn’t expected her to actually try and kill him.
   "Motus.“ he muttered , sending her flying off him almost hitting the wall at the other end of the room. "Dang Y/N , maybe Damon was right. I didn’t want to believe him at first but you have lost everything that made you who you are by flipping that stupid humanity switch. You are not this person.”
Y/N wiped his blood of her chin and launched at him again , dropping on the ground with a spectacular witchy headache a split second later. Now she knew why Damon was always in a horrid vengeance mood after those. It felt as if every blood vessel in her head popped all over , healed and popped all over again.
  “I am going to kill you.” she said through gritted teeth.
  “No. You won’t.” he said calmly , taking a step towards her. “I am going to get you to flip that switch back on and then I will find a way to reverse what Damon did to you.”
  “Don’t — waste your t-time.” she struggled to speak. “I don’t n-need fixing.”
Y/N kept struggling to get to him and somehow break his concentration but he wouldn’t stop. He placed his hand on his wound healing it with magic wondering who was this person in front of him ? Surely he hadn’t been the nicest person ever , specially to her but — Kai couldn’t stand seeing her like this , though he had to admit her being a vampire how made her even hotter in his eyes than before. He closed his eyes hearing her scream and groan in pain rolling on the ground for a few moments before he stopped the spell and he knelt down next to her , brushing his fingers against her cheek.  
   "You are not this person Y/N. “ said Kai taking a step towards her. "You are kind , caring - ”
   "Was.“
   "You still are.”
   "No.“
   "Please Y/N. I am really sorry about what I said and did that day.” he said gazing into her eyes. They were so cold and empty it broke him in half. “I didn’t see it back then but now I do and I know it is my fault you did this. I was a idiot , the biggest one rejecting you.”
   "Finally. One thing we can agree on.“ she said sitting up and starring at him blankly. There was no way he’d actually think any of this and even if he was , that wont make her flip it back on. Wont change what he made her do or erase all the pain he caused. Y/N leaned in towards him , brushing her palm against his cheek giving him a small smile. For a moment he smiled too , thinking probably somehow he had broken through the tough exterior or at least had made a crack.
   "You are pathetic.” she pit. “I am bored. Do you hate a deck of cards somewhere?”
   "Fine then. We do it the hard way.“ he said getting up, breaking her leg in the next moment. "You are going to turn it on now or I will keep breaking and breaking cuz – sweetheart , we both know I am the actual monster here.”
Y/N screamed in pain rolling on the ground but before she had had time to heal Kai flicked his wrist and her leg broke on another spot and another. Something in her mind started pushing its way through hearing his words. A flicker of  emotion , but she shoved it back where it came from before it had crawled its way out of the black door in her mind.
  “Turn it on.”
  “NO.”
Kai flicked his wrist again breaking her other leg and her arm. He couldn’t stand what he was doing to her. Every flick of his wrist only added more to the guilt he already felt. What was he even doing ? After all of this there was no way she’d forgive him , ever.
  “Keep breaking Parker.” she started laughing. “It will be even more satisfying when I get to rip your head off after that.”
  “You are the best thing that has come into my life and I was so blind not seeing it back then.  I can’t live with the guilt of everything I did to you.”  his voice breaking. “I didn’t even know guilt can drown you without actually drowning you. It keeps me up at night -”
Y/N wasn’t listening. Instead she was running scenarios in her head on how she’d get her revenge after that , not caring that would mean Liv’s death or Jo’s death. Not giving a damn about how Alaric would react to losing his future wife and his unborn twinsies. Not caring what Tyler would do to her if his girl dies. Kai knelt down on the ground next to her , studying her face. His eyes were so different in that moment - filled with tears, pain and regret.
  “Kill me.” he dared her, stopping the spell. “Come on. Kill me.”
Y/N caught her breath laying on the ground. “You are bluffing.”
  “Rip my heart out.” he dared her again getting on top of her , placing her hand on his chest. “Put me out of my misery because I can’t live another second with the guilt about everything that I’ve done to you. Or to Jo or Liv. Or even Bonnie.”
Kai’s heart was racing so fast it felt as if it was trying to leap out of his chest and then a tear rolled down his cheek which he completely ignored. Their eyes were locked on each other and none of them was willing to look away from the other.
  “No.” she shook her head, pulling her hand away from his chest. “No , you deserve to live with it eating you away for the rest of your pat-”
Kai didn’t let her finish. There was one thing left for him to try , hoping that maybe it would get her to turn her humanity back on. He pinned her hands on either side of her head and his lips crashed against hers , hungry and demanding , pulling the air out of her lungs. At first she struggled trying to push him off her which only made him kiss her harder until she stopped struggling and returned the kiss. His grip on her hands loosened and she tangled her fingers in his hair , both of them moaning into the kiss until Kai pulled away , resting his forehead on hers.
  “I should’ve started with that.” he said out of breath , gazing into her eyes. “Please tell me it worked.”
His heart was racing faster than ever , still feeling her lips on his. Y/N just stared at him and a few tears rolled down her temples. “Get off me. Now.”
Kai’s face darkened but he did as she asked , rolling onto the ground next to her. He had hoped this would flip the switch , he hoped it had flipped it back considering how she had kissed him back. How it was possible that it hadn’t worked ?!
  “What did I do?” she muttered , covering her face with her hands. “Oh my God what did I do?”
  “Y/N?” he turned towards her. “What are you talking about ? Hey , talk to me.”
Y/N shook her head refusing to say a word and then it hit him - her switch had flipped back on and every emotion had came rushing into her mind. Kai removed her hands from her face , pulling her into his embrace. He knew exactly how she felt in that moment because he had experienced the same thing a few days ago.
  “I’m sorry. I am so sorry Y/N. It’s all my fault. I was an idiot , I am an idiot who hurt you so many times and led  you to do that to yourself , but I am going to fix it. I promise. I will find a way to fix everything.” said Kai , kissing her forehead. “I am so sorry and I know I don’t deserve  your forgiveness but I need you to give me one more chance to make things right.”
Y/N’s mind was racing like crazy - what was she thinking becoming a vampire. Turning off her humanity and shutting out everything that made her who she was ?! All those people she hurt , the ones who got killed because she couldn’t handle rejection. Tears were streaming down her face so fast it was pointless to try and stop them.
    “I know you hate me and you have every right to… I will spend every day until the rest of my life trying to make up for everything.”
Kai waited for her to say something , to stop crying  holding her tightly towards him. Slowly rocking back and forth trying to calm her down.
  “I bit you. Oh my God , I bit you..” her hands covered her face. “All the things I said. Everything I did.”
  “It’s okay. It wasn’t you , I know it wasn’t”
  “I am so sorry.” she cried turning towards him. Kai was crying too.
  “Does that mean you w-will you give me one more chance? I promise I will find out a way to make you a human again and  — maybe we can have a future – together. ” he wondered , wiping away a few tears from her cheeks.
   "Y-you want me to be a human ?” she said through tears. “But you said -”
   "I was so blind and ignorant , not realising what I had until I lost it. Please Y/N , give me one more chance. Just one.“ he pleaded.
Y/N smiled at him. "One more chance. D-don’t screw it up Malachai.”
Kai grinned at her , usually he’d have other reaction to people calling him by his full name but not with her. He loved the way it had rolled off her tongue , like its the most special thing in the world to her.
   "Wouldn’t dream of it.“ replied Kai , kissing her again.




MASTERLIST - SMUT
MASTERLIST - FLUFF
MY KMF BACKSTAGE EXPERIENCE.

Before the concert my Uncle ( the manger and song producer ) suprised me with a signed EXO album.

I first headed off to the concert and entered the arena. I sat in L1 which is the middle area.

 

At  6:30 I got a call to go backstage and get toured by 2AM’s manager in an hour. When it was time, we went to the building behind the stage. We met 2AM’ manager and he gave us the passes to be able to be backstage. (this concert was a concert that anyone other then staff or artist can not enter) 

The manager told us to wait in front of the room and he went in to get 2AM ready. While we were waiting we heard a group of boys doing vocal warmups at the staircase next to us, we started to freak out. After hearing alot of footsteps B1A4 was walking past us. Surprisingly I was calm and actually said “annyeonghaseyo” and they replied, smiling, and even pat my little brother’s head. Every member made eye contact with me. I have this on video too (but Im not going to release it because i promised that I wouldnt) I was trying really hard to be the fan that doesnt disturb them with screaming. I was successful. hehe.

So when 2AM got out we took a picture with them.

(IM IN THE GRAY SHIRT)

After taking the picture we couldnt get a signature because they had to go do hair&makeup.

Due to the concert starting and the backstage being hectic we were told by 2AM’s manager that we couldnt visit anyone else. I was pretty bummed out but I was grateful to even be able to be backstage.

So we went back to the arena and watched the performance. My sister texted my uncle and told him about what we did. And after hearing that we only took a picture with 2AM ( not even all the members ) he got mad and told us he would call back. In less than 4 minutes he called saying that Dalshabet’s manager will take us around this time. So during intermission we went back. The first stage after intermission ended was EXO’s. I started hearing “WOLF” play outside and we were walking to go into the backstage building. I was sad because this was finally my chance to see EXO perform in front of my eyes and not on a TV. Dalshabet’s manager saw my face expression and asked if I liked EXO. I said yes and he was like do you want to atleast watch their performance? I said yes so we went into the room with the door to go on stage and watch from the big tv. While we were watching, a few celebrities walked past us including Insooni & Ali.  

Insooni also asked if we were Korean and said that we were pretty. ( LIKE TF )

After EXO’s performance was done Dalshabet’s manager told us to come with him. He was leading us to an elevator and we were waiting for it to open. When it opened we heard some staff telling us to wait and asked if they can use it first. guess who it was.

it was EXO.

I was internally freaking out. They were less then an arms reach from me. AND THEY WERE BEYOND ATTRACTIVE. They were ALL attractive. Like pictures dont do any of them justice.

They were sweating alot ( Xiumin was sweating the most… like alot ) and they barely made it into the elevator because they were trying to catch their breaths.This was when I was starting to get more worried rather than excited. When they went past me we made eye contact and they made an effort to smile at me despite their breathing condition. Xiumin & Chen went in first and Luhan & Kris quickly followed after. Xiumin and Chen were on the right side of the elevator so I couldnt see them again but Kris and Luhan was right in front of me. Kris was bent over with his hands on his knees and luhan infront of him squatting on the floor both trying to catch their breathes. They looked extremely tired. They realized that I was still standing there and tried to smile at me, I smiled back. They kept trying to breathe and Luhan kept looking at me trying to smile, at a point I couldnt take it anymore so I started shaking my head motioning him to stop and properly catch his breathe. He gave me a small smile and nodded. But keep in mind that this was kinda short. The staff in the elevator kept telling the outside people to hurry up. I turned to look at who they were talking to and it was Tao. He couldnt even walk and had to be helped by the other staff. Im thinking that he hurt his waist/back. He passed by me and we made eye contact and they went down the elevator. I was on the verge of crying. If they werent still in front of me I wouldve bawled. Seeing half of the boys I care for and love in front of me hurt because they try to show us a good stage… it really made me realize how hard they work. Even at the moment, since I was a fan I wasnt supposed to see this side of them, they still tried to act as if nothing was wrong when in fact something was clearly wrong. Luhan tried his best to smile I couldnt stand that. I have a video of this but like I said I promised I wouldnt release any videos. 

But anywasy instead of taking the elevator we went the stair route ( which wasnt bad it was like 10 steps. lol ) ( where B1A4 was going down doing their vocal warmups ) and when we were down EXO was walking out of the elevator. We let them go first and they went inside their rooms. We walked to the end of the hallway and Dalshabet’s manager told us to wait and he went into the room. B1A4 walked out and we got a picture.

They were all really nice and ATTRACTIVE VERY ATTRACTIVE. After the picture we greeted them and was lead to Dalshabet’s room and we went in and also took pictures with them.

They were freakin gorgeous and actually really nice. ( they werent fake ) We talked to them for awhile. When I tried to tell them that they were really pretty they said that we were first ( pfft ) We said bye and went to the main room again. The manager asked me if I really wanted to see EXO but I said no. It broke my heart but I still said no. They look like they were dying in the elevator, and I couldnt bring myself to disturb them. So we went back into the hallway and the manager was stopped by another manger and they were talking while we waited on the side. ( I cant say what they were talking about but it was intresting. ) While were waiting/listening EXO’s manager passed by and I immediately took a picture. (lol) 

 and the MC of the concert ( Jay Park ) knocked on one of the doors and Chnagmin & Jinoon opened and they were talking.

 We then exited backstage and went back to watching the concert. 

The sky turned darker and thats when everyone turned on their lights. It was beautiful. ( besides EXO’s performance, because I missed it ) B1A4”s performance was probably the best. Especially with the colorful ocean. Thats when I actually scream/sang along. They put on a good stage. They were never really my favorite but it was probably the best stage. 

Personally, this was a good and bad experience. I got to see what happens backstage and its not as pretty as it seems. I just cant say everything that I saw or heard.What I said was either the nicest I can say it or I never said what happened. EXO was in a worse situation then I stated. To the point that I couldnt bring myself to disturb them for a picture or a sign. I realized that just because we see them smiling in shows doesnt mean theyre fine anywhere else. They try to put on a better show for us each time. All idols do, we need to give them more credit and respect.

After the concert ended I was waiting in the car because Hollywood Bowl’s parking sucks I saw that there were pictures of them already in LAX. 

smiling.

It kills me to see pictures of them. Just imagining them going through worse, then what I saw. Dont get me wrong Im sure not all the smiles are fake but there are alot made from effort. It hurts even more to see Luhan now. When he kept trying to make an effort to smile at me, you can see the look in his eyes that he was sorry that he couldnt stand up and say hi or do anything for me. What makes me even more pissed is that after shows like these fans have the nerve to stalk them and hurt them. They work hard, give them their privacy. They shouldnt even need to ask for it.

I came back home to a signed MRMR album.

Today I had dinner with my Uncle ( thats the manager, song producer ) and Inkigayos PD. We went to karaoke after because we’re asian  and he said that he’ll do everything for me if I go to Korea. ( Im korean and Ive never been to Korea like tf ) SO YEA, IM EXCITED.

And tomorrow Im getting my hair done from one of my close family friends. ( shes like my aunt ) and she’s a popular hair & makeup person for Idols. ( she was there at the concert doing hair & makeup too )