were you LONELY

anonymous asked:

I'm a lesbian who's had some difficulties with my sexuality bc of hardcore m/f porn I watched as a teenager. After not using porn for almost a month, I fell back into using it again. I feel so awful and disgusting about myself... I feel gross. Do you have any advice?

Forgive yourself. Porn is addictive, there’s science to back that up, and your relapse is not some kind of moral failing and you’re not a terrible person. We all make mistakes and that’s okay, just accept that it happened and do your best to move on. If you can, try to identify what was happening and how you were feeling when you decided to watch porn. Were you stressed? Lonely? Depressed? These are all important questions to ask yourself. And remember, struggling with addiction to porn that involves males doesn’t make you less of a lesbian.

Me Every Day
  • A family member:I remember-
  • Me:THINKING, ARE WE OUT OF THE WOODS YET
  • A friend:Hey,h-
  • Me:HEY HEY HEY JUST THINK WHILE YOU'VE BEEN GETTING DOWN AND OUT ABOUT THE LIARS AND THE DIRTY DIRTY CHEATS OF THE WORLD, YOU COULD'VE BEEN GETTING DOWN TO THIS SICK BEAT
  • Ice skating teacher:The air's kinda cold, don't you thin-
  • Me:THE AIR WAS COLD, BUT SOMETHING BOUT IT FELT LIKE HOME SOMEHOW AND I . . .
  • Mom:You never-
  • Me:DID GIVE A DAMN THING HONEY BUT I CRIED, CRIED FOR YOU
  • Kindergarten teacher:Once upon a time-
  • Me:A FEW MISTAKE AGO, I WAS IN YOUR SIGHTS, YOU GOT ME ALONE
  • Everyone:We're not friends anymore. You never listen and-
  • Me:I'M ALONE, ON MY OWN, AND THAT'S ALL I KNOW.
3

Natasha + Guilt

You will never learn how to love me right. I know that now. I know that. I have realized that you can give a person five thousand chances but they will still let you down every time, it is in some peoples nature to hurt others. It is in your nature to hurt. It is in my nature to forgive. I am not going to sit here and take it anymore. I am not going to continue to let you use your hands to fix other people while you’re breaking me. I was there for you, I remember when you were lonely. I was the only person who stuck around. Now, you are surrounded by people and you don’t need me anymore. I was the only person in the entire world that would have done anything for you. I am leaving now, I am exiting your life as quietly as I can, and I am making sure not to slam the back door too loudly. One day, you will realize I am missing and you will try to fill my spot with so many other people, but trust me, that spot will always be empty. I am just so tired of loving a person who only loves me when it’s convenient.
—  December 13th, 2015

i thought of angels
choking on their halos

(get them drunk on rose water)

fallen angels who rip the feathers from their backs and devour them hungrily, scrambling for every last shred of their former lives and trying to cram it back into their bodies, panicking when grace starts to bleed from cuts in their skin, slurping it from their veins, desperately trying to force themselves back into what they once were. all the band-aids in the world won’t hold divinity into your bones.

It’s fucking pathetic that after so long, I still would do anything for you to want me again.