wendy c

OTP Prompt 95

Person A went through Wendy’s before class today. They were handed their food by Person B, a stranger, who took A’s breath away for a moment.

Person A smiles the whole way to class, and that goofy smile sticks when they think of B on their ride home too.

A week or so later, Person C finds at least 16 Wendy’s drive through receipts in A’s desk. (“When did you start liking frosties so much?”)

My 2016 In Reading

THE BOOKS I LOVED SO MUCH I WANTED TO SEW THEM INTO MY SKIN AKA MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF THE YEAR IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

Homegoing by Yaa Gyasi
Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson
Today I Am a Book by xTx
The Three Woes by Casey Hannan
A Bestiary by Lily Hoang
Queen of the Night by Alexander Chee
The Mothers by Brit Bennett
Commonwealth by Ann Patchett
The Red Car by Marcy Dermansky

THE BOOK THAT OPENED MY EYES AND MIND AND BROKE MY HEART WITH THE PAINFUL REALITY TOO MANY AMERICANS LIVE WITH

Evicted by Matthew Desmond

THE BOOK THAT WAS TOTAL TRASH AND I THINK THE WRITER HATES FAT PEOPLE WHICH IS FINE BECAUSE WE ALL HAVE OUR ISSUES BUT STILL, GIRL, WHAT….

Maestra by L.S. Hilton

THE COMING OF AGE PROSE POETRY THAT MOVED ME IMMEASURABLY

The Pocket Knife Bible by Anis Mojgani

THE BOOK THAT MADE ME THINK HILLARY CLINTON REALLY WAS GOING TO WIN THE PRESIDENCY

All the Single Ladies by Rebecca Traister

THE STRANGE BOOK ABOUT LONELINESS AND THE THINGS WE DO ONLINE THAT I HIGHLY RECOMMEND

Valletta78 by Erin Fitzgerald

THE POETRY BOOK I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND AT ALL THOUGH I COULD TELL THE POEMS WERE SUPER SMART

The House of Lords and Commons by Ishion Hutchinson

THE ACTION THRILLER THAT HAD LOTS OF HYPE BLURBS BUT WAS ONLY SO SO

The Second Life of Nick Mason by Scott Hamilton

THE RETELLING OF A CLASSIC THAT I REALLY ENJOYED, WHICH SURPRISED ME AND ALSO THE AUTHOR WROTE ONE OF MY FAVORITE BOOKS OF ALL TIME, AMERICAN WIFE

Eligible by Curtis Sittenfeld

THE BOOK THAT MADE ME CRY BECAUSE IT HELD SO MUCH I COULD RELATE TO AND THEN MADE ME A LITTLE MAD

13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl by Mona Awad

EXCELLENT SMALL PRESS BOOKS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT

Pink Museum by Caroline Crew
The Farmacist by Ashley Farmer
The Voyager Record by Anthony Michael Morena
Massive Cleansing Fire by Dave Housley

THE BOOK I READ TO LEARN HOW TO WRITE A COMIC BOOK SERIES EVEN THOUGH I WAS WRITING FOR THEIR MAJOR COMPETITOR

The DC Comics Guide to Writing Comics by Dennis O’Neil

THE COMIC BOOK I LOVED AND RECOMMEND OFTEN

Saga by Brian Vaughan

THE COMIC BOOK ISSUE I READ AND THOUGHT WAS NOT SO GOOD SO I HAVEN’T READ ANY OTHER ISSUES IN THE SERIES

Wonder Woman Rebirth #1

THE BOOK I WROTE AN INTRODUCTION FOR (OUT IN 2017! FROM BEACON PRESS!)

Like One of the Family by Alice Childress

THE BOOK I REVIEWED FOR THE NEW YORK TIMES

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult

THE BOOK I WANTED TO LOVE THAT HAD GORGEOUS OBSERVATIONS OF WOMEN’S FRIENDSHIPS

Rich and Pretty by Rumaan Alam

THE BOOK ABOUT CHEFS AND THEIR TATTOOS WITH FASCINATING STORIES OF WHY PEOPLE PERMANENTLY INK THEIR SKIN

Knives and Ink by Isaac Fitzgerald and Wendy MacNaughton

THE BOOK I READ BECAUSE I SAW A PREVIEW FOR THE TV SHOW AND LEARNED IT WAS BASED ON A BOOK SO I STARTED WONDERING IF THE BOOK WAS GOOD

Queen of the South by Arturo Perez-Reverte

SOME VERY GOOD BOOKS YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT BECAUSE THE STORIES ARE WARM AND/OR INTELLIGENT AND/OR STRANGE AND/OR GRIPPING AND/OR INTENSE

Turner House by Angela Flournoy
LaRose by Louise Erdrich
The Wangs vs the World by Jade Chang
The Story of My Teeth by Valerie Luiselli
You Will Know Me by Megan Abbott

THE HEARTBREAKING BOOK ABOUT BEING GAY IN THE MIDDLE EAST DURING THESE TUMULTUOUS TIMES FROM A WRITER WITH A LOT OF POTENTIAL

Guapa by Saleem Haddad

GORGEOUS BOOKS OF POETRY I REALLY LOVED

Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong
L’Heure Bleue by Elisa Gabbert
The New Testament by Jericho Brown
Look by Solmaz Sharif
There Are More Beautiful Things Than Beyoncé by Morgan Parker

THE EXCELLENT BOOK I CHOSE AS MY SELECTION FOR BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUB

The Veins of the Ocean by Patricia Engel

THE BOOK I READ BASICALLY TO IMPRESS A GIRL AND IT WAS A PRETTY GOOD BOOK ALSO AND I HOPE THE GIRL WAS IMPRESSED BY MY DEDICATION BECAUSE THE BOOK WAS VERY LONG

The Fireman by Joe Hill

THE BOOK WITH AN AMAZING TITLE,  SOME REALLY GOOD STORIES INCLUDING A RIFF ON ANTIQUES ROADSHOW AND ALSO SOME STORIES I LIKED LESS

American Housewife by Helen Ellis

THE BOOK THAT WAS EXCEPTIONALLY WRITTEN BUT I WANTED THE ACTUAL RAILROAD PART TO BE MORE FULLY REALIZED

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead

FUN BOOKS THAT WERE FUN

The Assistants by Camille Perri
China Rich Girlfriend by Kevin Kwan

THE BOOK ABOUT BEING SINGLE TOWARD THE MIDDLE OF YOUR LIFE THAT PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE IS GOING TO LOVE WHEN IT COMES OUT

All Grown Up by Jami Attenberg

THE EXCELLENT SHORT STORY COLLECTIONS COMING OUT AROUND THE SAME TIME AS DIFFICULT WOMEN THAT MADE ME JEALOUS AND ALSO SCARED OF THE COMPETITION

Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh
Always Happy Hour by Mary Miller

THE BOOK THAT WAS NOT MY CUP OF TEA BUT IT’S ME NOT THE BOOK

300 Arguments by Sarah Manguso

THE BOOKS I BLURBED (AND THEREFORE REALLY ENJOYED)

You’re the  Most Beautiful Thing That Happened by Arisa White
In the Not Quite Dark by Dana Johnson
I Almost Forgot About You by Terry McMillan
The Red Car by Marcy Dermansky
Feminist Baby by Loryn Brantz
Lower Ed: The Troubling Rise of For-Profit Colleges in the New Economy by Tressie McMillan Cottom
Bruja by Wendy C. Ortiz
Sing For Your Life by Daniel Bergner
Made for Love by Alissa Nutting

CRAIG: …Clyde, why are there people asking about last week still?

TWEEK: How do they know what happened?!

CLYDE: Ah yes, that.

CLYDE: Well you see,

CLYDE: They kept asking and I didn’t have anything else to answer, and you know I am very dedicated to this blog, and…

CLYDE: And at the time, that time being last night after you got my ass grounded, I thought it might be a good revenge plan against you and Tweek.

CLYDE: But it wasn’t! I didn’t do it to make you guys mad. I just thought maybe

CLYDE: Like…

CLYDE: Maybe it might be a cool story to tell people?

CLYDE:

CLYDE: Don’t get mad.

CRAIG: Dude, I told you like a billion times not to tell people about that! You don’t even know what was going on, you probably made half of it up!

CLYDE: No, no no don’t worry! I only told what happened up to a point!

CRAIG: The fact that you said anything at all is already bad, dude!

CLYDE: Why are you so mad about it? I never even understood why! You just got so mad over the subject, when it was really all just super funny!

CRAIG: That’s why!

CRAIG: I don’t need to be the laughing stock of the entire school, okay? Neither does Tweek!

CLYDE: No, it’s okay!

CRAIG: How is it okay?

CLYDE: I didn’t even mention that whole butt sex speech or anything! I promise! I knew that was the part you were mad about the most.

ERIC: Hey guys, I couldn’t help but notice you were screaming about butt sex and about what happened last week. 

ERIC: I can’t believe you’re still angry about that, Craig.

CRAIG: I’m angry because you’re a douchebag!

ERIC: Whoa, relax man! It’s over and done with. You really need to learn to control your anger, it’s becoming a real problem nowadays.

CRAIG: You’re one to talk, you bipolar drum of lard.

ERIC: 

ERIC: You see? I let that one pass right by me. None of your words can hurt me because I’m just a really chill guy.

WENDY: Eric.

ERIC: What.

WENDY: Please, move your ass out of my seat. You’re crushing my notebooks.

ERIC: This is a free country Wendy! Last time I checked I can sit wherever I want!

WENDY: Yes, but I don’t want to be in the middle of whatever… this is.

ERIC: Ugh, fine.

ERIC: Tweek move over.

TWEEK: Oh god.

ERIC: Wow Tweek you’re such a fat pig, I can barely fit into this seat with you here.

ERIC: …There we are.

ERIC: Okay, so anyways, aside from Clyde screaming about butt sex, I’ve also been hearing you guys mumble about a blog?

ERIC: As you may know, I’m super well known and stuff on the internet, so I’m surprised I haven’t heard of your guys’ blog.

ERIC: Or, is it just not popular enough?

ERIC: Because, you see, small little internet factions tend to go unnoticed by people of my stature.

CLYDE: Oh, do you want the blog name or something–

CRAIG: Clyde.

CLYDE: What.

CRAIG: With the stuff you’ve been putting up, I don’t think it’s a very good idea to share that with him. With anybody we know.

CLYDE: But Eric said he’s popular on the internet, maybe he can–

CRAIG: No. He’s not. He’s lying.

ERIC: Huh. Quick to jump to such insane accusations today, aren’t we Craig?

ERIC: And Clyde, what makes you think I’d just grant you the power of my internet fame all willy nilly like that? Fame comes with a price, my dear friend. And that price is no less than one hundred dollars.

ERIC: That’s just my starting price.

CRAIG: We don’t care that you have three whole followers on twitter, Cartman.

ERIC: Oh yeah? And just how many followers do YOU have?

CLYDE: I think the only people who follow Craig on twitter are all of us.

ERIC: I meant your blog, dumbass.

CLYDE: Oh, uh…

CLYDE: I don’t know?

ERIC: Hahaha, wow, how long have you had this blog? You don’t even know how to check your follower count! What a dumbass, right Tweek?

TWEEK: N…no?

CLYDE: I made it yesterday afternoon.

ERIC: Jesus Christ, Clyde. 

ERIC: And just what kind of stuff are you putting on the blog?

CLYDE: Mostly stuff about… well.

CLYDE: You probably don’t want to know.

CLYDE: But I made a post about tacos earlier, and that was pretty great.

ERIC: Why wouldn’t I want to know?

CRAIG: It’s none of your business.

ERIC: Are you guys hiding something from me?

TWEEK: So what if we are! You’re hiding stuff from us!

ERIC: Hey hey hey! I thought we were done talking about last week!

ERIC: You guys think it’s funny to talk shit about me on your blog and then not even show me the blog? How would you like it if I–

KYLE: What are you doing, Cartman! You’re supposed to be making sure nobody’s following us!

ERIC: I am, Kyle, lay off.

KYLE: No, you’re sitting here talking doing jack shit while Stan’s trying to make sure those guys back there stop chasing us!

ERIC: Kyle, you have to get those hairs up your ass taken care of. They’re making you super irritable.

ERIC: And besides, they haven’t been chasing us for like, fifteen minutes now.

ERIC: I kept an eye out for like thirty minutes and then their car hit a pothole in the road and they ran straight into a tree. It was fucking hilarious. Didn’t you hear me laughing earlier?

KYLE: No, I’ve been busy helping Stan and Kenny!

ERIC: With what? They have this handled. You’re the one doing nothing here. We’ve been driving into the middle of nowhere for like forty five minutes and all you’ve done is look out the front window.

KYLE: Why didn’t you tell us that they stopped chasing us!

ERIC: I wanted time to pass to make sure they weren’t gonna follow us on foot, stupid!

ERIC: Did you expect me to tell you right when they crashed so we could stop a hundred feet away from them?

ERIC: Do you want everybody in this bus to be brutally murdered or something? What is wrong with you.

KYLE: Nothing, I just–

ERIC: No, no, you don’t need to say it.

ERIC: As soon as we get back to town, we’ll have a doctor remove those hairs from up your ass. They’re clearly causing some sort of mind rage or something.

ERIC: Until then, just try to keep your anger under control, okay?

KYLE: I’M NOT PISSED OFF BECAUSE THERE ARE HAIRS UP MY ASS, CARTMAN. I’M PISSED OFF BECAUSE WE’RE LOST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOUNTAINS DRIVING A STOLEN BUS!

ERIC: Ahah! But you didn’t deny that you do have hairs up your ass! I know deep down you want us to help you, Kyle! Don’t let the hairs take control of your body! You have to fight!

KYLE: GOD DAMMIT THERE AREN’T ANY HAIRS UP MY ASS!

KYLE: We’re stopping the bus! Come on!

ERIC: Ugh, fine.

CLYDE: Do you understand anything that’s going on right now?

TWEEK: I understand that Eric’s ass smells like dusty cheetos.

CRAIG: Yeah you gotta stay away from that.

CLYDE: Does this mean that we can finally get off the bus?

CRAIG: Hopefully.

CLYDE: Finally.

CRAIG: Oh yeah, also I’m not letting you go about sharing that shit on the blog.

CRAIG: As soon as I get the chance, I’m gonna whoop your ass. I hope you know this.

CLYDE: I know what I signed up for. But the people wanted answers. I finally delivered them.

CRAIG: [sigh]

CRAIG: If you weren’t my best friend I’d hate you so much right now.

CLYDE: I understand.

4

wendy and courtney as gems an excuse to crank that good ol’ height difference up to the max and make wendy a Literal Giant Treewoman

another commission for @princephobos1st

commission info is here

WENDY: Are you crazy? We’re not going in there!

ERIC: What are you talking about? It looks safe enough.

ERIC: Would you rather sit out here in the cold instead? No? That’s what I thought. 

ERIC: Come on, it’s not getting any warmer out here.

WENDY: You never bothered to tell us why you decided to make us walk to a house you saw way in the distance when we could have just stayed in the bus and waited for help!

ERIC: Ugh, because Wendy, for all we know those guys with the guns could have followed us all the way here! We have to shake them off of our trail!

RED: Why are there guys after you guys in the first place! You didn’t ever tell us that, either!

NICHOLE: Yeah, why’d you have to drag us into this?

ERIC: Look, we can explain inside, alright?

WENDY: No, I’m not taking another step until you tell us what’s going on! You’ve taken us this far and I’m not going to go any further until we get answers!

CLYDE: YEAH, THE PEOPLE DEMAND ANSWERS!

ERIC: Okay seriously, walking a few steps into an old ass house to get out of the cold won’t hurt you.

WENDY: Do you even know where we came from?

RED: Hey, yeah, you didn’t lose track of the bus, did you?

ERIC: Oh my God. Of course I kept track of the bus! What do you think I am, stupid?

WENDY: That’s exactly what I think, actually.

ERIC: We’ll just follow our footsteps back to the bus no problem! But for now, we’re going inside.

WENDY: You are such an idiot.

ERIC: How am I such an idiot, Wendy? For saving all of your asses?

WENDY: You see how much it’s snowing, right? We can’t “follow our footprints” if they’re covered up in snow!

ERIC: Fine, if you want to go and find the bus yourself, be my guest.

ERIC: I don’t know why you suddenly have such a huge boner for a school bus, but I won’t let that stop you.

ERIC: Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m trying to get everybody else out of the snow.

WENDY: No, you’re just trying to stall from telling everybody what’s going on…

CLYDE: I don’t know how much more I can take of this, it’s getting kind of ridiculous.

CRAIG: At this point, I’d just roll with it. There’s nothing else we can do except stay quiet and wait until it’s all over with.

CLYDE: Do you think we should call the police or something?

CRAIG: And tell them that we’re just up in the mountains somewhere?

CRAIG: Honestly, I think Stan’s group will find a way out of this faster than a search team will.

CLYDE: Man, I’m really not getting how you’re able to stay so not-caring-y when this stuff happens.

CRAIG: There comes a point in your life where you just don’t have the effort to care anymore, dude.

CRAIG: Come on, let’s go.

2

WENDY: Like- we’ve been fine, sure, but continuously getting our shells handed to us can only get so exciting, y’know? Mr. Bowser hasn’t given us any new assignments so its been kinda dull (not that I’m complaining), but whatever- could be better!!

Finders Keepers

Stanley Pines hadn’t really planned on kids, but then, they managed to find him anyway.

A little Father’s Day tribute (a day late, whoops) to not just a great dad uncle, but the greatest uncle!


Soon I’ll be sixty years old, will I think the world is cold
Or will I have a lot of children who can warm me?

-Lukas Graham, Seven Years


Stan Pines always figured he would have kids someday. Sometime after his “ew, girls are icky” phase and the following “okay, girls ain’t so bad,” yet before the “well shit, you know what, guys are A-ok in my book, too.”

Having kids seemed the thing to do when you grew up. What usually happened, Filbrick would grumble, whether you planned for them or not.

Stan didn’t necessarily believe that to be the case; regardless, eventually having a rugrat or two was what he wanted, expectations be damned. Babysitting his nephew had given him an appreciative stance on kids. Just the way a baby looked at you, like you were sun and lit up the whole world with your presence alone, that was staggering to Stan, unlike anything he had ever felt.

Not wanting kids was fine, too, as Stan pointed out when Ford expressed his disinterest in spawning any of his own. As always, the brothers were more different than alike, identical or no. Stan pondered if that was the way it went with all siblings.

(“Fatherhood would simply be a major distraction to my research. In moderation, children can be fun company, of course; but they’re also messy, loud, disruptive, and desire a lot of attention.”

“Geez, Sixer, sound like yer describin’ me,” Stan snorted.

“Exactly my point.”

Stan scoffed, socking his smirking brother in the arm. “Shuddup, nerd. Keep talkin’ like that and Uncle Ford won’t be invited to my mansion for Thanksgiving.”

“Mansion?”

Keep reading

WENDY: Okay Eric. Everybody is inside and freezing to death. Is this what you wanted?

WENDY: Explain.

ERIC: Okay, okay, calm your tits! Jeez.

ERIC: So BASICALLY, we had to hijack the bus because the men with the guns were actually after us and they were sent to kill us because we– as a whole, not my fault, Stan– forgot–

STAN: Hey, no, no. YOU didn’t pay them because YOU thought you could get away with it and now WE’RE–

ERIC: Okay, Stan, I don’t recall either me or Wendy asking for comments from the guy who got us lost in the mountains. So shut your mouth.

ERIC: So, anyways…

ERIC: WE ALL forgot to pay our cut to our dealer, (who kind of looks like Danny DeVito, don’t ask why) and the PLAN was to not even go to school today to cut them off of our tracks for a little while but Hairy Ass Kyle over there thought we’d all be fine and said if his parents found out he ditched school again he’d get grounded, and so that’s why we’re all lost in the heights of the Colorado Rockies. Because Kyle has hair up his ass.

WENDY:

ERIC:

STAN:

WENDY: WHAT?

ERIC: What?

WENDY: What do you MEAN what?

ERIC: You said what first!

WENDY: Ugh. Okay, first of all– a DEALER? What is wrong with you guys!

ERIC: I told you–

WENDY: And second of all, why did WE all have to get involved in this?

ERIC: Calm down! We’re safe, alright? That one guy got ran over so there should only be about… three… four…….

ERIC: Like seven left.

WENDY: WHY ARE YOU SO OKAY WITH ANY AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WITH GUNS CHASING AFTER US?!

ERIC: Oh please, don’t flatter yourself Wendy. You guys have nothing to do with this.

WENDY: We kind of do now!

STAN: Wendy, it’s gonna be okay. Just stay calm. We’re trying to figure a way to get all of us back to town. 

WENDY: I don’t want to talk to you, Stan!

STAN: What? Why not!

WENDY: This has gone too far! I know you guys are always getting into your dumb shenanigans and plots, but there is a fine line between ridiculous, and outright insane!

STAN: Look, we can forget this ever happened once it’s over. Like I said, we’re trying–

WENDY: You can forget WE ever happened once this is over, Stan.

STAN: Wait, Wendy–

WENDY: No, I’ve had it with this!

ERIC: Ooohohohoooo~~ Stan’s in trouble~

WENDY: Knock it off, Cartman.

CLYDE: Wow, they’re really having at it, huh.

CRAIG: Yeah.

CLYDE: I think Stan and Wendy are breaking up again.

CRAIG: Hahaha, you think?

CLYDE: I don’t understand why they keep getting back together. They break up every other month.

CRAIG: It’s because Stan is dumb and Wendy’s dated him for so long she doesn’t know what she’s supposed to do after they break up.

CLYDE: I guess so, huh…

CLYDE: Well, let’s go hang out with everybody else.