Laurent: You should be nicer to me. Nicaise: Oh, and why that ? Laurent: Because I might become your stepdad and I will disable internet every evening at 7 pm. Nicaise: And how will you use internet if you disable it ? Laurent: I don’t need internet when I’m riding your dad’s dick. Nicaise:
Me: I have a fear of losing myself to the point I won’t even be present enough to be able to respond to treatment by my next appointment.
Therapist: Oh no feeling like that is a common symptom! it’s pretty much irrational so don’t worry about it! :).
Me: Oh thank goodness! I'll try not to think about it too much then :).
~the time of appointment arrives ~
Therapist: your dissociation appears to of become so severe that we don’t know how to treat you, you are so deeply removed that we know your brain won't respond to any type of therapy or modern treatment plans we have.
okay so i was having thoughts this morning about how i believe that obi-wan was probably t h e best master for anakin under the circumstances (and a few others) and how as much as i hate predestination, if you accept anakin as (one of?) the chosen one(s), then he is fated to bring about the fall of the Jedi - cos you can’t have balance when the lightside outnumbers the darkside by as much as it does. and i started thinking about how what if the universes where obi-wan is his master greatly delays him fucking off to the darkside and bringing about the end of the Order? well, he was all of 23 when that happened, which means in other universes, where obi-wan is not his master, he probably abandons the order much younger than that.
okay, so - an au where.
an au where qui-gon lives. despite reasons why it probably wouldn’t happen, he becomes anakin’s master, obi-wan fucks off to do Knight Things and Grow As His Own Person. anakin has his canonical crisis of faith and great realization that being a jedi is difficult and not actually all that he thought it was going to be. he fucks off from the order - say around the age of fifteen?
qui-gon, despite everything, goes off to hunt him. despite this “betrayal”. after all, anakin is the chosen one, right? so he even goes so far as to call in obi-wan to help him find anakin. meanwhile, anakin is employing every last trick in the book to remain out of reach. he won’t go back - he won’t. he can do more good out there in the galaxy, instead of tied down by the (hostile, tbh) jedi order.
it just so happens that obi-wan finds him. rather than try to arrest him or anything (leaving the order is not a ‘take into custody’ offense, as obi-wan well knows) and actually talks to anakin about the reasons why he’s fucked off. he finds the reasons understandable. besides, becoming a jedi is not being conscripted. anakin has the right to leave if he feels like it. obi-wan tells him that it’s fucking dangerous for a half-trained force sensitive out there in the wild galaxy, but when anakin doesn’t change his mind (because he’s hella stubborn tbh) obi-wan is just like “welp” and lets him go. he tells qui-gon he never found anakin, but that it’s really unreasonable to hunt the kid down for fucking off. it’s another thing that qui-gon and obi-wan don’t see eye-to-eye with.
so that’s that, right? they’ll never see the chosen one again.
but wait, there’s more. So of course the Sith find anakin. he must bring balance to the force. Dooku and Sidious play bad cop/good cop until anakin is firmly under Sidious’ thumb. (presumably, Qui-gon would have found nine hundred different ways to keep anakin away from palpatine, who might even have been the one to plant the idea of running off into anakin’s head on the few times when he was allowed to speak with the kid). anakin goes corrupt, as you do when siths are fucking with your head, and the story proceeds.
here it is, the fall of the jedi order, and order 66.
ymmv what happens to qui-gon. does he live through even this? or is he shot down protecting obi-wan? in either case, obi-wan survives as he tends to, trying to regroup with the rest of the surviving Jedi. of course, you have this wretched sith lord, Darth Vader, hunting them all down. his skill with a blade is unparalleled. no jedi who has faced him has survived.
when he finds them, obi-wan stays back, sacrificing himself to save the others. and yet, to his surprise, darth vader does not kill him. darth vader himself does not understand entirely why, only that once when he was very young, a jedi heard him out and let him go.
he does not let obi-wan go, but neither does his blade fall.
I want to thank all the wonderful Tumblr-folk I tagged in this for contributing to one of the best reads I’ve had in a while. I would also like to apologize to those whose contributions I might have missed.
I wonder if, in superhero universes, the villains ever get contacted by
those “Make a Wish Foundation” and similar people.
I mean, the heroes do. Of course they do. Kids who want to meet
Spiderman or Superman or get to be carried by the Flash as he runs through
Central City for just thirty seconds.
But surely there are also the kids, who - because they are kids and
sometimes kids are just weird - decide that what they really, really want is to
meet a supervillain. Because he’s scary or she’s awesome or that freeze ray is
just really, really cool, you know?
The heroes would be so weirded out by it. The villains with codes of
ethics would totally band together to force the villains without one (should
they be the one requested) to do their part for the cause.
But imagine the person who has to track down the villains and organize
Like, the first time it happens, no one actually thinks it’s possible,
but one of the newbies volunteers to at least try. They get lucky, the kid
wants to meet one of the villains who is well known to have a personal code of
ethics (eg one of the rogues), and it takes them weeks to track the villain
down to this one bar they’ve been seen at a few times, plus a week of staking
out said bar, but they finally find them.
So they approach the villain, very politely introduce themselves and
explain the situation, finishing with an assurance that, should the villain
agree, no law enforcement or heroes will be informed of the meeting.
The villain, assuming it’s a joke, laughs in their face.
At this point, the poor volunteer, who has giving up weeks of their
time and no small amount of effort to track down this villain, all so a sweet
little girl can meet the person who somehow inspired them, well, at this point
the employee sees red.
They explode, yelling at this villain about the little girl who, for
some unknown reason, absolutely loved them, had a hand-made stuffed toy of them
and was inspired by their struggle to keeping fighting her own and wasn’t the
villain supposed to have ethics? The entire bar is witness to this big bad
villain getting scolded by some bookish nobody a foot shorter than them.
When the volunteer is done, the villain calmly knocks back their drink,
grips the volunteers shoulder and drags them outside. The bar’s patrons assume
that person will never be seen again, the volunteer included. But once they’re
outside, the villain apologizes for their assumption, asks for the kid’s
details so they can drop by in the near future, not saying when for obvious
reasons. They also give the very relieved volunteer a phone number to call if
someone asks for them again.
A week later, the little girl’s room is covered in villain merchandise,
several expensive and clearly stolen gifts and she is happily clutching a stack
of signed Polaroids of her and the villain.
The next time a kid asks to meet a villain, guess who gets that
Turns out, the first villain was quite touched by the experience of
meeting their little fan, and word has gotten around. The second villain
happily agrees when they realize it’s the same volunteer who asked the other
guy. Unfortunately, one of the heroes sees the villain entering the kid’s
hospital and obviously assumes the worst. They rush in, ready to drag the
villain out, but the volunteer stands in their way. The hero spends five
minutes getting scolded for trying to stop the villain from actually doing a
good thing and almost ruining the kid’s wish. The volunteer gets a reputation
among villains as someone who can not only be trusted with personal contact
numbers but who will do everything they can to keep law enforcement away during
The volunteer has a phonebook written in cypher of all the villain’s
phone numbers, with asterixes next to the ones to call if any other villains
give them trouble.
Around the office, they gain the unofficial job title of The Villain
The heroes are genuinely flabbergasted by The Villain Wrangler. At
first, some of the heroes try to reason with them.
Heroes: “Can’t you, just, give us their contact details? They’ll never
even have to know it was you.”
The Villain Wrangler: “Yeah sure, <rollseyes> because all these
evil geniuses could never possibly figure out that it’s me who happens to be
the common thread in the sudden mass arrests. Look man, even if it wouldn’t get
me killed, it would disappoint the kids. You wouldn’t want to disappoint the
kids would you?”
Heroes: “… no~ but…”
The Villain Wrangler: “Exactly.”
Eventually, one of the anti-hero types gets frustrated, and decides to
take a stand. They kidnap the Villain Wrangler and demand that they give up the
contents of the little black book of Villains, or suffer the consequences. It’s
For the Greater Good, the anti-hero insists as they tie the Villain Wrangler to
The Villain Wrangler: “You complete idiot, put me back before someone
figures out that I’m missing.”
Anti-hero: “…excuse me?”
The Villain Wrangler: “Ugh, do I have to spell this out for you? Do you
actually want your secret base to be wiped off the map? With us in it?
Sugarsticks, how long has it been? If they get suspicious, they check in, and
then if I miss a check-in, they tend to come barging into wherever I am just to
prove that they can, even if they figure out that they’re not being threatened
by proxy. Suffice to say, Auntie Muriel really regretted throwing my phone into
the pool when she strenuously objected to me answering it during family time.
If they think for even one moment that I’ve given them up, they won’t hesitate
to obliterate both of us from their potential misery. You do know some of the
people in my book have like missiles and djinni and elemental forces at their
Anti-hero: “Wait, what? I thought they trusted you?!”
The Villain Wrangler: “Trust is such a strong word!”
Anti-hero: “Wait, wha-” <slumps over, dart sticking out of neck>
The Villain Wrangler: “Thanks. I thought they were going to hurt me.”
Villain: “You did well. You kept them distracted, and gave us time to
follow your signal.” <cuts Villain Wrangler free>
The Villain Wrangler: <rubbing circulation back into limbs> “Yeah
well, you know me; I do whatever I have to. So I’ll see you Wednesday at four
at St Martha’s? I’ve got an 8yo burns unit patient recovering from her latest
batch of skin grafts who could really use a pep talk.”
Villain: “… of course. Yes… I… yes.”
The Villain Wrangler: “I just think you could really reach her, you
Villain: <unconsciously runs fingers over mask> “I… yes, but,
what should I say?”
The Villain Wrangler: “Whatever advice you think you could have used
the most just after.”
Villain: <hoists Anti-hero over shoulder almost absently>
The Villain Wrangler wasn’t lying to the Anti-hero. They know that the
more ruthless villains would not hesitate if they thought for one second that
the Anti-hero would betray them.
But this is not the first time the Villain Wrangler has gone to extreme
lengths to protect their identities.
Trust is a strong word. The Villain Wrangler earned it, and is
terrified by what it could mean.
My first official Deadpool headcanon is this. This this this.
Okay but this whole concept actually makes a lot of sense, because
villains are a lot more likely to be disfigured/disabled/use adaptive devices
(bc ableist tropes), so of course, say, a child amputee is going to be more
interested in the villain with a robot arm who almost destroyed New York than
the heroes that took him down.
Also, imagine one of the kids gets better, and a few years down the
line becomes a villain themselves, except their crimes are things like
smuggling chemo drugs across the border for families that can’t afford
treatment, or stealing from corrupt businessmen to make donations to
underfunded hospitals (idk this turned into a Leverage AU or something) and
every time the heroes encounter her, they’re like “oh no. she’s getting away. Curses.
Welp, nothing we can do.” Though it isn’t that she can’t take them on; bc of
course once the villain from way back when found out what she was up to, he
started helping/training her.
“I thought they just hired someone to dress up and pretend to be you,”
she says, amazed, when he reveals himself. “I didn’t think they actually got
the real you!”
Every year the Villain Wrangler gets a very expensive gift basket from
And for the kids who don’t get better the villains are there too, they
show up to every funeral, they bear too small coffins on their shoulders and
the heroes stand aside
They are fierce with grieving families assuring them that their child
will not be forgotten, and they don’t balk at negative emotions, they don’t
tell people to be strong or “celebrate their child’s life,” because these
parents have every right to their grief and anger
And the lost children are never forgotten. Flowers appear on graves during
birthdays and anniversaries, heroes find pictures of those kids and they
carefully take them down and ensure they’re delivered to the villain’s cell,
and a few villains can be seen with friendship bracelets wrapped around their
wrists the cops have learned not to try and take them off
They are fierce with grieving families assuring them that their child
will not be forgotten, and they don’t balk at negative emotions, they don’t
tell people to be strong or “celebrate their child’s life,” because these
parents have every right to their grief and anger
And then one day, one of the evil geniuses who happens to specialize in
inducing bizarre genetic mutations meets a young fan who was born with a rare
genetic disorder that is slowly killing them, and realizes that they can help.
Another, who created their own exosuit, talks to a young fan and suddenly
understands how much the technology that they have built for themselves could revolutionize
quality of life for people with muscular dystrophy, or paraplegia, or other
disorders that confine people to wheelchairs with little mobility.
A third thinks of a way that their nanobots could be used to detect and
remove cancer cells when their fan, who had been in remission, writes to say
that the doctors have found a new metastasizing tumour.
Then shortly after, an evil genius specializing in cloning is contacted
by an old colleague asking if a suitable heart couldn’t be grown for their
young fan with a congenital heart condition who needs a donor.
Suddenly, a pattern of villains offering (and marketing) their insights
and resources to improve medical science starts to arise. Many who had
previously been operating on society’s fringes are shocked to receive public
accolades, research grants and job offers from major companies because of their
A grassroots movement arises advocating for imprisoned villains with
appropriate qualifications and/or experience to have access to resources to
conduct research for the public good. The Second Chance Rehabilitation Project
(It is an open secret that only people who have been vetted by the
Villain Wrangler are allowed to join, because the Villain Wrangler has by now a
meticulously set up method and intelligence network to run background checks
and character references through ensure that none of the children wishing to
meet their role models get hurt.)
This is all soooo good, but I wonder what effect this has on the
villains. Like, can they really wreak indiscriminate havoc when they know the
kids that worship them might be in the area? Like, what if they attack a shopping
mall and it just so happens that Annie’s mom ran in for a pair of shoes or
something? What then?
So what you’re saying is that there is now an organization of henchmen
who do round the clock, exhaustive research in order to make sure the villain’s
plan isn’t going to ruin the life of some kid. Just imagine some aunt getting a
call from an unlisted number.
“I swear I am not a bill collector ma’am. It’s just. Well. Ok and I
swear I am not a stalker even if this is actually going to be a very creepy
phone call, but you said you were going to the mall at four? Is it possible you
could reschedule or postpone that trip for about an hour? That mall is way too
close to…well. It just wouldn’t be safe. I could wire you some money, and you
could go to the much nicer mall one town over? Would that work for you? No? You
are calling the police? Yes. Yes that is the sensible thing to do. Definitely
do that. You have a nice day, ma’am. Tell Marcus Doctor Evil says hello and to
have a nice day.”
And then the poor minion has to call the villain and explain why
robbing X bank isn’t a good idea that day.
“Yes. Hello. Sir? Oh good I caught you before you left the base. Look,
Marcus Smithson’s aunt is going to be near the blast radius for that job you
have scheduled so-yes. Yes I am aware that rescheduling is going to be a lot of
work since most everything is already set up, but….but, sir think about poor
Marcus! She’s his favorite aunt, and the woman refused to ‘reorder her life
around some crazy mastermind’. ……no…..no, please do not kidnap the aunt, sir.
It’s terribly rude. Yes I realize you weren’t going to keep her or doing
anything other than drop her off at an alternative location, but, well,
citizens frown upon that sort of thing and….yes….Yes, of course. You have a good
day, too, sir.”
And they turn to their coworker and are just like “So if I don’t come
in to work tomorrow it’s because Doctor Evil threw me in his dungeon and/or
sent his hellhounds to maul me. Please remember to send help.
But but but… what happens when one falls through the cracks? When Lord
Dominion or whatever does a typical baddie thing but then Penny’s new best
friend gets caught up in the damage and Lord D didn’t even KNOW Penny had a new
bestie so how was he to know? But now the kid is devastated and it’s all his
fault? I mean, how does that even shake out?
Penny SWEARS REVENGE! Lord D is distraught but also somewhat proud. He
sends Penny a very sincere apology and also a bunch of tips on how to execute a
proper vengeance plot, in case she decides not to accept the apology. He sends
henchmen to spy on her, and he keeps the surveillance photos of her sitting in
her room, plans and schematics strewn all over her desk. He puts them in his
wallet and brags to all his villain friends that one of his kids is taking up
scheming, look at her go, she’s already started on pattern analysis of his
latest heists. He’s so proud. Later this month he’ll show up on her way home
from school so she can have her first Confrontation.
There will inevitably be mistakes and tragedies.
Penny is an intelligent kid. She catches on to the spying henchmen
pretty quick and bribes some of them to her side with snacks. That first
confrontation does not go like Lord Dominion expected because Penny has minions
(minions that are using his OWN WEAPONS against him, even)
Lord Dominion is the proudest villain ever, even if he did almost lose
an ear thanks to the impeccable aim of a nine year old with a grudge. He does
let the laser blast graze him just so he can have a scar to show people because
that girl is a villain after his own heart.
He doesn’t want to ask his villain rivals to help her out because that
would imply he doesn’t think she’s capable of eventually growing strong enough
to kick his ass. Turns out Penny already thought of that and has mailed letters
asking for advice to Lady Sinister, Lord Dominion’s long time, mostly friendly
rival. (She mailed a letter to Lord D’s arch nemesis, but man. Heroes are
always trying to make you do The Right Thing. Penny doesn’t have time for the
high road. Plus, the low road has lasers.)
Lady Sinister thinks Penny is the best thing ever and while she has
mostly stopped kicking Lord D’s ass, she still breaks into his hideout to sit
in his favorite chair with a glass of wine and brags about her new favorite up
and coming villainess. (She doesn’t warn Lord D about the attack rabbits she
agreed to train for Penny as a favor, and for obvious reasons, she is going to
be a bystander at the next confrontation, filming everything on her phone to
post the dark web so all their villain friends can see this)Being able to say
that one is involved with the Project begins to look really good in parole
hearings. The Villains involved perform their own quality checks on one
another, because if one of their kids got hurt, then all of their kids could
potentially lose out, and the ones that are serious about the Project are not
having that. (Also, the ability to collaborate with other geniuses is the most
interesting thing to happen to most of them since losing to various heroes, and
most consider the intellectual stimulation to be worth putting up with the
ridiculous egos and inevitable personality clashes that arise.)
Reformed Villains come out of the woodwork to advocate about better mental
healthcare, and support systems. Savvy universities and private labs quietly
take their advice, setting up better mental health supports and laboratory
safety standards to prevent the Brain Drain caused by losing their less stable
scientists to the Costumes.
The Villain Wrangler watches all of this develop with a smile.
Their plan succeeded beyond their wildest dreams.
I’m so down for these posts that assume the best of people instead of
Okay, this part caught my attention: “…the Villain Wrangler has by now
a meticulously set up method and intelligence network…to ensure that none of
the children…gets hurt.” Which led me to the heartbreaking realization that one
DID. Get hurt, that is, by the villain they idolized.
And all I can think is that the Villain Wrangler didn’t call in the
heroes. They didn’t call in another heart-of-gold villain. No. The VW rolled up
their sleeves and went after this person themselves. This project is their
baby, after all. If they get the accolades for the successes, they must also
shoulder the burden of the failures.
The VW hunts down the villain that crossed the line. Their punishment
is swift and horrifying; no hero would have the stomach to mete out justice in
such a way, and no villain would have the desire to get quite that much blood
on their own hands.
There’s. So. Much. Blood.
The Villain Wrangler never forgets. They increase security, increase
the hours and background checks, they increase the graveside visits to the
child they failed.
I’m seriously just guessing that there are going to be about 2 chapters left. Unless of course I come across some crazy idea that deserves more plot. Haha. I keep things short and simple. Which is why my fics are always slightly more than 1,000 words (low key pulling out my hair because of it hahaha). Anyway, I hope you enjoy.
When the Stars and the Night become one, the truth shall be unveiled.
Stella stared blankly at the woman that now laid claim to be her mother.Her real, biological, mother. She couldn’t dare to comprehend the news that Gentiana announced so nonchalantly.
Stella hadn’t thought much of her real parents. Olivia, her adoptive mother, was her family. She didn’t need to concern herself with the parents that deserted her so long ago. Though, she never held an animosity toward her real parents, she thought harboring such bitter thoughts over people she had never met.
What of discord is working in the shadows, and all the turmoil in the AU is due at least in part to his influence.
Listen, I was gonna type all these different possibilities in response to your suggestion but you just gave me an idea and like… listen, hear me out.
What if he’s some form of royalty too? I’ve never actually had the draconequus as a living race in any of my AUs or my headcanon, so this AU could be a could place to do it. Okay okay so let’s just say the draconequus are an actual existing race in this AU, but like the Alicorns, they are a dying one. There are very few of them left, to the point that their “country” could have a population of a whopping few thousand left living instead of the millions all of the other sapient species have. And they’re slowly dwindling. What’s worse is that this world war, perhaps they are either hunted actively by a few countries in it or something else, but either way their very existence is legitimately threatened by this war if they don’t receive any help.
If this idea comes to fruition then in this AU Discord is probably the de-facto leader of the draconequus now because maybe whatever semblance of government they have left no longer have a figure head, so Discord was placed as leader. Or maybe he was born into it and is the only surviving member of his clan? Regardless he’s leader, and the only way he truly sees his species even having a fighting chance of survival in all of this is if he allies himself with the likes of the Crystal Empire, primarily because they have a similar situation: alicorns dying out. Unlike his situation though, they’re in a far more stable environment thanks to the Sisters and the Crystal Empire as a whole.
But my rambling aside this is the TL;DR:
Discord is the leader of the dying draconequus race and in an attempt to secure his people’s future and to hopefully prevent them from dying out in the world war (in which they are targeted for one reason or another; perhaps they’re seen as scapegoats to the instigating countries), he allies himself with the Crystal Empire and maybe even submits entirely under the rule of the Sisters if they promise they will help his people. Discord in this AU, if this becomes a thing, will be far more serious and not as inclined to focus on his own joy and mischief because his primary goal is to ensure the survival of what little of his people are left. He is every bit the leader his people need him to be, but in the far and few in between times he’s allowed to completely just… relax, we see glimpses of his canon self, where he enjoys a good practical joke and maybe causing a bit of harmless chaos now and again.
In one sentence: It exceeded my expectations. Whew. I think this is a lesson for me than anything else; don’t watch and presume things without subs. Lol.
To the nitty-gritty of why it exceeded my expectations: as a background, I’m not a big fan of push-and-pull in dramas. Like there’s only a certain threshold of it that I can accommodate (side note: there was this extremely popular kdrama that I watched and that while I loved the series as a whole, the first 9 episodes made me want to tear my hair out because of the push-and-pull between the leads–more specifically, by the lead girl who is, by far, the most wishy-washy character I have ever encountered. But that story is for another time. Message me if you want to know that kdrama lol). And so, when the push-and-pull started in this show (around episode 17-18?), I was like ‘Welp, here we go’. In SP, however, I was pleasantly surprised. Here’s why:
1. I understand why BH started it in the first place. She still has feelings for him, sure, but he rejected her, and even complied with the whole distance-thing just as she asked. But when JW suddenly confessed, BH is like “you rejected me, and now you want me?” If I were BH, I’d be angry, too; I won’t make a u-turn and run back to you in a snap.
2. We could actually see BH warming up and becoming more responsive with JW’s affections. Compare the hug in episode 18, for example, with the one in episode 20; in the former, BH is as stiff as a board, while in the latter, she can be seen smiling and even poked fun at him.
3. She made a turn-around in episode 22 notbecause she’s still confused about her feelings or because of petty jealousy (MUCH to my relief), but because of guilt. She just made JW, whose heart and soul bleed prosecution, defend a murderer. And it’s different from their talk back in Episode 19 because this time, BH is sure that stab-guy is the murderer (remember that in Ep. 19, for BH, it was still a what-if, and JW answered with the presumption of innocence and that he now has no reason to suspect stab-guy yadda. Now that she’s sure stab-guy is the murderer, she doesn’t know how to tell JW. Basically, it’s the reverse of the last episode, where JW wanted to keep his and Chief Bang’s investigation of stab-guy a secret from BH because he doesn’t want to hurt her.) Her talk with EH also reveals how much she’s afraid for the safety of everyone around her, most especially JW’s. Although I disagree with her not telling JW of her discovery, still, I understand where she’s coming from.
4. The biggest surprise for me is actually JW, who saw right through the ‘rejection’ of BH and knew that something’s up, and that she’s not telling him what that is. Bravo, show.
So in short, I actually like how they handled this push-and-pull. And I expect more (good) surprises to come from this show. Let me also just go ahead and give props to JW for that 3-second glimpse-to-the-future crying scene, because that scene is superb. You could feel all the raw emotions coming from JW.
-If you serve as executioners to everything… then you execute flies and mosquitoes and stuff like that?
-”The destruction of a Time Lord–” STOP RIGHT THERE, AND DON’T YOU DARE TELL ME THE DOCTOR’S GONNA BE EXECUTED.
-Holy shit the Daleks are actually an impressive race, they killed a ton of those Time Lords that are supposedly so hard to kill
-”I didn’t expect you.” Well then who’d you expect, some other Time Lord who miraculously survived the Time War?
-Ah, gotta love them Daleks with their gossipy mouths, spreading rumors everywhere.
Why is his suit so worn. I’m concerned.
-”They can’t know I’m blind, Missy. no one can know.”
-SO IT WAS MISSY ALL ALONG
-CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL THOSE HUNDREDS, THOUSANDS, MAYBE EVEN HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF THEORISTS OUT THERE WHO GOT IT RIGHT
-”Please, I’ll do anything. Just let me live.” I…
-*phone notification jingle* wut
I DON’T LIKE THIS, I DON’T LIKE THE TITLE OF THAT EMAIL, OR THE COLOR OF THAT EMAIL, OR THE GALLIFREYAN LOADING BAR, OR THE GLITCHY GLITCH EFFECTS
Do all these people have fevers or is the weather just really hot??
-So I’m guessing he uses the shades to aid his vision now?
-Well, as long as he’s not completely in the black I’m fine
-”ve arrrre to com heerre dirrectly frrom the vaticaan”
-what is going on????!?!?!?
-”Pope Benedict. Lovely girl. What a night. I knew she was trouble, but she wove a spell with her castanets.“ wut
-”The Pope doesn’t zoom round the world in the Popemobile, surprising people.“
-I am so confused and worried right now
I was kinda losing focus while reading the transcript of this episode and then BOOM, SUICIDE PICTURE FLASHES, WTF
-”Assume nothing. Assumption makes an ass out of you.”
-”I thought you’d moved out from here? “Yeah, slightly didn’t work out. Second attempt on the way.”
-”I don’t like knowing their names. I only get attached.”
-”Of course not. I have very strict rules about men.“ “Probably not as strict as mine.”
-”Oh, I’m sorry. Here’s me thinking that she dragged some poor, terrified man home.“ Poor lady doesn’t know what’s going on, but talk about getting out of a tight spot.
-My favorite scene in the episode so far omg
-Ah yes, Bill’s house pipes that always go VWOOOORP VWOOOOORP.
-”Well, whatever this is, and actually it’s not anything yet, it is absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.”
Gotta love how them popes come with a pre-installed church organ sound effect
-I only understood one word that sounded like “Doctor”.
“You’re all going to hell.”
-I love Bill omfg
-”Pope Benedict said that you were more in need of confession than any man breathing. But when the offer was made, you replied it would take too much time. On behalf of the Catholic Church, the offer stands. You seem like a man with regret on his mind.“
-Well, that went down in a bad way…
The very fancy scifi watch hidden under the very fancy fantasy-ish robes
The Doctor suspects Darth Sidious is up to something.
-Nope, nevermind, that was Nardole.
-”Warning: I have full permission to kick your arse.”
-”Because I don’t like being worried about. Around me, people should be worried about themselves.“ “Yeah, shall I tell you the real reason?“ "No.“ "Because the moment you tell Bill, it becomes real. And then you might actually have to deal with it.”
-This episode is about as religious as Doctor Who gets, in my opinion.
-We all know who this looks like
-The library of Blasphemy, huh? That’s quite some Hogwarts stuff there.
-”Harry Potter!” THANK YOU BILL!
-"The layout is designed to confuse the uninitiated.” "Sort of like religion, really.” I can confirm this true, for reasons. "You happy in those shades? Not dark enough for you?” “In darkness, we are revealed. Bill: When did he get so emo?
-”Well, take a few more minutes if you like. Knock yourself out. Actually do. Do that. Knock yourself right out.” Pffft
That’s one great big hood you got there. But pray tell, how do you see what’s in front of you?
-”Without hope. Without witness. Without reward.“ What?
-”You’d be wizard at writing Christmas crackers, you two.”
-I thought Christmas crackers were paper sausages with confetti inside them?
Alright, where’s the orange portal?
oHh my GOD
-”I think there’s someone in there.” "Yeah, we are very slightly getting that.”
wHat TEH FUCk
-”Hey, there’s wifi down here!” “Of course there’s wifi. It’s a library.“
-”Reading chair with a safety belt?”
-Apologies if I seem to be taking too many quotes directly from the episode(s), but I just love the Series 10 dialogue okay
-THAT GUY SHOT HIMSELF
-”Because you’re sending us into the dark, after a man with a gun.“ Not as dangerous if said man is dead…
-WEll Nardole got a little weird there
-Bill: *voice cracks* “nARdOLE”
-Nardole: *sees hand* *voice goes up by two octaves* “HIEWIEW”
That’s a pretty gun, but it wouldn’t do much damage in battle.
-”It would be stupid to go and look.” *goes to look*
-DON’T BURN THE DOCTOR’S BRAIN DON’T YOU DARE MOFFAT
-NOW THAT MOFFAT IS ACTUALLY WRITING THE EPISODES, I AM GOING TO BE DOUBLE WARY OF EVERYTHING
-WHAT THE EVERLOVING RASSILON FLIPPING A TABLE ON A HARLEY DAVIDSON?!?!?!
the flipping kind of videogame portal hub is this
Meanwhile, in another part of the world, aliens freak out as a bald head pops outta nowhere from the wall of their living room.
-”Cardinal, it worked. I can see.” Yes!
-”Not well enough, not yet.” Okay…
-”The thing about the universe is, whatever you need, you can always borrow, as long as you pay it back. I just borrowed from my future. I get a few minutes of proper eyesight, but I lose something. Maybe all my future regenerations will be blind. Maybe I won’t regenerate ever again. Maybe I’ll drop dead in twenty minutes.”
-”You know, I’ve read a lot of books that this chair would be quite useful for. Moby Dick. Honestly, shut up, and get to the whale.“ omfg
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS CHILD OF GROOT AND A SILENT
-”This is not a game.” “This is a game.”
-Why is that CERN scientist so excited, and more importantly, why does he seem drunk and why is everyone in the cafeteria so gloomy?
WELL THAT ANSWERS THE LAST QUESTION
Reading a legendary script on Microsoft Word.
-(On an unrelated note, I was saving these screenshots and naming them as each alphabet. The one right above happens to be Z.)
-(Could be some other text program but that’s what I think)
-So the screen was getting blurry not because the BBC didn’t want us to commit suicide but because the Doctor was going blind again
-GEEZ THOSE MONKS ARE CR-REEPY ASSES
-THEY’D DO WELL IN A HORROR GAME
Don’t you dare tell me the whole first half of Series 6 was set in a fake world or virtual reality or something like that
-Were those white things all portals to a virtual world
-At least Bill and Nardole got out safely.
-”Are you okay?” “nOOO - Yes. NooO”
“Could be the Doctor.”
-Let’s hope not
-Let’s really, really hope not.
-”They’re projecting everything.” CALLED IT
-AND THE PEOPLE IN THE HOLOGRAMS REALIZED THEY LIVE IN HOLOGRAMS?!?!
-But what if??
-What if our lives are really just holograms
-(I went on Omegle to get a stranger to think of a random number, but ended up answering questions about English)
-(This one person was asking “what does ‘single out’ mean”)
-”You know, like the holodeck on Star Trek, or a really posh VR without a headset. Through there, those places, that’s basically Grand Theft Auto.”
-More and more references each episode, huh, BBC?
I uh… happened to pause here so…
-”Please don’t let me be right.”
WHAT IN THE NAME OF A RANDOM DALEK
-NARDOLE IS NOT REAL??
-WHAT IF BILL ISN’T REAL??
-WHAT THE EFF??????!??!?!
Why did the blood change color?
-’Total communication blackout at the White House’? hat happened?
-Did all the people in the White House commit suicide and how did the Doctor come here?
-Ah, the portal yes…
-cold fraggling shizzles…..
-”The Veritas tells of an evil demon who wants to conquer the world. But to do it, he needs to learn about it first. So he creates a shadow world, a world for him to practise conquering, full of shadow people who think they’re real.”
-OUR WORLD IS A SIMULATION GAME FOR HIGHER BEINGS, CONFIRMED
The screen ‘popped’ a bit here - it shook a little as if it zoomed slighly in then back out very quickly, accompanied by a tapping sound as if someone had knocked (into) it. Not sure if others saw this too or if it’s something with the site that I’m watching this on.
-Okay, I’m watching the Doctor explain this shit to Bill, and I’m having about as much of a crisis as Bill here
-And then the Super Mario mention though
-Please don’t tell me the past six episodes were holograms
-”A puppet Doctor for you to practice killing.”
-The Doctor Puppet account was worried about that line, yes
-Was that the email he got at the beginning of the episode??
wHOA chill please
At least the last six episodes weren’t all fake.
-Then when did the hologram-reality start?
-”It means I’m a scary, handsome genius from space and I’m telling you no, she’s not out of your league.”
-”I have the feeling that we’re going to be very busy. Call her tonight.“ Aww
-I hope Bill actually gets a girlfriend sometime this season
o i g e t o f f
*insert relatable quote about Monday mornings*
Some fast fingerwork there… NO I DID NOT INTEND TO SOUND LIKE THAT
-The guy is becoming uneasier by the second
-I don’t like the whirring sound??
-How are they gonna move her to the box in the middle of the water
It ends here?!
-Oh yeah right… They’re supposed to be a three-parter. Followed by another three-parter to finish off the season.
-Welp, looking forward to the next episode and possibly a lot more things to freak out over!
She loves dirty talk but has never told Harry. One day Harry asks about one of her kinks and she mentions dirty talk, so Harry dirty talks her and she orgasms so hard.
Welp, here it is! And it’s exactly what was asked for. You’re welcome/I’m sorry!
If there was one thing that you appreciated about Harry it
was the fact that he was open to trying new things. An adventurous sort, he
often would suggest off-the-wall activities for date night that had you staring
at him for a few moments to make sure that he was serious. A zip line or rock
climbing or swimming with dolphins somewhere. Harry didn’t want your
relationship to become stale in terms of activities; he wasn’t against a
typical dinner and a movie night but he wanted you to be able to experience
some cool things that maybe you wouldn’t have, normally. Harry wasn’t one to
typically flaunt his wealth but he had come to the conclusion that you were
worth spending a little extra on every now and again.
Another place that you knew Harry was adventurous was in
bed. When you first started sleeping together he kept it pretty vanilla,
wanting to make sure you were enjoying yourself and trying to figure out what
you liked so he could remember for later dates. But, after a few months, he
started asking you if you could experiment a bit more. Nothing too crazy, but
certain positions that you may not have thought of before, a toy here or there,
maybe tying you up from time to time.
You were perfectly content with your sex life. Harry kept
things interesting and he never disappointed; he certainly kept you satisfied
and you had no complaints. Plus, he would constantly praise your efforts and
tell you how good you felt or how talented you were with your mouth or your
hands, so you knew you were successfully satisfying him as well.
You didn’t even really think about telling him of your own
little fantasies because it didn’t seem necessary. Plus, any time you really
sat down to think about them, you always felt a bit silly. You trusted Harry
with any and all information – even something as personal and private as sexual
fantasies – but the idea of sitting down and actually saying them all to him
made your heart pound.
One night, about six months into your relationship, you and
Harry were lying in bed with your body snuggled in closely against his. His
fingers were running lazy circles over your arms and his lips were continuously
pressed to the top of your head. You were both currently basking in the
afterglow of making love. It hadn’t been anything too fancy or extreme tonight;
both of you had been a bit sleepy and a bit lazy, so Harry had simply rolled on
top of you and slowly thrust while his head was buried in your neck.
Predictions: OH PLEASE, LIKE WE DON’T HAVE THIS MOVIE BASICALLY MEMORIZED. I MEAN, IT’S SUCH A WEIRD PREMISE, BUT THE EXECUTION IS DELIGHTFUL. DELIGHTFUL, WE SAY!!!!!!!!
Plot: Tiny Jennifer Garner is a 13-year-old who loves reading fashion magazines and, as a result, wishes she were 30. (Weird, because, in our experience, people rarely specifically wish they were 30, but okay.) Her best friend is Tiny Mark Ruffalo, who is very sweet and not cool, but she wishes it were Tiny Judy Greer, who is aggressively cool and not at all sweet. Anyway, it’s Tiny Jennifer Garner’s 13th birthday party, and Tiny Mark Ruffalo gives her a beautiful homemade dollhouse – seriously, wtf, it’s amazing – but all Tiny Jennifer Garner wants instead is to be cool. Sigh. After an unfortunate Seven Minutes in Heaven prank, care of the charming Tiny Judy Greer, Tiny Jennifer Garner locks herself in the closet and desperately wishes to be 30.
SOMEHOW, THIS WORKS??????????
Jennifer Garner wakes up one morning, no longer tiny, and finds herself leading an extremely glamorous 30-year-old life. Way better than most 30-year-olds, we’re pretty sure. She’s now an editor at her favorite fashion magazine, she’s dating a New York Ranger, and she…owns? rents?? a massive Manhattan apartment in what is clearly a really fancy building. And she’s best friends, apparently, with also-no-longer-tiny Judy Greer, who also works as an editor at the same magazine. Totally confused, Jennifer Garner tries to get ahold of her parents, but they are away on a cruise (gasp! Without her??).
Out of sheer desperation, her next move is to track down Mark Ruffalo, now a photographer living in the Village. He is…startled to see her, as they have not been friends for many years, and yet not nearly as startled as you’d think he would be. He eventually takes pity on her, this seeming weird amnesiac, and catches her up with the aid of their high-school yearbook. Why aren’t we friends anymore?? she asks hysterically, and he’s like, well, because you ditched me, nbd. And she’s like, HEY what if this limo-filled life isn’t a dream?? and he’s like, welp, crazy person, if you really got everything you ever wished for, you might as well enjoy it. So Jennifer Garner does! For a while. But, soon enough, it becomes clear that a) the magazine is in trouble and b) her adult self is a terrible person, leading a truly reprehensible life. Sabotaging everyone she knows, sleeping with other people’s husbands…you get the idea.
Nonetheless, Jennifer Garner adapts shockingly quickly to her grown-up life, her bizarre quirkiness and seventh-grade education working out surprisingly well at work. She quits doing things like sleeping with other people’s husbands, becomes friends with her assistant and with the neighboring actual!13-year-old (SUPER WEIRD), and hires Mark Ruffalo to take some pictures for a magazine redesign. Obviously, within like a week and a half, they are each super into the other, and they eventually share a kiss. HOWEVER, Mark Ruffalo actually has a fiancée – although he and Jennifer Garner seem to be constantly forgetting about her, and she conveniently spends most of her time in Chicago, allowing him to freely work late with Jennifer Garner, gallivanting about town, eating Razzles, and making out under swing sets.
But of course, their quasi-illicit happiness cannot last. One day, Mark Ruffalo stops by to probably talk to Jennifer Garner about his feelings, and instead he runs into Judy Greer, who is just as evil as she was at 13, and she both snakes his photographs to destroy the magazine and implies that Jennifer Garner is still with the New York Ranger. Which really shouldn’t be a problem for you, Mark Ruffalo, since you are ENGAGED. :|
Anyway, he leaves sadly, and later Jennifer Garner returns and is alarmed to discover what Judy Greer has done. She takes an extremely expensive cab to pursue him to his parents’ house in New Jersey (next door to her parents’ house in New Jersey), where he is soon to be married in their backyard. She confesses her love, but he’s like, hey dude, sorry, I have to marry the person who’s been in my life more than two weeks. Which is the appropriate response, to his credit, though he shouldn’t have been gallivanting in the first place. It’s good you’ve come to your senses, Mark Ruffalo. But he has the dollhouse still, and he allows her to take it with her. She sits down on her parents’ stoop and weeps away her regrets, wishing she had not made such a huge mistake as to abandon her friendship with him when they were 13. “Oh, Mark Ruffalo,” she sobs. “If only I had known you would grow up to be so hot, I never would have thrown your love and this dollhouse masterpiece back in your face.”
~*~ZOMG MORE MAGIC~*~
Due to some magical pixie dust with an awesome shelf life + Jennifer Garner’s sincere regret, suddenly she is 13 again, in that closet. She bursts out of it and kisses Tiny Mark Ruffalo, fulfilling all his 13-year-old fantasies (ummmm, the chaste ones), and then they run upstairs and lo! It is the future again???? and they are getting married and buying a pink house. What does Jennifer Garner do for a living, in this alternate universe?? Unclear. The end.
Best Scene: Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo are both hugely charming in this movie, and they share a really lovely, believable chemistry. So any scene where they’re together, but probably especially their falling-in-love montage, in which they take all those gorgeous seasonal photos for the magazine, and then are hanging out and, oops, kissing (shhhh, it’s fine, his fiancée’s in Chicago????), and the whole thing is set to Liz Phair’s “Why Can’t I?” So wonderful. So 2004.
Worst Scene: Um, obviously when Jennifer Garner’s co-worker’s sleazy husband shows up at her office, and he is neither pleasant nor attractive, and you’re like, WHY HAS SHE BEEN BANGING HIM???? Even in her previous, superficial life, it seems…confusing. She’s pretty hot. She could do better, if she’s really looking to cheat on the New York Ranger.
Best Line: “Beaver? You lost all your baby fat! How does the Beav stay warm in the winter?” – Judy Greer to Mark Ruffalo, referencing his unfortunate middle-school nickname. Poor Mark Ruffalo, but boy, is this a funny line.
Worst Line: “I – I have felt things these past few weeks that I didn’t know I could feel anymore.” – Mark Ruffalo, minutes before his would-be wedding, being just a shade too much. The rest of this rejecting-Jennifer-Garner’s-love-confession speech is okay, but this one sentence is dreadful. Also, seriously, man, get it together; you are getting married to ANOTHER PERSON, who is, like, probably downstairs and could come in at any moment.
Highlights of the Watching Experience: Trying to apply logic to this delightful but very weird film. Why doesn’t Judy Greer take Jennifer Garner, who is behaving EXTREMELY strangely, to the hospital for a possible concussion?? Why do Jennifer Garner’s teen neighbor’s parents just allow her and all her friends to have what appears to be a sleepover with this adult lady?? How exactly does this whole wishing-dust situation work???? So many questions.
How Many POC in the Film: There are actually a whole bunch of black people around at the magazine and parties and stuff, but nobody important, of course.
Alternate Scenes: This movie is pretty much perfect as it is. However, we are also extremely interested in the movie of the alternate timeline in which Jennifer Garner and Mark Ruffalo date as teenagers, then probably break up, then get back together. That movie would also be really up our street.
Was the Poster Better or Worse than the Film: Worse. The poster is fine – not that any poster could ever really describe the ludicrous premise of this film – but the movie is a joy. It surprises us every time we watch it what a joy it still is.
Score: 8.5 out of 10 time-traveling smooches. This movie is funny, we buy both the romance and the obstacles, and Jennifer Garner has a REALLY good reason for being “not like other girls.”
Ranking: 5, out of the 73 movies we’ve seen so far. Very high on the list, as it should be. Though not as high as we would think Jennifer Garner was, if she were our friend and suddenly started behaving like a time-traveling 13-year-old.
Do the cats keep track of their age? I always felt like age became less of a thing after a cat became an apprentice in the canon series
Most do, but they lose track of it between five and eight years of age. It’s when they’re feeling real old and can count three groups of three winters that they think “welp, time to become an elder”.
Ages are the one place where they pay attention to numbers they’ve poorly defined. They understand six moons as “two seasons”, but to actually say “six” would be difficult for them. 5-8 is a number all by itself.
Uf/ut sans or us/sf pap's s/o is a human lawyer who becomes merciful for frisk/chara. At the end of the failed genocide run, believing in the kid's innocence, their s/o becomes kid's defense lawyer and hopes to win the court battle against the underground's "judge". Welp. (Dunno how this will go but i think it'll be hella amusing)
Ooooh okay this will be interesting.
Sadly, this is the thing that breaks you two up. He doesn’t care that you’re defending the kid that nearly killed everyone, he’s mad because you’re not taking his side. You’re his S/O! You’re supposed to always be on his side!
Because of the case, homelife isn’t great for either of either. Instead of keeping work stuff at work, he brings the arguments home and it escalated because at home he doesn’t have to keep his civil restraint. There are screaming matches, things thrown, and overall, your relationship becomes toxic.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but in this case, your opinion is wrong,so Sans lets you be. He’s angry that you’re not on his side and you’re actually defending the kid? The person that nearly killed him, Papyrus, and all of his friends? He tries to keep it civil and not let his work life affect his personal life, but it’s getting hard. If this is what you stand up for, he can’t trust you.
After thinking about it for some time, Sans decides that he can’t be with you anymore. He can’t be in love with someone who defends a murderer. Sans understands, and wouldn’t have broken up with you, if you were just doing your job, but you actually believe the shit you’re spewing out and he doesn’t want to be with someone like that.
Pretty much the same reaction as Classic. At home, he bans all talk about the case, and things are actually okay for a while, until one day, you’re all hanging out with Blue and his friends and Stretch just stops.
All of this? His brother’s smile, the blue skies, the glittering stars, it almost didn’t happen. Sure the kid brought them to the surface, but with a snap of their fingers, they can reset and kill them all again, and yet, you’re defending that? Are those really your morals? Sorry, but he can’t be with someone like that.
Rus is in complete denial that this is happening. Sure, he’ll be professional in the courts and put up a pretty convincing case, but at home, strictly no work talk. At all. But still, he respects your opinion and believes it’s valid, but it hurts that you’re against him on this.
Rus won’t break up with you over the case, but until everything is settled and the case is finished, things are tense around him. He loves you, but just doesn’t understand why you would defend the kid like that. When it’s all finished, he just wants to put this behind him.
unpopular opinion: i hate how much people buy into mnet's "papa daniel" thing when woojin is probably as close to daniel as he is to youngmin and donghyun :///
!!!! i agree
yeah, their interactions were very cute at first, but i’m slowly getting tired of seeing daniel’s face pop up on screen whenever woojin does something, especially during his performances. it’s becoming too predictable and idk if mnet just genuinely likes them or are trying to make people like daniel more so they can vote for him (connections?). woojin is closer to other trainees, but mnet doesn’t seem to accept it for some reason? tbh i really dont know, but i might be wrong!
Wow, translating this is taking much longer than I ever thought it could. Welp, I gotta get it done somehow. I’ll star some things and put the notes for them at the bottom. Lastly, I am not a pro translator or anything so it may not be perfect so if you know of an error please let me know so I can correct it.
– I love you so much
You are the one I want to eat.
If I do that and become one with that body,
This thirst, this pain…
Will it be healed?
The closer I get
It gets father away.
You seem like a hot desert
like a vague vision.
~Present day outside~
Yui: – I came where I was told… but as I thought… It’s rumored to be a haunted house…
Yui: Everyone I asked for directions reacted the same way… There’s no mistake, is there?
Yui: (My relatives lived in such a place? Really?)
Yui: ( Ha… Although, I don’t think my father would get this wrong.)
Yui: (Anyways, I have no choice but to check…)
Yui: … Excuse me!
Yui: Excuse me!
Yui: (No one’s answering… Ah… What should I do? There really is no one, not even a light.)
Yui: (That’s right. Because here… is the famous “haunted house,” in the neighborhood.)
Yui: ( I heard that ghosts come out in the house where someone with connections to the church is supposed to live. .)
Yui: (This has to be a mistake, right?)
Yui: Ehh!? … You were summoned to an overseas church? And you’re already leaving tomorrow…
Father: Don’t speak so loudly, Yui. Calm down.
Yui: Calm down… If you’re suddenly told this, wouldn’t everyone react this way?
Yui: A new job overseas… Where is it?
Father: Well. That’s … It seems to be in Eastern Europe.
Yui: Eastern Europe!? You mean the east of Europe!?
Father: Yes. Because when i was younger, I’ve been there before.
Father: All of a sudden , there came an official request.
Yui: But … What will happen to this church?
Father: It will soon be passed to my successor. Don’t worry about that part.
Father: And… If anything happens, you’ll be in Japan too.
Yui: … Eh?
Father: Yui … Listen. I… plan to go alone.
Father: Yui… I can’t afford to take you
Yui: Such a thing…! Saying you’d go alone… I want to come with you…
Father: You can’t!
Yui: Ah!? Father?
Father: I’m sorry …… living away from you …… is very painful.
Father: … But … This is only … for your sake. Please understand.
Yui: Ah …… leaving your only daughter alone in Japan is for my sake?
Yui: (Father really looks like he’s in pain …… Never the less, why can’t we go together?)
Yui: …Can’t you refuse? The request.
Father: I’ve thought about that many times. But … It’s a job only I can do.
Yui: A job … only you can do?
Father: Guh …
Father: …… A-anyway. I made arrangements so you won’t have any problems.
Father: I leave tomorrow night. Pack your bags by then, and rely on the person at this address.
Yui: … Who … lives there?
Father: I’ve never mentioned them because we’re estranged, but it’s the house of a distant relative
Father: Since he also has ties to the church, he already knows the circumstances.
Father: He isn’t the kind of person who’d do anything bad to you …
Father: Think of him as a replacement for me, and its okay to rely on him.
Yui: …… I understand……
Yui:(So it really is a “haunted house”…)
Yui: Ha… As expected, I should have followed my dad by force.
Yui: (But, at that time … He had such an angry look, it was like for some reason, he didn’t want me to come along.)
Yui: ( I wonder why he objected so much…)
Yui: ( and that work only father can do, what’s that?)
Yui: (Father … is just a normal priest … If I had to say what he’s good at, it’d be gardening and such.)
Yui: (Just now … This door opened by itself?)
Yui: Kh … No way, right…
Yui: – Excuse me! Is anyone home?
Yui: … I’m Komori’s daughter! I think my father explained it, but… I’m coming in, okay?
Yui: (Although I cam in … It doesn’t feel like anyone is here.)
Yui: (but the door opened, so that means someone has to be here!! R-right……!)
Yui: Kh… I-I’m coming in okay?
Yui: (Uh …… Although, I am scared …… I can’t not go in.)
Yui:(……There really is no one here …… That’s strange. If so, who opened the door?)
Yui: …… I guess after all…… The memo my father wrote was wrong.
Yui: (I should call him……. but, I don’t want to worry him too much……)
Yui: (But, I won’t get anywhere like this… Um… cell phone… cellphone… Eh?)
Yui: (Just now…… With the lightning. I saw the figure of a person!)
Yui: U-um… E-excuse me?
Yui: (Is he sleeping? E-even so…… this person……)
Yui: Hello? Do you live here?
Yui: Hello? Are you alright……?
Yui:(Ah……!? I touched his skin for a moment but …… It was so cold?)
Yui: Huh? He… isn’t breathing……!! He’s dead!!
Yui: Ah… Ugh!!
Yui: (What is this……! My heart suddenly hurts……!!)
Yui: (What happened…!)
???: “–Where are you? Where… Where are you?”
Yui:Ah… Someone’s voice… came into my head……)
Yui: Ha…ha…kh… Anyway… I have to call… An ambulance.
Yui: (My health is strange too, but… I have to do something for this person first.)
Yui: –H-hello? I’d like to call for an ambulance. Umm… There is a dead person here.
Yui: Eh? The address… Um… I’m at…
???: … Noisy…
Yui: (H-he grabbed… my ankle…!?)
???: Ahh…? What’s wrong with you… Yelling and making so much noise in someone else’s home.
Yui: (Just a moment ago… his heart had stopped… Why!?)
???: What … A woman. What are you doing in a place like this? Hah?
Yui: Y-you… You… Until now…
???: What until now? I was sleeping peacefully in my own house…. You got a problem with that?
Yui: S-sleeping? B-but… Clearly, before…
Yui: (His heart, had stopped right?)
???: Clearly before, what?
Yui:(Wha…!? H-he pushed me down!?)
???: You’re lik a moth that flew into the light, huh? I was just getting hungry.
???: A feast right when I wake up, huh… hahaha.
Yui: L-let go!! All of a sudden.. What is this!?
???: That’s my line. You’re the one who suddenly came in my home.
Yui: T-that’s true, but… but, I was…
Yui: Kh…!! S…Stop!!
???: You’re lively food. Stop struggling… I told you… Quiet down a bit.
Yui:(T-this person… He’s weird! Suddenly, like this……)
Yui:Kh…… Don’t touch me!!
???: Kh…!? W-what was that just now!?
???: What is it, being so bothersome. I’d like you to be more quiet after waking up. Ayato.
Ayato: Kh…… Reiji……
Reiji: What’s the matter. Being so mentally absent.
Yui: (Kh… I have to get away now……!!)
Ayato:…… Kh! Hey!!
Yui: H-help me please……!!
Reiji: Huh?…… And you are?
Yui: I-I’m…… I’m Yui Komori. From today, I’ll be living here……
Reiji: Eh? Living here? What is the meaning of this,Ayato?
Ayato: Kh…… No idea! Hey, Pancake chest! You didn’t say anything about that before.
Yui: T-That’s… You suddenly attacked me… And calling me pancake chest…!
Ayato: Stupid. You don’t have anything there anyway, pan-cake-chest!
Yui: (W-what’s going on!? What does this mean?)
Ayato: Anyway, Reiji. Have you heard anything about that?
Reiji: No, I haven’t heard anything.
Yui: S-so after all… there really was a mistake. Umm… Who are you?
Reiji: I am Reiji. Sakamaki Reiji
Yui: (That’s good. It seems like you can talk with this person unlike Ayato.)
???: There’s a cute human girl here?
Yui: (T-this person appeared suddenly!?)
???: Hahaha … Hello, and nice to meet you, Bitch-chan…
Yui: (He licked me…!!!)
Reiji: Laito. Don’t you think your actions are a bit rude for a woman you just met?
Laito: Ha, Reiji is as strict as ever. Isn’t it okay though? I’m just tasting this delicious girl?
Ayato: Damn it, I’ll kill you bastard. Putting your spit on Pancakes before me.
Laito: Hahahaha. You have to put your saliva on delicious things right? Otherwise, your uncivilized brothers will eat it up.
Laito: Right, Kanato-kun?
Kanato: -Please let me lick you too. You can’t move okay?
Kanato: ……Right. Sweet… She’s a rarely delicious person from the dirty human species, isn’t she?
Yui: (Kh… A-again, someone….. appeared suddenly… just what… is this?)
Yui: (That, and… I was licked again……!)
Kanato: Hey, why is someone like this here?
Laito: Isn’t she tonight’s side dish?
Ayato: Idiot. What are you talking about, “side dish”? She’s mine.
Ayato: Because *yours truly was the first to find her, you know. Hahaha.
Reiji: –But, you failed to eat her.
Ayato: Fuck you Reiji!! Don’t say useless things!!
???: Ha… Annoying.
Yui: (There came a voice…… from nowhere?)
Ayato: Ahh? Hey, that voice is that Subaru guy isn’t it? Come out!
Yui: (Kh……!? This time, there’s definetly no mistake…… I thought it was just me but……)
Yui: (This person… He just came from nowhere!)
Subaru: No wonder I thought I smelled a human…… It’s your fault isn’t it?
Subaru: Thanks to you my precious sleeping time was shortened. What’s going on anyway?
Yui: S-saying… such a thing!
Yui: (Wht should I do……! These people, are somewhat off……!?)
Subaru: Hey, how about you say something. Haah!?
Laito: Wooo! My little brother is as hot blooded as always. Hahaha.
Subaru: Shut up, you year-round **slut! I don’t think of you as an older brother, you know.
Kanato: So annoying. If you don’t stop talking about useless things I’ll cut you to pieces, you know?
Subaru: Ha. Can you even do that? With that statue? Pipsqueak!
Kanato: Kh… Teddy. Look. It seems like that guys is going to be our next trophy.
Reiji: Haah, geez. Could you please be more reasonable? Even a civilized person like myself will get angry at this rate.
Reiji: Cook or bake this person as you’d like… Is what I’d like to say, but.
Reiji: I can’t tolerate my badly behaved little brothers fighting for you here.
Reiji: First off, please tell me the reason why you list your way to this place.
Yui: Th-that’s…. As I said… Kh…
Yui: (What should I do… I’m scared!)
Ayato: What is it, pancake? Are you shaking?
Laito: Ha, You really are cute, aren’t you. I want to eat you right now.
Kanato: Ha. Your teeth are chattering. You’re really scared of us aren’t you?
Yui: I-Isn’t that obvious? B-being in this scary place! And…
Yui: And, you guys…… I don’t understand it at all.
Ayato: What aren’t you understanding? We’re really easy to understand aren’t we?
Laito: Well, not as easy to understand as Ayato-kun thought, right?
Reiji: Hey, please do not interupt. We aren’t getting anywhere at all. Behave your selevs, or I really will get angry.
Reiji: You there. If you’re only scared we can’t talk can we? Quickly explain your situation.
Reiji:That is unless you want to get hit by my whip?
* Yours truly - in the original the word is Ore-sama which is a glorified narcissistic way of referring to one’s self. Sometimes i still use ‘I’ but when it fits Yours truly is the closest phrase
** (Year Round) Slut - In the original, it literally means year round mating season…. And it was clear that Subaru was trying to insult Laito and slut seems to make more sense than calling someone a mating season.
Welp, here we go! I think this is what Aphmau and Aaron will be like when they become friends…
This is one of my favourite poses, and I’ve wanted to draw it for a while! It was kinda hard, but I drew a one similar before hand, so it was a tad easier.
I think my blog has so much Aarmau, that my friends at school don’t question it when I draw shippy things at school.
ENFJ: Like, of all the ridiculous things I’ve made into a fucking Types As post, this is surprisingly the least outrageous in terms of possibility for you guys… like i mean….. yeahhh immortality is kind of….not real…..but like, have you seen the amount of water ENFJs drink on a daily basis? It’s like…. statistically likely that ENFJs have caused literally every drought known to man. More power to them, though. They’re probably already fuckin immortal
ENFP: Lol I know /exactly/ why you guys would want to be immortal, like imagine how many times you can change your personal philosophy in three weeks…..now imagine that for eternity,,,it’s just like a never ending daisy chain, as more buds are added, the old wilt and disintegrate into the mossy earth– feeding the soil from which they initially came. Forever and ever adding on into infinity. I’m talking quite literally here. I’m saying that if ENFPs were given eternity, they’d spend their idle time building really fucking long daisy chains.
ESFJ: fuuuck literally every ESFJ i’ve seen seems to still be dealing with the bellowing aftershocks of the fucking Big Bang, like I tried to google how hot Stellar Nucleosynthesis is, but this is a shitpost so i’m just gonna tell you that it’s pretty fucking intense – and like That, on top of Yesterday’s Double Texting Nightmare is like??????? K so you know stepping on a lego? Multiply by the fucking sun. just let them r e s t damn it
ESFP: idek if they’d want immortality, like it might just kind of fucking destroy their will to do shit but like??? ESFPs would age so gracefully, like…. they’d still be getting carded at bars and like they’d be 405…like, i mean, it’d be a bit of a hassle for them but like, then again? Kinda never gonna die? like
‘’how old are you?’’
INFJ: Like Edward Cullen Teen Vampire Disaster ™, immortal INFJs are probably sulky, have been 17 for way too long, and drink deer blood for fun
unlike Edward Cullen Teen Vampire Disaster ™,
i got nothing
INFP: ‘’’’’’’’’‘’Wait….’’ *author spins wheel* ‘’ Fallout Three Linkin Park Days Grace Boys isn’t gonna be here in 4000 years???????
ISFJ: of all of the ISFJs i’ve met 10/10 of them strike me as having been on the titanic at some point in their lives so like?????? coincidence???? i think not. Also, (if you happen to know an ISFJ) (i have several pressing questions about Leo Dicaprio and I’d be very happy to have a primary resource if u get what i mean) (I want to sell his hair on eBay) (help a guy out here)
ISFP: I’m not even gonna lie, ISFPs are a fucking mystery to me, but I respect them. I feel the same way about a lot of things, particularly Life and also corn chips….so like Life = neverending life = immortality + cornchips = double immortality, so like True?
Look, I’m like 67% sure i already made a post about ISFPs climbing inside of deer carcasses (which is what i was thinking of now) and Not Even I Could Stoop So Low as to repeat my own jokes so i’m just going to be completely honest here and say that i did not plan this out ahead of time
and if that’s not the spirit of a 6000 year old ISFP then i don’t know what is
ENTJ: okay…….me and ENTJs……
It will be a very quick engagement and wedding ceremony, we’ll only invite maybe a few close friends and relatives (very secretive). The police will find me in my private jet 3 days after the funeral, drinking scotch and staring blankly into the horizon – just a few miles off of my private island. ‘’He was an old man…. his heart was failing,’’ I’ll sob into my silk smoking jacket, ‘’it was only a matter of time….’’
immortality would fucking ruin this for me
ENTP: k so i feel like if I, personally, ever got to be immortal, it’d be that fucking immortality that has like this catch where ‘’you’ll live forever…..as long as you’re not killed’’ and i’ll be like ‘’well fuck, that rules out all of the enemies i was planning on making now that there was no consequences’’ and then i’d have to live my careful (boring) life as full as i could make it without accidentally dying and then bam
i’d step on a poisonous jellyfish
but it’d be in some weird way like i’d be walking down the street in chicago or something and smack in the middle of the sidewalk: jellyfish
and like, i wouldn’t even be mad tbh
ESTJ: Read the ESFJ description from this post (i linked to it here) multiply THAT by the sun. Divide by 3.
Tbh they’d probably enjoy their time as long as people BACKED OFF, MAN
ESTP: tbh i feel like immortality would kind of undermine an ESTPs entire life motto at first, like…..their time isn’t limited anymore….they no longer have to absorb as much input from every situation ever….they’d probably be reduced to like an emo mess for like the first 3000 years, but then they’d probably develop their Se-Ni so well that they like transcend the physical plane and exist everywhere and nowhere at once, and it’d be horrifying….and then they’d become this badass traveling conman with like mystical powers and everyone kind of thinks their like….some mythological figure but in reality, they’re just immortal and bored.
INTJ: I feel like they’d just be generally pissed about it? Like??? This isn’t what they asked for when they said they wanted a sustainable future??? This is too much, it’s like the industrial size bag of Lucky Charms cereal, put it back
INTP: Okay, like on a scale from one to ten they’d be like 8/10 as an immortal like…..yeahhh they’d be pretty chill for most of the time, yeahh they’d probably find things to do with their time…..but like…..when are they gonna hang out with their mortal friends????? probably never??? text me back man
ISTJ: Like, 2nd most likely type to become immortal (first being ENFJs) cuz like…..i’m pretty sure you can leave a pack of ISTJs alone on a deserted island and come back, and they’d be sitting there…no one will have killed and eaten anyone…..they’d just be chilling, surviving…??? like??? what the fuck kind of person kills and eats another human being like lol? calm down hannibal lecter
ISTP: welp, looks like another millenia of staring into the abyss, my friends.