well... she floats on water

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to believe in.

“it’s not like i’m lonely.”

“i know,” jason said.

“because i’m definitely not.”

“i know,” jason said.

“it’s just that these people are all so…so empty. you know? like i feel like they barely even exist. their skin is just atoms reflecting light, if you actually tried to touch them, you’d just go right through. they’re all surface. everyone here.”

“i know,” jason said.

“you always know.”

“i know,” jason said.

after three trains, two buses, & one massive headache, she stumbled back into her apartment. dropping all that she carried, she felt her way to the bathroom, flipped on the light, & nearly had a heart attack.


“i’m sorry,” cindy said.

she took a moment to catch her breath. “it’s fine, i just wish you wouldn’t stand right behind me in the mirror like that. do you have any idea what that’s like for me?”

“i’m sorry,” cindy said.

“no, no, don’t be. i shouldn’t be getting mad at you. i’m just in a bad mood. today was…well, it was awful. again. i don’t think anybody there appreciates me, or understands me, or feels any sort of sympathy for anything at all, really. i can always hear them talking, criticizing everything, reducing people to what they wear or where they eat lunch. it’s like they don’t feel anything at all.”

“i’m sorry,” cindy said.

“it’s alright. that’s not your fault. what i really need is a drink.”

cindy smiled.

“can i get you anything to drink?” the waitress asked.

“yeah, i guess can we get a couple coffees?”

“is there someone else coming?” the waitress asked.

“nope, just us.”

“right…alright, well i’ll grab you a couple waters then,” & she floated away.

“i think the problem is that nobody likes to talk about ideas. all anybody listens to is bullshit. they just care about what they’re told to care about by people who want them to be quiet & stupid. & nobody wants to reach & nobody wants to think & so nobody talks about ideas. so i’ve got no one to talk to. except you, of course.”

“i know,” jason said.

“like, look around this place. i bet half of these people are checking twitter, trying to find some vapid & pointless thing that kim kardashian said to get pissed off about. & the other half are checking instragram, trying to decide if they should like their own picture so they can trick themselves into feeling more self-important.”

“i know,” jason said.

“at least video games, there’s some engagement. you’re actively doing something, rather than just being passively projected onto. there’s skill & effort & life involved.”

“i know,” jason said.

he stood up. “fuck this place. let’s go do something.”

“see, this is what i’m talking about,” she said, holding up the magazine between sips of a cheap strawberry-sugar-alcohol. “look at what kim kardashian said. it’s emotionless. & that’s fine, she’s allowed to say whatever she wants, but this is where the women at work are getting their sense of right & wrong. they have some false sense of entitlement from being on the inside & so they shun everything that’s on the outside, & it makes them completely emotionless. no one feels anymore. except you, of course.”

“i’m sorry,” cindy said & she took a shot.

“i know you are, but you’re not a part of the problem,” she said, & she took a shot.

“i’m sorry,” cindy said.

“god, stop saying that! sometimes when i talk to you, it honestly feels like you’re not even there. like i’m just talking to myself. or worse, like i’m just talking to a mirror,” & she took a shot.

“i’m sorry,” cindy said, & she took a shot.

“it’s whatever. let’s go do something.”

& cindy said nothing, she just left.

“i guess i just feel sometimes like maybe i’m the one that’s not here. like i’m the part that’s fake,  & they’re all real, & that’s why they can see each other but they can’t see me,” & he took an enormous swing.

“i know,” jason said.

“i know that you know! say something that means something, don’t just repeat yourself like that! god, it’s like you’re my fucking echo,” & a swing & a miss.

& jason said nothing, he just left.

she followed cindy to the end of the trail & beyond.

“cindy, don’t be like this. you don’t have to be so dramatic! don’t run into that—” she yelled, but it was too late.

“i’m sorry,” cindy said.

he followed jason across the entire field & beyond.

“jason, turn around. quit being ridiculous, i can barely see you anymore! you’re not going to be able to—” he shouted, but it was too late.

“i know,” jason said.

he sent himself flying off the dock & didn’t even have time to look down.

she crashed into the water & it knocked the air out of her lungs.

as he came up for air, he left what he carried beneath the surface.

as she came up for air, they collided.

they frantically scrambled to find what they were looking for,

but all they could find was each other.

“i’m sorry,” she said.

“i know,” he said.