well who understands that shit anyways

I was thinking about this post about the good girl/bad boy trope, and the type of dudes I prefer to bad boys:

  • Big dude who looks like he could fold you like a pretzel, who people avoid because…well, pretzels, but is actually a gentle giant
  • Big, gruff, taciturn dude who doesn’t want to let people in (but can’t seem to help collecting strays and friends anyway)
  • Reformed Bad boy who has already grown up and out of his ~bad boy phase, but has to deal with constant suspicion and distrust due to his reputation
  • Dudes who have done morally questionable shit to protect or help people and are okay with being alone as long as the people he loves are happy
  • Dudes who have somehow acquired a bad boy rep and don’t understand how, but okay, he’s finally stopped fighting it
  • Dudes who aren’t entirely sure how to express their emotions and who show their affection in potentially weird and untraditional ways, but they’re learning, okay?

anonymous asked:

Hey, it's a new follower here👋🏼 I was wondering if you could do one where you've been best friends with Tyler and Josh for a long time and they're aware that your family is abusive (physically) towards you, and they try to convince you to get help. Then one day they somehow witness what happened and they call for help for you and they're really nice and just a lot of FLUFF please. I love your writing❤️

thank you for following me! && here you go! trigger warning, abuse, physical violence. 

JOSH DUN ONE SHOT

You looked dreadfully in the mirror, coating your arm in concealer.  The bruise was so prominent, you doubted that it could ever be completely covered.  You let out a sigh, shedding your body of the t-shirt you had originally chosen and grabbing a long-sleeve shirt instead.  You’d be hot, but at least there’d be no questions asked.  

You thought about bailing.  Multiple times, actually.  You even typed out a long and elaborate message to Tyler, littered with excuses as to why you couldn’t attend his party.  But you ended up deleting the entire thing.  You had to go.  

You checked your clock anxiously.  Josh would be here soon.  You didn’t like to keep people waiting, so you grabbed your purse then exited your bedroom.  You’d just hang out outside until he arrived.  

The house was eerily quiet.  You made your way down the hallway, peaking around corners and anxiously awaiting to be called out for leaving.  But when you approached the living room you saw your dad, passed out with a bottle of liquor next to him on the couch.  He wouldn’t be waking up anytime soon.  

You sigh in relief before quietly opening the front door and walking outside.

The air is hot, you wished you didn’t have to cover yourself.  You hope Tyler’s house is cooler.

Josh’s car pulls up right on time.  Bless that boy for always being so punctual.  He smiles and waves to you before you see him start clearing off the front seat.  Envelopes and magazines fly towards the back.  You chuckle, approaching the car and opening the door.

“Hey good lookin!” he says excitedly, tossing one last water bottle in the backseat.  

“Hey,” you say back, throwing him your biggest smile.  

Within minutes of being around Josh, you forget all about your dad.  

Tyler’s party has already begun by the time the two of you arrive.  

“I thought he said a few people?” you say, staring up at the house.  It was lit up, with cars already parked all over the driveway and lawn.  Josh barely found a spot to squeeze into.

“Yeah, well-“ Josh starts, “you know Tyler..”

He was right.  

You cringed, but immediately pushed the negative thoughts into the back of your mind.  You were actually going to try and enjoy yourself for once tonight.

Tyler is opening the door with a smile plastered over his face before you and Josh could even knock.  He pulls you into a hug before moving on to Josh.  

“How’s it going, guys?” he asks.

“We’re good,” Josh says, poking his head inside to marvel at the amount of people.

“Small get-together, yeah?” he asks, cradling a paper bag full of chips.  “I don’t think I brought enough.”

“Well, I invited some friends and then they asked if they could invite some friends, and well- you know how it goes.”

Josh nods his head, acting like he totally understands.  You chuckle under your breath.

“Well, come on anyway,” Tyler says, ushering you inside.  

You don’t know anyone.  And by that you mean literally no one is familiar.  You’re thankful that Josh was such a good friend, because he stuck close all night.  You two were also about the only people not shit faced drunk.  

“For someone who doesn’t drink,” you say, “Tyler sure knows how to get people drunk.”

Josh nods in agreement, filling up another plate of nachos.  

The party was too chaotic for you.  Too many bodies bumping into bodies.  

“I feel like I’m at a frat party again,” Josh says loudly, trying to out-sound the music.

“Again?” you repeat, a smirk on your face, “I didn’t pin you as the fratboy type.”

Josh shakes his head, laughing, “I went through a really weird phase in college,” he says.

“Wanna go outside?” you finally ask him, the noise and people just becoming too much.

Josh agrees quickly, grabbing an extra soda for you.  You turn around, heading towards the doors when you collide with a tall figure.  Instantly, you feel your shirt become wet.

“Shit-“ you murmur, looking down at the stain covering you, liquid dripping to the floor.  

The drunk guy staggered, looking awfully confused.

“‘m sorry-“ he mutters, almost incoherently.

“It’s fine,” you say, gritting your teeth.  

Tyler finds you then, skipping over and stopping dead in his tracks.  “Oh man,” he says, taking in the sight of you.  “Come on then,” he says, grabbing your hand.

“Where-“ you start.

“I’ll give you one of my shirts,” he answers before you could even finish.

Tyler drags you upstairs and into his bedroom.  The door was locked, probably in an attempt to keep any and all horny couples out.  

He goes to his closet, pulling out a sports t-shirt and throwing it to you.  

“I’ll wait out here,” he says before shutting the door.

You peel off your soaked shirt, marveling at how much of it that guy managed to cover, before pulling Tyler’s over your head.  You throw your hair into a quick bun before reopening the door.

Tyler’s leaned against the wall, sending a message on his phone.  Upon your entrance, he looks up, locking his screen and freezing.

You give him a puzzled look, wondering what on earth he was staring at before your heart clenches.  You realize Tyler’s shirt was short sleeved.  

You immediately cross your arms, trying to cover up as much as you could.  But there was no denying the deep purple hand prints covering various parts of your skin.

“I thought he stopped-“ Tyler said quietly.  

Your throat suddenly feels dry.

“He did,” you lie, “for the most part, it was just one bad night was all.”

“He did all of that in one night?” Tyler asks suspiciously.  Then he’s shaking his head and turning on his heels back down the stairs.  

You feel frozen in place, unable to move.  You feel embarrassed and vulnerable.  You snap out of your trance and start following Tyler, but only make it to about halfway down the stairs when he reappears, only this time with Josh at his side.  

Josh’s eyes grow wide when he sees you and you want nothing more than to disappear on the spot.  But instead you stay still, your hand still grasping the railing.

“Y/N,” Josh says gently, as he takes one step at a time towards you.  “What is this?” he asks once he’s on the step below you.  

You shake your head, you can’t deal with any of this right now.

“Hey,” he says softly, and he moves his hand so that it’s almost touching yours on the railing.  You yank back, anxiety rushing through you.

The boys knew that your dad used to hit you when you were younger.  They handled it about as well as you’d expect fifteen and sixteen year olds would.  But you finally convinced them that he’d stopped.  Seeing them worry and hearing them constantly pressure you to tell someone was torture.  It would never stop.  But you had no where else to go.  

“It’s okay,” Josh says calmly.  He doesn’t try to touch you again.

“It was just one time,” you say, trying to convince him.  

He nods softly.  You know he doesn’t believe you.  

“I swear,“ you add.  

“Okay,” he says, nodding his head.  

You start to get that familiar choking feeling that you knew so well.  Like a lump was stuck in your throat.  When you tried to breathe, a sob came out instead and you collapsed on the stairs, tucking your knees into your chest, and resting your forehead there.  

Josh was beside you in an instant, wrapping his arm around you delicately and muttering soothing words.  Tyler rushed up the steps too, sitting on the step below and lightly touching your leg with his hand.  

You were too overwhelmed with all of it.  You just wanted to go home.  You needed to be away from all of this.

“You can stay at my place you know?” Tyler said, so genuine.

The idea of mooching off from hard-working, Tyler made you cringe.  

“I’m serious,” he says when you don’t answer.  “Y/N, I would love it if you were here everyday.”

You start to shake your head, lifting your head up and wiping down your eyes.  You couldn’t live with Tyler.  As amazing as that sounded on the outside, you imagined it.  You already made your dad so mad by living at home, you didn’t want Tyler to see you like that too.  You could handle the wrath of your father, you deserved it.  But you couldn’t handle Tyler hating you.  You just couldn’t

“I just want to go home,” you say with a shaky voice.

“Y/N-“ Josh interjects, “I can’t bring you back there.  Not if he’s hurting you, I just can’t do that.”

You shake your head violently, panic starting to flood through your entire being.

“No,” you say harshly, “it was just one time, I made him mad, it was a one time thing.”

Josh bites his lip, looking at you through his soft, brown eyes.

“I can’t,” he says sympathetically.

You stare back, anger and anxiety and dread surfacing.

You stand up unexpectedly, grasping the railing for support and stepping over Tyler.  

“Whatever,” you say harshly, running down the rest of the steps.

You make a beeline for the door, feeling so confused, but knowing one thing: you had to get out of this house.

The air was a lot cooler once you bustled through Tyler’s front door.  You made your way to the sidewalk and started running home.  You had traveled this route a million times since you were a kid.  It was a mile or so, nothing you couldn’t handle.

Your pulse pounded heavily in your eardrum as you sprinted home.  You didn’t even hear Tyler and Josh calling after you.

You were hot and gasping for air by the time you turned the corner to your house.  You stopped dead in your tracks when you saw the kitchen light on.  Your dad must have woken up.  Your chest tightens.  Maybe he fell back asleep, you say, trying to convince yourself to gather up enough courage to go inside.  Finally, you tuck your hair behind your ears and slowly walk up towards your porch.

“Where were you?” a slurred voice asks.

You whip your neck in the direction of your dad’s voice, looking at the corner of the deck.  He’s perched in an old plastic chair with a bottle of beer in his hand.  You bite your lip and try to remain calm.

“Tyler’s,” you say, completely honest.

“That his shirt?” he asks casually, pointing the mouth of the bottle towards you.

You nod slowly, unsure of what he was getting at.

“Left your clothes behind then?  Why were you taking your clothes off in the first place?” he asks.  Then he stands up harshly, kicking the chair back, making you jump.  “No daughter of mine,” he says, his voice growing louder and louder, “is going to be slutting around the town.”  As soon as he spits the words at you, he raises his hand, swinging it towards you so fast that you couldn’t even react.  The back of his hand collides with your cheek, causing your entire face to whip to the side.  His ring must have struck you.  You taste blood.  

Your hand finds the spot and you hold it, fear running through you.

“You embarrass me,” he says,  “You know that?”

“I’m sorry-“ you manage to choke out.  

Apparently he wasn’t looking for an apology.  

He grabs you by the collar and throws you against the house.  Your neck snapped back, you head smashing into the wall.  

“Did I raise a slut?” he asks.  You cringe, the alcohol melted off his breath like poison.

“Well?” he asks, shaking you for a response.  

You shake your head quickly.

“Now, don’t fucking lie to me,” he spits, raising his hand again, slapping you harder than before.  You felt so helpless, your hands stuck to your sides.  

“Hey!” Your dad spins on his feet quickly, searching for the outside voice.  You open your eyes enough to see a figure standing by a running car.  Josh.  

“S’cuse me,” your dad says, his whole demeanor changing.  He was still menacing though.  “I’m having a conversation with my daughter.”

“Y/N,” it was Tyler’s voice, he walked out from the passenger’s side of the car.  “Come here,” he says.

Your dad’s fist tightens around your shirt.  You were too scared to move anyway.  

“You stay fucking put,” he orders.

You nod.

“If you gentleman would excuse us,” your dad slurs.

Tyler pulls his phone out then.

“I’m dialing 911,” he says quietly, almost to himself.  But loud enough for you to hear.  Loud enough for your dad to hear.

You feel your dad’s hand release from your collar and toss you to the side.  You stumble, almost falling to the ground.

“Get the fuck out,” he orders you.  

You stare up at him, desperation in your eyes.  

No, no, no.

What were you supposed to do?

“Get,” he says, his voice low and cold, “the fuck out.”

With that he steps into the house, letting the screen door slam shut.  You hear him lock the deadbolt.  You fall to the ground then, barely breaking the fall with your hands and stare straight ahead.  

Josh was the first to rush up to you.  He skips up all three steps to the porch and is immediately kneeling down in front of you.

“Y/N,” he says, “hey, look at me.”

He holds your chin up with his fingers, gently, examining your beaten face.  You can already feel your lip starting to swell.  

Tyler hovers towards the stairs, grasping the railing and waiting for you to have any sort of reaction.  

“What do I do now?” you ask, almost helplessly.

Josh stands up then, moving behind you and helping you to your feet.  Your legs feel shaky, but he supports the majority of your weight as you stumble down the stairs.  

Tyler cups the side of your face, and brings his face close to yours, kissing your forehead gently.  Your chest caves in and you choke on your breath, letting out a small whimper.  

“You’ll be okay,” Tyler assures you, “you’re gonna come with me.”

You shake your head, your face scrunching up.  “Tyler I can’t-“

“Why?” he asks, breathlessly.

“I can’t-“ is all you can say.

“But why?” he’s pleading now.

“Because I wouldn’t be able to stand you hating me like my dad does,” you spit out quickly, all the words sort of mashed together.

Tyler’s face immediately softens and he pulls you into a tight hug.  He cradles the back of your head, pressing it firmly into his chest.

“No, no, no,” he’s repeating.  “No, Y/N, no that would never happen.”

“I can’t be a burden,” you say.

“You’re not, Y/N, you’re not.  I want you there.  I want you to stay with me.”

“What will I do when you get sick of me?” you sob into his chest.

“Hey-“ Tyler says, pulling you away from his chest.  You look up at him with puffy eyes.  “You didn’t deserve this.”

You look down at the ground, shaking your head.

“You didn’t deserve this,” he says again, tipping your chin up slowly so you’re looking right at him.  “You didn’t deserve this.”

You wished he’d stop.  

“You didn’t deserve this.”

Your face scrunches up.  

You don’t believe a single word he’s saying.

“It’s not your fault.”

The words make you erupt into another wave of sobs and you throw yourself hopelessly back into Tyler’s chest.  He holds you tight, his arms wrapping around you.  He rubs your back gently, murmuring softly into the top of your head, letting you ruin his shirt.

Josh and you both stay the night at Tyler’s.  

Tyler had four beds in his house.  Yet, somehow, the three of you all ended up in the living room, on the floor, sprawled out with blankets like you used to.

Josh was to your left.  He had his hand next to yours gently stroking your skin with his thumb.  Tyler was to your right, humming a tune that was so soothing.  

It was like you were eleven years old again.  Except for the fact that you weren’t.  You were older.  And scared.  And unsure of what the future had in store for you.  You didn’t have a home and your face was swollen, but for the first time in your life, with the two boys making a sandwich out of you, you didn’t feel so alone.  

anonymous asked:

can you do one where they (one of the RFA members and MC) fight about something but then make up? if you've already done this sorry!! your writing is amazing!

Mc X Seven

It was another normal day. Another normal day just like yesterday. And another normal day as the day before yesterday. I knew that Seven isn’t the social type, hell neither am I but I’ve only left the house these past weeks to do some grocery shopping. I just want to go out, show the world my perfect boyfriend, do fun stuff, meet up with the other RFA members. But every time I ask he says no.

“I’m busy with work”

“Van Der Wood asked me to do something new”

“I’m tired from working not now”

I’m done with this, like I get it, he has work to do I know but for fuck sake I’m his girlfriend some attention would be nice. Like he barley talks to me, sometimes he even gets mad at me for Interrupting his concentration. I just can’t take it anymore. Right now as we speak he’s sitting at his desk, bags of chips surrounded him, bags under his eyes. I’m worried about him, this isn’t healthy, he needs a break.

“Hey seven, when did you sleep for the last time”

It was quiet for and for a minute I thought he was ignoring me. Untill I heard some quiet snoring. Just as I thought, he’s overworked. With all the power in my body I moved him to our bed. Some sleep will cheer him up, at least that’s what I thought.

After two hours I hear a “WHAT THE FUCK” coming from the bedroom. Before I can even check what’s going on I see seven running towards his computer again. He must have noticed me because he snaps his head towards me.

“ WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU WAKE ME UP?! DONT YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHIT I HAVE TO DO, FOR FUCK SAKE MC WHAT DONT YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT ‘LEAVE ME ALONE?”

I was shocked at first, I thought I helped him? Well that was my only intention anyway. But then I remembered that I’m not a weak ass bitch who accepts being yelled at.

“EXCUSE YOU? I was only trying to help you Saeyoung, you’ve been working non stop for the past few days! But you know what? If you really want me to leave you alone fine, good luck with all that shit you have to deal with” I grabbed some stuff and walked out.

For as far as I know seven didn’t say a thing when I walked out. Probably because he didn’t care enough or whatsoever. I don’t know where I’ll go but for now I’ll go to my favorite cafe, the coffee there is really good and it always cheers me up.

After a few hours I still haven’t heard from Seven. In the mean time I texted the RFA members asking them if I could stay with them, but they all were too busy with their own lives.

“Great just my luck”, I mumble to myself. I really don’t feel like facing Seven for a while.

I’ve tried to stay at the cafe for as long as I could but of course it has to close at some point. So here I am standing in front of what used to be my home, doubting whether I go sleep in some park or swallow my pride and sleep in the same house as the person I disliked the most right now. Just as I’m about to grab the door handle the door swings open and a figure desperately clings onto me. I lookup and see a familiar redhead.

“ I’m so so so sorry mc I’m sorry I’m sor-”

I can tell that he’s been a crying mess. Even though it’s a sad sight, it makes my heart warm up.

“It’s okay Seven, let’s go inside and talk this out okay?”

He looked at me with tears in his eyes, but he still managed to smile like a happy child.

“Okay”.

——————————————————-
Lmfao the fault in our stars vibes at the end thoooooo
I hope this was okay I’m not sure lol - Tess

I just saw something really gross/ transphobic on my dash and i immediately blocked the person but like i feel so… Icky

3

“I love me a good street fight, but beatin’ somebody who ain’t gonna beat back is just bad game. Now go fuck ya self kindly.”

Remember when Vinny didn’t care about anything? Well

I mean this is just a quick sketch but I realised how much people liked Vinny, and I didn’t understand why because the way I had left him before made him seem like a coldass who lived for fights and drama and didn’t give a shit about anybody. And then I started wondering, well. Is he always like that? The answer is mostly. But not always. Anyway, I guess I wanted to show a side of him from a time when he maybe cared a little more about himself and other people.

did my dear sweet love @bigbrotherlouis up a bit of a tomlinshaw, love u, happy birthday. xx

Louis stands across the room, looking a little lost. Nick would think it’s because of the painting he’s staring at – admittedly, it’s quite the thinker – but he’s spent most of the night wandering around, looking out of place on his own.

Not that Nick’s been watching him. It’s just he’s got one of them looks on that could be considered devastating if you looked at it head on, blazer sleeves rolled up, skinnies curving in the right places, a quiff higher than Nick’s, not that that’s too difficult these days.

Honestly, sometimes Nick can go a whole bloody year without seeing Louis Tomlinson in anything other than a professional capacity, and he’s run into him twice in as many months. Enough that he’s able to catalog the differences between Louis smoking in an alleyway behind a theatre with soothing words and a wry tilt to his lips, and this Louis puttering around like a lamb that’s lost its shepherd.

And really, Nick’s not much better off than the last time he saw Louis, but at least he’s not crying. He is, admittedly, wearing a jumper with Crying inside stitched on it because he’s got a theme to adhere to.

But Nick’s doing things for himself now. If doing things for himself means sequestering himself in his flat, never leaving or talking to anyone unless he’s going to work or taking the dogs on a walk or he’s forcibly dragged kicking and screaming to an art gallery.

And he’s off men. He supposes he’s doing that for himself too.

Keep reading

Okay I wasn’t sure how I felt about the cauldron scene/Rhys coming back to life at the end because normally I hate rushed endings but it’s actually okay, and idk, maybe wouldn’t have worked if it was longer?? I would have liked to see Feyre like….go into the weird black void and explain that part more but also I understand Maas’s hesitation/inability to do so because frankly I’m super shit at describing that type of thing in writing. But anyways then I got to the part where Mor is the first person who comes to Feyres side after Rhys is dead and THAT BROKE ME. FEMALE FRIENDSHIP FOR THE WIN. and then when Mor threatened Beron I was like *sobs uncontrollably.* And Feyres internal monologue in this scene is hella believable and well done like, she’s incoherent and her thoughts are jumbled and messy and it just…makes sense given her emotional state with Rhys dead. I’d say that something Maas nails is matching Feyre’s voice to her emotions. You really feel like you’re ~inside~ her head rather than just being dragged along. And this is one of those scenes that really puts that on display

BUT ANYWAYS

I decided I liked the Rhys dying and coming back to life scenes and I like the way it’s written more than I thought at first. (My first judgment of the last 100 pages is skewed because I was so emotional from reading Mor’s coming out scene that I just sorta nodded at everything else).

Elysium

Dennis Taylor is the first one to appear, stepping out of the shadows in the hospital ward as if he was biding his time.

“Nice shooting there, doc,” and it takes her a moment to understand what he’s referring to. “I wonder if Teddy could have used someone like you. Though you don’t seem the type to get mixed up with dope.”

It’s not the white shirt he’s wearing – it’s the red t-shirt his friend had mentioned, and Naomi thinks idly about the ghosts’ choice of attire.

“Aren’t you wondering why I came here? Well, shit, truth be told I don’t know myself. Though I’m still kinda pissed about boys in blue rifling through my underwear drawer. Anyway, you’ve got more visitors coming, so stick around. Thanks for catching the psycho who stabbed me, by the way. Shoulda shot his balls off. Drugs is drugs, but wet work? Hell no, I’m clean.”

He lingers in the faint moonlight coming through the window and only slinks off when Veronica appears by her side. Dead she may be, but she bears traces of that liveliness Naomi had only seen in her picture.

“…I wonder sometimes if you should have just let sleeping dogs lie, doctor.” Her voice is quiet and sorrowful. “My parents… they really don’t deserve something like this. Please tell me the judge is going to go easy on them.”

Naomi doesn’t have the strength to speak, but she won’t agree. Locking their own child in her room like this, letting her die alone, trying to pretend everything was normal… no, that wasn’t something she could forgive.

“I’ve been… horrible to them, myself, but I couldn’t help it. This disease has really hurt everyone involved, hasn’t it? My parents and me… and now you. I hope there won’t be any more victims.”

Her hand brushes against Naomi’s, and the doctor can swear she feels a warm touch – the dead girl seems more alive than she herself is, now.

“I don’t know if they’ve forgiven me, now, but I can’t forget it yet. I just…” her voice breaks in a sob. “I just w-wanted my mom to hold me…”

With what little strength she can muster, Naomi closes her fingers around Veronica’s – but it’s on thin air.

“Thanks for bringing closure to us, Naomi.” Abigail walks in next, and Naomi recalls she was the first one to be killed. “Well, as much as it can be called closure. Mother was always religious – dad used to make fun of it, gently – but never something crazy like this. …It wasn’t really her, was it?”

Naomi shakes her head slightly.

“Good. I know, brain damage can really mess people up, but I’d have never thought…  At least it was out of love. I was a late child – they weren’t blessed with kids, you see, and they’d stopped trying – until I was born. They always doted on me… It’s a shame it ended like this. I didn’t think my dad would outlive us. Naomi, I know it’s a lot of me to ask, but – can you keep an eye on Joseph? If regulations allow, of course…”

She promises to herself that she will – if she lives long enough.

“…Oh dear.” Alma’s voice is instantly familiar, even if she’s only heard it through her phone. “I wish I could help you in some way. Hospitals are terrible places to be in. I would visit you if I could.”

She is, indeed, the doting grandmother Naomi expected her to be, and it makes it even the more painful to imagine how she stabbed that stake through Abigail’s body.

“You look frightened. I’m so sorry.” She sits down on the hospital bed, and the mattress shifts under her weight. “How could I ever do something like this to my Abby… She forgave me, and I only hope Joseph does, too. …I don’t think he’s long for this world without us.”

Neither am I, Naomi thinks to herself – but Alma looks at her with gentle reproach.

“No, Miss. It isn’t your time yet. I have faith in the skills of the doctors here – don’t you?”

She does, but they couldn’t stop certain death.

“A lot of people are hoping that you’ll live through this. Please, stay strong for their sake.” Alma stands up, but then adds solemnly: “But, if you can’t, I understand. I will welcome you to the other side then.”

Aidan Posner is unmistakable, with his Hollywood smile and purposely ruffled hair. Then, it’s just the victims she handled personally? Makes sense.

“I hoped I’d leave a handsome corpse. Shame I went like this – a beautiful woman like you shouldn’t have to deal with burned remains. …Sorry, force of habit. Flirting is what fans loved, even if Melissa was always saying I’d put myself at danger. I hope she finds a new job soon; she’s a great manager.”

He’s the most restless of them all, pacing the room in the moonlight. What was he like on a tennis court?

“Thank you for stopping the Raging Bomber, Doctor Kimishima. You did what the rest of the FBI couldn’t. If not for you, there would have been a lot more victims.”

Still, she blames herself.

Eldred isn’t someone she wants to see, and they both know it.

“…Well, you know what? I don’t regret it.” The way he says it, she wonders if he’s convincing himself too. “Money was tight, I couldn’t have paid my college off on my own… if I gotta be the one to make a few prank calls, hell yeah. Shame I got cocky, but hey, the guitar was a legend. If you’d appreciated music like I do, you’d know how hot it was to trace her neck with my fingers. But here’s the thing with legends – they don’t last, do they? I went out in a blaze of glory. Worth it!”

Eldred departs just as hastily. She hopes that Sartre will be next.

But it’s the all too familiar figure with the wild mane of red hair that perches on the windowsill, and Naomi’s heart races.

“Naomi Kimishima. Didn’t think we’d meet again.” Lieberman sounds different somehow, though. “Oh, don’t be afraid. It wasn’t me that you’ve met.”

She remembers now – she can remember it all, vividly – the way Sandra’s voice changed just before Rosalia virus sank its talons into her.

“If it makes a difference, I admired your work. It’s a shame that I wasn’t of the right mind. Who knows, we may have yet worked together. …But these aren’t the words you expect from me, are they? Well, I don’t think there is anything I could say now. There isn’t a chance for me to make amends, Doctor Kimishima. What about you?”

How do you – how could you know?!

“It’s something you said in the airport, Doctor – you said you had to atone. I wonder… but it’s not my place to inquire. Whatever it is you blame yourself for, a mind like yours deserves to keep existing. Honestly, twisted as it is of me to think, I regret that I couldn’t truly clash wits with you. You’ve solved better puzzles than four pathetic riddles.”

She jumps down, landing with a faint echo of a sound.

“Rosalia – that’s what the presence that’s plagued my mind called itself. It screamed out its name until it drowned out my voice. I was hoping you’d stop it, Doctor, and you did! Bravo. It would be a shame if you conceded defeat now. You’ve gone all in; don’t fold your cards yet.”

She’s standing close now, and Naomi thinks she can feel that particular smell that she remembers from Sandra’s room – black powder, mixed with floral perfume.

“May I?” Naomi nods weakly, and Sandra’s incorporeal hand briefly clutches her own in an imitation of a handshake. “Well played, Naomi Kimishima – I’ll spare you the nickname. Until we meet again… and it better not be soon.”

Sartre takes a long while to speak after he appears. His head is bowed, dark hair obscuring his face. Something in him reminds her of CR-S01. They may not be related by blood, but, when it comes to medicine, they have the same kind of obsession.

“I… am sorry.”

I know.

“If only there was something I could change now… This monster consumed my life. My children. Rose… she’s dead, and Erhard… how could I ever be this callous? Please, Doctor Kimishima… you know the truth now. You have to save him. He is innocent. Give him back the life I took from him.”

He pleads, but it’s futile. If it isn’t Rosalia that claims her life, it will be GUILT.

“You are in good hands, Doctor. Erhard is one of the most talented surgeons to ever exist. Please-!”

And his speech breaks into hasty French, pleading something with her, reiterating her name again and again, almost crying. She wonders why anyone would care.

The ward is slowly getting lighter – it must be dawn. Albert runs out of words eventually, and stands next to her bed with face buried in hands before finally turning on his heels and making his way out of the ward – do ghosts really need a way out? – his footsteps unsteady and shoulders hunched, weighed down by his grief.

It’s no surprise when Rosalia appears, and Naomi manages a smile for a girl she knows so well despite not meeting her.

But Rose doesn’t speak. She takes a seat on the hospital bed as well, but she sits quietly, thin shoulders rising with breaths she doesn’t need to take. Still, her presence is welcome.

Then again, there isn’t anything to say between them. The girl had been there in spirit, and she knows everything. Maria’s breakdown over her body. The frantic search for the cure. Naomi collapsing in exhaustion on the couch that was once Sartre’s and Holden finding an old blanket for her to wrap around herself.

Rosalia probably knows more than Naomi herself does. Her own memory cuts off from her collapsing in the hospital corridor, alone. This has to be a hospital ward – but how long has it been? Is this reality, and is she alive herself, with the dead walking in and out of her consciousness?

The sun rises high enough for her to make out the ward, in grayscale, right down to the equipment by her bed and a plant in the corner – but she can’t distinguish her own body under the covers, or find enough strength to toss them off herself. What kind of existence is this?

Why are you here, Rosalia? I’d thought you passed on when you got your closure. Are you here to ferry me across the Styx?

Still she doesn’t move, fingers gripping the hem of the blanket tight, looking at her pleadingly.

The sun keeps rising – and soon the ward is washed in golden light of dawn. In the sun, the unreality of the spirit is now apparent, rays passing through her to leave no shadow.

Naomi closes her eyes and focuses on her own breathing – faint to the point she can barely feel it.

The ghosts right now feel more real than the living to her. Still – she forces herself to remember: Derek, Angie, Kenneth, Little Guy, Gabe, Tomoe, Hank, Maria, CR – or Erhard… Alyssa…

She forces herself to take a deep breath.

A hollow pain wreaks her chest immediately, so bad that she bites down on her lips; but the pain is real, at least, it means she’s alive, and Naomi can feel her heart beating on.

She has to live, she has to keep living.

She’s close to passing out from the pain – the heart monitor by her side is sounding in alarm – but she opens her eyes.

Rosalia stands up slowly, a smile of relief on her face, and Naomi sees her fading with daylight.


And when she wakes up again, the ward is bright –

“…You’re awake. How do you feel?”

– and Tomoe is waiting by her side.

Toxicity Is Becoming Supergirl Season 2′s Theme

I mean, seriously, though, are they trying to send a very heavy-handed message? Or is it a complete and total accident that so many of the storylines and ships this season end up being really toxic or revolve around the idea of control and consent in relationships?

Let’s look at some of the examples of this. 

Karahell being the most egregious one, of course, but clearly Winn/Lyra is trying to give them a run for their money. I can safely say I didn’t see that coming. 

I actually didn’t particularly care for Winn/Lyra, but that was mostly because of how rushed it felt and how… weird the relationship was. I mean it starts with them just sort-of immediately hooking up after she saves his ass from a beating at the alien bar and they later bond over a book they’ve both read and commitment issues? And then we find out she’s been playing Winn but only to save her brother who got caught up in some bad shit, so while it’s not a good thing to lie in a relationship it is still mostly forgivable given that she was under duress. I just didn’t really understand what I was supposed to be feeling for these two. That they were soulmates? We barely know anything about Lyra and she barely gets any screentime or real personality. She’s just… kickass? Mysterious? Anyway, I didn’t HATE the ship, I just didn’t really like it. They weren’t writing it well and that’s been a big problem this season too, but not the point of this post. 

Anyway, this episode? Dear God, where the fucking hell did that come from? She’s never been outright abusive like this before nor has she ever shown signs of possessiveness. She claimed she had commitment issues back when they started because she didn’t think any human would want to date an alien and then she revealed that she and her brother had essentially been kidnapped and escaped to Earth or something. But she seemed fairly genuine in her care for Winn and didn’t get irrationally angry and violent even in 2x16 when her secret came out and he was running after her with armed agents. 

Has anyone made gifs paralleling the bar scene with Winn/Lyra to the DEO scene with karahell? Because those would be pretty fucking close. Insults and yelling in a public space. Irrational anger and jealousy. Blaming the partner for their own mistakes without taking any responsibility. She gets up and walks away, but she threatens Winn with harm if he’s not out of the bar when she gets back from the bathroom. Man-Ew doesn’t let Kara leave the argument at least twice, though there was no explicit threat of violence or breaking of items the way Lyra does. 

And Lyra never apologizes. You know who is made to feel bad about the whole thing? James. The Black guy. The guy who nobody thought could be a superhero because he’s only human and doesn’t have powers. The guy who has been trying to prove himself as a viable superhero this entire season is now essentially being forced to work with someone who could very easily give him a bad reputation if she hurts someone and he gets blamed for it because no one knows he has a partner or even who Lyra is and he’d be too good to throw her under the bus. Musty-Fail doesn’t apologize for his own behavior in 2x13 either. Not once that I can recall. You know who ends up feeling bad at the end of that episode? Kara. 

Anyway. So that’s that bit. Let’s head over to Lena.

Lena’s had plenty of issues with people she cares about/trusts taking advantage of her/betraying her this season. She’s cleaning up Lex’s mess and trying to keep his company afloat and he sends assassins after her. Lillian is constantly trying to use Lena to her own ends by manipulating Lena’s desire to be loved by her mother. Lionel lied to her about her true parentage. Even Kara is lying to her, whether Lena is completely aware of it or not. I know it doesn’t compare to either of the other two nor is it intentionally hurtful or manipulative on Kara’s part, obviously, but Kara is definitely still lying to her and Lena would have every right to be hurt by that whether she’s in the know or not about Kara’s identity. And now Lena’s forced to see a guy she obviously cared about and loved being literally physically controlled by a person he probably trusted and she can’t even save him. She even nearly gets subjected to his same fate herself, only saved by at the last moment by Kara. 

Add to that Rhea’s entrance at the end of the episode, clearly showing us where Rhea’s plans to end Supergirl once and for all are going to start (and wow, is she keeping an eye on Kara in secret and if so, I kinda love that her first thought to get to Kara is to go through Lena. Not Alex or James or Winn or J’onn, but Lena. Says a lot about how much that relationship has progressed, doesn’t it?). Rhea’s definitely manipulative, so she’ll likely manipulative Lena even more.

Lena’s obviously got plenty of her own agency and she tends to beat everyone who tries to control and manipulate her, but it’s still clearly a reoccurring theme with her character.

Jeremiah, the storyline we all thought was going to be WAY bigger and more important when it was first introduced last season, is being manipulated into hurting people by Lillian in order to keep Kara and Alex safe. He’s been physically changed, probably without his consent, and likely been experimented on and brainwashed in the years he’s been with CADMUS. 

Maggie was forcibly outed to her family and now has severe trust issues which causes her to lie to Alex about her past sometimes.

This theme is just so prevalent this season with the characters and that’s not even taking into account some of the minor storylines that have emphasized control and consent. The alien fight club where J’onn gets forced into being a gladiator against his will? The slaver taking humans to another planet to sell them off? Mr. Mxyzptlk trying to force Kara to marry him? Aliens being forcibly kidnapped and deported (almost)? The musical episode where Kara and Barry are forced to follow a script and can only be saved if specific people kiss them while Kara and Barry are unconscious? Tonight’s episode where the nanobots can heal you instantly but also allow for someone in charge of the nanobots to completely control you?

I don’t truly believe the CW is doing this intentionally to send a message about toxic relationships and control/consent (they’re not good enough writers for that), but it is definitely a pattern I’m noticing this season. If it’s intentional, it damn well better go somewhere really good with a very very very obvious message about how awful karahell and Winn/Lyra are and both of those relationships ending. If it’s not intentional, it’s really fucking ugly and this show is so going down the toilet and there’s really no saving it. 

I just really can't stand IchiHime and I still to this day don't get the appeal

Besides the well known fact that the pairing is one sided and has literally no development at all (Orihime being thirsty doesn’t count it takes two to tango) the pairing is just really boring. Even if Rukia didn’t exist and Orihime was the only “love interest” Ichigo had I still would hate the pairing. Ichigo has never shown any romantic interest in Orihime and the saddest part of it is not even after they were married he didnt show any interest in her. He was too caught up in seeing Rukia to even care about her. I honestly feel like the only reason anyone ships it is because 1.) Orihimes abnormally large hentai tits and 2.) they can’t stand Rukia because of 1.) her strong tsundere personality and 2.) she ain’t got them big titties and everyone knows MC can only end up with the girl with the tits even if she is weak, stupid, and useless.
The thing is is that ichihime is such a stereotypical action romance. The guy gets with the pretty sweet and innocent girl who’s his friend whos always had a crush on him but he is utterly oblivious to. Except unlike other action and Shonen Bleach had Rukia. So why put the guy with that girl when you have someone so much better. Someone who MC literally can’t keep up with the speed of the world without? But ya know fuck logic right? The only thing that’s important is the titties am I right?
Honestly I still don’t understand why IH is canon. Despite what IHs might have you believe Ichigo never showed any interest in Orihime where he most certainly did Rukia. I mean for the love of god Rukia is the reason he is no longer depressed she dried the rain. I could honestly write a whole article about how Ichiruki had all the development and how much it was teased and all that but that’s already been done and I feel like I’m kinda beating a dead horse if I even go down that road. So instead I’d like to address why I believe ichihime happened. Well at leased the theories I have as to why, because I have a hard time believing it was planned from the beginning when Kubo literally changed Ichigos fucking hair color to match Rukias.
Ya see the thing is Bleach has honestly been garbage for literal years. It jumped the shark and went full retard towards the end of the huaco mundo arc. In my opinion Kubo grew tired of Bleach along time ago and was only continuing it because SJ made him since it was so damn popular back in the day, and anyway because of this Kubo kept repeating plot lines and kept recycling old character designs making new ones instead of just using the already existing characters because fuck them. And agh anyway there are so many terrible things I could say about the story but I digress. The point is the story has been deteriorating for years and so a lot of the fans have since moved on. The only ones who still followed the series and cared were the shippers. And Kubo in my opinion based off previous interviews where he even said Bleach wasn’t a romance and he wished people wouldn’t focus on that was sick of it. I think he wanted people to give a shit about the story and not the pairings. Even tho a normal person would understand that you can’t expect people to care about a story that’s literal shit agh see I’m doing it again I’m going off topic! Well anyway I think Kubo was fed up with it. Even tho he planned IR that wasn’t supposed to be the main focus and for what ever reason he doesn’t get that people liking the pairing was just a compliment and he somehow took it as an insult. You see Kubo has always dealt with depression and mental illness. It’s why he canceled his first manga Zombie Power. And I think somehow he in his mind rationalized that people liking a ship=people not caring about the story. And I think somehow he started to resent us ichirukis. (Because honestly the guy is a fucking idiot) And so when SJ fired him and made him finish the series so fast, and he knew they wanted IR as canon because that’s the most popular so they can market it off to people and he also knew how much people hated IH. I think he decided to do IH just to spite Shonen jump for firing him and the fans for leaving him. I think somehow in his mind by ruining his own creation he was getting back at the people he blames for its decline. I don’t know why he’s blame us and SJ when he’s the author but he’s Kubo and who the fuck knows with that guy he’s not that mentally stable. And well anyway that’s why I think IH is canon. Hell I could be wrong but I’d bet money that I’m right. I bet one day once he’s older and maybe hopefully a bit wiser he’ll come out and be honest with people about the ending. Because even if he had planed IH which I’d bet my life on that he didn’t it doesn’t change the fact that he was rushed and that there’s no way that’s what he wanted. I mean Kon isn’t even in the last chapter. Like WHAT!?
Well anyway that’s just my two cents on the issue. I’d be curious to see what other people think about IH being canon despite it making no fucking sense.

anonymous asked:

Why'd they even put the safe mode thing in the new update?? Like everyone SHOULD be over 13 if they have a Tumblr account and even at that age they learn about it in school and shit???

pfft XD I just remember when I was a middle school but 13 years old or who still like learn the bodies of a human’s well that… *remember the giving birth of a woman and shivers* end me xD

anyway, middle school learn about those in minor ways than in COLLEGE (seriously psychology subject can be the best of it) where all OPEN MINDED and become major epic about sexuality about man and woman, as your professor just put a topic about sexuality so the student understands it more and being open minded of course.

I know you’re still in middle school and it’s minor, I think tumblr put the safe mode on under 18 even they still learning it in school (the human parts) because nsfw +18 content is like a hardcore sex, especially people who draw nsfw more often ( I guess) 

and more importantly, young people will get curious what really feels how to well THAT, some young people get preggy at a young age like serious curiosity, some are like 5% young girls are like 16 yrs old or what (sorry this is just base on my country news or something shits) 

I was at the vet with Wrigley.

We were just buying some specialty dog food, we were standing at the counter talking to the secretary and vets when this woman walks out from an exam room with her floofy white dog jumping around try to get to Wrigley and all around misbehaving, Wrigley was just ignoring the floof ball all together like he would with any dog, so the woman hands her dog to her daughter (I’m assuming) and tells her to take it to the car, she proceeds to come to the counter to pay, Wrigley (who was off duty at the time, he didn’t have his vest on) he was rubbing his head on the back of my legs like a deer would rub a tree with its antlers, he does it all the time I love it, the vets thought it was cute and funny, I did too and suddenly the woman looks down at Wrigley then looks at me an says

“he needs some training work doesn’t he?” Then proceeds to grab his head and tell him “no!”

Oh my good lord was I livid, and Wrigley was confused as to why this strange woman was touching his face and telling him no, I said

“EXCUSE ME, but he is a Canine Good Citizen, my service dog and one of the most well behaved dog you’ll ever see and I’d greatly appreciate it if you’d keep your hands off him,also you should touch people’s dogs without asking anyways or tell them no it’s just extremely rude and by the way your dog was acting I think you should evert your attention on it instead of my dog whom you know jack shit about”

After that her face turned red and my regular vet who sees me at least twice a month as giggling, I proceeded to give Wrigley the heel and down command which the woman wouldn’t understand because Wrigley is trained in German and pay for my food she paid quickly and left before I did and my vet proceeded to come around the counter and give Wrigley treats and tell him what a good boy he is and we joked about it all, I hope I never see the horrid woman and her misbehaved froofy dog again.

I GRADUATED!!!

guys i know i haven’t been on tumblr much (or at all- im more active on twitter) so here are some real life updates

1) I GRADUATED. LOOK AT ALL THE PHOTOS OF ME ACTING COOL AND LOOKING LIKE A MEME.

2) I’M A CONFIRMED STAFF!! HURRAH FOR MEDICAL BENEFITS!!! Supervisors are pleased with my work ethic, less pleased with my tendency to zone out during meetings.  

3) Instead of copywriting for 2 brands I’m now only doing 1, because my supervisors feel it would give me more focus. They made sure to say its not because they think I’m doing a terrible job. I love how they can read my mind sometime BUT ANYWAYS THEY SAY I’M A POSITIVE PERSON WHO ADAPTS WELL. so yeah, i just get told to do more homework.

4) homework means reading tons of magazines and looking at ads and basically understanding why some ads work and some don’t. BASICALLY SHIT I DIDNT LEARN IN UNI AT ALL. WOOP WOOP.

5) I WON 2 TICKETS TO YAYOI KUSUMA’S ART EXHIBIT!!! GOOD THINGS. 

6) recently discovered shopping site Qoo10. bought THINGS.

7) face has constantly been breaking out cos of work. HOW DO PPL HANDLE WORK FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. i have worked for 3 months and it feels like i’ve worked for 3 years. 

ok I just saw rogue one for the THIRD time because I am a NORMAL, WELL-ADJUSTED PERSON, and I have some THOUGHTS about BODHI ROOK

like, do y'all understand how many of my favorite things he is??

  • noodle boy
  • scruffy
  • just unnecessarily beautiful
  • p i l o t
  • soft and gentle
  • also fully capable of fucking up the bad guys’ shit
  • has A Past but has actively renounced it
  • is Trying His Best
  • needs to be held and loved
  • smiles like an Actual Ray of Sunshine
  • is honestly too good for this world
  • a fellow anxious babe
  • …who is so, so brave in spite of it
  • i just want him to be safe and happy and loved :(((


anyway I HIGHKEY love Bodhi Rook and I’m probably not gonna shut up about it anytime soon

Pt.2 Who do rappers REALLY make there music for?

Nicki Minaj makes hip pop music for teens on the radio who think she’s clueless and hood rats in the streets who are disappointed because they know she can rip it and they’d rather hear her spit a verse about eating someone’s brains.

Eminem makes music for white people who say “I don’t really listen to hip hop but I like Eminem because I can relate to his trashy upbringing” and black guys who SAY he isn’t the best rapper alive but they be knowin’.

Kendrick Lamar makes real hip hop music for people who consider hip hop an older sibling to them but that sibling calls you out and tells you to get your shit together, make something of your life and don’t be a fuckboy.

J.Cole makes music for a new generation of people who are a tad soft and like honesty in there music but hate being compared to Drake fans because they be on that cry face emoji 😭and Cole fans be a lil tougher on that just sad face emoji. 😔

Rick Ross makes music for the dreamer, that one day you can go from security guard to rapper to rap mogul with minimal talent and only a luxurious beard.

Machine Gun Kelly makes hip hop music for white kids who grew up on too much black culture and everyone else secretly knows they’re spoiled little swaggot white kids that acts fake to look cool in public.

Riff Raff makes music… Well he.. He starts talking and stuff… Hmm.. Riff Raff………. Yeah I don’t know man. He try’s I guess. I’m not sure why anyone would listen to him honestly.

Young Thug makes music for an idiotic young generation of people who could care less about lyrics because obviously you can’t understand them anyway and cares more about the production which is the only thing making him hot right now.

Kevin Gates makes hip hop for any person that has some mental issues that causes them to do some stupid shit, get in trouble for it and then be depressed about it but when the weekend hits they’re at the club ready to turn up again.

WAKA FLOCKA FLAME MAKES HYPED RAP MUSIC FOR ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO BE TURNT EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY AND DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT HOW LOUD THEY ARE BUT WAKA KNOWS HE’S A TERRIBLE RAPPER SO HE JUST YELLS EVERYTHING FOR NO REASON.

Macklemore makes music for his small legion of underground fans from Seattle who wish he would come back and the rest are just like soccer moms and people in there mid 40’s that think Thrift Shop is a hip song.

Lil Wayne makes music for people who think he revolutionized hip hop over the last decade but are afraid to say it because deep down they know he is an idiotic human being that has completely over fantasized what it’s like to be rapper.

A$AP Rocky makes music for the gritty night life rap fan that wants to be out there getting it nonstop and can’t help themselves from plastering pictures all over social media sites to seem cooler when there out but then the next day they go back to doing dishes at Applebee’s.

Juicy J makes rap music for them old hustlers trying to change with times out there spitin’ game on them young girls but come off real creepy and usually end up alone at a gas station at 1 AM in there car drinking a 40 covered with a brown paper bag.

Earl Sweatshirt makes music for weird asshole teens that act outrageous in public but really they’re just playing everyone because they’re smart as hell but are wasting there talents doing nothing.

Clarke and Lexa fight:

Clarke: Lexa, we need to talk…
Lexa: Clerk, OMG not now I’m just about to open this CANDLE package that I ordered from Amazon!
Clarke: What is your problem Lexa?! All you do is talking about those STUPID candles! 
Lexa: What…did you say?
Clarke: I am trying my best here and all you do is candles,candles,candles..
Lexa: Well, maybe I would do YOU if you took a fucking BATH! Your hair is greasier than burger at McPolis!
Clarke: OH YOU DID NOT JUST GO THERE SISTA! You are such a DRAMA QUEEN! Literally Roan was there fighting you and you layed on the ground all dramatic when literally you could stand up in 0.3 seconds and kill the shit out of Roan with your bare hands!
Lexa: Well at least I DID NOT DO IT FOR MY PEOPLE!
Clarke: Well I am not the one who cut her NIGHTGOWN up to my fucking right lung and put GLITTER on my fucking neck in order to get laid!!!
Lexa: Oh whatever, I need someone whose gonna understand my PICK UP LINES anyway!!
Indra: WOULD YOU TWO PLEASE STOP ALREADY
Titus: PREACH GURL

and the premise as well that genital and body dysphoria go hand in hand is so fucking stupid because it doesn’t. you can’t just say shit and say that it’s reality. I’m not the only trans girl to have one without the other and there are trans girls with fucking none of them. gatekeeping is fucking wretched. it’s disgusting and if you don’t understand the reality that you do not know people better than they do, that’s really pretty fucking shameful. 

anyway, ostracize terfs and truscum and really all gatekeepers including the aerospace dipshits who have intentionally made all aerodynamic physics (and to a lesser extent all science) as anti-comprehensible and fucking obtuse as possible. 

anonymous asked:

so I follow you on your main blog and I saw you ranting about invisible illnesses (and you were totally right about all of it) so maybe an au where Aaron has an invisible illness?

Fuck me up x20

So because I don’t want to attempt talking about something I don’t know or understand, I’ll just go with my own disease. Cool? Cool.

And omfg I’m gonna try not to make this sad.

So Burr! Being diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease at like… I don’t know, 13. And it’s really tough learning you have an incurable disease at that age, especially without any solid support system (except maybe his sister, who can only do so much).

Especially a disease that’s triggered by stress! So even if he learns how to take care of himself correctly – eating right, exercising, trying his best to be free of stress – stressing over something or even just being upset can send him right back to the hospital.

So imagine Burr who is so obsessed with his parents’ legacy, who is working hard as hell to get good grades and to go to Princeton, having a disease that’s triggered by stress. Which is like 60% of this dudes life, so it’s difficult as fuck, but he manages.

Which is probably an understatement because Crohn’s is HELL. He continues going to school even though his stomach is killing him. Keeps trying to eat even though the anemia is making him lose his appetite, but he knows it’ll only get worse if he doesn’t eat. He could be walking down the hall and laughing with Angelica when there’s this random pain in his stomach that keeps him rooted to the spot and unable to move, to even inhale too deeply, until the pain goes away. And he tries so hard to play it off and brush people off when they ask what’s wrong and just tries to hide all of it. But it’s not that easy when you have to stop in the middle of the hall and clutch your stomach and people – who have no idea what you’re going through– are bumping into you left and right and increasing the pain and all he can do is grit his teeth until the pain subsides in seconds or even minutes.

And this would be so goddamn interesting because all I can think of is the “I am the one thing in life I can control.” line and it really doesn’t apply here. The one thing he could control in his life is being controlled by this unpredictable, incurable disease. So this is either a really great story about how he works around that and learns how to take that control back, or a devastating story about how this disease gets the better of him and he isn’t able to do what he wants because this one small thing is controlling his entire life.

(Shhh I’m trying to make it happy let me finish)

So let’s say he goes into remission for a while. He’s taking care of himself and he’s eating right and it’s been years since he’s been to the hospital. Burr is doing great, basically! It’s been so long since he was really sick, he forgets what it was even like. And he even finishes his first year of college with perfect grades, great friends, and not one emergency room visit. Everything is great.

He’s even embraced this disease. Learned how to work around it. To get his shit done from a hospital room or curled up in his bed because he’s unable to move. He works through it. And it pays off.

And then it’s his second year. And he meets Alexander. And he rooms with Alexander. And Alexander is his #1 source of stress okay he’s loud and obnoxious and argues about everything and stays up at all hours of the night annoying the shit out of Burr and it’s even worse because Burr actually likes him, despite all this. He has moments where he’s just so smart and even funny and Burr can’t help but admire how hard he works and all that he accomplishes even if he’s jealous as hell.

But he’s always trying to get Burr riled up. To get him to argue back. And it’s really not worth the stress. Simply thinking about the stress causes Burr more stress. Hell, constantly being in the immediate vicinity of Alexander, someone who’s default state is ‘stressed’, stresses him out by association. So he’s either gotta get the hell out of there (which…he really doesn’t want to), or finds some other way to avoid all this stress.

Eventually, after talking to Angelica about it, he decides to just tell Alexander. He’s pretty understanding when he wants to be. And even though Burr is terrified because he’s never told anyone but those who were absolutely necessary (Angelica, his teachers, etc.), he knows he has to do this.

But he’s still scared. Especially because he hasn’t quite mastered the art of talking about it without getting emotional. It’s not like he has much practice, really.

But he does it. Lets Alexander know he has this chronic illness that he’s been living with for most of his life and he hasn’t really told anyone so this is kind of a big deal for him so if Alexander could maybe stop purposely antagonizing him and doing things that set him off just because he finds it entertaining and maybe go somewhere else when he’s stressed, that would help him out immensely.

And it looks likes – for a small, minuscule second– that Alexander actually gets it. That he might even feel bad. But of course, he’s an asshole and does the whole:

“Well, you don’t look sick.”

And Aaron is speechless. Aaron has never experienced this until right now, in this moment. Everyone he’s told has been so understanding. Didn’t want to make him talk about it if he didn’t want to. Went home and did their own research instead of bugging him for more information or even…questioning him. Almost as if they don’t believe him.

And it sucks. Your illness and your feelings being invalidated just because you don’t “look” sick. And even when Aaron does his best to explain why he doesn’t physically look sick, Alexander is still asking questions. Still asking him to explain. And a disease like this.. it’s not something you ever want to get into too much detail about. Especially with someone who you aren’t all that close to and even have somewhat of a tiny (and slowly diminishing…) crush on.

So Aaron is becoming upset and frustrated and knows he shouldn’t have to explain himself but keeps trying because dammit, he doesn’t know why Alexander won’t believe him. Doesn’t understand why the hell he can’t just go on the Internet like everyone else and stop asking him all these uncomfortable, probing ass questions.

And he realizes at some point that this isn’t Alexander not believing him or trying to get him to admit he’s faking it. This is Alexander interested. Wanting to know as much as he can. Eager for knowledge about something he, surprisingly– for once – knows nothing about. The asshole doesn’t even realize he’s upsetting Aaron until Aaron grabs a bunch of his shit and walks out because it’s just too much to handle and stays with Angelica for a while.

They get past it eventually. Apologies are made, and the topic doesn’t come up again. But it’s obvious that Alexander still feels terrible. The guilty looks he gives Burr when he thinks he’s not looking says it all.

It’s also pretty obvious that Alexander does his research. Because he starts babying Burr, almost like Angelica did when he first told her. He’s always asking “Did you eat?” or “How are you feeling today?”. He’s hovering over Aaron’s shoulder when they have lunch with their friends and watches Burr like a goddamn parent, making sure their child is eating all his vegetables.

One time, he even smacks John’s bag of cheetos away when he offers some to Burr because “No, he can’t eat those.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because what?”

And Alexander is glaring at him so John just apologizes and goes back to eating his cheetos.

He asks about all Burr’s trigger foods. Makes sure when they all go out to eat, that the restaurant has things Burr is able to eat, too.

And Burr has no idea what to do because now that small crush is back full force, but he’s also super annoyed because he’s been taking care of himself for years without Alexander’s help. He sure as hell doesn’t need it now.

Imagine Alexander persuading Burr to be more open about it. Telling people “I have this disease, but it doesn’t control my life”.

He does it and thinks he’ll regret it but…it’s ends up being a good thing. The admiring looks he gets. The amount of people that come up and talk to him about their own illnesses or their family member’s and he’s all of a sudden extremely proud to be able to talk about this openly without it making him emotional. Him being open about it and embracing it and helping other people is something he never dreamed of happening, but he’s so glad it is.

Of course, there are downsides. There are still those ignorant people who say “Well, you don’t look sick” and “You’re over exaggerating” and continue being ignorant even after Aaron explains it? but Alexander is probably right there with him, fighting people and telling them off about being insensitive and talking about shit they don’t understand (even though that was him at some point, fuckin hypocrite) and Aaron is looking at him with Heart Eyes™ because he’s come such a long way

But anyway this had no set path I just kinda pulled it out of thin air, but I hope this is what you were asking for! 😂

I legitimately hate Dell

So my computer took a shit on me & I decided to just order a PC instead of a new mac, and I ordered it through Dell. Well that was a mistake. 
I’ve gotten 4 calls today from Dell customer support saying that my order is going to be cancelled if I don’t call back. Well I called back. 4 freaking times, and they are CLOSED. so why are you calling me on a DAY THAT YOU ARE FUCKING CLOSED.
To top it off, when I first placed my order, my confirmation e mail said I ordered something completely different, so Dell had to cancel my order & reorder it.
I am so frustrated because I need this computer (I’m using a really old Toshiba laptop that barely runs right now) & I don’t want to deal with the order getting cancelled. Again.