well this one looks like shit

iwasapruneratfaverolles  asked:

PLEASE TELL THE CHILDREN THE STORY OF MS. STUBELS

Grace fuck, why would you invoke her name like that???

Okay, fine, gather round children, buckle up because we’re going on a bumpy ride back to everyone’s collective least favorite place: 7th grade.

Some background: I went to a very small Catholic school. One class per grade (we were the largest with 19 kids), everyone knew each other whether they wanted to or not. Despite basically every teacher and faculty members insistence that we were The Best And Most Special Class In The School and that everyone loved having us, the longstanding 7th grade teacher Mrs. O’Hara decided to retire in the summer of 2008, meaning the school had to find us a new teacher for the upcoming year. This would be like, the first new teacher in the school in a while, and as she was getting the ‘best class’, it was viewed as a Big Deal. Somewhere in like July or August we got a letter announcing Mrs. Stubel, and it came with a list of books to pick for the summer reading, and that was basically all the information we had.

So…the first day of class. She seems nice enough. Very…ditsy, I guess? It was very easy for her to get herself off topic while talking. She constantly paced around the room, never staying in one spot for longer than a second, complaining she has restless leg syndrome. Which like, I’m sure she did, but she was in the middle of introducing herself and then went on a 20 minute tangent about restless leg syndrome without anyone prompting her. It was almost like you could see her scattered thoughts flying around her head.

So anyone, she eventually gives somewhat of an introduction- she had only taught in public schools before, and kept worrying she ‘didn’t know’ how to teach in a Catholic school despite the entire class insisting literally nothing was different, you just teach the curriculum, twice a week we have religion class with Sister Mary King, that’s literally it (she still talked over us in worry), she told us about her kids, she told us about her obsession with Emily Dickinson, stuff like that.

And then she hands us this worksheet.

She’s like, “Oh, these are just some basic questions for you to answer! Just so I can get to know you guys better!” like in lieu of an icebreaker game, which is fine, but…the questions. The questions were all “What is your most haunting fear?”, “What is your deepest regret?”, “Have you ever experienced the pain of loss?”, “What was your worst injury?”, “What was your worst nightmare?”, all questions like that, and then on the back she wanted us to draw a gravestone and write out what we wanted our epitaph to be.

We were twelve year olds, mind you.

Oh my God and one girl missed the first day because of her grandmother’s funeral, so when she came the next day and saw what the teacher was insisting she do for homework, she almost had a panic attack? And the lady still made her do it? Literally who wants to think about death anymore at a time like that omfg.

Okay, so then we get to the summer reading book reports, right? Now, she had given a list of maybe, 20 books that you could pick from, read it, and then present an oral report on it. You had to have notecards and you had to be able to answer questions from the class at the end. All in all, I’ve had worse projects.

So, on this list, she apparently put Madeleine L’Engle’s entire book series on the list…only she did not make it known that this was a series and not multiple stand alone books, so when reports started up it caused mass-panic of kids trying to put together plot points and make connections on what the hell they had read.

I was the only kid in the class who had chosen to read “A Wrinkle In Time”, and that has since lead to a series of events that…really actually scares me, I’m still incredibly freaked out, I’m not going to get into it right now because it’ll take away from the current story, but just know that I’m not above wondering if it only happened because I read the book for Stubel.

Anyway, so like, I got through the report okay. The class asking questions about it was fine, but the teacher kept asking questions that didn’t make sense, like, at all. My friend Angie has always had super neat handwriting and Mrs. Stubel got like, obsessed with her notecards and asked if she could borrow them for something. When we got our grades back a few weeks later, Angie had points taken off for not having notecards.

And then her teaching just…didn’t happen. She’d never stay on a topic, she’d always get herself distracted! We were not learning anything. And like, this wasn’t a class of advanced smart kids that loved to learn. By all accounts we should’ve been thrilled. But it got out of hand. It got to points where we had to start teaching lessons to ourselves, asking teacher from other grades for help, always coming home in tears, complaining constantly to our parents and the principal because this woman wasn’t teaching us anything. There were two kids who asked her multiple times for extra help, and she told them each time to ‘talk to me after school’, but then she’d leave immediately after school so they wouldn’t be able to talk to her. They finally brought up the issue in the middle of class and she had a breakdown, yelling about how nobody ever thinks that maybe the teacher has a lot of work to do, and maybe she’s entitled to taking off early, but when we tried to argue she shouldn’t schedule meetings and then break them off in the name of relaxation, she stormed out of the room and tried to get the principal to give us detention. (Which, like, our school didn’t even do, and she was the only one in the wrong during this situation) We are still in September at this point, and already at least ten kids have parents considering transferring them to another school. (And remember, there was only 19 of us, and most of the class had been together since preschool, so that was a big deal).

Then, she starts coming in with all the weird bruises. All the Moms™ immediately started gossiping that her husband had to be beating her, and that’s why she was so screwy in the head. But the way she talked about her husband made it seem like he *might* be dead, and we actually did witness her fall and smack her head into a doorknob once, so no one really knew what to believe. (Also, I’m not trying to imply that abuse would make someone crazy or ‘damaged’ or anything, this is just what was being said. I think they were trying to turn her into a more sympathetic character, because if you feel sorry for her you don’t have to hate her for frustrating your kids so much, and Hate Is A Bad Emotion.)

Also…this woman and Emily Dickinson.

She talked about Emily Dickinson every chance she could get. None of us knew who Emily Dickinson really was before she got there and you could see in her mind it was a capitol offense. She found out the curriculum didn’t have room to cover her (because like, we had a text book), and was way too upset about it. She started reading her poems whenever she found the time (usually somewhere in history class), and always gave us very detailed accounts about her dressing up as Emily and reading her poetry at the library.

Now, two things to note here:

  1. The library did not hire her to do this. She would literally just get in the mood, put on an Emily Dickinson costume that she made by herself, drive to different libraries, and just read poetry out loud to everyone there until someone eventually asked her to leave.
  2. The way she described these events…her tone, the look on her face, her posture…you could just tell that she was getting some sort of sexual gratification out of this? Like dressing up as Emily Dickinson in public and reading her sad poems is really what got this lady’s jollies rocking? Got her all hot and bothered? Which is…a lot, but why would you tell a bunch of seventh graders about it holy shit. What about that sounds like a good idea! What about that turns you back on!

So anyway, we learned a lot about Emily Dickinson against our will.

One of the Davids™ was reading a book for pleasure- which shouldn’t have been a shocker, a lot of kids always had books on them, but Stubel got really interested and asked if she could borrow it from him. He was like ‘sure, after I finish it?’ but she took it that day. He asked her for it back for like five weeks straight.

And…the strudels.

Okay, so the school was trying some dorky thing to promote ~togetherness~ or some virtue or something, I don’t remember the specifics of why, but each class had to make a huge themed poster and hang it on the wall outside the classroom. Which was like, whatever, not the most thrilling project but at least it allowed us to be productive vs just sitting there as the teacher runs about the room rambling about her family vacation from four years ago. Mrs. Stubel decided we needed a quirky nickname and after like three days of deliberation we were christened “Stubel’s Special Strudels”!

(points for alliteration or whatever, but no one actually voted for that and what exactly do strudels have to do with Catholicism? It became a big running joke amongst the kids)

Also, in case you were wondering, she didn’t explain the assignment correctly to us- so every other class had like these beautiful, artistic, well-themed and put together posters, while ours was just…literally a bunch of shit thrown together on paper. Nothing fit with each other, it was literally embarrassing to look at.

But then…she wouldn’t drop the strudel thing. Like she kept bringing it up. She got really into strudels and would just tell us random shit about them. Finally, someone jokes that we should get strudels one day for a party (like instead of a pizza party), and she’s Freaking Out and On Board. She really wants to buy us strudels and have a breakfast party now. She talked about it for like two days straight.

So like… you know in school when you would have a pizza party, usually the teacher would buy it? That’s how they always happened in my experience (not counting the last day of 10th grade when some kid had pizza delivered to the school for lunch but it didn’t get there until math class lol). But especially in grade school? Like if it wasn’t a PTA made party that’s super organized, the school would buy the food, right? Right?

Yeah, so she was like, if this is happening you guys need to give me the money. Just give me the money and then I’ll pick them up on my way to work!! And after some arguing some kids are on board. Strudels should only cost a couple dollars right?

And she’s like, oh no, I’m gonna get them from this high end bakery near my house so it’ll be special, but they’re not cheap and it’ll be a big order! I’m gonna need like fifteen dollars from each of you!

And at this point I’m just like…lady. Come on. 

But she keeps insisting. She’s not gonna go until every student in class pays up.

And I’m like…I’m poor. I don’t even like strudel.  And some of the less-naïve kids are siding with me.

And then she pulls that “you guys are just spoiling all the fun for your classmates” shit, like the naïve kids who already paid up, so it gets to the point where we just gotta cave and give her the money.

(I ended up stealing it out of my Crazy Bitch Aunt’s wallet so it’s whatever, I guess.)

And then of course, shockingly enough, every morning she was met with “where are the strudels?” and every morning she went wide eyed, slapped her forehead and yelled in embarrassed horror “I totally forgot! Tomorrow, guys, I promise!”

Honestly, with how scatterbrained and confused she always was…like to this day I can’t tell you with 100% certainty whether she hustled us or was just actually forgetting about the damn pastries, I choose to lean towards the hustled us side because that’s just the type of people I’m used to, but if I found out it was innocent forgetfulness I wouldn’t exactly be surprised.

She couldn’t handle more than one person talking at a time. Like, we’d have break periods, or group work, or something and all the talking made her go wide-eyed and batty. She’d look overworked and anxious and would be darting around the room trying to do work or something but she couldn’t focus and she’d yell at anyone who tried to talk to her directly. I remember one time she was using this boys desk for something so he asked “where am I supposed to sit?” and she snapped “Sit on the ceiling for all I care!”. And this kid was the Class Clown™ , so he immediately grabbed a chair in one hand and started climbing the bookcase to try and reach the ceiling. She’s standing right next to this and doesn’t even notice. He got all four chair legs planted on the ceiling and was trying to somehow maneuver his way into the chair (I really don’t know what the plan was exactly- he was really tall and it was a small building, so I think he probably had the idea that if he can get his body upside down and in the chair, and stretch out his arms like a hand-stand to hold onto bookcase, he could arguably sit on the ceiling.) but he slipped. Crashed into my desk and the two desks next to me, knocked over the book case, broke the chair in half and hit the desks with enough force to knock them down lower. It was hilarious. Everyone was loosing their shit cracking up (he was fine) and it still took Stubel like five minutes to notice his lying out across the desks right in front of her eyes. She was pissed but how did she miss any of it in the first place? She was barely being helpful in whatever it was she was trying to do.

This was the year the Phillies were going to the World Series, and all the grades were having a Phillies Rally in the cafeteria so a news crew was coming to the school and each class was supposed to come up with fun little cheers for them to broadcast. Multiple cheer ideas were presented to her and she vetoed all of them, someone even suggested just singing the damn eagles theme song with replaced words and calling it a day but she vetoed that too, she was very adamant that she could come up with a cheer all by herself and it’ll be the best one (whoever had the best cheer was winning like an ice cream day or something idk). And then like…literally five minutes before the rally she just hands us signs with the letters and was like ‘we’re just gonna spell out Phillies it will be cute won’t it my strudels???’. We were the weakest class there, predictably. I think we lost to the kindergarteners. There might still be a video online of me yelling “ i “ passionately at the top of my lungs. It was online bc our cheer was so bland the news crew cut it out of the broadcast.

I literally can’t say enough about how she never taught us anything. She’d be going on some tangent about how she doesn’t understand the science behind skiing, and I’d be like “Okay yes but please can you just tell me where Romania is on a map???” And she’d start fights whenever someone actually wanted to learn. It was so easy to get her angry but so hard for her to stay on topic. Kids started teaching the class themselves! Like seriously, she’d be rambling and one of us would just go up to the podium, open the teacher’s guide textbook and just start reading out loud and talking over her. By the time she noticed we’d be halfway through a lesson. And we understood it better than when she tried! You know something’s wrong when pre-teens are more qualified for a job than an adult who supposedly went to school for this.

We were in the church having run-throughs for our upcoming Confirmation and she almost set the church on fire…fifteen different times. In less than half an hour. How hard is it to hold a candle?

Okay, and here’s when stuff starts kicking up. It was October 28th, a Tuesday, and it was our last day of school that week because they were having parent-teacher conferences the rest of the week. So we were just hanging out, watching movies in class and reading (lord knows we weren’t learning), and Stubel calls me over to her desk.

So like, she had given everyone little bags with candy for Halloween, but I get up there and she hands me an extra one. And she’s like “Molly I know your birthday is tomorrow and I bought you a present but I left it on my coffee table this morning by accident! So just have the candy for now!”

And I’m like….”Ma’am I’m like, the sixth birthday this year. You didn’t give anyone else presents?”

And she goes “Oh, I know but this is a special secret surprise. I just know you’re gonna love it! Do you wanna stop by my house later this week to pick it up or should I just give it to you Monday after school?”

And like…In writing this sounds like a non-threatening exchange, and like, it was, but I felt so uncomfortable holy shit. I’m looking over my shoulder and shooting my friends SOS signals. Something about this felt so weird in my gut omfg. I told her thanks and I’d just see her Monday.

So we flash forward to Wednesday- my 13th birthday, the day the Phillies won the world series, and also the day my mother innocently strolled into the school for her meeting only to be met with screaming, the sound of heavy destruction, and the school secretary Mrs. Daily running at her in a panic, waving her arms and yelling “YOUR MEETING IS CANCELLED YOUR MEETING IS CANCELLED GET IN MY OFFICE NOW!”

So my poor mother, who thought she could handle this whole meeting in a few minutes and barely be an hour late for work, is now barricaded in the front office with the school secretary, as the noises from down the hall get louder and louder. The woman explains that they had gotten so many complaints about Mrs. Stubel that this morning, when she got to the school, the principal Sister Patricia called her in and said “Listen, we need you to be professional and still have the parent conferences, but we have to let you go. We just don’t think you fit in well here, and the kids need to come first and feel comfortable in their school.” and like, I’m paraphrasing because I wasn’t there, but we all know she was very polite and professional about it.

Mrs. Stubel, however…was not.

She flipped her chair and stormed out of the office, and locks herself in the seventh grade classroom. She started wrecking the shit out of that place, screaming obscenities and the top of her lungs, they had to call the cops on her! She was locked in there for almost an hour! And let me just give you a nice little list of everything she did in that classroom:

  • Smashed three windows.
  • Threw everything off her desk and carved swear words all over it.
  • Got cleaning fluid that she knew would damage the chalk boards, smeared it all over.
  • Cracked the chalk boards by repeatedly smashing chairs against them.
  • Wrote swear words all over the walls and on desks
  • Went into students desks, ripped up their books.
  • Stole my glasses. (which were in my desk bc I only used them in class at the time)
  • Threw some desks around.
  • Carved swear words into the boards. (there was so much carving I’m assuming she just had a knife on her person, which has to lead to the question, did she have a knife on her while she was in class with us?)
  • Physically ripped the hooks to hang backpacks on out of the wall.
  • Knocked the closet door off it’s hinges.
  • Ripped up all the books in the bookcases and threw their pages all around the room.
  • Wrote lewd phrases inside student’s desks.
  • Broke multiple chairs.
  • Used her podium as a battering ram against the wall that’s in front of where the backpacks go. (the wall won but Damage Was Inflicted)
  • Set a fire in the trash can.
  • When the principal and other teachers started trying to get in, she tossed her rolling chair at the door to scare them off.
  • She was screaming curse words at the top of her lungs the entire time, and cursing the school and the kids and the principal and the church in general, and the school building was small, so all the parents and the smaller children that had to come to the meetings (who were locked in their respective classrooms in fear) heard everything.
  • So much more? But it’s 4:30 in this morning and this list is already long.

So my mom is in the front office and deadass the

entire police force

shows up, running down the hallway to the classroom yelling at her to stop, and it takes a while for them to get her out holy shit. They knocked down the door and she tried to escape out of one of the broken windows! But they got her and dragged her out.

So of course, in such a small school with very involved parents this shit spread like wildfire. The entire town knew within the day. The poor principal called the newly retired old-seventh grade teacher and was like “So we…need some help” and the lady was like “I already heard I’ll be there Monday” omfg. I remember I got a text from one of my classmates saying “if your birthday wish was for us to be set free from the beast I love you” omfg.

So, we eventually go back to school on Monday and everyone’s buzzing. The principal has us go to the cafeteria and she ‘delicately’ explains the situation, and that the old teacher is coming out of retirement for us, the school has a restraining order against Mrs. Stubel now and that she’s sorry we had to deal with this mess. Our classroom had to go under some heavy reconstruction before we could be let back in there, so for like two weeks we alternated between the cafeteria and the preschooler’s classroom, we had no books or anything, just provided loose-leaf paper and pens. It was like, surreal, but everyone was just so happy to be rid of her and to be in the presence of a competent teacher omfg. We eventually were able to get back into our usual classroom.

  1. It took a while for things to go completely back to normal, though. After the big spectacle she made, for weeks after she was fired we were all very scared of the possibility of Mrs. Stubel returning to the school with a gun in hand. It was always a topic we whispered about at lunch with wide eyes and shivers. Like…genuine nightmare scenario.
  2. About two weeks after she was fired, a boy in the back of the classroom gasped loudly during SSR, and when we all looked at him, he whispered in anger “She never gave us our freakin’ strudels!”
  3. About three months after she was fired, we were lined up at the door to go to Library when a few of us looked through the windows and saw something darting through the trees. It was fast and we couldn’t make anything out, so we let it drop. When the class and teacher returned half and hour later, the book she had borrowed months before from one of the boys was sitting on his desk. It was just laying there, the room was silent, nothing had been disturbed…but I have never seen a book look so threatening. People were freaking out. Someone kept insisting that she turned the book into a bomb. No one figure out how she got in the school, and no one could figure out how she got it on the right desk, as we had switched the seating arrangement since she had last been there.  
  4. A full six months after she had left, it was nearing the end of the school year and our class was dicking around during our last computer class. Someone found a website (that we weren’t allowed to be on) that pulls up any police records attached to whoever’s name you enter, so someone decided to search Mrs. Stubel as a joke. We ended up finding out she had like six DUI’s.

Aaaaand that’s the story of the horrendous teacher I had for two months in 7th grade. One of my favorite party stories but tbh she still haunts me™ .

rising signs when drunk
  • Aries: loud af, super fun, changes the music and dances by themselves, sometimes a bit of a dick (in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE), makes everyone dance with them, the one usually to come up with an idea to ride down a hill on some cardboard they found (SO FUN), probs will steal a sign
  • Taurus: probs drunk eating or hanging out in the kitchen, always on the look out for food or a snuggle, really well dressed and presented, super touchy and affectionate (often they're not super affectionate), SUPER giggly lmao, almost a mom-friend but if you're not a CLOSE friend they rly will not give a fuck, will very likely take off their clothes bc they feel so restricted
  • Gemini: giggly as hell, absolute SHIT talker, could probably win a debate with their confidence when drunk, tends to like run away, ditzy and off the planet entirely, somehow manages to talk with everyone at the party, doesn't really remember their names, accidentally flirty but only bc they are on their own level
  • Cancer: Super mom-friend if you're a close pal, will not give a fuck if you're not close, really loves food, tends to be super fun and captivating, really social and flirty, doesn't take it anywhere though so when it gets more than flirty they kinda just... leave that situation, can get offended rly quickly but also as quickly is laughing in the centre of the room
  • Leo: the organiser, lights up the party when they walk in, everyone is playing drinking games around them, always dressed on-POINT, laughs really loud, NEVER empty handed, always chatting to a group of people really animatedly, will find/swap clothes with someone by the end of the night, first one to get everyone to do shots for the night, forward rolls away from a bad convo, life of the party
  • Virgo: tries to look after everyone at first, makes sure they're comfortable, really sweet and caring, then gets absolutely smashed, talks shit and gets super direct, tells people they're wrong and corrects them in a hilarious way, doesn't shut up when they get started, makes sure everyone is super drunk and having fun, will be the one to hold back hair even if they just threw up
  • Libra: will touch EVERYTHING, super flirty and huggy, friends with everyone in a charming way, has control of the music ALWAYS and will complain when it's shit, somehow has everyone's details by the end of the night, HILARIOUS, talks really fast when they get excited, makes people chug their drinks and starts a chant off, usually ends up hooking up with someone at the end of a night
  • Scorpio: magnetic as hell, super dark and sarcastic at the beginning, cynical and observes, then decides who the fun people are at a party and gets LOOSE AS HELL, seductive and a smooth talker, will definitely bring someone home with them, gets someone's number, dances on the tables, sings/raps a song surprisingly perfectly, charming and witty, super funny
  • Sagittarius: omg life of the party with leo rising, does literally their own thing 100% of the time, gets on their own buzz entirely, makes a brand new friend group and runs off with them during the night, might just run off in general, makes a speech early in the night, makes the FUNNIEST jokes, can talk about politics and also absolutely nothing within the same conversation, always with a drink
  • Capricorn: witty and observant at first, then comes out of their shell and a completely different side to them emerges, will leave mid convo if it's boring, is sarcastic and loud, starts running around and somehow gets the energy of 5 billion condensed suns, gets really confident, speaks and laughs loudly
  • Aquarius: SOCIAL AS HELL, big arms and wild movements, always dresses so uniquely and cool, deeply involved in all drinking games, always ends up scoring more alcohol somehow (it's often given to them), takes a heap of selfies but immediately deletes them if they look slightly bad, will not ever stop talking
  • Pisces: absolutely wildly silly, laughing super hard on one side, and then mid-conversation sprints into another bc they like what they're talking about more, sometimes has a break where they suddenly get sad or mad, but then immediately reverts back to their cloud 9 state, gets a shitload of energy, meets everyone in the party and almost immediately forgets their name, always gets super drunk, passes out, wakes up and keeps going
Some hilarious writing prompts

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

*1. Do I look like I give a fuck?
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*2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.
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*3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.
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4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.
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5. A: Whar are you doing?
B: Avoiding.
A: Avoiding what?
B: Everything.
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*6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?
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*7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.
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8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.
    A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.
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9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world!
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10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.
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11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.
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12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.
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13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.
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14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.
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15. A: How do you make someone holy?
B: You beat the hell out of them.
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16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.
B: Not me, I’m important.
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17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.
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18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.
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19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.
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*20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.
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21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.
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22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.
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23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.
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24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
B: THanks.
A: You’re welcome.
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25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.
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26. A: What are you reading?
B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.
A: wHAT the fuck?
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27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.
B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.
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28. Man, how many eye contact until date?
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29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.
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30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on.
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31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?
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32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey.
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33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.
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34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.
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35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.
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36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.
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37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.
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38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.
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*39.A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.
B: That’s my right boob though.
A: Babe.
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40.Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.
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41.What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.
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42.I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.
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43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
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*44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.
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*45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.
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47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.
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48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.
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49.I ship me and that boat.
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50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.
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51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death.
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*52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!
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53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.
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54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit?
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55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

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56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

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57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

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58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad.

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59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

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60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

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61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later.

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62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

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63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

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64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

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65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

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66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

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67.A: I love you.

B: What if I got a bowl cut?

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68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

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69.I’m aggressively thibking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is?

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70.My opinion is no.

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71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

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72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

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73.Which is messier - my life or my hair?

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74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

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75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

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76.Read a girl who dates books.

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77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

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78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

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79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

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80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

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81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

/PART TWO/


/170715 ; a Temporary side note: please for the moment don’t send me requests with the numbers that have a (*). I’ve received so many requests with those, I’m starting to run out of ideas :D Thank you ! / - persuasivus

Warlock: “If you don’t get out of this city right now, my dinosaur friend will step on you!”

Paladin (currently polymorphed into a T-Rex): I give him like, a look just like “Uh, just friends?” and grumble a bit.

Warlock: “Well, you ARE a T-Rex right now!” I turn back to the guy and I’m like, “Well, this is my girlfriend.”

Paladin: I wave with one of my tiny arms.

2

Idris Elba photographed by Victor Demarchelier for Esquire, August 2017

I think my life is pretty well documented. If you look me up, you’re gonna find some shit. And that must be—not disheartening but discouraging for a journalist. Like, How the f—k do I approach this to get anything that no one else has read before? What is that approach?

8

We’re always trying to outdo ourselves, trying to do better, trying to write better songs. I think we want to inspire other people as well, so that’s what we’ll try to do through future songs. Joshua William Dun

Touches

Summary: After having a nightmare where he couldn’t save you, Bucky takes it upon himself to make sure you’re always safe. Based off a request sent in by @snuggleducky 

Word Count: 1,953

Warnings: None.

A/N: This is fluffy and cute. I hope you all enjoy it!

Originally posted by oursisthefvry


Cold sweat running down his face, Bucky flung the sheets off his body and staggered out of bed. Clutching his chest with his flesh hand, he let his nails dig into his bare skin, anchoring him to the present time. He blinked repeatedly, eyes quickly getting used to the darkness around him, the moon just barely peeking through the blinds.

Heart beating rapidly, he took a deep breath as he padded across the room and made a beeline to the kitchen. It was easy enough to pry open the refrigerator and grab a cold bottle of water. Bucky almost broke it as he tore the lid off and brought it up to his lips, gulping it all down within seconds.

He leaned against the kitchen counter using the heels of his hands, body curving slightly as he stretched, got his body used to being awake after being stuck in deep sleep, in a nightmare.

Keep reading

fanaticfandomfaun  asked:

I am a huge fan of your style! It's absolutely lovely! How long have you been drawing and how did you develop your own style?

 ive been drawing my whole life! (always an odd question for me bc like…. yall stopped drawing after kindergarten? what did you do all day??)

as for developing style, my biggest piece of advice is just! keep! drawing! its been a bit hard to follow my own advice lately because my depression keeps fucking up my motivation and for the first time in my life i just dont feel like drawing, at all, ever. but if youre having similar motivational issues or if youre just starting out and you just arent feeling satisfied with your art, dont give up! the less you draw the harder it will be! i have a personal policy (that i dont actually remember to follow) where even if i dont want to, even if i hate how it looks, i have to draw at least once a day every single day. i swear it will improve your work if you do this. its hard, i know, i havent been doing it, but follow my advice not my example! (honestly im the embodiment of that quote “I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.” by Lewis Carol)

the other piece of advise i have is honestly…… steal art. 

“gasp! but Kate,” you say, “stealing art is bad and wrong!!” you say, “i know because of all those ‘art theft is bad and wrong’ posts i reblog!”

look. thats not what im saying, im not telling any of you to try to pass anyone elses art as your own, or use other peoples art without their credit. dont to that its bad and wrong. what im saying is LOOK at other peoples art and copy what they do. copying other peoples art styles is how every artist has learned for centuries. i started out drawing myself as a powerpuff girl or as a pokemon character just like everyone else. hell, i used to straight up print out and trace drawings i found on deviant art, which is a perfectly viable way to learn styles (muscle memory) so long as you dont try to pass it off as your own work then honestly its not stealing.

for example recently i was trying to draw these cat characters i had come up with, and i could not for the life of me draw these cats they were just turning out so ugly,

so i was like “well fuck this, i just need to find a simpler style” and by some kind of MIRACLE, while i was looking up drawings of cats i stumbled across this one blog, daily cat drawings. and it was like, holy shit this is it this is the exact style i need to draw my cats in. so first thing i did was try to follow some of their drawings exactly, not tracing but the closest you can get by sight. 

this is one of dailycatdrawing’s drawings:

and this was my attempt to copy it:

after i felt like i kinda had it down i drew that athena. NOT based off of any one of dailycatdrawing’s pieces, but still using the basics of their style. after that i felt confident enough using this style to draw the rest of my cats and they turned out great! naturally i had to draw hermes again because i couldnt just use such a blatant copy of another artists work, and it turned out even better than before!

which proves my earlier advice about how every single time you draw youre improving! its also important to note that even if you try to copy an artists style exactly you will probably never have it perfectly, and thats a GOOD THING! because it means that you arent truly stealing someone elses work, youre just using it as an example of ONE WAY a drawing can be good. by paying attention to MANY artists styles you can use all of them together to make your own unique style! even trying to copy dailycatdrawing’s style to a T i still ended up using elements from other artists and my own experience to change the style just enough to make it personal. looking at hermes’ face you can tell ive unintentionally taken some inspiration from lackadaisy’s art style, another artist i really admire. 

this turned out way longer than i meant it to, sorry, i always get so caught up in explaining things when people ask for advice. hopefully this helped someone!

Same rogue that got insta-killed after taunting an Orc. We just got a job from a mob and the boss doesn’t trust us yet. Rogue is a Half-Orc, apparently in a tux.

Mob Boss: Well, maybe I should send some men with you.

Rogue: Well, these men are very manly and strong, but so am I, and I don’t think we need to have more than one masculine and tough man on the job.

Warlock (who is also a man): Hey!

DM: Roll Persuasion.

Rogue: Can I roll Deception? It’s higher-

Me: You’re going to DECEIVE the Mob Boss into thinking you’re MANLY?

Rogue: (Giggling) 21.

Mob Boss: Wow, you sure do seem like a manly man! I’ve never seen anything more manly than a Half-Orc in a Tuxedo! Look at those rippling muscles!

Bard: Uh, this was deception, not flirtation, right?

Rogue: (whispers) Manly.

  • <p> <b>James:</b> Lily, will you go out with me?<p/><b>Lily:</b> No.<p/><b>James:</b> Oh DEER, I guess I'll just have to go STAG.<p/><b>Sirius:</b> Well, I'm going alone too, because apparently I'm such a DOG.<p/><b>Remus:</b> Clearly nobody can handle my WOLFISHLY good looks.<p/><b>Peter:</b> Oh, RATS. Looks like we'll have to go MARAUDING instead.<p/><b>Lily:</b> *not amused* Wow, no one will ever find out about your illegal transformations into animagi, you're all way too sly.<p/><b>Sirius:</b> I think she's HOUNDing us for answers.<p/><b>Lily:</b> Please stop.<p/></p>
Skincare and Beauty Recommendations

For all you babes, I made a list of my must have stuff to look the best you can go scam an SD

 Body- Lush Ro Argan. This stuff is the bomb. It’s a body conditioner that smells like roses and honey. Smear that good stuff all over you and let it sit for five minutes. Wash it off and your body will be soft and smooth, no other products needed. I’ve used this stuff for five years and every person that gets a whiff of it compliments me. Guys go crazy for this scent, especially in the bed room downtown haha.JUST GET IT! You get a shower and body cream in one! 

Face Cream- Laneige Water Bank Cream. This shit makes my face look like it’s been kissed by an angel. So dewy and soft! I feel like I look much younger when I apply this because it hydrates so well. Perfect to use if you want something that traps the moisture in your face and is lightweight. I’ve noticed the dehydration wrinkles I had around my eyes and mouth have diminished. My makeup goes on like a dream after I apply this. 

 Face- Kojic acid soap. I use this soap for my uneven skin tone and acne spots. I barely wear foundation because it cleared up my clogged pores and hyperpigmenation. Dirt cheap off Amazon. Haven’t had a major breakout since I used this the past 3 years. 

 Perfume- Tom Ford private Collection comes in 12 scents. With mainstream brands, I feel like ALL WOMEN’s FRAGRANCES smell the same and give me a headache. Too sweet, floral, romantic, too much alcohol, etc.Now, this collection ain’t cheap, so, get a sample from your local department store. They give it to you in a cute vial and box and the sales associates are super knowledgeable about scents. THIS STUFF LASTS A LONG TIME! I wear the Tobacco Vanille all year round. Literally, this scent is my confident booster, I smell unique and luxurious! And the scent projects like a beast, so a 4 ML sample will last you cause all thats needed is a small dab for the day!  I used to buy decants off eBay to save £££ until I got me a SD to buy me the 100 ML hehe.

 Sunscreen- Elta SPF 40. This stuff is the best sunscreen on the market and all the dermatologists I’ve seen recommended it. No white cast and absorbs into skin fast, it’s also super moisturizing! 

 Hair- Bumble Bee Invisible Oil. If you have frizzy, dry, damaged, natural, thick hair, this SHIT IS THE BOMB. This is the only product that works on my hair when I wear it curly and straighten it. It does the job, smells great, and my hair looks so glossy and healthy….best of all it doesn’t weight my hair down or feel greasy. 

 Mascara- Lacome Hypnose is the only thing I use on my lashes in the past six years. I will NEVER STRAY from Lacome’s mascara products. It makes my eyes look amazing and it’s easy to take off at night. Don’t like the other brands like Benefit or Too Faced which are hard to remove at night.

 Makeup Remover- Clinique Take Off the Day Balm. Your makeup literally will melt off when you wash your face with this! I used so many different brands from wipes to oil to alcohol and none of them worked as well as this. 

 Lipstick- Nars Velvet Lip Pencil in Bahama is the best nude/rosy color out there for all girls IMO. I use the Train Bleu colour (quite vampy) when going out at night and always got compliments! Because it’s a jumbo pencil lippy, you can line your lips easily and fill it in! Lasts all night! Taylor Swift uses their Dragon Girl  shade as her signature red colour according to the makeup artist that showed me.! Best secret lippies around!

 Foundation- Giorgio Armani Luminous Silk is a game changer. My skin looks radiant, dewy, and natural which no other foundation has given me. Everyone raves about it and I wish I listened earlier and quit wasting my money at MAC and Estee Lauder.

Concealer- Nars Creamy Radiant Concealer- If you don’t like wearing foundation, this concealer is all you need then. It hides my dark eye circles and any redness on my face like a PRO. Comes with a wand so you don’t need to use anything else when applying it!

Scavenger Hunt

Stiles/Derek, T, 2500 words, Meet Cute AU

Written for the following prompt:

“i picked up your bag at the airport but i can’t find your number so i’m about to embark on the largest scavenger hunt of all time by using your strange belongings to track you down” au

“Honey, I’m home!” Stiles calls out as he wrestles his roll bag over their entry mat.

“That’s still not funny,” Scott says, without looking up from his textbook.

“Once again, we disagree.”

Scott snorts. “How was the trip?”

“Fine,” he says, plopping down right in the middle of the living room to start unpacking. “Typical conference. Some sessions were actually interesting, most were boring as shit.”

Scott hums, already absorbed again in his reading. Stiles reaches for the zipper on his suitcase but then freezes—this is definitely the same brand as his suitcase, but he doesn’t remember this extra zippered pocket on the top.

“Oh, shit.”

“What?”

Stiles grimaces. “I’m pretty sure this isn’t my suitcase. Goddamn it.”

Scott finally looks up, frowning. “Shit, really? How’d you manage that?”

“It was a redeye,” Stiles says, running a hand through his hair. “I was exhausted, in fucking LaGuardia, and I was just trying to get out of there as fast as humanly possible.”

“Is there a name on it? Are you sure it’s not yours?”

“Pretty sure,” Stiles says, feeling around the sides for the pocket. He sighs when he pulls out the little card and sees that it’s blank. “Motherfucker. This is definitely not my suitcase because I’m actually smart enough to put my name on it.”

“Sorry, man,” Scott says sympathetically as Stiles falls back on the rug with an anguished groan.

“What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

“Open it,” Scott suggests. “Maybe there’s something with their name on it.”

Stiles fiddles with the zipper. He’s nosy as hell, in general, and normally he’d be jumping at the chance to rifle through someone else’s personal belongings. But… 

“What if there’s like, dead bodies in there or something?” he asks, and Scott just stares at him for a second. Stiles rolls his eyes—that’s a perfectly valid concern. Or maybe he watches too many police procedurals, whatever. “Okay, fine.”

Stiles holds his breath as he slowly unzips the suitcase, but nothing happens when he lets the top part flop back onto their crappy, threadbare rug. There’s a Dodgers hat on top, and Stiles grimaces. “Well, they have shitty taste in baseball teams.”

He sets the hat carefully aside and keeps digging. The person is neat, whoever they are, because everything is folded, and all the dirty clothes are even all contained in their own zippered bag. At first glance, there’s nothing too out of the ordinary—phone charger, American Gods, Calvin Klein briefs. Fancy, he thinks. There’s a monogrammed leather toiletry bag (DSH, he commits those initials to memory), and he pokes through it.

“I’m gonna make an educated guess that it’s a guy.”

“Why’s that?” Scott says, finally looking somewhat interested in this mystery.

Stiles holds up an electric razor. “And that he’s maybe not totally straight,” he says, brandishing a little bottle of lube that’s about three-quarters full.

Scott rolls his eyes. “Lots of people use lube.”

“Yeah, but do you travel with it?” Stiles counters, and Scott sighs.

“No,” he admits. “Did you find anything with his actual name on it?”

“Not yet,” Stiles says absently. He continues to rifle through the bag until he’s pretty sure he has his plan of attack. “Okay. I’m gonna find out who it is,” he says with a determined nod, and Scott frowns.

“How? This is New York City! There are literally millions of dudes here.”

“It’ll be like a real-life scavenger hunt,” Stiles says dreamily, ignoring Scott as he carefully lays his three chosen items out on the coffee table. “This is awesome.”

Keep reading

Nursey is so wrapped up in saying goodbye to the graduating seniors that he doesn’t notice Dex and Bitty disappear until Chowder pokes him in his ribs with a grin. “You’re gonna pretend to be surprised, right?”

Nursey is already surprised, and confused, but doesn’t say so.

When they get back to the Haus half an hour later, taking the long route at Chowder’s insistence, everything looks the same as it always does. That is until Nursey makes his way up to Lardo’s old room, determined to figure out what he’s apparently supposed to already suspect.

“Shit,” Dex curses when he spots him. “Uh, hey? Fuck. I mean. What’s up, Nurse?”

Nursey blinks several times in quick succession, but the image of Dex in the middle of hanging custom bookshelves on the back wall of their soon-to-be-shared-bedroom while surrounded by at least five of Nursey’s favorite baked goods doesn’t go away. “…I literally don’t even know where to start, bro.”

Dex’s head drops down with a beleaguered groan. There’s a number two pencil stuck behind one ear and a hammer hanging from one of his belt loops. It’s a good look on him.

“Not that I’m complaining,” Nursey adds.

“You weren’t supposed to know I installed this,” Dex mutters, eyes trained on the floor.

“And the pies?”

“That was mostly Bitty. I only made one of them.“ Dex shrugs a shoulder stiffly. "Well. One and a half.”

“And did you make me shelves too?”

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(Context, we use Wild Magic pretty heavily in our game, making the odds a bit higher than normal)
Warlock: Ok, I roll to intimidate the ‘Mysterious Creature’ in the corner. *rolls Nat 1*
DM: Ok, that’s looking like a wild magic roll if I’ve seen one. Roll a d100… Well it looks like your age has unnaturally regressed by 10 years, let’s see if that intimidated the creature. *rolls a Nat 1* Ok, so apparently the creature is absolutely terrified of age regression and cowers in fear, immediately letting you pass.

@the tower of joy
  • Lyanna Stark: *dying* Ned, please promise me you'll take care of him
  • Ned Stark: *holding little baby Jon* I promise Lya
  • Lyanna: You know Rhaegar probably would have wanted to name him something Targaryen sounding, like Jaeharys or Aemon or something...
  • Ned: Jaeharys is okay I guess-
  • Lyanna: But fuck that bitch, my baby's name is Jon

It is never too late to be evaluated for ADHD.

If you look at lists of symptoms/checklists intended for adults and have that moment of “oh shit, that’s me,” get evaluated. 

Just because one doctor/psychologist/therapist/school counselor told you once that you don’t have ADHD because ______ doesn’t mean they were right. (Especially if you’re smart, good at school, or do well when tested–people who don’t know ADHD very well might try to tell you that you don’t have it. They could be wrong.)

Trying medication is worth it. And it’s never too late to try!

The right medication is like having glasses, but for your brain. It doesn’t cure anything, but makes it so you can function more like someone who doesn’t have ADHD/bad vision. 

Stimulant medications in particular have been in use for nearly a hundred years now. Taken as prescribed they have an excellent safety record. If they caused problems long-term we would know by now. 

Finding the right medication/dosage is not always easy. Don’t give up because you try one medication and don’t like it. Tell your provider what you did and didn’t like about it and ask to try something else. 

(That said, many side effects are temporary. Again, talk to your provider.)

If you have ADHD, the right medication can significantly ease your depression and/or anxiety. It will also make all of your current coping methods for your ADHD much, much easier.