well one of the parts at least

we-are-one-and-all asked:

7, 14, 19 and 24 :)

Oh, wow, thanks all for these responses - I truly was not expecting anything from all of this! I’m kind of tired, so I hope this is all coherent but I’m looking forward to starting this - even if my browser did just close this tab without checking with me first. ¬_¬

This time I’m doing it in Word, where I have an autosave function! ;P

1.      What kind of system are you? We are a trauma based, diagnosed DID system.

2.      How many parts are there? 20 that I know of, this includes several fragments and one part who has not existed for 8 years.

3.      Who’s the biggest trouble-maker? Intentionally, Ashe, I think. Unintentionally however, April.

4.      Talk about discovering you’re plural. Well, I think there have been signs since early childhood. As my mum and at least one of my siblings also dissociate, various symptoms of dissociation, derealisation and depersonalisation were normalised. There was awareness of something being different throughout the teen years – altered states of self for different circumstances and with them, memory gaps. Various abusers had always told the host at the time that we were stupid, forgetful, crazy and lying, so it was presumed normal. It wasn’t until a deeply painful time in 2012, when memories and huge chunks of internal awareness suddenly flooded into conscious awareness. It was a distressing and confusing time but between then and early 2015 when I finally accepted the diagnosis. I still waver frequently and doubt a lot, but I’m now trying hard to and doubt I will ever step back fully into denial.

5.      Are there any intra-system relationships? I don’t know if this means like romantic relationships or linked relationships internally. If it’s romantic, then no. If it’s linked, then there are many. The most obvious ones are Little Kat and Big – Big’s her guardian. Ben and Big are siblings. Ashe and Kai are siblings. There’s some strong connection between Kas and AJ, Ben and the Forward Unknown, and probably others too but these are the most strong ones – or the ones that I know about at least.

6.      Does anyone have a really strange/egregious taste in music, fashion? No, not really. We dress in comfy, practical, pretty much unisex clothing which avoids problems for most (not all) parts. As for music – I don’t know what the cool kids are listening to these days, but we’ve never been one to go with the flow. I like soundtracks , classical music, contemporary classical jazz, blues, indie, rock, some pop, some punk, some metal, some rap, some club, some most things to be honest. Ashe particularly likes emo, rock, punk, pop-punk and that sort of thing, though I don’t dislike it, even if it bothers me after a while. I think many parts are too preoccupied with other things to worry too much about music, or maybe I just don’t know a lot. I find some weird videos in my youtube history, but so far haven’t found too much out of the ordinary in our music collection.

7.      Who doesn’t get along? April and everyone. Katheryn and most parts.

8.      Is anyone nonhuman or out-sourced/fictional? Either Little Kat or Big himself, has the ability to make him turn into a huge wolf-dog - I get the impression she could turn him into anything but she’s only ever chosen that – that I’m aware of. Kas is (internally) not human and is a Seraph – a kind of guardian angel warrior, but she was banished because she slept with two humans (albeit more than a millennia apart), she has a huge 36+ft wingspan and is virtually invincible and can withstand just about any pain (the only way to kill her is to rip her heart out of her chest and break it). She has the appearance of an approximately 19 year old female – in our body, and externally she realises that we are human and have many limitations.

. I can’t believe I forgot the Forward Unknown – they’re a giant entity that always watches and is always ready to protect us. The Forward Unknown is kind of like a human shaped galaxy, it is sentient and has consciousness but doesn’t communicate in any sense other than enveloping us in it’s mass.

9.      Talk about the good traits of the one who’s hardest on themselves Ok, so I’m possibly the part with the most hate for themselves, with the exception of ?1 (whom I’m temporarily calling Blue). Blue is struggling with a hell of a lot, I don’t know too much about her but she’s holding so much hurt, guilt, shame and pain. I think she’s very strong to be able to hold even a fraction of what she’s holding, but at the same time some of the guilt she has doesn’t belong to any of us – she didn’t do those things, abusers did and their guilt is theirs (if only it were that easy).

10. Collectively, (or generally) what’s your gender identity? I guess probably genderneutral/agender. I am female and am largely not at odds with my gender but am not attached to it in any way either. I don’t feel female, but I don’t feel not female. I dress and behave gender neutrally – it’s just easier all around. Many parts are agender, and most parts are ok presenting as agender.

11. How do you communicate with each other? Poorly. Sometimes writing, some times drawing, sometimes through other people relay stuff back to me, sometimes through dangerous and wreckless behaviour of parts attacking the body. There is a lot of head noise most of which is unintelligible. I’m able to decipher small amounts of it (maybe around 10-15%) but I’m still largely clueless.

12. Is anyone really good at cooking? or is someone really bad at it? Usually, if I’m not around to cook, I’m not around to eat. There have been a few culinary nightmares, but I don’t know who was responsible for them. I think one part (not sure who) only ever cooks microwavable stuff (bleugh) and Ashe rarely eats anything except sandwhiches (and pizza but that’s more inside).

13. Talk about how age works in your system Numbers, some are greater this means older, some are less this means young. Kai actively slides dependent on stressors and triggers between 8 and 11, a few other parts have slid around in the past but don’t now. The only other anomalies are Katheryn who used to be two years older than the body (until 17, where she stayed eighteen) and then jumped to 27 and has stayed there ever since; Him who is presumably the same age as my father was during the abuse, except none of us know what that was so it’s 37-39ish; lastly I guess me, I’m the host now, but I still feel stuck at 24.

14. Who’s the youngest? who’s the oldest? Ahh, at last an easy one! April is the youngest at 4 and Him is the oldest at around 37-39

15. What’s something you all like to do together? Dissociating..? I guess maybe all parts could watch a kids film or something, but even if some parts could, they don’t always join in because they’re otherwise preoccupied. Maybe we just don’t have that kind of awareness. Maybe it happens and I have no idea. Who knows!

16. Talk about those moments you can’t decide what to do because everyone near front wants to do something else I literally freeze up and wait for it all to be over. If I’m able to, I do whatever I want, or if what they want is reasonable, I do that in the hopes that that gives me a bit of extra time for when it might not be ok to switch. (as if I have that kind of control!)

17. Who’s the front hog? Who haven’t you heard from in a long time? Well, I guess the “hog” would be the Forward Unknown, who is always out, and exists in front of everyone, rolling back into us in times of crisis, enveloping and dwarfing us until we exist as just a tiny human shaped star in the void. But I wouldn’t count them as they’re more of an entity. Kai is out most other than me. Katy was the original host, but hasn’t been around since a week or two before the body turned 18.

18. Who’s been there the longest? Katy, Katheryn and LK somewhat make up the idea of an “original”. The Forward Unknown also always with us as well.  So I guess otherwise, April.

19. Collectively (or generally) what’s your sexual and/or romantic orientation? Pansexual.

20. Talk about something nice a part has done for another Kai frequently cooks and does as many forms of self-care as possible to help all of us. LK draws for parts occasionally. I recently repaired Kai’s necklace. Things like that I guess, but it’s rarely so linear.

21. Is anyone nocturnal? No. Though the Forward Unknown and to varying degrees, Big and Ben are always vigilant.

22. Who seems to be the best at keeping the peace? Kai and Ben. Kai does it naturally – don’t ask me how, it’s a miracle. Ben enforces a set of protective rules and strategies to help us be as stable as possible.

23. Talk about a plural friend! Well, I guess I’ve not really made many plural friends – that I know properly or well enough to call friend with any kind of gravity, even if I do recognise them and think of them in a positive way. I know it sounds pretty bad, but I have a hard enough time remembering our names, let alone the names of other parts of other systems – I worry I’d cause offense. The first multiple I ever knew about was ourpeanutgallerie, god knows how I stumbled onto their youtube videos, but it was only a few months after awareness had exploded, though I still didn’t believe we could have DID, their videos were somewhat of a port of sense in a storm of confusion. Several years on, I can see why and am intensely grateful for that, I can’t comprehend and therefore struggle to relate to some of their traumas but at the same time, there’s huge parts I do understand. It lead me to the community on tumblr and has meant I read and occasionally engage with other systems. It also made some of this not seem quite so crazy and helped me be able to accept that we’re we. sonderdog is someone who I’ve had a few messages on posts with and I relate to a lot of their posts. Also multiplicityandme was the first to welcome us to tumblr, thank you very much! 

24. Does Brain Stuff seem to be all the same across the board, or does it vary between all of you? If by brain stuff you mean opinions, no there’s huge amounts of variation. It causes much internal noise and external issues too. If you mean something else, I don’t know what you mean.

25. if there’s a primary fronter, are they able to visit headspace? I am the host so I don’t think that counts – I can’t visit inside. Kai who’s out most other than me, can and does. The Forward Unknown who’s out all the time technically has a room that somehow they’re contained with inside, even though they’re outside. It’s very confusing.

26. Who’s the big thinker? Probably me. I think and overthink everything. If not me, then probably Blue (?1), but that’s totally different stuff. Though I suppose Lost is a never-ending stream of questions – this is somewhat of an inside joke, sorry – Lost is stuck asking questions albeit the same ones, over and over and over. They can’t get out of that, they’re a fragment.

27. Have you ever thought someone external picked up on you having DID? Yes, aside mental health people, ambulance staff, police, hospital staff etc. People at school to a small extent. Various family members. Some of my sibling’s friends’ who know my by a few different names. Abusers.

28. Talk about how you switch. It varies. Usually from triggers, positive and negative. I’ve heard about eye-lid fluttering and eyes rolling back. But also shudders/shivers in. Staring off into space and it just happens. Sometimes all suddenly like being hit by an invisible wall.

29. Is someone a big flirt? how about a smooth-talker? AJ is definitely a flirt. Kas is not so much flirty but more sexually aggressive. I don’t know about smooth talking.

30. In terms of personal growth, who’s come the farthest? April, I think.

31. Who’s the cutest? (TRICK QUESTION, you all are) Little Kat is!

can certain salty people shut the fuck up and admit the REAL reason you hate that emma is in a gorgeous dress is because you’re actually just a sexist, misogynist asshole who can’t find a reason to hate CS. because her being in a dress doesn’t make her less badass and no one cares if you miss season 1 emma. lmao sorry you’re so against character development and that y’all are pressed emma is with hook and not your fav =)))

Back To School Tip 2: Classes

Hey guys Bryce here again! I wanted to say thx a lot for giving 70+ notes on the blog I put up yesterday evening, and it was my first blog and first day having Tumblr!💙 Well Let’s see if we can beat the last one! So here are the next parts of Back to school tips; Classes. nobody likes having classes with people they don’t like! Or mean teachers! Or just period! lol so here are some tips to survive the school year.

Tip 1: Never sit next to someone you know your not gonna get any work done with, and if u do, make sure u use the “balance out” trick. (Have at least 2 people u can get work done with, and 2 that u can talk to so u get the best of both worlds)

Tip 2: If your in a class with a mean teacher make sure you are nothing but nice to her, teachers will notice she’s just picking on people, so u won’t be the bad seed just be the bad apple.

Tip 3: If you really hate a class, ask as many questions as u can. The more questions the less class catch my drift. (But u have to pay attention most I the time this won’t work everyday)

Hope these 3 tips helped stay tuned for more.


So there’s a bunch of period-related posts on my dash, so I figured I might as well share these:

These are Party In My Pants pads, aka PIMPs, and they’re one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.

1. You can fold them up and store them in your purse, backpack, or maybe even a pocket (depends on the size). They’re entirely self-containing. 

2. They come in tons of adorable patterns. Sharks, dinosaurs, flowers, unicorns- you name it, you can probably find it. 

3. They’re washable, and the best part? You can toss them in with a regular load of clothing, and nothing- I repeat, nothing- gets bloody. (At least, that’s never happened to me.)

4. Unless you wash them five times consecutively, or wear them for too long, they’ll never leak.

5. They come in several sizes, from the thong liner to the Queen pad, and each has a different absorbency level. With the Queen pad, your underwear are fully protected; you can even lie down safely.

6. You won’t have to worry about making fellow public restroom users think you’re eating fruit snacks on the toilet- the only noise these make is a gentle click (the metal snaps).

7. You can get a free small pad when you first start up an account- a test run, if you will.

8. Last time I ordered some, I got free dark chocolate with my order.

9. They’re crazy durable; unless you’re using them for blowtorch target practice, they’ll rarely betray you.


11. They range from ten to twenty dollars in price, and while that might seem pricey for something you’re going to bleed all over, remember: they’re reusable. You can wash them, and they last for years.

Check out the website here and get partying.

Fic Rec

So, today I want to rec some fics that I am currently loving. They are Ereri/ Riren and some have tw so make sure to read all the tags. I don’t know what to say, the fics are just wonderful, well-written and the authors are really talented.

Eren Jaeger is a college student studying for a degree in marine biology while working in the stickleback lab at his university. He dreams of researching and exploring the deepest parts of the ocean. His favorite food is free food. He does all of his papers at the last minute. He loves pizza. He has a serious caffeine addiction. He’s just a normal happy-go-lucky twenty-one year old.The only problem is that his sister is a superhero.

And he’s every supervillain’s favorite target. 

Levi is a scout, and protects his village day and night from feral yokai, demon like creatures who feast on human flesh.  When the chieftan of his village is killed by the beasts, Levi’s father takes over, putting him next in line to lead his people.  All Levi wants to do is watch over Mitras with his blade, fighting along side his teacher, who he has been in love with all his life.  When he discovers that Erwin is getting married, he heads off into the woods alone to drink and slay demons, trying to forget.  He never expects to summon from the darkness a yokai of his own.

Basically the one with thousands of words of Eren and Levi crushing like crazy on each other, and being absolutely freaking ridiculous together, and slowly falling in love against the backdrop of modern-day Vancouver.

This is a story about werewolves.Mainly.Werewolves and college and that one guy who threatened me that one time. You know, the one with the grey eyes and the constant scowl? Yea, him I can’t seem to stay away from. Call me suicidal.

The last thing Levi wants is charity. But a sugar daddy? That doesn’t sound too bad.

Eren is one of the few Alphas who go into rut without the presence of an Omega in heat nearby, and after suppressing it for nearly two years, the drugs are no longer working.  As a last resort he heads to an Omega refuge, hoping to find a suitable, but temporary, mate.  When he finds one lost in a fatal ‘red heat’, he’ll do whatever it takes to ease his suffering.

Note to self: do not listen to brain.

Note to self: do not fall for short man wielding a gun.

Keep reading

EXCLUSIVE: Emily Ratajkowski Talks About The Body That Made Her Famous

Emily Ratajkowski was, at least at one point, the most talked about woman on the planet, following her appearance in Robin Thicke’s controversial ‘Blurred Lines’ music video.

Well, she’s back in the spotlight again and this time she’s on the big screen, having landed herself a starring role alongside Zac Efron in the party movie We Are Your Friends.

This isn’t Ratajkowski’s first movie part. She had a supporting role as Ben Afleck’s girlfriend in Gone Girl, of course, but this is her debut as lead actress.

We sat down with Emily, ahead of the London premiere, to talk about the film and MUCH more.

She gave us the lo-down on what exactly she does to keep THAT body in tip top shape, plus she reveals which celebrity she’d most like to throw down with at a party.

Check it out!

Are you excited to see Emily in We Are Your Friends? Let us know by tweeting @YahooStyleUK!

[Image Credit: REX FEATURES]

Trent and Claire|| dinner disaster

Trent sat in his office chair, finally ready to leave to go to dinner with Claire. In truth the doctor was quite nervous, was this a date? After all she had been the one to offer to take him out, so he couldn’t really tell. Part of him hoped it was, a large part of him. The pair had agreed to meet at the clinic, and walk to where they were going together.

He was concerned, what if tonight didn’t go well? What if he fainted from his concussion? He felt fine, other than his heart rate shooting out of control. He really hoped that tonight would go well. He had tried, he’d at least attempted to do something with his hair, whether it had worked or not, his nurse would be the decider.

He got up from his seat when he heard the door go, not wanting to rush in case he suffered from vertigo. He quickly adjusted his usual tie and hoped for the best. What if he was too dressed up? What if he wasn’t dressed up enough. He tried not to panic as she entered the room. “H-hey, you ready?”

Fic Rec

All According to Script by PurpleButtons0203

The Sawada family was a strange bunch.

On the day of their first and only child’s birth, the couple had taken one look at their son’s beautiful orange eyes and wild, fluffy brown hair, and had burst into tears. Most had thought it to be the joy of new parenthood, but that assumption was quickly and violently ripped apart when Nana had wailed “Oh kami, he’s a main character!”

Look I know I don’t usually do this and honestly I’m not supposed to. I’m studying. But. 

There’s only one chapter but please at least read it to the end. The end is the best part

This is a beautiful story that’s in the progress. A very nice sense of humor and while there are a few mistakes here and there it’s totally unnoticeable. And, well, the first chapter set a really nice tone to it. 

Of course, my sense of humor is questionable at best but yeah. Tsuna kind of feels like Tsuna there, but he’s more or less, well, tired. Snarky and tired and wonderful. 

I have absolutely no energy (spent the weekend in the sun paddleboarding, including a good part of this morning), So I just needed a few minutes to do nothing. Thanks to scarvesandcelery​’s amazing weekly metas that follow ATLA, I decided to rewatch The Great Divide.

Keep in mind, this was one of my least favorites. And like…it’s kind of good. Even when it’s clearly a slow, filler episode, it’s just an amusing show. The playfulness between the characters was so well-constructed from the start. 

I think with LoK, a large part of the issue was that it took the characters to really fall into the roles that made the most sense to them, and I’m sorry to say, but the hamfisted romances of the first two books seem to be the culprit. I’ve talked before about how the romances in ATLA felt incredibly contrived, but it was never in a way where they totally overshadowed personalities. LoK was like…fighting against who the characters wanted to be in a way to shove them into the love triangle role (or the love trapezoid for that one episode). 

Which is why A Breath of Fresh Air truly lives up  to its name. It really marked the tonal shift in LoK where they let the characters lead.

Just some ramblings.

American boys of Japanese ancestry read comics during their incarceration by the U.S. government at Tule Lake Relocation Center. On 19 February 1942, President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued Executive Order 9066, authorizing the Secretary of War to prescribe certain areas as military zones which allowed regional military commanders to designate “military areas” from which “any or all persons may be excluded.” This power was used to declare that all people of Japanese ancestry were excluded from the entire West Coast, including all of California and much of Oregon, Washington and Arizona. Between 110,000 to 120,000 people of Japanese ancestry who lived on the Pacific coast were forcibly relocated and incarcerated in camps in the interior of the country. These edicts included persons of part-Japanese ancestry as well. Anyone with at least 1/16th Japanese ancestry (equivalent to having one great-great grandparent) was eligible for forcible detention. 101 babies and toddlers of Japanese ancestry were also taken from orphanages and foster homes and placed in internment camps. Following the end of the war with Japan, former inmates were given $25 and a train ticket to their prewar places of residence, but many had little or nothing to return to, having lost their homes and businesses. Tule Lake Relocation Center, Newell, California, U.S.A. 1 July 1942. Image taken by Ansel Adams. 

The Needs of the Many ...

I took a quiz the other day to see which candidate I would most identify with. I was fairly certain which it would be even before I took the quiz, but I did it anyway just in case I was wrong. I wasn’t. I didn’t always agree with this candidate, but then no one always agrees with anyone, even their wife or husband. However, I agreed with this person 96% of the time. That was a heck of a shock to me. I can’t think I have ever agreed with any candidate that often before. The only real differences I have apparently are in foreign affairs where I tend to be a little more defense minded and less pro-Israel. Well, at least as far as it concerns their current administration that seems to want to make itself part of our own government, and we part of it.

            If you haven’t already guessed, the quiz said I had a strong affinity for Bernie Sanders. That probably isn’t much of a shock to anyone who has read much of what I have written, but it would come as a shock to some in my family. They have always sort of seen me more as a rugged individualist, despite knowing my views on things. I have never understood why they would think that. Just because I was forced to do many things on my own and succeeded because of perseverance - and let’s not lie - a system bias toward white men, I would still support programs that would be beneficial to the greater good of all of us. I have members of my family who are the hardcore Tea Party types who would use me as an example of what you can accomplish through hard work and dedication. In fact they even trotted out my story a time or two when I was around just to prove to other people that anything is possible if you “work hard enough.”

            Of course, they neglect to tell these people my beliefs or what it cost me to get through those hard times. Living out of the back of a mail truck just after high school when I didn’t have any money. Working two full time jobs to put myself through college. Losing my first wife to divorce because I didn’t spend enough time with her because I was too focused on getting that education I was always told would make my life so much better. Spending a year in the bottle after that because I didn’t know exactly how to cope with it. Still and all, I kept going, because that’s what we do. Despite all of that, I obtained my degrees, and I was never able to get a job in those fields. I didn’t let that stop me. I’m an American after all, and we persevere. I worked this job and that until I finally landed a job that paid a decent wage. By the time I started getting really ill it was paying nearly $20 an hour and I was able to really start paying off the debt I had accumulated in the intervening years. This is the point where my Conservative family usually drop my history and say I was the best, because at this point I made the worst decision possible. I left this job that was about to go under, just before the recession hit. Like many others I was a casualty of the recession, and it hit me two-fold as my own illness took over.

            Sorry for the personal history, but it is sort of relevant in this way. People always want to assume that someone who lives this sort of life are a rugged individual type. They made it on their own and they must believe in that mantra. To me that is utter BS. I don’t know exactly why but I have always believed that the group is greater than the one. Maybe it is because I was raised by military parents and lived in a military household which stresses the group over the individual. I Had a little sister and I was always told to take care of her no matter what happened. I didn’t always like it, and I’ll admit I wasn’t always the best older brother, but I did care for her.

            When I was young we didn’t have much. Most people around us were in the same situation so often we came together and shared what we had. Individually we may not have had much, but together, we had more than enough. That is a powerful lesson when you are a child. Cousins, uncles, and distant family would often come together and have a meal or share something. Community was always reinforced as I was growing up. When I was twelve and thirteen I spent nights at my step-grandmothers just in case she might ever need something. Usually she just needed me to get her a cigarette, her nightly beer, and change the channel to her televangelists. I still can’t stand those guys, but that is another story.

            The point is our family and our community was stronger when we worked together in this way, so why wouldn’t our country be as well? That’s why I have always been in favor of programs that are designed to help our society. They don’t have to help me specifically. I don’t care if they do, because if they help society as a whole, they do help me. When my friends and neighbors don’t have to worry and fret over every single little thing, then I don’t have to worry for them. I will still go over and help them if I can when they need it, but it isn’t because I have to. Hopefully, what they need me for will be something as simple as eating the last slice of apple pie or something simple like that instead of finding a way help them afford medical expenses for their dying mother.


I’ve recently been thinking a lot about my future considering I’ll be graduating from university next summer. I literally never plan ahead but I don’t want to be left in the lurch thinking ‘well what the fuck do I do now?’. I’ve been going back and forth between doing a politics masters, and doing an GDL but I’ve made up my mind. Your gurl’s gonna be a lawyer.


Rest of summer

  • Establish an effective skincare routine
  • Start a new healthy eating plan
  • Commit to a better exercise regime
  • Apply for part-time jobs at uni
  • Complete all reading for weeks 1-3
  • Wardrobe and make up overhaul

Third Year

  • Achieve a first class degree
  • Secure at least one reliable SD
  • Look into escorting part-time
  • Find a way to fund the GDL (£11,000)
  • Save at least £10,000 to move out
  • Apply for law work placements
  • Start applying for training contracts

After Graduation

  • Secure a training contract with dream law firm
  • Move out of family flat during GDL
  • Continue to support myself
  • Be the best in my field
Evil Queens of YA, in Conversation
  • Queen Elara (Red Queen):Oh, it's so hard being having a husband who thinks he has more power than you just because he's king. I might as well kill him.
  • Queen Levana (TLC):*sighs* I understand where your murderous tendencies are coming from, but--
  • Amarantha (ACOTAR):--But at least you have a husband!
  • Queen Maeve (TOG):*nods fervently in agreement, and holds back tears*

wuh2k asked:

Just with regards your comment on using the term "Gender transition". I knew "Gender reassignment" had been dropped, but wasn't aware that 'transition' is also problematic. Is there a preferred term, or does it fall under the banner of being different from individual to individual?

the problem, at least from my perspective, is the gender part. so like if you say “gender transition” or “gender reassignment”, it’s not accurate because someone’s gender exists independently from their genitals and secondary sex characteristics. gender confirmation is better in that sense, I know some people like it, although that has its problems as well (it seems to enforce the idea that vagina = woman, etc..)

I personally (and this is just one lone trans dude’s opinion) just prefer the term transition. everyone’s transition is different, and some people can’t or won’t transition, so just framing these types of things as “gender reassignment” or “gender transition” is inaccurate because we are already our gender before surgery, if we even get surgery.

Preference: holding you

Matt: He liked to keep an arm around your waist, holding you close to his side. Just close enough that he could not only hear your heart beat but also feel it, like it was part of him as well.

Wesely: He would hold your hand squeezing it to tightly at times. It was his way of saying that everything was going to be okay as long as you were by his side.

Anatoly: He would stand behind you arms wrapped around your waist ad he let his chin rest on top of your shoulder. He often laid kisses on your neck or cheek.

Vladimir: He pulled you into his lap always keeping at least one arm wrapped around you. A way of saying you were his.

anonymous asked:

Merhartwin prompt: All three of them going on a mission bc it needs someone of Merlins computer skills and they do rly well and are super deadly together and everyone @ HQ is rly impressed so they get some vacation time together after the mission

(Sorry this took so long Nonny! :D I hope you like it!)

           The mission required more than one agent to handle it, which really wasn’t that uncommon, but when Arthur announced that Merlin would have to go with Galahad and Bors, that had raised some eyebrows. The last time Merlin actually took part in a mission was for V-Day, and since then he had taken great strides to remain back on the estate, behind his computer. But in order to break into the facility so Harry and Eggsy could get in, Merlin would haven’t to be at least within a thousand feet of the building.

           Things started off fine—as well as to be expected with an assassination mission—but the smooth streak didn’t last long. After Merlin had shut security down and Harry and Eggsy had entered mansion, things went tits up.

           “Someone discovered us,” Merlin announced, watching on the right monitor as Harry snapped the neck of a guard and dragged the body around the hall, shoving it in a closet.

           “Can’t y’ block ‘em?” Eggsy asked, swiftly taking care of the second guard.

           Watching Galahad and Bors work together was a vision—the two men knew what the other was doing without ever uttering a word. It was almost eerie at how synchronized their movements could be.

           “Working on it,” Merlin said, his fingers dancing over the keyboards as he tried to override the override. “Keep focused. Your target is upstairs. He should be in the second room to on the right.”

           Harry and Eggsy made quick work going upstairs and tracking down the bedroom, where the target was supposed to be sleeping. Of course nothing ever goes as planned, and when Harry opened the door, a dozen thugs were waiting for him on the other side. Harry and Eggsy expanded their umbrellas, blocking a hail of bullets.

           The two agents exchanged a look, a mischievous smirk lighting up Eggsy’s eyes. Harry nodded and turned to face the thugs. When the bullets stopped, the hired goons confused by umbrellas stopping their attack, Harry and Eggsy started to fire lethal shots from the ends of the umbrellas, taking out the thugs in under ten seconds.

           “He ain’t ‘ere Merlin,” Eggsy announced once the room was cleared.

           “They probably took him down to the panic room. It’s downstairs in the wine cellar. You’ll find the entrance in the kitchen,” Merlin said, then cursed. “Shit, there’s over two dozen men coming and I don’t think I can unlock the door from here. I’ll have to go in and hack it.”

           “Y’ joining the party, bruv? Hell yeah!” Eggsy hooted, pumping one fist in the air.

           “Please Bors, try to behave with a bit more decorum,” Galahad reprimanded, though his smile betrayed his feelings. “We’ll see you inside Merlin.”

           Merlin grabbed his gun and a portable hacker from one of the hidden compartments in the van and slipped out. It didn’t take much work to vault the fence and enter the house, meeting Eggsy and Harry in the living room. They had just found their way into the kitchen when the onslaught of goons arrived, armed to the teeth.

           Merlin nodded to his companions and aimed Bessie, his modified Heckler & Koch HK416, at the front row of men. He fired off several rounds, taking each man out efficiently. When the mass of goons pressed in on them, Merlin resorted to using the weapon as a blunt object. Eggsy and Harry danced around the kitchen table, able to maneuver around the tight space as if it were nothing, snapping necks and breaking arms. There were times that Merlin caught sight of Eggsy and it looked as if he were floating; and Harry moved with such ferocious speed and grace, that he was a blur, fleeting around his targets, practically invisible.

           When they finished, there was a mass of bodies on the floor and blood dripping from the counters.

           “The clean up grew is going to have a bloody field day,” Merlin stated. Eggsy snickered. Merlin shot him a pensive look, trying to hide his smirk. “Oh, shut it.”

           Merlin went down into the wine cellar, Harry and Eggsy at his back, and located the door to the panic room. It took him no more than fifteen seconds to hack into the system and open the door. The man behind it, will impressive in size, was on his knees, blubbering for mercy.

           Harry put a bullet between his eyes.

           When all three returned to HQ, Merlin expected a verbal tongue lashing from Arthur for the mess they made—it really was a blood bath—but it seemed that all the agents had caught the video feed of the job and were rather impressed.

           “Who knew you had it in you!” Kay had crowed, slapping Merlin in the back.

           “Don’t think I won’t kick your arse too,” Merlin said, glaring at the younger man.

           “I’ve just informed Galahad and Bors that the time they requested off has been approved,” Arthur said, stepping between Kay and Merlin. “I think you could use a vacation too.”

           Merlin clenched his jaw. A vacation? What would he do with a vacation? Before he could argue, Eggsy popped up beside him, hooking one arm around his. Harry appeared at his right, taking his other arm.

           “Harry booked us a cruise, Merlin!” Eggsy said. “Ain’t no one gonna hear us out on the ocean—we can be as loud as we want.”

           “TMI!” Kay called from behind Arthur.

           Merlin flushed, unable to stamp down his broadening grin. Eggsy looked so excited, how couldn’t he feel a flutter of anticipation?

           “Well, there will still be other guests, lad,” Merlin said, but he let his two partners lead him off without further argument.

kecleetheturtle09 asked:

Can demons make deals for emotions? By that I mean can a demon give something (revenge, money, power, etc.) to a summoner in exchange for a specific emotion or feeling like 'love' or 'empathy'. Cause after a while, at least ONE demon should notice that yeah, it's a weakness, but about 99.99999% of Alcor's strength comes from those emotions. Also I'm guessing strong emotions such as those would have a lot of power within them. Like piece of a soul.

About the making deals for emotions, that could potentially happen!

But about the strength coming from emotions part, well… sometimes. It’s a bit more complicated than that. Part of Alcor’s strength does come from being part human, and all of what that means… but it’s not just the ability to have emotions. Humans aren’t just walking emotion-blobs, but more than the sum of their parts and all that. Emotions DO have strength, but it’s the human force of will that’s attached, as well as what those emotions connect to, the meanings behind them. 

So, by that logic, maybe some demons WOULD try to take on Alcor with just a raw force of singular emotions, but the lack of cohesiveness, that “one special something”, that intangible, hard-to-place human glue, would be where the demon fails. The lack of that complete understanding of what emotions are and what they represent (ie, just one of MANY symptoms of the human condition) is what causes them to warp those traded emotions into something more twisted.