well not exactly me

TV Chats With Mom
  • Mom: (sits down on the couch while I'm watching Pompeii) He's cute. Who is he?
  • Me: (looks up from iPad because I'm really not paying attention to this movie until Vesuvius erupts) Kit Harington. He's got a show on HBO.
  • Mom: (Shrugs because she doesn't watch HBO - or any kind of genre shows, but keeps up on what's what in television) Does he get a happy ending in this movie?
  • NOTE: My mom is a big fan of happy endings.
  • Me: This movie is about the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius.
  • Mom: Oh, so nobody gets a happy ending then.
  • Me: Exactly.
  • Mom: Well, maybe he'll get one on his TV show?
  • Me: He's on Game of Thrones.
  • Mom: Guess not.
"How do you color a tank engine like Thomas Jefferson exactly?" "Well you just leave it really white"

-Me and @18whiteroses, after me saying I was gonna color a photo like Thomas Jefferson

Because abortions aren't the only way the patriarchy wants to control your junk

OBGYN: Yeah, you are exhibiting all the signs of Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I’m so sorry.

Me: Huh? Oh, yeah. Insulin resistance, impossible weight loss, pre-disposition to type II diabetes, painful AF periods. Likelihood of bleed outs. Crap. That blows.

OBGYN: Yeah, well that too.

Me: *blinks* What?

OBGYN: Well, PCOS makes it very difficult for a woman to conceive and carry.

Me: BWHAHAHAHA. Yeah. No. No babies. Ever. Never wanted them. At all. Maternal instinct is not strong with this one. Only upside today.

OBGYN: Well then. Not exactly problem solved, but we’ll run with it.

Me: So about the MIND-SEARING PAIN and occasional HEAVY AF BLEEDING. When can we deal with that.

OBGYN: Not until you are 35.

Me: Dah fuq?

OBGYN: Not my rules. Hospitalization won’t even consider any treatment unless it’s life or death until you’re 35.

Me: Why?

OBGYN: Because you might want to have a baby.

Me: I’m 31. I didn’t want kids when I was 11, I didn’t want them at 21, and I sure as shit don’t want them now. Can’t I just sign a form that says “I don’t ever want a baby take it out, take it out now”?

OBGYN: Nope.

Me: Why?

OBGYN: Government rules. No removal of baby making parts before 35 unless your life is in immediate jeopardy.

TL;DR: The government knows better about your baby making parts than you do.

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An Aesthetic: EmButt + Assmell “grinding” “it” “out” in matching workout gear😩

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TOP 10 FAVORITE FINAL FANTASY MALE CHARACTERS

1) Noctis Lucis Caelum

“ I’m home. I walked tall… And though it took me a while, I’m ready now. “

Context: were being attacked by two hydra, and my dragonborn bard named Fiddle, plays kazoo

DM: And it’s now Fiddle’s turn.

Me: well… Exactly how hard would it be to seduce a Hydra?

DM: …. What

Me: I’m gonna play it a love song on Kazoo, and seduce it.

DM: …. Fuck, roll I guess

Me: *rolls a 19 plus my proficiency in performance and my charisma modifier* 26.

DM: I guess you-

Me: wait. *Pulls a kazoo from my bag and starts playing Rick Astleys Never Gonna Give You Up*

DM: okay- yeah- you seduce the Hydra with relative ease.

today i saw korra and asami at the gym and i couldn’t stop smiling. two girls arrived together, and one of them had the brown skin, the bisexual haircut and she even had a hoodie wrapped around her waist. the other was a little bit taller, had wavy black hair and was wearing a dark red tank over a black top. they were exactly korrasami modern au at the gym

Deleted shot from TFP of Sherlock after he smashes the coffin. He’s a real mess here when compared to the actual shot they included afterward. Though he was visibly shaking in that one as well. Makes me wonder exactly how long he sat there when John finally thought it was safe to get him to talk again. And if this is not enough proof of how much Molly means to Sherlock, I don’t know what does. Hats off to Benedict’s performance. 

i n k.

Originally posted by shirtlessthomas

chris evans x reader (smut)

warnings: smut, dirty talk, tattoo kink? NSFW GIF. 

prompt: small discussion of tattoos leads to smutty goodness.

a small yawn left your lips as your head rested on your boyfriends chest, the curtains were drawn closed leaving you in a dimly lit room, the only noise surrounding you was your breathing and the sound of his steady heartbeat by your ear. you and chris had been dating for two months but having time together or even alone was a rarity considering his line of work, not that you minded, you loved spending time with sebastian and anthony as well as visiting his parents. his mothers cooking was to die for and you couldn’t stop yourself from melting whenever you saw how they interacted, it was no secret that he was an absolute mammy’s boy.

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something i noticed while watching rick and morty

i fucking love little details animators put in

what do all of these images have in common?

rick never wears a seatbelt

i know what youre thinking. “but what if the drivers seat in his ship just doesnt have a working seatbelt?” well:

police car. probably working seatbelts

and look! morty is driving the ship. hes wearing a seatbelt. and the seatbelt on the other side definitely works; we see other characters use it constantly

in conclusion: i dont know. i just thought this detail was neat

Oh by the way. To any followers who aren’t into SnK..... I’m really sorry. You’re going to have to suffer every Saturday until it’s over. My condolences.

The OjiKiri friendship might as well be my favorite not-exactly-canon thing in bnha this part made me so happy - and 1B kids shenanigans too!! I’m g l a d

anonymous asked:

Psst!! Mabel and Ford bonding or Dipper and Stan bonding?

Anon! That’s a really tough one, I’ll give you credit for that! And although I love Dipper and Stan interactions, I gotta go with these two. I don’t exactly know why I love them so much I just do

Lie to me? Steal my work? Have fun going from 52K a year to minimum wages.

(warning: long story)

Takes place back in 2014, long read with a lot of buildup to revenge. I was about a year into my job and was being recognized for my talents and promoted pretty regularly. I was constantly being used as the liaison between my company and the client companies we had business and contracts with, and literally have saved our contract companies hundreds of thousands of dollars.

Then I was approached by Amy, who was in another department, for a job opportunity in the next month or so. She was going out on medical leave and was going to train me to take over her position in the interim and then fully take it over once she came back and moved into a new role. I was ecstatic because I knew she had a salary position and that’s what I really wanted. Most of the salaried positions in the company were the kind you had direct reports and in my industry there is a lot of stupid and handholding so I was not looking forward to have to deal with that stuff, but here was this angel offering me the salary I wanted and the stepping stone I wanted to get further in the company, all without having to deal with stupidity on a daily basis! So for the next 3 weeks I’m pulled from my current duties about twice a week to train in her position. In the beginning it was really menial stuff to get aquatinted with her department but then we started getting into the bigger Excel stuff. Now her job was 90% Excel based, but in having her teach me her job and the duties and deadlines for certain things I realized she was basically flying by with basic Excel knowledge (I’m taking formulas to do math and VLOOKUPs were the majority of what she used in EVERYTHING). Now I was really okay with it and knew I could bring a lot more to the position with my knowledge and really help out the management team and showcase my expertise to them.

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Russian names: Yuri

Russians use diminutives much more than a lot of other cultures. Basically, everyone who, speaking English, would be on first-name basis, in Russian would address each other with the singular “you” (ты) and use each other’s short names. Moreover, sometimes people use the plural “you” (вы), ans still use each other’s short names, without asking first. 

Going from plural “you” to singular often requires a short discussion akin to “Call me Jack - Okay, and you call me Susan” in English, but using a diminutive is either implied by the use of singular “you” or just not a big deal.

I’m personally annoyed with that, because a lot of Russians I know call me “Yura” (well, not Yura exactly, but the equivalent version of my first name), or even “Yurochka” while still using the plural “you” like they’re supposed to. There’s no polite way to say “call me Yuri, I don’t like my diminutives”, because everyone thinks it’s not a big deal: it’s your name, what’s wrong with that?

Also, no one - literally no one - addresses a child or a teenager (at least, a teenager younger than 17-18) by their full name if the name has a diminutive. The most frequent diminutive for Yuri is Yura.

So. Victor, Yakov, Lilia, Georgi, Mila and every other Russian around Yuri Plisetsky call him Yura, unless he’s in a habit of throwing a fit every time someone does that. I’m not sure he does, because really, it’s not seen as a big deal at all. 

His grandfather (and probably Yakov) might call them Yurochka - all the time, or when they’re feeling especially sentimental. 

Other diminutives include Yurka (it’s a little bit dismissive, but otherwise neutral, so it’s probably used by classmates or siblings), Yurik (also dismissive, kind of childish and rhymes with a childish insult, so probably not Plisetsky’s favorite), and Yurets (stress on e, very rare, but I know a Yurets; rhymes with the Russian for “cucumber”). I’m not sure Plisetsky is particularly fond of either of those names, but someone might use them to annoy him.

Who calls him Yuri? Foreigners, sponsors and journalists when they’re interviewing him. Maybe also his professors once he starts college (his school teachers use Yura or the last name), and everyone else who has to address him formally: bank clerks, hotel receptionists and so on. 

Yuri Nikolaevich, or whatever is his patronymic (Nikolaevich is from Nikolai, his grandfather’s name, I used it because we don’t know his father’s name. If he were Yakov’s kid, he’d be Yakovlevich), is hardly ever used. It’s there in his passport, and a policeman that stops him for speeding (don’t tell me it won’t happen at least twice a week when he gets his license) might address him that way, but other than that, until he starts coaching, or teaching, or becomes a doctor, a politician or a parent, everyone will keep calling him Yuri, because patronymics aren’t as frequently used in modern-day St.Petersburg as they used to be.

Otabek, whose Russian is as good as Yuri’s own, will probably call him Yura or Yurka, unless, again, Yuri asks him not to.

Also, if you combine the Russian for “kitten” (котёнок) and with Yuri, you get Юрёнок (Yurionok, where the “io” in the middle is pronounced kind of like “ir” in “girl”). It sounds cute, funny and very intimate; would probably annoy the hell out of Yuri or reduce him to a pool of goo, depending on who’s using it.


Yuri Katsuki, for the most part, wouldn’t be subjected to diminutives, because everyone realizes the Japanese don’t use the same diminutives, but Yakov, once he warms up to him, as well as grandpa Plisetsky and Victor’s family if he has one, may call him “Yura”, as a sign of accepting him as one of their own, like how Yuri’s mother calls Victor “Vicchan”.

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Ten Years of Ten: Gridlock (April 14, 2007)

“The Macra used to be the scourge of this galaxy. Gas. They fed off gas, the filthier the better. They built up a small empire using humans as slaves and mining gas for food.”
“They don’t exactly look like empire builders to me.”
“Well, that was billions of years ago. Billions. They must have devolved down the years. Now they’re just beasts. But they’re still hungry and my friend’s down there…”

Muse

Originally posted by sugutie

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst (it will contain smut in the next parts)

a/n: The story will have another part. So dont worry, im not cutting you off

Description:Jungkook is a  photography major in collaage. Every girl likes him yet he only has eyes for his camera, until he -even tho he hasnt realized it yet-  finds his muse.

Part1 Part 2  Part3

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hi everyone!! im opening up commissions for the summer!!!!! if you like my art and want to support me, id love it more than anything if you could commission me!

im doing character illustrations mostly!

sketches:

- bust / icon sorta thing: $5

- waist up: $7

- full body: $10

- extra characters: +$5

fancier lines and shading:

- bust: $10

- waist up: $15

- full body: $20

- bg: +$10

- extra character: +$10 - $15 depending on which option you chose

i will draw:

- honestly? just about anything. ur ocs, ur ocs with existing characters, you, fanart, etc etc. just ask! im willing to give certain things that arent exactly listed here a shot as well, just ask me about it when contacting me

i will NOT draw:

- pedophilia/incest

- abusive stuff

- just generally legitimately gross, unpleasant things that you cant even be flexible about


contact me at marscorney@gmail.com!!! or, donate to my ko.fi for a small doodle! thank you so much!!!!!!