well it could be better

3, 2, 1… a fear submitted by Dell to Deep Dark Fears - thanks!

My new book “The Creeps” is available now from your local bookstore, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Book Depository, iBooks, IndieBound, and wherever books are sold. You can find more information here.

shipping your own OCs

shipping one of your OCs with 4 other OCs and not knowing which pair should be canon

flower cloak.

Some (possible) references to the “old Taylor” I found in the “Look What You Made Me Do” lyric video:

Dear John:

I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday

Long Live:

How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you/We are the kings and queens, you traded your baseball cap for a crown

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together:

You called me up again tonight

All Too Well:

I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it

1989:

The birds in the video vs the birds on Taylor’s shirt

Blank Space:

As well as the whole list of names concept

Style:

Out of the Woods:

The monsters turned out to be just trees

i say “i’m seeing a therapist” and he takes a step backwards. why he wants to know. what happened. what made me like this, basically. what was the final step that pushed me safely into the side of scary people like them.

there’s a lot i think about. like how my illnesses effect me outside of the actual symptoms. like beyond the weight there’s a second river to drown in.

i mean we don’t talk about having to stare at employment papers where they ask you to self-identify your problems. that little bead of sweat that forms when you worry - what if i don’t tell them and i need help? what if i tell them and they think i’m a risk factor? what if they won’t give me the job?

we don’t talk about the way some people act when they find out. the ones who are rude about it are one thing. but then there’s those people you thought were your friends who act like you just told them you’re infectious. who become weird and distant and suspicious like a switch flipped. like if they get to close to you, you’ll give it to them.

we learn to be okay with things we overhear on the bus but we never get used to it coming out of the mouth of the people we love. we carry this secret with us like a rotted fruit, clutching it to our bodies. we’re ashamed of our scars in front of our boss. we don’t talk about our panic attacks during lunch breaks. when the cop pulls you over “i’m disassociating” isn’t an excuse we can open the page on. when you watch people make these ranting posts about how real friends always text back, how if someone loves you, they’ll find the time to spend. success stories make other people cry with inspiration while some part of your brain is saying you can’t do that, you’re not like them. things are uglier at the bottom. you can’t explain why you can’t just make friends. you can’t write because you’re depressed but when you’re depressed you write best. you can’t eat today and no don’t ask why please. nevermind taking the train. never mind trying to be happy. never mind reading books and watching movies and wondering where exactly are people like you in hero stories. i watch a video where a man tells me that being depressed is just a mindset. when i wear all black someone remarks i look particularly emo today. it’s 2017 does anyone say emo anymore, i ask her, and she laughs, “you just look like one of those fake-depressed girls.” okay.  

i don’t tell him my therapist is actually why things don’t happen anymore. why i’m getting a handle on it. my tongue feels swollen. i feel embarrassed talking about it. in the highest twist of irony, i think of how many people know my problems anonymously on the internet. i almost spill out all my troubles onto him. instead i tell him it’s just a precaution. that i think everyone should really see a therapist, they’re brain mechanics and we all need a tune-up now and then. he relaxes.

okay. okay. i’m sorry i’m one of them.

4

KINGS OF THE DOWNWORLD

hearts: spring, home, heart, emotions, love, vulnerability, water

clubs: summer, education, mind, intellect, musings, literature, air

diamonds: fall, career, values, security, judgement, responsibility, fire

spades: winter, environment, wisdom, old age, transformation, earth

10

I will say, hands are some of the hardest things to grasp when learning how to draw! Even people who have been drawing for years can be intimidated by these lil appendages! My methods for drawing them might be a bit weird, but I’m happy to share some of the things I try and keep in mind while trying to capture the essence of The Hand

I hope some people can find this useful! I could probably have gone on and on about drawing hands in this post but it’s already long enough-