well if it's wrong then honey i don't wanna be right

well who is ready ?


A/N: First of all, I’m new here so basically I will reblog a lot of my fav texts from 13rw and 5sos. Little warning English isn’t my mother language and I will do my best while writing the stories ( British English I guess ). I will use Grammarly ( If you don’t know what Grammarly is so basically it’s a grammar app that you can install to your Pc/ Mac and it helps you to correct the wrong grammars/spellings in your text. So you don’t need to wait any longer cause to story will start now. 

P.S Tbh I’m so sorry to people out there who like Tony as gay ( tbh he is adorable ). And He is the only one that I can see as this character in this “fic/smut” cause he hella hot and y’all can’t deny it.  

Pairing: Tony Padilla/ Christian Navarro x Reader ( Or anyone else in the series you can just imagine someone else in it ) 

Word Count: 1178 

Warning: “Slightly smut, light swearing? 


Tony drove quietly with his red car along the road before he stopped at my house. We had a fight yesterday before that because he wasn’t honest with me about these tapes that Hannah had left behind for us all. I was, of course, upset that Hannah had decided to commit suicide. Cause she had been such an important friend to me. 

I accidentally overheard about the tapes when Clay had come to Tony’s garage and started screaming about it. I was just coming from the house to the garage when I heard Tony’s calm voice, telling that everything will be okay and that Tape 11 ( Clay’s Tape ) won't be so bad. So long story short I went to ask about them ( tapes ) and Tony started shouting to me and then I screamed at him telling that I can’t be with someone who isn't being honest with me. The situation got kinda out of the hands and I left his house in anger. 

And now He was knocking on the door. I was still a bit mad at him because he dared to say to me that maybe we should break up. I pulled the curtains fast when I saw Tony looking at my room. I jumped on my bed and I didn’t stay even for 5 seconds when my phone ring, when I was checked whoever was calling me… Of course, my love, Tony Padilla. I rolled my eyes before I answered my phone. 

“Hey Y/N, I think I just saw you stalking me from your room,” He said and laughed nervously. 

“ Do you have something to say Tony Padilla ” I answered very rudely.

“Wow, baby don't get so rude… Can you open the door I think its locked" 

I rolled my eyes once again and squeezed hard before I opened my window and dropped the keys. Tony spread a huge smile of gratitude before he opened the door and came in. I went back to my bed and took my favorite poem book, Milk, and Honey. Next thing I felt was Tony’s strong hands on my waist and turning me around. He looked at my face and then stroke my hair to my cheek before peppering kisses at my face. 

"God I have missed you” He whispered in my ear. Then his lips met mine. I didn’t remember how sweet his lips tasted…I had been like almost 48 hours without him cuddling or just being with me and now when he was just right next to me on me. He pinned my hands above my head. As he moved his way to my neck and kissing my sweet spot which made me moan.Then his warm hands found their place on my waist and little by little my shirt started to rise up. 

“Damn Y/N do that again “ he whispered and started sucking at that spot making me moan little louder. “Just like that princess,“ he said and attached his lips to mine and it made to feel his hard length so I started to rub my thighs around him. 

“Wow, baby girl you are gonna regret that soon, ”   Tony said just before he took my shirt above my head. Now I was shirtless and he could see everything and I started to blush. “ You are so fucking beautiful “ he said while leaving kisses down on my body. 

He takes my thighs to his hands and starts to kiss my inner thighs and he did the sexiest thing ever aka looked deeply into my eyes. 

“ Well looks like someone is ready ” he said in teaseful voice while he started slowly to take my panties off.

“ Nice try… I wasn’t the one who came here with a hard on”I shot back which was a wrong move. I started to moan loudly.

“ I said you will regret it…and your punishment are orgasms ( I’m shocked I have never written a smut but wtf is this omlll ) Y/N, so come to my mouth so I can drink your juices down” he suddenly says in deep dominant voice what makes me more turned on. His tongue feels so good inside of me and my moans start to become more intense, deeper and higher… ( if you  know what do I mean )

“hmmm… Just like that baby” he said as he slid 2 fingers inside making me edging. It didn’t make long before I came and he took it all. And before I could rest he started kissing me with his tOnGue. (He was already in his boxer )

“Wanna taste yourself? It’s so sweet” he whispered between kisses. He gave me some time to breathe when he started kissing on my neck and then my breasts. I guess Tony wasn’t done with me as he twisted my nipple while sucking other. Then suddenly he stopped and took his boxer down making my eyes wide open. 

“Y/N can you see how hard you have made me ? …… I don’t think you have made me this hard, to be honest” he said and started stroking. 

“ What do you mean with ‘i have never made you this hard’ are you telling me that you have horny with me all the time? “ I almost scream at him in shook 

“Yes, bella every time when we are together you make me wanna pin you to the nearest bed and fuck you until you beg me to stop”  as he kissed me softly until entering in. “Does that feel good Y/N? You don’t know how long I have waited ‘til I could shoot my cum inside of you…hmmm I’m about to come” he moans and he thrusts in and out. I never knew this slight of dom and sweet Tony but I wanted it to be shown more often. [ ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ ) ] 

His thrusts became harder, which caused him to go deep. I moaned out, feeling Tony hit my G-spot as I bounced from the force of his thrusts. I tried to tell him that I was close but there was no use. When Tony pushed himself in fully and rolled his hips I came under. My thighs shook as I came around him. (aGAIN) He groaned as he came after me and literally fell on me. 


“Ugh… Tony, you are heavy” I whined and he started pressing down.

“What did you say, honey ?” he said gently as he stroked my hair.

“I said that you are heavy and I want to go to clean myself” I whimpered and tried ( unsuccessfully ) push him. 

“But you are so cute and I’m not sure if you won’t come back” he whined 

“I promise that nothing is going happen when I take a shower”

“Then I will come with you so I can ensure that nothing is not gonna happen” he grinned as he let go of me.  When I was in shower he came to bathroom and looked at me 

“Round 2 ?” 


A/N I have ever written a smut so I’m sorry if this sucked :’(( But I.m just jamming to Paramore’s new album and Harry’s one too and I can’t handle it atm 😭😭❤️ 

my current mood: 

Newsies (musical) Lyric Meme
  • "Them streets down there, they sucked the life right outta my old man. Well they ain't doin' that to me."
  • "Everyone wants to come to New York."
  • "You keep your small life in the big city. Give me a big life in a small town."
  • "They say folks is dyin' to get here. Me? I'm dying to get away."
  • "Close your eyes. Come with me."
  • "I bet a few months of clean air, you could toss that crutch for good."
  • "You can bet we won't let them bastards beat us."
  • "Don't you know that we're a family? Would I let you down?"
  • "It's a crooked game we're playing. One we'll never lose."
  • "Ain't it a fine life?"
  • "What a fine line carrying the banner!"
  • "It takes a smile that spreads like butter, the kind that turns a lady's head."
  • "If I hate the headline, I'll make up a headline!"
  • "Shave me too close and you may slit my throat."
  • "It's the simplest solutions that bolster the bottom line."
  • "Give me a week and I'll train them to be like an army that's marching to war."
  • "That's the bottom line!"
  • "I'm doing alright for myself."
  • "The thing I want most, I can't get."
  • "Honey, that's rich."
  • "This life's too short to waste it on you."
  • "Love at first sights for suckers. At least it used to be."
  • "I never planned on someone like you."
  • "Turns out that love ain't blind, it's dumb."
  • "You are the most impossible boy ever."
  • "They think we're nothing! Are we nothing?!"
  • "They think they got us! Do they got us?!"
  • "And the world will know!"
  • "The world don't know but they're gonna pay."
  • "The world will know that we've been here!"
  • "Either they give us our rights or we give them a war."
  • "Everyday we wait is a day we lose!"
  • "All I know is I don't know what to write."
  • "As I may have mentioned, I have no clue what I'm doing."
  • "Am I insane? This is what I've been waiting for."
  • "Lie down with dogs and you wake up with a raise and a promotion."
  • "Just look around at the world we're inheriting and think of the one we'll create."
  • "Now is the time to seize the day."
  • "Stare down the odds and seize the day."
  • "Courage cannot erase our fear."
  • "Courage is when we face our fear."
  • "Once we've begun, if we stand as one, someday becomes somehow."
  • "Wrongs will be righted, if we're united."
  • "Proud and defiant, we'll slay the giant."
  • "Nothing can break us. No one can make us quit before we're done."
  • "One for all and all for one."
  • "Let me go far away. Somewhere they won't ever find me and tomorrow won't remind me of today."
  • "No more running. No more lying."
  • "Where does it say you gotta live and die here?"
  • "Where does it say a guy can't catch a break?"
  • "Why should you only take what you're given?"
  • "Why should you spend your whole life being trapped where there ain't no future?"
  • "If the life don't seem to suit you, how about a change of scene?"
  • "I can't spend my whole life dreaming."
  • "I ain't getting any younger, and I wanna start brand new."
  • "Just be real is all I'm asking."
  • "I'm dead if I can't count on you."
  • "You don't need money when you're famous."
  • "Look at me, I'm the King of New York!"
  • "I gotta be either dead or dreaming!"
  • "Guess I wasn't much help yesterday."
  • "There's no way I am putting them kids back in danger."
  • "You know why a snake starts to rattle? Cuz he's scared."
  • "You can't undo the past."
  • "Your abject surrender was always the bottom line."
  • "Be glad you're alive. I'd say that's the bottom line."
  • "Til the moment I found you, I thought I knew what love was."
  • "Love will do what it does."
  • "One night may be forever, but that's all right."
  • "If you're gone tomorrow, what was ours still will be."
  • "I have something to believe in now that I know you believed in me."
  • "Do you know what I believe in?"
  • "There's change coming once and for all."
  • "Write it in ink or in blood, it's the same either way. They're gonna damn well pay!"
  • "Once and for all if they don't find their manners, we'll bleed 'em!"
  • "Once and for all there'll be blood on the wall if they doubt us."
  • "This town will shut down without us."
  • "Wherever you go, I'm right there by your side."
  • psychic: *reads my mind*
  • me: Onward, Chauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower... ...where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Oharming! This is worse than "Love Leters". I hate dinner theater! Me, too. Whoa there, Chauncey! Hark! The brave Prince Harming approacheth. Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you... ...then take my place as rightful king. What did she say? It's Shrek! Whoo, Shrek, yeah! Prepare, foul beast... ...to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar! Happy birthday to thee Happy birthday to thee Do you mind? Do you mind? Boring! Prepare, foul beast... Someday you'll be sorry. We already are! Mommy... You're right. I can't let this happen. I can't! I am the rightful King of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother... ...I will restore dignity to my throne. And this time, no one will stand in my way. Good morning. Good morning. Morning breath. I know. Isn't it wonderful? Good morning, good morning The sun is shining through Good morning, good morning To you And you! And you! They grow up so fast. Not fast enough. You'll be filling in for the King and Queen. Several functions require your attendance, sir. Great! Let's get started. Come on, lazybones. Time to get moving! You need to get a pair ofjammies. I got some sleep and I needed it Not a lot, just a little bit Someone's always trying to keep me from it It's a crying shame It's a royal pain in the neck I knight thee. If you're filling in for a king, you should look like one. Can somebody come in and work on Shrek? I will see what I can do. Yeah, wow. Is this really necessary? Quite necessary, Fiona. - I'm Shrek, you twit. - Whatever. This isn't a rehearsal, peoples. Let's see some hustle! Smiles, everyone! Smiles! I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm sorry, but can you just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better. Shrek? You look handsome. Come here, you. My but is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit. Hey, you! Come here. What's your name? Fiddlesworth, sir. Perfect. Ladies and gentlemen... ...Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek! Ahh! You've got it. A little to the left. That's it! That's good. Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! You're on it. Shrek! My eye! What are you doing? Fiona! - Are you okay? - Yeah. I'm fine. Shrimp! My favorite! - That's it! We're leaving! - Calm down. Calm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre. I'm not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be. I think that went well. Donkey! Come on, Shrek! Some people just don't understand boundaries. Just think. A couple more days and we'll be back home... ...in our vermin-filled shack strewn with fungus... ...and filled with the stench of mud and neglect. You had me at "vermin-filled". And, um... maybe even the piter-pater of little feet on the floor. That's right, the swamp rats will be spawning. Uh, no. What I'm thinking of is a little bigger than a swamp rat. Donkey? No, Shrek. What if, theoretically... ...they were little ogre feet? Honey, let's be rational about this. Have you seen a baby lately? They just eat and poop, and they cry... ...then they cry when they poop and poop when they cry. Now, imagine an ogre baby. They extra-cry and they extra-poop. Shrek, don't you ever think about having a family? Right now, you're my family. Somebody better be dying. I'm dying. Harold? Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. Of course, darling. Fiona. Yes, Daddy? I know I made many mistakes with you. It's okay. But your love for Shrek has... ...taught me much. My dear boy... ...I am proud to call you my son. And I'm proud to call you my frog... ...King dad-in-law. Now there is a mater of business to attend to. The Frog King... is dead. Put your hat back on, fool. Shrek... ...please come hither. Yeah, Dad? This kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne. Next in line. You see, Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes. Come on, Dad. An ogre as king? That's not such a good idea. There must be somebody else. Anybody! Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir. Really? Who is he, Dad? His name is... ...is... What's his name? ...is... Daddy! His name is Arthur. Arthur? I know you'll do... ...what's right. Harold? Dad? Dad! Dad? Do your thing, man. When you were young and your heart Was an open book You used to say live and let live You know you did, you know you did You know you did But if this ever changing world In which we live in Makes you give in and cry Say live and let die Live and let die Hey, lady You, lady Cursing at your life You're a discontented mother And a regimented wife What does a prince have to do to get a drink here? Ah, Mabel! Why they call you an ugly stepsister, I'll never know. Where's Doris? Taking the night off? She's not welcome here, and neither are you. What do you want, Harming? Not much. Just a chance at redemption. And a Fuzzy Navel. And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends! We're not your friends. You don't belong here. You're absolutely right, but, I mean, do any of us? Do a number on his face. Wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White, and what happened? Oh, what's it to you? They left you the unfairest of them all. Now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that feel? Pretty unfair. And you! Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father. I hate that little wooden puppet. And Hook. Need I say more? - And you, Frumpypigskin! - Rumpelstiltskin. Where's that firstborn you were promised? Mabel. Remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot... ...into that tiny glass slipper? Cinderella is in Far Far Away right now... ...eating bonbons, cavorting with every last fairy tale creature... ...that has ever done you wrong! Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. But there are two sides to every story... ...and our side has not been told! So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their... ..."happily ever after"? This way, gents. It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. As are you. And, uh, you. I don't know you, but I'd like to. I got to go! I don't wanna leave you either. But you know how Shrek is. The dude's lost without me. But don't worry. I'll send you airmail kisses every day! Be strong, babies. Coco, Peanut, listen to your mama. Bananas, no roasting marshmallows on your sister's head. That's my special boy! Come here, all of you! Give your daddy a big hug! Shrek? Maybe you should just stay and be King. Come on. There's no way I could run a kingdom. That's why your cousin Arthur is a perfect choice. It's not that. You see... And if he gives me trouble, I always have persuasion and reason. Here's persuasion... and here's reason. Fiona... ...soon it's just going to be you, me... ...and our swamp. It's not going to be just you and me. All aboard! It will be. I promise. I love you. That's lovely. Bye-bye, babies! Shrek! - Wait! - What is it? I'm... I'm... I love you, too, honey! No! I said I'm... You're what? I said I'm pregnant! What was that? You're going to be a father! That's great! Really? I'm glad you think so! I love you! Yeah! Me, too! You! I'm going to be an uncle! I'm going to be an uncle! And you, my friend, are royally... Home. Shrek! Fiona! Fiona? Oh, no. Better out than in, I always say. No, no, no! It's okay. It's gonna be all right. Stop! Hey, wait! Donkey. Donkey! Wake up! Dada! Shrek! Are you okay? I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happen? Allow me to explain. When a man has feelings for a woman... ...a powerful urge sweeps over him. I know how it happened. I just can't believe it. How does it happen? And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon When you coming home, son? I don't know when But we'll get together then, Dad. Donkey! Can you just cut to the part where you're supposed to make me feel better? You know I love Fiona, boss. Right? What I am talking about is you, me, my cousin's boat... ...an ice cold pitcher of mojitos and two weeks of nothing but fishing. Don't listen to him! Having a baby isn't going to ruin your life. It's not my life I'm worried about ruining, it's the kid's. When have you ever heard the phrase "as sweet as an ogre"... ...or "as nurturing as an ogre"... ...or "You'll love my dad. He's a real ogre." Okay. I get it. It's not going to be easy. But you got us to help you. That's true. I'm doomed. You'll be fine. You're finished. Uh, with your journey "Wor-ces-ters-shiree"? Now that sounds fancy! It's Worcestershire. Like the sauce? It's spicy! They must be expecting us. What in the shista-shire kind of place is this? Well, my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty. Must be a high school. High school? Ready? Okay! Wherefore art thou headed, to the top? Yeah, we think so, we think so! And dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped? Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not! All right, Mr. Percival, ease up on the reins. For lo, bro, don't burn all my frankincense and myrrh. I'm feeling nauseous from memories of wedgies and swirlies! How did you receive wedgies when you are clearly not the wearer of underpants? Let's just say some things are beter left unsaid. So I was all like, "I'd rather get the black plague than go out with you." - Oh, totally. - Pardon me. - Totally ew-eth. - Yeah, totally. I just altered my character level to +3 superb-ability. Hi. We're looking for someone named... Who rolled a +9 dork spell and summoned the beast and his quadruped? I know you're busy not fiting in, but can you tell me where I can find Arthur? He's over there. There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory! Strong, handsome, face of a leader. Does Arthur look like a king or what? Sorry. Did you say you were looking for Arthur? That information is on a need-to-know basis. It's top secret! Now, gentlemen, let's away. To the showers! Greetings, Your Majesty. This is your lucky day. What are you supposed to be? Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun or something? Giant mutant... You made a funny. Unhand me, monster! Stop squirming, Arthur. I'm not Arthur. I am Lancelot. That dork over there is Arthur. This is, like, totally embarrassing... ...but Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly. She thought perchance thou would ask her to the Homecoming Dance. Excuse me? Like, whatever. She's into college guys and mythical creatures. Oh, Arthur... ...come out, come out, wherever you are! You beter run, you litle punk no-goodniks! The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers are over! Hold it. We're here for the mascot contest. We're here for the mascot contest, too. This is a costume? Worked on it all night long. Looks prety real to me. If he were real, could I do this? Or this? If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful. - Now watch this! - That's quite enough, boys. Thank you to Professor Primbotom and his lecture... ...on "just say nay". And now, without further ado, let's give a warm Worcestershire hoozah... ...to the winner of our mascot contest, the... ...ogre? That's right. I'm the new mascot. So let's really try and beat the other guys at... ...whatever it is they're doing! This is all a bit unorthodox... Where can I find Arthur Pendragon? Hey, wait... Olassic. You should be ashamed of yourself! I didn't do it. They did. Please don't eat me. Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! I'm not here to eat him! Time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new King of Far Far Away. What? Artie a king? More like the Mayor of Loserville! Burn. Is this for real? Absolutely. Olean out your locker, kid. You have a kingdom to run. So, wait... l'm really the only heir? The one and only. Give me a second. My good people... ...there's a lesson here for all of us. Next time you're about to dunk a kid's head in a chamber pot, stop and think, "Hey, maybe this guy has feelings. Maybe I should cut him some slack. 'Oause maybe... just maybe... ...this guy's gonna turn out to be, I don't know, a king? Maybe his first royal decree will be to banish everyone who ever picked on him." I'm looking at you, jousting team! And Guin? Oh, Guin. I've always loved you. Good friends, it breaks my heart, but... ...enjoy your stay here in prison while I rule the free world! Okay, let's not overdo it. I'm building my city, people... on rock 'n' roll! You just overdid it. Look at you! You look darling. Just precious. Look at her. Any cravings since you got pregnant? No. Not at all. Do you smell ham? It's present time! Fiona, please open mine first. It's the one in front. "Oongratulations on your new mess mak..." Oh, mess maker! "Hopefully this helps. Love, Oinderella." - Look at that! - What is it? It's for the poopies. Wait... babies poop? Everyone poops, Beauty. Fiona! We all chipped in for a litle present, too. Ta-da! You know the baby will love it, because I do! Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you. Who's this one from? I got you the biggest one, because I love you most. "Have one on me. Love, Snow White." What is it? He's a live-in babysiter. Where's the baby? You're too kind, Snow, but I can't accept this. It's nothing. I have six more at home. - What does he do? - Oleaning. - Feeding. - Burping. So, what are Shrek and I supposed to do? Work on your marriage. Thanks, Rapunzel. What's that supposed to mean? Oome on now, Fiona. You know what happens. You're tired all the time. You start leting yourself go. Stretch marks. Say goodbye to romance. I'm sorry, but how many of you have kids? She's right! A baby will only strengthen the love Shrek and Fiona have. How did Shrek react when you told him? When he first found out, Shrek said... Onward, my new friends! To our happily ever afters! Now... bombs away! Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan. - His name's not Peter. - Shut it, Wendy. Enough pillaging! To the castle! You go! Take care of the baby! Everybody stay calm! We're going to die! Everyone in! Now! Oome on! Put some back into it! We don't have time. Now go! Quickly, ladies! We'll hold them off as long as we can! Where are Shrek and Fiona? The name doesn't ring a bell. No bell. I suggest you freaks cooperate... ...with the new King of Far Far Away! The only thing you're ever gonna be king of is King of the Stupids! - Hook! - Right! Avast, ye cookie. Start talking. - Gingy! - Papa! Setle down now. On the good ship Lollipop It's a sweet trip to the candy shop You! You can't lie. So tell me, puppet... where is Shrek? Well... I don't know where he's not. You don't know where Shrek is? It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume... ...that I couldn't exactly not say that is or isn't almost partially incorrect. So you do know where he is! On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way, with any amount of uncertainty... Stop it! ...I do not know where he shouldn't be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't not where I knew he was, it could mean... On the good ship Lollipop Enough! Shrek went off to bring back the next heir! He's bringing back the next heir? No! Hook! Get rid of this new "King". But bring Shrek to me. I have something special in mind for him. He'll never fall for your tricks! Oh, boy. I can't believe it. Me, a king? I knew I came from royalty, but... ...I figured everyone forgot about me. Oh, no. In fact the King asked for you personally. Really? Wow. But I know it's not all fun and games. It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the botle. Any idiot can hit a boat with a botle. Well, I've heard it's harder than it looks. This is going to be huge. Parties, princesses, castles. Princesses. You'll be living in the lap of luxury. The finest chefs will wait for your order. And fortunately, you'll have the royal food tasters. What do they do? Taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it's not poisoned. - Poisoned? - Or too salty. Don't worry. Your bodyguards will keep you safe. All of them willing at a moment's notice to lay down their lives out of devotion to you. Really? The whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance. Make sure they don't die of famine! - Or plague. - Plague is bad. The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores. Festering sores! You are one funny kity cat. What did I say? We don't want Artie geting the wrong idea. Artie? There goes my hip! Artie! What are you doing? What does it look like?! This really isn't up to you. I don't know anything about being king! You'll learn on the job! Sorry, but I'm going back. Back to what? Being a loser? Now look what you did! Look what I did? _ Who's holding the wheel, chief? Shrek! Land ho! How humiliating. Oh, nice going, Your Highness. Now it's "Your Highness"? What happened to "loser"? If you think this is geting you out of anything, it isn't. We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another... ...and you're going to be a father! What? You just said "father". King! You're going to be king! "You're going to be king!" Yeah, right. Where are you going? Far Far Away... from you! Get back here, young man! Boss? I don't think he's coming back. Maybe it's for the best. He's not exactly king material. When did you plan to tell him you were supposed to be king? Oome on. Why would I do that? Besides, he'll be ten times beter at it than me. Then change your tactics if you want to get anywhere with him. You're right, Donkey. What about this? - Shrek! - Oome on. It's just a joke. Still... Listen, Artie. If you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof. But what I am screamin' is, yo... ...check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! If it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying ain't straight trippin', say, "Oh, no, you didn't! You're geting on my last nerve." And then I'll know it's... I'll know it's wack! Help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me! - Artie, wait. - Oome on! Help! Hello? Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare to... I knew I should have got that warranty! Mr. Merlin? You know this guy? Yeah. He was the school magic teacher, until he had his nervous breakdown. Technically, I was merely a victim of a level 3 fatigue. At the request of my therapist, and the school authorities, I retired to the tranquility of nature to discover my divine purpose. Oan I interest anyone in a snack or beverage? Uh, no. Sure you don't want to try my Rock Au Gratin? It's organic. Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in. We need directions to Far Far Away. "We"? Who said I was going with you? I did. People are counting on you, so don't try to weasel out of it. If the job's so great, you do it. Understand this, kid. No more Mr. Nice Guy from here on out. That was your Mr. Nice Guy? Yeah, and I'm going to miss him. Why don't you go terrorize a village and leave me alone! Was that a crack about ogres? You get your royal highness to Far Far Away... ...before I kick it there! Now, which way am I kicking? I could tell you, but since you're in the midst of a self-destructive rage spiral, it would be karmically irresponsible. Self-destructive? Are you going to help us or not? Most definitely, but only after you take the journey to your soul! I don't think so. It's either that or primal scream therapy. All right. Journey to the soul. Now, all of you, look into the Fire of Truth and tell me what you see. Ooh, charades! Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte with cinnamon swirls! Okay, monster... go for it. I see a rainbow pony. Excellent work! Now the boy. This is lame. You're lame! Now just go for it. Okay. There's a baby bird and a father bird siting in a nest. Yes! Stay with it! The dad just flew away. Why did he leave the litle bird all alone? It's trying to fly, but it doesn't know how to. It's going to fall! Proper head case you are. Really messed up. Okay, I get it. The bird's me. My dad left. So what? Look, Artie, um... Just thought I'd help set the mood... ...for your big heart-to-heart chat. I know what it's like to not feel ready for something. Even ogres get scared. You know... once in a while. I know you want me to be king, but I can't. I'm not cut out for it, and I never will be. Even my own dad knew I wasn't worth the trouble. He dumped me at that school first chance he got... ...and I never heard from him again. My dad wasn't really the fatherly type, either. I doubt he was worse than mine. Oh, yeah? My father was an ogre. He tried to eat me. I guess I should have realized it. He bathed me in barbecue sauce and put me to bed with an apple in my mouth. I guess that's prety bad. It may be hard to believe, what, with my obvious charm and good looks, but people used to think I was a monster. And for a long time, I believed them. But after a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are. You know... you're okay, Shrek. You just need to do a litle less yelling and use a litle more soap. Thanks, Artie. The soap's because you stink... really bad. Yeah... I got that. This place is filthy! I feel like a hobo. I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Everything's always about you. It's not like your atitude is helping. Maybe itjust bothers you I was voted fairest in the land. You mean in that rigged election? Give me a break. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel... ...let down thy golden extensions!" Ladies, let go of your pety complaints and let's work together! So I guess the plan is we just wander aimlessly in this stinkhole until we rot. No, we get inside and find out what Oharming's up to. I know he's a jerk and everything, but that Oharming makes me hoter than July. That's it! Oome on! This way! Rapunzel, wait! Oharming, let go of her. But why would I want to do that? What? Say hello, ladies, to the new Queen of Far Far Away. Rapunzel, how could you? Jealous much? Soon you'll be back where you started, scrubbing floors or locked away in towers. That is, if I let you last the week. Pookie, you promised not to hurt them. Not here, kiten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later. Now forgive us. We have a show to put on. Shrek will be back soon, and you'll be sorry. Sorry?! Don't you realize once Shrek sets foot in Far Far Away... ...he's doomed? Look out! They got a piano! Kill them all... except the fat one. King Oharming has something special in mind for you, ogre. King Oharming? Atack! Artie, duck! Ready the plank! - Shrek! - Help! Oowards! What has Oharming done with Fiona? She's going to get what's coming to her. And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him! - We've got to save her. - But she's so far far away! Get yourself back to Worcestershire, kid. No, Shrek. Hold on. I've got an idea. I am a buzzing bee. Mr. Merlin? They need a spell to get them... ...I mean us, back to Far Far Away. Forget it. I don't have that kind of magic in me anymore. How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic. Please. I know you can do it. I said forget it! But... What's with you? It's just so hard, you know? They need to get back, 'cause their kingdom's in trouble. 'Oause there's a really bad man. It's just so hard! Take it easy. No! I don't think you understand! There's a mean person doing mean things to good people. Have a heart, old man. They really need your help to get back. Why won't you help them?! Okay. I'll go get my things. Piece of cake. Well, well. You want eggs with that ham? I am a litle rusty, so there could be some side effects. - Side effects? - Don't worry. Whatever it is, no mater how excruciatingly painful, it will wear off eventually. I think. - Oops. - You sure about this? If Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me. Even if his robe doesn't cover... Alacritious expeditious... ...a- zoomy-zoom-zoom! Let's help our friends get back... ...soon! It worked! I haven't been on a trip like that since college! Donkey? What? Is something in my teeth? Oh, no! I've been abracadabra-ed into a Fancy Feastin', second-rate sidekick! At least you don't look like some kind of bloated piñata! You should think about going on a diet! You should get yourself a pair of pants. I feel all exposed and nasty! So you two think this is funny? I'm really sorry, guys. Don't be. You got us back, kid. How in the Hans Ohristian Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots? Hey, hey, hey! Be very careful with those. They were made in Madrid by the finest... You'll learn to control that. Seriously. Ow! You need some comfort inserts or arch supports or something. Watch it. I'm walking here and I'm gonna keep going until... Pinocchio! Shrek! Help me! - What happened? - Oharming and the villains took over! Fiona and the Princesses got away. Now she's... She's what?! What?! Puss! Loan me five bucks. You heard him. Help the brother out. Do you see any pockets on me? Hold on a second. I had no idea, really. I... I swear. Quick! Where is Fiona? Oharming has her locked away someplace. You have to find him! He's probably geting ready for the show! Wait, Pinocchio! What show? "It's a Happily Ever After After All". "Shrek's final performance"? Shrek! You didn't tell us you were in a play! I guess I've been so busy I forgot to mention it. The ogre! Get him! Don't worry, jefe. I got this. Uck! Kill it! Look. Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you! We're dealing with amateurs. He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek. I'm going to lose it! Is everything ready? You did get the list for the dressing room? Breakfast croissant stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. And I hope you have the saffron corn with jalapeno honey buter. Our client cannot get into his proper emotional state withoutjalapeno honey buter! I just lost it. They should talk to Nancy in Human Resources. Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise! "With this sword, I do..." No. "With..." "With this sword, I do smote thee!" Is "smote" the right word? "Smoot"? I don't think that's a word. Maybe I should just "smite" him. Let's try this again. Now... Shrek atacks me. I pretend to be afraid. "Now the kingdom will get the happily ever after they deserve. Die, ogre!" Blah, blah, blah. Oh, itjust doesn't feel real enough! Who told you to stop dancing?! Wink and turn. What are you laying around for? Get up! Honestly! Our happily ever after is nearly complete, Mummy. And I assure you... ...the people of this kingdom will pay dearly for every second... ...we've had to wait. Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you. Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time. Where's Fiona? Don't worry. She and the others are safe... for now. Let me guess. Arthur. It's Artie, actually. This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? How pathetic. Stand still, so I won't make a mess. Oharming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him. Then who's it about? I'm supposed to be king, right? You weren't really next in line for the throne. I was. But you said the King asked for me personally. Not exactly. What does that mean? I said whatever I had to say, all right? I wasn't right for the job, so I needed some fool to replace me. And you fit the bill. So just go! You were playing me the whole time. You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought. You know, for a minute... ...I actually thought... - What? That he cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? You really do have a way with children, Shrek. Leave me out with the waste This is not what I do It's the wrong time She's pulling me through It's a small crime And I got no excuse And is that all right, yeah? Is that all right with you? Is that all right, yeah? If I give my gun away when it's loaded? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it? Is that all right? Is that all right? Is that all right with you? No. No. Had we stayed put like I suggested, we'd be sipping tea out of litle heart-shaped cups. Yeah, heart-shaped cups. And eating crumpets smothered with loganberries. Yeah, loganberries. - Shut up, Oindy. - Yeah, shut up. - No, you shut up. - Stay out of this. Who cares who's "running the kingdom"? - I care. - You should all care. I have your badge number, tin can! - Donkey? - Princess! Puss? I am Puss, stuck here inside this hideous body. And I'm me! But you're... Everything's fruity in the loops, but what happened is we went to high school, the boat crashed and we got bippity-boppity-booped by the magic man. You poor sweet things. I don't get it. The cat turned into a litle horse that smells like feet. What's to get? Who dat? Where's Shrek? Oharming has him. He plans to kill Shrek tonight in front of the whole kingdom! All right, everyone. We need to find a way out now. You're right. Ladies, assume the position! What are you doing? Waiting to be rescued. You've got to be kidding me. What else can we do? We're just four... ...I mean three, super-hot princesses... ...two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre and an old lady! Excuse me. Old lady coming through. Mom! You didn't think you got your fighting skills from your father, did you? Excuse me. There's still one more. Why don't you just lie down? Okay, girls, from here on out... ...we take care of business ourselves. The Far Far Away Theatre at the Charming Pavilion is proud to present... ..."It's A Happily Ever After After AII." Enjoy your evening of theatrical reverie, citizen. Oi! No food or beverages in the theater! Places, everyone! Easy! Sorry. I was showing off for the litle one. It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day. Oome here, beautiful. Well, she's got your eye. Who would have thought a monster like me deserved something as special as you? Little birdies, take wing Flitting down from the trees they appear And to chirp in my ear All because I sing Move it! Go! My babies! Help! Hey, how's it goin'? O to the K. The coast is clear. Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite! I thought we agreed to use the name Team Super Oool. I recall it was Team Awesome. I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron. Okay! From henceforth, we will be Team Alpha Super Awesome Oool Dynamite Wolf Squadron. Ach de liebe! There is some strange litle girl over there staring at us! Artie! Wait, wait! Where is the fire, señor? Please. Don't act so innocent. You both knew what was going on and kept it to yourselves. It's not like it seems. It's not? I think it seems prety clear. He was using me. That's all. Using you? You really don't get it. Shrek only said those things to protect you. Oharming was going to kill you, Artie! Shrek saved your life. Oue the spot! I wait alone up here I'm trapped another day Locked up here, please set me free My new life I almost see A castle, you and me Yes, a castle, you and me Oherubs! Tis I, Tis I Upon my regal steed Princess, my love At last you shall be freed I'm strong And brave And dashing my way there With speed! With might! With soft and bouncy hair! - Through the blistering desert - Hot! - Across the stormiest sea - Wet! Facing creatures so vile Foul! So you can gaze upon me! I knew you'd come for me And now we finally meet I knew you'd wait And from my plate of love you'd eat Who is this terribly ugly fiend Who so rudely intervened? Will Charming fight or flee? Please rescue me! From this monstrosity! Fear thee not, honey lamb! I will slice this thing up like a ham! Oh, boy. You are about to enter a world of pain With which you are not familiar! It can't be any more painful than your lousy performance. "Prepare, foul beast." Prepare, foul beast, your time is done! Oould you kill me and then sing? Be quiet! I'm just having fun with you. That's actually a very nice leotard. Thank you. Do they come in men's sizes? Now that be funny! Enough! Now you'll finally know what it's like... ...to have everything you worked for... ...everything that's precious to you, taken away. Now you'll know how I felt. Sausage roll! Pray for mercy from Puss! And Donkey! D Hi, honey. Sorry we're late. You okay? Much beter, now that you're here. So, Oharming, you want to let me out of these so we can setle this ogre-to-man? Ooh, that sounds fun. But I have a beter idea. No! Let go of me! You will not ruin things this time, ogre. Kill it. Everybody, stop! Oh, what is it now?! Artie? Who thinks we need to setle things this way? You mean you want to be villains your whole lives? But we are villains! It's the only thing we know. You never wish you could be something else? Easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree. You morons! Don't listen to him! Atack! What Steve means is it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you. Right. Thanks, Ed. Fair enough. You're right. I'm not a talking tree. But you know... ...a good friend once told me... ...just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre... ...or just some loser... ...doesn't mean you are one. What maters most is what you think of yourself. If there's something you really want, or someone you want to be... ...the only person standing in your way is you. - Me? - Get him! No, no, no! What I mean is each of you... ...is standing in your own way. I always wanted to play the flute. I'd like to open up a spa... in France! I grow daffodils. And they're beautiful. A new era finally begins! Now all of you... ...bow before your King! You need to work on your aim. This was supposed to be my happily ever after! Well, you need to keep looking... ...because I'm not giving up mine. Mommy? It's yours if you want it. But this time it's your choice. Author! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Excuse me. That's my seat. Okay, Señor Hocusy-Pocusy, the time has come to rectify some wrongs! Though I have been enjoying these cat baths. Please say you didn't. All right! Look. You'll feel a pinch and possibly lower intestinal discomfort... ...but this should do the trick. - Are you? - I'm me again! - And I am not you! - All right! Oops. Ah, never mind. What did I tell you? The kid's going to be a great king. Well, for what it's worth, you would have, too. I have something much more important in mind. Finally. Dada. Was I wrong about the world? It's a beautiful new place I smell Shrek Junior! Where else could a creep like me Meet such a pretty face Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! A bouncy, bouncy, boy! Used to always feel like Wished that I was dressed better Where's the baby? Never had a lot of luck Until I finally met her Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done My losing streak is done Well... what shall we do now? I got it. Puss and Donkey, baby! Once again, come on! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! Look at my hips! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! - Break it down! - Let's go! Stiff all in the collar Fluffy in the face Chit chat chatter trying Stuffy in the place Thank you for the par-tay But I could never stay I'm sorry. I got many things on my mind But the word's in the way And I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Different strokes for different folks Thank you for letting me be myself Again Break it down! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Dance to the music All night long Everyday people Sing a simple song Mama's so happy Mama start to cry Papa's still singing You can make it if you try So try! Thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you for letting me be myself Again Oome on, Donkey. Do something right! Put the hoofs together! Put the hoofs together! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Thank you for letting me be myself Again I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you, thank you, thank you. Want to thank you Just to be my Because I just want to be my... See? Can I, can I thank you! Can I Yes! Yes!
  • psychic: what the fuck
Heathers the musical - Sentence Starters
  • I believe I'm a good person.
  • This ain't no high school, this is the thunderdome.
  • I know life can be beautiful.
  • Things will get better as soon as I get my letter from Harvard, Duke, or Brown.
  • You're on jiffy pop detail.
  • You're a high school has bin waiting to happen.
  • They are solid Teflon.
  • Grow up, bulimia is so '87.
  • I crave a boon.
  • Shut up Heather!
  • If I took a meat cleaver down the center of your skull, I'd have matching halves.
  • You've come so far, why now are you pulling on my dick?
  • Honey whatcha waiting for?
  • Welcome to my candy store.
  • Maybe sesame street is on.
  • Why, when you see guys fight, does it look so horrible but feel so right?
  • Could you face the crowd,?
  • Could you be seen with me and still act proud?
  • I would fight for you, if you would fight for me.
  • You can set my broken bones and I know CPR.
  • Woah, you can punch real good.
  • You've lasted longer than I though you would.
  • If some night you're free, wanna fight for me?
  • My dad keeps to suitcases packed in the den.
  • It seems every time I'm about to despair, there's a 7/11 right there.
  • Freeze your brain.
  • Does your mommy know you eat all that crap?
  • I learned to cook pasta, learned to pay rent, learned the world doesn't owe you a cent.
  • When the voice in your head says you're better off dead, don't open a vein, just freeze your brain.
  • It's time for big fun.
  • So it's salt, then lime, then shot.
  • You need a jello shot!
  • The demon queen of high school has decreed it.
  • Monday 8 am I will be deleted.
  • 30 hours to live, how shall I spend them?
  • I could change my name and ride up to Seattle.
  • I'm a dead girl walking.
  • See I've decided I must ride you til I break you.
  • You're my last meal on death row.
  • I'm hot and pissed and on the pill.
  • So the world's unfair, keep it locked out there.
  • No sleep tonight for you, better chug that Mountain Dew.
  • I learned to kiss boys with my tongue.
  • It weighed like a concrete prom queen crown.
  • No one sees the me inside of me.
  • Jesus, you're making me sound like Air Supply.
  • They couldn't see past my rock star mystique.
  • Maybe I can help the world by leaving.
  • She didn't mean to be a snatch.
  • I'm bigger than John Lennon.
  • She's the horse I never got for Christmas.
  • You've got a left hand, use it.
  • You make my balls so blue, they're hanging sadly.
  • They made you cry, but that will end tonight.
  • You're the only thing that's right about this broken world.
  • Our love is god.
  • Free pussy, and we don't even have to buy it a pizza.
  • We can start and finish wars.
  • We're what killed the dinosaurs.
  • They died because god said they must.
  • I worship you.
  • I'd trade my life for yours.
  • So lets go hunt some jocks.
  • What the fuck have you done?
  • I love my dead gay son.
  • We don't choose who lives or dies.
  • Lets me normal, see bad movies, sneak a beer, and watch tv.
  • Can't we be seventeen?
  • Don't stop looking in my eyes.
  • I wanna be with you tonight.
  • Yeah we're damaged, badly damaged but your love's too good to lose.
  • You're the one I choose.
  • Shine a light.
  • Let in sunlight and your pain will disappear.
  • In the sixties, love was free. That did not work out well for me.
  • Cold, clammy, and crowded. The people smell desperate.
  • Everyone's pushing, everyone's fighting.
  • If I say the wrong thing or wear the wrong outfit, they'll throw me over the sides.
  • Still, the weakest must go.
  • Stupid childproof caps!
  • You don't deserve to live.
  • You whine all night.
  • At naptime, once we shared a mat.
  • I watched him dream for nearly half an hour.
  • Then he woke up.
  • My kindergarten boyfriend and I...and a horse with wings.
  • Certain boys are just for kindergarten, certain girls are meant to be alone.
  • Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably.
  • Still, you've earned that red scrunchie.
  • I've experienced everything you're going through right now.
  • You don't know what my world looks like.
  • Sorry for coming in through the window, dreadful etiquette I know.
  • You chucked me out like I was trash, for that you should be dead.
  • One, two –– fuck it!
  • Please don't leave me alone.
  • You were all I could trust.
  • I wanted someone strong who could protect me.
  • I let his anger fester and infect me.
  • No one here deserves to die.
  • It's one more dance and then farewell.
  • This little thing? I'd hardly call it a bomb.
  • I wish your mom had been a little stronger.
  • I wish your dad were good.
  • I wish we'd met before they convinced you life was war.
  • I am damaged, far too damaged, but you're not beyond repair.
  • Please stand back now...little further.
  • Hope you miss me, wish you'd kissed me.
  • Say hi to God.
  • You look like hell.
  • War is over, brand new sheriff's come to town.
  • My date for the pep rally kind of blew...me off.
  • Are there any happy endings?
  • We can be seventeen.
  • If no one loves me now, someday someone will.
  • One day we'll change the world, but lets kick back tonight.
South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut : Sentence Starters
  • "Now come on children, don't be shy, just give it your best shot."
  • "What is five times two?"
  • "OK, now lets try to get an answer from someone who's not a complete retard."
  • "I'm Sorry ________, but I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die."
  • "Dude, it's a lady getting pooed on!"
  • "You're too young for this stuff!"
  • "Hey! It IS ________'s mom!"
  • "Dude, what the fuck is wrong with German people?"
  • "Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing."
  • "Hey, don't call me fat buttfucker!"
  • "Respect my fuckin' authority!"
  • "You need to watch your mouth, brat."
  • "I know I was mean before. But don't worry - I can change!"
  • "Dog-shit taco!"
  • "Oh fuck."
  • "Who's a fuckin' bitch? ________'s Mooooooooom!"
  • "Blame Canada!"
  • "I don't listen to hip-hop."
  • "Haven't you heard of the Emancipation Proclamation?"
  • "I bet him he couldn't do it. I bet him a hundred dollars."
  • "I'm just fuckin' stoked I don't have to pay him."
  • "Oh, that's real nice! He was your friend, you fat fuck!"
  • "Remember what the MPAA says; Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!"
  • "Suck my balls."
  • "What the heck is a rimjob?"
  • "I transferred from Yardale where I had a 4.0 grade point average."
  • "It's this V-Chip, I hate it!"
  • "I can't say any dirty words."
  • "And you can't say Shit?"
  • "I'm warning you!"
  • "She's a mean old bitch and she has stupid hair."
  • "________, did you just say the F-word?"
  • "No, he's talking about "fuck". You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking fat ass!"
  • "Why the fuck not?"
  • "What's the big deal? It doesn't hurt anybody."
  • "How would you like to suck my balls?"
  • "Holy shit, dude."
  • "Get the fuck out of here!"
  • "Notice, that nothing happens."
  • "Success! The child doesn't want to swear!"
  • "Go on, honey. It's all right."
  • "Let me have some candy."
  • "Like you really need all that chocolate."
  • "We accidentally replaced your heart with a baked potato. You have about three seconds to live."
  • "What would Brian Boitano do if he was here right now?"
  • "I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two."
  • "I just want my mom to stop fighting everyone."
  • "For ________, I'll be an activist too."
  • "Some people say that I'm a bad guy, they may be right."
  • "Any minute now I will be born again!"
  • "What if you remain a sandy little butt-hole?"
  • "Hey Satan, don't be such a twit."
  • "Mother Theresa won't have shit on me!"
  • "Man, this movie gets better every time I see it!"
  • "I'll bet you a hundred dollars you can't light a fart on fire."
  • "This stick is on fire!"
  • "Oh my God, you killed ________!"
  • "You bastard!"
  • "How come you always want to make love to me from behind?"
  • "Is it because you want to pretend I'm somebody else?"
  • "Who am I going to pretend you are, Liza Minelli?"
  • "Sure, hon."
  • "Wait, before we put a message out, do a search on the word clitoris."
  • "It isn't like this film is the first troublesome thing to come out of Canada. Let us not forget Bryan Adams."
  • "Now, now, the Canadian Government has apologized for Bryan Adams on several occasions!"
  • "Can I finish? Please, can I finish?"
  • "I think we're fighting Canadians."
  • "Canadians, Australians, what's the difference?"
  • "Fuck is the worst word that you can say."
  • "Fuck Canada!"
  • "Hey fuck you buddy!"
  • "Well, fuck my ass and call me a bitch."
  • "I want to know where you heard all this horrific obscenities, m'kay?"
  • "I seriously doubt that ________ ever said: "Eat penguin shit, you ass spelunker"."
  • "Well you fucked your uncle yesterday."
  • "Goodbye, you guys."
  • "You told us that windows 98 would be faster, and more efficient with better access to the internet!"
  • "What do you think this is kid?"
  • "The word is "forensics"."
  • "Cancer is killing, Texaco's spilling, the whole world's gone to hell, but how are you?"
  • "I'm super! Thanks for asking!"
  • "Looks like we may be out of luck."
  • "Don't kick the baby."
  • "Hold me."
  • "Why should we fucking have to spell forensics?"
  • "There is no hope now, you must get out of here."
  • "Were is your God when you need him, huh? Where is your beautiful, merciful faggot now?"
  • "We can't leave without you! We don't know where the hell we are!"
  • "I can't face my mother."
  • "Our freedom shall be won."
  • "Though I die... La Resistance lives... on..."
  • "SHIT!"
  • "What the fuck are they fighting for?"
  • "When did this song become a marathon?"
  • "Here I come, God. Here I come, you fucking rat."
  • "Is sex the only thing that matters to you?"
  • "I hope you've learned something from this whole experience."
  • "Wanna see the northern lights?"
  • "You burned yourself to death by lighting your fart."
  • "You MUST shut of the alarms!"
  • "I fucking hate guard dogs!"
  • "I heard you the first time you British piece of shit."
  • "This is worse than the time when I fell asleep and you put your dick in my mouth and took a picture."
  • "The sun is shining and the grass is green. Under the three feet of snow, I mean."
  • "It's been six weeks since Saddam Hussein was killed by a pack of wild boars and the world is still glad to be rid of him."
  • "That movie has warped my fragile little mind."
  • "What? Fuck you guys. I wanna get out of here."
  • "I saw the __________ movie. Now who wants to touch me?"
  • "Now keep in mind, 'Operation Human Shield' will suffer heavy losses. But don't lose your spirit men! Stay until the bitter end."
  • "Ah, you'd better get packing, bitch, we're running out of time."
  • "What? No? No! You can't do that! I have to go to Earth!"
  • "Thank you Clitoris!"
  • "Careful? Was my mother careful when she stabbed me in the heart with a clothes hanger while I was still in the womb?"
  • "Man, this kid is fucked up!"
  • "Last words? How's about: "Get me the fuck out of this chair!" How's that for last words?"
  • "Did you bring the buttfor?"
  • "What, is that like finding Jesus or something?"

teamstevebucky  asked:

I just keep thinking about steve and tony getting sex pollened on some mission and steve's just so blasé about it like, 'it's cool. we're are adults. we can fuck. it's no big deal. plus if we don't, we'll die, so...." meanwhile tony's like "I WILL DIE EITHER WAY, STEVEN."

“Stark, look,” Steve begins, and –

“No no,” Tony says. “Button up that collar. Young man! Button up that collar!” 

“Stark,” says Steve, very seriously, still tugging off his uniform. “I know this isn’t ideal. I don’t really want to do this either. But we’re going to die if we don’t.” 

“I’m going to die either way!” Tony yells. “Because Barnes is going to kill me!” 

“What? No he won’t.”

“Are you fucking blind?” Tony hisses. 

Steve’s uniform top is hanging open and he starts on his belt. It pushes his pecs together. Tony rubs the bridge of his nose. “I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die at the young age of 35 –” 

“You’re 42.” 

“At the young age of 35 --” 

Steve heaves a sigh. “This isn’t very sexy.” 

“No fucking kidding!” 

“I’m really…” Steve cringes. “Sorry this is happening.” 

“Thank you,” Tony says, slightly appeased. He gets distracted when Steve strips off the top of his uniform all the way. “Let’s just get it over with,” he says. 

“Stark – Tony,” says Steve. “I don’t want to do it like this.” 

“Don’t have much of a choice, honey.” 

“No, I mean –” Steve’s frustrated. He steps closer to Tony in the little cell and puts a hand on his chest, cringing a little. He takes a breath. “We should…look, we should try to enjoy it. We should…” He leans forward, all blue eyes and plump pink little mouth, his lips parted, his lashes casting long shadows down his cheeks. “I don’t want to remember it bad,” he confesses, their noses brushing. “I don’t want it to be a bad thing if it doesn’t have to be a bad thing.” 

“That’s some – that’s some solid reasoning.” 

“I just,” Steve shrugs, looking down. His smile is heartbreaking up close. “When I fuck my friends I like it to be because we both want it. Obviously.” 

“You fuck your friends?” 

“How do you think Buck and I got started? Stark,” says Steve, “Look, I hate to break it to you, but casual sex has been around for a really long time.”

Tony nods. “Fair enough, that’s fair enough, you know I don’t think I ever really –” 

“Tony.” 

Tony clears his throat. “Right,” he says, a little strangled. 

“I know we don’t see eye to eye on everything, but I know you, Stark, and I know if I let you fuck me –” 

“Wait, you want to –?” 

Steve’s confused. “What? Sure,” he says, like it’s apparently a foregone conclusion that he’s going to be the one taking it up the ass. God. “But listen, if I let you fuck me and we treat it like a business transaction, you’re gonna hate yourself forever, and I don’t want that.” He gets unsure all of a sudden. “So let’s…look, tell me what you like, or…or I’ll tell you what I like and we can, we can figure this out, right?” 

Tony realizes all of a sudden that Steve is a lot younger than him. Like, a lot. And that he’s a little scared, too. “Right,” Tony affirms. “Definitely right.”

“I like it hard, usually,” Steve says. Is he – oh God, he’s blushing a little. Tony is fascinated and kind of into it. “And I like to, I mean…I’ll do – I’ll do whatever you want. I like doing that. I like doing what other people want. I like most things, actually, I…” his hands are on Tony’s belt. Oh God. They’re on Tony’s belt and his mouth is so hot and sweet-looking and Tony is going to have to confess this to Pepper tomorrow and she’ll probably be kind of into it, actually. 

“Cap, seriously,” Tony murmurs, holding Steve’s slim hips in his hands, “We can just die if you want to. I won’t judge.” 

“I don’t think you wanna die,” Steve chuckles, a low sexy sound. He bites his lip. “I, uh…I kind of think you want to fuck me.” 

“I…kinda think you’re right.”

Steve says, a little playful, “Hey, you think they’ll let us go if I just choke on your dick a little?” 

The door bangs down at the same minute Tony inhales wrong and chokes on his own spit because Captain America is shirtless and wet dream-y and soft and offering to choke on Tony’s dick if he wants, and he has to bend over and wheeze with his hands on his knees while Barnes says to Steve, “Hey.” 

“Well, you’re late,” Steve accuses.

“And you’re naked,” Barnes tells him. He frowns over at Tony. “He okay?” 

Tony gives him a thumbs-up, still coughing. 

“Now, not that I’m complaining –” Barnes starts, looking at Steve’s bare chest. 

“It’s a really long story,” Steve tells him, and pounds Tony on the back. 

“A really long story that absolutely did not end in Rogers blowing me,” Tony wheezes. He wipes a tear from his eye. Barnes looks at him suspiciously. “Seriously,” Tony says. “Interrogate me later. Can we get out of here?” 

“It’s been kind of a weird day,” Steve explains. 

TFLN Sentence Starters (Part 4)
  • [text] Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
  • [text] Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
  • [text] Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
  • [text] I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
  • [text] I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
  • [text] I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
  • [text] Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
  • [text] If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
  • [text] new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
  • [text] He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
  • [text] He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
  • [text] Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
  • [text] You are the jesus of drinking
  • [text] Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
  • [text] Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
  • [text] Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
  • [text] I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
  • [text] friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
  • [text] I hope my margaritas pass through security.
  • [text] Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
  • [text] Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
  • [text] woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
  • [text] just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
  • [text] Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
  • [text] They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
  • [text] The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
  • [text] Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okay with this
  • [text] For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
  • [text] I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
  • [text] I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
  • [text] Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
  • [text] Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
  • [text] Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
  • [text] Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
  • [text] Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
  • [text] its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
  • [text] I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
  • [text] Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
  • [text] I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
  • [text] but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
  • [text] The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
  • [text] Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
  • [text] I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you can see why I'm having a bad year.
  • [text] do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
  • [text] I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
  • [text] Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
  • [text] I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
  • [text] I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
  • [text] I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
  • [text] woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
  • [text] I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
  • [text] I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
  • [text] I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
  • [text] if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
  • [text] i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
  • [text] I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
  • [text] I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
  • [text] I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
  • [text] Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
  • [text] do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
  • [text] his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
  • [text] I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
  • [text] You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
"The Craft" Sentence Starters
  • Edited for the convenience of memes. TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE, SELF HARM.
  • "We are the weirdos."
  • "Now is the time. This is the hour. Ours is the magic. Ours is the power."
  • "I was just wondering; do you still have any powers?"
  • "So, if you ever just want to hang out and chant or call the corners..."
  • "Hold your breath until I call."
  • "Be careful. You don't want to end up like her."
  • "Did you tell your friends?"
  • "Did you tell your friends that you're a lying sack of shit?"
  • "What's wrong with your scars?"
  • "It isn't real."
  • "Then why are you still bleeding?"
  • "Run! Run to your up room like a little coward you are."
  • "She's so pathetic!"
  • "I wanna apologize for those guys in French. They're assholes."
  • "Yeah well, you know what they say. You are who you hang with."
  • "Yeah right... wait, did you just call me an asshole?"
  • "Sorry, my defenses are up."
  • "People here have been really rude to me."
  • "You don't even exist to me!"
  • "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
  • "By the power of three times three, make them see, make them see."
  • "What's wrong with her?"
  • "She doesn't want to be white trash anymore. I told her, 'You're white honey! Just get over it.' "
  • "You know, in the old days, if a witch betrayed her coven, they would kill her."
  • "I drink of my sisters."
  • "You know, if I were as pathetic as you are, I would have killed myself ages ago. You should get on with it."
  • "No one can help me."
  • "All these songs are by Connie Francis."
  • "Since I was a little girl all I've wanted in life was a jukebox that played nothing but Connie Francis records."
  • "Who's Connie Francis? Honey, listen and learn! Connie Francis!"
  • "Relax... it's only magic."
  • "Now who's pathetic?"
  • "Sorry, I thought I saw a bug. They have shampoo for that, you know."
  • "You look like you need to talk to somebody anyway."
  • "What's going on? Why aren't you dead?"
  • "He comes on to anything with tits."
  • "I'm not watching him."
  • "I speak from personal experience."
  • "He was just trying to save-face because he's going around the whole school saying that you were the "lousiest lay he's EVER had" and coming from him that's pretty bad."
  • "The almanac says today will bring an arrival or something."
  • "We don't need a fourth."
  • "I love a woman in uniform!"
  • "I guess this confirms she's not a natural blonde."
  • "If she leaves you alone, nothing will happen to her."
  • "Sorry, my pedicure ran late."
  • "It just felt really nice to belong."
  • "I disagreed with them once and they turned their backs on me. That's not friendship."
  • "You have a tremendous light inside you... more so than anyone I've ever known. You must not be afraid."
  • "I can't control it. I always end up hurting someone."
  • "So does stuff like tonight happen to you a lot?"
  • "I'll want it just to be quiet and I'll wish for it and wish for it, and I'll go deaf for three days straight."
  • "Guys, concentrate or it's not gonna work."
  • "I think I sprained my finger."
  • "Light as a feather, stiff as a board."
  • "Shut up or you're gonna fall!"
  • "How do I get down? Whose got the instructions?"
  • "I know you think we're getting what we want now, but it's going to come back to us, threefold."
  • "Stop trying to win them over, because it won't work."
  • "I'm not trying to win them over, you're paranoid."
  • "Why does it always have to be that way with you?"
  • "Because that's the way it is!"
  • "All I'm saying is, I think you should think."
  • "Hey, you know, I was thinking we should move in together."
  • "I don't think I'm ready for that level of commitment."
  • "I can't stop thinking about you."
  • "I can't eat, I can't sleep."
  • "I think I love you."
  • "I've never loved anyone before... well, except for my mom and this little puppy I had when I was little..."
  • "Why are you doing this to me? Do you think you're funny?"
  • "She's gonna cry, then I'm gonna cry, and we're all gonna cry!"
  • "You're not like your friends."
  • "You know I've never read anything about this stuff before. I mean, I don't follow it."
  • "He's gone completely crazy."
  • "Hey, I like your butt. Do you want to have dinner?"
  • "There is no undoing; it must run it's course."
  • "You should let him suffer."
  • "It's not for you to judge suffering."
  • "True magic is neither black, nor white - it's both because nature is both. Loving and cruel, all at the same time."
  • "The only good or bad is in the heart of the witch. Life keeps a balance on its own."
  • "You can defeat those who challenge you, but you must surrender yourself to the higher power."
  • "You must invoke the spirit."
  • "Oh, did I frighten you? I'm sorry."

anonymous asked:

Rex, I need your help. I read the post about shaming somebody bc they live their life differently &I'm afraid that's me,but I don't wanna think tht way! I'm that "books over parties" chick & I try not to judge but sometimes I do it mentally and I hate myself for it. It's hard, maybe because I grew up learning that it was wrong to do drugs,drink, etc but sometimes I even think wrong of other girls who choose to show cleavage to impress guys and idk ugh I don't want to do that, have any advice?

Well the thing is, when you judge someone you take something you know about them and you envision that their entire life revolves around that specific thing you know. You’re dehumanizing them. You gotta remember that everyone around you is an entire person with feelings and pain and interests and people they love and people who love them. 

I’m not sure if you’ve followed me for very long but I enjoy parties and drinking and dressing up and showing off my lady lumps and casual sex from time to time. But I also love reading and art and humor and knitting and I cry over bunnies and I’m watching a cartoon about snails right now while my little brother is lamenting about a transformer that died in the last movie.

So you just got to remember that these tiny things you see people doing do not imply that they are somehow less than you or that their choices are an indicator of the kind of person they are. Everyone is just kind of wandering around trying to enjoy the time they have here the way they want, ya know? As long as they aren’t hurting anybody it’s really no good to judge. I’m glad that you want to change your perspective, honey. It’s a great start. :)