“…Susan Willman called Diane Crayton’s son Josh “a bit tubby,” and that “maybe he needs a financial incentive to eat less.” - Episode 4: PTA Meeting

Susan. Susan, he is a literal shapeshifter. It’s nothing to do with what he eats, and what business is it of yours if it was anyway?

Y’know what, Susan? You can take your sugarless homemade lemonade and get your snooty butt out of the PTA meeting, right now.

We just had a dinosaur infestation, but the only dinosaur I see here is you, Susan. And, no, you’re not invited to the town BBQ next week.

Hey guys my dashboard is slowing dying, so if you post any of the following

  • Gravity Falls
  • Steven Universe
  • Undertale
  • Welcome to Night Vale
  • Miraculous Ladybug
  • Rick and Morty
  • Over the garden wall
  • Original art or fanarts

could you please like or reblog this post? I’ll check out your blog and maybe follow you!

Alice Isn’t Dead

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because on one side was everything she had ever known, and on the other side was a future, maybe. And even though she was afraid to leave everything she had ever known, she also wanted a future, maybe. And so, hesitating, and then not, and then moving quickly, running, sprinting even, desperate, she crossed and found a future. Maybe. And left behind everything she had ever known. And that is why the chicken crossed the road.

When Alice Isn’t Dead was first launched back in March, many fans of Welcome to Night Vale, myself included, did not know what to expect. A new fiction podcast written by Joseph Fink, co-author of Welcome to Night Vale, with a mysterious title and an even more intriguing trailer. We had thousands of questions. Would it be set in the same universe as Welcome to Night Vale? Would it have the same tone, tongue-in-cheek, a little bit creepy and horrifying, a lot funny and endearing? Would we get attached to the narrator the same way everyone fell in love with Cecil? After it began airing, it became instantly obvious that, though the prose of Joseph Fink is inimitable and there are many similarities between the two, Alice Isn’t Dead is very much its own independent thing that has nothing to envy from its older sibling Welcome to Night Vale.

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Day 341: Dangerous Secret

Whisper a dangerous secret to someone you care about. Now they have the power to destroy you, but they won’t. This is what love is. - Welcome to Night Vale

The door to the workshop slapped open with a crash, the full weight of the heavy oak almost cracking the frame as Engineer stormed inside. Fire sparked behind the dark lenses of his welding goggles with a ferocity that even Pyro would have considered a little too hot, and his face was as red as his shirt.

A few moments later the door quietly creaked shut, with the sound of its lock slipping into place sounding almost as timid as the invisible hands that guided it. There was soft hum as Spy’s cloak dropped and he gingerly made his way down the stairs and towards the workbench where Engineer stood, seething.

He saw Engineer’s posture tighten as he approached and knew that he knew he was there. Reaching out, he lay a hand on Engineer’s shoulder. “Cher, please, be reasonable-”

“Reasonable?” Engineer spun around, grabbing Spy by the arm. “You’re a fine one to be talkin’ about reasonable.”

“I was simply doing my job.”

“Yer job.” Engineer glared at the BLU. “Must’a missed you doin’ your job on account of all that stabbin’ me in the back you were doin’.”

Spy barely contained an exasperated eyeroll. “And if I did not? They would suspect us in a heartbeat. Cher, please, you act as if you do not trust me.”

“Damn straight I don’t trust you! Pa always said not to get tangled up with a snake, ‘cause yer just gonna get bit.” Engineer snarled and the Frenchman winced a little under the grip of the metal hand underneath the glove. “Kinda funny how all yer buddies seemed to know where my sentries were located today. Almost as funny as how your little BLU Pyro pal seemed to know just where to drop a little love tap that took full advantage of that structural weakness I was workin’ on when you happened to drop in last night.”

Spy opened his mouth, but said nothing. He couldn’t, and they both knew it. All at once, the fire of Engineer’s anger seemed to die as his grip on Spy’s arm gradually loosened. “Look, maybe it’s better you get on back to yer own base right now.”

“If this were any other place, any other war…” Spy searched for the right words, “… If your life was truly at risk, if death was something to be feared, mon ingénieur, there would be nothing that could make me put you in harm’s way.”

Engineer dropped his hand. “This ain’t the time to be makin’ declarations, Spy. I can stand getting stabbed in the back, but your little slip of the lip just put me back months on my prototype. That’s… well, it’s gonna take a while for me to get over.”

Spy almost prefered the Texan angry. Anger he could deal with, but the quiet accusation in Engineer’s voice was something else entirely.

“When we started this, I opened up to you. Figured you know most of it already anyway, but I told you all the same. You know more about me than anyone but my ma and pa, and what do I get to show for it? You never take that mask off when you’re here, you’re always gone by sunup. Hell, after all this time I’d like to think I’d be at least able to identify you in a lineup, but I figured it was worth it. Figured that I could rely on you to know where that line between RED and BLU was. Guess I was wrong.”

Trust. That’s what it came down to. Spy paused, contemplating something for only a moment before he leaned in and whispered two words into Engineer’s ear.

“What’s that?”

“My name.” Spy pulled back. “The real one, not an alias or a cover. If you run that name through any database, you will find me. Where I was born, where I grew up, where I went to school… My family, or at least what remains of it.”

The last few words came slowly, and Engineer felt their weight as they seemingly came down on top of him.

“Why are you tellin’ me this?”

“Because I know you will never use it. I trust you with it, with me.” Spy raised his hand to gently touch Engineer’s cheek. “And I shall endeavor to earn back that same trust from you, mon amour.”

FINALLY got around to reading the welcome to night vale novel (picked it up at the library earlier today and just finished it because i couldnt convince myself to chill and break it up over two days) and i gotta say, this is probably the most aesthetically pleasing book ive ever held. it’s beautiful. i want to carry it around like an accessory. and it’s shockingly lightweight for a 400 page hardcover. what the fuck joseph fink and jeffrey cranor. how did you do this

this is my official book review