welcome to the island of misfit toys

Dear friend,

I’m currently sitting on a curb in 35 degree weather while running a 101 degree fever and I ask myself, if this is all worth it? I’ve never realized it, but the view of the street lights at night is one everyone should experience. We drive by them everyday and every night, but we never actually stop and just look at them. Living in a city, you don’t really get to experience a beautiful night sky, but I’d say this is definitely the next best thing. They’re the only thing keeping me from losing my mind at the moment. I’ve been in an ongoing battle with my mind for the past 3 and a half years and today it’s reached a new peak. I had a customer complain to my manager today after she accidentally caught a glimpse of my arm. She said she doesn’t think it’s okay that I’m allowing it to show and by working there, my managers are accepting it, but the truth is, up until now, nobody knew about it. I’ve kept it a secret and today, unwillingly, it got out. Peoples first reaction is to ask you if “you’re okay?” and “why?” and “what’s wrong?” and of course you’re not, but you refuse to let them know so you just smile and say that you’re fine. It won’t stop them from wondering and it won’t stop the questions from coming. I refuse to let people get involved. I was told today that you only get to live one life so why not spend it with the person you love. I found that to be completely beautiful and I’m sticking to that. Some may say I’m crazy while others say I’m out of my mind. So as I’m sitting on a curb in 35 degree weather while running a 101 degree fever and looking up at the street lights, I tell myself, this is all worth it, you’re worth it.

Love always,