weirdness personal

i dissociated all day and i feel lazy bc i barely did anything…

syorein  asked:

I've seen it vaguely touched upon, but has anyone ever gotten really indepth about how we advance, not as a need, but as a competitive factor? Like with even NASA and whatever we were like "hey we're gonna make it to space before you losers" and the others were like "heck no we're gonna get there before you losers" and it just permeates every factor of our lives ask any child who plays a game and even they'll be pumped to win

Necessity is the parent of progress, the pamphlet had said. It was supposed to be a human saying, but as Vossavangen looked upon the mess the ships humans had made, xe realised how wrong this statement was. As per usual, humans made very little sense. Apparently, it had all started with one of the humans saying they could fix the fuel intakes of the small utility ships (which were working fine, mind you) before and better than another human.

Apparently this was a ‘bet’ - a word that didn’t really translate to Vossavangen’s native language. A lot of the words spoken in the following argument didn’t translate, and those who did seemed strangely fixated around referring to the other human as genitalia. At the time it hadn’t seemed like it would bring much trouble. Like most normal human behaviour it was best to let it play out on its own and let the humans deal with it.

Well, that was what xe had thought then, but less than one rotation later the floor of the room the humans called the garage was filled with tools and pieces of engines. It was a disaster, and Vossavangen had no idea how to explain it to xir superiors.

Talking to the humans had proven futile, but by some miracle both the utility ships they’d been ‘tinkering’ on were fully operational eleven rotations later - less than half a rotation before High Command was supposed to inspect the area. The work space was far from tidy, but the humans had decided that one party would clean for all of them. Which it would be depended on who had brought the biggest improvements to the ships.

Vossavangen was less than optimistic, but xe tested the utility ships none the less. Shockingly, it seemed the human engineers and mechanics had managed to on one of the ships cut fuel use with almost forty percent, while on the other they had substituted the need for traditional fuel altogether for food waste.

After the incident, it became common knowledge that the best ways to get a human to work efficiently was to say they either wouldn’t be able to do it, or that someone else could do it better than them.

Humans are weird

Horoscopes

Commander’s entry

“The human contingent has successfully adapted to life on the ship, and many of my crew has expressed interest in learning about our new passengers. While others have noticed things about the human behavior such as domestication, animal life, and the unexpected harshness of these aliens, I have found myself intrigued by what I have come to learn as Zodiac signs, and the horoscope.

“It started when human Jessica received her weekly update through the scanners, and stated that according to her horoscope, she would have a good week. The other humans were interested, and so read what I was to learn was their horoscope. Human Brad, however, stated that he did not believe in the horoscope, and human Jessica stated that it was because he was an Aries, which caused human Brad to leave the room.

“I had already decided that human Brad was not a human whose company I enjoyed, and I am interested in learning about these horoscopes, so I can keep human Brad from interacting with me as much as possible.”

Commander’s entry

“After asking human Jessica to explain these horoscopes to me, she told me that the horoscopes were depicted according to the star positions, and the individual’s zodiac sign, which was determined by the date of birth. Considering that we, Zorlocks, have a different measure of time then the humans, I did not have a zodiac sign, however, human Jessica informed me that I must be a Taurus.”

Commander’s entry

“After landing on the planet Vorlash to pursue negotiations with the two-headed race known as the Akas, one head with eyes and ears, the other head with a mouth and noses, human Jessica erupted into what I believe was ‘a fit of giggles.’ When I asked her to explain, she said, ‘a planet full of Gemini’s.’ I expressed my confusion, and she explained that a person with the Gemini Zodiac sign were largely believed to be two-faced.’ I must admit to the humor now saw in her statement.”

Commander’s entry

“The negotiations with the Akas were going slow, and I was considering attempting to secure a negotiations with a more direct and forceful manner, human Jessica said that, according to my horoscope, which I now read regularly out of sheer curiosity, I must display patience to achieve happiness. I have decided to wait a few more days before demanding an answer from the Akas.”

Commander’s entry

“The Akas have agreed to open a trade agreement. I am now in belief that, although no scientific evidence supports the horoscope, it is possible that there is more to it than simple human superstition. “

Commander’s entry

“My first mate, Lokah, have began to suspect that my interest in the horoscope is no longer a passing interest with the intention of learning more about the human way of life. Lokah has asked that I desist in my weekly reading of my horoscope.

I can’t believe my first mate is an Aries.”

Humans are space orcs

The “nope” factor.
You ever go to to check the mail, find out its raining extremely hard, and your brain just goes nope and you go back to bed.
There is no arguing with the nope factor. You can’t convince them. You can’t argue with them. Not even reverse psychology works with the nope factor.

So like, a human goes with an alien contingent to a planet, and the aliens are like, “we’re going to be hunting down a dangerous animal,” and they show a picture of this giant beetle like insect, and the human just says “nope,” like in the middle of the briefing.
The aliens are like, “what do you mean no”,
Humans response is “i didn’t say no, I said nope. Which means I’m not leaving the ship.”
“But I thought humans were brave and not afraid of anything”
“I didn’t say I’m afraid, I said nope”

sometimes i hate being so sensitive because i’m hurt a lot by what people say to me, but i wouldn’t give up my sensitivity for the world because i feel like i see the world in such an intense, beautiful way…like just a picture, a look on someone’s face, a color, a few notes of my favorite song, pretty words, even just a concept…they can evoke such intense feelings in me that i feel like my heart is gonna burst open. anyone get this feeling???

Aliens watching out for their humans

So most of the stories I’ve seen in the Humans-Are-Weird/Space-Australia/Space-Orcs have had aliens being completely accepting and mostly one human explaining things.

So what would happen when the alien crew who loved their human and easily accepted that their brain didn’t always work right encountered as absolute asshole?

“Human Katyleen, I do not understand why you are upset about Human Sarah traveling with our crew?”

“Because psychos like her should be locked up Galthor! God first it’s rude to call them nutjobs when they are now they get to take the spots that people like me deserve!”

“Do you have the ability to lift a Bilibithor above your head?”

“No but-”

“Ah! You must be able to out-talk a Fiffifin then!”

“They use so many alliterations it makes no sense!”

“Are you able to correctly change speeds to prevent a hyper speed collision that is, the earth term is inches correct?”

“She is still a psycho! She could snap at any time and kill you all!”

“I believe Human Sarah told us about your kind.”

“What did she say?”

“I believe the terms used is cunt.”