weird world of jack

funnystarfish  asked:

Yo! Happy st. pattys day! I know this sounds weird, but can you reenact a scene from Beauty and the beast? This movie was released today and I'm in the spirit for some beast and belle action!

Happy St.Patrick’s Day, baby!! 

The Haunted Attraction (brought to us by @parisbautista)
  • (I'm going to use slightly different characters if that's okay!)
  • Ralph, Jack, Simon, Roger: *Haloweening*
  • Ralph, Jack, Simon, Roger: *arrive at last attraction*
  • Jack: Come on guys, stop being babies. How bad could it be?
  • Simon: BAD
  • Jack: no
  • Simon: WHAT IF WE DIE
  • Roger: In what world would we ACTUALLY die from being afraid of a haunted house
  • Ralph: Idk, Si has a point
  • Simon: IT COULD INDUCE HEART ATTACKS
  • Roger: ...I highly doubt it
  • Simon: BUT-
  • Jack: ALRIGHT
  • Jack: EVERYONE JUST BE QUIET. WE'RE NOT GOING TO DIE, AND IF THEY ATTACK US WE KILL THEM
  • Simon:
  • Ralph:
  • Roger: I'm in
  • Ralph, Jack, Simon, Roger: *enter*
  • Ralph: Jack can you walk in front of me I'm scared
  • Jack: *SIGHS* fine
  • Jack: *leads the way*
  • Actors: Hehehehe
  • Actors: *push Jack into the wall*
  • Jack: HEY DONT YOU DARE TOUCH ME IF YOU DO I'LL-- *various, assorted threats*
  • Actors: Oh
  • Actors: *look at Simon*
  • Simon:
  • Actors: *get closer to Simon*
  • Simon: Pls no
  • Actors: *touch Simon's hair*
  • Simon, crying: THIS IS IT THIS IS THE END
  • Roger: *narrows eyes*
  • Roger: If you
  • Roger: Touch his hair again
  • Roger: I WILL LITERALLY
  • Roger: KILL. YOU.
  • Ralph: *WAILING IN TERROR*
  • Actors: *haven't left Simon alone*
  • Simon, fear induced anger: OKAY OKAY JUST STOP I SWEAR IF YOU TOUCH ME AGAIN ILL SUE MY PARENTS ARE LAWYERS
  • Simon: *pulls actor's hair*
  • Roger: *steps between Simon and the actors, starts swinging*
  • Jack: *kicking whatever moves*
  • Ralph: *still screaming*
  • Jack and Roger: *DEFEND THE GROUP AT ALL COSTS*
  • Ralph: I WANT TO GO HOME
  • Ralph: NOW
  • Simon: *in a daze, walking in circles*
  • Simon: What is real what is happening where are we who am I
  • Security guard: *appears*
  • Security guard: Hate my job
  • Ralph, Jack, Simon, Roger: *escorted out of the haunted attraction*
  • Ralph, Jack, Simon, Roger: *going home*
  • Jack: That was so GREAT I'm PUMPED
  • Simon: *existential crisis*
  • Roger: *hidden, seething anger*
  • Ralph: *whimpering softly*
  • Jack: I love Halloween

anonymous asked:

V for tgatnw Jack and J for pitch please?

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Jack - Jack’s someone who likes to suppress how vocal he can be, and likes to have control over that - he was actually louder once Pitch gave him the gag the first time they had a scene together. So, as a result, unless he’s too far gone to care or the noises are shocked out of him, he actually tends to not be that loud, and a lot of his sounds get cut off in the back of his throat. One of the reasons he finds spanking so embarrassing (and kind of a turn on) is that it means he can’t control his volume as much, even with the gag, and struggles with that.

Pitch, of course, thinks it’s just wonderful.

But Jack can definitely be a silent sex partner. Like, if Pitch threw down the gauntlet of ‘I dare you to make no noise while I do X thing to you,’ Jack could do it, and not be that upset about it. This is a guy who pretty much never received healing for most of his disciplinary whippings, who didn’t like Crossholt to know how much pain he was in, Jack can be quiet, and he’s pretty proud of his ability to do that.

As a result, he’s not really a screamer or anything, unless he’s being edged etc.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Pitch - Because Pitch doesn’t often get off during the scenes he constructs, he’s actually a champion wanker (in all ways, lol). No, but seriously, once aftercare is finished and so on, the first thing he actually tends to do once the soldier/sub/person has left is get himself off. As a result, he can sometimes be very picky about who he comes around, because he’s actually… kind of fussy about how he gets off? He’s become so good at it himself, that he’s often like ‘well, this person won’t do it as well as I can, so I’m going to do this for myself later.’

From this kink meme.

Cont. 8

@jackspacespecter

Erik wished he felt cocky now. But instead he was rubbing the seam of his jacket nervously. Shifting his weight foot to half foot. A small group of mostly Jacks friends with the addition of Christine, Darius, and the Giry’s.

Nadir gave a small chuckle at his friends nervousness. He remembered how much of a wreck hed been on his wedding day.

anonymous asked:

Background info on the RayRidingHood AU? :o

Uhhhh, they live in a town off the grid where the veil between dimensions is so thin, the fairytale world bleeds in and mixes with the modern world. Weird shit is normal for that town. Ray lives with Jack (Jack raised Ray???). Geoff is Jack’s old friend who prefers to live in his cabin deep in the woods. Michael is a hunter who lives in the same woods as Geoff. He sometimes cut wood and hunt animals for Geoff. Gavin is his annoying birb friend who just hangs around him. Ryan’s the bad wolf that causes shit in the woods, giving Michael a headache.

Every now and then Jack visits Geoff and brings him stuff from the town but since Ray’s old enough, he send him instead (Jack is getting old lmao)

This is all I could think of lmao help

Though they often seem to be lacking in self-awareness, Americans are well-acquainted with their own stereotypes. Yes, we get it; we’re loud, we’re brash, we’re fat, we love NASCAR and think everyone should speak gosh darn American. These stereotypes in a way are almost self-imposed. We see ‘Team America’ and we assume that sardonic parody of patriotism is how the rest of the world views us, but that’s not always the case.

There are tons of stereotypes about Americans we have no idea about because they’re things that are so normal to us we don’t even notice them. Take cheese, for example. We LOVE cheese, and sure, other countries love it too, but to an Easterner, cheese is a gross, spongy, smelly alien substance. We know our political system is definitely on the wacky side of things, but do we even comprehend how our election looks to the rest of the world, nervously praying Donald Trump doesn’t get the nuclear codes?

On this episode, we’re joined by a few foreigners to talk about all the weird things we do as Americans, but have no idea about. Cracked editor-in-chief Jack O'Brien is joined by Japanese comedian Aiko Tanaka and British comedian Katia Kvinge to talk about our weird food culture and our even weirder dating culture. Later, Jack is joined by Cracked editor and resident Canadian Mark Hill to talk about why American technology lags far behind along with our politics.

American Customs The Rest Of The World Thinks Are Weird

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