weird things i think of at 3am

It’s weird how at a time in your life you were so close to someone. When you’re with them you wish it won’t ever end and you’re sure that it won’t. You never think that the last time is the last time, it comes unexpectedly and that’s what’s so weird about it you can’t explain how all those emotions all those times you were sure about it just ended. like remember it wasn’t even a few months ago we used to do the craziest things together I mean you can’t forget about the deep conversations we had like around 3am we just said everything on our mind, but it sucks because you did forget everything and today I don’t even know how to say hey. This isn’t supposed to happen but it did and there’s nothing I can do about it. I guess everything does happen for a reason, I wanna know how you feel about this whole situation, it’s like I want to forget everything between us but I’m also waiting on the day you talk to me again.. I don’t hate you and I never will I just act like I do because it seems much easier than missing what we had.

you know, the more i think about luke’s dark day and how it’s weird that lorelai never knew about it for as long as she knew him, the more i wonder if luke purposefully didn’t tell her and purposefully tried to make himself available to her. little things like leaving some coffee and a slice of pie waiting for her at the independence. like leaving a voicemail on her home answering machine just to tell her that he was sorry he didn’t see her at the diner but that he had some errands to run. just little things that didn’t require direct interaction but still let her know that he was around. everyone else in town knew about his dark day, but not lorelai. and he made sure that he reached out to her in some way at least once on those days. just so that she wouldn’t get too worried.

because he knew lorelai, and he knew how much she’d care if she knew the truth. and he wasn’t ready for that. he wasn’t ready to open up to her. he wasn’t ready for her to care.

Also Things have definitely Happened and we’re just not being shown them yet. There’s whatever happened in Ben’s room when Chelsea left the camera there to go dance with Paige and Jaquie. There’s the thing Chelsea “had to capture”. There’s the reason John couldn’t sleep in Peter’s(?) room. Happenings are coming, mark my words.

(And for the record, I think the awkwardness between Rosa and Ben was just we’re-have-a-conversation-without-biting-each-others-heads-off-this-is-new weirdness - like, it’s 3am and they’re both tired and drunk/tipsy and don’t really have much to say to each other when they’re not trying to roast each other, so of course there’s going to be awkwardness and long pauses.)