weird shit i find at work

It’s okay, I miss home too.

the way that biologists pretend that plants don’t exist as a relevant biological system is so strange to me?

like plant biology is it’s own completely separate field from mainstream biology and you’ll be hard pressed to find a plant biologist in a general biology department but like plants are everywhere? and also actually very important to human civilization unlike, say, c. elegans or whatever weird invertebrate we’ve collectively decided is the next big model system

like you can’t convince me that one of the (many) reasons my bitter biology mom barbara mcclintock was ignored for so long was the fact that she worked in corn and people were like ‘well whatever she found, these so called “””transposons””” or whatever, aren’t actually relevant because like, who gives a shit about plants, am i right? now lets get back to counting the number of cells in this worm boys’

anyways plants are great and we should respect plant biologists more probably

anonymous asked:

This is not a prompt and I know you usually don't do asks... but! just in case: the finale is really messing up with my mind. The idea that she talks to him every day and he probably doesn't know she is alive is too much for me. What worries me the most is the idea of Bellamy getting romantic with somebody in the ark, given where the storyline is going do you think it's a possibility? How do you see things panning out?

In general, you’re right, I don’t do much speculation of this type, and I’m afraid I’m not going to start now. But here are some things that I consider to be important and good:

  • That was not a finale you write unless you care very, very deeply, about the relationship between Bellamy and Clarke. 
  • Clarke doesn’t really have a non-Bellamy love interest other than Niylah, and Niylah hasn’t ever really been treated like a love interest so much as a FWB. Obviously it’s possible they could leave her single or give her a new love interest from a number of places, but I think the lack of an extant obvious person is probably a good thing, in terms of Bellarke.
  • I also think their being separated makes it much more likely that the show is, if nothing else, considering making Bellarke canon. If they were together, they’d have to deal with their relationship in the Ark, with the following possible outcomes:
    • They get together during the time jump (unsatisfying)
    • They do not get together during the time jump and their relationship is at its current level for six years, and then they get together once they get back to Earth (bizarre and probably also unsatisfying)
    • They do not get together over the time jump because they are not interested in a romantic relationship and enter S5 as Firmly Just Friends (ugh)
    • They do not get together over the time jump because they have a Huge Falling Out and have to learn to be friends again on Earth (probably the most interesting of these but also like wtf why)
  • So being separated basically allows the writers to delay making a decision about whether or not they will be canon, whereas I think that leaving them together would have necessitated making that choice, and necessitated it in ways that would not be promising for the ship. I like the time jump, and as much as the sadness both of them are doubtless feeling during their separation hurts me, I much prefer it to the alternative, from both a story and shipping perspective.
  • Our cliffhanger was literally Clarke calling Bellamy EVERY DAY because she misses him so much and Bellamy being in actual mourning, so there is every reason to believe we are getting a fucking EPIC reunion.

On a broader note, I come from the old way of fandom, and from the old way of slash fandom, especially, where we never really expected our ships to become canon, and just sort of assumed every important conversation involving our OTP would end with some variation on “no homo,” so I get that my perspective on this is probably different from some people’s. Will I be frustrated if Bellamy and Clarke don’t mash their mouths together at some point? Yes, I totally will. I desperately want them to mash their mouths together, and I do think it’s pretty possible that they will. But my shipping of things has never really taken becoming canon as a very important factor in how much I enjoy them, so I am much more likely to think of all the reasons it might not happen to keep my expectations low than try to reassure myself that canonization is coming. So I’m not a good resource for that kind of reassurance.

But that also means what I mostly think about is all the things that will make me happy aside from actual face-mashing, and that finale was basically non-stop Bellamy and Clarke love each other so much, holy shit, with every indication that S5 will continue with that. And that is 900% what I’m about.

After Camp Campbell: Prompt

Basketball never was one of Max’s favorite sports. All the running was tiring and he was always too short to make a basket without help, but here he was now, as his first middle school basketball game.

“Max, hurry up! The game is about to start!” The coach called, causing Max to roll his eyes up to the heavens and then back down.

He didn’t want to be here. As a matter of fact, he’d rather be back at Camp Campbell with Gwen and David, and all of his friends. At least there he could swear at the people who were pissing him off.

But his parents didn’t want to bother with him still. So they signed him up for the first school club that had an opening and dropped him off by himself once again. They didn’t care to go to these stupid games just like how they didn’t care to go to see his camp or anywhere else they sent him.

‘I miss camp.“

"But summers over, Max.” He told himself as he pulled his jersey on. You can go back in 9 months.“

With a finale sigh, he slammed his locker door shut. Then opened it and slammed it again, and again, and again. Anything to let off some steam before he started this stupid game, playing with stupid people, while their stupid parents watched.

"Hey, Max?” That teammate (Max thought his name might be Joe, or Tim, something like that.) narrowly avoided Max’s misplaced rage, as a final locker slam was enough to drive most of it from him.

“What do you want, dork?” Max snapped, shuffling over to the locker-rooms bench to retie his shoes.

“T-there’s some weird guy in the bleachers looking for you- I think he might be your dad?” The boy explained.

“My dad? He’s at work tonight.” A thin eyebrow shot up in confusion.

“Skinny guy? Brown hair?” No way. It couldn’t be. “He kinda has a high pitched voice when people hit him?”

“Holy shit, that’s David!” Max exclaimed, pulling himself off of the bench and running as fast as he could out of the room.

He ran passed his couch, his stupid teammates, and right across the gym floor to find his team bleachers. He was going so fast, he didn’t realize he hadn’t finished tying his shoes-

SLAM!

Embarrassment and pain shot through his elbows and knees as he hit the floor, but he tried to brush it off long enough to look up and scan the crowd for David, but his hopes fell when he couldn’t pick the man out of the crowd.

“Must’ve been some other Max'a dad…” He concluded, wanting nothing more but to sink into the floor at that moment.

“Guess so, buddy!” A voice came from above him, lifting him off of the ground.

Max whipped around and looked up to find David himself standing over him. He looked a little strange out of his camp uniform, without camp behind him, but the rest of him had the same familiar comfort.

“David!? What are you doing here!? This place is almost an hour from cam-” Max started, but stopped when he spotted yet another familiar face over by the popcorn stand. “Gwen is here too!?”

“We don’t stay at camp all winter, Max.” David laughed. “Gwen and I live in the city when camp is out of season-”

“But what are you two doing here!?” The younger male exclaimed, his eyes widening.

“Isn’t it obvious? We came to watch your game! And we’re planning to come to all of them if we can get a schedule-” The man was stopped by a little pair of arms nearly crushing his windpipe for a second.

“Thanks, David.”

"I Have To Study” - a short story

I wanna dedicate this to my good friend, Melissa, who tried to convince me that the man in this story was gay. Turns out, it’s much worse. Love you.


About eight or nine months ago, I was riding on the train, on my way to my boyfriend’s house from work. Sitting across from me is one of the finest men I’ve ever seen IN PERSON. No exaggeration. He’s Mexican, clean-cut, well-dressed. Really pretty brown skin, dark hair kinda like that poofy up-do Bruno Mars used to have. Bushy brows, the way I like! He was wearing this tan trench coat and a serious ass expression on his face, and his hands were in his pockets. Basically looked like he didn’t wanna be bothered. It was sexy though lol. But obviously, I’m just looking because I’m happily taken at this point. 

The next day, when I head to lunch at work, I see the same guy in the cafeteria at my job. I was like what the fuck… is he following me? Lmao. He looked up when I came in but then ignored me completely. I stared at him the entire time until he got up and left, he was just too fine yall. I wish I could post pictures lmao. The next day, I saw him yet again and he was with a group of trainees. So finally it made sense why I saw him on the train and at my job. He was about to start working there *insert Birdman hand rub*. Lol even when I have a man, I can appreciate some eye candy around the workplace even if I have no intentions of trying anything. He worked in the department right next to mine and they were always over in our section so I got to look at him every day. I wasn’t the only one admiring either lol, even an older lady I know said every time he walked past her, she just

So anyway, fast forward to September 14, 2017.

Here’s the scene. It’s my 25th birthday. I’m at work looking cute as fuck. I’m single and tryna mingle. So I decide to go ahead and take a chance and shoot my shot at him. Umm.. we just gone call him Javi because I don’t wanna use his real name. 

So I been noticing lately that this guy I know in my department, we’ll call him Carter, has been hanging around Javi a lot lately. He stops at his desk every time he walks past and always goes to stand with him whenever we all do things as a group. One of my work friends who had an inckling that Carter was gay thought that something might be going on between them. I mean, anything is possible, but I wasn’t gonna assume that just based off of her thoughts. I mean, she thought her own boyfriend was gay when she first met him because he had a lisp. And her only reasoning for thinking Carter was gay was that he takes his shoes off sometimes when he’s sitting at his desk. 

Anyway, I approach Carter and bring up his friendship with Javi and ask how old he is? It turns out he’s way too young for my taste when it comes to dating, and I just say nevermind and walk away. But now Carter’s all in my business trying to find out why I’m curious and saying “I could get his number for you, I got you”. I decline, but of course when he comes back from his break, he has a sticky note with Javi’s name and number on it and hands it to me. Didn’t even tell the guy who I was, just that someone was interested in him. I had no intentions of using it at first cause I thought the shit was kinda creepy, butttttt he did know about it and gave his number up willingly. And in all honesty, I’d still hit even though I wouldn’t seriously date him. So what the hell, right?

So I text him that night and give him my name and he immediately knows who I am, even though we’ve never spoken before. He asked me what was on my mind and I told him straight up that I was really physically attracted to him and I wanted to know if we could be friends, who have sex sometimes lmao. He said we could talk. I’m like…..talk? And he said yeah, how else would anything start. So I’m thinking okay okay, so he’s fucking with it. He wants to make something happen. He said he saw my art that I’d presented at our work talent show that night and he asked to see more of it. And he’s clearly trying to keep the convo going so he must be interested. 

After a while though, I notice that he texts as if he’s writing poetry or bible verses or some shit. Like everything sound deep as fuck. And when I bring it up, he says the bible is his favorite book. I think back to all the times I saw him reading alone at lunch and realize oh..it was the bible. That’s cool or whatever. Then he sends me an actual bible verse. So I’m like “Okay so you’re very religious? Does this mean casual sex is out of the question? Or sex, period? I guess?” And he says “It hurts to say it, but yes. I would prefer to not induldge in that.”

NIGGA.

At this point, I’m thinking there’s no way my sex life could get any worse. There’s nothing that can happen that hasn’t already happened. And then I run into a nigga who’s saving himself for marriage. The one I been lusting after for eight months now. If yall know me at all, you know I wasn’t about to just completely give up after that. I was willing to settle for fucking MAKING OUT AND DRY HUMPING if I had to. I could always get intercourse from someone else lol. So I ask about kissing. He says “Haha I can give you a holy kiss, as saying hello”. I’m like no tongue???? What the fuck is happening? Why the fuck wouldn’t he tell me all this in the beginning when I first told him that I wanted to fuck? His response to that was that we wouldn’t be talking now if he had. 

So I just go ahead and let him know we can be cool and everything, but we’re just completely incompatible. I’m still in my hoe phase right now, I’m not trying to do anything but fuck and be friends. And he can’t give me the one thing I want most. Even if I didn’t just want sex, we wouldn’t work in a committed relationship either. I’m like the opposite of what a Christian man should be going after. And that’s coming from one wholesome motherfucker. We text more that night, pretty much just me asking him questions about his religion because I don’t know how all that works. I know Christian people, but obviously not any who takes it as seriously as he does. 

This nigga don’t listen to secular music, watch TV, or do anything for fun really (his words). He just goes to bible study every day, gets haircuts, eat, study, and talk. That’s what he listed as his favorite things to do. And since he’s constantly studying for church in his downtime, he pretty much never hangs out with anybody. He has friends at work but says they don’t hang out because they have different mindsets. He did mention that if I needed physical affection, he could give me a massage. That’s how he shows physical affection. It’s better than intercourse, according to him. But idek how to feel at this point, I was taking in too much information at once lmao. And every time I learned something new, I would think “He can’t be serious” “Am I being punk’d” “This nigga is not fr”. But he told me he wanted to help me with my Spanish, so I figured at least I had that. I really needed someone fluent to practice speaking it with. 

So the whole next week at work, whenever we walk past each other, he can’t help but smile at me and his smile is so pretty that I can’t help but smile back. It was lowkey pissing me off cause it wasn’t fair how fine he is and I can’t even put my hands on him!!!!! I’m sure we looked goofy as hell to everyone around us, steady smirking at each other like we was in on some inside joke nobody else knew about. We ate lunch together once. And we’d text each other in Spanish. He texted me every single day to say good morning and we’d have long convos after work til almost 3am. I found out he’s been looking at me just as long as I’ve been looking at him! He said he notices everything about me… when I change my hair, how I always sit at a desk in the back facing the wall, how I’m always so into my music at work. I never even knew he saw me at all before this. And naturally, all this shit is starting to make me feel mushy and I really did enjoy talking to him, even though I thought he was weird as fuck at first. 

And come to find out, he’s only been living his life this way for the past eight months (yeah, that’s right, eight months) when he really got into the bible more. I’m over here thinking he’s a complete virgin, but he’s had four girlfriends and has had sex before and been intimate in all the ways I WANTED to be intimate with him. Just not the past eight months. And if I allowed him to MASSAGE me, I’d be the first woman he ever did it to. I’m thinking okay… so if he’s never done it before, he has no idea how he’s gonna react to it when it’s actually happening. He’d told me before that he gets nothing out of sex beside some white creamy texture that comes out of him and makes him feel tingly, then he cleans himself and it’s over. Basically said he’d only have sex again to have the little girl he wants. He made it seem like he was really disgusted by it. And you know all my friends were like

They felt like he was into men and just hiding behind his religion. I didn’t know WHAT the fuck was going on. I  just knew he seemed to genuinely be into me and that was unfortunate because I was never gonna get to do him lol. I ain’t gone lie, after he said that shit I thought he might be gay too, but after being around each other more, I started defending him against my friends. Like shit… he just dedicated as fuck to his religion. I personally don’t understand it and wouldn’t wanna live that way, but he says he’s been tremendously happier in the past eight months and your happiness is the only thing that matters when it comes to how you live your life, nobody else’s. So I wasn’t about to try to corrupt him. But yall… he kept bringing up the massages. And Thursday night, the convo almost seemed…. sexual?

He said we can hang out any day as long as it doesn’t interfere with his work and that he was in need of a “rubbing”. He said he wanted us to “exchange rubbings” (LMAO) and that he wanted to give me that physical affection. Then he said it would be in his room or mine. Which threw me off…. cause I’m like ummm… he can massage a woman who’s not his wife alone in his bedroom? Idk, based on the other shit he told me, it didn’t seem like that would be appropriate? But shit, he knows better than me, so if he said it was cool it must be. And when I told him that he makes me blush a lot, he said “Without a touch? What will happen then?” and that I’d be overwhelmed…. and that shit made me think. Is this why tantric sex works so well???? LMAO. (I’ve always been interested in that, btw). 

But moving on. It’s Friday.

I notice he’s not at work that day. I was kinda sad about it cause I looked good as fuck, but whatever lol. When we text that night after I get home at midnight, he says he wants to hear me speak Spanish out loud and tells me to come over.

I’m like NOW??? After midnight??? He said he wanted me to come take a nap with him until he had to wake up at 4am to study for church, then he’d drive me home at 7 when he had to leave the house. Dude. So not only do you want me, a woman you’re not married to, to come over AFTER MIDNIGHT, but you wanna share a bed with me??? Solo???? En tu dormitorio?????!!! lmaooo. Nigga, I was stuffing White Castle in my face at the time, but I bagged that shit up real quick, fast, and in a hurry, took a good shit right quick, and got ready to go LMAOOOO. My friend was texting me saying I needed to gone head and let him put the tip in lol. But I’m like no…. I’m not gonna use this opportunity to try to pressure him. I respect his decision to not have sex til marriage and I enjoyed talking to him every day and didn’t wanna mess that up. Shit, I’m capable of laying next to a man I want and not jump his bones. I actually like when shit moves slow like that, the buildup makes everything better (when sex is actually the end goal). 

So I get all cute. He texts me when he’s outside. He smelling and looking good as fuck, as usual. And this time, he’s way more silly and normal than he is at work, and definitely more normal than he is through text. He was joking around with me the whole time, talking about how he had five aunts sleeping in bunk beds in his basement and I had to say hi to everybody when I got there lmaoo. And he was really laid back and cool as hell. Which just made me like him more. He teased me about turning the air on because I’m always cold. I was like “How would you know I’m always cold?” and he said “I already told you, I notice everything about you.” And I figured he must see me at work walking with my arms crossed trying to stay warm. *sigh*. 

When we get there, his room is fucking spotless as fuck. I was silently thanking God, ya’ll know I hate a man who lives dirty and Javi is only the second guy I’ve met who actually keeps his shit clean. I just sat down on the bed and he went and got us both some water, then he turned Netflix on this hugeeee fucking wide screen tv that was mounted on the wall. He had to go find the wifi password and shit cause he doesn’t actually use it because he doesn’t watch TV?? Idk why he has the biggest TV on earth in front of his bed then?? But whatever.

He had a nice BIG comfortable bed too, and he laid down sideways on my legs while I laid with my head against the headboard and we turned on The Office. Everything was going so chill…. we were laughing, talking, enjoying each other…. he touches my hands, asking me to rub his back and shit… ummhmmm… then he started to say something but stopped himself. And started mumbling. I’m like spit it out! He said he couldn’t if he wanted this space to stay holy and pure, and he knew what he was tryna say but it was about what was right and what was wrong. I said that’s fine, I’m not gonna try to persuade you to do anything you don’t wanna do. A little while later he was asking if I ever thought I would be there (I’m guessing with him, in his bed) and I said nope… it escalated quickly. And he agreed and said “a lot more could happen right now if we wanted it to…… but I can’t”. And once again I said I wasn’t gonna pressure him and didn’t wanna corrupt him. 

His dick was hard, I could tell cause he had these skinny ass jeans on before he laid down. And he took a pillow and said he was gonna sleep with it between his legs, tryna hide it and shit. He was telling me not to sleep on my side cause then he would have to come behind me. He took his shirt off. He said some more shit about where things could go at any moment and I asked him why he keeps talking about it if he doesn’t want it to happen?? Just going on and on and on. You wanna fuck or nah?? I would been down either way, but I needed him to make up his damn mind lmaobs. Then suddenly, this nigga jumps out of bed quick as fuck, turns the light on, starts putting a shirt on and I’m like what are you doing…. and he says he’s gonna take me home. WTF.

He was mumbling a bunch of shit….all I caught was “I guess this is my way of apologizing” but I didn’t care about what he was saying. I was just like whatever… put my shoes on and grabbed my bag. He was obviously confused about what he wanted. I knew this shit would happen. I don’t even know why I went. He was way too confident in his abilities to avoid temptation and talking about how only people with no equanimity allowed themselves to be tempted. So while we in the car, the convo went like this:

Me: Are you taking me home because you’re scared you might try something? 

Him: Why would I be scared, if I wanted to try something I would have done it 

Me: Then why are you taking me home?

Him: I have to study

Me: Okay but you were gonna study and take me home at 7am so what’s the problem?”

Him: I have to study

And that’s when I got mad and let him talk to himself for the rest of the ride home. I couldn’t believe this shit. I was gone for only two hours. I decided I was gonna leave him alone because he obviously needs to get his thoughts together on what he wants to do. It was all on him…. HE asked me to come over, HE asked me to share a bed with him, HE was the one all over me in bed and saying suggestive things, I was just going with the flow. Yeah, he was looking good as fuck and he thick as hell and his ass was looking extra grippable, but I didn’t try anything, didn’t even flirt. I was being respectful as fuck. I wasn’t gonna be the one he blamed for making him stray away from God or whatever the fuck lmao. So that has been my week. It’s the afternoon the next day now and I woke up thinking about this shit because his scent is still on me  *eyeroll*

THE END.

Originally posted by zombiedisco5150

I never understood why Samus gets so much hate from some people about her skimpy outfits. The woman has literally found a way to make a living at a job where she doesn’t have to do the two things people on Tumblr hate most:

Wearing pants and interacting with people.

Actually, she’s kind of the perfect millennial Tumblr icon. She lives alone in tiny quarters. She’s perpetually single. She’s socially awkward as shit. And she works too many hours to have a family so she finds a weird animal and basically starts treating it like her baby. 

I mean, if she hadn’t give the Metroid larva to the Feds, you know she’d have an entire fucking Instagram dedicated to the thing. 

I mean just think about it:

GF Soldier: Hey, Samus! Long time no see! How have you been?

Samus: I found a creature and decided it was my child. Let me tell you all about The Baby in repetitive, excruciating details.

GF: Samus, that was a rhetorical question… I was just being polite.

You can practically see her whipping out her iPhone and scrolling through pictures of the Metroid doing various mundane activities like people do with their cats. Some of the pictures probably have captions. And she thinks they’re the best thing ever.

Bottom line: Samus is socially awkward, hates pants, acts like her pets are her children, and avoids interacting with humans. Plus she was born in 1986. Samus is a millennial icon.

King and Queen- Josh Dun

Request-  Can you do one where Josh and Y/N are 10 years apart? He’s 28 and she’s 18 and a lot of fans are giving them shit but both their families, Tyler and Jenna are super supportive Because Y/N treats Josh like a freaking King and she’s mature for her age

“Y/N I love your senior quote in the yearbook. It’s so poetic. I’m shocked you didn’t pick a quote from a Twenty One Pilots song.” Your friend Maddie told you.

“Yeah, I just really liked this quote better. Also I thought I would be a little weird to quote my bo-” you cut yourself off from saying anymore.

Nobody but your parents,Tyler, Jenna, and his family knew about you and Josh’s relationship and you weren’t planning on telling anyone soon.

“Your what? Fantasy boyfriend Josh?” She teased.

“Yeah. Exactly.” You pushed it off not wanting to let it slip that you have been dating Josh for the past 15 months.

You had met Josh about over a year ago at a club. You were underage and used a fake I.D. to get in. You saw Josh from across the club and his bright pink hair caught your eye. He came over to you and started to talk to you and the both of you instantly had a connection. He didn’t know you were only 17 at the time until he asked if you wanted to head back to his place. That’s when you warned him that you were only 17. He didn’t care, because he wanted to get to know you more than to have sex with you. You were pretty mature for your age and the connection you two had made the age difference seem like nothing.

After hanging out and going on small dates for about 2 months Josh finally asked you out. You didn’t want to tell your parents, fearing they would say it was unacceptable that you were dating someone 10 years older than you. Josh insisted saying it was the right thing to do. They took it fairly well just warning Josh to not mess anything up.

Now 15 months into the relationship you were about to walk across the stage of you high school and be in the real world. You were excited, because that meant you and the yellow haired boy you loved so much can go far away for a bit together.

Your friends were all fans of Twenty One Pilots and whenever they brought them up you so badly wanted to talk about Josh. When your friend went on about how hot Josh was you got a bit jealous, but she didn’t know you were dating so you couldn’t be mad. When Josh went on tour you facetimed nightly and he made sure to stop by whenever he had a day off to see you. You and all your friends went to the concert that was closest to you and when you went missing after the show you had to come up with an excuse that you got sick and your mom came to pick you up, when really you were hanging out Tyler, Jenna, and Josh then later went to Josh’s hotel room for some “privacy”.

Everyone who knew about you two were super nice about it and often forgot you were still in high school. You talked about mature topics and you got along with everyone. Jenna and you were extremely close too. She always said you were like her long lost twin.

When you turned 18 Josh made sure to see you and spend as much time with you as possible. It was hard since he spent a lot of time on the road, but you didn’t mind, your facetime dates were always some of the best.

It was the night before your graduation and you were on the phone with Josh. It was one of your usual facetime dates. He was at the airport on his way back to you and you laid on your bed taking in the sight of your boyfriend.

“So you excited to graduate babe?” he asked.

“Yup, but I’m more excited to see you.” you said.

“I know. Only 11 hours, 45 minutes and 43 seconds.” Josh said looking down at his watch.

“That’s cute you have a count down.”

“I’m always counting down for you baby.” he said and you laughed.

“I love you, but it’s getting late and I should probably sleep.” you said while yawning.

“Alright. Good night love.” he said blowing you a kiss then hanging up.

You fell asleep and before you knew it the feeling of lips on your forehead woke you up.

“Josh.” you nearly tackled him with a kiss.

“Good morning beautiful.” he said before kissing you again.

“I’m so glad you’re here” you said hugging him close.

“I know and although I would love to hold you all day, it’s almost 10 and you need to get ready.” he said letting you go.

You frowned before walking over to your vanity where you started your makeup. After 2 hours of makeup, hair, and conversation you were finally ready.

“Wow, you look stunning.” Josh said before kissing your lips deeply, then there was a knock on your door and you mom came in.

“Sorry to barge in, but we have to go. Oh Josh It’s good to see you.” she said hugging Josh.

“You too. Now you heard her Y/N, go get our graduate butt in the car.” he said and you rolled your eyes while walking out of your bedroom and downstairs.

Once at the ceremony you had to part ways with Josh early and you left him with your parents. They all got along quite well so you had nothing to worry about. It was better if he wasn’t near you, because you didn’t want anyone knowing you were dating. You hoped nobody recognized him or asked who he was with.

You met up with a few friends and took a seat. After waiting for a while Maddie nudged you.

“Y/N look there is someone with Yellow hair over there.” she said pointing to Josh. “what if it’s Josh Dun.” she laughed.

“Maddie stop, why would Josh Dun be here.” you said then changed the topic again.

It was finally time for your name to be called so you could walk across the stage.

“Y/N Y/L/N.” the speaker said and many cheers were heard.

You knew Josh was cheering and it made you happy knowing he had come.

Once the rest of the ceremony ended you quickly found Josh and your family (thanks to his hair).

“Y/N congratulations.” Josh hugged you tight.

“Thanks, but keep it casual.” you whispered in his ear and he let go of you.

“So let’s get out of here before anyone recognizes Josh. We’ll do pictures back at home.” your dad said.

You and Josh walked back to the car distance between the two of you. It was times like these that it was hard to not be able to hold hands with your boyfriend or simply walk next to him, but it was better this way.

Once you got in the car you pulled out your phone that was buzzing like crazy.

There was a bunch of texts from your friend Maddie telling you to look at Josh’s snapchat story. You immediately opened snapchat and went to Josh’s snapchat story. There was a 10 second video of your name being called while you crossed the stage and him cheering.

“JOSH.” you said while hitting his knee.

“What?” he asked confused.

“Why did you put this on your story?” you asked while playing the video again.

“Oh shit. I meant to send that to Jordan and Ashley. I’ll take it down.”

“Josh I bet a lot of people already saw it. What are we going to do?” you aid franticly.

“I say just leave it. Let people guess who you are. I mean it’s only a matter of time before people catch on.” he said calmly, helping you calm down.

“You’re right. Plus people are just going to think I’m like your younger cousin or something. Which is gonna be weird when they find out we’re dating.” you said and Josh laughed.

“See it’ll all work out. Now let’s go back to your house and party.” he said pumping his fist in the air.

-2 months later-

“Y/N, I’m so glad you and Josh decided to make your relationship public. It’s so exciting being able to go out with the both of you and not have an awkward distance between the two of you.” Jenna told you.

“Yeah it’s great.” you said with a fake smiling.

“What’s wrong?” she asked sitting down next to you.

You sat there and listened to the song playing in the background for a minute before answering.

“Just people say things about us and our relationship and they don’t even know anything about me. People say I pay for Josh to date me and I’m probably a complete nag being 10 years younger than him and all.”

“You can’t listen to them. They all just want to be in your shoes. Josh loves you and you’re not a nag at all. I often forget you’re even younger than us. You’re very mature and I know for a fact that they don’t know the first thing about you. If they saw how much of a king you treat Josh, they would love you. I think once you give it some time, they will warm up to you.” Jenna told you and the music ended.

You saw the two boys running off stage so you stood. Josh opened his arms for a hug and you dodged him, but he still got a hold of you.

“Ew, you’re all sweaty and gross.” you whined trying to squirm out of his grasp.

“Say you love me and I’ll let go.” he told you and you laughed.

“I love you.” you rushed.

“Say it and mean it.” he told you.

“I love you.” you said slower then kissed him.

“That’s better.” he said letting you go.

“So adorable.” Tyler said walking away with Jenna following him.

No it was just you and Josh. well there were other people around, but it just felt like the two of you. It always did.

“I always mean it when I say it.” you said.

“I love you too.” he said kissing you again. “Now you need a shower and so do I. What do you say we save some water and take one shower.” he said with a smirk on his face pulling you along to the shower.

He really was your king and you were his queen. You didn’t care what his fans said. They didn’t understand and they never. They didn’t know you but Josh did and his opinion was the only one that mattered to you.

4

I found some interesting things on the internet and put it together… Not quite horror though.

• All the Autobots, Decepticons, and the humans friends end up in some place where this monster is (M.E.C.H. has a Death Labyrinth™ somewhere in Canada). Optimus and Megatron come to an agreement to work together to get out.

• Weird shit starts happening as the monster is coming after them

• Knockout and Breakdown break off from the group. Starscream tags along

• Cliff and Miko have disappeared (oh look he’s alive…Maybe)

• Wheeljack finds a good hiding place for he and Bulkhead. Wheeljack starts MacGyvering the shit out of anything he can find to make traps and bombs.

• Optimus and Bee are trying to keep everyone together. They comfort the others.

• Ultra Magnus and Dreadwing continuously bitch at each other because they have contradicting orders for everyone’s survival. It doesn’t help that Fowler yacks at them too. Megs eventually becomes done with their shit and asserts himself

• Something crashes

• “Who’s there?!” - Arcee

• “It’s the monster!” - Smokescreen

• “There. Is. No. Monster!” - Jack

• The noises stop.

• Meanwhile in another part of the maze, Breakdown is being dragged off by the monster. Starscream and Knockout try to help him, but ultimately fail. The monster drags Breakdown away to Primus knows where. A fight between Screamer and KO happens involving whether they should find Breakdown or find a way out.

• Back to everyone else!

• Panic and hysteria! People are beginning to suspect that SHOCKWAVE created the monster.

• Predaking, who decided to keep a look our for the monster, gets a little offended by this remark to his ‘creator’, but keeps it to himself.

• Suddenly the monster appears from the ceiling! *Terrified shrieking* OP+UM guides the Autobots away, Megs orders the cons to do the same. Fowler gets Jack and Raf.

• Megatron turns to face the monster with his sword out. Almost immediately he’s pinned down by it. June notices this and shouts for Optimus’ help.

• The monsters tail smacks OP HARD into the wall, knocking him out temporarily.

• “Nooo!” - June

• June picks up a crowbar and begins running towards the monster. She throws the crowbar at it, gaining it’s attention. The monster takes notice and grabs her with it’s tail. It then proceeds to headbutt Megs and drag him away while Dreading, Arcee, and Optimus shoot at it.

• “Holy fragging scrap it just took on Megatron without breaking a SWEAT!” - Wheeljack

• “Yeah, but did you notice it was licking his faceplates? I think it was trying to be friendly.” - Smokescreen

• “Smokescreen?” - “Yeah?” - “That’s bullshit.” - “Just voicing my thoughts, Agent Fowler.”

• Ratchet believes that Smokey might actually be right, as it is a common trait among Earth life to do this. (I’m thinking in terms of cats and dogs)

• Bulkhead, Wheeljack, Arcee, Predaking, Jack, Ultra Magnus, AND Soundwave don’t believe that this is the case.

• Optimus does sort of believe him tho because they’re besties

• Jack is distressed and wants to go find his mom. Dreadwing and Predaking also wish to find Megatron.

• They attempt to find the exit. They move around by using the hand on the wall technique. They walk in a single file line with Optimus in the front, and Predaking in the back. Smokescreen manages strikes up a conversation with Shockwave, who surprisingly talks with him.

• Smokescreen sets Raf on his shoulder and he listens to Smoke and Shock.

• Every once in a while Raf says something to make it more interesting.

• Arcee, Jack, and Predaking are in the back. Arcee comforts Jack. Predaking asks what Jack’s relationship is to June and learns about human families. Predaking makes a connection between June and Shockwave. He decides that he’ll take more interest in Shockwave’s health in the future

• Soundwave decides to be near Optimus and Ratchet.

• They start noticing a very foul smell. Raf throws up, but not before Smokescreen takes him off his shoulder armor. Shockwave notes it’s nastiness and asks Raf why it happens.

• Before Raf can explain, Cliffjumper appears out of the shadows and runs straight towards Optimus. Arcee immediately jumps out of line and asks him where he was and where is Miko.

• “Oh she’s with Lucy and the others! They’re fine.” - Cliffjumper

• “Who is ‘Lucy’?” - Optimus

• “Sweetest thing to ever live down here.” - Cliffjumper

• Cliff leads them into the center of the maze, telling them about how M.E.C.H.s ancestor dealt with bioweaponry and creating mutants. Lucy was one of the first things that they created, and threw away.

• Lucy was just one of many mutants that had been made. There were at 13 other mutants, all of which except one. The last one turned on them and began to eat his creators, and then his brothers.

• Lucy had been the only one who survived the massacre. She could evade the rouge mutant but she could not escape the maze.

• “Why not?” - Raf, who is a little horrified by the tale.

• Cliffjumper doesn’t answer, instead he stops walking. The others see that they’ve come to a large door. Cliff turns around and whispers to them that they must move slowly and stay quiet.

• Cliff opens the door slowly to reveal a large dome shaped hanger. In the center sits a furry beast larger than both Optimus and Megatron put together. The bots immediately recognized it as the thing that had attacked them earlier.

• The beast turned towards their entourage and stares at them intently. June and Miko both run out from under the beast to the bots. June ran to her son and Miko ran for Wheeljack and Bulkhead.

• Cliff explains that the beast in the center of the room was Lucy and she dragged them here to the safest place in the maze.

• Lucy is covered in dark brown fur that almost looked black in their current lighting. Two ebony horns emerged from her head and arched over her neck. The claws on her hands were over three feet long and we’re as black as her horns. She had a long tail that stretched over 70 feet long. Overall Lucy was shaped like a human, but she walked on all fours like a gorilla.

• When Cliff and Miko wandered off from the pack they found Lucy roaming the halls. Cliff was intrigued but a bit tense about her whereas Miko immediately thought she was awesome. Apparently she approached Lucy only somewhat cautiously. Lucy was a bit startled by Miko’s enthusiastic greeting but learned to like her pretty quickly.

• It wasn’t too long before Lucy had sensed danger. She picked up Miko and grunted at Cliff. He had no clue as to why until an armor rattling shriek came from the darker end on the hallway.

To be continued… Maybe

2

Imagine:

Deadpool finding the weird photoshopped pictures of himself on your computer.

••• Requested by Anon •••

“How the shit did you get into my computer?!” You screamed at Wade the minute you entered the apartment, seeing hundreds of printed pages of the stupid photoshopped works you had saved to your documents. “It’s password protected!”

“It ain’t anymore!” Wade cheered, throwing a handful of the photos up in the air and spinning around in a circle like some musical extra. “You should have told me how much you like my handsome mug!”

kyogre-blue replied to your post “Pudding: *is a highly intelligent, cunning and cruel woman who is the…”

OK, but the weirdest part is that a third eye somehow makes her ugly, in this world? There’s fish people, mermaids, people who are furry for no clear reason, etc. A third eye is nothing and Pudding is so conventionally attractive otherwise, this is just wild.

Yeeep. This is crappy on two levels. One is that, like you said, the Grand Line is just filled with non-typical humans. We’ve got mermaids, fishmen (and women), giants, dwarfs, actual literal furries, Longarms and Longlegs, Snakenecks, and plenty of people who are just have unusual shapes and features! And nearly all of those people are a part of Big Mom’s kingdom. Regardless of her motives (which pretty much boil down to self-advancement and greed), her kingdom is possibly the most diverse place in the world. 

But despite that, we’re supposed to believe that Pudding, a DAUGHTER OF BIG MOM and a person who is simply half descended from a group of people who all have 3 eyes (and are literally called the Three-Eye Tribe), was ostracized and bulled since her childhood for having one extra eye? Her oldest brother has a tongue that’s like as big as his arm. She has a sister who is half shark. She has another brother who looks like some kind of dripping muck monster. Oh, but Pudding having a third eye is just too much. It’s the crap with Baby 5 all over again but actually even less well developed this time. 

And it’s not just unbelievable within the story. It’s unbelievable to the audience. No one—NO ONE—looked at Pudding when we first met her and went “Oh wow that third eye is so weird/ugly. Poor her I bet she gets a lot of shit for that.” Most people just thought, “Oh cool, a cute girl with 3 eyes.” And yet now we have a feature that absolutely no one thought lessened Pudding’s attractiveness in any way being treated like some horrible deformity that Sanji should be lauded and applauded for for finding beautiful. It doesn’t work. At all. 

Sanji and his reaction to Pudding’s eye, compared to his and other characters’ reactions to other women in the story is the other problem here. A woman is half fish? A woman is half dog is covered from head to toe in fur? A woman has 3 eyes? All great, all wonderful, all hot and beautiful and Sanji is going to drool all over them. 

A woman who isn’t young, thin, and cis?

Oda treats women with fictional qualities better then he treats actual, realistic women. Don’t worry female readers of all ages! Oda wants you to know that if you have a third eye or are literally half dog or fish, Sanji will blown away by how gorgeous you are! 

But do you weigh any more than a woman with a waist like this? 

Lamo it’s time for *jokes*

Good Girl CH 4: Virgin

“Now tell us what the hell is going on.” Namjoon demands the minute Jin sits me down on the nice sectional couch.  He sits down in front of me on the glass coffee table. The living room is massive with floor to ceiling windows that look over a pool with the beach not far in the distance. I do my best not to gawk and focus on my very upset friends in front of me.

“There was that shoot out at the club; Jihyo and I got out threw the back window into the back alley where I saw Kitty oppa shoot some guy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He saw me when he was going threw the dead guys wallet and picked me and said he wanted to take me home and here we are.” I explain as best as I can.

Jin sits down next to me, “But why are they this protective over you? I’ve never seen them like this.”

I shrug, “Jihyo and I were drinking last night so I got all weird and they seem to like it. How long have you known them? What are you guys doing here?”

Jin sighs, sitting back into the couch he looks to his youngers for help. Yoongi comes over and sits on the coffee table next to Namjoon, “The best way to explain it without telling you too much is that we work for them, and we have for a couple years. They helped us out when we were younger, helped us find each other and get our shit together. Now we don’t have that much time to talk about this so can we put those questions aside for another time?” From the concern on Yoongi’s normally passive face I nod, a new worry climbs up my spine from their seriousness.

“We need you to understand that you are not safe here,” Namjoon starts, “Even though these guys have helped us and we are forever indebted to them, you are our friend and we do not want to see anything bad happen to you.”

Despite my mind telling me not to I can’t help but ask, “What would they do to me?”

“Please don’t make us answer that,” Jin begs, grabbing a hold of my hand, “Just know it isn’t good.”

“Noona,” Jongkook sits down on my other side and takes my free hand. “Just use your magic to make them let you go, they seem to do anything you ask. They even let you touch them; they always react very badly to people doing that.”

“I can’t, I already told them I would stay if they let me talk to you,” I nibble on my lip as I think of what Kookie could mean by they react very badly.

“How long do you think you are going to be staying?” Hoseok asks.

I shrug, “I don’t know, I’m hoping Handsome and Deer oppa will convince the others to let me go home.”

“Handsome and Deer?” Jimin laughs.

“Like I said, I don’t know names.”

“Their names are Suho and Luhan,” Namjoon says.

“Maybe it’s better if she doesn’t know their names,” Taehyung pipes in, “It will make her seem like less of a threat.”

They all nod in agreement, Jimin starts giving me tips, “Don’t ask any questions either, I know you aren’t usually the curious type but I mean absolutely no questions. The less you know, the better.”

“Try not to be alone with anyone. Where did you sleep last night?” Jin asks.

“With Kitty.”

They all stare at me dumbstruck but Namjoon shakes off his shock first, “Xiumin hyung let you sleep next to him?”

“Is that really weird or something? I heard that they don’t take girls home often.”

They nod, “It’s incredibly rare for them to take anyone here, let alone without hurting them or killing them. Are you sure you’re okay? They can’t hear us,” Jin worrying is usually cute but right now it’s only unnerving me. I may not have an issue with dying but torture or rape isn’t something I want going on in between.

I shake my head, “They were really nice to me, they even left the room when I was changing, Kai is the only one who has actually tried anything with me but even then, the others scolded him for it.”

“Is that why you aren’t afraid of them?” Jimin asks.

“I wasn’t afraid of them because they didn’t set off my alarms.”

“Wasn’t?” Namjoon echoes, “You can’t be afraid of them because of what we told you, they are going to be pissed.”

“What do you except from me Joonie? You basically tell me they rape, torture and murder everyone who comes into this house and expect me to stay calm? You’re joking right?” I almost yell. “I was perfectly fine until you told me all this stuff. I know I should have been afraid of them, I have that much common sense, but they didn’t set off my alarms. Those are what I live my life by, they have never steered me wrong but now you guys have me questioning it. Why couldn’t you guys just leave it alone?”

“Please calm down,” Namjoon covers my mouth. “If you are afraid of them it will only make things worse for both of us, so please try and act normal.”

Our conversation is interrupted by a bear like voice shouting in the doorway, “Talking is done! Time to play!” The elf comes charging down the three steps into the living room, the big smile on his cute face drops when he sees the seven boys crowding me and Namjoon’s hand over my mouth. He looks incredibly pissed at the fear that is probably in my eyes by now. “What did you tell her?” The elf growls, his glare set on Namjoon.

“Hyung, calm down,” Namjoon stands up, his hands in the air in surrender. “We were just talking, everything is fine.”

“No,” Elf snaps, “She looks scared because you told her something.”

“Yeolie,” Puppy comes in, a confused look on his face but as he realizes the situation from Elf’s frown to my obvious fear he gets mad too. “What happened?”

“Everyone just calm down,” Namjoon tries his best to seem calm himself but I can see him shaking. I sink lower in my seat, trying to hide behind Jin, who is obviously tense at the on coming situation.

“Suho hyung!” Puppy yells down the hall.

“Baekhyun hyung, why does he need to come?” Yoongi says nonchalantly, he seems to be the most calm out of all of us. The group of boys appears in the doorway, their eyes try and see past Namjoon, who takes a step back to hide me from their eyes.

“Namjoon,” Suho growls, “I warned you not to scare her.”

“We didn’t scare her, we just told her the hazy truth.”

“What the hell does that mean?” Kai snaps.

“Did you see the way she looked at me when I came in? She looks horrified.” Elf growls.

“That’s because you keep yelling, your voice would probably scare her normally, let alone you yelling about everything,” Jin snaps at him. An angry Jin isn’t something I see often. Elf steps back, even though he is angry he understands his wrongdoing.

“Little one,” Kitty purrs coming to the front of the group. Though he has a sweet smile on his face I have a strong feeling if I don’t react well, he won’t either.

“Yes oppa?” I answer quietly from behind Jin.

There is silence for a moment before he responds, I can tell he is closer this time, “Little one, don’t you want to come see your oppa? These boys didn’t scare you away from us did they?”

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

“What does that mean sweetheart?” Dragon comes closer, like Kitty I can tell this man is also trying his best to stay calm.

“The alarms in my head still don’t go off but,” I pause as I try and think of the right words so my friends don’t get in trouble.

“You said you weren’t afraid of dying, what else could we really do to you?” Kitty asks, right on the other side of the coffee table now. He reaches across and pushes Namjoon out of the way, next he signals a very reluctant Jin to move as well. Soon all of my friends have left me on the couch alone and defenseless against the twelve pairs of eyes that are waiting for my response. “Now tell me Little one, what else could we possibly do to you?”

I blink up at him for a minute, gulping when I see the anger growing in his eyes, in all of their eyes as they scan me as well. Their glare shifts to my friends who are standing by the window with their heads hanging low, waiting for the punishment they know is going to come.

“Can I try talking to her?” Dimple comes forward from the group, looking like an innocent angel with his small smile. With a clenched jaw Kitty nods and steps away from the coffee table, his eyes never leaving me. Dimple isn’t hesitant when he comes closer, coming around the coffee table to sit down next to me. Like most of them, the alarms in my mind are silent, while my common sense is screaming at me to be afraid. “Hello Beautiful,” He says softly, he is even brave enough to hold one of my hands in both of his like Jin was doing earlier. I’m surprised when I feel the same comfort as if Jin himself was doing it.

I blink at him a few times before I say, “Hello Dimple.” The boy laughs charmingly and I suddenly find myself falling under his spell and smiling along with him.

“Now Beautiful, could you tell me what these naughty boys told you about us?” He cocks his head cutely. I nibble on my lip for a second.

“Stopping doing that little one, you’re giving your oppas bad thoughts,” Kitty says as he sits down on my other side. I release my lip before staring down at my lap, a blush crawls across my face.

“They just told me things I kind of already figured, but chose to ignore.” I answer honestly.

“About what?” Dimple strokes my head softly, something Kitty does not appreciate but allows to happen.

“About what could happen to me in between now and when you kill me, if I stay here.”

“Is this because of what Kai was trying?” Bitch face, I mean Sehun, asks glaring at his tan hyung.

“No,” I can’t help but look to my friends for help I know I’m not going to get.

“She was fine before you idiots showed up!” Sehun snapped at my friends.

“Why did you guys have to ruin the one friend who wasn’t afraid of us?” Puppy growls.

“You expect us to believe she was actually your friend?” Yoongi dares to scoff, ignoring all of his friends’ eyes that are begging him to stop talking. “You were just going to play with her, and I mean your guys kind playing, not the kind she was picturing in her innocent little head, and than kill her like she was nothing. We know what happens here, we have no right to judge you because we are a part of this life now too but we don’t have to sit here and watch our friend get pulled down into too.”

“She’s different,” Sehun reasons. “We like her.”

“But how long will that last?”

“We don’t know,” Kai answers.

“And you still expect us to leave her here with you guys with that answer. You guys wouldn’t even let us talk to her, her friends that she has know for a few years, without some kind of promise in return.”

Suho steps forward to answer, “How about we promise that we will not even touch her, without her permission?”

“And if you don’t keep your promise?”

“We will beat that person to death,” Kitty deadpans. I’m surprised when the rest of the group nods in unison. Like me, my friends stare at them dumbstruck.

Clapping his hands together Kitty smiles at me, “Now we can play!” Suddenly, the hostility they had in their eyes disappears and is replaced with playfulness.

“No,” This time it’s Suho to stop the fun, earning a glare from Kitty. “Someone needs to brief the boys on what happened last night.”

“You’re the leader, what does that have to do with me?” Kitty looks back to me. Without another word Suho comes over and picks me up, I wrap myself around him so I don’t fall. “What the hell?”

“You are going to brief them, you and Kris,” Suho states as he sits down a few seats away from Kitty and Dimple, with me on his lap.

“Why?” Both roar as they glare at their leader who seems to be far too focused on me to care.

“You both are closer to her, so this gives the rest of us time to play with her,” Suho grins at me.

“This is so unfair,” Kitty whines.

“You got to sleep with her,” Dimple reasons.

“You slept with her!” Hoseok belts out. “You took our precious Jooyoung’s virginity?”

“Oppa!” I snap, trying to climb off Suho who just tightens his hold on my hips.

“Virginity?” The group echoes their eyes go to me.

I nod, “Virgin.”

i always find it funny - and this has happened a couple times over the years - where i’ll meet someone and they’re absolutely like,,, in shock and awe cause they never thought theyd get to speak with me

and then they become friends with me

and then realise im a piece of shit and leave

For The Love Of Harry, Chapter One

Okay, everyone! After reading dozens and dozens of Harry fanfics, I’ve decided to throw one of mine into the pot. I’ve been writing Harry stories for a couple of years now, having dozens stored in my database, but not having the confidence to share them with another soul. I’ve been writing for years, but I’m new to the world of fan fiction, so please bear with me. I normally write novel/screenplay stories, so fanfics are a new challenge, and I love a good challenge. I wrote in the narrative of what I like to read personally, placing the reader in the story. This is Chapter One of my first shared story. I appreciate any feedback from anyone who will offer it, as this will determine if I continue writing them for you, or fall back to writing them only for myself. With a good enough response, I would be happy to share more, and accept prompts and ideas for further writing. As a small note, Chapter One only contains a hint toward the smut. I tend to like a bit of smut, but my main focus is to offer a good, hopefully believable, story with relatable characters. I struggle with a feeling of guilt concerning smut, feeling that it could be offensive and disrespectful toward Harry personally, sexualizing him and such. That’s my own demon to face. What I know is I love writing stories involving Harry. He’s a fun character to write, and that reflects on what an intriguing person he is in reality. So, here you go! Part One of my first shared writing, For The Love Of Harry.

*********

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi there! I was wondering if you knew any fics similar to A Story To Tell The Grandcubs by mass_hipgnosis (in this fic stiles is trying to avoid his ex in a bar and when the ex comes up to stiles, stiles quickly grabs the nearest[hottest] stranger [derek] and pretends he's his boyfriend) any variance of this type of avoiding ex meets strangers to lovers?? P.S. I'm so sorry I always have these weird specific requests but thank you so much for everything you find!

I love this trope! - Anastasia

Originally posted by thebloodofanevilangel

A Story To Tell The Grandcubs by mass_hipgnosis

(2/2 I 3,625 I Explicit)

Stiles asks the stranger standing next to him at the bar for help avoiding his creepy ex boyfriend

***

Too Early For This Shit by smokesforsterek

(1/1 I 1,840 I Teen)

Stiles’ ex comes banging on his door at 7am. After a small amount of persuasion, Derek answers the door, butt naked, to scare him away. It works.

You look like my next mistake by Vendelin

(1/1 I 15,194 I Teen

“So, are you dating someone new? Someone who doesn’t mind that you’re frigid?” Kate cocks her head to the side, smiling as though she just asked him about where he bought his shoes.

His entire body sighs in defeat as his shoulders grow square. Just as he opens his mouth, someone comes up to stand beside him, snaking an arm around his shoulders. When he glances to his side, expecting to see Isaac, his brain seems to malfunction. Because it isn’t Isaac. It’s Stiles Stilinski, the lacrosse talent of the year, a senior who Derek has seen multiple times from far away, but never ever talked to.

In which Derek is a nerd jock, and Stiles is a frat guy, and Derek falls for him even though he knows he shouldn’t.

Can’t Be Seen Alone by skinsharpenedteeth (Gavinscotts)

(9/9 I 42,933 I Explicit)

Derek needs a date for his company Christmas party to prove to his ex-alpha, Kate, that he is over her. With the help of Issac, Boyd, and Erica (mainly Erica) they find Stiles, the company psychologist and unassuming Alpha. Fake loves turns real when chemistry abounds but will their budding romance survive Kate’s psychotic tendencies?

Real Lies by mmmdraco

(14/? I 49,597 I Explicit)

When confronted with his past, Stiles accidentally finds himself stuck in a white lie about dating Derek Hale, successful hotelier. The only problem is that Derek finds out.

Something between You and Me by angelaccountant

(8/? I 63,405 I Explicit)

Quickly, Stiles turned around to whisper in the handsome stranger’s ear, “Please act with me on this,” before giving the man he had only met less than five minutes ago a peck on the cheek and a flirtatious smile. This was so not the way Stiles had planned his day going.

Or the one where Stiles pretends to be dating Derek to get away from his ex.

infinitely-prolonged replied to your post “Just a heads up, but Geno is already married. You can search here: dcr…”

“weeding ceremony” is probably both a typo and a wonderful crack fic prompt

OMFG I DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE!!!

ok, ok, so like, the Weeding Ceremony™ is exactly what it sounds like. Rusty always finds it hysterical, because none of the rookies ever believe them when they say, “No really, every year, Sidney Crosby hosts a Weeding Ceremony™ on Geno’s behalf. It’s, like, tradition.”

In truth, Rusty isn’t entirely sure why Sid feels the need to host the silly event every year, but they’re all willing to do a lot of weird shit in the name of team bonding, and it seems to work for Sid and Geno and their weird not-relationship.

(Rusty knows about their friends-with-benefits arrangement – there is not a player on the team who hasn’t accidentally stumbled over them at one point or another – but Sid and Geno insist on keeping up the pretence of being nothing more than friends, and Flower and Duper had a long and complicated explanation for why this was and why they should all leave them to it or they’d have to deal with Tanger. Tanger, standing off to the side, smiling crookedly with his arms crossed over his chest, had looked particularly wild around the eyes, and Rusty had resolved to never, ever, confront Sid and Geno about their – so, so weird – not-relationship.)

So anyway, Geno’s mansion comes with an enormous yard and a beautiful garden that he usually has a staff maintaining throughout the season. But from August to October, the staff is on an annual two-month break.

Sid tells them this is because James Neal had once declared that Geno would be useless at gardening because they all know he lets his potted plants die unless someone (Sid) reminds him to water them, and Geno had taken such offence at this outrageous claim he’d determined to tend to his own gardens once he returned from Russia one summer.

Geno claims he managed just fine on his own for about a month, but Kuni once spilled the beans and revealed that he’d bought all of the tools and then had immediately called Sid for help because he had no idea where to start (Sid, who’d been playing street hockey with the Kunitz kids at the time, had, predictably, left to deal with Geno’s ineptitude.)

With Sid came Duper and Flower – always up for watching the humiliation of someone else – and then Tanger, and then it seemed like the logical thing to do would be to engage the rest of the team as well – “For team bonding,” Sid said, always with a straight face, and well, they’re all incredibly stupid when it comes to their captain, so that’s what they do every year, without fail, before the season starts: weeding Geno’s massive gardens.

This is Rusty’s third year. He’s getting pretty handy at it, but he hasn’t quite worked out the technique of one Olli Maatta, and Shultzy is the only one who can sucker Olli into telling him his secrets anyway, so Rusty and the rest of them do their best, or in Conor and Jake’s case, helplessly try to differentiate between herbs and weeds.

(They’re horrifically bad at it, and Rusty and Junior laugh and laugh while Matty takes pity on them and directs them to the side of the gardens where there’s actual flowers with coloured petals and even Conor and Jake can tell the difference between a rose and crabgrass weed.)

At the end of the day, Sid declares the Weeding Ceremony™ a huge success, and happily invites everyone to follow him the few houses down the street to his own home, so they can segue into their annual BBQ at Sid’s place™ because he’s the only one with a grill that is massive enough for them all, and besides, his pool is the actual best.

(Somehow, no one comments on the fact that even though it’s his house, Sid is the last one to show up, Geno just two steps behind, a huge grin on his face and his hair an absolute mess. Neither does anyone mention the obvious hickeys on Sid’s neck that hadn’t been there this morning, but then again, they never do.)

You liiiike me! (Jace Wayland x Reader)

Originally posted by bellamyblake

Imagine: Jace Wayland

Pairing: Jace Wayland x Reader

Fandom: Shadowhunters

• GIF IS NOT MINE! •

He couldn’t believe it. How? One day, there comes this girl and is suddenly the star of the institute? Like how? Everyone liked her. Not to mention, she is pretty as well.

Jace didn’t like her. Well he thought that he didn’t like her but deep inside, he liked her. It was weird, because she was so so nice towards him but he was just mean. But she didn’t care. She was still nice.

They trained almost everyday together, because she could surprisingly keep up with Jace pretty well.

“Watch out!”, Jace shouted, while running towards her. But Y/N blocked him and after a few tricks she learned from Hodge, Jace found himself on the ground. “I hate you.”, he said and hissed as he got up. “But you’re good.”

Y/N smiled at Jace widely. “I know. But you still don’t like me, so I guess I still have to convince you that I am better.”

“It’s easy not to like you. You talk way too much and you are annoying. Maybe you should think about it.”, Jace said, smirking.

“You are lucky that I don’t get hurt that easily. So, don’t worry. You’re still the shining, bright star of the institute.”

Jace just rolled his at her and went upstairs to his room.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he found her interesting. Maybe annoying. But if he had to choose who he’d like to train with, he’d choose her. She was talented. And that was true.

For her it didn’t matter if people liked her or not. She was just herself and Jace found that hard to believe at first. She didn’t need to do anything to get attention. She was just like that.

One day, Jace had to go on a mission with Y/N. He didn’t complain, because he knew that he had a good partner who could fight.

“So, where are those demons?”, Y/N asked as she looked around the Central Park.

Jace had his seraph blade in his hands and was ready to fight. “They’ll come around.”

“But it’s boooring! Demons can be so slow.”, Y/N sighed and sat down under a tree.

“Can you shut up for fucking once?! You talk too much!”

“I know, you told me a few times.”, she smirked at Jace. “You know, you complain a lot when it comes to me. So why don’t I start talking about you and your problems, huh?”, she stood up and looked at him.

“First of all: You are very narcissistic. You love yourself more than anyone else. Maybe you should start thinking about the others as well? That wouldn’t hurt.”

“Second: You want attention. It kills you that the others in the institute direct their attention towards me and not you. Just because you were the best Shadowhunter, doesn’t mean that no one else can take that spot.”

“And lastly: Stop judging other people. Well, stop judging me. I may talk too much but that is just the way I handle my feelings! If something hurts me, then I start talking about different things. But I don’t get hurt by your words, Jace. Because I know you never mean what you say to me. Because you like me.”, she finally said and smiles. “How does it feel? The taste of your own medicine?”

Jace was speechless for the first time in a very long time. He didn’t know that she thought that way. Since that mission, he started to take her more seriously. That night, they fought together as a team. They were stronger than ever.

➰➰➰➰➰➰➰

He didn’t even realize that he fell in love with her until the day when some guy from Idris came. He was every girls dream (besides Jace of course). Even Y/N’s. That’s what Jace thought.

“Hey, so I am Tyler, I am from Idris and today your partner for your training!”, he said to Y/N and shook her hand.

She smiled brightly. She never smiles that much. “Well, I am Y/N! Nice to meet you. Oh and that grumpy cat there is Jace. Just ignore him.”

Jace rolled his eyes and took a really aggressive sip of his water bottle. He literally glanced at Tyler. “Hi.”, he said in a very harsh tone.

“Well, why don’t we start, Y/N?”

So they trained. They had a lot of body contact. He was really close to Y/N, which was too close for Jace’s liking. But he couldn’t say anything. It’s not like they were in a relationship or something.

It’s weird, Jace thought. A month ago, he hated her, but now he was jealous of a guy who was supposed to train her. He did his job and he did nothing wrong. But Jace hated him.

Jace watched both of them the whole time. But in the moment, where Tyler helped Y/N getting up and they were really close (only a few inches were between them), Jace lost his shit.

“What the hell are you doing, dude?!”, Jace stood up from his spot and marched towards them. Then he pushed him off her angrily.

“Jace!”, Y/N shouted.

“What is your problem?! I am training!”, Tyler shouted at Jace. He really tried to stay calm.

“You touched her way too often!”

Y/N stared with disbelief at Jace. Was he jealous? Of her and Tyler? What the hell? “Uh, Jace? You should know that Tyler’s engaged.”, you slowly say.

Jace stood there, dumbfounded. Oh no. He was jealous of an engaged man. Wow. Great Job, Jace, he thought. “Oh..”

Tyler just smirked. “It’s okay.”

Jace avoided Y/N the whole day, while she tried to talk to him all day. He would find a way to avoid her and he was good at it. The day went by and Y/N caught Jace in the library.

“There you are!”, Y/N shouted and ran towards him.

‘Oh shit’, he thought and tried running away from her. But well, that did not work. Y/N caught him between two bookshelves.

She smirked at the blonde boy in front of her. “Finally. I heard something.”, she said.

“Oh, really?”

She nodded at him. “I heard that you were jealous of me and my trainer? Mhm, weird. Why would you be jealous?”, she smirked more. “Or do you.. Liiiiiike me?”, she laughed at Jace. “You like me!”

Jace eyes widened with fear. He pinned her to the bookshelf and put his hand over mouth. “Stop talking so loud!”, he whispered.

She put his hand down. “Well, then you should admit it, my friend. You like me, you like me, you liiiike me!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Stop denying it, Jace!”, you grinned. “You don’t like me, you loove me-”

Before she could talk more, Jace kissed her. To shut her up, of course. But the kiss lasted longer than he expected it to be. The taste of her lips were addicting and he couldn’t get enough of it. Her lips were soft and nice. Jace lost himself in the kiss and so did Y/N.

Someone coughed and they quickly broke apart, seeing Maryse Lightwood staring at them. “Maybe you should go in your rooms.”, she said and just walked away.

“That was embarrassing.”, Y/N said and laughed. “But I have to say, you’re a good kisser, my friend.”

“You really handle your feelings better by talking too much. I only did that to shut you up, because you talked too much, obviously!”, Jace said quickly but still smiling at her.

“I only repeat what I said earlier: You liiiike me!”

6

–Darth Vader and the Ninth Assassin

THIS EXTRA AS FUCK GARBAGE BAG I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

He’s tasked with hunting down someone who tried to assassinate the Emperor, finds a weird group of people with some prophecy and a super powerful weapon. “How does the weapon work?” he asks and they explain after he passes through their purification ritual thing.  Then, “This seems important.” as he yanks the sacred crystal out.

“What’s the rest of the prophecy?” he asks, as they’re fretting over their precious crystal.  GLORIOUS CHAAAAOOOOSSS they tell him–well prophecy fucking fulfilled this trash bag says as everything blows to shit around them.  NOW KISS THE EMPEROR’S BOOT OR BE CRUSHED BENEATH IT.

Look, if this dumpster lord isn’t your favorite, I DON’T KNOW HOW TO HELP YOU.  THIS IS WHY I READ COMICS, this kind of thing is hilarious and the best entertainment I could ask for.

SUPERCORP FIC PROMPT

so like.. the film Sky High.

not necessarily the plot of the film, but like a fic set at the school Sky High

and Kara’s Superman’s cousin so she’s like a huge deal, and obvs Lena is Lex’s Sister so she’s a huge deal for the wrong reasons and it was like a big scandal when Lena found out she had powers bc the Luthors hate supers

and Lena’s like AMAZING at whatever power she has, but she’s also amazing bc she doesnt rely on her powers. Like she knows how to get shit done without powers, like remember the weird fight ring scene? like someone pressures Lena into that and she finds a way to win without even using her powers and Kara’s super impressed and maybe wants Lena to teach her how to not rely on her powers, and in return Kara teachers her to not feel guilty or be scared of her powers and in the end they work together to defeat the bad guy by Lena using her powers and Kara using the knowledge she’s learned

Please ok im not a writer but loads of y’all ARE and i would kill to read this like I’ll literally be ur number 1 fan new best friend whatever you need

MY reaction to: Bangtan Boys! (BTS)

{Y’all seriously liked My reaction to EXO, so how about i give you guys another one? Okay, so these are based on my actual reaction to the Bangtan Boys when i first found them [about two years ago] so, hopefully y’all like it!}


Jin (Kim Seokjin)

Originally posted by softfluffytae

WOW. YOU. ARE. MASSIVE.

Holy shit, oh..wait…what are you? You look like you’d be a vocalist….Too tall to be a dancer and…too gentle to be a rapper. 

*First dad joke*….jesus christ….get the fuck out ya piece of dad poo. 

*Watches Eat Jin* Jin…what the fuck are you even doing? Hasn’t your mother ever told you not to play with your fucking food? 

*High key thought he was part of the maknae line*

Way i know him: Giant dork with dumb dad jokes


Suga (Min Yoongi)

Originally posted by sweetly-delirious

WHO IS THE PASTEL PRINCE OH MY GOSH. You’re eyes are funny lookin’ though. They are so tiny. Also, YOU ARE SO SMOL. You seem to always be frowning, sweetie, you’ll get crows feet like that. Smile a bit more. Jesus.

*Watches Agust D*….holy…fuck…..YOU’RE A RAPPER. I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT OH MY GOSH. You look so gentle, i never would have thought you’d be a rapper. I gotta rethink jin’s position for a sec.  

Baby, you look like you need some serious sleep, i can see bags under your eyes even with the make up on. 

Way i know him: Pastel Prince with an AMAZING smile


J-Hope (Jung Hoseok)

Originally posted by yoongismochi

*Didn’t pay much attention to him at first* Huh, who are yo– 

*Finds he’s a dancer, rapper, and low key vocalist*…W O A H You are just a RAY OF SUNSHINE aren’t yOU? STOP THAT. STOP THAT SEXY DANCING YA PIECE OF SEXY CUTE SHIT.

I feel like you and Suga would be very good for each other. *Watches the face mask live stream* I SHIP IT. 

Also, why the hell is your laugh so contagious?! Why do you fall off your chair whenever you laugh?!

Way i know him: The guy i ship with Suga/ The guy with a long face and high cheeks


Rap Monster (Kim Namjoon)

Originally posted by rapnamu

That is some serious FIRE you’re spittin’ fam.

Nice lips, they are thick. 100% would kiss, but you got that brother feel to you so nah. Actually, your brother feel is hella strong…stop that. We’re supposed to find you attractive, not hope you were our brother.

Also, i like how low and husky your voice sounds. I’d fall asleep to that. 

Wooooaahhh…you talk about some deep shit. What a great mind you’ve got on top of those shoulders.

Way i know him: BIG BROTHER MATERIAL


Jimin (Park Jimin)

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Wow…just like Rapmon, 100% would kiss the SHIT outta your lips. 

Also, ugh…what an angelic voice…lay me down daddy Jimin, holy shit. 

BOI, WHY MUST YOU BE SO RUDE AND LIFT YOUR SHIRT???? *just finished watching No More dream* THAT IS SO RUDE, SHAME ON YOU. 

Also, THOSE DANCE SKILLS GOT ME CRYING ON THE FLOOR TEACH ME YOUR WAYS JIMINIE OPPA.

(i am not joking, i just made a song just from jimin’s nickname while making this, lord help me)

Way i know him: The cute faced guy with Thick lips and a sweet bod.


V (Kim Taehyung)

Originally posted by bangtanroyalty

Your smile is really weird, but it’s kinda cute (In a weird way) 

Babe, take me straight to your make up artist. They have done an amazing job with your eyeliner good lord. 

Also, what’s with your EYES??? THEY ARE SO PRETTY OH MY GOSH. Also, Dude, you have a nice long body…like, that is so cool and really attractive (As a short person i appreciate

Also, you got nice vocals my man. It sounds very breathy though sooooo…maybe good for ballads?

Way i know him: The guy with a cute/weird smile


Jungkook (Jeon Jungkook)

Originally posted by jkguks

WHO ARE YOU–

YOU LOOK TWELVE OH MY GOODNESS

*Watches no more dream* Woah, are you a rapper too? Wait, but you sing…and you’re a REALLY good dancer…WHAT ARE YOU?!?!?!? …Can i actually date you? *Finds out he’s nineteen* HOLY FUCK I CAN.

You look like a little bun with your buck teeth. So cute~ Also, i high key ship you with Jiminie. You’re such a little shit to him though, rood. 

WOAH WHAT IS YOUR WORK OUT REGIMEN, JESUS IT’S LIKE YOU’RE PHOTO SHOPPED.

Way i know him: Buff Bunny Boy


Overall thought about the Bangtan Boys (2 years ago): 

IT IS NOT FAIR THAT G/D COULD CREATE A GROUP LIKE THIS BUT NOT SHARE OF THIS TALENT AND GOOD LOOKS TO EVERYONE ELSE. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK MAN, THEY ARE ALL PRETTY, TALENTED, AND PERFECT. JESUS CHRIST, GIVE US SOME OF THIS SHIT. 

Anyway, i am just glad they are such a small group, still is gonna take me forever to figure out their names. 


Overall thought about the Bangtan Boys (NOW): 

Same thing as up there, except, Now i know their stage and full names. Also, i still love Jimin but Hoseok is my Bias and you can fight me to the FUCKING DEATH if you tell me i shouldn’t. 

dafadolly  asked:

santi what's your process for bathing do u clean your ass or just let the water do it for u

“i’m a big fan of loofas. not those weird extra ass chunks of sea sponge you’ll find in like bath & body works or some shit but like an actual nice fluffy loofa. with some olive branch shower gel. yeah i shop at lush, what of it?

always gotta clean your ass. if you let the water do it youre a lazy bum and your butthole probably smells from a mile away. dont halfass your showers kids.”