weird present

fantasy book with witches and wizards and magical people but all magic has a price, like

main character, in awe and slightly terrified: what did you have to give up to be able to control storms with your mind?

powerful enchanter, fighting back tears as they pull down the hood of their cloak to reveal a knotted oily mess: my beautiful luscious hair….no matter how many times i wash or brush it, it always looks like this

main character: [horrified gasp]

did i ever tell ppl about the time me and my family thought my older brother was gay and dating his best friend? they used to hold hands and cuddle and shit all the time and cause my brothers super quiet we kinda just thought that was him coming out and didn’t really say anything about it. this went on for maybe two yrs and then one day he arrives home with this girl and is all ‘id like you guys to meet my girlfriend’. at this point everyone is ’????’ and my mom is literally crying and like 'u broke up with James?!?!?!’ and honestly I’ve never seen a man more confused in his life and yeah that’s the time my family fucked up for like 2 yrs

His hat is snatched up before he can even grunt.

“This ragged thing cannot hide the smoke, you fool.”

McCree internally groans -the suit and the shaving of his beard was enough- but this? This torture of the eldest Shimada standing in front of him, jabbing at his already bruised pride, might be the tipping point for his already roused temper. Eager to keep a minimal damage, the older man manages to grit out a cranky response that should make the young Hanzo all huffy and run along.

“Well, thank you kindly for that pointer, but I don’t think my hat’s gone and done anything that deserves the blatant disrespect, boy.”

A continuation of that “Jesse McCree saves Genji because of weird time shenanigans”. Something happens that require Jesse’s ‘professional’ help and Genji convinces (begs till McCree nearly shoot out his own brains) the miracle transformation of crumpled and rugged McCree to sexy and dashing McCree. Of course Hanzo here can’t leave that hot mess alone so he’s going full out tsundere. Cue angry growling McCree and shocked flustered Hanzo.

To Hear Destiny Calling

(In which I finally begin writing that story idea about the girl with hearing loss, a magical quest, and an unfortunate lack of hearing aids)

It was a perfectly normal night. Livvie was slumped into her bed, soaking in a new book, taking a sleepy sort of happiness from having taken her hearing aids out after a long day — like pouring all the synthetic, grating sound out of her head, shaking it out of her ears like water.

It was a perfectly normal night, except that a glowing purple portal had opened up in the corner of her bedroom five minutes ago, and she’d been huffily ignoring it ever since.

It’s just my imagination, Livvie had told herself, aiming the thought pointedly at the softly humming portal, in case that would help. No weird magical shit going on here.

She focused on her book. Through the softness that was all sound without her hearing aids in, she heard the portal cough, politely but purposefully, waiting to be acknowledged. She raised her book higher so it would block her sight.

This went on for a another few minutes, then the portal let out an indignant huff and a flash of bright violet light that grabbed Livvie around the waist like a cosmic octopus arm and yanked her in, ignoring her protesting yells of “What the fuck!”

The portal did not care for rude language, or for slightly magical teenagers who ignored the very polite callings of their destiny. Unfortunately, it also did not have a good enough grasp on humans to know that some of them, if they were to complete quests with their highest possible potential, really ought to be wearing their hearing aids before they are sucked into magical alternate realities.

Sometimes magical quests just go to hell before they’ve even begun.

(To be continued tomorrow!)

This is honestly way too much handsome for my heart to handle ⎧ᴿᴵᴾ⎫

So I have terrible laggy internet for a couple minutes! And I promised two things before I went on vacation:

1) that I would write a perc’ahlia James Bond AU

2) that I would write something while drunk af ( @qunaributts this is your fault you must shoulder the blame)

and I had three glasses of wine last night so here is James Bond!Vex and Bond Girl/Q!Percy entering a casino. I think?

Keep reading

mccree being like a cat and bring reyes all sorts of weird shit as ‘presents’ and reyes is like ?? why??? 

“hey boss look it says 420” “IS THAT A LICENSE PLATE” 

“yo boss, check this out” “WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET A TRAFFIC LIGHT”

hell also grab expensive pens from the important people they go to meetings with or like expensive shit from hotels, watches and rings and reyes just has no idea what the hell to do with this petty criminal he’s somehow tamed

reyes usually silently puts them back or pawns them except the really nice solid gold plated lighter he still uses to this day. 

my mom was like “hey, december starts this week so that means your birthday is coming up!!” and i was so surprised and then lowkey happy because then this gives me the opportunity to buy smth for myself from my amazon wishlist and use my birthday as an excuse muahahahahahahaha

a book about a girl who runs a little taxi business with her car but for magical beings? it’s not the most conventional or safe job, but she inherited the business from her grandmother who used to bike woodland fairies from one forest to another in the basket of her bike in exchange for little favors, and it became a family business. the main character modernized it and now she gets notes written on tree bark pinned to her front door or written in the frost on her window or sent to her phone from impossible phone numbers asking for rides.

she rarely accepts cash payments, because all to often it’ll turn into a handful of sand or gravel within a few hours. but she takes the other things they offer her and trades around. there’s a small grocery store where the owner is superstitious enough to accept her little good luck charms and pouches of healing herbs that always, somehow, work; there are pawnshops where she can sell the tarnished, ancient-looking pieces of treasure that she’s sometimes tossed like loose change by the gnarled, crumbling tree spirits that crumple up like folding chairs to fit into her small car; she has an etsy shop for the gorgeous woven flower crowns certain nymphs leave on their seats or the strange but beautiful leather shoes some elves leave on the floor

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Weird CLVN presents MacXVII-Seige go watch the video on YouTube! And download @syringesoldiermac new Free Album Walking Labryinth #WeirdCLVN

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