Slytherin: being on top of the world, photo albums, knowing when to say “it’s okay” and when to say “get over it”, getting an A on a midterm you studied so fucking hard for, huge comforters, inside jokes, having only 3 ride or die friends, sleek gorgeous brown curls, Polaroid cameras, always reading huge novels hidden behind textbooks, falling asleep on the couch, drinking tea at 1 am, tons of creamer in your coffee, having hamsters, wearing purple
Hufflepuff: pretending to be friends with someone when you hate them, kale smoothies, ripped jeans, hating flower crowns, huge glasses, playing all the sports in school, straight As, group chats to roast people, standing up for everyone, green parrots, determination, rowdy, bonfires, working really hard, drive-in theaters, always wearing Nike sweatpants, hating snacks, the best comebacks ever, apple juice, amazing surfers, world travelers, messy rooms
Ravenclaw: skipping class to sleep in, cracking your back, being math tutors, painting masterpieces, black cameras, ghost stories, huge parties, super fast Wifi, movie marathons, disliking chess, perfect eyeliner, doodling on homework, smartass comments, great danes, preferring some movies over the books, acting before thinking, bungee jumping, youtube videos, full faces of makeup, dressing up just because, PUNS, can rap, junk food, great liars
Gryffindor: never sleeping, jello shots, sneaking out of the house, poetry, artfully destroyed shirts, leather bound notebooks, stargazing, being careful, hating change, movie soundtracks, race cars, fish as pets, ice cream cones, winter is your favorite season, brutal honesty, gymnasts, letting someone else lead, alarm clocks, weird phobias you ignore, picnics in the park, always ready to listen to your problems, immaculate rooms, preferring black or grey shirts
-When Bruce and Joker become somewhat friends they start to bring a bunch of junk food and sit at this really old playground where Bruce used to go to as a kid.
-Joker is sort of underweight and Bruce notices how he doesn’t eat very well. Bruce starts bringing good food that Alfred made to him. Imagine two high school boys having a weird picnic together.
-Joker doesn’t mess with Bruce anymore once they start talking and everyone starts noticing the two whispering things to each other between and after classes, writing and doodling on each others papers, and sneaking off when there are assemblies. No one outright says anything.
-Bruce’s following starts to disperse when they realize Bruce’s new closeness to Joker and the strange thing to most people is that Bruce seems a lot happier this way.
-Bruce doesn’t completely lighten up and still is a quiet person around most but, when he’s with Joker, the two both become really loud and open and excited.
-Joker is still obsessed with Batman but his mind begins to be more on Bruce. It comes as a big shock.
-Joker realizes he’ll be gone soon due to Bruce being a senior and Joker a junior and he starts to worry about Bruce forgetting about him. In his distress, Joker tries to cause a lot of trouble again. Bruce and Joker have a huge fight about this.
-Their fight resulted in Bruce comforting his friend and the two having their first kiss. It isn’t passionate or very long. It’s quick and as awkward as anyone could imagine a very inexperienced kiss would be.
-Bruce and Joker don’t become an openly affectionate couple at all after this. The two try to avoid conversation about it because they are so emotionally confused about themselves. They don’t know how to even handle the thought of being together in that way. At least not yet.
(Feel free to submit your own headcanons about this AU :3)
-lots of picnics
-weird, obscure indie film premieres
-watching silent films as he makes up dialogue in funny voices
-cuddles. like, constant touching
-a ton of candid photos of you that never get posted anywhere, he just likes looking at you when you’re not around
-convincing you to dress in costume for weird events
-funny-face making contests
-bragging about you to all of his friends
-dates to pet shops, weird restaurants, and any carnival he can find
-spontaneous trips to the desert with a bottle of wine to look at stars
-always having an extra Disneyland sweater in his car for you in case you get cold
-drinking coffee in front of his fireplace in pajamas
-a ton of doodles of you because he just thinks you’re breathtakingly beautiful
-buying you a matching kimono to wear with him to brunch with his family
-pumpkin carving year round
That was the headline on the newspaper Hal slapped onto the table in front of Batman, making him glance up at him.
“Is there something you needed?” he asked, sounding bored.
“Yeah, I need to know if this is true,” he said jabbing a finger at the newspaper.
“It’s true,” he confirmed.
“And you’re only now telling us about this?” Hal demanded angrily.
“You truly do have a new son? I thought that was mere rumour,” Diana said blinking her eyes and as the others moved in, Victor knew what they didn’t, that his son was Shazam. That the constant reporters around Wayne Manor was keeping the magic user from reporting in. Batman almost couldn’t himself, but he had teleporters in the Batcave to get here.
“No, his name is Billy,” he said simply, hoping to end it there.
“Billy Batson, right?” Victor asked, earning a glare from the dark knight but he just gave him a cheeky grin (the same cheeky grin that Billy often gave him) as Hal burst out laughing.
“Oh, please tell me you’re kidding,” he said amused.
“No, completely serious. His full name is William Joseph Batson, thirteen years old,” he said with a smile
“And how did you know about that?” Clark asked him with a curious frown.
“I’m connected to everything. The second Bats here got the test results on the paternity test, so did I,” he said and they nodded their heads in understanding.
“Which means you’ve been holding out on us, buddy,” Hal said pointing at Cyborg. It was one thing for Bruce to keep a secret from them, he was Batman so it was pretty much expected, but this was Victor , who was very much not Batman.
“Nah, I’ve just been distracted,” he admitted with a shrug.
“Distracted with what?” Bruce asked harshly.
“With Shazam,” he said honestly. It wasn’t a good idea to lie to Batman, and keep as close to the truth as possible. Something he had learned from Billy actually.
“Speaking of that crazy bastard, where is he?” Hal asked looking around as if he would suddenly appear out of nowhere.
“Busy with family problems. I doubt he’ll be able to come in for a few weeks,” Victor said honestly. It would take time for him to figure out how to slip away from both the reporters and from Batman after all.
“This has to do with the thing with the uncle he doesn’t trust?” Clark asked, reminding him of his sharp memory that he remembered a few off hand comments. That was probably why Billy was always so careful about how he chooses his words around both him and Bruce.
“Yeah, it has to do with that,” he admitted, because it really did. His uncle was the whole reason he was dealing with the whole ‘moving to Gotham and living with a billionaire’ situation after all.
“Give him our regards, will you?” he said
“I’ll be sure to tell him,” he said with a nod of his head.
“By the way, Bruce. As a reporter, I’m offended you didn’t tell me about this,” he told him with mock offended eyes.
“You were dealing with something at the time of the press conference and it would be suspicious if I contacted you for every interview,” he said easily.
“For who?” Hal muttered, but Bruce was distracted by his buzzing phone.
“I thought you turned it off when you’re in uniform?” Clark asked curiously.
“I have a son that doesn’t know I’m Batman. I need to have it on, especially with him just moving in,” he said bringing it up to his ear as he pulled the cowl off. “This is Bruce,” he answered.
“I know you told me to give him space, but he brought a picnic basket onto the roof,” Damian said without hesitation, making Bruce furrow his brows in confusion.
“ Why would he be on the roof with a picnic basket?” he couldn’t help but ask, getting odd looks from the others.
“I don’t know,” he scoffed, probably rolling his eyes. “He just had Alfred prepare him some food in a basket and climbed onto the roof. I normally wouldn’t be concerned, but his wrist is still sprained,” he said idly.
“How long ago did he climb up there?” Bruce asked.
“ Ten minutes ago,” he said unconcerned.
“It’s not like it would be the first time you climbed onto a roof, Damian,” he said casually, hearing his youngest scoff and hang up on him
“I’m worried about your parenting style,” Hal declared.
“Should you not be more concerned about your son being on the roof?” Clark asked him concerned, more so because he heard both sides of the conversation, including the fact that his son was injured and should not be climbing onto the roof to begin with.
“I was warned by his foster parents and his case worker both that he likes to climb onto the roof of whatever home he’s staying in. They informed me that if I gave him his space, he would stop doing it so often,” he said making them blink.
“Foster Parents?” Diana asked confused.
“Oh, that’s right. No one’s ever explained the Foster care system to you, have they?” Hal asked her and she shook her head, confused.
“When parents are unable or unwilling to care for their children for whatever reason and other relatives are also unable to care for the child, they wind up in Foster Care, where a caseworker is assigned to them to place them into a forever home. Foster Homes are temporary homes for the children,” Bruce said.
“And foster parents are these temporary parents?” she asked and they nodded their heads in agreement. “That is a most wonderful system,” she said.
“True, but like all government organizations, it has it’s faults. Most of the Foster Parents only apply to the system to gain extra money and don’t properly care for the children. Some children even slip through the cracks in the system entirely,” Bruce said.
“That is horrible. Surely they are working to fix this?” she said and they all glanced at each other and tried to explain it further to Diana without working her into a frenzy.
Go try on fancy dresses and/or suits. Try the best ones, and the most hideous ones, the really glittery ones and the ones that your 3 year old self would want to wear. Take lots of pictures.
Go to an aquarium and pick a tank together. Name every fish/animal in there. Give them back stories. Maybe there’s a love affair between three of them. Who knows?
Go to a coffee shop and order drinks for each other. Bonus points if you like totally opposite drinks (black coffee vs super sweet frappuccinos) and attempting to figure out how to order.
Go to a museum. Pick out a color palette and try to find every piece of art that works with that.
Buy a cheap white sheet and a bunch of fabric markers/sharpies. Lay it out on the floor and doodle all over it. Play tic tac toe. Trace each other’s hands. Then…
Go on a picnic! And use the sheet as a blanket. Make it a weird picnic though. Make it only candy and junk food you bought at the 7-11 5 minutes ago. Or only pink food. Or eat full blown pancakes and bacon and eggs.
It was a nice day out, tranquil deep in the woods. Dean lay back on the blanket and watched clouds scuttle across the blue sky through the barren trees. The earth was soft and the blanket was warm. Benny passed him a mini quiche. Oh yeah. They were having a picnic and he was sitting up eating the food Benny had made. It was still warm, fresh from the oven. Classical music was playing somewhere in the background, a familiar tune that Dean could’t quite place.
Purgatory was awfully nice for the time of year. The beer was perfectly chilled when Benny pulled it out of the picnic basket. Funny, Dean hadn’t noticed the basket right next to his head. Benny was talking about something but Dean couldn’t concentrate on the words, it just sounded like a jumble of Creole that was more french than english. Dean always did like his accent.
He was drinking his beer even though he was laying flat on his back and somehow it still worked. But he had to be flat on his back cause Benny was kneeling between his legs sucking his cock down like it was dessert. Warmth pooled in his belly and Dean shifted his legs to accommodate Benny in the hold of his thighs.
The liminal space between dreaming and waking started to blur as Dean became aware of his dream. It was a damn nice dream, kind of weird having a picnic in Purgatory, but it was nice. It was so fucking vivid, he could feel the heat of Benny’s mouth around him, feel the pressure of that skilled tongue, could feel the ground beneath him dip with their weight as Dean rocked his hips up. Dean didn’t want to give up his dream, grasping weakly at it as the forest slipped away.