Ways to Attract a Bisexual Part 3: Return of the Jed-Bi
- That title (probably)
- Give them plenty of water and sunlight
- But also lots of darkness and junk food
- Tell them their hair looks nice
- Tell them the revolution is now
- Take them on a trip to their home planet
- Or maybe just to the movies
- Understand that their sexuality has nothing to do with the number of people they’ve been with
- Understand that they are an important part of the LGBT+ community
- Understand why they lay eggs every 5-7 weeks
This cycle you were on a transport ship taking some Humans from one of the moons of Zic-natt to another. Most were quite normal, compared to some Humans you had encountered but there were two that were very different from the others, Human- Michael and Human- Angela. Human- Michael was very smart, and when you said very, you meant it. Human- Angela was on the complete opposite side of the spectrum having ‘dropped out of high school’ as the Humans put it and didn’t seem to know very basic things. This was one encounter between the two Humans that you decided to share with your friends:
PSA I KNOW NOT ALL HIGH SCHOOL DROP OUTS ARE DUMB, ITS JUST THAT THIS CHARACTER IS FOR THE SAKE OF THE STORY!
I walked into the human’s common room and was concerned to see Human- Angela and Human- Michael arguing again. They are often found this way either because they end up yelling so loud the entire ship hears them or because they make so much raucous physically fighting that someone thinks they’re going to kill each other. They’re loud either way. This time though, something was different, the two humans had an audience.
Most of the humans were sitting on makeshift stools or on the ground while Human- Angela and Human- Michael were standing. Human- Michael is up on a crate with what the humans call, a microphone, in his hand and Human- Angela was standing right in front of him. What confused me even more was that Human- Michael’s voice wasn’t being amplified by the device like it normally would if he was speaking into it.
“You’re just jealous of me!” Human- Angela exclaimed to Human-Michael.
“Why the hell would I be jealous of you?” Human- Michael yelled back.
“Because I’m smarter than you, duh!”
“You are not smarter than me! Literally the day before yesterday, you asked me what that thing was that made things fall down!” Human- Michael gestured dramatically.
“You never told me what it was, and I mean, just because you know what it is doesn’t make you smart.”
“Actually, it does make me smart! And you not know what it is makes you really freakin’ dumb. The answer to your question is so easy that anyone who has a brain would know that you’d struggle to pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel!…… Oh, and by the way Angela, this, this is called gravity.” Human- Michael said and dropped the microphone on the word ‘gravity’.
A chorus of ‘OH’s and profanity with drawn out vowels sprang from the seated Humans. Human- Michael didn’t bother to pick up the microphone and instead strode right past both it and me. I stood there in silence, confused as to what I had just seen. I decided to leave before anyone saw me but before I left I caught a glimpse of Human- Angela’s face. She looked shell-shocked, her eyes were wide and her face was red. The other Humans were laughing at her and I vowed to never let what just happened to Human- Angela happen to me. I also decided as I left to ask Human- Michael about what had just occurred some time later.