weight loss

anonymous asked:

I'm looking at using magic to help weight loss. Do you have any spells that use cheap and common materials? Also, male glamour spells? All the ones I've seen use makeup or something.

I don’t think it needs to be said to be careful with weight loss spells at this point, but… Be very clear in your intentions, and how you intend to lose weight (seriously); specifying a desired goal is also a great idea to make sure you don’t lose too much. Be careful, please; obviously I can’t tell you what not to do with your own body, but things can get dangerous with weight loss spells. So, again, just make sure you’re clear in your intentions, even to the point of specifying how you want to lose weight (you could end up, like, missing an arm, and technically you’ve lost that weight right? Magic is weird). 

As for glamours that don’t use make-up, I can probably find a few, or write one if I need to. Did you want / need it for anything specific (confidence, invisibility, etc.), or did you just want a general template to be modified for any purpose that may need be?

The weight-loss industry is a competitive one. Every year there seems to be a new Atkins Diet or some variety of horrifying juice cleanse that puts a temporary stopper into the problem but does nothing in the long run. Look, if someone had the end-all solution for quick weight loss, the world would have heard about it by now. So you can forgive me for being a bit of a Doubting Thomas when I’m presented with a commercial like The Sauna Massage on late-night television.

According to products like the Sauna Massage, dieting and exercise can go fuck their collective selves. Instead, you can just wear their product and the weight will pour right off your body like someone just opened the Ark of the Covenant, Indiana Jones-style.

Products like the Sweaty Massage Belt make a guarantee that you will lose weight simply by sweating it all out. It’s easy and probably legal to say that, too, because technically they’re not wrong. We all sweat out at least a liter of our inside juices a day, juices that contain water and sodium, among a bunch of other chemicals. It’s a negligible amount to lose and is all stuff that your body gains back after your next meal and drink of water. So while they’re selling you some false hope at best, their tactics are still as scummy as I’ll bet that belt is after one use.

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