weight gain progression

Three days shy of two years between the two. Never forget where you started and how far you have come.

Dedication is everything.

My weight has really been fluctuating the past couple of days and I’m finding it really stressful, but I know this journey is going to have bumps along the way and looking at how far I’ve come is really helping me. The first photo was at a Halloween party October 2016, the second photo is today post gym. Looking sweaty but feeling good! 😅

Two years ago today I stopped making excuses and started to make a change. I always hated how I looked. I wore shirts that were way too big to hide how much weight I had actually gained and I refused to swim or have my shirt off around anyone. A year ago today I was still trying to figure out what I was doing at the gym to get the results I wanted. Well a year later and about 25 pounds heavier I am feeling great with where I am at so far. My life has changed quite a lot in the last year and this is the one thing that has become even more consistent to get me through everything. I have made a lot of progress and some days it’s hard not making more, but I have a lot of goals for myself and I am working my fucking ass off to exceed them.

When I look at this, I am humbled..

I have been struggling with frustration over the fact I have gained a little weight since I started working out more intensely. Hard not to get focused on those scale victories.

Even though I am sitting about 15lbs heavier then my lowest during my journey I can see now the progress I’ve made in trading fat for muscle.

That girl on the right still weighs 247lbs, and I am still so damn proud of her.

If i can make this much of a change in 2 years, then I can’t wait to see where I am in another two years.

I received a message on my fitness Instagram asking me why I promote body positivity when I’m trying to change my own body.
Here’s the thing. I am all about loving your body no matter what size you are. I think it’s extremely important to love yourself from the inside out. And I do. I love myself. I have accepted my body and have come to love it for what it is.
BUT I know my body is capable of so much more. I’ve come to realize how important it is to take care of your body.
Here’s the thing. I’m not working to get skinny. I’m working to be healthy and fit. There’s a huge difference in that. I don’t look to the scale to make me feel good. I base my journey off of the way I feel and the results I can see.
I already look in the mirror and know that I love my body. I want to look in the mirror and know that I’m doing what’s best for my body. I want to know that I’m doing everything to be the best me I can possibly be.
So yes. I promote body positivity because I know what loving yourself can do for you. But I also promote health and fitness because I know what they can do for you as well.
SO IN CONCLUSION, love yourself no matter what your body type is, but never stop working to be the best you can possibly be!

Herbalife!?

Okay, so my cousin sells Herbalife and I’ve always seen her post about it. Recently she posted a month long challenge where the winner receives 500 dollars! Naturally I had to ask her where do I sign up. She told me that in order to be in the competition I’d have to try Herbalife. I eventually caved and bought protein powder, water weight control bills and a Formula 1 drink mix. I’m actually really excited to go on this new weight loss trip because I’m tired of being unhappy with my body. I will be posting here everyday for the month of April letting you all know my journey and logging my workout and diet habits. I’m really really really looking forward to this! Hopefully Herbalife is something worth investing in!!!

Post work-out feeling myself. I’ve gained over ten lbs in the past year and it’s definitely played on my insecurities. One of the reasons I run this page is to help remind myself that I am beautiful, that everyone is beautiful. I’m making positive changes in my life to get back to a more healthy size for me, and I’m excited for the journey. Current weight: 153.6lbs Goal weight: 128lbs
Thanks for reading :)
-peaches

So, what I haven’t told you guys yet is that for the past three and half weeks, I’ve started doing yoga, more intense weight lifting at the gym (and lighter workouts still at home), and I’ve completely stopped going out and drinking alcohol! This is that progress! The picture on the left was just last month on February 18th and the right pic is from this morning! Im about five or six pounds less on the scale, but I’ve also gained some more muscle (which is more important)! I’m pretty stoked! I’m not necessarily trying to lose more weight at this point, but I am excited to keep toning and working on my overall body composition! ^_^ 

Writing Ideas:
  • How EDAW undermines attempts to spread awareness;
    • Before / after photos: weight gain = cured, weight low = sick, therefore equating weight with severity of illness;
    • Soooo anorexia-centric;
    • “Sickest of the sick” / most extreme cases gain the most attention on social media but do not actually need more public awareness;
    • Competition and triggers result when explicit details, behaviors, and numbers are used in “recovery” stories: you don’t have to prove how sick you were in order to be an inspiration in recovery;
    • Feelings of invalidation via comparison by both the general public and eating disorder sufferers.

  • Making EDAW more effective in spreading actual awareness:
    • More focus on actual causes of eating disorders, ie. not social media or “diet culture”;
    • Little to no focus on weight or specific behaviors in the context of personal experiences, which are often irrelevant and an attempt at self-validation: are personal anecdotes of relapse even helpful?
    • Significant focus on OSFED and eating disorder sufferers who remain at “normal” weights or become overweight / obese;
    • Emphasis that recovery is ongoing after weight restoration: someone can look “healthy” but still be struggling immensely because physical recovery occurs before mental recovery;
    • Little to no focus on social media / diet culture as a cause of eating disorders and more focus on underlying issues;
    • Goal: Understanding the causes of eating disorders in combination with what recovery from an eating disorder really means, without numbers, explicit details, or shocking anecdotes.

  • Body positive in relation to eating disorder recovery:
    • Still places so much focus on body and weight
    • Perpetuates misconception that eating disorders are body image disorders that can be “cured” with body love
    • Possibly just treating a symptom of an eating disorder without encouraging further self-analysis: instead of refuting negative thoughts about weight or appearance, think about why those thoughts are presenting so strongly;
    • Too much emphasis on physical appearance / being beautiful: I didn’t develop anorexia because I didn’t feel beautiful, and feeling beautiful won’t “cure” my eating disorder;
    • Still very fatphobic: If your body positivity relies on convincing yourself that you’re not as fat as you think or that you’re “still skinny,” then your body positivity is still fatphobic.
  • What I’ve learned in recovery and in relapse after recovery.
    • The danger of claiming “remission” too early;
    • The importance of realizing relapses as learning experiences.

  • Maintaining an eating disorder identity in recovery via social media:
    • Body positive Instagrams with body checking;
    • Food photography / recipe blogs;
    • Always relating life experiences to recovery instead of focusing on those life experiences alone;
    • Running recovery advice blogs or similar;
    • Would you still love your stomach rolls, stretch marks, cellulite, etc. if those features weren’t receiving positive feedback for being “an inspiration” on social media?
    • Is your body acceptance reliant on external approval?

  • The danger of “before” / low-weight photos:
    • Almost always serves as self-validation of severity;
    • Can be motivated by the desire to “excuse” being at a healthy weight, as in, “I actually am uncomfortable with my healthy weight, so look at how thin I used to be!” or similar thought processes;
    • Obvious trigger to other eating disorder sufferers;
    • Serves literally no point though?
    • Again with equating weight gain with progress in recovery.

  • Fatphobia:
    • What is societal fatphobia?
    • What is internalized fatphobia?
    • What is fatphobia in the context of eating disorders?

  • Miscellaneous:
    • Thinking of calories as “happy points,” stretch marks as “tiger stripes,” etc. could be hindering the development of a “normal” perspective on food, weight, and body appearance?
    • Wanting to maintain a certain weight in recovery is inherently disordered, even if someone used to be overweight;

  • Harmful trends in the eating disorder recovery community:
    • So many..