Okay… I need some help with something

I really want to lose weight and I say this often. I have a gym membership and everything but it is really hard for me to bring myself to go.

I go to class at 7:15 in the morning and get home at 6 pm from Monday to Thursday. Friday I have off but I can’t bring myself to go? When I get hom from school I eat and just pass out on the couch.

Mind you I have a really bad self image when I look in the mirror. I am overweight… but not by a lot. My weight very much doesn’t work with my height so I often look bigger than what I am.

I am an emotional eater as well so at the end of a stressfull day (mind you everyday is stressfull lately) I just go crazy and eat.

This morning i went to the gym… felt good, came home and just ate and noe I feel like shit again.

Idk what to do… or how to stay motivated on top of all my school work. Any fitness fans that can help me a little?

So, I’ve been kinda disgusted with how slowly the weight has been coming off since my reboot after Thanksgiving. It feels like it’s coming off much more slowly than it went on, but today I saw this chart on the WeightGurus ap (that goes with my bluetooth scale), and I noticed that, at least for the few months leading up to my current highest weight and reboot, it’s actually going down faster than it went up.

That was somewhat encouraging, at least! It’s still not falling off like it’s done in the past (and like I had hoped and expected), but it is going in the right direction.  The older I get, the harder this is. Getting old sucks, but I guess it’s better than the alternative. 

I really wish Arin knew that soft boy doesn’t mean fat. It means emotional or sensitive. That’s it. I refer to Arin and Dan as my favorite soft boys because they’re both so lovely. I’m afraid the misunderstanding is what’s got him so worried about his weight despite the fact that he isn’t even fat. It’s been on my mind for a while now and I hope he figures it out before he resorts to some new age weight loss diet thing that will get dangerously unhealthy and cause him long term problems.

There is something wrong with actor health according to the BMI (males edition)

Dwayne Johnson: 45 yo, 6′5″, 260 lbs (obese)

Vin Diesel: 50 yo, 6′0″, 225 lbs (obese)

Tome Cruise: 5′7″, 55 yo, 170 lbs (overweight)

   I was at the local clinic getting a check up and my doctor asked me to do a fasting blood draw. I absolutely hate this because I am terrible with blood and I always feel nauseous and faint This happens to me every year because I am severely overweight and my doctor pulls out the BMI chart to show me how bad it is. I have weighed as much as 380lbs at a mere 6′3″ so my BMI reached almost 50 which meant I was dying. I have lost weight (I have not grown any taller though) and my BMI is in the 30s, but my doctor seems to think that I am dying at any moment and my liver function will halt completely with a slight breeze (my blood tests say otherwise every year). My doctor wants me to get down to a “healthy” weight according to the BMI, which would be between 150 and 190 lbs. At my absolute healthiest (23 and working out 5 days a week), I weighed 225 lbs and would have been considered overweight. I would have to be deathly skinny to attain that BMI set weight goal. I have come to terms with the fact that I am a really big guy and that I won’t be some fit actor. However, it occurred to me that fit actors might not be “healthy” either.

   Above are pictures of well known actors that I would consider in remarkably good shape, especially for their age. It is strange to me that both Dwayne Johnson and Vin Diesel would be considered obese. Even Tom Cruise would be considered overweight. I delved a little deeper and made a list of male actors and how they would be classified according to reported body stats:

Chris Evans (overweight)

Brad Pitt (borderline overweight)

Gerard Butler (overweight)

Daniel Craig (overweight)

Micheal Cera (healthy)

Chris Pratt (morbidly obese in Parks and Rec but down to overweight for Guardians of the Galaxy)

All James Bond actors would have been considered overweight or borderline overweight during the making of their movies

 This little research project actually raised more questions than answers for me (is the BMI wrong, are actors actually fat, are actors lying about their stats, should the BMI be adjusted, are actors not actually healthy), but one thing that I came away with is I should not to let a number define me. I am sluggish and can’t do all the things that I want to do so I want to continue to lose weight. However, when I get to a point where I am active and feel good and enjoy my life, I am going to stop no matter what the actual number of pounds or BMI points is. Let your body tell you what your weight should be and don’t let your self esteem be based on a number.

Weigh In 3.17.18

Highest weight: 242.1

Starting weight: 207.8

Weigh in last week: 192.6

Weigh in today: 189.6

Weight lost this week: 3.0

Total weight lost since restart: 18.2

Weight lost overall: 52.5

Did pretty well this week. Went to the gym 4 times. Did cardio for about 45-60 minutes each session. Overall kept my eating appropriate about 90% of the time. Hit my mini goal of 190 today. 180 will be the next mini goal for that. By next week really gonna strive to be 20 lbs down since my restart. Today I surpassed the 50 lbs down mark overall.