My pain is so tangible; I can reach out and touch it. It’s everywhere; consuming me. I don’t even realise how long it’s been eating away at my insides until I finally cave in and crumble helplessly, crashing, spiralling down, hopeless and helpless.
The terrible tightening in my chest, the constriction of my lungs, the deep shuddering breaths as I try to hold back the inevitable - but I break.
I always break.
The painful wracking sobs, screaming silently, my damaged self- seeping out through the cracks that I flimsily repair each time I fall apart, countlessly over and over again.
Although; this time those cracks have split wide open; leaving gaping holes in my own body.
I wail for a long time, weeping pitifully as I cry myself a pool of self- sympathy, until I’m empty, benumbed and finally turned completely inside out.
The actual, physical ache that I feel in my chest and in my bones when I’m so sad is fucking awful, and it will never go away, despite how much I push my emotions aside and believe that I’ll be a stronger person in the long run.
I think about the hurt people go through when relationships or friendships break down and fall apart. How we’re expected to just get on with things and be okay when we’re barely capable of a thought or memory that doesn’t involve the other person. When you really care about someone, genuinely and deeply, it doesn’t just vanish, no matter how terrible the ending is.
It's amazing how kindhearted Jon is despite the terrible treatment he got from Catelyn growing up. Even Sansa admits she herself was horrible to him when they were kids. All that could've hardened anyone but you can see the Jon is just good hearted at his very core.