weeps pitifully

My pain is so tangible; I can reach out and touch it. It’s everywhere; consuming me. I don’t even realise how long it’s been eating away at my insides until I finally cave in and crumble helplessly, crashing, spiralling down, hopeless and helpless.

The terrible tightening in my chest, the constriction of my lungs, the deep shuddering breaths as I try to hold back the inevitable - but I break.

I always break.

The painful wracking sobs, screaming silently, my damaged self- seeping out through the cracks that I flimsily repair each time I fall apart, countlessly over and over again.

Although; this time those cracks have split wide open; leaving gaping holes in my own body.

I wail for a long time, weeping pitifully as I cry myself a pool of self- sympathy, until I’m empty, benumbed and finally turned completely inside out.

The actual, physical ache that I feel in my chest and in my bones when I’m so sad is fucking awful, and it will never go away, despite how much I push my emotions aside and believe that I’ll be a stronger person in the long run.

I think about the hurt people go through when relationships or friendships break down and fall apart. How we’re expected to just get on with things and be okay when we’re barely capable of a thought or memory that doesn’t involve the other person. When you really care about someone, genuinely and deeply, it doesn’t just vanish, no matter how terrible the ending is.

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Miracles, Magic and Medals

Since I don’t often blog about my magic here, I figured I’d share something I posted on a forum related to Christian and Catholic magical practices, particularly one item that has been a part of my life since I was born. The Medal of Saint Benedict.



The Background

Benedict of Nursia (c. 480 – 543 or 547) is a Christian saint that is sometimes overlooked by modern magical practitioners and is honored by the Catholic Church, some Orthodox and the Anglican Churches, as the patron saint of Western monasticism but also has a number of other patronages ranging from scholasticism, deliverance from temptation, and inflammatory diseases in addition to being invoked against witchcraft, poison and sorcery.

The most famous and recognizable emblem of Saint Benedict today is the so-called Jubilee Medal. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia:

It is doubtful when the Medal of St. Benedict originated. During a trial for witchcraft at Natternberg near the Abbey of Metten in Bavaria in the year 1647, the accused women testified that they had no power over Metten, which was under the protection of the cross. Upon investigation, a number of painted crosses, surrounded by the letters which are now found on Benedictine medals, were found on the walls of the abbey, but their meaning had been forgotten. Finally, in an old manuscript, written in 1415, was found a picture representing St. Benedict holding in one hand a staff which ends in a cross, and a scroll in the other. On the staff and scroll were written in full the words of which the mysterious letters were the initials. Medals bearing the image of St. Benedict, a cross, and these letters began now to be struck in Germany, and soon spread over Europe. They were first approved by Benedict XIV in his briefs of 23 December, 1741, and 12 March, 1742. The Jubilee Medal below was first struck in 1880 to commemorate the 14th centennary of St. Benedict’s birth.

Having gone to a Benedictine university and my family having a close relationship with the Benedictine community there, I learned from the monks a lot of clever traditions surrounding the Medal of Saint Benedict ranging from burying blessed medals in the foundations of buildings to protect them from evil, to hanging large bronze copies over the doors of houses and barns to protect inhabitants as well as one famous example where a monk hid them in the corner of a classroom where students were known to have sex on campus after hours which stopped them from ever doing it in the classrooms again.

The Medal



The front of the medal typically depicts St. Benedict holding his Rule; next to him, on a pedestal, is the cup that once held poison, shattered after he made the Sign of the Cross over it. The other pedestal is topped by the raven, who is about to carry away the poisoned bread. In very small print above these pedestals are the words: Crux s. patris Benedicti (The Cross of our Holy Father Benedict).

Underneath St. Benedict are the words: ex SM Casino MDCCCLXXX (from holy Monte Cassino, 1880).

Surrounding the entire face of the medal are the words: Eius in obitu nostro praesentia muniamur (May we at our death be fortified by his presence.)

On the obverse of the medal there is a cross with the initials C S S M L - N D S M D, which stand for the rhyme:

Latin:

Crux sacra sit mihi lux!
Nunquam draco sit mihi dux!

English:

The Holy Cross be my light;
Let not the dragon be my guide.

In the corners of the Cross are C S P D, which stand for the same words found on the front over the pedestals: Crux s. patris Benedicti (The Cross of our Holy Father Benedict).

Above the Cross is the word “Pax” (Peace), one of the handfulls of Benedictine mottoes.

Surrounding the entire back of the medal are the initials to the words of the exorcism: V R S N S M V - S M Q L I V B, which stand for the rhyme:

Latin:

Vade retro Satana!
Nunquam suade mihi vana!
Sunt mala quae libas.
Ipse venena bibas!

English:

Begone, Satan,
Do not suggest to me thy vanities!
Evil are the things thou offerest,
Drink thou thy own poison!

There are many variations of the medal, as mentioned above; sometimes used as the centerpiece in rosaries, sometimes incorporated into a crucifix, other times. Ideally one would take these medals to a priest to have blessed, though for those who may have some problems with this, the following is the approved blessing of the Catholic Church:

Blessing of the Medal of St. Benedict

Priest: Our help is in the name of the Lord.

Response: Who made heaven and earth.

Priest: In the name of God the Father + Almighty, Who made heaven and earth, the sea and all that is in them, I exorcise these medals against the power and attacks of the evil one. May all who use these medals devoutly be blessed with health of soul and body. In the name of the Father + Almighty, of His Son + Jesus Christ our Lord, and of the Holy + Spirit the Paraclete, and in the love of the same Lord Jesus Christ Who will come on the last day to judge the living and the dead.

Response: Amen.

Priest: Let us pray. Almighty God, the boundless Source of all good things, we humbly ask that, through the intercession of St. Benedict, Thou pourest out Thy blessings + upon these medals. May those who use them devoutly and earnestly strive to perform goods works be blessed by Thee with health of soul and body, the grace of a holy death, and remission of temporal punishment due to sin. May they also, with the help of Thy merciful love, resist the temptations of the evil one and strive to exercise true charity and justice toward all, so that one day they may appear sinless and holy in Thy sight. This we ask through Christ our Lord.

Response: Amen.

The Miracles During his life and shortly after, many miracles were attributed to the holy Saint Benedict. The majority of them can be found in the encyclopedic Dialogues of Gregory the Great. Here are a few examples from book two:

“Benedict having now given over the school, with a resolute mind to lead his life in the wilderness: his nurse alone, which did tenderly love him, would not by any means give him over. Coming, therefore, to a place called Enside  and remaining there in the church of St. Peter, in the company of other virtuous men, which for charity lived in that place, it fell so out that his nurse borrowed of the neighbors a sieve to make clean wheat, which being left negligently upon the table, by chance it was broken in two pieces: whereupon she fell pitifully a-weeping, because she had borrowed it. The devout and religious youth Benedict, seeing his nurse so lamenting, moved with compassion, took away with him both the pieces of the sieve, and with tears fell to his prayers; and after he had done, rising up he found it so whole, that the place could not be seen where before it was broken; and coming straight to his nurse, and comforting her with good words, he delivered her the sieve safe and sound: which miracle was known to all the inhabitants thereabout, and so much admired, that the townsmen, for a perpetual memory, did hang it up at the church door, to the end that not only men then living, but also their posterity might understand, how greatly God’s grace did work with him upon his first renouncing of the world. The sieve continued there many years after, even to these very troubles of the Lombards, where it did hang over the church door.” Dialogues. Of the Life and Miracles of St. Benedict. C.1. “Having now taken upon him the charge of the Abbey, he took order that regular life should be observed, so that none of them could, as before they used, through unlawful acts decline from the path of holy conversation, either on the one side or on the other: which the monks perceiving, they fell into a great rage, accusing themselves that ever they desired him to be their Abbot, seeing their crooked conditions could not endure his virtuous kind of government: and therefore when they saw that under him they could not live in unlawful sort, and were loath to leave their former conversation, and found it hard to be enforced with old minds to meditate and think upon new things: and because the life of virtuous men is always grievous to those that be of wicked conditions, some of them began to devise, how they might rid him out of the way: and therefore, taking counsel together, they agreed to poison his wine: which being done, and the glass wherein that wine was, according to the custom, offered to the Abbot to bless, he, putting forth his hand, made the sign of the cross, and straightway the glass, that was holden far off, brake in pieces, as though the sign of the cross had been a stone thrown against it: upon which accident the man of God by and by perceived that the glass had in it the drink of death, which could not endure the sign of life: and therefore rising up, with a mild countenance and quiet mind, he called the monks together, and spake thus unto them: "Almighty God have mercy upon you, and forgive you: why have you used me in this manner? Did not I tell you before hand, that our manner of living could never agree together? Go your ways, and seek ye out some other father suitable to your own conditions, for I intend not now to stay any longer amongst you.” When he had thus discharged himself, he returned back to the wilderness which so much he loved, and dwelt alone with himself, in the sight of his Creator, who beholdeth the hearts of all men.“ Of the Life and Miracles of St. Benedict. C. III.

"At the same time a certain clergyman, that served in the church of Aquinum, was possessed: whom the venerable man Constantius, Bishop of the same city, sent unto many places of holy martyrs for help: but God’s holy martyrs would not deliver him, to the end that the world might know what great grace was in the servant of God, Benedict: wherefore at length he was brought unto him,  who, praying for help to Jesus Christ our Lord, did forthwith cast the old enemy out of the possessed man’s body, giving him this charge: "Go your way, and hereafter abstain from eating of flesh, and presume not to enter into holy orders, for whensoever you shall attempt any such thing, the devil again will have power over you.” The man departed safe and sound, and because punishment fresh in memory useth to terrify the mind, he observed for a time what the man of God had given him in commandment. But after many years, when all his seniors were dead, and he saw his juniors preferred before him to holy orders, he neglected the words of the man of God, as though forgotten through length of time, and took upon him holy orders: whereupon straightways the devil that before had left him entered again, and never gave over to torment him, until he had separated his soul from his body.“ Of the Life and Miracles of St. Benedict. C. XVI. The Magic Traditionally, medals have been worn since the early times of the church for the protection and patronage of various holy men and holy women. Although magical practices have historically been forbidden, it wasn’t long before these medals and other jewelry would take the place of the ”diabolical“ amulets and talismans of the pagans. The Jubilee Medal of Saint Benedict is no different. The easiest method to employ the magical properties of the medal is through simply wearing the blessed item and perhaps reciting a prayer to Saint Benedict when you feel like you may be under spiritual assault or compulsion. Another, similar, employment would be to make the sign of the cross, and recite the Latin verse on the obverse side of the medal. This has been known for a long time to put to flight negative powers and temptations if recited with full faith.

For those who may practice New World forms of folk magic, one may incorporate the medal into a mojo or gris-gris bag.

Benedictine Mojo for Protection from Evil

Black flannel bag
Petition Paper
Angelica root
Three pieces Devil’s Shoestrings
Blessed Thisle
Frankincense
Blessed Salt
Saint Benedict Medal
Saint Benedict holy card

First, write the petition paper with your name written three, seven or nine times then, turning the paper clockwise write either, ’Vade retro Satana!‘or ’Begone, Satan!’ over your name the same number of times as you have written it.

On the obverse side of the petition paper, draw the cross as found on the medal and around it write your petition in a circle, in cursive, so that it forms a ring. Anoint the paper with a protection oil such as Run Devil Run, Fiery Wall of Protection, or Banishing oil on the four corners and in the center of the cross. Fold the paper toward you three times and place in front of the image of Saint Benedict then pray the following:

Glorious St. Benedict who taught us the way to religious perfection by the practice of self-conquest, mortification, humility, obedience, prayer, silence, retirement and detachment from the world, I kneel at your feet and humbly beg you to take my present need under your special protection (mention here). Vouchsafe to recommend it to the Blessed Virgin Mary, and lay it before the throne of Jesus. Cease not to intercede for me until my request is granted. Above all, obtain for me the grace to one day meet God face to face, and with you and Mary and all the angels and saints to praise Him through all eternity. O most powerful Saint Benedict, do not let me lose my soul, but obtain for me the grace of winning my way to heaven, there to worship and enjoy the most holy and adorable Trinity forever and ever. Amen.

Then pray one Our Father, one Hail Mary, and one Glory Be, then place the herbs and card in the mojo bag and close it, sewing the Jubilee Medal to the outside of the bag. Next, fumigate the mojo with frankincense incense and feed it with a dab of liquor such as rum or whiskey and anoint the medal with the protection oil. This should be repeated every day for at least a week while reciting each of the penitential psalms in order for even days, afterward it can be done once a week while omitting the psalms.

Blessing of Saint Maurus

Saint Maurus was the first disciple of St. Benedict of Nursia (512-584). He is mentioned in St. Gregory the Great’s biography of the latter as the first oblate; offered to the monastery by his noble Roman parents as a young boy to be brought up in the monastic life. Four stories involving Maurus recounted by Gregory formed a pattern for the ideal formation of a Benedictine monk. The following is a traditional blessing of the sick that can be done by anyone regardless of state of life.

Place above the sick bed a crucifix bearing the Saint Benedict Medal or, if impossible, the medal alone should suffice. The act of contrition should be said by both the person leading the blessing as well as by the sick, followed by the act of Faith, Hope and Charity, then the a prayer to Saint Benedict that the person be delivered, followed by three Our Fathers, Three Hail Marys and Three Glory Be’s in honor of the Holy Trinity.

The person leading the blessing approaches the sick and says,

V. Blessing and glory, and wisdom, and thanksgiving, honor and power and strength to our God forever and ever.
R. Amen.

V. My foot has stood in the direct way.
R. In the churches I will bless You, O Lord.

Through the invocation of the most holy name of the Lord may that faith, in which St. Maurus, by employing the words that follow, healed the sick, and in which I, though an unworthy sinner, utter the selfsame words, restore your health as you desire:

In the name of the most holy and undivided Trinity and supported by the merits of the most holy Father Benedict, I bid you, N., to rise, stand upon your feet and be cured, in the name of the Father and of the Son + and of the Holy Spirit.

R. Amen.

V. He that forgives the iniquities of his creatures.
R. May He heal your infirmities.

V. O Lord, hear my prayer.
R. And let my cry come to You.

V. The Lord be with you.
R. And with your spirit.

Let us pray

O God, the Creator, of all things, You ordained that Your only Son should take flesh of the Virgin Mary by the power of the Holy Spirit for the restoration of your people and You deigned to heal the wounds and infirmities of our souls by the redemption accomplished upon the sacred and glorious wood of the life-giving Cross: do You also vouchsafe through this powerful sign to restore health to Your servant N. Through the same Christ our Lord.
R. Amen.

Let us pray

Lord Jesus Christ, You conferred upon the master, blessed Benedict, the privilege of obtaining from You whatsoever he might ask in Your name: vouchsafe, through his intercession, to heal all the infirmities of this Your servant: in order that, being restored to health, he (she) may give thanks to Your holy name.

You live and reign with the Father and the Holy Spirit for ever and ever.
R. Amen.

The Blessing

Through the invocation of the Immaculate Mother of God and ever Virgin Mary, and the intercession of Saints Benedict and Maurus, may the Power + of God the Father, the Wisdom + of God the Son, and the Strength + of the Holy Spirit free you from your infirmities. Amen.

May God’s holy will be done, and may it be done to you as you wish and pray, for the praise and honor of the most holy Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ.

The person performing the blessing and the sick make upon themselves the sign of the cross with the relic of the Cross or the medal of St. Benedict saying:

May the blessing of Almighty God, of the Father and of the Son + and of the Holy Spirit descend upon us and abide with us forever.
R. Amen.

The sick person then kisses the cross or the medal of St. Benedict.
This blessing, if need be, may be repeated three times and the Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary are to be prayed according to the aforesaid intentions by the sick person, or by others in the person’s name.

And a final, if very simple method, can be used in lieu of holy water should there be non available or in case of sudden emergency.

Water of Saint Benedict

You will need:

A Ceramic Vessel

An image of Saint Benedict
A Jubilee Medal
A small amount of salt
A white cloth

Filling the vessel with water, place it on a white cloth in front of the image of Saint Benedict and a lit candle. Recite three Our Fathers, three Hail Marys, and three Glory Be’s in honor of the Holy Trinity. Next, take three pinches of salt and cast it into the water saying,

In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Through the intercession of Saint Benedict, I cast out all evil from this water that it may be fruitful and healing to the benefit of man and put to flight all evil. Amen.

Then, place the medal in the water saying,

Admirable Saint and Doctor of Humility, you practiced what you taught, assiduously praying for God’s glory and lovingly fulfilling all work for God and the benefit of all human beings. You know the many physical dangers that surround us today often caused or occasioned by human inventions. Guard us against poisoning of the body as well as of mind and soul, and thus be truly a “Blessed” one for us. Amen.

Leave the medal in the water until the candle burns out, after which it can be used for exorcisms as well as sprinkled around one’s house or apartment for protection.

It Is Widely Believed That Lincoln Anticipated His Assassination- 

The probe used by Dr. Barnes to locate the ball and the fragments of Lincoln’s skull removed at autopsy. Part of the Armed Forces Institute of Pathology (AFIP)

According to Ward Hill Lamon, Lincoln’s friend and biographer, three days before his assassination Lincoln discussed with Lamon and others a dream he had, saying:

“About ten days ago, I retired very late. I had been up waiting for important dispatches from the front. I could not have been long in bed when I fell into a slumber, for I was weary. I soon began to dream. There seemed to be a death-like stillness about me. Then I heard subdued sobs, as if a number of people were weeping. I thought I left my bed and wandered downstairs. There the silence was broken by the same pitiful sobbing, but the mourners were invisible. I went from room to room; no living person was in sight, but the same mournful sounds of distress met me as I passed along. I saw light in all the rooms; every object was familiar to me; but where were all the people who were grieving as if their hearts would break? I was puzzled and alarmed. What could be the meaning of all this? Determined to find the cause of a state of things so mysterious and so shocking, I kept on until I arrived at the East Room, which I entered. There I met with a sickening surprise. Before me was a catafalque, on which rested a corpse wrapped in funeral vestments. Around it were stationed soldiers who were acting as guards; and there was a throng of people, gazing mournfully upon the corpse, whose face was covered, others weeping pitifully. ‘Who is dead in the White House?’ I demanded of one of the soldiers, 'The President,’ was his answer; 'he was killed by an assassin.’ Then came a loud burst of grief from the crowd, which woke me from my dream. I slept no more that night; and although it was only a dream, I have been strangely annoyed by it ever since.”

On the day of the assassination, Lincoln had told his bodyguard, William H. Crook, that he had been having dreams of himself being assassinated for three straight nights. Crook advised Lincoln not to go that night to Ford’s Theatre, but Lincoln said he had promised his wife they would go. As Lincoln left for the theater, he turned to Crook and said, “Goodbye, Crook.” According to Crook, this was the first time he said that. Before, Lincoln had always said, “Good night, Crook.” Crook later recalled: “It was the first time that he neglected to say 'Good Night’ to me and it was the only time that he ever said 'Good-bye’. I thought of it at that moment and, a few hours later, when the news flashed over Washington that he had been shot, his last words were so burned into my being that they can never be forgotten.”

After Lincoln was shot, Mary was quoted as saying, “His dream was prophetic.”

anonymous asked:

It's amazing how kindhearted Jon is despite the terrible treatment he got from Catelyn growing up. Even Sansa admits she herself was horrible to him when they were kids. All that could've hardened anyone but you can see the Jon is just good hearted at his very core.

he’s an angel. cat (& robb, but more cat) dying without knowing who he really is, i think is really sad. i bet she’d make it all up to him in a heartbeat if she knew. and because he’s so good-hearted, i also bet george is going to make us weep pitifully. ugh.