request: “Oh man can you do a draco x reader using 248 and 370 please?” - @tragicallypetty
word count: ~1600
a/n: if this got terribly confusing/out of hand i apologize, i started off in one mood in the beginning and then, due to my mood swings, ended in a totally different one. if this is crazy sorry! im a crazy lady! lmfao anyway enjoy i hope this is what u wanted!!!
(from a discussion about the fact I have to give a speech for Bus. Comm class. It only has to be three min and I said I could talk about Tom’s eye color for three minutes. persephone622 said I should. The top response is mine (in green, naturally). The wheels spun and I can’t help myself).
So then, ladies and gents and all others, I present to you:
Tom Hiddleston University
THIST 1001: History of Tom, 1981-2001
THIST 1002: History of Tom, 2001-present
PSYCH 433: Loki: Senior Seminar in comparative psychology
ENG 371: Shakespeare as portrayed by Tom (Coriolanus, Henry IV and V, Othello, Cymbeline)
PHYS 122: Ah…Physical Education. No more needs to be said there.
BIO 2401: AnaTomy and Physiology, 1st semester. (lab included, bring protective glasses. Tom specimens for examination). Emphasis: musculature, vocal anaTomy, (cough) bones.
BIO 2402: AnaTomy and Physiology, 2nd semester. (lab included, bring protective glasses. If you have destroyed your first Tom specimen you must purchase another before the first day of class). Emphasis: (ahem) reproductive system.
MATH 101: Developmental Math for people who can’t add in their heads. No further math required.
Swedish 101: Basic communication to ‘get the message across’ to Magnus Martinsson.
LIT 422: Tom’s Favorite Books. Any Human Heart, Anna Karenina, and The Patrick Melrose Novels will be examined.
LIT 423: Best Tom fanfiction: The finest fanfic about Tom and his characters will be examined.
Upon completion of these courses, you will be awarded with a BA in Sexual Frustration. Graduate degrees (MA) available in Sexual Frustration, Smut Writing, Sighing, and Throwing One’s Panties Out of the Window.
Student Life includes the L.O.K.I. Sorority and the Tom Honor Society. Activities on campus include screaming incoherently, weeping blood, and wanting to run your fingers through his hair. Counseling available.
Do you have any courses we should add to the curriculum? We want to ensure our graduates have the finest Tom education anywhere.
Caryl fic war drabble to drown out the wank of the day
“What’s Daryl’s wife’s name?”
Glenn stared at Tara, confused.
She pointed emphatically at the couple walking near the front of the line. “His wife?” she whispered, looking at him like he’d lost his mind. “Gotta admit I’m surprised. He didn’t seem like the type to settle down. All…rugged, angry, lethal redneck…but that is kinda hot. She is, too. So what’s her name?”
“That’s Carol. But she’s not Daryl’s wife.”
Tara chuckled. “Sure. She’s his sister. His friend? Because all dudes hug their sisters and friends like that, with an instinctual pelvic thrust, weeping and nuzzling, and…incoherence.” She looked pointedly at Glenn. “That man’s so in love with her walkers can see it.”
“She’s in need of some good lovin’, too,” Abraham chimed in quietly from behind them. “Saved us all by her damn self. He better thank her properly. First bedroom we come across, I’m suggesting they use. To it’s full advantage.”
“Guys, I’m telling you, she’s not his wife,” Glenn implored.
“Then who is she?” Tara wondered.
“Exactly!” Tara said proudly. “She’s his. And he is so hers.”
Glenn opened his mouth to counter her, then thought better of it, nodding instead. “Pretty much have been since I met them.”