week 12 of 52

take this burden - part 22

Jian Yi and Zhengxi.

[ leave a trace - CHVRCHES ]

-

Jian Yi liked to think about their first time.

Zhengxi did too.

But they rarely talked about it.

Jian Yi had spent so many years desperately wanting his best friend.

Not just sexually, necessarily.

He just…wanted him.

After awhile, being friends wasn’t enough.

And, after a while, after being turned down so very many times- it was time to move on.

No one but Jian Yi knows the extent of the…troubles he had with his first boyfriend.

Not even Zhengxi.

But he knew enough to understand why Jian Yi was so immediately protective of Mo Guan Shan.

Zhengxi came to feel the same way almost immediately.

When Jian Yi was 17 years old he met a man that seemed to be pretty decent boyfriend material.

People like that often do.

He realized he was wrong quickly, swallowed his pride and told Zhengxi.

The next day he chose to bail his best friend out of jail and didn’t bother to visit the other man in the hospital.

Having had plenty of time alone with nothing to do but think, the first thing Zhengxi did when they stepped back into the sunshine was embrace Jian Yi.

The first thing he said was ‘I’m sorry.’

The second thing he did was hold Jian Yi’s face in his hands and kiss him until a police officer told them to clear out.

The second thing he said was ‘I love you.’

Things moved slowly between them.

Agonizingly slowly.

He Tian thought he was suffering on day four.
Oh, please.

It took the two of them a year.

It was an agreement they’d made.

Jian Yi was terrified that Zhengxi was doing this out of guilt, or just to make him happy.

Zhengxi couldn’t stand the thought of irrevocably destroying their friendship, or push him too far too fast.

It was all hand holding and relatively innocent kisses for the first little while.

That graduated to small displays of public affection and a bit more contact.

They’d both taken to masturbating before meeting up.

Four months passed at a snail’s pace.

They’d moved on to careful hand jobs.

Six months in they moved in together, staying in separate rooms.

Eight progressively painful months passed.

They got very, very, drunk and Jian Yi gave Zhengxi a sloppy blowjob.

Zhengxi lasted all of four seconds.

Ten months, Jian Yi convinced (begged) him to finger him.

By the time the slowest year the world had ever seen was over, they’d both reached a level of desperation akin to insanity.

12 months doesn’t sound too bad, right?

52 weeks?

365 days?

8,760 hours?

525,600 minutes?

31,536,000 seconds?!

It was torture.

They planned to make an evening if it.

Zhengxi had the day off work.

He made all of Jian Yi’s favorite foods, picked out some romantic music.

He’d even lit candles.

He made sure they had plenty of lube and condoms.

He even got everything together for a bubble bath after it was all over.

Jian Yi came home from work, kicked his boots off and closed himself in the bathroom.

Before Zhengxi could process this fully, Jian Yi was back, stark naked, drying his hair.

He dropped the towel and made a beeline for Zhengxi.

He grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the living room.

‘What are you-’

‘Take your clothes off.’ Jian Yi demanded.

Even when he tried to argue that the food would get cold he had already started undressing.

When he was done, Jian Yi shoved him onto the couch and straddled his lap and kissed him deeply.

Jian Yi kissed down his jaw, sucking gently at the side of his neck, gently running his tongue over the sharp collarbone.

‘Jian Yi, I…’ he gestured towards the rapidly cooling food on the table half heartedly.

‘I can see that. Thank you. But as of right now, I’ve waited years to feel you inside me and I refuse to wait a fucking second longer.

‘G-give me the lube, I’ll get you ready.’ Zhengxi whispered, holding his hand out for the small bottle in the other man’s hand.

Jian Yi shook his head.

‘Took care of it in the shower.’ He explained, popping the cap open to pour a liberal amount into his palm before reaching down and spreading it over Zhengxi’s, already painful, erection.

He wasted no time sitting up on his knees, lining them up, and sinking down on him one inch at a time.

The wet, hot, pressure that engulfed him was so overwhelming he thought he was going to black out.

He didn’t take his eyes off Jian Yi’s face for a second.

The pain he tried to hide was heartbreaking but he clearly had prepared himself.

Before Zhengxi could tell him to take it slow, he had taken it all in.

Zhengxi stroked his back as he took several deep breaths.

Very slowly, the muscles around him began to relax.

Jian Yi lifted himself up on shaking arms before sinking down again.

‘Jian Yi, oh my god.’ Zhengxi’s voice was rough and strained.

He did it three more times.

Zhengxi shook with the effort of not flipping them over and fucking him the way he imagined several times a day.

Stay still.

Let him get used to it.

‘Ok.’ Jian Yi whispered.

‘I’m ready.’

‘What…what should I do?’ Zhengxi asked lamely.

Thankfully, Jian Yi understood.

‘I want you on top.’

They carefully maneuvered themselves so Jian Yi was flat on his back, Zhengxi between his legs.

‘Are you ready?’

Jian Yi nodded, skin bright red from the roots of his hair to the head of his cock.

‘I’ve been waiting for a very, very, long time to say this.’ Jian Yi informed him quietly, pulling the other man down by the back of his neck.

‘Fuck me, Zhengxi.’

He did not need to be asked twice.
As gently as he could, he began to move
his hips.

Jian Yi wrapped a leg around his waist, tilting his hips up with a soft, contented, sigh.

After several whispered pleas, Jian Yi froze, catching his attention.

‘Zhengxi. Fuck. me. harder.’ He growled, sending shivers down Zhengxi’s spine.

When you think of someone, there’s always a few pictures that pop into your head.

Images of them burned into your memory.

Maybe they were laughing, or smiling, or doing something stupid.

There’s always a picture or two that stick.

Months before that memorable night, Zhengxi had been experimenting.

Using instructions from the internet, (where all the most reliable instructions come from) he’d found his prostate.

It had been an uncommonly difficult feat and he didn’t do it often because the angle killed his shoulder, but he when he did it was more than a noteworthy experience.

Trying to use his vague knowledge to find Jian Yi’s was awkward and likely confusing, but the look on Jian Yi’s face.

The utter shock as his back arched and fingernails dug into Zhengxi’s shoulders as he came…

That was rarely far from his mind.

Zhengxi didn’t last much longer.

They cleaned up.

The atmosphere in the room was different than it had ever been.

The tension had eased.

The elephant in the room had found someone new to frustrate.

They ate dinner, talked about their respective days, washed dishes together, and made their way back to the bedroom.

There was no uncertainty this time.

No doubts or fear that either one of them didn’t want it.

Zhengxi spoiled Jian Yi just as he’d always imagined.

He held him closely as he fingered him for god knows how long, teaching them both about Jian Yi and.

He swallowed his embarrassment, starting with tiny licks and kisses around that tight, twitching, ring of muscle, and ended with his Zhengxi fucking his boyfriend with his tongue until he begged for his cock.

They fell asleep in each other’s arms only when the sun began to rise, grateful they’d taken the next day off work.

2

[ 02.11.17 | 12:37 ] 

52-Week BuJo Challenge ♥ by  @whycantistudyinpeace

  • Week 5: How are you feeling today? I say “Inspired” because of a classmate’s life story~ 
  • Week 6: Favorite Quote: Do what you love and Do it often 😌 

Had no more space left last week so I decided to cave ‘em to this week’s 😂 also a sneak peek of my Valentine spread for next week yaaay~ so pink again ^^

studygram: pastelle.study

lielow-at-lupins  asked:

Hey, whenever you have the time could you write something about Remus coming to visit Sirius in Azkaban? Like Sirius trying to get Remus to hear him out and Remus just being all cold and distant and both of them heartbroken? I saw something upthehill drew and it made me want to read about it. Idk if you write Wolfstar but you're probably my fav writer on here so I immediately thought of you. Also sorry for the pain.

Thank you so much, I’m so honored that you’d ask me to write this! @upthehillart is my absolute favorite Harry Potter artist. This piece, as well as all of her other work, is absolutely amazing, so I highly suggest that everyone checks her blog out and gives her a follow if you haven’t already! 

Warnings: angst, mentions of depression, might break your heart a little, IM SORRY


It had been a year. A whole year since Sirius had been sent to Azkaban. An entire year since every single friend had been lost. 12 horrible months of being alone. 52 miserable weeks of harrowing depression. 365 dreadful days of being unable to believe that it had happened, how it had happened.

That went for both of them. Neither of them felt these things more than the other, but that’s how they had always been, sharing each other’s pain rather than one of them being forced to take and bear it all. But this time, even sharing it, the pain was still unbearable.

Sirius knew something Remus didn’t, though. He knew that he was innocent. He knew that he didn’t belong in a prison cell, having the happiness sucked out of him. He knew that it was Peter that belonged there. That Peter, who was responsible for James and Lily’s death, the deaths of 12 innocent muggles, and for Sirius living in this hell, was still out there, free. And the fact that Remus didn’t know the truth, that he thought Sirius deserved this, destroyed Sirius more than a cold cell with soul-sucking dementors ever could.

As well as it being a year of misery and depression, it had also been a year since they had seen each other. Remus hadn’t gone to see Sirius. He couldn’t. He couldn’t put himself through that. It would be too much. Sirius sat in his cell everyday, waiting. He was sure his Moony would come, would demand an explanation. He needed him to come, he had to tell him the truth. He had to have Remus back on his side again. He had to make sure he and Harry and everyone else, muggle and wizard, were safe from their rat of a friend. But Remus never came. Sirius waited and hoped. For the first few months, he was always positive that would be the day Remus would show up, but as the days continued, Sirius knew he wasn’t coming, so he stopped waiting. Stopped hoping. Or at least stopped consciously hoping, because in the back of the head he was always hoping and wishing to see Remus.

But on that anniversary, although Remus hated to think of it as that, as he normally considered anniversaries to be happy events, he decided that he had to go. He had been putting it off for a year, and now it had to be done. He wasn’t sure how to go about it, if something had to be scheduled or if he could just show up. He opted for the latter because he decided he wouldn’t be all that upset if he found out he was forced to leave and set up a later visit. There was also the fact that he didn’t even know how he would set it up. Were there even people who worked at the prison, or was it just dementors? He figured that he’d soon find out.

Upon arriving, he saw that there were, in fact, people who worked there. Before you enter the area with the inmates and the dementors, there was a type of office, waiting room area. He talked to the surprisingly nice lady at the desk about visiting, and she said it was fine to visit Sirius today. She then led him to a different room, specific for visits, with two doors, a window where Remus could see into another part of the building, a table, and chairs. Remus didn’t sit. He felt it would be best to keep the visit brief, and sitting only implied longevity of conversations.

The woman then went to get Sirius, saying it would only be a few minutes. Remus was nervous. He could feel his heart beating in his chest and the sweat on his hands. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but when he caught a glimpse of Sirius through the window, he was shocked at what he saw.

Sirius, who had always been lively and happy, was almost unrecognizable. His clothes, which always used to be up to the latest fashion, had been replaced with a striped jump-suit. His hair, that he had always took such good care of, was a right mess. His eyes, which used to shine so bright, were now sunken in and looked as if he was in a daze. His previous muscular build was nowhere to be seen, now just skin and bones.

Remus felt his heart break at the sight. He immediately felt sympathy for his friend. But then he quickly scolded himself for his thoughts. He couldn’t allow Sirius to do this to him. Sirius is the reason his friends are dead. He couldn’t feel bad. He couldn’t allow Sirius to work his charm, if it was still there, and somehow get Remus back on his side. He wouldn’t let it happen. He was there to get a year’s worth of hurt and anger out. He would yell and scream until he was blue in the face if that’s what it took.

Sirius seemed to not notice Remus when he walked past the window. Or maybe he was just unable to see him, Remus suspected the window was one-way glass.

But when Sirius was led through the door opposite the one Remus came through, his look of confusion at where he was being taken and why, was quickly replaced with his eyes lighting up and a smile gracing his somehow still handsome face the second he laid eyes on Remus.

“Moony!” Sirius gasped enthusiastically.

Remus fought to keep a straight face. He wanted nothing more than to take his former best friend into his arms, hug him, be able to take him away from this place. But he knew he couldn’t, knew he shouldn’t. He knew Sirius deserved this for what he did. He wished that every bit of evidence didn’t point to Sirius. But as much as it killed Remus, it did, and he just had to remember that to get through this visit.

“Black,” he responded with a curt nod.

That one word made Sirius look as if his whole world had been shattered. Clearly he had been expecting a just as enthusiastic “Padfoot!”, or a “Hey Pads”, or at the very least, a simple “Hello Sirius”. Remus knew he was hurting him, and he hated doing it. He wanted to reach out to him. He crossed his arms over his chest to prevent himself from doing so.

Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times, unsure of what to say. Remus just stared at him with a blank expression.

“Would you like to sit down?” Sirius gestured to the table and chairs.

“No,” Remus said harshly.

“Moony-”

“I’d appreciate it if you just called me Remus.”

Remus knew he was only hurting both Sirius and himself more, but he couldn’t bear hearing Sirius call him Moony. It would be too much. He knew he would crack it he did.

Sirius gave him an attempt at a cold stare, but he was never good at hiding how he really felt. Remus could see the heartbreak in those grey eyes.

“W-Why are you here?”

Remus took a deep breath. This is what he had been preparing for.

“You…” Remus trailed off into mumbles and stutters, unsure of how to begin.

Sirius’s lips twitched up into a small smirk in reaction to Remus’s lack of composure. For some reason, that look, a little piece of the old Sirius, set Remus off.

“You want to know why I’m here? I’m bloody here because it’s you’re fault they’re dead. James, Lily, Peter, all dead because of you! And then you were rightfully put it in here. So that just left me. Alone. Forced to sit with my thoughts of three best friends dead and one in Azkaban who betrayed them. Why couldn’t you just finish me off along with them? Why did I have to be the one to have to deal with this? As if I don’t suffer enough! God, how could you do that to me, to them?! We all trusted you! We were best friends! And you do…this. You disgust me.”

Remus was shouting by the time he reached his last words. Fists and jaw clenched. Shaking with anger.

Sirius had tears in his eyes.

“Remus…it’s not like that, I swear.”

Not like that? Who are you trying to kid?!”

“That’s not how it happened! You don’t know the true story! Let me explain!”

“I don’t need you to explain! All the evidence left, and by that I mean one of Peter’s fingers, is enough explanation. You killed him. You as good as killed James and Lily. And I’ve been dead inside ever since, so I guess you could say you killed me too,” he spits out.

“Remus, no! You don’t understand! You have to listen to me!”

Sirius dropped to his knees in front of Remus.

“Funnily enough, you killing our friends and being thrown in prison kind of voids you of telling me what I have to do,” Remus says coldly.

Sirius reached up to grasp Remus’s sweater. He let him. He didn’t want to, but he needed the touch. He knew allowing it would just break them a little more, though.

Sirius clung to him as if his life depended on it.

“Please, Remus, I beg you, just hear me out…” he pleaded. His voice broke at the end.

Remus looked down at Sirius. He felt tears in his own eyes at the sight of the broken man in front of him. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t be here anymore.

Remus gently untangled Sirius’s fingers from material of his sweater and took a step back towards the door so they were no longer touching.

He shook his head sympathetically at the other man.

“There’s nothing more to hear, Sirius,” he said simply and turned to the door.

“Remus! Please!”

Remus hesitated for a second, but then walked out of the room without looking back.

“Remus…” he heard him cry quietly one last time before he reached the point where he could apparate home.

Remus went up to his bedroom the second his feet hit the ground in his house. He laid down, teary eyed, and mulled over what had happened. Had there really been anything to hear? Was there actually something Remus didn’t know that Sirius could have explained? Remus wanted to believe that there was, that Sirius was somehow innocent, but the reminder of Peter’s single finger kept him from doing so. The way Sirius cried his name, though, it was so genuine and it broke Remus into a million pieces. He wanted nothing more than to comfort his friend, tell him things were okay, take him home with him, cook him a warm meal, give him a bath, let him sleep in his bed. But he knew it couldn’t happen, that it would never happen. He accepted the fact that he would never be truly happy again, especially after today’s visit. He went in expecting it would make him feel better, only coming out to feel worse than he has in his entire life.

Sirius was left crumpled on the floor, a sobbing mess. He needed Remus to know. If he knew, then maybe he could get him out of here, they could find Peter, give him what he deserves, and they could finally be happy again. He hated living like this, but even more, he hated seeing how broken Remus was. The whole time that he had known him, he had done everything in his power to keep Remus happy, only to be the cause of his ultimate sadness. Sirius cried Remus’s name over and over again, but he never came back. He knew he wouldn’t. He knew he would probably never see him again. And if he did, it wouldn’t be for another whole, miserable year at the very least.

Rebirth - Optional Bias (Part 1/3)

Hello! This is probably going to be the most graphic scenario I have for now. Some is inspired by BTS’ I Need U (Original) MV

Characters: you x optional bias (ft. others who play a small role)

Genre: Angst

Rating: M (for violence)

Warnings: mentions of depression/suicide, violence, vulgar

Word count: 2,218

Backstory: you had been facing depression for a long time and finally hit a brick wall, but then, a miracle emerges into your dark life which you refuse to accept.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

________

365 days. 52 weeks. 12 months. All which exist in a single year.

But no time could be compared to the heartache that crept onto your shoulders as you dragged your lifeless body around, wondering what could have been.

It all began a few weeks after your final goodbye with the love of your life. During the time you knew him, your life was fine and well with a few mishaps here and there. But they were minor ones that didn’t damage your mentality whatsoever. And yet, ever since that day, your life was just struck with the wound of a broken heart.

~~

Keep reading

Conner Kent/Cassie Sandsmark

Recommended Issues Reading List

  • Young Justice (especially #4, 6, 55)
  • Wonder Woman vol.2 #153
  • Superboy #94
  • Wonder Girl #3
  • Teen Titans vol.3 (especially Annual #1, #5-6, 16, 18, #24-25, 54, 85, 87-88)
  • Infinite Crisis #6-7
  • 52 (week 2, 4, 11-12)
  • Legion of 3 Worlds #4-5
  • Adventures Comics #3, 7
  • Teen Titans v4 (especially #23)
  • Superboy nu52 #10

I havent been following Superboy or TT nu52 so I might have missed something, please let me know if I have :)

2

[ 01.29.17 | 12:29 ]

Week 4 of the 52 Week Challenge by @whycantistudyinpeace
/ Random Rant lol

Our internet has been down this whole weekend so sorry for the inactivity 😭 this was my spread last week inspired by @lostlxmb ♥ (also didn’t have enough space on my weekly spread for the challenge so I had to put in on this coming week’s spread aha. A little sneak peek of it for y'all 😁)

Sports Reporter Riley Matthews whole world is turned upside down when Shortstop Lucas Friar signs with the Yankees, can she keep the secrets she’s held onto for the last thirteen years, can he keep the secrets he’s held onto?

Week 1

-1- | -2- | -3- | -4- | -5-

Week 2

-6- | -7- | -8- | -9-

Week 3

-10- | -11- | -12- | -13- | -14-

Week 4

-15-| -16- | -17- | -18- |-19-

Week 5

-20- | -21- | -22- | -23- | -24-

Week 6

-25- | -26- | -27- | -28- | -29-

Week 7

-30- | -31- | -32-

Week 8

-33- | -34-

Week 9

-35- | -36-

Week 10

-37- | -38- | -39- | -40- | -41-

Week 11

-42- | -43- | -44-

Week 12

-45- | -46- | -47- | -48- | -49-

Week 13

-50- | -51- | -52-

Week 14

-53- | -54- | -55- | -56-

Week 15

-57- | -58- | -59-

Week 16

-60- | -61- | -62-

Song of Spencer - Part 1

Rating: PG
Word Count: ~2,500

Summary: The reader is a writer local to D.C., and she and Spencer have been meeting up for a year, discussing their favorite pieces of literature. What happens when she gets fed up with waiting and takes matters into her own hands?

Home | Message | Reid Masterlist

Keep reading

You will not be my first thought of 2015
You will not cross my mind at all
I will think of anything
Everything
But you
You have ruined one year for me-
I will not give you another
My thoughts have belonged to you for 12 months
52 weeks
And 365 days
But when the clock strikes 12 on New Years
You won’t find home in my thoughts
I have never been good with resolutions
But this one
I swear to keep.
—  Promises— Lily Rain
2016

Dear Friends,

365 days have past since the start of 2015 and a lot has changed, somethings have stayed the same, and so many lessons have been learned.

In this year I have learned more about myself and those surrounding me then I’ve ever known before. It’s an unfortunate realization that in life we will have to face dark times, that’s inevitable. However, it’s these sad moments that make us stronger, they shape us to truly appreciate those almost inconspicuous precious moments of joy we sometimes take for granted each day.

The greatest lesson learned this year is to never allow people to strip away your dignity, pride or happiness. If you’ve been hurt by someone - make them aware, as they shouldn’t be able to dictate whether or not they did or didn’t. Our emotions are our most valuable asset and must never be overlooked. As human beings we all will feel an abundance of inexplicable reactions that tend to consume our mindset. But it’s never fair to put all the blame on other people, our emotions are a part of us and therefore can be ours to control and maintain.

I use to believe to be happy I had to be around people/someone that makes me feel that way, and although this is true to an extent, it’s more important to realize that we have to find it in ourselves to be that someone that makes us happy.

It’s very cliche to make a new years resolution as I’ve learned because goals can and should be acknowledged and accomplished throughout many parts of our life. But I also know that New Years is a healthy time for everyone to set aside a moment to reflect on the previous 365 days, 12 months, 52 weeks, and 8760 hours.

In 2016 I want to better my mindset and exercise my emotions in order for me to learn to be that someone that makes me happy. I will try with great strength to not allow other peoples criticism, actions, or words comprise my ecstatic delight for this upcoming year and for years to come.

To anyone who reads this I hope you find your everyday joy in 2016 and learn to make yourself happy.

Love Always,

M

6

Hormones: Day 363; November 20th, 2014: Transgender Day of Remembrance

Month 12, Week 52

Spoke on a panel at my college today about trans identity and how it related to academic life and society as a whole. I didn’t fuck it up; I actually brought up some really good topics. I mean, I had to since I was the only trans woman on the panel.

I also picked up my copy of the new Pokemon. Hella.

Guest appearances by teamtreecko and no-pants-dan.