weed-,

“How High?”
  • “I turned down my TV because I couldn’t taste my macaroni.” 
  • “A cop at the party I was at last night asked who had a gun. I was so high I thought he asked who had fun, so I raised my hand.” 
  • “I looked at myself in the mirror for ten minutes to watch myself blink. I missed it every time. I was so pissed.” 
  • “My parents asked why my eyes were so red. I told them I had laser vision.” 
  • “I cried because I realized snakes are just tails with faces.” 
  • “I smoked a bunch of weed with four friends and went to a drive-through. We didn’t feel like figuring out how to split the bill between us, so we went through the drive-through five times.” 
  • “I wanted to play a video game but the TV was dirty. I couldn’t find the duster so I used my cat.” 
  • “We pulled into the driveway and I realized my mom’s car wasn’t there. I yelled, ‘fuck yeah, my mom isn’t home!’ She was driving me.” 
  • “I smoked weed on my grandparents’ farm but didn’t want to smell like weed, so I rubbed a baby goat all over myself and proceeded to tell the goat he was a good guy.” 
  • “I screamed ‘MY POTATOES’ when my friend sat on my legs.” 
  • “I turned my friend’s XBox at a 60 degree angle to make it an XBox 420.”