hello. my name is judson. and this was my night
so it’s 10 mins to closing and we are D E A D bc it’s wednesdays and wednesdays = church nights so we can close early and get out of the kitchen by 9:10 when it usually takes us 30 mins. i’ve done all my work (cleaning the grill and fryers and sweeping) when this arby worker stops me while i’m taking out the trash and is like “hey man, can you help me i think a cat is stuck in my muffler.” there was a cat stuck in his muffler. a very angry cat. i get my coworker to tape rags around my arms and i layer up on some gloves and i straight up end up having to lay in a puddle to start hand feeding this cat grilled chicken in attempt to coax it out. the cat ate the grilled chicken. it did not come out. every time i got too close it sank its teeth into my hand which, by the way, four layers of vinyl gloves do nothing against a pissed off cat. so i’m laying in a puddle, looking like the fucking michelin man, and basically yowling along with this cat in attempt to save one of its damn lives. i’ve attracted all of my coworkers out alongside everyone from arbys and they’ve formed some weird fast-food support group which was mostly them making fun of me and taking snapchat videos instead of any real encouragement. i’ve managed to wiggle myself a little closer when something else happens. all we hear is tires squealing, a car horn, and then a huge crashing noise. i look up just as this fucker sinks its teeth into my finger to see a truck literally spinning down the highway like a fucking beyblade let loose. my coworker, austin, takes off sprinting to make sure the man inside is okay while i’m yelping and trying not to lose a digit. the man walks out completely unharmed but his car is completely decimated. just as a cop shows up, 10 seconds later, i manage to grab the scruff of the cat and yank it loose. everyone starts whooping and hollering until we get a good look at it. it was a fucking raccoon. i have to get rabies shots now.